Father's Day Special | The Dad They Need | Aaron Kruse & Justin Free

Welcome to the Stronger Families Podcast!

This Father's Day, we're taking time to celebrate and encourage the dads who show up every day — often imperfectly, but faithfully.

In this episode, Justin and Aaron dive into what healthy fatherhood looks like in today's culture. They discuss the difference between strength that controls and strength that covers, why a father's presence matters more than perfection, and what kids actually need most from their dads.

Aaron shares powerful insights on healthy masculinity, the importance of engagement over achievement, and why the hours after work may be some of the most significant moments in a father's day. Together, they explore how dads can lead spiritually without having all the answers and why honoring our fathers can be one of the most meaningful ways to celebrate Father's Day.

Whether you're a dad, have a dad, or are helping raise the next generation, this conversation is a reminder that your presence matters more than you realize.

Weekly Challenge: Set aside 15–20 uninterrupted minutes with your kids this week. Then, do one meaningful thing to encourage or honor your dad (or a father figure) in your life.

No parent gets it right every time. But the dads our kids need aren't perfect dads — they're present ones.

Let's build stronger families together.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

How can you make sure you're honoring your dad well? Yeah. Be thoughtful, be intentional, make it meaningful for him because he probably has some of the same insecurities we do of did I do a good job? He probably remembers the places that he blew it and the things that he wished he would have done. And so sometimes him hearing, no, you did a great job. You did the best you could with what you had. I'm so thankful for you. Like that could go a long ways for you then.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Stronger Families Podcast. My name is Justin Free, and I'm one of your hosts. We'll hear from real people with real stories and God-centered wisdom to help strengthen families. Whatever season you find yourself in, whether joy, struggle, we hope that this is encouraging and equipping for you. So let's build stronger families together. Welcome back to the Stronger Families Podcast. My name is Justin, and neither of our wives are here. Hey, we have another one. What a surprise. Brand new. But this is Aaron. You've heard of him many times before. But we have an exciting podcast today. But before we get into it, this week is Father's Day week. Come on. Father's Day. As we should. We're going to honor the dads today. Yeah, we're recording. Okay. So I have a dad joke for you. I'm ready. Are you ready? Hit me. And all you dads out there listening, or if you're listening and you're not a dad, ask your dad their favorite joke. That's what you need to do this week. That's the weekly challenge. That's your weekly challenge. Ask your dad the best. You ready? I'm ready. Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Oh man. I'm the worst golfer. I have no idea. If I knew, I would be a better golfer.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

In case they get a hole in one.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Okay, okay. That's good. That's really good. That's not a risk for me. That's not a risk for me. Golfing. Not at all.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Fresh pair of socks or just not golfing much. Not golfing much. Before we jump in, what's the most dad thing that you've done this weekend?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

So I was thinking about this. I was talking, I just I set myself up for failure. So sometimes as a dad, you just put yourself in harm's way, and it's like, it's just, it's gonna it's inevitable, it's gonna happen. So I was driving with my two-year-old, and I said, Oliver, I said, who who do you want to hang out with tomorrow? Do you want to hang out with me or do you want to hang out with Obi? He didn't bat an eye. Even though he and Obi can like headbutt and they drive each other crazy, no question, Obi. Wasn't he all day long. He was like, it wasn't even it wasn't even a hint of me. He didn't think about it. It wasn't like, maybe I should hang out with daddy's like, Obi, I want to hang out. I was like, that's why'd I do this? Like, why did I even ask him who we'd rather hang? Of course he's gonna choose his five-year-old brother.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

It's like I didn't expect him to say us.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

But in my heart, I was setting myself up like he's gonna say me. Like he wants to hang out with his dad. And this is gonna be a moment. And instead he was like, Obi. Like there's no question about it.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

The opposite of a moment.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

So that was my dad moment. I'm like, well, I'm glad you love your brother. You guys are best friends.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Uh Father's Day. Father's Day. This coming Sunday. And man, we Mother's Day had just has just passed. And one thing that I do know about moms is they work really hard. Yeah, they do. Nobody's gonna argue who gets the MVP award in the home. Moms kill it, they ace it, they do way more than we even probably think or imagine. But dads, I think, oftentimes get this like get the short end of the stick, or they're like, just you do a lot, but you're expected to just do more. And uh I I I want to take some time today and just kind of highlight, encourage, definitely challenge and equip, but yeah um just kind of highlight dads this weekend. So let's start with what does it look like to be to what what does healthy masculinity look like right now in this culture in our time? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 3:49

It's such a hot button topic. You know what I mean? Like as as you look across media, as you watch shows or even see movies, there's just such a, I think, a confusion about this topic. But what is healthy masculine? What does it look like to be a strong, healthy father? What does it look like to be a strong, healthy husband? Um, and man, if as we look at scripture, I think the biggest thing I think of is healthy masculinity is covering. It's providing headship for people you're responsible for so they can thrive, so they can operate at their highest and best. You're creating an environment with the strength that you have where other people get to be the highest and best version of themselves. So instead of using your strength to direct or to oppress or to move them according to your will, it's like, no, my strength is designed to create an environment where you get to do your best work. So if it's the people that I work that work for me, my strength is designed to create an environment where they get to thrive. If it's in my home, my strength is spent so that my kids get to become the best version of who they're called to be. So that makes sense. That covering creates an environment for them or for my wife. Like my strength is designed to be spent for her to where she can be fully alive. In fact, it makes me think, man, when I sat down with my father-in-law uh before we were married, before my wife and I were married, and I sat down and I remember exactly, I could probably take you right back to that spot. We were sitting in the booth and we had grabbed breakfast. Take me there. Yeah. So when I asked for her hand in marriage, uh, fortunately he said yes. Um, but he also said this. He said, Aaron, I'll never have to ask you how you're doing it, taking care of my wife's heart or my daughter's heart. He said, I'll always be able to tell. Because a woman who's cared for, a woman who's covered well, she will bloom, she will thrive, she will blossom. And a woman who's pushed down or oppressed or suppressed by the like if my strength is being used to push her down, he said she'll just die on the vine. He said, I'll always be able to tell. And it wasn't a threat, but he was just letting me know. Like he will be able to tell based on the condition of Angela's heart. The fruit's visible. That's right. On whether that my strength is being used in a way that causes her to thrive.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Whoa. Do you feel like there's been seasons where you've done that well and not done that well?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

I'm sure. I'm sure there have been seasons of both. And the amazing thing is I have enough of a relationship with him where he can give me that feedback both ways. Like he can encourage me when I'm doing well, but he can also come in and challenge me. He feels like things are off. Like we have the level. Yeah, we it's not not everybody has a relationship with their father-in-law, but he can he can also have that conversation with us, say, I'm concerned in what I'm seeing. Because it's not only in seasons, yeah. In seasons where I've blown or I'm missing it, he can come in and have that conversation and say, I'm concerned about where you guys are right now.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

So it's and what I love about that is it's not just you trusting him or or him trusting you. You also have to trust him for the hard feedback just as much as you do for the good feedback.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Yeah. Um But yeah, that healthy masculinity, it's a it's a strength that you're offering on behalf of others.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Yes. I mean the covering this idea of you know, I can look back at seasons where even in our nine years of marriage, or even in my parenting now, uh speaking of dads, uh where I've maybe aced it, but maybe not aced it, but I I think overall without intentional direction or thought, uh masculinity can sometimes be this the opposite of that. Is this like the force, the well I'm I'm gonna I s I set the way, this is the way it's gonna be when we do try to lead, or maybe we're just absent and don't try to lead at all. And how significant it's it reminds me of the relationship with Christ, how he came and laid his life down for uh the the church, and how that should be our role, not only as husbands, but also as we raise and disciple our kids. How am I? And that's one thing that our last um uh uh another couple that we interviewed, they just talked about how his role is to to enter into his daughters' lives, to to show up for, to m move towards them. And I love that that's an intentional move, not not a reactional move or not a it's not just gonna happen. So I love that. That's great. Um what are kids actually need most from their death?

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Man, the the thing I thought of with this question is a great question. I I would summarize it as their eyes. Your eyes are the window of your soul, and your we live in an attention economy. Everything's vying for your attention. Screens, work, hobbies, all the things are vying for your attention. And I think the thing, especially when your kids are younger, I mean, I'd say really anything 12, 13, and under, they crave your attention. I mean, how many times has your has your little, has one of your little ones say, Dad, look at me? Dad, look at this, dad, look at you constantly. My two-year-old, dad, look, dad, look. Eyes. Because eyes represent attention, attention represents affection. They want to know that my heart is turned toward them, but the way they know my heart is turned toward them is if my eyes are turned toward them. But if my eyes are on a screen or my eyes are busy here, if I'm distracted, it communicates they're questioning, man, am I do I matter? Yeah. And so children get their self-worth or their self-image from what they believe their daddy thinks about them. What they what they believe that I think about them. Well, what what I do communicates even more than what I say. What I say matters, but what I do demonstrates of whether they have value.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Trevor Burrus, Jr.: So what I hear you saying is it's not just glancing up to appease their ass.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Trevor Burrus, Jr.: But it's a direct, I'm present, I ha you have my attention, here I am with you. Especially we've talked about before the power of being on the ground with your kids, being on the floor with them and giving them your attention, your eyes. It's it's just incredibly powerful to engage their hearts.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Wow. And it does way more than we think it does.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Way more. It's subtle, but it's really powerful. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

That's really good. Uh what's one thing you wish every father understood before it's too late?

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Man, just that there isn't, there isn't a more important role. You know, we carry a lot of hats, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. You know, especially as you get into your 30s and into your 40s and 50s. You know, in your 20s, you have all this time, you have all this energy, and you have all these dreams. But man, as you get into your 30s, 40, 50s, it's like all the responsibility of work and parents and family and all these things start to hit. Um, but man, I think if we could remember the most important role that we have in a lot of our days is that role of being a dad. As we obviously, as we walk with Jesus, we care for our wife's hearts. But man, those kids, you're the only dad they've got. And so, man, that role is so important in who they're becoming. Um, and the data on children who don't have an engaged father is really staggering. Like the impact of what happens when children don't have an engaged father. Um, children that grow up in homes that don't have a father in the mix, they're four times more likely to be raised in poverty and nine times more likely to drop out of high school. So, like, and I could go on, there's tons of stats around this, but like the role of a dad in stabilizing the life of a young person, it I just cannot emphasize your role enough. I think sometimes as dads, we feel like we blow it and we do. We're not gonna do it perfectly all the time. I know I don't. But even when we blow it, staying engaged and being in the mix is and not giving up is just such a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

And you're speaking not just to not having a dad. That's right. But more importantly, an absent dad. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

So this isn't just fatherless, like I'm this isn't just dads who just weren't there. This is disengaged fathers, fathers who aren't in the mix, spending time with their kids, actively involved in the journey.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

So I know I know you're very intentional in that time with your kids. Uh and you can I I'd love for you to speak a little bit to that. Like I what you're telling me is that time that you do get is vital, uh, however big that window is. How do you stay so focused and intentional in that time because if if the dad's listening or anything like me, at 4 30, 5 o'clock, 5 30 when I get home, the tank can easily be on E.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

100%.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And what are some ways where we can fill it up a quarter of a tank to pour out another two hours, three hours, however much?

SPEAKER_00 12:10

That's a great question. Um, I mean, that is half the battle because you're right. There's so often when you've been going, when you start early and you go hard all day and you're coming home 4:35, 5 30, whatever time you're getting home, and you're you're gassed. You're like, man, I gave what I had, uh, and now I'm coming home. And it really is like your second job. Like you're showing up like for the next round. I just I think number one, if I could encourage the dads to be like, hey, that window is just as important or more important than the last eight hours that you had occupationally.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Certainly the occupational calling is so important. Like we have to faithfully steward that.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

But the reality is, I I think there's a couple, I have two thoughts. Number one, I felt like a couple of years ago, I felt like the Lord asked me this question. Man, in 20 years, what part of your life has the potential to bring you the greatest joy or the greatest sorrow? And I immediately knew the answer in my spirit, and that was my children. The condition of their hearts, whether they're walking with Jesus, whether they're healthy, strong, and confident, or whether they're off on the wayside.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

That's the most important thing that will impact my like my experience in 20 years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Because they'll be adult humans at that point.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Will my job matter? Yeah. Will what I've accomplished occupationally matter? Yes. Will the kingdom matter? Yes. But I'll tell you, if I ace what happened from my eight to five, and I don't ace what happened from my five to eight, I will I don't know how satisfying the accomplishments of my eight to five will matter if I if I don't do the the five to eight well with my kids.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

It's so good. So that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

So some of this is perspective. It's making a decision, and then there's the daily, so that's the that's the vision behind it, but then it's the daily practices of man, when when you're driving home and you're about to pull in the driveway, I would just encourage you to take a minute, pray, breathe, and ask the Lord, hey, give me the grace and the strength to show up and to be present over the next two to three hours to really connect with my kids. Get off the phone. That's right. Stop the phone call for work. Yep. Don't walk in on the but walk in ready. Like you're preparing yourself like you would for a big game. Yep. You're not just showing up distracted, disengaged, like, yeah, yeah. But it's like, no, you prepare to walk in. I don't always ace that. Um, and then as best you can from the moment you walk in the door, that first moment, really be intentional.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Greet your kids by name, look in their eyes, greet your wife, hug them. Like if you show up and you immediately jump into something else, it communicates something. And those first two to three minutes will help shape the rest of your evening together. So if you show up engaged and excited and look at their eyes and ask them about their day and let them know how excited you are to see them and that you miss them, it will shape how they feel about the rest of the evening and their perception of what you were doing the whole day. So that first encounter, that first moment matters.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Okay, walk me through this really quick. Uh so I'm not saying every time's like this, but there have been moments in my home, and I know you've experienced this, and every dad has. You walk in, maybe you're feeling good. Well, your wife's got a baby on the hip, uh-huh, dinner on the stove, kids are screaming, kids are crying, there's colors everywhere. Oh, yeah. She's like, I need you to go. Uh, hey babe, how are you? I need you to go in there and get how do we in that moment still because we get we can set the tone too in that moment. We can. And that rather than just being like frantically trying to figure out what to do next, walk us through that. How do you stay intentional in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

That's great. That's a great question. Um, that may be a whole other conversation at some point. But big picture is this 100% when we walk in the room, even if it's pandemonium, which if you got a bunch of young kids, I'm sure that moment we've all had it where it's like kids are banging on pans and walls are being colored on and things are like falling off the wall. Yes, that moment I have absolutely experienced it. Um, but yes, when you walk in, you engage your wife's heart first. So you walk over, you quickly make eye contact, give her a hug, give her a kiss, tell her you're excited to see her, even if it's crazy. She needs to know she's important.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

And then you look and you say, What do you need? And immediately you move quickly. And you speak quietly, you speak slowly, and you bring everyone down. So your role when everything's heightened is to take a breath and to keep you have to emotionally regulate yourself.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

That's not me.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

You have to emotionally regulate yourself and you have to bring everything down 40%.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

So you speak more slowly, you speak more quietly, and you move people into places that bring peace and you bring them with you. You regulate them and you bring them with you. And you get kids settled and you move things towards peace and you bring them to a place of control. So for me, it's probably going to be a moment where I come in and say, okay, you two, go to the bathroom and wash your hands, and then move your way to the kitchen table. I need to make sure you have a water, make sure you have this, this, and this. Okay, you two, get those shoes up. You like I'm giving clear directions. I'm bringing order. I'm not yelling. I'm coming down slow. I'm but but I'm beginning to direct traffic and I'm beginning to move people towards purpose and bringing peace into the room.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Yeah. That's so many times. Get your sister, get out of there, you better get out of there. Put the colors up.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Why did you put your brother's stuff in the toilet? I've been there too.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

But I'm just saying, this is what I have found works. How real. And that's that's real life. Like real life. I don't know anybody listening, even if you're not a dad that has not walked through something that crazy. Oh, yeah. Um Let's ask two more. Uh how can fathers lead spiritually without needing to be perfect?

SPEAKER_00 17:45

That's a great question. Pick one thing and just do it consistently. That could be as simple as, man, we've talked about this with rhythms, but like every night at dinner, just share a God moment. That's super simple. It it adds nothing. You're already eating dinner, hopefully at some point. But you're leading. But you're leading, just saying, hey. So at some point you sit down, hopefully you pray over a meal, and then at some point go to the dinner and say, hey, did anybody have a God moment today? Anything you read, anything you noticed that God was up to, anything you felt like God was speaking to you, anything that did you have a moment at school today that you felt you know, but just ask a question. Um it could be praying on the way to school together. It could be as simple as on the way to school, it's hey, who wants to pray for our time today? And then just do it consistently, one little thing at a time, install it, fight for it, and do it consistently. It's not hard. Yeah. We just have to fight for it.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

What how how do I ask this? How would you direct us dads this Father's Day? What should our perspective be? How should we approach this Father's Day? Because what I see typically is I'm gonna I'm gonna unplug and I'm gonna do whatever I want to do.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Is that right?

SPEAKER_00 18:53

It's not necessarily wrong. I I think if your dad is still alive, I think my encouragement is to lean towards honor. Honor's a big deal. And I've talked with a lot of people lately who have lost their dads in the in the in recent years. And I think a lot of them, if they had a shot at it again, would find a way to honor their dads more than they did. That's so good. Whether in word or pursuit or time. No, not big. This doesn't have to be extravagant. A phone call, a letter, a note, an invitation to spend some time. I mean, I was talking with someone yesterday who, or maybe it was earlier today, but someone who their dad wasn't super engaged in their kids' lives growing up, and so their their grand, basically the grandkids have kind of rejected his dad. But all of a sudden now one of his kids has a baby, so it's a great grandkid, and that dad is pursuing. And that dad is starting to show up and be around. And so he is doing a great job now saying, Dad, that matters. Hey, thank you for pursuing your daughter, your your granddaughter and her baby. Like you just never know how meaningful that is. And so I would just say, Man, if your dad's still around, yes, Father's Day is for you if you have kids, but I would just say, How can you make sure you're honoring your dad's well? Yeah. Yeah. Be thoughtful, be intentional, and make it meaningful for him. Because he probably has some of the same insecurities we do of did I do a good job? He probably remembers the places that he blew it and the things that he wished you would have done. And so sometimes him hearing, no, you did a great job. You did the best you could with what you had. I'm so thankful for you. Like that could go a long ways for your dad.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

You're more similar than you are, isn't it? That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

All right. Man, hey, happy Father's Day, dads. Happy Father's Day. Thankful for you. Proud of you. Excited for this uh Father's Day for you. But our weekly challenge for the dads, set aside 15 to 20 uninterrupted minutes with your kids.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Unless you have a whole bunch, and then that might need to be less per kid.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Yeah, three to four minutes if you're here. Maybe two. Time. Uh that's good. And then for the kids, spouse, uh, if you've got a dad in your life, maybe you're a dad, but your dad is still living, um, do one meaningful thing to encourage or honor your dad this week. Um, like you said, honor them well. Um, and then let's see what God wants to do in them. That's cool. That's good. Hey, happy Father's Day, and uh we'll see you next time. Thank you for joining us on the Stronger Families Podcast. If today's conversations encouraged you, helped you, equipped you, we would love it if you shared it with another family. We look forward to seeing you again soon. And remember, let's build stronger families together.