Wildly Intentional

12. Getting Diagnosed with ADHD as an Entrepreneur

• Season 1 • Episode 12

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In this episode of Wildly Intentional, Flick and Verity open up about a deeply personal and powerful topic — navigating ADHD as business owners.

Verity shares her experience of getting diagnosed with ADHD, taking us through the emotional rollercoaster that followed — from clarity and validation to the challenges of reprocessing past experiences through a new lens. It’s an honest look at what diagnosis can bring, both practically and personally, when you’re running a business.

Flick also shares where she is in her own ADHD journey, along with insights she’s gained through researching and recognising traits within herself. Together, they explore how ADHD can show up in entrepreneurship, and the shifts in understanding, compassion and self-awareness that come with it.

This is a real, open conversation about identity, business, and learning how to work with your brain rather than against it.

 Subscribe to Wildly Intentional for weekly bold conversations on business growth, mindset and building a business that actually works for you. 

Come and say "hello" to us online - you can find Wildly Intentional Podcast on Facebook and Instagram.

Don't forget to join us in our Facebook Group to continue the conversation and let us know your thoughts on this episode and if you have ever felt the same as we do here.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to Wildly Intentional, the podcast of business owners who refuse to play small.

SPEAKER_01

This is where we'll have bold talks, honest conversations and dig into what it really takes to create big breakthroughs in business and in life.

SPEAKER_00

We're Verity and Flick, we're two business owners who have built, broken, rebuilt and grown businesses in our own ways.

SPEAKER_01

And we're here to share the lessons, the mindset shifts, and the unapologetic decisions that have really helped us to level up.

SPEAKER_00

So if you're ambitious, you're gross focused, and you're ready to do business on your own terms, you're in exactly the right place. So let's get wildly intentional. Hello. Hi. Hello again, how are you?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, not too bad, not too bad. It's uh the sun is shining now, which is lovely.

SPEAKER_00

Sun is lush today, although I'm back in my office, which is actually my conservatory, so I'm baking.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, where my office is, it's like it gets the sun in the afternoon, so because we're recording this in the afternoon, it's um yeah, it's starting to get a bit warm, so you'll notice well, barely unnoticed because we don't do yet do videos on these ones, but I've just taken off my really fluffy, fleecy sort of hoodie that I wear while I'm working when it's a bit cold.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. I just put in something up ready for today, so bear with. Um so yeah, it's the lush. Well, actually, somebody put a post out on social media recently, which was re I thought it was really funny. You know, in something it's like a mem and it just makes you laugh and it stays with you.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And it said something like, um, it's like winter stormed off but keeps coming back in the room and saying, and another thing. That just and literally the morning that I saw that it was blazing sunshine, and then the afternoon it was like hailstones and wind, and it just it cracks me out. I thought that was brilliant, it was really funny.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, well, I I put a story out on my uh Instagram and Facebook over the weekend, so I I ended up doing some work um just because I didn't manage to get everything done in the week. And I was literally, I was like, I could hear hail out the window, and I just turned to look out the window that's right next to my desk, and it was glorious sunshine and hail, and I was like, I know the weather just decided to roll the dice of like, what are we gonna get today? Yeah, where are we going today? Yeah, no, I I do like that meme that says, you know, and another thing.

SPEAKER_00

I know, but it really genuinely feels like that though. I thought it was really funny because it just completely related to it. It was like, yes, that's exactly what's happening, and another thing.

SPEAKER_01

Well, yeah, today because it's it's gloriously sunny now. But earlier we had like a downpour of like showers. So, you know, but for those of you who are listening, you know, so I'm based in Lincolnshire, Maritz, in South Wales, so it's like you know, we are quite far apart, which is why we record these online, but yeah, just that's that's what we've had today. We've had clouds, we've had rain, and now we've got sunshine. I'm hoping the fact that we continue to have sunshine because I've got a hike with my scouts this evening.

SPEAKER_00

So nice.

SPEAKER_01

Well, yeah, you might be alright. It's far more fun to walk in sun and dry, even even though we get intowards nighttime, but yeah, than than than the rain. Yeah. Although, you know, the the Sandra Billy Connolly quote of there's no such thing as bad weather, there's just poor clothing.

SPEAKER_00

Well, there is that, yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Billy. Highlighting the fact that I very often wear poor clothing. Like today, I'm sat here in a in a really big woolly jumper and my conservatory is baking hot. Not weather, it's the clothing. Yeah, I get it.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So today we're talking about ADHD part two. Yes. Which is relevant, I think, because um, well, there's some updates really, and I thought that it would be good to share it with everybody to, you know, some people might resonate with it. Do you want me to take the lead on this? Or do you want to do that?

SPEAKER_01

Certainly, the last time we did an ADHD episode, I think it was the the most uh commented episode that I've had since we first started this podcast. I was getting people sort of messaging me going, like, you know, oh, this is my tip and trick for for this that you were talking about. And when you're struggling with this, this is what I do. Maybe you should try it. And I was like, that's that's lovely to know that people are listening and you know, that they're absolutely help and support.

SPEAKER_00

Well, any comments off the back of this might be greatly appreciated. Flick's just thrown something quite interesting into the conversation, but we'll talk about it as it goes. Um, so as you all kind of know, you know, Flick and I are quite passionate about the subject of neurodiversity, and I teach in it um quite often around you know what it's like in the workplace and creating inclusive spaces for those who are neurodivergent, not diagnosing, um, and just working with people's traits rather than diagnosis. And I've always been a huge advocate for um not needing the diagnosis because you know, traits overlap, traits, you know, we all have some traits. It doesn't mean we're all neurodivergent, by the way. It means that we all resonate with some traits. Being neurodivergent is very different. But I think you should work with traits rather than conditions, and I've always stood by that. But the deeper I went into it and the more I was coaching and training on this, the more I started to feel like an imposter. I felt like I know I have ADHD, but then I don't know I've got ADHD because I've never had anybody actually, well, apart from a comment that um an occupational therapist made where she said um she agreed I had ADHD, not through an assessment, it was actually a conversation about my daughter. Um, but then also said, You don't think you're autistic, which was a bit of a shock to me. Um, because no, I didn't. Um, but anyway, so it's been playing on my mind for a long time. And I thought I'm teaching on this, and I'm saying to people I've got ADHD, and I'm, you know, being this person that fully understands and creates toolkits and does all sorts of things on this subject, but I've never actually gone for the diagnosis. So I thought it was about time, and I have been on the NHS waiting list for like four years. Um, so it was always my intention, it's just there was no urgency to it, but now I feel some urgency. So I did go private, and I went private with a company. I'll give them a bit of a shout to actually it's all right, can I do that? Yeah, yeah. So they they're a proper recognized clinician service, whatever it is, um, they're proper psychiatrist clinicians, whatever they need to be. Um, but they only diagnose ADHD. So my autistic side didn't come into this, it was only um ADHD, but it was I was recommended them through, and you'll know this because anybody with ADHD will follow this person, Alex Partridge. So um obviously Alex Partridge is a huge influencer, and he recommended them, and I think he did a deal with them. So they were offering them for it was 249, but now it's 289. So I actually paid 249 pounds for my assessment, and it was the whole assessment, the full assessment. Um, and they're called Focused, if anybody wants, or focus, yeah, focused, if anybody wants to go and look them up. They were brilliant to be fair. But the waiting lists were a lot shorter, but they only diagnose ADHD. So I went through the full process of it, which by the way, I've always said is terrible, but oh my god, it's terrible. It's like, how can you put like how much how awkward can we make somebody feel who might be neurodivergent? How can we push them so far out of their comfort zone that the process alone tells us that that they actually neurodivergent? It was horrific.

SPEAKER_01

So this is where like you and I differ in the fact that so for a long time I was very much on the the uh opinion um that I didn't need a doctor to tell me how my brain worked. I know how my brain works, like I know the fact that you know I I'm you know, to use the the big bang theory quote of like I'm quirky, like I've got quirks. Um, you know, you might describe them as traits. I I quite like to call them quirks.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I say I'm quirky. I like quirky the word, quirks, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um but yeah, and it's it was then it was at the point where it was then impacting my business that it was sort of going, right, okay, now this is something I need to look into. And yes, absolutely. You know, as we said in the last episode, I've still got the paperwork. I've had I've now completed the paperwork, folks, since the last episode that we talked about ADHD. I have completed the book, but I've also then now got to print it off and take it back to the doctors, and that just seems like a task. It just seems like one you mental task to do it, and now you're going like, right, okay, well, once I've done that bit, then the hard work really starts. Yeah. Huh, maybe I'm okay just just sort of you know, raw docking this, just going like that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, I I still do believe I'm a bit of a contradiction in terms because I do believe you don't need the diagnosis. I think the waiting lists are huge, people can't afford to go private. And I think, you know, if you know enough about yourself, you will understand yourself and you can go and look for those tips and tricks, unless you want to actually be medicated, which was never my intention either. I haven't gone down that road, but for my own personal reasons. Um, unless you want to go and be medicated, you don't necessarily need the diagnosis. If you want to go for access for work to work, sorry, access to work or anything like that, you don't need an official diagnosis to get that that help. So it's really a lot of people go for the diagnosis for validation, for you know, really understanding that was that was my my thought was the fact that goes for access to work.

SPEAKER_01

I remember talking to you about this, was to get the access to work. I would need to have the diagnosis for the work. No, you don't need the diagnosis for it. I don't remember you sort of going to me like Flit, you don't need that, you can just apply for it. And I was like, Oh my god, like so yeah, that that's that's when are they going to change that?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know, because they are kind of changing their processes a little bit. Um, because people are cottoning onto it and realizing that this help is available. Um, but no, at the moment you don't need the diagnosis. But I mean, I I'm an advocate for whether you want it or not, it's it's absolutely fine. It's you know, your choice, your personal choice, but you don't need it to be classed under the disability um characteristic in the Equality Act, you don't need it for access to work. So you don't need the diagnosis for any other reason than your own validation and medication or anything like that. But I because I felt like a complete imposter teaching this, I thought I need to go for it. And then, of course, I went through the horror of those feelings of imposter syndrome where I thought, what if they say I'm not? What if I am actually a drama queen? What if I am just oversensitive? What if I am all of these things that people have told me all my life? And I haven't actually got ADHD. But I had to fill out this massive questionnaire with pages and pages and pages, which took me days and days to do. Then they said, could you ask your mother to fill out a questionnaire? Because she's the only living person who knew knows you from birth. And I'm like, oh my Christ. My mother is 80, she's bonkers, she is never gonna get this. So I then had to sit with her.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, it's hereditary, right? So we know where it came from.

SPEAKER_00

I know. I had to sit with her and go through this questionnaire and you know, fully expecting because my mother very much sits on the, oh, everybody's a bit autistic, everybody's got a bit of ADHD. You know, we're constantly having arguments about how offensive that is. Um, so I was expecting her to be fully kind of there's nothing wrong with you, Verity, because she sees it as you know, there's something wrong with you if you've got ADHD. She's very much that generation. We argue all the time, given that you know I specialise in equality, diversity, and inclusion. You can imagine the barrier. Um, but I sat with her and I was going, so mum, you know, tell me about this. You know, were there any kind of when I was a child, did I like to play independently? And I was asking her these questions. And at the end of it, which took hours by the way, um, she said, Oh, she's actually when you hear it out loud like that, you were a bit quirky as a child. It's like, really, mum, really. So we had to do that. And then, and then there's the two-hour assessment. Now, my God, a two-hour assessment for somebody who's got ADHD is hell on earth. And at the end of it, she said, it's really nice chatting to you. And I just went, I bet it wasn't. I bet you are lying through your teeth right now. I bet it absolutely was not nice chatting to me for the last two hours. Or was I exhausted? It took me about three days to recover from that. And then I got the report through, and this is where it gets really interesting. Oh, she told me on the call that obviously I had combined ADHD. I scored high on both um hyperactive and inattentive, um, but I didn't know what my actual scores were. And then the report came through, and it was 16 out of 17 on inattentive and 30 out of 32 on hyperactive. So I'm a little bit combined ADHD. And it said for both severely impaired. And do you know what? I've really struggled. I really saw those words and thought, first of all, I was like, no, no, I'm blown to the stomach, isn't it? Absolutely. And then I thought, well, but then the validation came in, and I thought maybe everything I've been through in my entire life really was because it was a struggle, it was a real genuine struggle. But I'm really having trouble with those words and processing it, I'm having trouble with, and it's taking me back to my childhood. And whereas I went in there thinking it'll give me the validation and it'll make me feel less of an imposter, I'm now left with this. I don't know what to do with this. I was kind of all right when I just knew it, but didn't have it officially known. And then you brought up something just now. Go on, bring it in.

SPEAKER_01

So one of the the things, so I follow um one of the platforms that I've no, one of the creators that I follow um is a couple called ADHD Love. ADHD Love, yeah. And they talk an awful lot about the ADHD regression. So once people have got their diagnosis, they then suddenly start to unmask everything. So they suddenly become more ADHD. So, you know, a lot of people then think that that actually getting the diagnosis then makes you symptomatic because actually you're just removing all of your masks to then slowly build back into actually where do you fit within that diagnosis? And actually, it's where does that diagnosis fit within you as well? Um, so an awful lot of people report on this ADHD regression of when they get the diagnosis, they suddenly get worse before they manage to sort of level out. It's almost like you know, you're on a seesaw and somebody's just dropped a massive boulder on the other end, and you've got to like fly up to then like sort of land back down and and work out the balance of it of actually where does this sit? Because you you know the boulder was at the other end of it, but nobody's dropped it on.

SPEAKER_00

I know. And that's exact that just describes exactly what I'm going through. I didn't I don't, I mean, I follow avidly ADHD love, so I don't know why I didn't know this. Maybe I did know it, but I just I've put it down somewhere. But it has, I've like massively, my traits are far worse than it. I mean, they started getting quite bad when I started this job. My boss actually said, I've never known you so ADHD as I have since you started this job.

SPEAKER_01

But of course, I was kind of trying to live in that box. How does it become an adjective? I've never known you so ADHD. How do you describe people as ADHD nowadays like that?

SPEAKER_00

But even my husband is like, he just looks at me now and is just, you're not gonna cope with that. You're not gonna cope with that right now. Okay, so I'm just gonna do this. And and I have, I've got 10 times worse. And my I've been really, and maybe it's an awareness thing, you're just hyper-aware now of your traits. And I am all over the place constantly right now. I'm finding everything a real struggle since having the diagnosis, but I'm also struggling with the diagnosis itself, and it's bringing up feelings of anger and hurt, and even when I go back to my childhood and think about my dad, what it's done is made me realize that my dad was incredibly autistic, and he actually had the same struggles that I was having, but we were complete opposite ends of the spectrum. I've just dropped my balls. What do you mean it's a fidget toy thing?

SPEAKER_01

It is a little fidget toy. Yeah, I'll be concentrated. I've just dropped them all. I can't believe that you just explained that you and your dad were opposite ends of the spectrum as well, because I know you hate using the word spectrum when we're talking about yeah, hang on.

SPEAKER_00

I've just got her balls.

SPEAKER_01

She's gonna find a fidget toy. I mean, to be fair, the the fact that the pair of us sit here and I've got a fidget pen that I do I'm constantly playing with while we're recording these, and I have like fidget toys and and you know things.

SPEAKER_00

That kind of fidget pen.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, mine's oh yours is like magnetic and all.

SPEAKER_00

It is, it's got magnetic balls on it and everything. Oh, they come off a lot though, so it irritates me.

SPEAKER_01

No, mine's got mine's got like a twizzly top, so where where the clicky bit comes in, it's also got a stylus, which is a nice sort of sensory of like I can just squish the the stylusy bit that's the touch screen. But then the top of it also spins. Um I can put my thumb in it. But like but we're now gonna have to when we when we release this episode, we're now gonna have to like share like photos and videos of our fidget toys that are.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. These are magnetic, right? I use them when I'm training, but the problem is I keep dropping them. So every now and again everybody gets that noise, or I drop them on the floor, and I'm like, I can't bend down now. But yeah, I did use the word spectrum, and I hate the word spectrum, but it it does apply to this. I did and going back to the.

SPEAKER_01

There's two different types of autistic people. They either get on really well or they or they explode and against each other.

SPEAKER_00

So he was like magic, super, super rigid, and I was super, super chaotic. So we clashed like mad. And it kind of, I'm not taking away from his behavior because he was an arsehole, you know, there is no taking away from his behaviour. But then I look back on it and I think maybe he was just without this knowledge, and he was raised in a very strict household too. And I imagine that it would have been very even things like we used to battle with the public, because people would say, I don't know how you could say that about your dad. He was such a lovely man, he's a pillar of the community, he's the one that everybody goes to for advice, blah, blah, blah. But inside the house, he was a complete idiot. I've got far stronger words than that. But he was an alcoholic, so he drank, and I think it was the mask. When he left the house, he put on his mask, and then when he came in to his safe space, the mask dropped, and there his anger came out and everything else, and his need for alcohol to obviously, you know, get rid of those feelings. So it hasn't kind of taken away from I suppose this is a good thing, it is bringing up old feelings, but it hasn't taken away from his behaviour. I acknowledge that his behavior was it was terrible, but it almost gives reasoning to it and helps me to understand him better. It gives you that reason why.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because that would be the the child inside you will be constantly asking, well, why was he like that? Why was he different with me than he was with people outside? But actually, you know, having gone through the diagnosis, I imagine it started to answer that that reason why. And it doesn't, it doesn't excuse the behaviour, but it just answers that question because that's what we we kill ourselves over, isn't it? That that question of well, why, why, why did this happen to me? Why is this happening? Why did why did he do that? And when you can't get those answers.

SPEAKER_00

Um I wish I could go back now and really kind of with the knowledge that we we've got now, I wish we'd had that 20 years ago, or that was wishful thinking, 30 odd years ago. Um, you know, where I could go back and and we could kind of have a conversation about it and maybe take him down that road. And I think about my brother, and he was undiagnosed. We were going through the diagnosis process at the end with him. And if he'd been diagnosed earlier, if he'd understood himself better, it might not have ended the way it did. And so I going off track a little bit here, but I am finding it is really there's nostalgia, there's kind of sadness, there's validation.

SPEAKER_01

It's the fact that you're you're grieving the the words that you've said of like you are grieving for the the lost time that you didn't know this thing about you and your brain and your family, and and so you know, all these emotions that you're going through at the moment, it's it's it is grief, it's that you know, wishful thinking, the the bargaining, the sadness, the anger, the the all of those things we associate them with grief. But when you you're saying it now and like nobody's died. I mean, we know the fact that you have lost people in your family, but we're not talking about that kind of grief, we're talking about the di the feelings that you felt when you've had that diagnosis. They are the same as grief because you're mourning something that wasn't that you wished had been.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's really difficult. It's really I didn't expect to feel this way. I just expected to think, there you go, it's validation. Great, I can now officially say I've got ADHD and I can, you know, legitimately teaching. Yeah. And instead, I've like just got all these traits I never had before, and I'm just constantly chaos. I mean, you know, my husband, bless him, has spent the last two days sorting out the house because I created that much chaos, I got to the point that I can no longer work in this house. And it's like I I got to work, I've got to work, and I'm sat back in my office again today because he spent the weekend sorting it out. Whereas I lived, yeah, it just had paperwork everywhere. And bless him, he's got I've realized as well how hard I am to live with. And you know, how uh when I was going through the assessment, I was like, oh my god, my husband's a really good guy. I'm not sure I realized how much he does for me before I went through it. But I must be really difficult to live with. It's it's really weird. It's all just be warned, okay, listeners. I'm telling you now, right? Just whether you've if you decide to go for it for it or not, just expect a whole load of feelings you did not expect to happen.

SPEAKER_01

That's where I'm I mean, I'm I'm sort of starting to feel some of those because now that I've filled out the paperwork and I've seen the the marks on the paper that actually say, okay, I mean, of the the 20 odd questions in the initial paperwork that they ask you, I'm I'm putting a number because I can't remember how many of them are on there. Um, you know, 19 of them I answered in the ADHD scale. And the one that I didn't answer in the ADHD scale was because the situation itself doesn't come up that regularly for me. So I'm like, well, it's not often because I don't experience and then Rob's turned around and gone, no, you need to amend your answer because if every time that situation does come up, that is your response of actually, yes, often that does happen. It's just that that situation doesn't come up very well. Um, and yeah, and so I've kind of gone through that, I've gone through a little bit of ADHD regression while it have I haven't got the diagnosis, and I'm still still sitting on that paperwork because you know, taking it down to the doctor seems like a monumental task. It's really not the doctor is 200 yards from my front door, it's really not that fast. No, it is though, it is, it's a big task. But I've sort of like I've noticed that you know Rob has become more as he's seen my answers to the questions and he's like, Oh, I didn't realize that you ex you experience that, or I didn't know that that's what goes through your head. So he's actually becoming more accommodating for understanding what is going through and recognises, you know, there are certain times where I'm, you know, I don't know, stood in the middle of the kitchen and I'm and he's like, right, you're glitching because you've got too many tabs open in your brain. Verbalize them and let's let's close some of them down to get you. You're back in the words, you're really good at articulating things. We were talking about this um earlier today. So, Rachel, I know she listens to the podcast. Um, we were talking about this today of actually, you know, having the tabs open in your brain. Your brain is very much like a computer. When you've got multiple tabs open on your computer, it starts to run slowly and it glitches and it doesn't work. And an ADHD brain is exactly the same with all the to-do lists.

SPEAKER_00

I can use that in my training. That's really good. Tabs in the brain. We interrupt this podcast while Verity makes notes. Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_01

It's good's death flick. But yeah, if you want to free up the RAM in your brain to to, you know, you've got to either close the tabs to say, okay, they no longer serve me, then I don't need them anymore, or you need to complete the task and it'll free up more brain space.

SPEAKER_00

I forget where we were going with that, but I don't know where we're going with this whole podcast, really. Probably validation and imposter syndrome and just like, you know, just yeah, just have a conversation about it. You know, we've we've got, shall we mention at this point? Because we forgot to again on the last podcast. Should we mention we've actually got social media coverage now? And then just encourage people to come and engage and tell us their experience. Have you been diagnosed? Are you considering it? Are you decided not to? How did you feel? Were you validated? Did it bring up regression? What you know, tell us about it. Guan Flick, tell us about the social media.

SPEAKER_01

So, yeah, we now have a Facebook page and an Instagram page to go along with our Facebook group. Um, so we're in the process at the moment of trying to create lots of little reels and snippets of us talking to each other so that um still not yet on video, because I think we're we're still we're still a little bit nervous about that. We like the the fact that we're we're an audio-based podcast, don't we? We do. Um so yes, so we we have now Wildly Intentional Podcasts on Facebook and Instagram, and then the wildly intentional group on Facebook as well.

SPEAKER_00

And you will note that I'm in charge of the group, which is why nothing's happening with it. And I keep swearing I'm gonna sort it out. Maybe this will be the one that I sort it out with because it'll generate a lot of conversation. Because it will. This will always generate conversation.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. A lot of people, you know, whether you're in in denial about your your ADHD diagnosis, you know, because a lot of people, like you say, your mum goes, Oh, yeah, but everybody's like that. Everybody's a little bit like that. And it's like really irritating.

SPEAKER_00

Like totally invalidates my entire life. Hate it.

SPEAKER_01

Red mist just descended from empty space.

SPEAKER_00

I was like this is why we can't have video.

SPEAKER_01

Because it looks like you got really angry at me for saying that then, but actually wasn't all angry at you. Um yeah, I don't know where I was getting with that. You've completely derailed that thought.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry. I've got no idea what you were trying to say. It made sense to me that sorry, yeah. No.

SPEAKER_01

Apologize for apologizing, it's good.

SPEAKER_00

Apologies for apologizing. Yeah. So yeah. So we've got some. Come and talk to us.

SPEAKER_01

How is your how has your imposter syndrome showed up with this? Um, you've mentioned it a couple of times, but you've not really gone into actually how are you noticing it showing up?

SPEAKER_00

Well, my imposter syndrome is less since I've had the diagnosis in terms of what I'm teaching, because I it has done that for me. It has kind of validated the fact that I do know what I'm talking about. I've learned a lot, I've researched a lot, and I've even got qualifications in it. So I know I do know what I'm talking about. I didn't need the diagnosis to do that, but I felt like I needed the diagnosis for yeah, my own imposter syndrome. But the imposter syndrome shows up now, I think, in the fact that I just not don't feel very capable of doing anything. So it's like I don't feel good enough for anything at the minute because I'm going through this whole processing piece, I think. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

But that's why I describe it as grief, because you know, if you if you if you are grieving something, you know, you get time off work, you get but we we think of grief only of coming with with death. Yeah, you know, a death of a loved one kind of thing. But it does. And I understand it.

SPEAKER_00

I say to people a lot, you know, you're grieving a life that that wasn't what you thought, or a life that that's gone, or you know, I get it, I get the concept, and it's you're right, I am definitely doing it. I just didn't expect to, and it's just really weird. I honestly thought I just wanted that validation so I could legitimately say, I understand, I I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I value you, those kind of things. That's why I wanted it. So people knew that I was coming from a place of really understanding it. And and it's just literally regression is a good word because it sent me spiraling. I've gone backwards massively. It's gonna take me a minute, I think.

SPEAKER_01

But isn't it interesting the fact that actually you getting the diagnosis to understand other people better? Actually, those people who've already got the diagnosis probably understand you better now because they'll have gone through. Well, I'm I'm assuming, and and you know, by all means, listeners, correct me if I'm wrong in the in the comments and things like that on on socials. But they're gonna go, well, yeah, I went through the same thing, Varity. And in it, it is it is really like traumatic.

SPEAKER_00

Um it feels it, it does, and it was so unexpected, so unexpected. I did not expect to feel like this at all, but I'm really struggling with it. I'm not I don't regret it. I don't regret getting the diagnosis because it has validated and it has, you know, like I said about my dad, it's validated a lot of things in my life and it's validated my career choices and it's validated the conversations I have, but it's it's really, I don't know, it's just it's it's hard, it's processing it is really difficult. Yeah, see, but I mean people will respond differently. So I'd be really interested if you are listening to this, then just go into our group and just talk to me about it because I kind of need the validation from others just for a minute. Just I I spent my life trying to validate other people. If somebody could just come and validate me, that would be great.

SPEAKER_01

But yeah, it's I mean, I think for me, I've I'm the reason possibly one of the reasons that I think now is that's holding me back from you know taking that paperwork to the doctors and can you know continuing down the next step is the fact that I am expecting to feel where you are, whereas you didn't expect to feel it, whereas I'm going, no, I've I this is gonna yes, it's gonna help me in the long run, but in the short term, it's possibly gonna derail me, derail me in a way that I I'm I'm expecting but not expecting, because like I say, the the the words that have just hit you out of the blue are just yes, and I'm really peed off about the wording, it's like significantly impaired, it's really bad wording.

SPEAKER_00

It's really like I I get it, I do get it, I get why they say it, and you know clearly I am very impaired, but it does feel a little bit offensive, if I'm honest. It's like I'm really I'm an intelligent, like a woman who's built a successful business, is ha is got a really like pressurized job, but I'm kind of coping. But you wouldn't have said that an hour ago.

SPEAKER_01

But then when you look at that, doesn't that doesn't that show up as your ADHD as well? Is the fact that you know you built a successful business probably because people didn't think that you could because you went out as an ADHD or and went, Yeah, watch me. Yeah, very possibly. Um I mean I'm I'm the same as the fact that the more I learn about ADHD. I'm like before I started the Social Dragonfly, I didn't work it anywhere for longer than 18 months to two years. I job hopped because it was like, well, I've I've mastered this now, what's next? And if I didn't get that promotion, I was like, well, it's bored me. I'm I've I've passed this crack on, where it was um, which is what I think we said in the last episode, there's a lot of business owners before they start their business, they're exactly the same when they're when they've when they're ADHD. Um yeah, it is I I I validate you in the fact that you know this is completely normal in how you are supposed to feel after getting that diagnosis. This is what you know, all the experts that I've looked at, researched, read about, they all say the same thing that the diagnosis is incredibly empower empowering, but also incredibly incredibly painful.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's probably a good way of putting it. Yeah, well, there you go. There's a kind of Wednesday wild words of wisdom. I advocate for diagnosis if you want to do it, but just brace yourself because it's it's gonna evoke a lot of feelings. It's it's not gonna be as expected as you think. It's gonna hit or or you might be like I thought I was gonna be, and just you know, there you go, I've got I've got the diagnosis. There's the words called, let's move on. It didn't quite go that way.

SPEAKER_01

But isn't that again another ADHD thing is the fact that you're like, yeah, I can cope with bad news because I can I, you know, I've done it before, so I'll just I'll just cope with it. And then it suddenly hits you, and you're like, Oh, I can't cope with this.

SPEAKER_00

I need a microphone. It's not even bad news, is it? It's like it's good news, really, because it does it is validating. It is that very much that that piece that says, you know, there's nothing wrong with you. You just wired a little bit differently, you do things differently. So it's not bad news, but it just feels like I feel like I need a round of like therapy to get me through this.

SPEAKER_01

So you gave a podcast to talk to me.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe given the last two years, this wasn't the best time to actually go for it, but you know, because it's bringing all sorts out, but then maybe this is what was supposed to happen in the first place, and I was supposed to go through this after everything else that has happened over the last couple of years, and maybe this is the kind of the last piece of that process, maybe.

SPEAKER_01

But I think you know, as you said, you've said to me previously in the past, when you know, and it was going through my miscarriage, and you're like, you're allowed to grieve, you are allowed to grieve and feel these emotions. Then you are you you don't need external validation to go actually on going through something. You can you can validate yourself.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks. All right, then I'm not sure what the point of that topic was, other than to validate other people, really, and to you know see what other people's experiences are. But we did say it's life and business, so that's life right now.

SPEAKER_01

And as we said in the last episode, you know, it's emotionally connecting by sharing some personal things about us. So there you go.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. What what was the last episode? Being bold and not being afraid to be seen or something. There you go. That is just living by what we said.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. Not afraid to be seen as, you know, I'm I'm I'm afraid to take some paperwork down to the doctors, but I'm not afraid to be seen.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. A whole different entity though, it's completely different. Right, where are we on time? Are we good?

SPEAKER_01

I think we are about a half an hour, somewhere around about that time.

SPEAKER_00

Well, do let us know your thoughts in the group or on social media or wherever you follow us, and yeah, and good luck if you are going through the process. And and as always, we're here as well. You know, if if you want to talk to anybody, we're here. And you know, as people who are going through it ourselves.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That was a bit smoothie at the end, wouldn't it? But we do mean it. Like we're here for you. We're here for you. We are, we're not taking the mate, we are, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

We always reach out and talk to us about your diagnosis and you know what you experienced when you got it. You know, are you feeling very much like Verity is at the moment? Or, you know, are you still holding on to that paperwork like I am? Who knows? When this episode goes out, maybe I'll maybe I'll maybe you'll take it down.

SPEAKER_00

I maybe I'll message you every day and say, have you done it yet? Have you done it yet? Have you done it yet? And I'll be like a petulant child that won't stop saying, Are we there yet? We're there yet, are we there yet?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Which then, you know, I'll take it down there just to like just to shut me up. Yeah. Maybe that's the key. There you go, folks. That's our challenge. I'll let you know how that goes.

SPEAKER_01

Just pesta flick.

SPEAKER_00

Right. We will see you next time, folks. See you next time. Thanks for spending this time with us on Wildly Intentional.

SPEAKER_01

If this podcast sparks something for you, take it with you and act on it.

SPEAKER_00

Don't forget to subscribe, share, and come and say hello online.

SPEAKER_01

And remember, bold talk leads to big breakthroughs with no apologies.