Season 2: Episode 4: Small Town Tea Talk

In this week’s Mental Health Matters episode of Deadly Tea Podcast, we’re diving into a topic that often goes unspoken: the loneliness and isolation that can come with living in a small town.

While small-town life can offer a sense of community and familiarity, it can also leave some people feeling disconnected, stuck, or misunderstood. Join Marie as she discusses the impact isolation can have on mental health, why loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone, and practical ways to build meaningful connections and find joy where you are.

If you’ve ever felt like your world has become too small, this episode is a reminder that you’re not alone—and that connection may be closer than you think.

☕🖤 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses loneliness, anxiety, depression, and mental health challenges.

Social Media:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedeadlytea?igsh=MXA5dnp0Nmw0cXlm&utm_source=qr

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@deadlyteapodcast?_r=1&_t=ZP-93Xx2859Gmt

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1CE5Qn7mv5/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Deadly Tea Podcast. It's Marie, your host. And I'm Yuri, your co-host. Co-ho. Co-host. Do do do do do do do. Doo doo doo doo doo doo. But on a real note, um, I feel like today's episode is let's just go ahead and name it out there. Um I don't want it to come off a certain way, but I would say small town clickiness, because I feel like it's just very like clicky here.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

I yeah, I definitely agree. It is a lot of like some people kind of are always like their own little burdens.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

You like either have to have a certain amount of like rich status, popular status, or some people are just like you're too much for me. Or I don't know, there's so many things. But you know, here I just feel like we could use more love, and I don't know if it's like that out there in the world either, you know, with certain people, but maybe just be more kind, be more thoughtful for the ones that do make it really hard to try and to get out there to make friends, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Like it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

I don't feel like everyone in the clique is that way. I just feel like there's people in the clique that make it like you can't trespass.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah, like no, these are my people. You can't come in here.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yeah, because some people in the cliques are really cool, but they just like they know it's clicky, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yeah, they just want to be in there because they like it though.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

True, true, true, very true. But I feel like today we're gonna be talking about that, you know, it doesn't get discussed like nearly enough. I feel like everybody just kind of accepts it. But the loneliness and isolation that can come with living in a small town is absolutely mind-blowing. I mean, like, before we begin, I just want to make something clear. Small towns can be wonderful places. That doesn't mean they're horrible, but they often offer close-knit comp like communities and familiar faces, lower crime rates, and a sense of belonging that larger cities sometimes lack, but it can also come with just very like it's judgy, judgy vibes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Oh yeah, that's why I haven't really gotten close to people much.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, I feel like that's something I've struggled a lot with. Um here. I feel like it's a lot in the south though, because when you like go to like I mean more north. More north, like everybody's just too busy to really care or like do anything. But here it's like so slow and everybody, not everybody, okay. Let me correct. There is a lot of people I love and have absolutely adored to make friendships and relationships with here in the south and as a small town, but we're not a small town anymore, and a lot of things are changing, so it has been a lot of positive vibes on that end, but it's just like kind of how we grew up. It was just very clicky, and if you didn't hang out with this person, you weren't allowed in the group, or you know, they kind of still bring that into our newer day.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yeah, I I know what you mean. I just I always had to say to myself though.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

I know you're such a loner, bro, in a good way. In a good way. I'm just weird. You're not weird. It's not weird to be a loner because I've kind of become that way since I've turned 30. But for many people, especially those struggling with like mental health though, you know, grief, life, transitions, or just simply being or feeling different, I mean, from those around them, and small town living can also feel incredibly isolating. And I mean, how do you I don't know, like I feel bad saying that because I just feel like it's something most people don't talk about around here.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, no, a lot of people don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

I feel like it's so common, and when I say everybody, I truly do not mean everybody, but it's just depends on the city that you're from, honestly, and where you are. But Bryant has grown so much.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yes. No, since we were in school, it was so different, but damn, it's been almost 15 years.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Yeah, I swear. Um, and if you've ever felt like have you ever felt that like stuck, unseen, misunderstood, or like you're just living the same day over and over. Yeah, I feel like if you've lived that in a small town, or even maybe big cities do it, we just don't know because we've never lived in one.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

But I'm not a big city gal. Yeah, I am not a big city gal.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Like small towns, like whenever it comes to like people just being like everybody can come together. Like, I love that vibe, but it's like when you really are like trying to get to know each other or you know, being more friendlier, that's when you start to learn when things are a little clicky-ish.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

That and you kind of just start noticing things, like to me, you just start noticing things they don't really vibe with you.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Yeah, yeah. In the South, you'll catch a lot of that. That's a fun thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

And usually I'm the one that kind of just doesn't want to be in that group.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

I mean, I get it because there's a lot of things. I've watched a lot of TikTok videos like today and yesterday about this Nolan Wells case. Um, you know, eventually we will cover it, but I really feel like we need to wait and find out some more information on it because there's just a lot of unknown right now. But you know, that's kind of like a small town vibe right there. Like obviously, it was from what you're hearing, allegedly, there was a lot of clickiness. Yes. And I we prey on everything that these parents can find some answers. And as a mom myself, I can only imagine that hurt the pain that they're going through. Yeah, like I she is a strong woman, that's all I gotta say. But okay, we're getting off topic. But um, that's just a reference. Like, you think about that's like a case that like you know, a lot of people are bringing up as a it's like a race thing in a way, and it's kind of like it's not at all compared the same, but you know, I guess in a way it's similar in aspects of people will click you out because of if you're not rich or if you're not party, like if you don't party, you know what I mean? Like that's kind of how it is, and it's kind of sad, you know. Like, what does small town transition even look like? Because when people think of loneliness, they often picture someone physically alone. But loneliness isn't always about being by yourself, sometimes loneliness is being surrounded by people and still feeling disconnected, and that's like a lot of the issues I have is a majority of the people that we grew up with, not all of them, some of them we don't really talk to, but a majority of the people that me and you grew up with are don't have kids still, or they are not like living a responsible life. I'm not saying anything bad, I'm just saying they are able to do freelanish stuff that we we can't in our current stage of life. Yes. Um and I feel like I don't know, I just feel like sometimes it's just a disconnect in a way, like you don't feel connected because there's not a lot of common factors between you and someone else. And in small towns, opportunities to meet new people can be very limited, also. So, like if you don't know the right person, a lot of people will not talk to you. And many social circles have existed for years, and that even dates back to freaking elementary for us.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Oh god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

I mean, we were so buoyed. Um, there may have heavily, yeah, heavily. There may not be many community activities, but I mean, I feel like our town has grown a lot for that, so they definitely do a lot more here now.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Oh, yeah, there's a lot more getting togethers and stuff now than there was then.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

And I mean, I feel like support groups are places to connect with people, you know, that share your interests, but I found a lot of genuine people here, like very genuine people, and then I've found a lot of people who, in a way, like, if you're not doing what they're doing, they won't speak to you. Yeah. So I don't know, that's just something I wanted to touch on because it's not often talked about in small towns, like how lonely it can feel or how like depleting it can feel. But isolation can really impact mental health in many ways we don't always recognize when we feel disconnected, our minds often start filling in the blanks, you know. Like we may begin thinking nobody understands me, nobody cares, I'll always feel this way, there's nothing to do here. Everyone has friends except me. And I mean, if I'm being real and raw here, there's been so many times. I mean, don't spite me for this, but like to all of our viewers, this is just being real. This is called the deadly tea, so we're just gonna be real. I have looked on social media and I have thought, man, like, why can't I be successful as this person? Or man, I wish I could be as pretty as this person. They've aged so well, or like, you know, like why don't I have the house like this person? Like a lot of our friends from back in the day, they're so like a lot of them are in good places now. Um, and not saying like everyone, but I'm just saying like people we were close to, I guess. Yeah. Um, but I mean acquaintances and stuff, obviously, they a lot of them are doing really well.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah, I've seen a lot of them doing really well. People going to their own um car dealership.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Yeah, it's so crazy. I mean, car dealership, uh realtors, actors, I mean, acquaintance-wise, or like people we weren't super close to, all of them I haven't seen one that's been honestly on the bad side. So I mean I mean, like, I'm saying successful-wise. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying some I know a couple that aren't doing probably too well, but well, I mean, I guess spill the tea, but uh don't spill it right here. No, oh, you're talking about that. Uh wait, which one? The one that we found out about, like the FBI investigation.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Oh yeah, but that that was that would have been four years like before us. What was his They were four years old?

SPEAKER_00 9:12

No, I can't do that. Yeah, she won't spill the tea, guys.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Uh I'll spell the tea his mom was uh a coach at our school. At our school.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Well, allegedly. Um over time, I mean, we'll just kind of get off that. But over time, these thoughts can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness. And when you're struggling mentally, isolation often becomes a cycle. You feel lonely, I mean, withdrew, isolated. I mean, you know, just because you withdrew, sometimes that can make you feel even lonelier. And before you know it, weeks or months have passed. And social media can honestly make it worse. It does for me. I notice when I don't get on it, I feel a lot more happier, and when I do get on it, I'm always I used well, I'm not as bad as it now. I've stopped comparing myself to people so much because I feel like everybody has their own beauty, but it doesn't mean I haven't often done that.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I feel like also just because you know we're struggling, I'm sure they're struggling in some type of way.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

But they just hide it so well. True. Because you're looking at it through social media.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Very true. I was gonna say one thing that can intensify small town loneliness is social media in a small town. Yes. Um, you know, just opening our phones and seeing people traveling, attending events, hanging out with friends, and seemingly just living their existing lives, I guess. But meanwhile, we're sitting at home wondering why our life feels so small. But I just want everyone to remember this. Social media is a highlight reel. You are comparing your everyday life to someone else's best moments, and people rarely post their loneliness, anxiety, grief, relationship struggles, or even mental health challenges. So, what you're asking, or I guess what you're seeing isn't the full picture, but what you're asking is to be more like them when you haven't even given yourself the best shot. Yeah. So, I mean, kind of backing up a little bit though, like, you know, just some examples of like a small town lonely social media vibe. Here, like, I don't know how many people that we grew up with that our friend requested, and they ignored you, they either did not add me, or if they I don't know, like if they did add me, they'd just be really weird on Facebook or like in a way of like very unsupportive. I don't know, it was just weird. But I think I remember what you're talking about. Yeah, there's been a few, a few, but I don't know. I don't know if it's just like people just obviously can move on, and that's not the issue at all. It's just how people can go about moving on. Either they do it in a nice, gentle, still loving way, or they can do it in the most petious way. Yes. So, I mean, it can go the way it goes, but um, you know, just try to remember to be nice to everybody and I mean be nice, but if people are mean to you, sometimes, like my therapist says, it's okay to be mean back because I'm trying to be more godlike, but it's not gonna work. But fuck them in a way, you know. Like, I just feel like um, not godlike. Let me rephrase that. Godly like, like godly like, yeah, like being more into knowing what isn't good for myself and what is, but um, signs of let's talk about that, signs of isolation and what may be affecting you. Here are some signs that isolation may be taking a toll on your mental health. Um, feeling disconnected from others, loss of motivation, increased anxiety, feeling emotionally numb, sleeping too much or too little, irritability, avoiding social situations, feeling like nobody would notice if you disappeared for a while, difficulty finding joy in the things you once loved.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Hold up, why don't you have to look at me like that? I yes, yes, you're over here naming off me, basically. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

I've been there too. Hey, I'm not gonna lie, like, there's a reason why I made this, because in true honesty, I've been the person that did judge, and I feel so horrible to this day, like to anyone I ever made them feel that way. Um, because it wasn't how I'm not gonna say it wasn't intentional because obviously I did it for a reason, but mine I never wanted to hurt anyone, and now I like it's just understandable at if you did hurt someone, there is consequences to hurting people. Yes. So I mean I've learned my lesson a lot on that though, and I would never want to make anyone feel that way. But you know, if this does sound similar uh similar to what you've been through, you're not alone, and many people experience this, especially during major life changes, grief, parenting seasons, caregiving responsibilities, or periods of burnout. And I feel like ways to overcome small town oscillation is now let's talk about some solutions. Um, not quick fixes, not magic answers, but practical ways to reconnect with yourself and others. I feel like one is stop waiting for someone to invite you. Like maybe just invite, well, not invite yourself, but like if they bring up, oh, I'm having a party and like the Saturday at you know, blah blah blah blah blah. But typically you would be like, Oh, I hope that you have fun, or you know, blah blah blah. Yeah. But you could be like, instead of that, be like, oh, I would like that, would be fun. That I would love to come to something like that. Like, yeah, throw yourself out there, you know, don't wait for them to invite you. I mean, obviously don't show up uninvited, but unless if you're just really bold, all you know, not gonna condone it, but I don't think I could do that. I don't think I could either. I'd be like, uh But I feel like um, you know, this one's kind of hard. Many of us wait for someone to call a text or invite us or just check on us first, you know. But connection often begins when we're just willing to take the first step, you know, send that text, ask someone for coffee, reach out. The worst outcome is usually a lot less scary than the loneliness we continue to carry. Honestly, that's so true too. Like, you know how many times I've had to put myself out there and be like, oh, would you like to come to this or would you like to come to that?

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Yeah, and then sometimes just get turned down.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Yeah, because I feel like uh, well, that, but sometimes you can make friends out of it. You just have to put yourself up because I feel like if me and you, like after all of our arguments, like we had to do something together and just reach out. I think it was me that reached out more because you were really bad at apologizing.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

I was um I can never take accountability for something. You've changed though, but I have changed, I have become I think we both did because I wasn't the best either. But um, we were both questionable, both of us.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

But I feel like we're the strongest than we've ever been. So so thankful.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

But I mean I've known you longer than I've known a man.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Um, I mean, but I feel like the internet isn't just for scrolling though. I feel like it's also full of communities, book clubs, support groups, you know, parenting groups, mental health communities, photography groups, podcast communities, and find people who just share interests and values with you. You know, connection doesn't always have to happen face to face to be meaningful. And I also feel like getting out of the house is super big because even if you don't feel like it, go for a walk, you know, visit a local coffee shop, take a drive, sit in the park. Sometimes changing your environment can help shift your mindset. You don't need a huge adventure, you just need movement. And even if, you know, per se you have like one of the fastest ways to feel connected, honestly, is just helping others. So volunteer, you know, volunteer at community events, you know, animal shelters, food pantries, youth programs, helping others often reminds us that we matter too, and building a life that we also enjoy. This may be the most important one, though, is sometimes we spend so much time wishing our environment would change that we forget to create joy where we are, you know, like take the class, start the hobby, launch the podcast, you know, learn photography, paint, garden, read, create, you know, your life doesn't have to be everything perfect, you know. It just try not to always wait until the right moment because I don't feel like anytime is the right moment. Um, I feel like they just have to go for it, man.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Yeah, oh definitely.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Go for life, man. That's what it's about. And you know, I just feel like a reminder for those people who are struggling. If you've been feeling isolated lately and want just want to feel better, you know, I just want you to hear this. Your life is not as small as it feels right now. Your world may feel limited, but it won't always feel that way. Connection can start with one conversation, one message, and one friendship, but also one decision to stop hiding. You deserve meaningful relationships, you deserve support, and you deserve a life that feels bigger than your current circumstances. Closing thoughts though. Living in a small town can sometimes make the world feel very small, but your possibilities are not limited by your zip code. There are people who understand you, and there are people who will appreciate you, and there are connections waiting to be made. The first step is believing they're possible. So, thank you for joining me and Amira for our mental health matters episode. If this conversation like resonated with you at all, share it with someone who may be feeling isolated too. And remember, sometimes the strongest thing you can do is reach out before loneliness convinces you to stay silent. Until next time. What do you say, Amira?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

See you later, alligator.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Oh my god. But yes, until next time, take care of yourself, be kind to others, and remember that even in the smallest towns, you're never truly alone. And I just want you guys to know that Amira is a gardening dog mom. So there's a reason why she's so silent this episode. She's been gardening a lot today, guys. But even just being here in the presence of the podcast is it's just the energy is flowing.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

A little bit of energy with a little bit of answers that I'm giving.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

I love them. I love them. But um, okay, guys, we love you, and we yeah, we love you, bros. Okay, TDT fans. I don't care how many you are, if it's one, two, three, whatever. But just remember we appreciate you and we love you.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Yes, we love you guys. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

And always feel free to reach out via socials. We love to hear from you guys. And see you later, alligators.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

After a while, crocodiles.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Do do do do do do do do.