Why Multigenerational Family Matters | Angela & Aaron Kruse | Justin & Emily Free

What does it actually look like to build a multigenerational family on purpose? In this episode, Justin and Emily sit down with Aaron and Angela Kruse to unpack why multigenerational family isn't just a nice idea — it's deeply rooted in Scripture. From inviting grandparents into your kids' discipleship, to navigating boundaries and expectations, to what to do when blood family isn't available, this conversation is full of practical wisdom and real-life stories that will challenge and inspire you.

In this episode:

Why God has always been a multigenerational God
How to invite grandparents into your family rhythms (even if they weren't raised this way)
Setting expectations without creating distance
What to do when grandparents don't share your faith
How multigenerational involvement changes as kids grow older
The fruit of fighting for these relationships over time
What to do if your family of origin can't fill this role
Whether you're just starting to think about this or you're years into the journey, this episode will give you a fresh vision for what family can look like across generations.

Weekly Challenge: Identify one specific way to invite an older family member — or a trusted non-family member — into your child's life this week. It could be sharing a meal, attending a game, or simply spending time together.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We are so excited that we have an opportunity to invite our parents into a level of involvement with our kids that number one, they've never dreamt of, and two, truthfully we had never dreamt of until we were introduced to this reality that, oh man, we will be so much better if we've got both sides actively involved in the discipleship of our children.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Welcome to the Stronger Families Podcast. My name is Justin Free, and I'm one of your hosts. We'll hear from real people with real stories and God-centered wisdom to help strengthen families. Whatever season you find yourself in, whether joy, struggle, we hope that this is encouraging and equipping for you. So let's build stronger families together. Welcome back to the Stronger Families Podcast. This is my wife Emily. Hello.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Um Emily.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

And today we have the Cruzzies back again. Hello. Thank you for coming back.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

And we are excited to dive into um in the last couple episodes, we have been establishing kind of the foundation for the podcast. Uh talking about um just why the need for stronger families. And then we got into it a little bit. But today what I really want to hit on is something that I've really seen you guys live out and y'all have done extremely well. And really I want to pick your brain on what it looks like as someone who desires and strives to have a multi-generational family, what that could look like, how did it start? Um and really important. Yeah. Why is it important that and some of the why, but also how to um if we want to jump into that type of and then what's the biblical significance? Like is is this something that God calls us to? Uh and so I know that's important as well. So uh yeah, w why multi-generational family? Why is that significant?

SPEAKER_00 1:44

I mean, we this is a big big principle for us, and it's a piece that I think I think first thing I would say is we didn't necessarily grow up in a world where this was talked about. So I think my encouragement to whoever's listening is hey, even if this wasn't your experience growing up, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's not an invitation to experience what God has in store in this area of multi-generational family. Um the reality is when we look at God's word all the way back at the beginning. You look at Adam and Eve, you go to Abraham, you go all the way through the Old Testament, you see that our God is a multi-generational God. Even when people talked about him, he's the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Literally, his name, what he's referred to as, connects him to multiple generations. Like he passes things on multi-generationally. He develops a plan to rescue humanity multi-generationally. He literally, so each aspect of his design, and you can fast forward in the New Testament, but the first five, six, seven times you see people coming to Christ through the book of Acts, it's families. So you look at Cornelius, when he gets saved, it's not just Cornelius by himself. No, like Cornelius gathers his home, he gathers his family, he the people that work for him, and they're like, hey, you all need to hear the hope of the gospel, and they all get saved. Wow. You talk about Lydia, her whole family gets saved. You talk about the jailer. It's not just the jailer that gets saved that night where there's the earthquake, the whole family gets saved. It's it's this picture of scripturally, man, the whole family is on mission together, which is very foreign to us.

unknown 3:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Growing up in a Western culture where it's very individualized, it's very like, hey, one plus one plus one nuclear family, but that nuclear family only exists until you can send those kids off and now you're separate and they're separate. Like it's just not God's design. Yeah. And so over the last eight to ten years, as Angela and I have been exploring these principles, it's like, oh man, all of life could look different if we began to look at God's ways and go, what does this look like played out? Um and so for us, what that's looked like practically is just beginning to look at our our both of our parents, so the grandparents of our children, and beginning to put vision in front of them, not only of what's possible, um, but what we aspire to do alongside of them. And so there's really been an invitation, but it's taken years, even for them, because they their experience has very much been a cultural experience as well. And so it's almost like at first they weren't sure, like, oh, is this real? Like, is this is this really what we should be doing? Right. And so we literally have to sit down and say, no, listen, we have five kids. Right now they're all the way from 11 to 2, and we'd have to sit with each side of the grandparents and say, we not only can we not do this without you, literally, we have to have what God's put in you to help our kids become all they're called to be. Like you know God's word, you're hard working, you're faithful, like we need you around our kids. And so we've just fought hard to get them around, and then we've said, hey, if you come and you spend more time with us, we'll make room for you. We will make effort.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Yeah, for sure. And I think even this goes all the way into the way that we're talking to our kids about our parents, their grandparents. So, you know, there's gonna be family stuff in a family.

SPEAKER_07 4:58

No.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

No. What do you mean? What could you mean? There's no problems. There's gonna be things. Like we're gonna have tension, we're gonna have different things that we come up against. Our kids are not going to hear about those things. Even in the way that we are communicating about grandparents, it is honoring. It is in our Shabbat, you're gonna hear we have taken the very best from the grandparents and praying those into our kids. Like these are the things that you need from them. And so um it just it really does infiltrate every aspect, including communication, on how we're talking about grandparents with the kids.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

And we also understand not everyone has uh grandparents or parents who love the Lord. Yes, yeah. So there is a reality to if that previous generation is not walking with God. It doesn't mean that there's no proximity. But I will say, looking back at scripture, there's a reason that God told Abraham to leave his home, to leave his parents because they were worshiping idols. So there was a there was a command to separate from them because God knew, hey, if you remain planted in your home and in your family, there's no way you're gonna live differently.

SPEAKER_07 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

There's no way you're gonna start a new multi-generational family on mission in step with God's ways. Yeah. So there is sometimes a separation and a breaking off the house. Someone has to be generation one.

SPEAKER_05 6:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

That says, as for me and my house moving forward, we're gonna do things God's way.

SPEAKER_05 6:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Not to say that for someone whose parents maybe don't walk with Jesus, doesn't mean that it's like, hey, we're cutting you off, but you may have to create some level of boundaries if you're creating a new way of operating. That's it. Um so for us, though, being second generation Christians, both of us, both of our our parents came to Christ in their mid to late 20s. We are so excited that we have an opportunity to invite our parents into a level of involvement with our kids that number one, they've never dreamt of, and two, truthfully we had never dreamt of until we were introduced to this reality that, oh man, we will be so much better if we've got both sides actively involved in the discipleship of our children.

SPEAKER_07 7:05

Yes. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I I know a lot of younger couples that are maybe they're depending on what you said, the parents may be living for the Lord, values, vision aren't the same. Maybe young families who are establishing kids and uh on the topic of discipline or um what shows you watch, and just you name the topic. How do you invite them in to your safe space and yet give them authority? Like it because I I think that's something that I would wrestle with in hey, we have we have this kind of not a bubble that sounds negative, but these boundaries, like you said. We want you to operate you, we want you to be you and mom or dad or whoever. But here's here's what we expect, and here's what this here's what we would hope. How do you invite them into that? That's a great question.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

I want you to talk about when they're younger, and then I just think it's important there is a transition as they get older where we're talking more with the kids than we are with the but can you talk about what we have to do?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah, when the kids are younger, because that's gonna be asking on the young family side. There's there's two sides of it. Number one, there's establishing expectations with clear, candid conversation. So early on with your parents, as you're inviting them in and saying, Hey, we need you, we want you around, we value you, there's also a setting expectations, excuse me, of what it needs to look like.

SPEAKER_04 8:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

So not that you're going to be able to tell them here is every single rule, you have to follow these to a T because that's probably not gonna work truthfully. So there's there's this there's two sides of number one, you establish boundaries and expectations, but two, you also understand they may not do it exactly like you want it done. And that's part of it. That's there there is a bending on both sides because they're gonna bend some to honor your way of being, but you're also gonna need to bend some knowing if you're gone and they're hanging with your kid, it may not look exactly like you would have done it, and that's actually okay.

SPEAKER_05 9:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Um as long as you guys are aligned on the big things.

SPEAKER_05 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Now, if your parents are unbelievers and they don't have the same moral compass, that's probably a different conversation. Right. Okay because the way they're gonna push boundaries is different than if your parents have the same value system that you do, even though they might do it differently.

SPEAKER_07 9:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

You mentioned the big things. What are what are those big things for you? Like what are those not non-negotiables, but like we're gonna be firm on these, but give a little bit in these other areas.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

That's a great question. I think for us, some of the big ones are what they're being exposed to. Yeah. So what they have access to, phones, screens, media. Um that's a big deal. So we have we we set expectations on what's okay and what's not okay in that area. Um, expectations on how they communicate with the children in terms of what their role is in discipline. We want them to have the freedom to correct, to admonish, to rebuke, to talk through things with our kids. Yeah. But for the most part, they are not the enforcers of discipline. We don't necessarily want to put that on them. Right. And we don't really want our kids to have to figure out that role. Right. And so, but our kids are very aware, man, if they're not in step with what our expectations are, we will know when we when we come back. And there will be because it doesn't mean discipline isn't happening. It's it's discipline that we followed through through us as the primary discipline, act act activators for our family. Yeah. Um, but like Angela said, as the kids get older, the interesting thing is you know that we now that we have nine-year-old, eleven-year-old, we have a seven-year-old, we can begin to establish more of the expectations of listen, Grammy and Papa or Nene and Papa, they're responsible to hold a line, but you guys know what's right and wrong now.

SPEAKER_06 10:39

That's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

We have trained you, we've equipped you, and so it's yeah, this is a line you guys are now responsible to hold in terms of.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

So there's a shift from whenever the kids get older, because right now it's like when we leave, they're like, All right, I'm gonna ask for all of these things. We're gonna test a little bit about it.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Let's see what I can give. For sure. Oh, yeah. Yes. Well, and then it becomes, it does become a little easier as they get older because you know, if you come in and like our kids in the morning, they're gonna if if any of the grandparents are visiting, they're gonna go find screens as early as they can in the morning and be like, we're gonna fumble around on here. So it's actually not addressing the grandparents anymore, but it's saying to child, hey, remember we've talked about this. And you know, so it actually gets a little easier because you know, you're not having to constantly be like, hey, mom, dad, or whoever. Yeah, we talked about this. Yeah, no, no. You know, it's like you get to talk more with children, yeah, which is easier. Yeah, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Do you think have you ever talked to your mom and dad like that?

SPEAKER_03 11:46

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

No, no, no. I was going to ask you. My mom's spicy, I don't know. I don't know if there was a time where or if you could give an example without exposing, you know, sure. Where you guys have had to have a honest conversation, whether it's readjusting expectations or um something along those lines.

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Absolutely. Yeah, and we've had different shifts too in um both sets living across the country, which is a totally different scenario because then when when you're with them, it's like, okay, we're only with them short for a short amount of time. And so you just write about, right? You don't have to have the conversations because you're like this isn't a long term. And so my parents moved recently, and then um Erin's folks bought some land, and so they'll come for a couple months at a time. And so even just readjusting there and like, you know, inviting them into um the schedule that we have as opposed to because we can't anymore be like, well, we're just gonna, this will all be different, and we'll just get time with you. Because it's life now, it's life on life. It's different there. It's very different. Yeah, so definitely.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Those are conversations then that have to have to be had. Okay, here's how we're gonna communicate about schedule. Yeah, here's how we're gonna communicate about um what's possible this week. Whereas, yeah, if you if you drive across the country and you're with someone for a week, it's like everything's out the window. Yeah, right. It's like we're just we're together. Yes. So that we can't do that for six months at a time. Yes. Right. You know, now we have to really communicate and set expectations, and you know, it doesn't mean we're gonna be together every single day in every single moment. Well, but we're gonna fight for intentional overlap in key moments, and we're gonna make room for you to have the space with our kids that we value and they value. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Yeah. So what can we talk about the fruit of this kind of relationship? Can you guys just for people who maybe they have not even thought they've never even thought about this before, or maybe they're on the cusp of starting to incorporate this, give them things that they can hope for and look for and inspire them towards this.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

When when when I when we get time with the grandparents consistently, or we're we're about to go, and say we're gonna travel with one side of the grandparents, or we're about to um kind of create a memory. One of the things, like, for example, that our oldest looks forward to the most, like we'll walk into, say we'll walk into a condo and Airbnb or whatever, Mallie will be like, oh, that's probably where we're gonna sit and read the Bible with Poppy tomorrow morning. Like his first thing he's thinking about is hey, this is where I'm gonna sit with my grandfather and open up God's word. It's like it's one of the first things he's thinking about because it's just that's been a rhythm. Yeah. When he's around the grandparents, we're gonna read the word together. We're gonna talk about God's word together. Um so like that's just one little example of like that's just that it wasn't like, hey, we should probably talk about spiritual things. Like that just came out of him because it's it's part of the organic overflow of being with grandparents who love God's God's word and love training our kiddos.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Yes. Yeah, and I think too, um, even this is obviously we look at believers and we can say, well, our kids need to hear truth from no man every angle, right? So we're like church, school, wherever we can get it, please. We need all of it. This is another outlet, but even unbelievers looking at things that they are skilled at and calling it out and saying to them in particular, I would love for you to talk with this, talk about this with ex-child, you know. Um, we've definitely done that, even as far as, you know, my mom does inner healing stuff, my dad evangelism stuff. Mally is just hanging out with him at the gym and he's seeing it every day. So it's not even like, let's sit down and talk about this. Mally seeing it every day.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Tell me, tell, tell, tell me, tell me. You've already tell told me, but tell the people the story of Mally spending time with your dad in the gym, and then he wasn't with your dad because your dad wasn't there and he was working out on his own. And just the level, tell that.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Yeah. So then he's overdoing chest press and things that he feels comfortable doing. He's doing the cable machine because he's done it with my dad. And so I'm like, is he okay? And it's now a very regular thing. And so that is a value of ours, is you know, working out taking care of our body. And and it was an incredible thing when we were getting to take him, but then to get to go with the grandparents now. And and I think about Aaron's parents, and I mean, they're incredible hard workers. Leslie's so creative, and she does gardening and all of that. And so getting now to do that with the kids and and saying to them in particular, hey, can you go out and do a craft with them because you're so brilliant at that. And so it's also speaking value to the older generation. And sometimes I think that's what gets lost. Our culture doesn't do a very good job. It's like as you age, you lose your value. Right. And that is not biblical. It's not what we're looking to achieve. And so we're consistently calling out, you're so incredible at and when the kids, I'm constantly giving feedback of our kids just love so much being around you. And of course we do, but I mean the grandkids, the moment you leave, they want to see you again. And they I just feel like it gives another level to the purpose, you know, of what they're called to and what's possible. And so that's what I would say is that.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah, because so many, so many people, you know, 60 plus, you know, move into a season of retirement. They lose some of their occupational purpose. Family has moved on, like kids have moved out. A lot of times they don't even live in the same area.

SPEAKER_07 17:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

And so often that's a very lonely and discouraging season. Because like no one's listening. They have all this life experience, they have all this wisdom, and really no one who cares enough to ask. Wow. And so what we're doing is saying, man, the family is the ultimate vehicle for them to have more purpose in their 60s, 70s, 80s than they've ever had.

SPEAKER_07 17:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

More influence, more opportunity to make ripple effects through the generations than ever.

SPEAKER_07 17:55

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

And it's a biblical way of operating.

SPEAKER_07 17:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

What would you lightning round 30 seconds? What do you think what what would you say to someone who I can imagine someone listening to this and feeling like this is not possible because family dynamics, uh lack of grandparents, um, maybe no model. Maybe Yeah, I have two thoughts. Whatever the circumstances may be, they just feel like this type of maybe the hope and the joy that we're describing.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Two things. Number one, if if it's not possible within your blood family, find someone who you're not related to who can be in that role. So for years, like Angela said, Yeah, my family was in Colorado all year long, and her family was in Omaha, Nebraska all year long. We were 10 hours and 15 hours away. But our neighbors, Reed and Connie, were basically surreal good grandparents. Yes. Our kids would go over and watch baseball with Mr. Reed, and they would work on projects in his garage, and they would go fishing, and literally like Reed and Connie who love our church and love the Lord. Who don't have grandkids, don't have grandkids. Literally, basically adopted our kids. And they would just, and they were right across the street. We would be like, Where are our children? They're all over at Reed and Connie's, playing cards or talking about gardening. Or like literally. And so we were like, man, we we need older and wiser people in our lives pouring into our kids. So find someone like a Reed and Connie who I'm telling you, it blessed our family so much and it blessed Reed and pour into our kids. Yeah. So it was a gift on both sides. The other thing I would say is at some point, everyone has to decide if they're gonna be the first generation. So if if you're grandparents, if you're parents, if that's not their story, at some point you gotta say it starts with me.

SPEAKER_05 19:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

And so as you raise your kids, you make a decision, and I'm gonna raise up the next generation, and then I'm gonna actively be involved in how they raise their kids, and I'm gonna be present and I'm gonna be engaged, and I'm gonna be the type of grandparent that needs to reset how our family operates.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

That's really great.

unknown 19:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

And I love I love the heart of this. And I even as a family who's the first generation of this, yeah, uh we're excited about it. We don't know what it's gonna look like. And I think that's the fun slash unknown part of it. But that's fun. What's the weekly challenge, babe?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

I'm so glad you asked. Oh, thank you so much. Um I'm just taking a quick gander at it. Sure, sure, sure. Sure. Yeah, just a refresh. Um okay. Oh, this is great. Okay, identify this is so good. You wrote this.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Why didn't you say that? This is so great. Wow, wow, we did this.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Okay, identify one specific way that you can invite an older family member into your job's lives this week. So or a non-family member, as you said. Um, and so it could be sharing a meal, attending a game or an activity that you had. Um, and so just one intentional way to include an older family or non-family so doable. Thank you, Grizzie.

SPEAKER_06 20:52

Yeah, thank you for your time.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Thank you for joining us on the Stronger Families Podcast. If today's conversations encouraged you, helped you, equipped you, we would love it if you shared it with another family. We look forward to seeing you again soon. And remember, let's build stronger families together.