Terminology 101: Disabled vs Differently-Abled

Have you ever given a compliment that completely backfired? 

Or wondered what you "should" say when asking about someone's visible difference? 

In today’s episode, we sit down to unpack the everyday phrases, questions, and "well-meaning" comments that actually carry incredibly heavy emotional weight. 

From being called "brave" just for buying a latte, to the deeply frustrating "at least it's not cancer," we’re clearing the air on what it's really like navigating the world with alopecia and a physical disability. 

There's no official rulebook, but our golden rule is simple: read the room, and let the other person lead.

SUPPORT THE SHOW: Faith is running a half-marathon this May for the Little Lady Locks fundraiser! 

Donate HERE

If you learned something new today, hit follow, share this with a friend, and leave us a review! 

Follow us for more:
📸 Instagram: @sitdownwithuspod @faith_hiles @zaraborji
🎵 TikTok: @sitdownwithuspod

#DisabilityAwareness #Alopecia #ZaraAndFaith #WheelchairLife #Inclusion #RepresentationMatters #Podcast #ZebedeeModels

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, I'm Zara. And I'm Faith. And we would like you to sit down with us every Wednesday. So in today's episode, we're going to be looking at terminology. So language that people use day-to-day life or just through questions that they think is okay, but it's actually a very heavy word or a very heavy topic that they don't know they've just opened or jumped into.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

And before we get into it, I would just like to preface on both our behalfs that these are words that we personally feel. Yeah. And you might be disabled or you might be a person with a difference that you think, I'll see that I do not agree. And that is fair enough. And the point we're trying to make throughout this video is that every person is different, obviously. So a term might work for you and it might not work for me.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

And vice versa. In other words, there's no playbook or rule book. It's just kind of like read the room. Yes. And over everything let the other person lead. Yes. And we'll get to a summary at the end of the at the end of the episode, but essentially, that's that, really. But they are very specific to us as well. So yeah. And yeah, let's get into it. Yeah. So I think the first one that I think we could both relate to is you're so brave. You're so strong.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

I I get this a lot. Yeah. And throughout the years, at first I used to see it as a compliment.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Me too.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

I think because I got it more when I didn't feel brave and I didn't feel strong or confident. I think that was exactly what I was about to say. But now because I am, I'm like, they don't have to tell me.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

No, just because I think before I used to see it as validation. Yeah. A lot of the times. And I used to be like, oh yeah, I am brave for being out in the wild, blah blah blah. The wild. The wild, the world, shopping centres. Um which, if you are a person with a different slash disability, can be seen as the wild. Like people staring, it's scary. And but now I'm thinking, I am not strong and brave just because I'm buying a latte, just because I am at the gym doing pess ups. Like, and I and I it's annoying because I get why, as an able-bodied person, you would think that's a nice comment.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

But personally, for us, it's like, what else would you expect me to do? It's like I'm just living my life. And I understand how, like, not gonna lie, someone calling me brave when I was 12 years old and getting my first wig. It was brave of me at that point because I didn't want to wear a wig because then I had almost had to, didn't have to do anything. But at that point, to cover up my alopecia, which is what I wanted to do at that age, I had to wear a wig. And so I got called brave a lot for the struggles that I went through. But and looking back, I understand I needed that validation. But right now, I'm not brave, I'm just living my life. Yeah, and I think it's I'm brave if I'm gonna do a skydive.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Yeah. But otherwise, yeah. It's important to know and to realise that every person within their life, disability or not, goes through struggles. Yeah. So if you're gonna start calling me brave, you need to call everyone else brave.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah, everyone's got a moment of bravery. Everyone has strength, but you can't like just say, Oh, you're so brave for going out bold every day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

That's just me, babe. What tips the iceberg for me is when you call me brave within two seconds of knowing me. Yeah. Like you don't know a single story that represents the fact that I'm maybe I am brave. Maybe I there's a certain story in my life that makes me brave, but don't just assume that I am brave just by looking at my disability.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

And I know it comes from a good place, but it ends up being a backhanded compliment because it's like, yeah, I'm not calling you brave bomb just from just standing here in the aisle with me, you know, in Tesco.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Another backhanded compliment, speaking of, that was such a weird way of saying that. Speaking of, speaking of, um, and I think this personally for me, I don't know if you've ever had that, well, not this specifically, but when people say, Oh wow, you are too pretty to be in a wheelchair. And I'm like, honey, oh my gosh. Honey, it sometimes I laugh at that. I mean, you shouldn't, because it's not funny. But I'm like, how on earth do you think that was gonna be perceived? Yeah. And thank you for calling me pretty. Thanks for the compliment. Thanks for the compliment. But my wheelchair doesn't add or take away from that. To me personally, my wheelchair doesn't make me unattractive or attractive.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah. And if you think that the wheelchair makes a difference in your appearance, that's a you're the one that's shallow. Yeah, that's a you problem. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Whereas also, speaking of shallow people, I think a lot of people would love to hear about this. I recently had an experience with a guy who had an issue with my chair. Not gonna go into the details, but the said dating app that we were on actually banned him from this eating app. And do you know what? I'm just gonna shout them out. Thank you, Hinge. Because well done. Top marks. And I might even consider coming back on the app. But maybe yeah, because his behaviour was poor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Like the boy, 31, 32, bear in mind, should have known better.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Yes. And all I can say is he said he wouldn't swipe me because I was in a chair. And look at that, he can't swipe anyone now. No.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Job done. That was great. But continuing on from, like the pretty value, the one that I get that I you you know what, I used to love getting it, this comment, but now I'm thinking about it even more. I'm like, it's icky. Basically, where people say you look better without hair. Like a moment of silence, please. It's like I used to love it, and I'd be like, Yeah, I know I do, thank you. Because I was trying to own my bald look, knowing that my hair wouldn't grow back anyway. So of course I'll look better without hair because my hair's not growing back. Yeah. Like, even my body knows that. And it's like, I'm glad you think that. Yeah, because we're all talking about it. But at the same time, it's like it it makes me think that oh, thank God my hair hasn't grown back then.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Yeah, it's like it's so epic. It's not a choice for you. Yeah. So it's like saying, it's do you know what? I'm gonna sound strippy for saying this, but it's essentially what it's what it is. And it's like someone telling me as a wheelchair user that I look better sat down. Like, seriously though.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

If you deep it, but it's just it's for me, it's just a tricky woman because I used to love it, but more recently I'm like, well, yeah, but I love I love wearing this wig. Like, and I love wearing this hair system, and I love dressing up, and I love like the option of wearing a wig. Yeah, you know, and it's like, why can't I still be pretty and look stunning in a wig? Yeah. But no, it's just bold, like I look better bold. It's like, well, I'm still gonna wear my wig sometimes, and I don't really care of your opinion, but I'd quite like to think I look great either way. Yes. I don't know, but for me, that's that's an icky one for me. Like my partner says it all the time, but I am fine with that because I know where it's coming from, and he tells it me in my like low places. Yeah. Like when I'm having a low day, he'll tell me.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

It's again, it's like that thing where it's like, if I'm brave and if I've said a story that makes me brave, call me brave. And it's like if someone just off the back of like not knowing you says that to you, that's wrong. But because your partner knows you, that's completely.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

And it's normally come from like, to be fair, this comment normally comes from a stranger if they've said, if they've gone, oh, like they've asked if I wear wigs, I've shown them that I've worn a wig and they've gone, oh, you look better, bald. So it's merely from that, rather than like family and friends, because family and friends are normally just picking me up. Yeah. It's more from strangers if they've just said it out of the blue. So yeah. I must reiterate reiterate that because I do have families that say that all the time. Nothing. It's more it's all it's all good.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

Yeah. Um another one that I just find very like speechless about is when people say you don't let your disability stop you. What else do you gonna do, Beb? Like I get this in DMs. Really? Yeah, all the time. In DMs, in person and and sometimes, like kind of related to this, people say, I love how confident you are despite your disability, or like knowing you're like something along the terms of you're confident Yeah, despite your disability. And I'm like, What else would you want me to do though? Like I mean, I get like I have come a long way with my disability, and I am more confident than I was maybe like 10 years ago. But going back to you don't let your disability stop you, number one, stop me doing what? Like ex elaborate, please. Like, I'm I'm not a Paralympian. I'm not an athlete, I'm not a paralyzed, like I'm not it's this is this is going back to people calling me inspirational as well, and me having a problem with that because it's like You're just living your life day to day. Again, it it it's making me speechless. And it's like stopping me doing like what do people expect disabled people to be like? And like why it's I feel like I just put that out of there and I have nothing to add. And it just it's just because it really frustrates me. Like, what do you mean, don't let your disability stop you? You don't let your disability stop you. I mean, thanks. I try to let it not. And what does it stopping me look like? Yeah. Like, what would you do? Do that mean you just don't go out of the house, do you just stay indoors? Wait, that was eight years ago, but that's not now. Yeah, and I just think it's a really outdated compliment that you think is a compliment when it's not, it's not. It's really not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

I think another one that I feel like is a bit not similar, but also just like don't say it, is when people say, at least it's not oh the C word. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

And it's like, well, yeah, but I mean I'm glad it's not, but also it doesn't take away from the fact that it's like, yeah, because it's not that, it's alopecia.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Yeah. Like there's still so much under that. Like my hair just didn't fall out and I'm all fine and dandy. That's not how I'm.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Yeah, but I think saying it's at least it's not cancer also almost makes what your condition not conditioned.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

It makes my worth less. Like it makes me feel like what I'm going through is piss easy.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Sure. On similar to me, people say, oh, at least you're not fully paralysed. I'm sorry, honey.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

But it's it's weird because it's almost like they're wishing the worst for me. Yeah. You've not got it that bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

It's like you're fine, you'll you'll live. It's like, I'm sorry, people have it worse than you. Yes, as well. Like, and I think, yeah, fair point. I that my condition and your condition could have been a lot worse. But that doesn't mean what we have is any less serious. Yeah. And any less effective to our lives. And I just think it doesn't be like before you speak.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Honestly, the tagline, think before you speak. And I've I've I've actually had people say that to me before in the past, like, oh at least you're not dying. I mean, true. True. I'd rather not die. But at the same time, I'm like, your comment wasn't necessary. Honestly. It's like coming back from, I don't know, the shops to be like, oh, it's a good job you didn't get run over by a bus. Yeah. You know what I mean? You just don't say that to people. Like, why wish something that's not happened? I d I don't know. It's really it's bizarre. It's bizarre this one is. Like, at least it's not this, no, but unfortunately, I've got a conversation with you now. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Speaking of being tone-deaf, which I think is a lot of the reasons why these terms have been said to us. Yeah. And these comments have been tone to us.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

But that one and this one definitely tone deaf.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Um, so during I had a great school experience, but a few issues. And I think one thing that's always stuck with me, and actually sometimes kept me up at night because like the comment has gotten to me. And it's when I was told by a certain teacher, I'm not gonna help them, that if they can do it, they mean in yours truly, what's your excuse? So they basically turn out to someone else, and they were like whinging about something, and they were like, if they can do it, what's your excuse? And I love the idea that you think you can use me as a like a model motivation, but that's not giving what you think it's giving. No. And I just think, again, very extremely toned up.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Because it's making you you seem like you're very weak. Yes. And like not insufficient, but as if you can't do it like everybody else. Like the fact that I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

The fact that I'm doing it is to be praised. Yeah, no. Yeah. I just I just I just thought that was and obviously like I was in school at the time, I was like in high school, yeah, fifth 12, 13, 14, 15, however age. And that person was a teacher, and like they should know and they they set the example for me. So what they said was a big deal to me because I thought, oh yeah, they're right. And yeah, and I think, but I think sometimes what's happened is I've taken that and I'd be like, okay, I'll show you. And I've actually taken it in an adverse in an adverse way. Yeah. But I know some people wouldn't take it that way. Yeah. Which is absolutely fair enough as well. And I just think Just think before you speak. Yeah. I know I know we keep saying that, but there's there's nothing else to say.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

That's what it is. You just gotta think before you speak, honestly. And it's like when it's like the statement people say it could be worse. It's the same, it's like it could be worse when I was like 12. Someone said it could be worse, like all your hair could have gone because I had LP shariata. Look at me, it's gone. It got worse. Like, congratulations, you were right. Like, you weren't right. So it's like it could be worse. But I'm like, well, yeah.

unknown 15:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

I actually had that comment when I was 12. It could be worse. It did, babe. It got worse. Oh my god.

unknown 15:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

But I'm I mean I'm I get it all the time. I've not had I've not had it since because I mean there's no hair left to make it worse.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

But in terms of life, and it just makes you feel like you obviously I'm grateful to be here and to be able to move to whatever extent I can, but it just makes you feel like you need to be very grateful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

And it's like sometimes I just want to sit there and cry.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Yeah, it's like it's almost like some sayings and some terminology makes it seem as if I should be completely fine with how I am because someone else has got it worse. Yeah. Well, I'm not that other person. I'm me and this is my life. This is your experience. Yeah. And it's just, yeah, bizarre. Turn death. I think of all the terminology though, one that I think has got, I guess, confused online in the disability community, in terms of like what's right and what's wrong to say. And I think it's very much down to the person and the individual. Yeah, and I think when we talk about sorry. Yeah, there's no generalised like right or wrong with this.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

And I think when we talk about every person's different, this is truly one of those cases because I've seen so many places on social media who will be disagreeing with what I'm about to say. And it actually makes me scared to even talk about this, but I'm gonna say it. And I think it's about the world word disabled. Personally, for me, I don't like it. Yeah. And I know that's gonna be like, wow, what have you what is going on? Boycott. No, please don't boycott us. Let me explain. And I think to me, for me personally, and what I've kind of gone on about throughout this podcast, throughout my Instagram, throughout my life, is the fact that the word sorry, is the fact that the world is more disabling to me than me being disabled. And I know some people think it, what? And what I'm trying to say by that is I I always think the word disabled has a negative connotation to it.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Yeah, because when if you are negative to someone or you like ignore someone, you diss them.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Yeah, and I think slang putting this, putting this in front of any word, disadvantaged, disappointed, disarming, disappointed. Yeah, it's it instantly makes it negative. And I personally wouldn't want to kn label myself as a human being some less than. Less than exactly less than. That was a great term. Well done. Top marks. And I know a lot of people say that completely disagree with this. A lot of people in the disability community agree disagree with this. And I just think fair enough, each person's different, like I said, and you're more than welcome to disagree. But for me personally, I just think the world is disabling. Yeah, I'm not disabled. I again, people are gonna hate me for saying this, but I see myself as differently abled.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Yeah, because you're still able to do everything I can do. You just do it in your own way. Yeah. You just do it in your own way.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. I know there's some things I definitely cannot do. Case in point, running. Cannot do it.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Speaking of running, please um There's still time. There's still time to put towards the Little Lady Locks fundraiser for my half marathon in Oh my gosh, in like a few days.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Yeah. Or in May, yeah. Ah I don't know why we keep my five.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Next um, because why not?

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Are you ready? Am I ready?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah.

unknown 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

We'll have fun.

unknown 19:15

Gosh.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

If you see me wheeling about town, I'm not crazy, I'm just following her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

You can find me actually.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

I'll get I'll get an art, apparently. I'll be there. I'm gonna this weekend. My partner. But yeah, we'll let you know how it's gone. I'll come back next week like, oh my. You need a you need my wheelchair. Yeah. Fun fact, I actually have two wheelchairs. So if needs be, there we go. Thank you. Anyway. And I just think, yeah. And so um I feel like I'm really awkward talking about this because I know, I know I know in my bones there's gonna be people who disagree with this, but I just don't like the word disabled. And and I know some people are like, oh yeah, but like the society's made us not like the word. It's not society. I'm just I don't see myself as disabled. Yeah. And I just I feel like yeah. Yeah. And I think and I think the question you need to ask yourself is who is the word disabled serving? Like if you label yourself as something negative, is it serving you or is it serving everyone else? Yeah. And you should think about that before being keyboard warriors in the comments. I'm preempting that. Maybe people will agree with me.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

I mean I mean to be fair, in another world, like in another way to see this, I don't call myself different. I don't go home and label myself different. I'm just bold because that's a fact. I have no hair in my head, that's the that's a fact. Yes. And I used to hate the word, like my sister used to tease me growing up and calling me bald be boldy, but at that point, I wasn't bald, so I did take offense to that. But now, like, I am bald. Don't call me boldy though, because that's a pet name, and that's just weird. But maybe not a pet name, but that's a weird pet name.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

But if you have any pet pets with that name, by the way, let us know because I actually need to know.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

But it's like at the end of the day, I am happy being called bald now, but back then, no, because I wasn't bald.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

And it's so now maybe we'll say, You're different, I'm not different. Like, I could do everything that you can do, and you don't have hair. So it's like it's similar. Yeah. Because people will say, I'm living with a difference, I'm visibly different, but just because you're seeing me with my looks, yeah, but everything else is the same.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

And it's like if you shaved your hair by choice, would you would people call you different words just say nice haircut? Yeah. So yeah. And I just think just because mine's permanent. Yeah. And just going back to the world word disabled, just it doesn't I understand why some. People use it, but it just doesn't sit right. Sit right with me, and no pun intended, but it just doesn't sit right with me. And that's that.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I think to hone it in on alopecia, there are this is terminology that needs to be said so that nobody else says it. Because I think everyone in the alopecia community can agree that these next three things that I'm about to say complete no-nos. So if this is new to you, that's fine. Like this is why we're coming on here to learn, to share what's right and what's wrong. But these three are like boycotted, like never again say please. So one big one is that it's just hair. Face value, yes. It is just my hair that you can visibly see that I'm losing. However, underneath all that, emotionally, I'm distraught. Yeah. Physically, I'm anxious I'm anxious. People, this can cause depression. It can make you not want to leave the house because you don't like the way you look because your hair is falling out.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

100%.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

So it's literally, it's dehumanizing as well. Like, I've woken up in the past. Yeah, I've woken up in the past and my hair's become a partner. Like when I when I had hair, it would fall out when I would be asleep, when I was in the shower, everywhere. And it's so awful like seeing it on someone you live, and it's like you can't help it, it just falls out. And so just hair is not just hair. It's not just hair. So let's stop that straight away. Because yeah, or you can see that it that it is just hair, but it's it's not just hair. It goes way beyond that. So beyond that, massively. And then that leads on to people saying it's a cosmetic issue. And I got this a lot, especially when going to the doctors or the hair clinic or dermatology, all my appointments growing up. It was like, just go talk, just go get a wig, like go get like a hair system, go get like um hair accessories. It's a cosmetic issue. It's not actually, it's an autoimmune condition. Yeah, it's not a cosmetic issue. It can be fixed, fixed with quotes for those that are listening. I've got my quotations fixed by wigs and by hair systems, but that's not a fix. That's just a way forward for people to feel more confident in themselves. Yeah. It's not a fix, it's another option.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Because it's not fixed me like at all. I just choose not to wear them anymore. Yes. Or wear them less. Embracing 100%. You're not 100%. So it's not a cosmetic issue, because it's nothing to do with cosmetics. Yeah. Like it can't be like it's there's no cure. There there's words and conversations of um jack inhibitors of jacks, J A K inhibitors, but again, lots of symptoms and side effects with that. There is And I think it's quite bizarre that that has come from a medical professional.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Yeah. Like if anything, they should be the one to bust those myths and just like know better.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I mean it was it was really I mean, obviously, my diagnosis was back in 2010, and the awareness of alopecia was very shhy. Those of you that watched our Mother's Day special, you'll you'll already know that like the doctor was learning at the same time that we were learning what it was, to the point that they actually got it up on the screen, like typed into Google alopecia. Like they did not know, they didn't know themselves, they couldn't explain it, they have to show me. So there's been a lot more education in terms of the medical field that know what it is, to the point that Jack Inhibitors are quite new, but again, it's not a cosmetic issue or a cosmetic fix is not a thing. So there are already two things just hair, cosmetic issue, no, and I think finally, just to wrap up what not to say, is when people say, Oh, I couldn't do that.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Do you think you had a did they think you had a choice?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yeah. Long pause. I'm sorry. Do you think I like wished upon a star?

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Like, honestly, do you think I wanted this to happen to me? Oh, do you know what? Again, it's one of those where it's like it seems nice.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

It's not a good thing. Yeah, it's like this doesn't make me better than you by you saying this, and I think that's what people are wanting from that. They want to almost big you up by saying, You're amazing because you're now bold. Like, I'm amazing anyway, regardless. But it's the fact that like I didn't ask for this, these are just the cards that I've been dealt, and I'm dealing with them. And in my own way, I'm dealing with them. And I think to say that, oh, I couldn't do that, I couldn't go bald, it's like if you hadn't got a choice, you would. And that's so harsh to say. Yeah. But from someone that's gone through it, and I'm at the end of my my alopecia journey now. I say at the end, this is the end. This is the end. But it's it's a fact of like my hair is not gonna grow back, and I've accepted that. And I'm still learning and growing every day in terms of how it makes me feel, and how I can now wear wigs without feeling like I'm hiding and changing who I am.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

But yeah, still with a cause that you're adult. I also think it highlights what we've spoken about previously, where sometimes, because it's been so long for both of us, we don't really notice anything different with ourselves with ourselves. And then when someone makes that kind of comment, it's like, oh, sugar, there is something actually Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Because it makes it then makes you think, it just makes you stick out like a sore thumbnail. Yeah. When you have those comments, because you're just you then are reminded that you're not like everyone else and you're not normal, and yeah. So but there are three things for me.

SPEAKER_03 27:51

One main thing is again, this was one of those things where some cultures and some countries actually use this term very onapod on apologetically, and it's the word handicapped.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

I'm sorry, why on God screen earth in 2026 is this is an accept acceptable word to be to be used to start.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

Like I've been on holiday and like to certain parts of the world, and people are like, oh yeah, the handicapped toilets are just around the corner. I'm like, the handy what now? The who? The who? Is that your friend? Who? Handy, who are you? What? Like I'm just like fair enough, like back in like the 1920s, back in the of the mags and men era maybe, but they've come up with 2026.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Come on, come on now. Seriously. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

And if you're one of those coin trees that still use this term, sort yourself out. Yeah. I just because it's it's not even funny at this point. No, it's that's bad. Wrong. And as you can imagine, there are many other words. Some are seen as insults, but disabled people are are described using those terms. I'm not gonna and I'm not gonna talk about those terms.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

I think we've actually said one of these terms back in I want to say March, when we were talking about perceptions and realities and the podcasts they said um about what what would you do if like your girlfriend was crippled. Yeah, it goes back to those kind of words. Those words. It's the it's the way you are describing someone's appearance that they can't physically change. It's that that's disgusting. It's it's it's a it's a big note now. But I think the one thing that again, backhanded compliment that I've had is like people have said, Oh, it's a good job you suit it, or oh it's a good job your head's a nice shape, you know? Great compliment, but yeah, like going, I think I've like again stories are gonna be like repeated, but back to when someone said I had a nice skull, like it all like I said it back then, but I'm gonna say it now. All I can imagine is you wanting my head on your mantelpiece, like, and you're covered by skeletons, like if it's a very strange thing to that's a strange thing to say anyway, but just to compliment the shape of my head. Like, I know it's on show. What do you want me to what like if you're wearing a fitted dress, what do you want me to say? You have nice boobs?

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Literally, like that's just let's shave your head and see if you're if you've got a nice skull.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

That would just objectify if I were to say that. So don't say don't say that. Like, I didn't like I this is the head I was born with. The head I've got. It's a head on my shoulders.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

This is no cosmetic, no procedures done to the side. No, this is just mine. You can't all glow.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Well, it's burnt right now because it was warm yesterday and I didn't realise and I've burnt it. But if you can see or not. Can you not see it?

SPEAKER_03 31:01

Don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

If you can see that I'm sunburnt, if you're watching this on uh video platform, please let me know. But otherwise, it it's slightly so. But that annoys me. People saying, um, it's a good job you suit it. Good job you suit it. Yeah, or at least you suit it.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

I'm like, well, I will.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

What do you think uh would have happened, Karen, if I didn't suit it? Yeah. Um Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

It's like just do you think, yeah, I just do Yeah. Yeah, just yeah, yeah, just no.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Honestly, I just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

It's like, yeah, I rock it because I own it and I have confidence, and that's why, but my confidence isn't always there, but I'm still gonna be bold. Yeah, like still gonna be me.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

It is something you cannot change. It's like if someone says, Oh, good jewelry suit, but green eyes, but blue eyes.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Yeah, it's like I'm not gonna wear contact with us in my life, have I? Like, yeah. Crazy. Yeah, crazy world. But I think to sum up, language doesn't have to be perfect, that you just need to be aware. So as much as we're like, don't say this, don't say that, as much as that sounds so aggressive and like to the point and a bit harsh, it's just new awareness. Like through every day you're gonna say things that you regret, and we do it every night. We go, we we stay sat up in bed, like, oh, 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Why did I say why did I say that?

SPEAKER_01 32:25

And it's just being more aware and learning, and I think that's just where the world is now. We've got so many people of differences and different abilities, and just ask questions.

SPEAKER_03 32:34

Yeah, ask and be educated. And I think if if there's any terms or anything like that that you've also come across that we've not talked about, let us know. And on that note, this is the end of this episode. And I'm just gonna say it if this episode made you even slightly uncomfortable, that probably means you've learned something today. Yeah, which is good. Yeah, it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

But yeah, we'll see you again next Wednesday. Woo! Bye! Bye.