"At Least It's Not..." | The Problem With Unhelpful Comments

Have you ever been told to "just think positively", "stop stressing", or "have you tried yoga?"

In this episode of Sit Down With Us, Faith and Zara discuss the comments, advice, and so-called "helpful" suggestions they've received while living with alopecia and disability.

From miracle cures and herbal remedies to toxic positivity and assumptions about wanting to be "fixed", we explore why these comments can be frustrating, hurtful, and sometimes completely miss the point.

We also discuss:

•  Why unsolicited advice isn't always helpful 
•  The reality of chronic fatigue 
•  Comments people make about appearance 
•  Assumptions about disability and difference 
•  Why not everyone wants a cure 
•  Better ways to support someone going through a difficult time 

If you've ever been on the receiving end of comments that left you speechless, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

0:00

Hi, I'm Zara and I'm Faith. And we would like you to sit down with us every Wednesday. We're in June. I know. We were deep into the year like three months ago. Now we're in like yeah. It's happening. So obviously, if you've been listening to us for the past month or so, you'll know that I've just ran the Half Marathon, AJ Bell Manchester Half Marathon. Woo! We did it. Busy this weekend. I say we, I was just following Faith. Yeah. You've been busy this weekend. Yeah, and to be fair, we're filming this in advance. So I hope that Faith at this point in her life has we succeeded. We did it. If you want to know more about it, head over to our socials at Faith underscore Hyles and At Zara Borgi. Follow us on socials and you'll learn more every day of what we get up to. And you'll also learn just more of us. Because why not? If you want more podcast type content at Sit Down with Us Pod. Yeah. Is where it's at. Because we're literally always there. And um the content's interesting. Just funny. You'll see the bloopers, it's just more of us. Check it out. Yeah. We won't regret it. So yeah, anyway, today's podcast, today's episode, we're gonna talk about comments. So comments that are not necessarily needed. No. And some unsolicitated advice that people think is helpful. But it's really not. But and yeah, it's just ones that we've not necessarily asked for. And it's just like there is if I want your advice, I'll ask for it. Yeah. Yeah. So let's get into it. So if you've lived with a chronic condition or a disability or a physical difference, you may come across a few of these comments. And I guess some of them can be quite triggering as well because people say them, I don't know why they say them. I think it's a lack of understanding, a lack of awareness, and a lack of maybe self-respect of knowing what is right and wrong in that situation. Everyone, every disability, every difference is different, and every person deals with their disabilities and differences in a different way. I'm I'm saying the same words all over again, but everyone deals with it in a different way, and you never know which stage someone's at. So to just think before you make any comments or give any advice, and just you never know basically. And it's it the same goes with any situation that anyone's in, not just people with disabilities, etc. So yeah, because it's like comments that I get now, I can deal with them and I can turn it into an educational moment. You would react to them differently. Yeah. Back then, within my journey, those comments would have shut me down. So I think it's um prevalent just to look into that today. 100%. So yeah. And I think some comments come from people being in denial of your disability or almost like just trying to minimize it. Sometimes maybe to make themselves feel better, or just to be like, oh, it's it's nothing. Like it's it's kind of like brush it under the carpet type of thing, which I don't t really understand the logic of that to be honest. If I did, maybe I'd understand it. Yeah. But I wonder whether it's trying to come across as like a like a compliment, but it's just not in the way that they've represented the comment. It's just not come across that way. Yeah. You know, yeah, potentially. One comment that I sometimes get is that I look really good for a disabled person, or I look good to be disabled, if that makes sense. It's almost like I shouldn't be looking how I look because I am disabled. And it's like, what? Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I get that answer, uh that compliment, if you like. Yeah, because it's like they're saying you look good, yeah, but then putting it with something that they they are seeming as negative. Yeah. So it's like, how do you want me to take that? It's like a bittersweet compliment, like, well, thank you, I guess, but that's rude. Some I remember one time, I think it was the the most recent time I had this comment, and I was like, but like what what is a disabled person supposed to look like? Like, what what do you mean? And they were just like, oh no, no, I was just trying to compliment you, and I was like, This is this is not a compliment, babe. That like God loves to try it, but just yeah, that's this is not it. Or like on the other side of the scale, more like what's the word, out there kind of comment, people telling me I'm being lazy. Yeah, I've had that quite a few times actually. Like when people try to downplay, I think this is where it comes when people try to downplay your disability. And again, I don't completely understand the logic of this, but like what do you mean I'm being lazy? Like because that's your way of life. Like that's your way to live. So how I think sometimes when that comes across is when like some someone sees me like going upstairs, like with aid, obviously. I can't just like fly up the stairs. I wish I could. Made like would make life a lot easier. But and then other times I like I'm just too physically tired, or like it's been a taxing day, because being disabled is actually quite um what's the word? Tiring at times. Like I know we joke when it's like you go around the ramps, we go around up the stairs, and it's not quite as always as straightforward as that. And there's a lot of hoops to jump over. So when people call you lazy for doing one thing that you perhaps did the day before or like a week ago, doesn't make you lazy. It's just at the time is it's just not possible. And I just want to say, chronic fatigue is real, and I know so many people who struggle with chronic fatigue that get called lazy and it's just so frustrating. Yeah, like I don't want to be in bed my the whole day. I don't wanna be like a couch potato most of my week, but it's just I'm gonna have to do that sometimes because chronic fatigue is real. Yeah. And I think it just brings exhaustion. But it's like it's it's not that you're you've exerted yourself, it's just the situation that you're in. And it's just yeah, I think more grace needs to be given to those people with those chronic conditions or with chronic pain. 100%. Because I don't think there's enough awareness about that. No. Regardless of like obviously we we we specifically talk about disability and differences, but in terms of chronic fatigue, there is not enough awareness and understanding about what that is either. And I think oftentimes you see a physical disability and you're like, yeah, I get that. Oh, like you see me with a wheelchair, and you're like, okay, she can't she can't walk up the stairs. Like, I get that, but you don't necessarily because you don't necessarily see things like chronic fatigue or they're not necessarily visible at times, then you're like, oh yeah, it doesn't exist, it's not there, it's just laziness, it's whatever. And it's not just whatever, it's it's pretty much it's very much there, and it is very much a medical condition which needs to be addressed. Yeah. I think another form of comments that comes up is like this quick fix culture, and it's like we'll get into the the herbal side of it all later, because that's completely different. But a lot of the time in the past, I've had people I'm guessing it's help and to try and fix a problem that in their eyes is a problem. But for me, it's like something to cope with while my hair was falling out. But I've had the have you tried yoga to chill you out, or have you tried CBD to chill you out? Or do you want me to get do you want me, do you want me to find a friend? Do you want me to get my friend to find something to chill you out if you're friend of a friend? Friend of a friend of a of a goldfish, yeah. So and it's like as much as you think that's helpful, it's not because you're just highlighting that I'm a problem, or like, oh I have an issue, and it's like if I want to try yoga, I'll try to try my yoga back, but for no reason than for my own well for my own well-being and mindfulness. And also, what makes you think I'm looking for a fix? Yeah. Do you know what maybe I am happy with the things that I'm saying? I've even had recently people tell me to look into biohacking. What same things is that? So apparently I actually don't know. We were like talking in a sauna and I was trying to understand her and I was like, honestly, I'm melting. It was a lot. I think brain cells melted out my brain. Not gonna lie. Like I felt more confused. Oh like I said, I understand she was trying to help. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's when it's not asked. Like if I've gone to a doctor's or a specialist and asked for help. Yes. Yeah, but if I'm just like chilling and you're like, hey, why don't you try something again? No, I just I think it's the same with me. It's like I get people, like, for example, I'm sure you've seen in the news, especially as like the world is developing and like medical field is developing, there's a lot of cures and experiments with spinal cord injuries, which mine is referred to as, even though it wasn't an actual injury, but funnily enough, my spinal issues called a spinal injury, I believe. I don't know if that's 100% factual, but yeah. So, so there's a lot of like research and like experiments done with that, and every time something comes on the headlines, I guarantee you someone that like knows me pops up to me and is like, oh, like have you seen this? And I'm like, please stop. What if I want to be wheeling about for the rest of my life? Do you know what I mean? I think it's the fact as well that like it's where people assume that you want to change it. Yeah. Like that you've not accepted it, that you're unhappy. And it's like, and don't get me wrong, I know many, many people with alopecia with hair loss that are not happy. No, you know, and they're not they're not confident to show it because they don't have to show it. You know, like losing your hair is almost losing your identity because you identify people with their hairstyles. Like it's the natural way or whatever. Yeah, so of course, like people will want to change and will want a fix, and there are remedies for that now, professional medical remedies, not like your doctor next door neighbours five times removed cousin. Right, not Dr. Doolittle's herbal remedy. No, that's not a thing. So there's no accounting. Yeah. So it's like I understand why people want a fix, but normally they go out of the way to ask someone professional for a fix or for advice. And again, going back to my story, sorry, were you gonna say something? No. Oh, going back to my story, maybe like 10-year-old me, 15-year-old me even, 16-year-old me, would have seen that it's okay. Getting physical, but yeah, um, seen that headline and like gone on a deep dive, searched it, thinking if I can do it, blah blah blah. But it means right now, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. If someone came up to me and was like, there's a guaranteed fix, fix, quotation marks, um, do it, I might consider it, but also there is obviously side effects, blah blah blah, so maybe not. But also, it's it's just when people come up to you thinking every disabled person out there, or if you've got a disability or a difference that you're constantly looking for a cure, can we like just like splash that out? No. Like we said at the beginning, everyone's on a different journey in their life. Yeah. Everyone's disability and physical difference is different. Like, no, not one person has the same story as the next. They might feel similar, but not one person has the same story as the next. No. And can I just say not to scare anyone off and not to kind of bash medical experience in any way, but I know someone um who actually we have a story time? Scratch that. Bit of a story time, actually. Me and my childhood best friend were we both had the same condition, not gonna get into it too much, but we both had the same condition, and we were set to do a surgery together. We were literally about to be like uh bedside buddies at the hospital, and we went and as randomly as possible, I ended up falling ill, and they were like, You're too ill to be put under. So mine was cancelled. Anyway, she went on, did the surgery, lo and behold, she left worse than she went in. Oh my god. So can I just say not always do we need to trust these experiments, just saying, but again, to caveat, I'm not bashing medical experts. Obviously, sometimes they get it right, sometimes they get it wrong. It it is just a gamble. And but yeah, so just be mindful before you suggest these kind of articles to people. Yeah. And also, if yoga or a supplement worked, do you think I'd have hair right now? Like I think I've tried, like really seriously, really, like do you think I would like Yeah? I don't know, like I'm happy bald, and there's a many reasons why I don't want my biological hair back. And I just find it like, do you know I am a dancer? Do you think I've tried yoga? She's a flexible queen. She is. I'll know how you went. But to be fair, the one thing that I feel did make my hair grow back was eating a certain way. And I get this, I have had this in the past, like eat healthier, but I'm like, everything in moderation, every food is healthy if you eat it in moderation. So I don't like the eat healthier, don't eat bad foods because there's no such thing as a bad food, there's no such thing, there's loads of good foods, but there's no such thing as like eating healthy, just eat in moderation. Yeah, like everything is good for you if you eat it in moderation. So yeah, and I just so for me it was when I learned I was celiac, I ate gluten-free and my hair did start to grow back, but it didn't fix the problem, it just helped for a bit because then my hair did still fall out worse than ever. Was not due to gluten, was not due to a blip, and I ate gluten randomly and it all fell out. No, it just genuinely is one of those things. But that's the only thing that I have found that kind of helped through my alopecia journey. So yeah. But otherwise, no yoga, CBD oil, none of that. Olive oil. Olive oil, yeah. Because a lot of um women they use olive oil on their hair to make it richer. Interesting. Another strand of comments there a strand of comments. No pun intended, um, that I've received a lot actually. These are the main ones, is like the I guess toxic positivity and like I'm like I guess it's like toxic positivity and mindset fixes, like telling me to stop stressing. I'm sorry, wasn't it? Fixed. Wow, thank you. All the stress in the world. Zouch out. Like, thank you. I need I needed to hear that. Um what on earth? And then another one is that you should think more positively rainbows and roses. It's like unicorns. You think more positively, like complaining about the rain? Like, what you want to think more positively? I just think it's a very like backhanded, like you just what what do you want from that comment? Like, what do you want me to say from that comment? Like, think more positively. Okay, I positively don't like you. What do you want me to say? Like, think more positively. And I'm sorry, didn't you lose your hair at 10 years old? Yeah. At 10 years old, what I mean, some 10-year-olds have stress, but like what real stress could you have? So surely you should connect the dots that your hair hasn't fallen out purely because of stress. Yeah, I'm not that negative that my hair's like bye. Like that didn't happen. And it's the fact that like it's an autoimmune condition. Sometimes it can produce a stress, sometimes it can produce to underlying factors such as celiac disease, such as eczema, such as Crohn's disease, such as so many other things. So there's no fix. There's no just think positively and your hair will grow back. Like just think more positively. And I was a happy kid. I was dancing, feeding my Nintendo dogs. I was a happy kid. Like, Nintendo Dogs, what a time. Right? Nostalgia right there. Yeah. So it's like, I've had it so much, just think more positively. And it's just, and like, it's important to know, yes, your hair did fall out at ten years old, but there's cases where the hairs have fallen out a lot sooner. Yeah. And again, should that not teach her it's not purely due to stress. Literally. There's a there's a girl online that I follow, and her hair fell out when she was literally one year old. Like one year old. Okay. And it's like riddle me that. Riddle me that. So sometimes it is just, I mean, alopecia can be due to genetics, it could be like hereditary genetics, it can be absolutely so many reasons for it that you can't pinpoint one. And so thinking positively will not fix it. And just think, people want to give their two cents, but keep your two cents, I beg. And the first time I was told to stop stressing was by the doctor that diagnosed me. Moment of silence. Clearly didn't work. Oh yeah. Because that would just make me stress more. And if a doctor's telling me to stop stressing, it's like when you say don't itch it, I'm gonna itch it. Don't itch it. Like, it's like don't press the red button. Well, I want to press it now. Because you've just pointed out a red button. Yeah. So a doctor telling me to stop stressing at 10 years old, mate, you made me more stressed. So yeah, stop stressing doesn't fix it. Crazy. And it is like toxic positivity, like it's not They're trying to think of an easy fix, but it just doesn't work. Yeah. But again, we get that a lot. Just stop stressing, babe. Yeah, just Yeah, let me just I don't know. You pay my mortgage, mate. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'll stop stressing. Pay off my mortgage, pay off my care. But I think the main thing about these comments, the think more positively, stop stressing, you know, look on the bright side. Am I in the best? Or the at least it's not cancer. Like, honestly, I've had that before. It suggests that it's like my mindset that's wrong, and it's my mindset that needs to change, rather than like it it it hinders the fact and hides the fact that and doesn't understand that I'm going through this every day, that this is my reality every day. This isn't just a mindset that can change. No, like, yeah, I think it's that that's more frustrating with those kinds of comments. Yeah, I agree. And I think some comments can come from control and just they just wanting to control a situation for you. And I know some people are like problem solvers or whatever, but I'd just like to preface my disability isn't, first of all, it isn't my problem, isn't a problem to begin with, and definitely not your problem to be dealing with or to be thinking of a fix for or to control. So I say that because I get it so many times at the gym, or like I think I was once literally in a swimming pool, just like on my merry way, and someone noticed me kind of coming out of my chair to the pool, and they were like, they literally, I think I spoke to them for a good three minutes before they started giving me exercises like literally middle of the pool, be like, have you tried this, have you tried that, have you tried this, have you tried? And I'm like, hang on a minute, love hang on a bloody minute. Like, I can just about move my legs, and you're telling me to do cartwheels. Not really, but you know, and it's just like it's crazy because again, it goes back to do you not think I'd thought about that. Do you not think I would have researched that? And sometimes the things they mention, yeah, I haven't I haven't thought about it or I haven't tried it. And it wasn't because I didn't think it would work, it was just because I'm I'm happy and I was happy where I at where I was, and I just didn't didn't feel the need to change it. So I'm like, why why would I? Yeah. And yes, I know people are like, yeah, but you go to the gym, you do this, you do that. Yes, I go to the gym, but I don't go to the gym because I want to run a marathon. Neither, that's why I'm doing a half marathon. I go to the gym because I want to stay somewhat fit in terms of my core, because obviously doing things as a wheelchair user is a lot taxing. So, for example, picking up something, dropping off something, and just like it's it's it's a it's very taxing to your core, especially. So having a strong core is essential as a wheelchair user, and just mainly for mental health. Yeah. So just just because you see me at the gym, because I also get these comments at the gym sometimes, it's like, have you tried this? Have you tried this? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna stop you there. Um and And I remember one time this guy was like, Oh, have you tried da da da du? And I was like, No, I'm not gonna. I just walked away. Well, wheeled away, but you know. And it's just like just shh. I d I don't honestly sometimes I really don't have the brain cells for it. I'm just like it's when it's not welcome. It's like advice that's not advice, it's just like just manage a bit more. It's like self-controlling the situation. Yeah, calm down. Mm-hmm. I think for me it's when they want to could not control my appearance, but give me tips for my appearance, like just wear a wig. Oh. Or at least it's just your hair. It's like one, it's not just hair. There's so much more that goes into it than just hair. Physically and visibly, yes. All you do see is my hair falling out. However, emotionally, mentally, physically, it's so draining to see the person who you look in the mirror and the person who you see hair falling out. Like it's true, it's traumatizing. Like it's not, it's not just hair. I think in the weirdest way possible, and correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like telling someone to wear a wig if they have alopecia or going through alopecia is like stab wound and telling someone to put a take put a bandage on it. Yeah put a thingy on it. Yeah, put a plaster on it. Plaster on it. As much as wigs are an option, yes, but that's not the fix. Like, oh your hair's falling out, oh just wear a wig. Like the the better now, anyway. Just wear a wig. No. No. And it and then easy even on the flip side when people say I look better bald, I guess thank you, but like I have no other option. Like, unless I wanted to wear a wig, which I don't because it's too hot right now. Like, what else would you want me to say? Like, I guess thanks, but yeah, I it's it's it's an awkward one because it's like I guess thank you that you like the shape of my head. But it's as if someone said to me, But you look better, sat down. Yeah. I mean, it's just like um so those again, it's just appearance control and commenting on someone's appearance, especially while it's getting sunny outside and summer's coming, just don't do it. Don't do it unless they ask for your opinion. And again, it might come from a good place, but the place is not good for that person. And I know we the medical professional said don't stress whatever, but unless you are a medical professional, don't feel the need to comment. Yeah. That was also 15 years ago with a medical professional. So hopefully they've lived. Probably have learned. Yeah. And I think finally, for me, one thing that it's just really funny is the miracle treatments. Um, so normally this happens from like a comment on TikTok saying, like, how have you tried this hermal herbal remedy? And the remedy is just a green tea. It doesn't, it it's not. No. Oh dear. Um, and honestly, we get so many of them, and normally it's a scam and it's to pick on people that are vulnerable, and it's a joke, really. It's quite disappointing. However, there is one person online that I follow. I do see a lot, and she I've I've met I've met her before, and she's lovely. She had a lapis geriata, and then she now sells like or she's promoting um hair supplements and hair remedies. I think it's like hair and nail growth. Okay. Because you can get the pills like hair and nail growth, vitamin, vitamin pills for that. Um, never tried it. I think I tried it when I was younger, did nothing, just tasted like cardboard. Um, just honestly just felt like I was swallowing cardboard, like it was did nothing for me. Um, and she's basically said that this has aided her hair growth because the hair has grown back now. Okay. But just to preface, her alopecia type was Ariata, okay, which is prone to growing back. Um, circles in patches that fall out but can grow back. And in her case, they grow back very, very thick, very healthy head of hair. And I'm actually like really happy for her because she was really struggling with her hair loss when I saw her. Um, but she's she's slipped it of like this hair pill. Almost put it down to the hair pills, which is wrong. And I think a lot of people do this, say their hair has grown up. The rosemary oil thing, the um what was the other one? Begins with a C. Castor. It's a castor oil. Castor oil. So you've got rosemary oil, castor oil. Again, it works for some, not all, can help your hair thicker. For some, not all. Again, I think it's a preference thing and how you use it, and I guess everyone's hair is different. It's not the size of it as all it's not a fix. It's normally just like an assistance to make you feel better. I d I don't know. Personally, I just think that it's false advertising a lot of the time. And people say, Oh, just like take take a pill. It's no. Mm-mm. It's like medical treatments that I've been offered, I've personally turned down because they were too invasive for the time that I got offered it or how old I was. Just out of curiosity, what what were they? So one was an injection. Okay. So it's literally a steroid injection. Where so they'd inject mascal many a different. So a child, by the way. Yeah, I was offered this one. I think I was only offered this when I turned 16. Okay. But before I was 16, they offered a different one. Okay. But this steroid injection, basically, they'll inject my head with multiple different with the steroid to help hair growth. It's not 100% like not no hundred percent success rate. It's different for everyone. Some people they do it, it falls out again, it's not a long-term fix. Uh, the one I was offered before I was 16, so I was still a child. I think you're still a child as 16 as well, but differs with everyone. Was almost this like steroid paste, like a solvent solution. Now it wasn't clear, it would have been like a paste, and it wouldn't, it would have meant me, I think, staying in like a hospital setting for like a good six weeks for it to work. Okay. It would they said it would be very irritable, very hot, very red, very itchy. Yeah. And it was basically to make this solvent way to advertise it. Make this solvent react so badly to my head that I would have like almost an allergic reaction to it. And so my hair would poke through and like push it out the pores. I think that was like the surely that's not the way of getting game had that. That was the I was only offered it once and it was in trials. I think it was very new. I again I don't I I've not researched more into any medical treatments and cures and things like that. There's no cure by the way, there's just some treatments and that may help. Um, but always look at the side effects and the symptoms. 100% otherwise. The only thing that I have heard that is, I guess, more successful is the JAC inhibitors, also known as JAK. And um they tend to work, but it's a long-term process, you're on it all the time. I think it's it is available in the UK, but not through the NHS that I know of. But yeah, that's the closest to a, I guess, a remedy, but not a cure. So yeah. Um that was very educational. I feel like that section was very educational. That was educational, I don't know. I even left something, which is nice. But if one more Dr. Delittle recommends me a herbal tea, I'm about to I'll turn into a tree. Like exit now. Yeah. And if you're sat there by this point of the video or audio, whichever way you listen slash watch, and you're thinking, well, if he if we can't give our advice, if we can't give our opinion, um, what can we say instead? And I'll tell you that for free. And I'll tell you what you can say. And again, like we've said, every disability is different, every pe every person's every person uh deals with their disability slash difference in a different way. So what we suggest might not work for everyone. So take it with a pinch of salt and just ask. Just ask them. So you can just say, I'm here for you. What what would you how would you like this to go? How would you like me to help you alongside what you're going through? Or you could say you could just acknowledge that what they're going through is hard. Yeah. Because don't don't just like dumb it down. Don't just try to see, oh yeah, it's whatever. Oh, but like you, you look you look great, bald, like, or like, oh my god, like at least there's wheelchairs, like that that is not great, that is not a great comment. So just just acknowledge what it is, acknowledge it for what it is, and just be there for them. Yeah, I think it's almost like creating So I did the You go. And you're up. I think it's to create a space where the person feels comfortable to talk to you about their their feelings, if they're feeling a certain way about their dis difference and disability, because it's quite a vulnerable thing to open up and talk about. I only ever did to family and friends, and I always have. Now I'm much more open, and I'll just tell my coffee shop gal, like I will just tell the person making me a coffee. Right down the road. Yeah, like I yeah, maybe I need to stop doing that. But like I just tell I tell anyone, yeah, you know, but um I think it's creating a space where people can feel comfortable. And I had an actual instance with this when I was, and we're gonna do more high school content closer to school opening back up again in the August, September time, but just a little one now. Me and my best friend back at the back in the time in high school, we had a code word of let's go for a wander, which meant that let's just go for a walk, which was normally at about break times, lunch times, or any break throughout the day. And it would mean that my wig was sliding back without her saying like your wig sliding back, or if she felt that I was uncomfortable and like my shoulders were up and I felt uncomfortable, I could say the same, let's go for a wander. And that was our code word to like let's go find some safety, let's find some space, let's sort ourselves out. So that was how we did it. So I think it's just creating an environment for that person to feel comfortable, and that's enough support, other than instead of like the worst thing she could have done is just fix your wig. Yeah, like your wig's falling up by the way, pull it forwards, like no. Literally, so I think it's again just being mindful that that person is like you don't know how they're feeling, you're not in their brain. Maybe let them lead the way sometimes and that it that's easier said than done because sometimes we don't even know what the best way is. No, and I mean sometimes like the for example the woman in the sauna, like we did start off by me talking about my hair and about this uh this recent blood test I had, but I then was not asking for her opinion. No, I was asking for her opinion on something else within it, but not on that particular thing. So yeah, it was a it's just uh kind of read the room, yeah. Um which I know is tricky for some people, but yeah, I think it's just always feel like you have to fix it. Yeah. Like my disability is not there for you to fix respectfully. I think also if that person's opened up to you and allowed a well, not allowed a conversation, but started a conversation of this, be grateful that they're actually opening up to you about it and they're including you within their journey because it's not an easy journey, it never is. So yeah, just be have give them grace and space. Oh, grace and space. You're in it with the rhymes today. Give me a book. Where's Shakespeare? God, maybe not Shakespeare. Thou shall rhyme. Love thy neighbour. Oh, that's the Bible. And to close it up here, we know that everyone means well with these comments, but these are just certain ways to rephrase them or just to look at them a certain way before you say them. And if you've been on the receiving end of these comments, I hope you can realise now you're not alone. So thank you for listening and watching today. I hope you've enjoyed. And we'll see you again next Wednesday for a very feisty episode. Oh, I'm excited. I know. Bye bye.