Families Can Drift Easily, Is Yours?! Angela & Aaron Kruse | Emily & Justin Free

Families Can Drift Easily — Is Yours? | Stronger Families Podcast

In this episode of the Stronger Families Podcast, hosts Emily and Justin Free are joined again by Angela and Aaron Kruse for a powerful conversation about family drift — and what to do about it.

Strong families don't happen by accident. Without intentional rhythms and a pursuit of Jesus at the center, even the best families can slowly drift off course. Aaron and Angela share honestly about the seasons when they've lost their footing, what it cost them, and how they found their way back.

This episode covers:

How to identify when your family is drifting
Why a dad's pursuit of Jesus is the foundation everything else is built on
The hidden cost when husbands don't step into their God-given role
Why consistency — not perfection — is what moves your family forward
A practical weekly challenge to check in on where your family stands
Whether you're in a thriving season or feeling the weight of drift, this conversation will encourage and equip you to lead well.

Weekly Challenge: Ask your spouse (and older kids) — "In what areas do we feel like we're currently drifting?" Then, for the dads: identify where you are in your daily rhythms with Jesus, and take one step forward this week.

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Transcript

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If you're in a place where you look up and you don't know, hey, are there is there one or two things that I'm doing weekly that are pointing our family in the direction that we want to go? That's not happening. If there's been a week or two go by and that's not happening, I would say that should be a good check-in G M life. Welcome to the Stronger Families Podcast, where we believe that strong families produce strong cultures. I'm Emily Free, one of your hosts, and today you're gonna hear from real people with real stories and God-centered wisdom to help strengthen your family. Whatever season you're in, we believe that this is gonna encourage you. So let's build stronger families together. All right, welcome back to the Stronger Families Podcast. Uh Emily and I here, and we have again the cruises, round two. Welcome so excited. We came back. Um we're gonna continue the conversation of building stronger families. And this week, what I would love to just tee up for us is uh, and if you didn't catch last week, we talked about the why of this podcast, kind of the heart of why are we doing this, why is this significant, why is this important right now? But um, on the topic of building stronger families, and I know we've each walked through this. Families are not built uh haphazardly, they don't just happen. Strong families, stronger families don't just uh two, three, five, ten years down the road exist. Um it takes intentionality. That's right. And one thing that we are seeing consistently is this drift away. Um talking to marriages and couples in their marriage, kids as they grow older, there's this drift away from maybe the values or how it started or the strength that once was. And I would love for us to talk about why is that happening? Why is the drift what's going on? Yeah. Because we would none of us would say we want it. Right. But if we don't know how to identify it or cut it off, it's just gonna continue. That's so good. And I think I'd start by just saying I think we've all been there. I think we've all, you know, with our families had seasons where we look up and a month has gone by or a year has gone by, and you're like, how do we get here? Like what? Like, I think we've all had those seasons where life just kind of punches you in the mouth and there's so much going on, or you have twins, you know, and it's just like everything's fine. We're here. Not only do I not know what day it is, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing with said day that I don't know what day it is. And so like I think we've all been there, we've had those tough seasons. But I think to go back to your question, I think number one, to identify where you are. If you're in a place where you look up and you don't know, hey, are there is there one or two things that I'm doing weekly that are pointing our family in the direction that we want to go? That's not happening. If there's been a week or two go by and that's not happening, I would say that should be a good check engine light to say, hey, if there's not one or two things happening weekly that you're intentionally fighting for as a family, that should be your okay, we need to check in. Um if that's been months or a quarter or a year, that's that's a great indicator. Okay, our family has a check engine light. We need to pay attention. Um and honestly, I I would challenge the dads because for me, this is something that over the last several years, more and more Holy Spirit's just let me know, hey, this is your job. To be the one who's lovingly relentless about helping create the moments and the the rhythms and the paths that your family walks and leading with grace and leading with strength to say, hey, this is what our home's gonna be. And so for us, it's I can know, man, if I get off and I'm not paying attention and I let life take over, man, it's so quick for us to get off course as a family. Um, and Angela's incredible at supporting and at helping champion those things and help out coming behind. But ultimately, I just know if we're going to drift, it's because I'm not being led by the spirit and I'm not staying in step with the rhythms that we've committed to as a family that keep us on track. Because the truth is you can have one week where you get off. But when you start having multiple weeks back to back, it's amazing how far you can get off track of the type of family that you want to be. Yeah. Well, and whenever Aaron and I have this discussion and we talk with families, it always starts with that all of the disciplines come back to are we relentless in our pursuit of Jesus? Yeah, that's right. Because that's where all of this is going to stem from. And so we're talking about drifting. When I notice I'm drifting is when I'm not being relentless about my pursuit of Jesus. And so I think about, you know, we look at the world and we see, yes, there's this cultural drift, and so it's easy to follow. And that's nothing new. I mean, the Lord talks about it in Romans when it instructs us do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And so for Aaron and I, and yes, I agree, the man's role, I mean, it is irreplaceable. It has to come first from him. Right, wait. I take full responsibility. All of our issues it didn't go well. It's on me. I was like, yeah, tell me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh no, oh no. How the turntables are. Oh, the turntables. Um but it has to start with his pursuit of Jesus. And I will say over the years, Aaron has just been incredible at that. And um, even without saying anything that, you know, um just the fruit of him spending time in the word and and me knowing that that is going on is pushing me then. Um, because we could talk about all these principles and all these different disciplines, but if we're not, if if this isn't right between Jesus and us, it nothing is going to flow out of you know, like we talked about, it all comes back to the b biblical principles. And so, first of all, our pursuit with Jesus, and then it all flows out of that. And and you know, I'll say, man, we have incredible stories like a Pastor Rick who grew up in a home where, you know, Miss B was single-handedly responsible for and so I think though, what Pastor Rick would say is that the Lord brought in, you know, just the right times when he needed strong men. And Miss B also was relentless about having them in a biblical community and plugging them into the local church. And so, you know, what we're going to be talking about, yes, it's the design originally of what God has for the family. We do have to say there are these circumstances. Yeah. And also, man, the local church can come in in such a beautiful way and help support families like that. And so if any of our listeners happen to find themselves in that situation, I would just so encourage plugging into a biblical community and having people surround and and come in to, you know, play some of those roles that the Lord would have for them. That's so good. Yeah, it's so true. What would what would you say to and um most a lot of dads that I've talked to don't feel confident enough in their relationship with God to at work they're the boss. You know what I mean? Like they they have no problem. And and I even sense this sum in our home where it's the the wife, the mom has a good grasp and a good feel. Yeah, she's got a good gauge on what's going on in the home. Yeah. But maybe it's a lack of presence, maybe it's a lack of confidence. I mean, can you speak to that sum of like what do we as a dad as a dad? How do we help start this step? How do we how do we cut the drift off? No, that's a great question. You walk in and you say, I'm the boss, and you listen to me, and here's what we're gonna do. Right? No, that's what you said. Oh, it's something let us know how it goes. Yeah, let us know. I'll try that tomorrow. Good luck. I'm gonna come in with some stories. May the odds be ever in your favor. I'll just tell you how that would go. It would not go well. It would not go well. Yeah, my house either. Uh here's what I'd say. I think what Angela said is exactly how I would answer it. It's confidence will come from just consistently sitting with Jesus. And so some of my favorite moments of the day are before the sun is up, yeah, at the kitchen table, with the Bible open, with a pen in hand, and saying, Okay, Lord, what would you have for me today? And I might read one chapter of scripture, I might read five, I might read ten verses. It's it depends on the day. But those moments are are really what fill me because on my own I don't have what it takes. Yeah, yeah. I I can't raise five kids, 11 and under. I don't have a I don't have a chance to do that well without the Holy Spirit. Parenting requires more of God than I could ever possibly fathom. Yeah, um I thought we might have maybe two kids. I thought that was maybe my capacity. Oh, how you turned eight. Oh, and and so I I would just say for those dads, man, being faithful to get up before everybody else to open up the word and say, Lord, what do you have for me? You gotta do it here. You gotta do it. Like I can't do it without it. I might miss a day, but if I miss two or three, I'm gonna notice because I don't have what it takes. Yeah, my patience drops off, my grace drops off, the vision I have, and all of a sudden I'm barely surviving. Uh Angela said yes. Yeah, I'm barely surviving work, I'm barely surviving parenting. Like it, it's it is a spiritual necessity to have those moments with Jesus. Thank you for saying that. Because I can I can relate to as a dad, uh we just walk through the newborn phase. Yeah. So you're getting up multiple times a night. And you're not getting up before the sun comes. Well, you are, but like the middle of the night. You're trying to go back to sleep before the sun comes up. Right, right. Like that's the you're hurrying. Yes. And that I would say I haven't found great rhythms since starting to have kids. There have been seasons of healthy rhythm. Yeah. Yeah. But there haven't been consistent, uninterrupted rhythms. Yeah. Because of the season of life. Yeah. And I think some of that's a nuance, some of that's a dance, some of that is. But as a dad, I mean she can attest to this. Like there there were seasons in my life where I wasn't taking the leader, the mantle of leadership because that that relationship with the Lord wasn't the first priority. And then it I mean, obviously, it it led to complications and stress and fractures in different parts of the home. So uh thank you for just saying you gotta do it. Yeah, because really that's it. Yeah, yeah. We'll do the work, we'll work harder, we'll work overtime, we'll make the lake weekends happen, we'll take vacation. This is a non-negotiable. It's a non-negotiable. This has to happen. And the cool thing, though, the encouragement I would say with that is when you're faithful to do it, number one, God's faithful to show up. But number two, there is a there's the coolest, and I it's almost like I can't put words to it, but there is the coolest switch that is in your wife, that is in your kids. Like God gave the the husband and the father a level of leverage in the hearts of of the wife and in the kids that it amplifies your faithfulness to do it. And so there's just a level of influence that God naturally puts in them for you, that it almost it it multiplies. Yeah. So it's like, man, if you have, if you have 10 minutes, do 10 minutes. If you got eight minutes, do eight minutes. But like it's almost like God will use that eight minutes and then just amplify the impact on your kids and on your wife if you'll just do it, because God gave us this role as the covering for our home. Yeah. Yeah, I think the consistency piece is the most important thing of any of the things we're gonna touch on. Yeah. Consistency. And I think for some of us, all or nothing. Anyone? Anyone all or nothing? Right. And so it's like if it's not gonna be perfect, if it's not gonna be this production, this glamorous, then I'm not doing it. And I think that the Lord would just invite us into just this, I mean, relentless consistency in all of the areas, and this one is where it's going to make the most impact. Yeah, that's true. And it won't always look the same, like you said, every season is different. The newborn season, we all know, like the newborn season looks different, it doesn't look like the other season. That's that's okay. Yeah, yeah, but it's still like the pillars that hold up your life, the pillars that hold up your family, they can't go away. Yeah, it just may have to modify for a season. It might not be as long, it may not be at the same time. But we don't let days and days go by without the things that fill us and that that move us forward as a family. Yeah, I'm excited to talk about in the next episode the the values that we can establish as well. Oh, yeah, it's huge and how that establishes direction. Um but would you would you wives just speak to the cost if the husbands don't step up? Like what have you felt, what have you seen? Yeah, when we just quickly like yeah, what what did what did it do in and at the home? Yeah, but that now when we're healthy, when we do take charge, when we when we when we're operating as though in the biblical principles that the word established, what has that done for you? I mean, I we were talking about this a little bit before the podcast, but I would say that for the first part of our marriage and in the early days of building our family, I don't know why, I don't know why I would do this. I'm not like this at all, but I I took the charge. Unlike me. Unlike me. Um, and because there was a a lack of trust in Justin, partially on my end, but also partially on his end because of the rhythms that I didn't see him putting in place. And then B a desire for control, because that to me equaled safety for me and for our family. And uh there's a funny story that I will not go into, but there was a a moment, an argument that we had, and I essentially said, I will handle, I'll handle our stuff. I don't need you, Justin. I will handle it on my own. And that was the mentality that I had when it came to everything, and it was overwhelming, it was stressful, and there was such a lack of peace in me and in our home because I was anxious all the time because I was thinking that I had to do everything on my own. Yeah, and so with what it did whenever he did take that leadership, take that ownership, start prioritizing the things, um, prioritizing his time with the Lord and taking leadership. I say taking leadership sounds like I'm taking the leadership, but I'm the rightful place. I was taking the rightful place. It it caused me to be able to take a breath, have peace, have trust. And really, I've been able to be more of myself and who God created me to be because he's being who God created him to be. And I mean that sounds so simple, like duh, but there's so many things that we drifted, like we talk about, like we were just doing, I was doing what the world said to do. Yeah, I was handling the things that were given to me. Um and that's just not the design that God had for us. So that's what I would say. And it's like we it we hit the wall, there was a there was a friction and attention. Yeah. And I could either ignore it and move on to something that I could actually take care of and manage and do and ace and win at, which I th I feel like is a tendency for a lot of men. 100%. Or I could really I could stop and say, okay, I've got a role to play. Yeah, this isn't working. And I've I've got to change something at home. Yes. And it's hard. Like it took a lot of work, took a lot of us figuring it out, us yelling. Oh I'm not yelling. No strong personalities clash. Emily wants to win. Like that's it. She wants to be the victor at the end of the day. Yeah. And really the hardest part was me deciding you've got you've got a role to play and you need to get with it. And so I'm thankful because God gave me a perfect helper. I want to say one more thing. I think the temptation for you was to think, to be overwhelmed and think, oh my goodness, I've got to lead Emily. Whoa, that's a lot. I've got to lead our kids. That's a lot. I and so you're thinking, I've got to lead these people who I'm responsible for when ultimately, and I think I said this to you in one of those moments. I was like, I just need you to lead yourself. If you lead yourself, you know, the rest will be covered. Like you said, the switch, the overflow. Like, can you just lead yourself? And so I say that to just take the pressure off of anybody who might be feeling that. Like how you know, what's the plan for leading this person? Just lead yourself. Start start with leading yourself, and then out of that overflow will come the fruit of leading your family. That's right. We have one job. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And we overcomplicate it so much. For sure. It's so good. What do you what do you feel like the weekly challenge could be? Should be. Well, I have it right here. It's not a felt, it's a it's it's noted. I don't know if you were feeling it. It was organic or if you were do you know me? You need to lead yourself. Yourself. Um okay. Well, I mean, I do feel like you guys could do a weekly challenge for the guys. And I don't know if we leave it there. Um, because the challenge that I have is to do a check-in with your spouse. This isn't a check-in with the spouse, but um or the older kids. If you have older kids in the family, they can have a pulse on this too. But just answering the question in what area or areas of our home do we feel like we're currently drifting and just identifying those areas? Um so I do think that that is a great weekly challenge. But if you guys would say anything to the men specifically, I think this would be a good spot. Yeah, I mean, I think a great challenge for the men would be to really identify where are you at in your rhythms with Jesus. Yeah. You know, just your daily moments with him. Is that something that's installed? Is that something that has been a part of your life at different seasons? Um, but just take a step. My challenge would be to just take a step. Uh, and so even if that's you get to three days a week and you're not at no days a week, but you're getting up in the morning, spending time with the Lord, like that would be a massive step forward. Thank you for joining us on the Stronger Families podcast. If today's episode encouraged you, share it with another family who could use it. And remember that when God strengthens you, he strengthens your family. So let's keep building stronger families together.