Are We Flirting?
Sydney Rose Matthews and Greyson Hoelzel tackle life's most important question... Are We Flirting?
Are We Flirting?
are we psychopaths?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
this week, we take a psychopath test, unpack why I secretly signed Greyson up for a half marathon, discuss summer depression, accidentally participating in a church exorcism, advice to each other’s future spouses and attempt to escape the circus to join corporate America.
for any questions feel free to check out our substack here https://substack.com/@areweflirting
or email us at hello@areweflirting.com
- greyson + syd <3
I was on the side of TikTok that is people serving divorce papers. And then I was like, oh, why don't you just Uber Courier it? Who should we call now?
SPEAKER_06How about a therapist?
SPEAKER_11Are we psychopaths? Who has more hemorrhoids? Me or you.
SPEAKER_06Guys, this is your sign to risk your friendship by doing things without telling your other friend.
SPEAKER_11I was raised Catholic. I'm not Catholic anymore. But these people almost had me until this one part. Guys, if you notice that my legs look all scratched up like a meth addict, it's because I got a lot of mosquito bites. I can say that because there's meth addicts in my family.
SPEAKER_06Guys, if you notice that Sid is acting like a fool, it's because she is entering her first uh depressive episode ever in her entire life.
SPEAKER_04That's not true.
SPEAKER_06You literally called me yesterday and you were like, girl, I'm freaking depressed, bro.
SPEAKER_04How do you do this all the time, bro? Like, it's like you make me not want to tell you things.
SPEAKER_11If you're just gonna expose me like that. Yeah, I'm going through a little bit of a summer depression. I have the summer blues right now, and I crashed out a little this weekend.
SPEAKER_06She has the summer blues, even though she's wearing pink and greens.
SPEAKER_11Even though I look like a goddamn polypocket today.
SPEAKER_06Did you ever play with those? Yeah, uh, I always chewed on the shoes. My sister had them growing up.
SPEAKER_04The shoes were mighty tasty. Guys, like this video if you've also chewed on the polypocket shoes. Guys, like, share, subscribe. We're getting thousands of views. Where are the subscribers at, bro?
SPEAKER_11Oh my god, you're at you're you're so thirsty. It's like give it a rest, bro.
SPEAKER_06Well, here's the thing, guys. Subscriptions turn over into engagement. Sid, I'll I'm fine. Okay, me, I'm doing well.
SPEAKER_11Don't you dare bring this up right now. Some of us have a little bit of credit card debt right now because they are owed a lot of invoices. And it could be me and it could be crazy.
SPEAKER_06Some of us have enough credit card debt when that it was told to one of us, our only reaction was to go.
SPEAKER_05Are you serious?
SPEAKER_11I guys, we're all the same at the end of the day.
SPEAKER_05Wait, cut to I have a lot of credit card debt, and you are the person that works at the bank.
SPEAKER_11Okay. This is normal. This right here, this uh what we got going on right here, this seems just fine for people your age, and you're actually doing a really good job, and you're probably really good to your family, and you spent a lot of money on train rides home and transportation to and from the train station to your brother's house that you d or sister.
SPEAKER_06I'll be honest, I just came here to ask for another extension. That's all I don't need the I I know what I'm doing is fine, and all this money is fine. I just I just needed to let you know that I needed another extension.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do that, and you know why we can do that? Because you're probably a really good person. And you probably work really hard.
SPEAKER_06I'm actually a horrible person.
SPEAKER_11And you seem like the kind of person who really is really is there for the friends and picks up the tab a lot, even when you have credit card debt.
SPEAKER_05Now that you say that out loud, it sounds like that's something I shouldn't be doing.
SPEAKER_11Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_06Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_11Wait a minute now. Nope. You're doing just then.
SPEAKER_06Wait a minute. Oh, ice cream truck.
SPEAKER_11Grayson, what's your go-to ice cream truck order?
SPEAKER_06Uh, the Spider-Man. Or the Sonic or the Spongebob.
SPEAKER_11Oh, and the Spongebob's my favorite.
SPEAKER_06SpongeBob?
SPEAKER_05I like when one of the eyes melts a little bit, so it's like a it looks sad and looks like crying because it reflects the state of your nature.
SPEAKER_11Oh my god. You're like so happy that I'm depressed.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, because you finally get to feel what rock bottom's like.
SPEAKER_11I've felt depressed before. This is not the first time.
SPEAKER_05Well, also then act like you've been there before, sister.
SPEAKER_11Oh my god. This is another thing, too, is that I said to Grayson, I'm like venting, and I'm like, yeah, like whatever. And I said that I hadn't taken my medicine that day. And then he was like, Whoa, wait, you're like this and you're on medicine? Which was like, you said it so shocked. It was the rudest thing he ever said to me.
SPEAKER_05She goes, she goes, My medicine makes me chill. And I go, hold on.
SPEAKER_11Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what you did.
SPEAKER_05You're this chill when you're on Mez? What are you like when you're not?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Like this is my that's my chill baseline. So anyway, whatever, dude. Oh, look, a new a new duck.
SPEAKER_06It's not a duck. Hang on. Is there something on the left side of its neck? Yeah. That's Marie Antoinette.
SPEAKER_10Wait, you ha they're actually regulars?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Marie Antoinette and Guillotine, I think, are partners. That's the biggest pigeon I think I've ever had up here.
SPEAKER_11Okay, um, can we name this one? Can I name him?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, please.
SPEAKER_11Okay. Um I like that his eyes are so orange and big. I want to call him Sun Sunshine.
SPEAKER_06Sunshine? Or Sun Sunshine. Sunshine.
SPEAKER_11Sun Sunshine, but they call him Sunshine for short.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_11Oh wait, I totally see why you do this. Maybe it's not autistic after all.
SPEAKER_06It's so entertaining watching them.
SPEAKER_11I actually almost texted you last night and was like, can you just come over and just sit across from me? Because I like couldn't be by myself.
SPEAKER_06No, you've heard me say it to you before. No need to rehash. You need to learn how to be alone to be better.
SPEAKER_11Oh my gosh, I was alone a lot this weekend.
SPEAKER_06It's Sunday. You were alone one day?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_11I was alone all Saturday.
SPEAKER_05I go all I go a week without speaking to somebody.
SPEAKER_11That's not okay. That's not normal. And you're depressed.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but the two those are two very drastically separated. Guys, are we depressed?
SPEAKER_11So I want to hear a little bit of a recap on your week, sort of. Can I have some of your coffee?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Coquito latte.
SPEAKER_11Coquito latte.
SPEAKER_06Um oops. So my week was kind of shitty. Uh I worked a lot. My system I'm in hell. Did you hear my stomach just now? Yeah.
SPEAKER_11Speaking for you. What's the what's the dirt on your crotch?
SPEAKER_06That is uh chocolate chip from the banana bread I baked the other day. These these pants are several days old.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, because you baked that a while ago, I feel like. How come you tuck in your your shirts in your sweatpants?
SPEAKER_06Uh when I was a kid, my dad did it, and so now I just have adopted it because it's whatever.
SPEAKER_11That doesn't feel overstimulating to you?
SPEAKER_06No, not even a little bit. If anything, I don't like when the shirt hangs because it gets caught on certain things. And then this way, when I tuck my shirt in, people think, A, I'm a nerd, B, they can see my D print, and they're like, oh, why is he not trying to hide that? Because it's embarrassing.
SPEAKER_11So you t so let me get this straight. You tuck in your shirt so that people see the outline of your penis, and you want them to wonder why you're doing that.
SPEAKER_06When you say it like that, that's exactly what I'm doing, yes.
SPEAKER_11Alright. Can someone can we get a psychoanalyst in the in the comments?
SPEAKER_06Can we get somebody to draw my dick print? Please. Please, guys. And we know we have artists.
SPEAKER_11We we actually I yeah, I already mentioned this. We did have somebody send in a picture of us.
SPEAKER_06Really? Oh, wait, yeah, I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really sweet. Yeah.
SPEAKER_11I think we should get that printed out and hang it.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, honestly, if you guys want to give that's really cute. If you guys want to give us artwork, we'll put it up on this wall behind us.
SPEAKER_11Well, it sounds like a really fun week over there, Grayson.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and then I went for an eight-mile jog yesterday.
SPEAKER_11I thought it was seven.
SPEAKER_06It w okay.
SPEAKER_11Oh, it was seven plus one.
SPEAKER_06It was seven plus one. I don't know why Strava did this. So I was I ran to Coney Island from Brooklyn, where I live, and it's a long jog. That's a long fucking jog. So I uh had to stop a couple times because I was gassed and I was like, dude, I can't go on. And it felt like my Achilles was gonna explode in both my legs, and I was like, this probably isn't it's it's tough. Sid finally sent me the information that confirmed that I am signed up for the half marathon because I said I'm not going to prepare for this unless I know that it is official.
SPEAKER_11That would be such a prank within a prank.
SPEAKER_06Yes, which is what it would be.
SPEAKER_11Like force you to prepare for a half marathon that you're not even signed up for and that you were signed up for.
SPEAKER_06That's exactly what I thought you were doing.
SPEAKER_11No, no, no, it's real.
SPEAKER_06Oh, oh, I know.
SPEAKER_11And Grayson's very upset. Like, God forbid, god forbid a friend of yours signs you up for a half marathon for your own good.
SPEAKER_06See, that's was that's the part that bothers me the most is when you say it's for my own good. If you would have seen the state and condition I was in yesterday and I'm gonna do that.
SPEAKER_11Yes, that's why it's good for you to run. If you're that beat, you were down bad for the whole day. You did you slept, you laid in bed for hours and hours after. Like, get your stamina up, boy. You're welcome. Guys, this is your sign to sign your friends up for a half marathon.
SPEAKER_06Guys, this is your sign to risk your friendship by doing things without telling your other friends and being like, hey, I think this is good for you. Go and do this.
SPEAKER_11I'm signing up for a 10K, which is like six miles and something, some change.
SPEAKER_06Didn't you sign up for a 5k and you didn't run it? The ice cream one?
SPEAKER_11I forgot to go.
SPEAKER_06You a fogato? I'm pretty sure that's a type of ice cream.
SPEAKER_11I thought that was a coffee.
SPEAKER_06Could be. Guys, we're not experts.
SPEAKER_11The way that like you I talk to you and you talk to camera.
SPEAKER_06Well, I I want to engage with our audience.
SPEAKER_05Oh, which by the way, this is our studio.
SPEAKER_11Oh, this is Grayson's house.
SPEAKER_06This is well, you didn't have to say that. This is our studio. Yeah. Um, it's uh randomly one day in a fit of creativity, I was like, hey Sid, I want to build us a studio. And so I bought us chairs, tables, which by the way, this thing is very loud. Leave this in when you edit. It sounds like a gong. Yeah, it's ca it's the springs. It literally sounds like a gong. Like it's like gong.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I can't hear because I don't um wear the mics, the headphones because they're ugly, but yeah, she doesn't like to look lame.
SPEAKER_06Whereas me, I look lame all day.
SPEAKER_11No, to be honest, I get overstimulated by the wires.
SPEAKER_06I don't like Oh, by this? Oh. Um, what were we saying? I don't know if oh 10k. Oh yeah. Um Yeah, it's yeah, I I went for an eight-mile jog. I did it in an hour and sixteen minutes. You're you sign me up for nine to nine thirty pace for the mile, or my average pace. I think I clocked it at like nine twenty-eight.
SPEAKER_11So also when you're around that many people, you'll see like you can keep up more than you think. But you do you have a good pair of running shoes?
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna get a new pair. The ones that I've been using, they're pretty beat to shit by now. Okay. But I did eight miles after not running like ever in get lightweight with a good spring in the back.
SPEAKER_11Guys, if you have a half mile shoe suggestion, drop it below because Grayson's gonna probably eat shit during this half marathon and he needs the right shoe. And if you have any other advice for somebody who is running attention, out of shape, and also like mentally ill and is r and is running a half marathon, that also he has other issues that don't have to do with running. But if you have any shoe suggestions or other things that you think that he should wear, drop it below.
SPEAKER_06Drop drop them in the comments, guys. So now my body feels like it's gonna explode. My legs are in so much pain.
SPEAKER_10And I can't wait to support you.
SPEAKER_06Please do not go. I don't want any I don't want anyone going, and I know that that's probably super annoying to hear. You have to understand, like, I I don't want people at improv shows, I don't want people in my life seeing your generation, seeing me reap the benefits of what I've been sewing because my fear is that you guys will just be disappointed in me. Why would we ever I wouldn't be disappointed if you like My mild time sucks, I shit my pants, uh an old lady beats me across the finish line, I throw up, uh I look like shit, I smell like shit, I I These are your kinks?
SPEAKER_11No, these are weird that you're listing them out like that.
SPEAKER_06It's everything that I fear uh about me. I'm gonna do bad performance, it's gonna be embarrassing.
SPEAKER_11Can I just say something?
SPEAKER_06I care. I don't want the people in my life to see me in a vulnerable condition. And that's why I have commitments.
SPEAKER_11I if you I mean, come on. If you ran this race and literally threw up after and shit your pants after the first mile and like I had to walk the rest with you, I would. And I think you'd do the same for me, maybe.
SPEAKER_06I would, but that doesn't mean I would want to.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, who care so? Nobody nobody wants to have to carry your shit pants in my right arm and your body, your your soaking wet, sad body in my left. I don't want that, but I would do it.
SPEAKER_06I feel like we're throwing around the word sad quite a bit today. Are we sad? Are we depressed? Are we going through it?
SPEAKER_11Okay, so that's what you're f you're flirting with this week?
SPEAKER_06No, I'm flirting with um lantern flies, crushing them, killing them. Dead. As soon as I see them, people's elbow. Oh look, there's one there. Oh audio only listeners, you guys are gonna want to check in on the YouTube for that one. That was pretty good. That was like John Wick. I'm going John Wick on these lantern flies' asses.
SPEAKER_11I have a really hard time with it.
SPEAKER_06Killing a lantern fly?
SPEAKER_11Yeah, because it's like I see them, and moments before death I approach them, and then I know it's the right thing to do, but I can't help thinking about their spotted lanternfly family. And if they just got a spotted lantern fly race.
SPEAKER_06Cut to the spotted lantern flies family, you're the mom, I'm the kids.
SPEAKER_08Mama.
SPEAKER_06Yes, honey.
SPEAKER_08Where's daddy?
SPEAKER_11Um there is a large boy with a he looks a lot like Sid from Toy Story, and he actually he had a um name a uh type of weapon, weapon of choice.
SPEAKER_04Nunchuck?
SPEAKER_09Yep.
SPEAKER_11Yep, he had a nunchuck, and he actually beat the living shit out of your father.
SPEAKER_06But he's still gonna come home, right? Like daddy's so strong.
SPEAKER_11Daddy's not coming home, little guy. Um um, but fortunately, he also wants to kill you too.
SPEAKER_08Daddy does?
SPEAKER_11No, no, no. That big that big boy that looks like Sid from Toy Story, he he wants to kill all of us. So that you know that means we are going to have to do a like murder suicide situation so that we can all join daddy together.
SPEAKER_06We're gonna kill the boy?
SPEAKER_11We're gonna We're gonna kill him and each other.
SPEAKER_07But if but if we kill him, why do we need to kill each other?
SPEAKER_11Because there's a lot of people that want to hurt us, baby.
SPEAKER_07But why?
SPEAKER_06What did we do so wrong? What did we, just people who are trying to exist in this world, this big, ginormous, huge world where birds can crush us and birds and birds will snatch us out of the sky, and then somebody will just step on us when we're just trying to make a life for ourselves. Why does everybody want to kill us?
SPEAKER_11It's what we do to the planet. We hurt trees, buddy.
SPEAKER_06But I don't, I'm just a baby.
SPEAKER_10Not yet. But once you get bigger and bigger, you will hurt trees too.
SPEAKER_06But I don't want I want to make a change. I want to bridge the gap between spotted lantern flies and and a healthy ecosystem.
SPEAKER_11We can do that, I think.
SPEAKER_05But how are we gonna do that if we murder suicide ourselves?
SPEAKER_10We can create change. Huh?
SPEAKER_07We are the world. We are the children. We are the world.
SPEAKER_06And that's probably enough for that scene. Cut out.
SPEAKER_11So that was I actually started to feel really sad. It made me almost feel sad as last week when you told me that when your parents fight.
SPEAKER_06Sad count. I think that's the sixth time we've said used the word sad in this podcast. Uh I'm flirting with uh tires on Netflix. That's a good it was a I enjoyed that. Season three was pretty good. Good. Shane Gillis and Company.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, it's a fun comfort show.
SPEAKER_06I really like the theme song. I listen to the theme song when I'm walking around. Just like I literally, when I was visiting home, I would listen to the theme song and get really sad.
SPEAKER_11Sad count. Seven.
SPEAKER_06Like you're saying it too, but that's because that's my general nature. Yeah, I've I really wish I could have some for myself.
SPEAKER_11You don't even want to.
SPEAKER_06I've had three sips of this, by the way.
SPEAKER_11You're so dramatic.
SPEAKER_06I'm not joking. I have had three sips of this.
SPEAKER_11You know I like to drink your coffee when it is yours. Things taste better when they're yours.
SPEAKER_06Uh yeah. Pause.
SPEAKER_11I don't know what the like it doesn't have to be a thing. Okay, what am I flirting this week? Do you even want to ask?
SPEAKER_06Uh what do you flirt? Sid. Morning, you flirting with this ink. Guys, this week I but we never started the pod. I'm your host, Grayson.
SPEAKER_11Okay. We you're right. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_05I'm your host, Grayson.
SPEAKER_11I remember what we say now.
SPEAKER_05What?
SPEAKER_11Welcome, buddy.
SPEAKER_05Back to another episode of Are We Flirting.
SPEAKER_11I'm your host, Sid.
SPEAKER_05I'm your host.
SPEAKER_02And I'm your host, Sid.
SPEAKER_06Let's nip that behavior in the bud right now. Grayson. That was pretty good. Thanks.
SPEAKER_11And this is Are We Flirting, our podcast that we do together.
SPEAKER_06And if you've made it now 20 minutes into the episode, we are sorry for not introducing that sooner. Sid, what are you flirting with this week?
SPEAKER_11Thank you so much for asking, Grayson. This week was quite the whirlwind, huh? I did a uh short or a video project with Taylor Rosen. Check him out if you're a bookie, if you're a bookworm. And we had to make out for like three hours.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, book talk, you hear that? Hey girlies.
SPEAKER_11No, guys, you know what the thing is? Nobody talked about this. When you're shooting a scene where you have to like kiss somebody, the man comes out looking the same. The woman, God forbid, they have a stubble. It comes out looking like I have a red five o'clock shadow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_11So I by the the beginning, I like look one way, and by the end, I look completely different. But it was a lot of fun, and I think it's gonna be really cool shot in Dumbo right by Jane's carousel, which is a great place to shoot stuff.
SPEAKER_06I'm sure you can't give anything away, but um was is it just like a makeout scene?
SPEAKER_11No, there's there's like a dialogue hap- Yeah, there's words. There's words, believe it or not, there's words in there. Um, but it's sort of like it's a piece of a web series that he's doing. I can't give more information than that, but um, yeah, it's just a bunch of makeup with like everyone in New York. Hopefully, I'm gonna get my period soon because I've been a bitch all week. Um and I'm starting to think maybe I'm just a bitch. Bushwick smells like shit this week. I told Grayson I was starting to think that it was me because it's literally been so bad. Grayson was also super stoned last night and he really liked that last night.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that made me laugh pretty hard.
SPEAKER_11Sometimes when I make you laugh, it feels really good.
SPEAKER_06Why? Because I never experienced true joy and happiness.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, probably because you're so sad.
SPEAKER_08This is the sad podcast. This is Are We Depressed?
SPEAKER_02Are we depressed or is it PMS or did I forget to take my soul off? That too, yeah, and Grayson's feeling blue, matching his shirt to yeah.
SPEAKER_06I thought my shirt was black up until this very moment.
SPEAKER_02He's colorblind, but I don't mind, but You know what else I'm flirting with this week?
SPEAKER_06Is that song that's like, I'm getting naughty. I'm getting naughty. Hi, nasty, I'm nastier. You heard that? It's very funny.
SPEAKER_11I don't like so when I when I'm giving my um nephew and my niece food and they're finished, they do this, they shake their hands like this for all done.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_11And I'm gonna do that here.
SPEAKER_06Okay, okay, sign language. Okay, okay, sign language.
SPEAKER_11Wait, you want to know something about sign language? I actually, when I was a kid, I was so fascinated by language, and I remember I would go to the library and I would pick out sign language books, and I learned sign language like fairly fluently, at least enough to communicate with this girl from my church. Um, because my grandma, when I was living with her, she would make us go every week, and then I would talk to her and I would be like, Oh my gosh, and then we became friends, and my grandmom was like, Don't sign during church, because you need to pay attention. Favorite church song, go.
SPEAKER_06Go ahead.
SPEAKER_11Come to the table of plenty.
SPEAKER_06That sounds like a musical song. Yeah, that's why. Like from like Alice in Wonderland.
SPEAKER_08What was yours? Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. They played that in Mormon church?
SPEAKER_06I'm not Mormon. I've never been Mormon.
SPEAKER_09I'll believe it when I see it.
SPEAKER_06Whatever. That one, there was one that my youth group used to sing when I grew up. Uh it was uh called Dry Bones.
SPEAKER_08We call out dry bones, come alive. Come alive.
SPEAKER_11If I experienced this music, maybe I'd still be able to do it.
SPEAKER_0615-year-old me in the front in the front row.
SPEAKER_11Wait, do you want to hear another story?
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_11Okay, so one time I when I used to teach um painting with a twist classes, I was a painting instructor, and I had this baptism.
SPEAKER_06Painting with a twist, what was the twist? You were adopted? Painting with a twist, what was the twist? Everybody's got a drink?
SPEAKER_11Painting with a twist. I'm sticking like a murderer. I'm not really a painting with the strip.
SPEAKER_06Painting with a twist. Everybody has to twist everyone has to paint with their genitals. What the fuck? No, yes, painting with a twist. Sometimes that's if that's the case, it's gonna be easier for others because their genitals are rather big.
SPEAKER_11Well no, that might be more difficult.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so it would just look a little bit more abstract.
SPEAKER_11It's probably better if you have a tiny penis for painting with a twist, painting with a painting with a penis.
SPEAKER_06Penis. What were you gonna say?
SPEAKER_11So I had a Baptist church come in and then we were kikiing so hard that they were like, wait, you should come to uh Mass. And I was like, Hell yeah. So I went what?
SPEAKER_05You're just like, yeah, maybe I should go to church. That's actually we're having such a blast, dude.
SPEAKER_11No, it was awesome because they were like jamming, they were singing their church songs, and I was like, this sounds really fun. What have I been doing? So I went to this Baptist church, and I Sid would rather get converted to Catholicism than be alone.
SPEAKER_06That's the problem.
SPEAKER_11It was okay. First of all, I was raised Catholic. I'm not Catholic anymore. But these people almost had me until this one part where there was a woman, and I guess she was having like an exorcism. So this is all a true story, by the way. And it was on Facebook Live. So this woman kind of did. I don't know if you guys have seen those videos where like some like a pastor puts their hand on your head and then they're like, get rid of the Lord, and then they start like convulsing. So that happened in front of me, and then it was my turn to go. So they put his, he put his hand onto my head so hard that when he eventually removed it, there was a red mark, and he was like, I've removed the Lord from your body, like whatever, blah blah blah. And I kind of felt like bad because I wasn't doing the performance in the way that I felt like I should. So I was like kind of like shaking my head and like putting my arms in the air because I didn't want to like not kind of be You wanted to give a good show.
SPEAKER_05You were like, guys, this is okay, this is a tough This is all a true story, by the way.
SPEAKER_11And it was on Facebook Live. I need I wish I could go find it.
SPEAKER_06You were like, it's a matinee, there's low energy. I gotta bring the vibes up. Like, guys, come on. You you pay, you you get what you get out of the show what you pay.
SPEAKER_11So it was insane. And I and then I never went back after that, but I did tell them I would be back and I still feel I still think about them.
SPEAKER_06For one night only at the Catholic Church.
SPEAKER_11It's not Catholic, it's Baptist.
SPEAKER_06For one night only at the Baptism Church in Philadelphia. One night only at the Baptist Church in Philadelphia. Come on down, see Sid Rose Matthews as she gets exercised.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and it's crazy because I'm like not even in a fitness like that.
SPEAKER_06Fitness, Holy Spirit in your body.
SPEAKER_11Like, that feels really wrong. And and to any religious listeners, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_06We do apologize.
SPEAKER_11So, anyway, that's what I'm flirting with this week.
SPEAKER_06Religion?
SPEAKER_11No, but maybe I need to get back into it.
SPEAKER_06I've I think about it all the time.
SPEAKER_11Maybe that'll help.
SPEAKER_06I I think it so I have a couple of religious books over here.
SPEAKER_11Like the Bible.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that would be one. Uh also what other one? When God was a woman. Yeah, that's I read half of that book and it I I didn't love it.
SPEAKER_11Okay. Well, God forbid you read a book where the protagonist is a woman.
SPEAKER_06Well, that's the thing is there is no protagonist, it's just like geographical studies about like different cultures where the the main religious hierarchy is based on feminine deities.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Take that stick that up your butt and walk around with it. I don't know, that's how the saying goes.
SPEAKER_11Who has more hemorrhoids? Me or you?
SPEAKER_06I've had quite a bit. I've had maybe four or five.
SPEAKER_11They stay forever.
SPEAKER_06Is that what I'm feeling right now?
SPEAKER_11They s they don't go away. But you can push them back in.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I've had to do that before. In the shower.
SPEAKER_11I I would never want to be your fingers. I don't even want to shake your hand. Think about that next time if you meet Grease and you shake his hand, think about that.
SPEAKER_06This hand has done some very terrible, nasty things.
SPEAKER_11Are you growing your hair back out? I am. Okay, good. So it's in that fuck in-between phase. Just kidding.
SPEAKER_06You know what's so funny? Uh I went to the thing recently, it was a birthday party, and somebody, I was just like sitting there and they tussled my hair, and there was the I put like a little bit of not right now, but I put a little bit of gel in it for the function to like keep it down. Otherwise, it just like grows out and it's ugly. Um and they were like, oh, like what's in your hair? And I was like, dude, I didn't ask you to do that. Like you're like you tussled my hair, and you're gonna get be grossed out when you got like shit in your hand.
SPEAKER_11Normalize asking permission when you touch people.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Normalize when you go up to people who are clearly in a vulnerable state and condition because they just buzzed their hair and realize it didn't look good and now they have to grow it back out for four months. Normalize asking if you can tussle their hair like they're your little brother growing up, and then afterwards they're like, oh, what do you put why do you have shit in your hand when you go to Buzz Head? Oh, I don't know. Maybe if I don't, it just grows out and I look like a chia pet.
SPEAKER_11Oh, I thought of something uh that I think I want to do if I ever get divorced.
SPEAKER_06If you ever get divorced, I'm like manifesting that for yourself. I need to stop doing that. It sounds like a gong.
SPEAKER_11Actually, well, this isn't for me, I guess. I was on the side of TikTok that is people serving divorce papers.
SPEAKER_06Hilarious.
SPEAKER_11And then I was like, oh, why don't you just Uber courier it?
SPEAKER_06Do you have a rabbit hole of the week this week?
SPEAKER_11I do. My rabbit hole of the week is um psychopaths and psychopath interviews. I am so fascinated by people that are will willing to talk about it, and I think it's really helpful. And I was listening to this one woman and she was basically like, Yeah, we need to like normalize talking about it because if not, then people repress, and and if they repress psychopathic tendencies, then they become violent. So that's why like most violent people are psychopaths, except my dad. He's just bipolar. Um, so anyway, I thought we could take a psychopath quiz together.
SPEAKER_06Sure.
SPEAKER_11Okay. So this is what I'm gonna do. We're gonna go through each of it for each other. So here's the list, and every time you think the other person has one of these things, you're gonna you're gonna check it. I'm gonna draw on this if I think you have it. I found this on the internet, I don't know how real it is, so nobody hold me to it. Okay. 20 traits used in the Dr. Robert D. Hair psychopathy checklist.
SPEAKER_06And viewers and listeners, follow along. If you guys think you have these traits.
SPEAKER_11Traits, start ta tallying. Yes. I don't know what it means if you have X out of 20, but we'll find out. Okay. Superficial charm.
SPEAKER_06What is that?
SPEAKER_11I don't know. Like charm be charming on the outside, I guess.
SPEAKER_06And we're doing it for the other person. Oh.
SPEAKER_11Grandiose estimation of self. So you see yourself very highly. Need for stimulation. I feel like you might have that. Do you think you have that? What? Pathological lying. Cunning and manipulativeness. Me washing your fingers. No, I don't think you have that. Lack of remorse or guilt. No. Lack of remorse or guilt. You have whatever it is where you have the most guilt and remorse. Shallow. Superficial emotional responsiveness. Callousness and lack of empathy. Parasitic lifestyle. I don't actually know what that means.
SPEAKER_01I marked you down for that.
SPEAKER_11What does that mean?
SPEAKER_01Continue.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_11Poor behavioral controls. I'm gonna give you that one. Sexual promiscuity. Do not Okay, I'm giving you that one too. Oh, you did that out of spite. Wait, early behavior problems. Weren't you like angry as a kid?
SPEAKER_06No. It was a golden shot.
SPEAKER_11Oh, right. That's what it was.
SPEAKER_06The complete opposite.
SPEAKER_11Lack of realistic long-term goals. I think you have the opposite of that too. Impulsivity. Irresponsibility. Oh my god, I hate watching you. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions. You're giving me that? Yes. I just started working on that.
SPEAKER_06Well, you should have started working on this a long time ago.
SPEAKER_11Many short-term marital relationships. Juvenile delinquency. I don't know what this means. Revocation of conditional release? I don't know what that means. Criminal versatility.
SPEAKER_06You have a warrant out for your arrest.
SPEAKER_11Okay, that's not my fault. Okay.
SPEAKER_05What was the one lack of accountability? It was like three or four of them like that.
SPEAKER_11It's literally not my fault. Someone else was in my car. Okay, how many did I get on this list?
SPEAKER_04Uh one, two.
SPEAKER_11Are we psychopaths?
SPEAKER_04Nine.
SPEAKER_11No, I do not earn nine of these. You have three.
SPEAKER_06What?
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Damn. She's more of a psychopath than I am.
SPEAKER_11So anyway, I don't think I check for nine of those. That's insane.
SPEAKER_06I think you do.
SPEAKER_11Okay, so like basically I fall under the ones that are like carelessness, impulsivity, behavioral promiscuity. I do not have sexual promiscuity.
SPEAKER_05You're you're a freak.
SPEAKER_11Okay, that doesn't make me promiscuous.
SPEAKER_06Promiscuous goo. I don't have like a lot of partners. Is that what that brings means?
SPEAKER_11It's kind of like the I I feel like promiscuity is kind of somebody who would would dabble in a lot of partners, which I don't have.
SPEAKER_06Gotcha.
SPEAKER_11I'll be promiscuous with one person.
SPEAKER_06So you're s yeah, so then you're still promiscuous.
SPEAKER_11No, but like not actually that's not actually let's look it up. Having or involving many sexual partners or acting without restriction or care in a general sense. I use protection.
SPEAKER_06Ooh.
SPEAKER_11Okay. So that was fine. That's my rabbit hole of the week.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, so guys, comment down below. Are you a psychopath?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. And also, seven out of twenty, even though you and you were wrong, is still not a psychopath. So you'd have to.
SPEAKER_06Why are you you're trying to defend your own psychopath?
SPEAKER_11What if I am a psychopath? Okay, um, what's your rabbit hole of the week, pervert?
SPEAKER_06Uh, I don't have one.
SPEAKER_11Okay.
SPEAKER_06You didn't have one last week. I didn't realize that was an option.
SPEAKER_11I relied on him.
SPEAKER_06I could I could come up with a rabbit hole of the week.
SPEAKER_11No, I don't want to hear your bullshit lies.
SPEAKER_06That's not a bullshit lie, it's just more Dungeon Crawler Carl stuff, but I know you don't want to hear it. Yeah, okay. So you would rather you'd rather scoff and go and be disgusted at my actual rabbit hole of the week than for me to just say any nothing at all. What's your beef of the week? My beef of the week is for people who yell at me. It happened last night. I was city biking home and I was around the neighborhood. There's like 40 docking stations, right? And so like three out of the usual four closest to me were all completely full, and I had no idea. So I was like circling the block on the sidewalk, which is where all of the docking stations are, and this person was like, Move into the bike lab, like the bike lane.
SPEAKER_11And I was like, I yes, I understand, but also How are you supposed to get from street to city dock if you can't go on sidewalk? Are you supposed to float and fly?
SPEAKER_06So what happened was it was a it was a woman and I think maybe a guy she was on a date with or something. It was a it was a woman and a man, and the woman was like, Get the bike off the sidewalk, go into the bike lane. And as I passed her, I was like, I know, I'm sorry. And the guy laughed really loud. And um like that.
SPEAKER_11Which date do you think they were on? Like first, second, third, or like they've been together for a while.
SPEAKER_06Based on the vibes, I would say like a second or third date.
SPEAKER_11And she was really trying to like assert her dominance early on.
SPEAKER_06I think she was trying to make a joke, but at the same time, I was like, dude.
SPEAKER_11At your expense?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I was like, yeah, there's a docking station right here. Well, I would never hit a woman.
SPEAKER_11Well, except no, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_06That's one time.
SPEAKER_11Can I borrow Frankenstein?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. It's kind of beat up, but yeah, I can't.
SPEAKER_11I love that story.
SPEAKER_01I can't, uh I can't because of the headphones, I don't know what's gonna happen if I take them off.
SPEAKER_11Can you freaking song extendo arms? You know him.
SPEAKER_06Sometimes you what? I know who, extendo arms?
SPEAKER_11No, what's his name? From Fantasti from oh fuck Reed Richards? Or no, maybe it's in Incredibles or something. Reed Richards. No, the extendo arms. Okay, what is it? Fantastic for Okay, what's it called? Extendo arms.
SPEAKER_06Body manipulation? Oh my god! Did he make his way so so thin and small because he's elastic and elasticity, is that what you're looking for?
SPEAKER_11It's something unless it's extendo arms.
SPEAKER_06It's not extendo arms. That's just some bullshit you made up.
SPEAKER_11Yes, it is Noah. No. No. No! I think I can let can I phone a friend?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, please. Who are you gonna call? Ghostbusters?
SPEAKER_11I know. I feel like Xander would know this.
SPEAKER_06I was uh my first thought was Xander would probably be able to answer this question.
SPEAKER_11Xander, you're on the podcast. Yeah, we um we wanted to ask you from Fantastic Four, who's the guy that's like something in Extendo arms or whatever.
SPEAKER_03Mr. Fantastic.
SPEAKER_11No, he has like a name. It's like Extendo or something. No, but what's his like actual Mr.
unknownFantastic?
SPEAKER_11Is there something he calls his arms? Like money in an extendo arms?
SPEAKER_00I'm on the flexible bus right now.
SPEAKER_11Shit, all right. I didn't know you had money like that. I didn't know you rolled in cash like that.
SPEAKER_00Bro, I'm gonna roll like it right now. Uh no, he doesn't have an A, but there's also there's Elastic Man, but he's like a bad NDC guy.
SPEAKER_11I'm glad we can fact check her Xander through Xander. Um Xander, I guess we'll see you at the Nina Lane show.
SPEAKER_00Yes, uh shout out Nina Lane.
SPEAKER_11Shout out Nina Lane. All right, I'll uh I'll talk to you real soon then, alright? Thanks so much for calling in. Alright, see ya. Who should we call now? No one.
SPEAKER_06How about a therapist?
SPEAKER_11You know I don't have that.
SPEAKER_06Now that's a that's that's a classic Grayson Hoselle, one-liner.
SPEAKER_11Oh, the last question of the psychopath test. I didn't even see it because it zoomed in, but have you ever killed somebody? No, if you bite mozzarella sticks.
SPEAKER_05Was that a joke? If you bite mozzarella sticks. What was that?
SPEAKER_11So that's your beef of the week. My beef of the week also had to do with um with the streets of New York, which is spatial awareness, which really grinds my gears. People that are walking so like I'm always paying attention to what's in front of me and what's behind me, and what's to the side of me, and what's above me, and what's below me. And I can stand people that are walking, and it's just their world, and we're just living in it. Like, let's all be a little bit more cognizant. When I was in Hong Kong, everybody was paying attention to who was around them, and it was really beautiful.
SPEAKER_06Wait, when did you go to Hong Kong?
SPEAKER_10November of last year.
SPEAKER_06What?
SPEAKER_11For a wedding.
SPEAKER_06Oh, that's right, yeah. You were with uh Yaboy at the time. Yeah. What was Hong Kong like? Shout out Hong Kong, free Hong Kong for show.
SPEAKER_11I don't even want to talk about it because I actually don't want to go there mentally.
SPEAKER_06Oh, okay. Where do you want to go mentally? Paint me a picture.
SPEAKER_11The circus. I want to escape the circus.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Okay, you want to escape the circus?
SPEAKER_11Cut you, you and I are we're in the circus and we want to escape because we actually really want to join corporate America.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_11No, don't be a clown, it's gonna make it. Okay, alright, sorry.
SPEAKER_08Tickets! Get your tickets here! Get your tickets! My name's Grayson, I'm the ticket collector! Grayson.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, what's up, dude?
SPEAKER_08I'm buying you.
SPEAKER_06In the booth. Okay. What's what's going on? Why are you being so secretive?
SPEAKER_08Tickets!
SPEAKER_10Get your tickets! Let's l listen. Listen to me. Look at me.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_11The other way I'm the other side.
SPEAKER_06Oh, sorry. And for audio only listeners, we're doing physical comedy now?
SPEAKER_11Um, you probably didn't know this, but I am the world's smallest woman, and so that's probably why you didn't know where I was.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god. Why are you wearing American Girl doll clothes? Now I'm over here in my regular city. Oh my god, you're so fast for being so small.
SPEAKER_11Get your tickets! I'm wearing American Girl doll clothes because this is what they put me in because they I'm polypocket size.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, wait. You're the main attraction. You're the world's smallest woman.
unknownYeah. Yep.
SPEAKER_06What are you doing here in the ticket booth?
SPEAKER_11Here, I'm gonna shut the ticket booth for a second. Okay. We need to get the fuck out of here. Things are getting pretty bad. And I'm noticing that this whole thing's a fucking scamp. The bearded woman, that's not even her beard.
SPEAKER_06What whose is it? It's not important right now. Let's move on.
SPEAKER_11I think we gotta get out of here, and I can't do it on my own because I'm so little and petite and small.
SPEAKER_06Right. Yeah, you could jump- I mean you fit into a teacup. That's like the your big thing, is like at the very end of the show. The main ringleader of the circus, he just puts you in and then he drinks you up.
SPEAKER_11And then I s and then I have to go through his whole intestine system. Do you even know what that's like?
SPEAKER_06No, I know I can't even imagine.
SPEAKER_11Every single night I have to go through his whole entire intestine and I actually come back out his belly button. And then I sleep in there sometimes.
SPEAKER_06If it you sleep inside of his belly button or inside of his stomach?
SPEAKER_11Inside of his belly button, the ringmaster.
SPEAKER_06Wow, you're so dainty and petite, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_11I know. So I can't keep doing this anymore, and I want to get out of here. I want to run away, and I need you to put me in your pocket, in your in your coat pocket.
SPEAKER_06Okay, Polly, I can put you in my pocket. Where do you want to go, Polly?
SPEAKER_11I want to join corporate America. All I could think about my whole life was how bad I wanted to crunch numbers and circle back.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Do you think that this conversation is too long didn't read, or should we try and circle back and actualize our return on investment of this?
SPEAKER_11That.
SPEAKER_06Well, it's normal size for most people because you're so dainty and small. What job would you even have in Corporate America? Being a doorstop?
SPEAKER_10Hey, don't talk to me like that.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, you slap me. Yeah, you're not. So much force behind a tiny slap.
SPEAKER_11My hands are so dainty and small.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'm surprised they're not broken. You know, most laptops are pretty large. You're gonna have to jump to each key in order to type. Is that something you really want to commit to?
SPEAKER_11I wouldn't mind that. I get the steps in. It's much better than sleeping in the ringmaster's belly button.
SPEAKER_06So much for Office Siren, you'd be like the office fairy because of how small you are.
SPEAKER_10Well, me and Tinkerbow go way back.
SPEAKER_06They tried to lock her up too here, but Well, they tried to lock her up because she committed vehicular manslaughter.
SPEAKER_11Okay, well that was unrelated, and you don't have proof of that.
SPEAKER_06Well, uh maybe I don't, but the Sheriff's County does. When they got her toxicology report, it was clearly DUI. She had like four different kinds of amphetamines inside of her system.
SPEAKER_11Okay, listen. Are you gonna be a fucking narc or are you gonna come with me?
SPEAKER_06The corporate America?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. You suck here anyway. You're like literally, you don't have any Remember when you tried to apply for Ringmaster?
SPEAKER_06Well, yeah, they said the only reason why I'm I'm in the ticket booth is because I'm the only guy that can go tickets!
SPEAKER_11Get your tickets here! Yes. And I think it's time for us to go, so put me in your pocket.
SPEAKER_06Okay, get in.
SPEAKER_10Put me in your pocket. Alright, let's go to corporate America. We go! Let's I let's get out of this damn circus. Okay. Cut out.
SPEAKER_06Cut out. That was pretty good. I was gonna do that, uh, what is that? One wait, what is it? How does that uh Shirley Temple thing go for New York? One girl? No, wait, wait, hang on, hang on, hang on.
SPEAKER_11This is the pla This is the podcast where we look everything up every five minutes.
SPEAKER_06Wait, wait, wait. Welcome to Are We Looking Everything Up Every Five Minutes?
SPEAKER_11Um I think we should call that episode um Are We Psychopaths? What uh New York Have you ever even seen my hair slick back like this?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, all the time. No, you haven't. I never really do it. Carrot Top. What is the The Fucking You calling me carrot top? No, what's the on Broadway, the little girl Annie? Oh New York Annie.
SPEAKER_11What song are you trying to think of?
SPEAKER_04NYC Just got in this morning! One girl, two bags. Should we audition for a play?
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_11It's a bit.
SPEAKER_06Honestly, I think about it all the fucking time.
SPEAKER_11I really want to be in a play. I'm saying the bit part because I didn't want you to judge me.
SPEAKER_06No. I think uh we should audition for Are We Auditioning for Broadway? Dog, I'm getting uh reach people are reaching out to me to audition for all the time.
SPEAKER_02What?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I don't do them.
SPEAKER_02Um do you think that do you think I could do it?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, of course. You got the voice for it. You could be a phone sex operator too, but I don't we don't talk about that enough.
SPEAKER_11Cut to me being a phone sex operator in Broadway play.
SPEAKER_06Okay, here we go. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_11Ring ring ring. Hey there. This is the musical sex hotline. This is the sexy musical hotline. How can I help you?
SPEAKER_06Perfect. Yeah, I'm a former theater kid. I'm also a pervert. So I'm really helping. Wow. Okay, I can see you got the bulk of show. Can I do you do you take requests?
SPEAKER_09Yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Um Phantom of the Opera. You know, I'm getting paid by the second on this.
SPEAKER_09This is uh I'm getting paid.
SPEAKER_06I'm paying by the second for this. I forget.
SPEAKER_09The phantom of the opera is there inside my mind. And I wanna f you.
SPEAKER_05And I wanna have sex with you. Cut out, cut out. I don't like that. Cut out.
SPEAKER_11I'll cut out the whole thing. One of my favorite things to do is say, I'm gonna cut that out, and then if you notice if you listen to the podcast, I never cut it out because I'm too lazy.
SPEAKER_06Hey, that's okay.
SPEAKER_11I really think I'm gonna audition for a play. I think I'm gonna start looking tonight. I've always wanted to do that. When I was in high school, I would always go and I would aud I would go to the auditions and I would just stand uh in the hallway of the auditions and I would like go and put my name in and then I would just disappear. I did that for like three years in a row. Because I was too scared.
SPEAKER_06Can you dance? I think dancing is pretty heavily involved. I I can. The uh the Chicago one would be fun. I forget which I think Chicago
SPEAKER_02Chicago.
SPEAKER_06No, not that Juna Vega. No, you might uh I think her name's Roxy.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_06I think I'm not sure. She's literally a ginger woman in Chicago, and she's trying to think what's her big musical.
SPEAKER_11But I'm not like that good at singing. You know what I mean? I like can just get a couple riffs, and I feel like.
SPEAKER_06I mean, I feel like uh so I saw Chicago in person, not trying to brag.
SPEAKER_11And you think I could do it?
SPEAKER_06I think you could do it, she.
SPEAKER_11Let's do oh wait, do you want you wanna know something that I want to invest in for our podcast? Really bad.
SPEAKER_06Sure.
SPEAKER_11Um, I want to do get a loop system so we can do songs on here.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_11No, eventually. Um it's gonna take time, but like a loop system. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06You know what my dream role would be? Oh, I should have asked. What? That's okay. Uh, in I think it's called Waitress. There's the there's the one guy that's like, I love you, means you're never, ever, ever getting rid of me.
SPEAKER_11Wait, Grayson, I really think that you should do a play or a musical.
SPEAKER_06Do you think I have the vocal chops for it?
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I do. Are we auditioning for a play?
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, why don't we write our own?
SPEAKER_10Oh!
SPEAKER_11We should wait, I forgot we can do that.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, we can just do everything and we can self-finance it.
SPEAKER_11You got that? It's funny, you just said like we. Like you made the money thing a we thing. Wait, Grayson, we should write a play.
SPEAKER_05Sure.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_06Is that what you're flirting with now?
SPEAKER_11Um guys, Grayson and I are gonna write a play. Guys, if you've made it this far, please like the video. Um, comment, subscribe. Sometimes when you speak, I hate it.
SPEAKER_06Get it all out now. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_11Do you think I'll get my period this week? Are we are we bleeding?
SPEAKER_06Are we regular? Because if not, mama needs to take a pregnancy test.
SPEAKER_11I do not need a pregnancy test. That wouldn't be it.
SPEAKER_06I wasn't talking about you. Are we becoming fatherhood?
SPEAKER_11Are we becoming fatherhood? Would you help me raise my kid?
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_11What yes, you would.
SPEAKER_06I would not. I would be a fun uncle that comes around for like maybe an hour.
SPEAKER_11But what if I really needed? What if I was like, oh Grace, I'm keeping this baby and like I need to keep it at your house for a little with me? You wouldn't do that?
SPEAKER_06With you? As in your staying at my house with a baby child when you could just raise it anywhere else except for my apartment?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Would you do that? You would.
SPEAKER_06I mean, probably, but I don't want to. What I'm flirting with from now on is trying to get better sleep.
SPEAKER_11Do you wear an eye mask?
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_11Oh, you're totally sure that changes the sleep game.
SPEAKER_06I kept I kept thinking about, and this is how long I've been out of the game for. I'm like, what if the next like sexual encounter I have is It's gonna be a blindfold thing.
SPEAKER_11A blindfold date?
SPEAKER_06Oh no, like a blindfold thing. Like if if I if I know that the night is ending in the f with the throes of passion in my own sleeping receptacle, I do think uh a mask is going to be involved to really amp up the pleasure.
SPEAKER_10What are you even saying? It's one of those things where This is why you can't get laid, bro. This is why, because you say shit like that.
SPEAKER_06I think this is part of many reasons why I can't get laid. I think that's the problem. Schedule, inability.
SPEAKER_11You have way too many couches in here.
SPEAKER_06Way too many places to sit around here, which you could incorporate into a sexual encounter for sure.
SPEAKER_11Like you want to have a big orgy here?
SPEAKER_06Couch, no. Are we I'm not a hey, I'm not a multi-gal kind of guy. I can't do more than one person, literally.
SPEAKER_11You never don't want to do the stuff I want to do.
SPEAKER_06Bro, I'm not having a freaking orgy.
SPEAKER_11I have no depth of perception. I keep hitting the mic.
SPEAKER_06Like, it's I can hear it getting like squishy because your face is so oily.
SPEAKER_02Now who would ever thought that we'd both be here tonight?
SPEAKER_06I feel like you're I feel like you're over singing this song. Where were you on 9-11? Think about it. If you had born yet? Yes. 99, you were born. If you had the money and resources, would you have ended up on the island?
SPEAKER_05I think I I'm actually Are we on the wrong side of history?
SPEAKER_11Okay, 9-11. I don't really remember. I was like three.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_11Giving my age away.
SPEAKER_06Three plus two, like she's gonna be 30 this year.
SPEAKER_11No, I'm not. 29.
SPEAKER_06Oh.
SPEAKER_11I'm not 30.
SPEAKER_06You're gonna want to cut that out. Cut hey, cut that out.
SPEAKER_11Grayson's about to his birthday's on the 9th, guys, September 9th. Everybody say happy birthday to Grayson.
SPEAKER_06I appreciate it. Just tell me privately. You don't have to make a spectacle out of it.
SPEAKER_11I'm making a spectacle. I'm making a grid post.
SPEAKER_06I'm telling you right now, I'm not reposting.
SPEAKER_11I don't need you to repost anything. Why can't I celebrate you? Do you not want people to say happy birthday? Is that why?
SPEAKER_06I don't like celebrating myself.
SPEAKER_11I'm making a whole ass reel, actually.
SPEAKER_06Why?
SPEAKER_11Because just to make you mad. I do think that if Epstein was here and he saw me particularly in this outfit, he would take me away. All this. I have a question. Do you think that if I was correct that he would give me back?
SPEAKER_06I don't believe he's in the business of giving back.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_11But do you think that he so do you think that he would be like really annoyed by me, is what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_06For what reason?
SPEAKER_11Because I am the way I am. Like, do you think he'd be like, this thing baddy, turn this thing off? Shut this thing up. Where's the off button? Where's the off switch on this fucking thing? He'd say stuff like that. Do you have any advice for my future husband?
SPEAKER_07Dear future husband, here's what you need to know about Sid if you want her to be your wife for all the life.
SPEAKER_11Say it not in song. What advice do you have for my future husband?
SPEAKER_06To Sid's future husband, here's what I will say. Um get a muzzle. I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You have to understand that when she is going through any sort of slight inconvenience, she's going to tarnish every bit of her reput represent reputation in a way that's going to damage her emotionally, mentally, socially for about five days. It's self-destructive behavior. I'd like to think she can get through it and she could she could you know axe that portion of her life where she continues to give in and just let the walls come down. Trauma as it as it as an excuse for her behavior.
SPEAKER_11I've never done that.
SPEAKER_06Every single time you go, I had trauma.
SPEAKER_11I literally don't say that.
SPEAKER_06You say that all the time.
SPEAKER_11You're saying this because you said, like, what's wrong with you? And I said I watched my parents shoot up heroin. And that's what he means.
SPEAKER_06She she likes to use her trauma as the punchline of a joke that was never existing in the first place.
SPEAKER_11So okay, that's great. Thanks. Um, my advice?
SPEAKER_06I didn't ask for it, but go ahead. I can't wait to see how you're going to hurt my feelings now.
SPEAKER_11My advice for Grayson's future wife.
SPEAKER_06And you know who you are. It's already been established.
SPEAKER_11Always keep a pair of slippers at the front door for him because he doesn't like how his feet feel. That is a good point, actually. He touches cold, hard surfaces.
SPEAKER_06That's actually a great point. That is that's actually very good information to know. Usually I'm pretty good about keeping my own pair of slippers by the by the entrance, but yeah.
SPEAKER_11He loves a chopped cheese and he loves a chopped cheese special. Make sure you have one in the fridge once a week.
SPEAKER_05At all times, otherwise he will have a panic attack.
SPEAKER_11And he will have a panic attack anyway. So make sure that you um are prepared to calm him down in moments of distress. If he says something that he thinks was like a little weird, he will probably ruminate on it for a really long time. So be prepared for that. And also, sometimes he says things that aren't funny, but you're gonna have to like pretend laugh a little bit for him at his at his expense, just so that's but to to be fair, you need to know that I say them knowing that they're not funny, and that's what makes it funnier to me. Yeah, it's for him at the end of the day.
SPEAKER_06It's 100% for me. I know that shit's not funny. I'm going to say it anyways, and it's gonna kill every vibe in the room, and everybody's gonna hate me and want to hit me with hammers, and I'm gonna think it's hilarious.
SPEAKER_11Uh you'll want to shoot a spitball at him in the face. A lot of them. Keep a set of straws and little wet balls next to your bedside.
SPEAKER_06And also keep doing that thing with your mouth.
SPEAKER_11Ew! Like, I'm keeping that in.
SPEAKER_05It's been so long, guys.
SPEAKER_11Alright, guys. Ew! Qurays and shut up. This is a gross. You're gross real. Anyway, guys, thank you so much for watching the episode this week.
SPEAKER_06I'm a better person for it. I'm a better person for keeping my John locked away into my Long John silvers. Long John's.
SPEAKER_11But you I've never seen anyone get long john silvers. Are they in business still?
SPEAKER_06I do believe in most places they are still in business. I personally have never had the desire to get frozen fish, but is it frozen when they serve it to you? Uh no. But I know it is backstage.
SPEAKER_11My mom's convinced that the fish fillet from McDonald's is like good for you. So she gets it a lot.
SPEAKER_06That is true. They do make it out of uh sacrifice babies. Oh my god. Placenta. Yeah, there's a lot of people.
SPEAKER_11You know you can eat your placenta.
SPEAKER_06I know people who have.
SPEAKER_11Personally?
SPEAKER_06Like personally, as in I know them personally who have eaten, yeah, they take it home. It's like full of nutrients. I don't know.
SPEAKER_10Is it a sibling?
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_10Anyway, guys, that's all the time we have. Eat the placenta. And eat the rich.
SPEAKER_05Eat the rich. Eat the placenta.
SPEAKER_11Okay, guys. Thank you so much for being here. I'm gonna literally clock race in after.
SPEAKER_06Where's our are we munches?
SPEAKER_11Are we munchausen's?
SPEAKER_06Are we munchausen's by proxy?
SPEAKER_11Who do you think is more likely to do that?
SPEAKER_06Well, I to begin with, I don't even know what that is.
SPEAKER_11Okay, wait. Who do you think is more likely to have Stockholm syndrome or you? It's where you're kind of like manipulated into being you because you hate being alone.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. You will be manipulated into any circumstance as long as you know that you're not alone.
SPEAKER_11That's kind of sweet at the end of the day. It's kind of sweet. Okay, guys, thanks so much, and we'll see you next week. We love you.
SPEAKER_06My name is Grayson.
SPEAKER_11My name is Sid, and this is our floor in the podcast that we do together. Okay, bye! Wow, what an episode, huh?