#12 Parvez Hemnani: Million Pound Deals to Finding Calm in the Chaos

After arriving in the UK as a young student in 1975, Parvez Hemnani set out with a simple ambition: build a better life for himself and his family. What followed was a successful career spanning decades in sales and marketing, negotiating million-pound deals, leading teams and working under the relentless pressure of targets, forecasts and performance expectations.

In this episode, Parvez joins Jayne to reflect on the hidden cost of working in high-pressure corporate environments and the moment he realised that stress at work, combined with challenges at home, had become too much to carry alone.

Parvez shares the practical strategies that helped him find calm in the chaos, including early morning walks, meditation, gratitude and the importance of having trusted people he could turn to when life felt overwhelming. He speaks openly about why men often struggle to talk about stress, how attitudes towards mental health are changing in younger generations and why support networks matter more than ever.

The conversation also explores what organisations could do differently to support emotional wellbeing at work, from normalising conversations about mental health to creating simple opportunities for mindfulness and reflection during the working day.

Parvez also reveals the surprisingly simple prioritisation system that helped him manage pressure throughout his career and explains why gratitude remains one of the most powerful tools for building resilience.

This is an honest and thoughtful conversation about success, stress, self-awareness and the small daily habits that can make a profound difference when life feels anything but fine.

Connect with Parvez on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/parvez-hemnani-6785367/ 

EF training exists because nobody should have to pour from an empty cup. Founded by Jayne Ellis who learnt the hard way so you don't have too.

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If you or someone you know would like to join the conversation and be a guest on our podcast, please get in touch. 

Connect with us at info@eftraining.co.uk

Visit us at http://eftraining.co.uk for more information about Jayne Ellis and learn about our Compassion Fatigue and Emotional Resilience Training for Organisations and Individuals.

Please note: This podcast is intended for education and supportive purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or contact your GP. 

The views and options expressed by guests on this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views, values or position of EF training Ltd. Guest content is shared in the spirit of open conversation, learning and intended as a safe space for honest dialogue. 

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the I'm Fine podcast with me, Jayne Ellis. My lovely guest this week is a family friend and colleague of my husband, whose name is Parv, and I will let let him introduce himself to you. So hello, Parv, and thank you very much for being on the podcast. It's an absolute pleasure always to speak to you. Hi, Jayne. Morning to you. Happy to be on the podcast today. I'm Parv Himdani and have been a friend of Toby's, I think since 2000 and of course I've known you as well so yeah. Yeah. So my first question to you really is go back to, I don't know, 18, 19-year-old Parv. Okay. What was his ambitions? What did he want to do in life? And have you fulfilled them? I guess around that time I was an immigrant to the UK. I came here as a student, so I was on student visas at the time. And my ambition was really to study and go back home, and then make a better life for myself and my parents. So That was the driving force at the time, yes. When did you come here to study? I came here to study in 1975. I just did my A levels. And then I did a marketing engineering degree in Huddersfield. That's quite a way away. So how did you end up working for the organization that Toby met you what was your sort of career progression to that point? Where did you get to? Yeah, it's a long story. So after my degree in Huddersfield, I worked for an electronics component manufacturer in Essex for a while. Then ended up working in BT in the international marketing team. And then within BT I also worked what they called at the time was their international video conferencing service. And when I left BT, I then went to a company called Polycom, or rather Picturetel, sorry. Picturetel at the time which got taken over by Polycom. And it was around that time, and that was 1995-ish that I actually came across Toby. And we crossed paths a few times after that. And it wasn't till around 2006 that we actually worked in the same organization which was Gordian Yes. Fond memories of that organization. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So the podcast is about mental health and looking after yourself, and I know from being married to Toby for 35 years, that working in a sales and marketing environment is not particularly stress-free How do you deal with the stress and the pressure that's put on you especially when you're working for a big organization and you're talking about, million pound deals and projects that you have to get involved with? How do you deal with the stress of that? I have various strategies that I've built up over the years. And they didn't all come at once. So I think probably half a dozen strategies that I use. I think the first thing to say is that I had one time when things were really bad when neither of my parents were well. And there was a lot of stress at work as well to hit the numbers. And I think when you have three different stresses coming together then Your body just locks down. Everything just locks down. And it was around that time that I kinda started coming up with different strategies one of the most important ones for me is to actually go out for a walk I think between three and a half to five miles a day. I do it now as well, but not as regular as before. I guess I'm a lot more relaxed now. But I found that really useful because what that also did was me help with mindfulness as well. So I always walked without any music or anything like that. Some people prefer to have music on and they de-stress that way. I just walked without anything else. I was listening to the birds, listening to the traffic. It was just a different way of doing things. And the other thing I also did was I, every time I walked, I used different routes, so just give me a change of scenery. So it was done around half five in the morning. And that really helped because it just freshen your mind I guess the other strategy that I used quite well was meditating. And again, that came through just my experiences in the past. And I like meditating, so first thing in the morning before walking I'd sometimes meditate. I'd even meditate during lunch hours at work. I remember when I was working with Toby in Feltham, there was a time when I would go for a very quick lunch and then go find myself a very quiet office and actually meditate for 15 or 20 minutes. And I found that really useful. And the thing with meditation is that it's really difficult because all these thoughts keep coming to your mind, and You actually gotta tell your brain to switch off, which is a weird one, isn't it? You're telling your brain to switch off. Yeah. So yeah. Did you learn meditation? Was it something that you were taught? No, I think it comes naturally through practice. I started off with about, I think 10 or 15 minutes and then built myself up. I remember there was one Saturday when the postman knocked on the door. I'd started meditating at, I think it was about quarter to 5:00 in the morning. And normally it would be a half an hour, sometimes, 45 minutes, but I'd actually been meditating till about half 8:00 when the postman rang the doorbell. And I normally set an alarm I'm meditating and then the alarm goes and I'll get up and then go for my walk come back, have breakfast. But I'd forgotten to keep the alarm on that particular day and actually meditated till about half 8:00. And it was a, the whole day was I was just floating around just totally relaxed. So yeah I think it comes with practice. Yeah. Yeah. So if somebody was listening and they're not familiar with what it is that meditation helps with, how would you describe how it helps you? Yeah. So look, there are different forms of meditation. Some people meditate with some kind of very calm music. Some people will have, I don't know, a recording of birds or a recording of the sea or something like that. So I think you've gotta find something that actually helps you. I don't actually use any of that. Mine's pin drop silence. If there's any noise, then I can't do it, so I need peace and quietness. And what does it feel like? I think you calm down your body metabolism. Yeah. You just bring it back to, to ground. The other thing I actually have, I've done with the meditation piece, and this again came through just different experiences. I remember going to Windsor one time quite early in the morning and sitting on the bench there, and actually meditated there for half an hour, and this is early morning, it's about 6:00. And that was really soothing because the sound of water there, and again, as I said, I like pin drop silence, but at that time I was experiencing something different. So you've just gotta find different strategies- Yeah to help you. Yeah. Yeah. Now obviously the podcast is called I'm Fine, and the reason that we called it that is because it's one of those things that you say potentially when you're not fine, and I wondered whether you are aware of time when things have been very stressful at home and at work, and somebody has asked you how you are, and you've said, "I'm fine," and whether you could explain why it is you think we say that when actually we don't mean it? I think it's very British, isn't it? We all say we are fine. "Hey, anybody else? How are you?" "Yeah, I'm fine." I think the one thing about mental health and de-stressing, one thing that, that really for me helped me is having a support structure in place, so there are friends or family I can call to have a chat. And Toby is a good example. I have called Toby sometimes when I'm really uptight about something. And just have people you can just pour out to and just say, what you feel and how you feel. And then at least you've taken it off your chest. And I think there's nothing wrong... there used to be a stigma in telling people that, you're stressed or, you're exhausted there's no stigma attached to that anymore. I think you just gotta be honest with whoever you're talking to just tell them what you're experiencing. I used to work for a lady who was really good. She would ask me, "What are you feeling inside? What do you actually feel inside?" And when I talked to her, she was like, "Let's get to the bottom of it. What exactly are you feeling inside?" And that was quite difficult because you gotta really look inside and say what's bugging me? What's really distressing me?" And then when things went wrong, I had somebody else at work who said, "Did anybody die?" "No." So why are you stressed?" So it's just various people in life I think you can trust and just speak to them. And, they come back to you and talk to you as well when they're stressed. So it's just it helps in that sense. Yeah. So you've got that network. And you said, you think that the stigma of saying that you're feeling the way that you are is slightly, less than it used to be. I think it's probably still the case, isn't it that there is a degree of stigma as a man to say that you are experiencing that. But as I know that you are also the father of a young man, do you think the next generation is slightly better at it than we are? Oh yeah, definitely. Absolutely. So look, men generally don't discuss things. And I think there's some statistics to show that they don't even go to the doctors, right? So- Yes they keep things to themselves. I think men are more open now. And I think the younger generation coming through, far more open. And I think they're open to experiencing different ways of dealing with this as well. Yeah. Yeah. Have you noticed that with your own son? Yes, I have. I remember one time he called me up and he was like, "Dad, how do I meditate?" And, and- Oh, interesting and it was a conversation that was why do you wanna meditate?" But he was going through some challenges I think when he was at university and he was like- how do I meditate. So yeah yeah. That's good to hear. If you were to go back into the workplace now and I gave you an unlimited budget, and I said that you could set up a workplace, especially within the IT world, because obviously that's the one you're the most experienced with, and you were going to help people deal better with their mental health in the workplace, is there something you think that you could do as the managing director of this company that would help? Especially let's think about men again, help them with their mental health a bit better at work. Very good question. Actually, Jayne, I don't think you'd need a budget for what I would want to do. Okay. I would say 15 minutes at around 11:00 and 15 minutes at about 3:00, meditate for 15 minutes as a group meditation. Yeah. Just pull them away into a meeting room. No books, no laptops, no pens, no paper, nothing. Just sit there, switch off the lights, and meditate. And I tell you what, it'd be immense. Yeah that's what I would do. And I would also... i've been on one of your courses. And just having- A version of that for salespeople, because sales is the most, in my opinion, and I could be wrong because I was in sales is one of the most challenging, I think, roles because it's all about numbers all the time. Yeah. And hitting the numbers and, but at the same time, you've got to keep very calm and talk to your customers. And I think If you, and I know you offer courses around the NHS which I know is a challenging sector in itself. But I think if you could convert that into a sales related offering, that would really be helpful. Interesting. So a bit of emotional health and safety training, which is what we talk about, it's about giving people the tools, and then giving them permission to use them in a way that doesn't feel like a stigma that you're having to. Yeah. And look, salespeople have meetings suddenly I was going through, forecast calls every Monday and every Friday. And another organization I worked for, it was like a meeting every day to discuss, you know what? Start off with some meditation first. Or end it with some meditation, or have some conversations. The other thing that I really liked quite a few years back we used to go out for a walk as a group. Yeah. And, that helped as well, right? Yeah. We had a group that we taught and after the training, they used to go for a walk round the perimeter of the building before they went home. Yeah. As a team. That's what they decided they were gonna do to just try and just have a little bit of a gap between the work and then getting in your car and going home, and that, that worked really well for them. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's not something that costs a lot of money. I did first aid training for a long time before I did this, and I went and did some first aid training for a Japanese company in the UK based in just outside Staines. And when I got there, they were all doing Tai Chi, and they start the day with Tai Chi. And when they built the building, they built it as a square with an open courtyard in the middle. Yeah. And every morning it was expected that you went and did your Tai Chi before you started. It was only 15 minutes, like you said, but it, was just something that they did. They got in, they were paid. 'Cause sometimes with these things, they say put it on the end of the day or at the beginning of the day, or you have to use your lunch hour for it. But for them, it was part of their day and everybody did it. From the CEO to the lady that was, serving the coffee and the guy that was cleaning the floor, they all did it. Yeah. And you know what Jayne, I have a good friend of mine and I haven't been in touch with for a while, actually, but I know she actually does ch- Tai Chi for, for a number of corporate organizations. And she was very complimentary of how they work it through and the impact it has on, on, you know- I've started doing it. I signed myself up to 12 months and so I do it in the mornings and and I really like it. It's got this, there's some odd bits about it. You have to learn the names of the different moves. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's all about relaxation exercises, right? Something that kinda works for you. Yeah. Yeah. That's the key. It's got to be something that works for you. And I say this a lot when we do the course, we're quite pleasure seeking animals. If we find that what we do, we get benefit from, we're more likely to do it, aren't we? And we're also the type of animal that likes things to be easy. So if we can fit it into our day easily, then we tend to repeat it, don't we? Yeah, absolutely. Look, the other thing I find pretty useful is to actually immerse myself into something that zones me out completely. I like tinkering with cars. Okay. So I'm always finding things that are wrong in my car. If there's something wrong, I'm in there, I'll spend a whole day just looking at it and trying to work it out and repairing it, or whatever it is, but I completely zone out. And I find that really therapeutic as well. So it's just finding that little thing that helps you zone out. Yeah. It's that thing you get lost in when you suddenly realize the time's gone- Yeah and you've been concentrating on it. And over the years when we've been teaching this, we've had people, who said anything from, they've started crocheting in the evenings or they've, they've taken up painting again or they've, they've found something that they really like and yeah, it's about calming that central nervous system down, isn't it? And just pressing that reset button. Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like the two elements of responsible selfishness, and you've been on the training so you know that's what we call it, that you talk about are the tinkering with the cars, because that's what you get immersed in and lose yourself, and then the mindfulness and the meditation. Is there anything else that you do or have done? So if you were gonna give some advice to your younger self on how to deal better with the work that you put yourself through when you were working in sales all this time, is there some advice that you would go back and give your younger self about potentially what you could have found earlier or done differently? Yeah. I think, Maybe practicing some gratitude Tell me more about that So I think when you, thank somebody for something they've done for you or you're shown something that you didn't know or you learn something new then thank that person for showing you or something somebody's done for you then, accept it and show some gratitude. And I think that goes both ways, because when you do that, there's a nice feeling within yourself that you've done that. And the other person, when they experience that and I've seen that happen, they do it as well, and it just creates a very positive energy. Yeah. I think men and maybe I'm speaking for myself, but I think men at a younger age are immature. When I say younger age, 20, 25-year-olds in my opinion are immature compared to the girls. And I think practicing gratitude isn't quite there. So- that's the one thing that I would say to the younger, men. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And there's a phrase, isn't there? It's gratitude changes your attitude. And then it's a strange psychological phenomenon as well actually that if you're lying in bed and you think of five things that you're grateful for, your brain finds it really difficult to feel stressed at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little sort of psychological trick is that counselors use and it creates that mindset during the night where you're thinking about positive things instead of negative ones if you lie there and think of five things you're grateful for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good tip. That's really great. I think that you've been very helpful to anyone that's listening as you said, a lot of our work is with the health and social care environment, but we are working now with some of our corporate clients and putting together a course that help them with their emotional resilience. Is there anything you think that we should be talking about in that course that you think is really important? Obviously, we've talked about adding in some meditation and giving people the opportunity and the, less stigma involved in having that in the workplace. But is there anything else that you can think of? Yeah. So Jayne, there is something else which I think certainly in the corporate environment, and I think just generally would be very helpful. And it's not difficult, right? So how many times do you write down a to-do list? Ha. We all do it, right? Yeah. So firstly, I put it down on paper every morning. And if I can find one here I have a to-do list, which every morning I'll make a to-do list. And then every afternoon I'll look at it and I'll come up with a new list. Now, writing down a to-do list is fine. I actually give it a score. Okay. I'll have two columns. I'll have one column. So say I've got eight tasks. I'll number the in terms of easiness I'll number them from one to eight. So which one is the easiest and which one's the most difficult from one to eight? And then I'll also, the other column I'll put down what's important from one to eight as well. Okay? Yeah. So you might have something that's really easy, but it's not as important, so it gets a score of eight. Okay. I then multiply those two numbers, and the lowest number is the one I want to do first. And the reason for that is that once you've put it on paper, you've done it first, you actually put a cross across, it subconsciously, it's away from you. It's now gone. Otherwise, what happens is when you have a to-do list and what you might do first may not be the most easiest or, something that's really important is playing in the back of your mind and you get more and more stressed. So by putting it down on paper, actually putting some science behind it, and then actually taking it off it's a lovely feeling. And you come back in the afternoon and you look at it and you say, "Okay, out of those eight things, I've got four things left. Okay, let me put them down. I've got something else to add to that now." And I just, every day, literally every single day, I have a to-do list that's on paper. And I find that really useful That's brilliant. I'm stealing that immediately. And that's a brilliant way to end, 'cause I think people are gonna rewind and listen to that again and start doing that. We'll definitely steal your idea and and put it in our course 'cause I think that's really good and a really positive thing to do. Thank you so much for taking the time today to speak to me. I have thoroughly enjoyed it as always. It's wonderful to speak to you. And I hope that you have a lovely rest of the day in this glorious sunshine. Thank you, Jayne. Good talking to you and say hi to Toby for me, won't you? Of course. Thank you, Parv. Bye-bye. You take care. Cheers. Bye.