The Comeback Episode: Our Most Problematic Episode Yet

After disappearing for 2 months, we’re finally back… and somehow we came back with even less sense.

This episode is a complete train wreck—in the best way possible. We’re confessing to 7AM car hookups, telling the story of catching a gay hookup in the work bathroom, and diving headfirst into the transgender debate that has everybody arguing online. If you’re looking for politically correct opinions, you clicked on the wrong podcast.

Nothing is off limits. Nobody is safe. We question everything, overshare way too much, and say the quiet part out loud. Some of y’all are going to laugh, some of y’all are going to be mad, and a few of y’all are probably already halfway through writing a think piece in the comments.

Love us, hate us, cancel us—we’re just happy to be back.

🎙️ Subscribe, drop your hottest take in the comments, and remember: if this episode offended you… you probably weren’t supposed to click it anyway.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, before we start the episode, I really want to take the chance right now to apologize to everyone that I offended over the last 12 episodes of the problematic podcast. My intentions were not to harm or to make fun of anyone. I really, really want to set the record straight and say I am sorry that all of you guys feel that way. If you don't want me to say bad things, don't do bad things. You know, what I say on the pod is 100% the truth. Yeah, some story might be embellished, but it's all the stuff that you guys do. Hey guys. Welcome back to the problematic podcast. I missed you so much. Let's go. Sam and five, four, three, two, one.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Welcome back to Welcome back to the problematic podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Yeah, we already said it once, and it wasn't fucking recording. Bro, we were talking mad shit too.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

And it was perfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

This was fucking perfect, but good thing though, because I was like, I said something that I shouldn't have said, and people are gonna find out about it. So good thing I ain't recorded. About your diabetes. No, besides everybody knows about my diabetes. First of all, it's type 45. And I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Is this recording?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

This is recording, yes. Thank you so much. Sam, it's been two months. Wow. Sam, it's been bet no, well, hold on. It's been two months and since the last podcast I put out, me bashing you. How do you feel about that? I don't give a fuck. I know, and a lot, and a lot of people did.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

A lot of people were like I'm so mad at you right now because we recorder for like 20 minutes. Bitch, it was like five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Shut the fuck up. It was not. It wasn't 20 minutes, bitch. It was not 20 minutes. It it was five, and now you're losing time with bringing that shit back. It was like 10. But anyways, Sam. No, everyone was coming up to me. They're like, damn, I'm so sorry about your call holes. I hope, I hope, I hope everything is good. And you know, like the podcast is not cancelled, y'all. We might be canceled, but not the podcast. But what's crazy though, like, I don't understand. Like, you're you're not even big like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Like you just jumped over everything and started talking about we're listening.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

You have churn, okay? You have three churn, so you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Okay, everyone. So I'm very ugh about my waist. Everyone says, like, you don't look bad, like you're over exaggerated. You're not that fat. I've always been skinny. You're not that fat.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

I hate when a bitch says that. I swear to fucking god. Oh, like, don't say that about you. You're not that fat. I'm like also my fat. Oh, oh. I'm not that fat, but I'm fat. Yeah, but still, I hate when a bitch tells you you're not that fat. I'm like, bitch, you're trying to fight. Because I fight people.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

The car's coming from the tenthouse.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

The car definitely comes from the kitchen. That's pretty much where it's coming from. That's where it is. Fuck that. When a stranger eats.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

But yes, viewers. Art, when I met him, he was chubby.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Oh, so according to me now.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

He went to a through a drastic change and he was skinny as hell.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

First of all, I was always fat as fuck. Always. And then I maybe 10 years ago, 2016, when I had my first boyfriend and we broke up. He broke up with me over the phone. He ghosted me, and I'm like, you know what? I'll show him. So I didn't eat for two months and I was like skinny as fuck. I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

And he was being a whore.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Being or was? I wasn't no, I was. I was being a whore. I was trying, you know, you know it was crazy. It's like it is true when people say when you go through a heartbreak or something, you go out there and you just try to find something and then you know to fill those holes. To fill the holes, and the hole was being filled. No, not like that. You know, I was never like hooking up with people. I was making out with a lot of people. I was a makeup, like a make out whore, but I wasn't like a fucking whore. If you know what I mean. You know.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

No, but yeah, I was fat, I was skinny, and now I'm medium. I want to say medium.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

I'm just medium rare, maybe a medium extra large.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

An extra large? No, but like I was telling you, like, you know, like the jorts that I bought, the you know, jorts gate. Like I, you know, last summer it didn't like only like it had like the five things, and then like only like two fit, like, you know, went up. And then finally, like last like week, I tried them on, and you know, all five things, like, you know, I can tie them now. And I was just like, oh, it's can you do the clapping sound? Oh, wait, hold on. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yes, and it's like the actually what I would like for the viewers to do is if they know any quick weight loss things, suggestions that they have, tell us.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Bitch, probably all these fucking listeners are fat as fuck anyway. So, what the fuck are you gonna like? What are they gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

You don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Oh okay, I don't know. Oh, but can we just say, you know, speaking of the viewers, remember the stats I was sending you? Yes, bitch, we're worldwide. We're we are in every like we everywhere. I'm like, damn, I had no idea like people in Indonesia is like listening to this. I was like, damn, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

And you know what? I want to say thank you to all of them for taking a time out their day to listen to events about our lives.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Yeah, because we're like 10. I mean, not a 10, we're 12 episodes in, and people are listening to even like in a two-month, I mean the two months hiatus that we took, people were still downloading the episodes, and I was like, damn, okay, cool bet. Cool bean, yeah, and I was attacked actually. Some bitch on fucking YouTube, you know, when I was like commented on the vulnerable episode about you and this motherfucker. I want to get his name. I forgot his name. I think it's an Eric. I know it's a fucking Eric. Eric, fuck you. He goes and says, Oh, maybe he's not your co-host. It was just hard to hear. I'm like, bitch, what? Wait, what? Yeah, that's what he said. He commented on the YouTube post, like in the video, commented on the video, he said that it's not your co-host, it's just hard to hear. And I'm like, Eric, I went to your channel and you have several videos 10 years ago with two views. Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Eric, sit your ass, Jack.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Sit your ass sit down, first of all. Like, okay, cool. Our episodes go over a hundred, and I'm thinking it's like over a million. But still, though, your episodes were like two or fucking four views, bitch, in 10 fucking years. Sit the fuck down. That's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

I don't care what's up with the world with people just trying to bring other people down.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

I know. And that was my first hate comment. And I told one of my friends at work, I'm like, they're attacked me. And he was like, you know what? Let them hate. You know, they're gonna be hating more when you blow up. I'm like, period, bitch. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

And you know what? Like in the words of Cardi B said when she accepted her award, and thank you to my haters because they're the ones that download it so they can talk shit about it.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Yes, you're right, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

Okay, let them get mad. You know what? Comment all the bad shit.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Comment. Listen to all our podcasts, send us that threats. Send us that threats. Make us feel sad.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Nobody wants to view it because every time you click on a video, that's a view for us.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Pretty much, yeah. So thank you for the haters. The haters, especially Eric. Fuck you, Eric. I don't know who the fuck you are. I don't even know how you found me. You know, okay, let's talk about the real quick, real quick though. About the soccer games, the FIFA, whatever, World Cup, right? I don't watch that. Yeah, me neither. So I was rage baiting all you motherfuckers on Snapchat a couple days ago. You guys can see, you know, roll the clip. But I was on Instagram and I was, you know, on a little story thingy. I was just like, oh yeah, England, blah blah blah. And then some fucking F-word, okay, he fucking actually like, you know, you know, reached out, like, oh, what do you mean? You know, I'm like, yeah, I'm going for England. Oh, but you're fucking Mexican. I'm like, okay, so what about it? Oh, you're supposed to be rooting for us. Who the fuck say that? Anyways, so he was we were going back and forth, he was talking shit, blah, blah, I was talking shit, and then motherfucker unfollows me. Faggots are now fucking unfollowing people who don't agree with it's whatever. Over fucking soccer.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Over fucking soccer. Sam, over fucking soccer.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

I'm like some people take it a little too serious, but I don't like soccer, so I don't care less.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Yeah, I'm trying to look at his name so I can actually tell, like, I can tell you what's his name. I don't know, but his his Instagram file uh handle is JJ Final Boy. JJ Final Boy, fuck you. Okay. I was rage banging the fuck out of you, and you fucking took it, bitch. So who's stupid now, JJ Final Boy?

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Shout out to JJ.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Shout out to JJ Final Boy, thank you so much for the young follow. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I rage baited you, you took it. And I hope you cry about it. So much shit. They like motherfucker, who you called who fat? You called who ugly? I'm like, first of all, bitch, fat maybe, ugly can never.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Only if I'm blown in, I ate a lot of sodium.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

That's the last thing we did.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Oh, by the way, I love that. I'm no longer gay, by the way.

unknown 10:21

Really?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Yeah, I decided that you know that was a sinful path in my life, and I just chose not to um engage with it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:31

This is big news. It is, yeah. You should have saved it for face to face.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

What my the inner gain is.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah. But then again, it was seven o'clock in the parking line. I was like, o'clock, so I'm back. Yay. Oh, I didn't tell you about that, didn't I? Did I tell you about that? No, all right, cool. So remember, okay, I forgot which episode was it. You know, I met up with somebody and we like the chilies. Back of the chilies, yes. This one was in in parking lot, and I'm not gonna say what parking lot. It could be a work parking lot, or it can be a 7-Even parking lot, whatever, or gas station. I think it's at work. Okay, anyways, it was, you know, I I was on time, you knew. It was, you know, I was going on time, and I'm just like, and then like somebody hit me up that I haven't talked to in a while, and I'm like, why are you hitting up? Like, it's like early in the morning, I'm about to like clock in. And I didn't clock in for a while. So we were sitting in the car, we were just talking, we were listening to Olivia Rodrigo, one of my favorite, you know, artists right now. And out of nowhere, out of nowhere, like my mouth just went south. Um so I, you know, this was but this is like like a month ago, but yeah, it was like one of the trades I was talking to, and yeah, it was early in the morning, so I can get cocked before I went to work. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

So everyone at work, if you smelled art's breast chicken, it's because he had dick.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

No, we went to get coffee after.

unknown 12:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

A Dunkin' Donuts. Actually, I got myself a coffee and a Dunkin' refresher. Not sponsored, but you know, I got those. Chattening. No, but yeah, but you know, sometimes you need it. I don't know. Like, I feel like if you're single or well, you know, I'm not really sexually active, but sometimes it's just like sometimes you just need it, you know. And I'm not about to go on the apps and be like, hey, who's looking or whatever? No, like good thing you have old people you haven't talked to, and good thing they sensed you needed help and they came and helped.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

So I would love for one of your old view, like old things to like message the pod and just tell us how it was. Let's hear how their side worked. Was Art good? Was he terrible?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Oh, I don't know. I don't have a lot of first of all, I don't have a lot of partners, first of all. Okay, that it I mean I'm talking about your one night stands. Well, I don't have a lot of those either. Yeah, you do. Bitch, you don't know my life? The fuck?

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Oh, you actually I actually know your life pretty well.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

You know, yeah. But shit, like I said, I fucking needed it and I was in heat, and I'm like, you know what? I fucking need something right now to make me feel alive because I was very depressed. I was really it was like when I found out that I was like I was dying of diabetes. It was it was around that time. So I'm like, I needed something to make me feel alive. I needed something. Oh my god, I needed something to make me feel alive because it was just like, damn, I just received this news and my body's shutting down. I'm like, let me see if I my mouth still not dying. Like, let me see if my mouth's still feeling something. And it did. Like, come on, who hasn't sucked digging cock like at seven o'clock in the parking lot before work? Who hasn't done that? But that was pretty much something like that's some excitement in my life, you know. I'm very, I'm very spontaneous, you know. I I like to have fun, and you know, sometimes you just need that.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Well, I don't know, because I'm straight, so I mean I don't even know the real definition of love is love.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Love it. I'm guessing like when people love to be love. Yeah, when people say love is love, it's like what they're talking about, you know, like any love, like straight love, gay love, or or whatever. But I just don't agree with it.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, you love who you love. You can't help.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yeah, but I just I just don't agree with um with some stuff. They're people talking about I don't agree.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Okay, shut up, you whore. Anyways, I don't agree with the pronouns. Yeah, they, them, their it's like either you're he or she.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Like Z, Zer, Zam, Z, and shit like that. What the fuck is that? And what's crazy though, there's a lot of people in the fucking geek community who fucking are really with that. Like, oh, what's your pronoun? Oh, this and that, and they get very sensitive and shit. And I'm like, no, bitch, that is not me. That is not me.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

I just don't understand it. It's stupid.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

And then they want us to be like, you know, to be delusional and like be like accepting of all that shit. No, I'm not gonna know. If I ever come across a coworker or someone in like a circle, whatever, talking, and they be like, Oh hi, my name is Jack. Um she hurt. I'm like, okay, I'm out. I gotta go. I can't, I just can't. I will that will make me go crazy.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yeah, so I don't, it's like I said, and then it's like the with the transgender, they get upset when they're like when they change and they're like, no, I'm I'm a girl, but they were born a boy.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, I get it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Don't get off, but like they get so offended. Don't get offended, hold your head up high and be like, yeah, I was born a boy, but now I'm a girl.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

I'm that bitch now. Yeah, but they would but they would never sit there and say a girl. Oh, but they would never be a girl. They can say what they want, but there would never be a girl. Which is true, yeah. But but there's a cool, there's some cool ones actually, and some trans that will understand. And if we can really get into it, being trans is actually kind of like a mental illness. I mean, no shade. Like, I you know, it's pretty much after I feel like some stuff. I think you're gonna get canceled after this episode. Why? It is it is true. Like, I feel like, you know, it's a form that you know, I know I saw a tweet on Twitter like a couple days ago, and and somebody said that, you know, like, oh, being homosexual wasn't is not a mental disorder, you know, on this day, blah blah blah. They ruled it it's not a disorder. I'm like, oh shit, it was considered, you know. I'm like, damn. But I feel like if you are born a boy or whatever, and you're trying to be a girl or you're a girl trying to be a man, I feel that it has to be some kind of illness there or something that you know, like it's not right. And and it is a disorder, or people being just mental if you are of not of age, you're like still, you know, a little kid or whatever, and the parents or whoever the fuck is pressuring you to take hormones and all that stuff, that right there is mental. Like that's like that's dangerous. That's wow. Why would someone make their kids take drugs because oh, he felt like he was a girl? Like, he's a he's a child, they don't know what the fuck they want. You're pressuring them into wanting what the fuck they want.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

So you want whatever to me, because I get how people are when it comes to that like subject. I don't give a shit if you want to identify as a zebra. You're like, if someone came up to me and was like, hey Sam, I'm gonna identify as a frame pan, I'm gonna say, okay, sounds goofy, but go for it. However, I'm not gonna tell them how to live their life.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

You know what I mean? Yeah. You bitch.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

I am just like I had a walk but no, I mean I do think I do agree with the whole what you just said. There are some parents that they're forcing like the boy to dress as a girl, and vice versa. And then there's like saying like they're implementing more of the opposite sex saying, like, yeah, and then of course they're gonna grow up with a girl mentality if they're a boy, girl with a boy mentality. Yeah, and it's like that I think is wrong. You shouldn't be medicating or getting surgery. If you feel like that when you're 18, go for it.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

I mean, it's I say who am I to control their lives?

SPEAKER_00 19:11

I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

That's who is anyone to control their lives? I do want to say that's something that I'm not done talking. That's something that they have to deal with. Not me, just like how I said the haters when they're like talking shit or bringing somebody down or whatever. Yeah, let them sit in the corner because they're just upset about something. So when it does come to like all the trans and everything, and these people are talking about and they get really upset. Who cares?

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Let them all things true, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

They're not the they're not you. Yeah, you're yourself, just how if someone came up to me and said, Hey, I'm a trans, I'm gonna be like, Okay, cool. It's not affecting my life.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

No, yeah. And I would never, like I said, okay, yeah, I'm judging right now, but I would never if you come up to me saying, Oh, I'm this, I'm that, like, all right, cool, you know, because I know some trans person, like I know in the stages, in the early stages of being trans, I I know this one person, and they're really cool. Like, I, you know, I'll be like, hey, what up, girl? And all that stuff. But you know, like I said, like, you know, and all the stuff that I'm saying, it's all science, you know. Like, come on now, you can't deny all that.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

I mean, at the end of the day, the the trans gotta know. Yeah, if you're born a boy, you're a boy.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Yeah, if you're born a girl. I would never be a bitch and be like yeah, I would never be a bitch or like anything like that in say to your face, you know. That's why I have the podcast. But you know, like but but no, see, now that's different right there. If you were actually, I don't think you ever do that. I think you're just trying to be a shock value right now. But you I don't think you ever you would never go up to a trans and be like, you're not a man, you're not a boy, and you're not a woman, or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

So there is this girl. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

What what what's their name?

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Which name?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

The real name.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Okay, so the name that they were born with.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

Wait, is it somebody you work with?

SPEAKER_01 21:19

No.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Okay, cool. Is it somebody that I know? Is this person gonna come and kill us and send Denthurist?

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Alright, cool. Go ahead and say it.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

So her the birth name, I'm only gonna say because I only know this person because of a mutual friend. Who's the mutual friend? I seen this person like maybe like three, four times.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Who's a mutual friend?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

It's a girl that I work with.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

You're talking about somebody you work with them.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

No, the person I work with, it's their friend. Like their extended friend group.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Alright, cool. I love how we just talk about transit. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

But I mean, because my Anyways, I don't even know how we got here, but hey, we're here. Oh yeah. Shout out to Pride.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

The birth name is Jose. But the name now.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Josefina?

SPEAKER_01 22:16

No, it's Jennifer.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

What the fuck? Usually some like trans people like they have like a a a guy name they can transfer the same to like a girl.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yeah, not this one.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Anyways. And there was and like it still has features of a boy, but starting to have features of a girl.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

So just think of like a a girl with a beard. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

And guys their hair crazy color.

unknown 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

But like looks like a girl though. And the first time we met was explaining herself. I was saying him for a while. Now I say her. I'm used to it now. No, and I told her, I was like, but you're a boy.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Wait, did they?

SPEAKER_01 23:16

But she wasn't like rude about it. She was just she was actually one of the cool ones that she's like, no, I know I was born a boy. She like, but you know what? As she got older, she just feels like she wanted a change. And she waited till she was 22. And she did it.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Well, that's good. Some people are are well aware or self-aware.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

So she acknowledges, yeah, she's a she was born a boy. Just how she knows she can't have children.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Because she has boy anatomy or have a period.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Exactly. Because even if you get the surgery to switch your gender down there, in the inside of your body, you don't have the correct anatomy. So it's like if you're born a boy and then you transition into a girl, you cannot have a baby just because you changed your penis to your vagina. Because now guess what? You don't have ovaries.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

This is not true.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

And it's like I said, she was cool with it. She said, Yes, she understands she was born a boy. She got older. She started taking those uh the estrogen or the other one. Whatever. She started taking medicine, did a couple of surgeries or whatever. But she understands that she was born a boy.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Wow. Wait, so how long have you been trans?

SPEAKER_01 24:53

My whole life.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

I've always knew you.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

But yeah, so that's the one thing I want to make very clear out there. I know some people are against trans, some people are not. Yeah, because at the end of the day, for me, the way I see things is your life.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

And you do what you want.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Yeah, because what Sam just said was very transphobic.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

How bitch? I was encouraging them. You were transphobic. I just said you're gonna get canceled.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

You said I was gonna get canceled. All I said was, well, I everything I said was backed up with science, okay? Like, it's true. But, anyways, let's not let's let's let's get off this topic before I really do get cancelled. Which is not gonna happen because I can't be canceled. You can't cancel someone who's uncancelable. You can't camera Neo.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Oh, I got to. You won't cancel camera.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

But yeah, but I know that. Wait, Sam, so pretty much, okay, like for the last two months since we recorded, did you ever like did you think that you were not gonna come back to the pod, or I knew I was gonna come back. Yeah, like people really wanted you to come. Like people were like, Man, I hope she comes back, or you know, are it just like what's going on? Like you guys gotta talk it out. And you know, people do like we weren't beefy.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Like, little does everyone know we text and then we send each other the funniest TikToks ever every day.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Exactly. And if I don't text you, all of what do I text you when like when if say I don't text you for a week, what's the first thing I'll text you?

SPEAKER_01 26:29

I'll just say fat.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

Fat. Yeah, just yeah, that's weird. So but people really thought they were like beefing or whatever. People really thought, like, oh my god, you know, this and that.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

It goes 'cause the last episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Like I said, like I was diagnosed with this disability. And but it's like and I was really I was really like going through it, so I said what I needed to say. I exposed a lot of stuff on that podcast about vulnerable, I know about family, about all this stuff, and I'm just like, oh and I I I really didn't want to post it, but I'm like, nah, I needed to because and I think the viewers need to understand.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

I think it's more harder for them to understand because they don't know our friendship and how we are.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

But and is that's right, because when they listen, they don't listen to the podcast like like one, two, three, four. They'll listen to like five and then ten and then like two, you know. They'll listen to the podcast like that, so they have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

And it's like how when we said in the first episode of the podcast when we were like kind of introducing ourselves and how our friendship is, yeah. Other people will look at it like, oh my god, art's so mean, art's an asshole, art's talking shit. People think I'm at like I'm I know you so well.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

They think that I'm really like rude to you. I don't take it like that. I know, and but they think like that. They're like, they're like, Oh, you're being so mean to her. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

You're probably like, she'd be trying to fight me.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

She'll try to fight me, sir.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Cause everyone has to realize we just haven't got that far in those podcasts where my innerness comes out against art.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

But there's I'm an asshole to him too.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yes, she is.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

I'm a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Yeah, but she can't beat out.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

I'll make him cry.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

I sh didn't I make you cry once, I feel never. Okay, cool. Oh, can I tell you what happened to me yesterday? Alright, cool. So I was at work. I was like, okay, I'm going on lunch. I'm going to work, right? I'm going on lunch. I mean, I'm at work, I'm going to lunch. And then, you know, I was I went to the bathroom. Okay. I was in one of those stalls, right? And then, like, whatever. I next the next stall, I, you know, I, you know, people were like banging on my stalls. Like, someone's in here. You know, it's like I hate when they fucking knocking or they're fucking trying to open the door. Like, obviously, someone's in here, bitch. Stop fucking like what the it's like the SWAT team. It's just like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And then I'm like, I don't want people to know that I'm in there. So I'm like, I'm someone's in here. So I'm like, what the fuck? Get to get away. And then I'm like, you know what? I'm staying here. I don't care. I'm staying here. I literally said that to myself, I'm gonna stay here. But, anyways, so the next stall or whatever, I see like the shadow, you know, because I'm trying to, I've already I already got up, and it's like I see the shadow of somebody going in. But then I saw a shadow of somebody else get in. And this is at work. This is at work, girl. This is at work. So I saw like a shadow get in, and and I think the first guy like like went on top of the uh of the um the the the toilet, and I guess the other guy was sucking cock in the stall right next to me.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Get the fuck out. Dude, and this is at work at work! This is at work. Oh my god. Are you at the the new location or you're located?

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Let's just say the new location.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Okay, so the old they shut up.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

It's the old new location, and then I'm like, oh my god, and I'm like, and the only thing I heard was this how do you know he wasn't putting on lipstick? They're not. He was like like at the end of the cop. Dude, oh my god. It was somebody had some Nikes, some white and red Nikes, and then the other person was wearing non slip shoes.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Oh my god, I gotta go find them. Dude, the listeners probably like, I'm never wearing these shoes again.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

No, I'm like, I'm like, who the fuck was it? I'm like, I was in there, I was shocked, and I was intrigued, but I'm like, what the fuck? Like, somebody's hooking up in the in the stall right next to me, like at work. I'm like, this is not a cruising spot. Like, I know gays are like they want to suck dick and cock like anywhere, but this was the first time in my life that I experienced somebody sucking cock right next to me in a stall.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

How did you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00 31:11

I was just shocked. I was just I didn't want to get out of there. I'm like, oh my god, please hear me up, leave.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

Oh my god, it behind me. So there was one time that we went somewhere, and I swear to god, there was somebody fucking it was in the museum.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

No, there probably were.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

No, they 100% were in the bathroom? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Like some people give no fucks, but you know what? See, I'm more classy museum bathroom, but it's like the family one, like it's just like yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

The family, okay. We understand sometimes. We want to get a little like you know, crazy.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

And you know what? It's more exciting because you're like, we're gonna get caught.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Yeah, but it's well, people just hooking up right like in regular bathrooms with like different stalls, and it's just I'm like, I don't know, but it's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

I ran at a and then at your job.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

I know.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

I was gonna say where you were.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

I don't know. Yeah, I'll I'll what the fuck was that?

SPEAKER_01 32:21

I have sound effects too.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

Like this message. I'm like, you guys.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

So wait, so that bathroom?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Are you sure it was an employee and not a customer?

SPEAKER_00 32:35

I don't know who it was. I ain't see anything. All I saw was shoes.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

That's all I should have just looked over and been like, hey, what are you guys doing?

SPEAKER_00 32:42

Oh, that is so crazy. Because I was just like, why is this happening to me right now? And I'm hungry. Like, guys, get the f out.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

I'm hungry. Hurry up.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Like, here we go. No, but that wasn't that was insane.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

I'm like, who the f did they know you were there?

SPEAKER_00 33:00

I mean, obviously, they were probably the SWAT team, the ones fucking knocking on the store. It was the big one. I wasn't I wasn't the biggest one all the way in the end. Well, that's why. Yeah, but they were like bam, bam, bam, bam. I was like, god damn. Like, can I just like chill for a second before I gotta do anything else? But no, but they were right there, like fucking knocking, and then no wonder they were in a fucking rush to like you know. But I can't believe that experience. I'm I'm like, this is you should have done that. I'm like, but I was just like, this is not the faggotry I expected here on this day. Like, I I was not, but it happened.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

That was not in your agenda.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

That was not. The level of the fagotry that I experienced was astronomic, and I needed to run out of there, go home, and file the police report because what the fuck is happening?

SPEAKER_02 34:01

A police report? That's why.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

I'm traumatized now, like I'm scared. Use the bathroom, right? And then and then, like, whatever everyone left, I was by myself in there, and I left the fucking stall, and then my dumbass went to the next stall, like, what they do, right to look and be like, hey, so they didn't get a mess. But that's fucking disgusting though. That was it.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

But you know what? Some people just gotta get in where they can get it.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Yeah, but like, why you had to get it in when I'm in the next stall living my life.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Next time they'll just be like, oh, hey, is this art? Can you move this time?

SPEAKER_00 34:40

I'm like, no, it's not. It's just it's crazy, but I can't believe they experience that. Not even me. I won't be able to do that. I'm sorry, I'm scared. You're the biggest slut I know. You know what I want to go? I want to go to Texas Roadhouse.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

I love Texas Roadhouse.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Oh my god, I'm just thinking about the bread right now. Oh the fucking buttery bread. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

This is why we would not be able to be around each other because we're on a road to losing weight, and we're just, I feel like we would probably be 10 times more pounds than what we are.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

I mean, yeah, you're right. But we can I mean we can eat, we just gotta go to the gym the next day or walk. Actually, you know what? I'm gonna start walking. I'm gonna start walking like from work when it starts getting nicer outside because it's cold.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

I'm gonna start walking home and losing the do you uh work far from your house?

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Now I do, but I have a system.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

I can't fuck kind of answer that.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Okay, bitch. If you fucking listen to me, so bitch, I will kill you. Listen, whore. I'll expose all your secrets. I'll expose all your secrets.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Anyways, I don't have secrets.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Whatever. No, but no, from like my old house, it was an hour and 17 minutes because I counted. From the new house, it's more because I moved farther, but I can still walk the same distance from the old house, get a bus, from the bus, it'll take me to my train, and from the train I can walk it home.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

So, in other words, you'd be running trains.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Getting trains run on, yes. Whatever. I'm like, whatever. I'm like, whatever. Whatever, I don't care. It's whatever. It's just like life has been life so hard this week. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

I feel you.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

But you know what? I don't care. Regardless of what's going on in the world, we're here, we're alive, and I'm excited to do things this summer. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

What exciting things do you have planned for this summer?

SPEAKER_00 36:49

First of all, you don't have to like talk to me like that. You're like yelling at me like that. Like I'm going to Lala. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

I'm gonna fucking stab you, I swear to God.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

I'm going to Lollapalooza. I'm going on a boat. Actually, I'm gonna be on the boat next weekend. You know, where are you going? To downtown Chicago. I'm gonna be on the boat for the fireworks by yourself? Yes, I'm my own best friend. I love to do shit by myself. The fuck? But it was yeah, so I'm going to do that. Mostly all summer. I'll be down, I'll be down there on downtown Chicago walking around. Yeah. And then, you know, Lala, like I said.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Don't tell people that because they're gonna go try to jump you.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

They don't know where I'm gonna be at. And then, you know, like lala, and then right after Lala, it's the series premiere of the podcast on YouTube. Oh my god. And that's the first week of August, okay? I'm I'm not gonna postpone it anymore. It's the first week of August, bitch. So fucking get it together.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

I know. Can we just get the camera from the next up though? Like we're not skinny.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

No, because I'm buying chairs. Cause in the couch that I bought, you know, the one I'll be laying in.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Sleep, bitch. You're not laying down.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

No, we're not. No, listen. If you will shut the fuck up and listen to what the fuck I gotta say, you'll know what the fuck I'm talking about. Now shut the fuck up. Now shut the fuck up and watch the movie. All right. So what the fuck I was saying. Okay, so the couch that I bought, I thought I can make it to too many couches for us, but it can't. So now I'm just lying on that couch. So now I gotta buy two chairs. I gotta buy two chairs, two big chairs to be comfortable. Sam, at the end of the day, let me just tell you something about yourself. Can I was about to give you some like some great compliments?

unknown 38:56

Sam.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

You're such a liar. Oh my god, can you let me give you a compliment? Sam, I've been knowing you for 10 plus years already. And the one thing that has not changed is that personality you have. But the thing that has changed is that ways.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

Hey hey guys, so yeah, just thank you for it's crazy how we said the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Love flame. No, Sam, thank you so much for actually giving me the time of day, finally. And thank you. Because you know what, honestly, yes, I do solo podcasts, but I do be missing you when I record. So let's continue on this journey with us because we started this together.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

And we're gonna make it big.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

We're gonna make it big, bigger than your drawls. So bigger than those cots, bigger than those titties. Yes, but yeah, guys, thank you so much for tuning in on the brand new episode of the problematic pod. Thank you so much for supporting the pod. And thank you, Sam, for joining me once again. And our legacy will prevail.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

And thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Always on to the next time, guys. Thank you so much, and we'll see you next week. This is the public service announcement. If you're hearing this, then you're part of the problem. This podcast is problematic. Let's go.