Episode 48 | Rudy Vazquez | Hard Work, Culture, and Growing Up Fast

In Episode 48 of the Rain Brings Growth Podcast, I sit down with Rudy Vazquez, a barber at Goodfellas Barber Shop in Nampa, Idaho. This conversation is full of laughter, real stories, and hard truths about life, family, and growing up.

Rudy shares what life was like growing up working alongside his parents in the fields picking produce at a young age. Those early experiences shaped his work ethic and perspective on family, culture, and responsibility.

We also dive into Mexican culture and traditions, including Rudy’s honest take on how quinceañeras have changed over the years and why he feels the meaning behind them has shifted.

The episode gets real as Rudy talks about the trouble he got into growing up. From driving without privileges at 12 years old to breaking and entering during teenage beer runs, he reflects on the lessons those moments taught him and how they shaped the man he is today.

We also talk about fatherhood, the parenting moments that test us, and how becoming a dad changes your priorities and outlook on life.

This episode is packed with humor, humility, and honest reflection about where we come from and how we grow from it.

If you enjoy real conversations about fatherhood, culture, work ethic, and personal growth, this is an episode you don’t want to miss.

🎙️ Episode 48 of the Rain Brings Growth Podcast

Available now on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

SEO Keywords to Include in Tags

Rudy Vazquez
Goodfellas Barber Shop Nampa
Nampa Idaho barber
Rain Brings Growth Podcast
Barber life stories
Fatherhood podcast
Mexican culture discussion
Latino work ethic
Growing up working in fields
Life lessons podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Sick dude. Thanks for coming on, man.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Yeah, of course, huh? Of course. I had to do it.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Yeah. Dude, it's been uh what was it like I think I I came into your shop on Thanksgiving Day 2024, so a little over a year.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

What are we 26 now, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah. That's been more than a year, bro. Yeah. Like a year and a half.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's already March. Damn. That's crazy, dude. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

It's time flies, man. It's wild.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking about that the other day because a lot of people make their New Year's resolutions, you know, and it's like, dude, it's already March. Yeah. Like, that's crazy to think of that uh was that like 10 weeks, nine weeks already gone by. Yeah, dude. But uh, I know just between like talking with you in in your chair and just, you know, obviously we started working together for uh the fitness and stuff. You're cool dude, got some cool stories, and I was like, dude, let's hop on a podcast and appreciate it, bro. Get it going.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

That's cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Yeah. So let's just start back, dude. Where are you from?

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Uh I'm from uh I was actually I was born in Mexico. Oh, really? I was born in um Moralia Michoacán. Um I was supposed to be born in California. I was supposed to be born in um Riverside. That's the story I was told anyway. You know what I mean? Um but last minute, um my parents got a little crazy and decided let's go have them out in Mexico. And um so they had me out there and I came here. I was probably about three months old, I think. I still got my green card from that like a baby. And um they lived out in uh New Plymouth for I don't know man, forever, bro. Forever. I I moved out to to uh Ontario when I was so how old were you when you when I moved back to the States? Uh like three months. They literally just ran out there, had me, and then it came right back, dog. Just just doesn't make any go to Mexico or what? Doesn't make any sense. All my brothers and sisters, they're all born here. All born in Ontario. All citizens, dude. They just they decided to I because I was the firstborn son, I think it was my uh my father's idea. You know, he was like, you know what, I want him to be born where I was born. So they took me out there, had me, and then brought me back. And uh yeah, I was living out in uh in New Plymouth for that's where my childhood was was lived out there.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Yeah, yeah. And on uh New Plymouth, so what were you doing? What were you doing out there, man? I know you're telling me some crazy stories about in your teenage years, but earlier on, what was what was that like?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

It was cool, dog. It was honestly uh I see I see the climate the way it is now, like with our kids and stuff, man. And I would never I I I can't let my kids walk out the door without me. You know what I mean? Like I just can't fathom them walking down the street without me somewhere behind them to watch them, dog. And when I was growing up, that was the opposite, you know. It was see you later. You know what I mean? You wake up, eat your cereal, watch your cartoons, and then it's you're gone for the day, right? You're out riding bikes, jumping ramps, you know what I mean, playing hide and seek. Didn't come home until the uh the lights came on, right? The street lights. Yeah. Um, it was it was cool, bro. We used to walk to school every day. Um, I lived right across the street from the high school. There was a trailer park there. Um, and that's where all the Mexicans live, basically. You know what I mean? From the town. We all lived right there, and we would just walk to school, elementary school, middle school, all that. It was it was a safe town, bro. It was cool. It was safe, but you know, there was a lot of racism. You know what I mean? We would grow up in that. I I we had a gun uh or a cop pulled a gun on us one time. We were walking back from um middle school on our way home, and it was me and my two buddies. Um, and this cop just comes just whizzing by, phmm, and we're like, damn, that's crazy. We kept walking, man, and then he come, he turned back around, came out, and then just pulled up right in front of us, gun drawn. And uh we were just like, yo, like what do we do? We're walking home from school, and he said he got a report that some kids were jumping, some other kid or something, and he thought we fit the profile. So stupid, yeah, stupid ass incidents like that, you know what I mean? Kind of stuff grew up with. And then like my family dog day. Um, I come from a background of uh a lot of dope dealers, you know what I mean? Like that's that's what I saw growing up was just you know, people just dealing dope, man. And uh, yeah, they were on the shit list, bro. They were on there was one specific uh police officer. He was uh he was he they were on his shit list, man. So every time he saw me driving, I wasn't supposed to be driving, dog. I was like 12. You know what I mean? Like I would just take off in my in my in my whip. My my parents would be at work all day, so I'd take off and anytime he spot me, man. What kind of car was it? It was a 84 Z28 Camaro. It's my first car. Okay. Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

At 12 years old, you're driving that one.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Oh yeah. Oh, that's how I learned, dog. That was the one I learned. And it was just one day I just uh they were at work and I think it was spring break. I didn't have nothing to do, and I saw the keys, and I was like, shit, I want to learn how to drive. So I started driving myself around town, and I'd pick up my boys and we'd cruise around and shit. But then um, yeah, once once the cop you know caught on that I was driving around, he'd pull me over just to uh just to basically interrogate me about like where's your cousins? Where's your dad? You know what I mean? Like your family was kind of known then. Oh yeah, but by police officers for sure. For sure. He was he was on them, bro. He was he was itching, you know what I mean? He wanted to get him so bad, man. Yeah, and he uh he never got him. He never got him. He got me a bunch of times. Yeah, you know what I mean? He got me a bunch of times, but he never he never really got there, man. One of my uh one of my uncles got uh he got caught up by the feds. He got snitched on, and then he did he did some prison time. And what once that happened, everyone just split. All of a sudden I went from having a ton of family to no family. Was it kind of like a family business and then like the drug dealing or kind of thing?

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Like you guys were all working together, or not you guys.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

I didn't know too much of the ins and outs. Um, I can only tell you what I saw from the outside in, right? Yeah, yeah. Um, it seemed like it was just family shit. You know what I mean? Like all my cousins, uncles, you know, uh, I think my dad played a a small part in that. Um, yeah, they were all they were all in the in the business. Um, and I mean that's what I saw, you know. It looked like they kind of were all just working together. Um, along with other people from from that same town and stuff. Um that's kind of what it looked like to me. Um that never got I never really not never got involved with them as far as like their dealings and stuff. You know, I was I think I was too young. Um But definitely it it influenced uh kind of where I drove my life to go. You know what I mean? Yeah um at some point. I think uh that influenced me a lot. I just wanted to I want that that fast money, right? Like that hustle culture. Yeah, it was it just I don't know, man. It was something about I've been hustling my whole life, man. You know what I mean? Like we were working field jobs when we were I want to say like nine, like nine years old. My sister was I think 10 or 11. The first time we we uh started working field work, dog. Just like the onion fields out there and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the culture is different now, right? I mean, I don't see little kids doing it anymore. But when we were growing up, there were certain contractors that would take on, you know, and like my pops knew them, bro. And he would tell them, hey, I'm gonna bring my kids to work. And they'd be like, cool, you know, just do it this way. So we'd be out there working under other people's names.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and it was just, you know, we're this big dog with a big ass hat on. Mm-hmm. Trying to see no. Um What would you be doing? Everything, bro. Um we would work um oh what are they called? Uh the sugar beets. We'd work those and basically just um you uh you just to clean them up, basically, you take all the weeds, scrape all the weeds out from uh from the fields, um corn, uh potatoes, uh asparagus. Um my my least favorite man was zucchini, and to this day I don't I I won't even eat zucchini. That was my worst experience of my life, dog. When I was a kid. What's wrong with those? Oh man, bro. Uh so at that time, uh, it was just me and my mom working. My sister and brother, you know, they got they got a break, dog, in the mornings, right? They wake up, oh I'm tired, I'm tired, you know. Oh, it's cool.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Because they're ladies, sis your sister and mom, you said?

SPEAKER_01 8:56

No, no, no. My sister and my little brother would get a break, right? My mom would would because at this time, my dad was uh he was a firefighter for the BLM. Okay. So he'd be out on fires, and it would just be me and my mom going to to work and stuff. So um, yeah, and and we really don't we we worked it. My dad wouldn't even work the the the zucchini, bro. He just it was tough. It was tough, man. It was just you're bent over all day. Oh um, the zucchini, it has to be a certain size. Uh they give you a five-gallon bucket, and there's this tractor, man, and it's it's it's up quite a ways. And so basically you have to keep up with the tractor. And so you're carrying this five-gallon bucket. They dump it, give it back to you. Oh, geez. You fall behind, man, it's hot, you're sweating. Um, when you reach it, and like you have to have gloves because you it they they have like little um little needle things on them or whatever. Yeah, dogs. Scratch the shit out of you, bro. Mosquitoes. Yeah, even the leaves are bad. Yeah, yeah, no, it was it was it was dog shit. I remember uh I uh I faked I faked being sick that day. I made myself throw up, bro. Just poking my throat and just right. And my mom was like, You good? I'm like, nah, I feel sick, man. We take off, bro. And um, probably like 20 minutes up the road. She's like, How you feeling? And I was like, you know, I can go for a burrito right now. And she was just like, You like? I was like, Yeah, that sucks. I don't want to do that anymore. So just one of those things that was the worst one for me. But yeah, we did all kinds of field work, man. And it was good memories. It was a lot of good memories, it was a lot of shitty memories, but did you guys get some money out of it or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically, the way my dad was structured was he takes a check. We get a check. You know what I mean? And for him, it was always, oh, we're going to Mexico later on this year. I'm gonna save that money and you can spend it over there. We never signed a dime, you know what I mean? Um, sometimes you the way it worked back then though was like sometimes, and I think even nowadays I hear some whisperings of it. These contractors, bro, they um because a lot of it's not on the up and up, right? A lot of a lot a lot of the workers are undocumented or um, like in our case, we were children, right? They won't pay you sometimes for a month or two. You know what I mean? That just you come get your check, oh next time. Come get your check again, you know, another two weeks later, oh next time. And you sit there like, what the fuck's going on? Really? They're just taking advantage of it because. Yeah, yeah, but what are you gonna do? And who are you gonna call? You know what I'm saying? Um, so there was times when there was times like that, man, we would just be beaten down just a month and a half waiting for a check, you know. And we're little kids, though, we're nine, ten years old. So, you know, back then it was I think we were getting paid like four, like$4.25 an hour or something like that, be out in the field all day. Dog a hundred dollar check was dope back then. You know what I mean? Back then I was like, I got a hundred dollars? Hell yeah. I'd never seen I'd never rubbed two dollars together before that, you know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and he would just he'd pick he'd pick whatever check was the biggest and be like, all right, here, you can have this little one. You know what I mean? So we got money out of it. We used to, we would, we bought our own um school supplies. Bought our school supplies. Um, my little brother, he wasn't old enough to work in the fields yet when our first year. So um me and my sister would pitch in and buy him his school supplies and school clothes, shoes, all that. We covered all that. Our parents didn't have to cover that. This is a nine-year-old kid, bro, nine, ten-year-old kids buying their own school clothes. You know what I mean? Like, that's how I was raised. So I've I I was raised a hustler. Like that's one thing I'll give to my father, right? Um, that's about the only thing I give to him. Uh, is uh, you know, he raised me to be a hustler, bro, and a hard worker. I've always distinguished myself as a hard worker. I I walk in a room and I always feel like I have to be the hardest worker. You know what I mean? I don't care about being the smartest, I just have to work the hardest. It's like it's like I don't know, like I gotta prove myself everywhere I go. You know what I mean? It's that mentality that he kind of just bred into me from childhood, bro. It's just like you have to work harder. And those those those lessons came with some kind of cost, you know what I'm saying? Like it was um I remember when I was a kid, bro. This is this is six maybe five, maybe six years old. Might have been five because I don't think I was going to school yet. But um, we used to work in the orchards. My dad was a field worker, dog. That that's that's how the whole uh Idaho, California thing happened. My parents, when they met, um they they were seasonal workers, so they would be in Cali, stay there for a season, and then head out here to call to not to Caldwell to um to Plymouth, do seasonal work, and then head back, right? So it was always orchards. Um California, like in our winter time then. I believe so. I believe so. I think it was like grapes or some shit. Oh, I really never never asked too much. It was just the stories that I got. Um but he did a lot of that shit, bro. And so he would take me everywhere um with him. And so when when we were when we were doing uh, I think it was oh it was Apple. We were picking apples. Um my uh my uncle rest in peace his soul. Um my uncle was working out there and uh my dad was a uh tractor driver. And so he'd um he'd pull up and be like here, uh he'd drop me off and he would tell my my uncle, you know, he have him help you. And he would give me this little fucking little uh shoulder carrier for the fucking fruit. And um fucker always tell me, um if you don't do as many pounds as your uncle does, by the end of the day, because that's how you did it right. I mean, you filled a bucket, you went, weighed it, and then you dumped that bitch. Um But he said if if you don't do as many pounds as him, I'm gonna beat your ass. You know what I mean? So that's running through your mind all day. Like, damn, I don't wanna because he was vicious, dog. He was he was he was a uh house Hitler, bro. Really? He was rough, dog. He was he didn't he would whoop your ass, dog, and smile about it. You know what I mean? So it was one of those things where I had to be on point, dog. I had to be on point every day. Just like I have to, and my uncle would be like, no, no, no, he's good, he he did his work or whatever, you know. But that that always taught me just to hustle hard, bro. Just you're gonna do it, just balls out, you know what I mean? Because at the end of the day, um, get it done or you get your ass handed to you, kind of thing, you know?

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Yeah, is that how your dad grew up then, like in his family? Like his dad was pretty rough.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

That one thing was really rough. Uh he never met his dad. Um from from what I'm told, you know? Yeah. He never met his father. He uh he died when he was a baby. Um he was actually so he named me after him. Um and he was actually the second one of his namesake in his family. He had an older brother, there was 14 of them, I believe. He had an older brother that had got that died with that name, and so they ended up naming him after his your dad has 14 siblings. 13 siblings. Yeah, yeah, okay. God dang. Yeah. Um, yeah, and he was so he was the he was the the baby. Okay. And he uh he got he got treated like shit. He told me some stories growing up, right? I overheard really, not really so much him telling me, but me overhearing um the conversations of I think more stories than my mom told me, you know what I mean? Um of just the the absolute just beatdowns that they would give this kid, bro. It was and it was his older brother, man, who just would uh would make him fight kids, and if he lost, he would whoop the shit out of him, dog. Um there was one instance where he beat he kicked him so bad um that he uh he uh he was uh bedridden for I think it was like two weeks. Oh just kicked the shit out of my dad, bro. Just a little kid, because he he lost a fight or some shit. You know what I mean? So he grew up, man. It was it was tough. They wouldn't let him eat the table, I believe, because he chewed with his mouth open. So they were like, you can't eat at our fucking table, homie. You gotta go over there and eat on the floor and shit. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, he he was treated like shit, bro. He was treated like shit, you know, and it's one of those things where we talked about you hurt people, hurt people. You know what I mean? Exactly. And so what he did is he I think he just he just continued that um as um as he had children. You know what I mean? He just kept I don't know what it was, man, that he just I think it was a loss of control as a child, you know, that drove him to have control over everything. Yeah. And uh yeah, he was a fucking tyrant, man. He was a hell of a tyrant, bro. Hell of a tyrant. We had a name for the ass whoopings we'd get every day. I mean, call them daily butazos, you know what I mean? Because we knew it was it was coming. It was just how do we minimize the ass whooping? You know what I mean? Right. So yeah, we got used to it at you know, at some point. We just got used to it, dog. Like anything else, you know, you beat a dog enough, he grows numb to it. Yeah, shit. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 18:01

So you guys went to Mexico pretty often then, every year?

SPEAKER_01 18:04

We did uh we did go every year, and that for that, but that was what I think we did that like maybe four or five years in a row. And then after that, um was that like the real parts of Mexico, not like the touristy parts? Right, the real parts, like where my uh my mom, my mom's from uh Tepic Nayarit, right? Um and so they her whole family's out there. My dad doesn't really have I mean he has his brothers and sisters, but it's a very dysfunctional family. Um his mom passed away, rest in peace, uh my grandmother's soul. Um, like I said, his dad was dead. Um all his most of his brothers were out here. He has sisters out there, but they don't see eye to eye. So we didn't really we visited a few times um where he was from, where I was born, in Morelia. Beautiful place, man. Um have great memories of of our visit out there, but for the most part, we would stay where my mom's family was, and uh they built a house out there. And yeah, we I mean we would live just like them, but we because we'd go out there for I always say this, I in my head it always felt like three or four months. And I always say it thought three or four months, but my mom tells me it was like a month, month and a half. It's like the hell no, dog. It just because it feels different, dog. You get there and there's this period of I don't know anyone. You know what I mean? It's like a good good week or two. The good thing is I had enough sisters or uh brother and sister to kind of keep keep each other busy, right? But then we made friends and then and then you start to just live in life like them out there, you know. You guys go and you guys go to the same supermarket or you go to the same events, you know, you really become part of the community, and then hey, we're leaving. You know what I mean? So it was one of those things too. I think um I and I think that helped us adapt a lot in life was um kind of just disturbing the the growth that we and then you're out. Yeah what I mean? Because at that point, then it's like I just made these friends, now I gotta mourn my friends and go back to you know, back to America. It's just the the living is so much different, bro. I mean, even just like as soon as you cross the border, you just the smells and the scent the the the sense you get it you feel like you just cross the border. It it's a weird feeling, dog. I haven't been there in forever, but I just remember those feelings when I was a kid, man. And uh yeah, we'd go out there, man. We'd we'd we'd vacation for a good while, dude. We'd you know, go out to beaches and um we went out there one year for uh my sister's quinceaneta. And I remember it because the blowout of the century, dog. I think um I think my parents saved up I don't know, man, it was tens of thousands. I think it was like I think they spent like 30 grand. Yeah, quince was going crazy on quincenita, bro. It was it was wild, bro. It was wild, dog. It was it was crazy, man. It was it it was uh it was a good time. It was a good time. Uh I think all our important things, most of them we did out there, like 15 years was out there. Um, our first communion was out there. There was baptisms out there. I mean, we did all, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, we we we did it up when we went out there, man, two or three months at a time.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Why are Kincenero so so important? Or like they they're just such a big thing. What is it?

SPEAKER_01 21:26

I'm glad you said that, bro. I'm glad you said that because I have differing thoughts, right? And I know I'm gonna get a lot of shit from from my my paisanos and and uh you know those who whatever, but fuck y'all. I was born there, I'm more Mexican than you. Kick rocks. Um I don't get it. It really the way I see it, bro, it's a it's a it's a dick measuring contest between the parents of of the quineta and everyone else. Plain and simple. You know what I mean? Like as a man now, I don't I don't understand the The reason behind a lavish quincene. And you need to buy all these dresses and you need to invite all these fucking people. Right? You're spending 10, 15 minimum thousand for a night.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

And that's what turning 15, right? You turning 15. Yeah. You're a kid still. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like that I see things different myself, man.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

And um is in Mexico, like, is turning 15 like more valued than it is in America? Like, is there a bigger significance of turning 15?

SPEAKER_01 22:31

I think at one point it was. It's it's the same shit. It's a child, dog. Yeah. You know, but I think at one point it was celebrating a woman's or uh a young girl's um womanhood, right? Coming into womanhood. 15's too early myself, but yeah, that's the culture, right? Right. Um, and I think it started as something beautiful. Let's celebrate her, right? But I think it just became a peasant contest, man, of people just spending a shit ton of money that they don't have, right? Because a lot of what I see now, like when I was growing up, you did a quintanena, you paid for most of that shit, right? There's certain things you get like uh godfathers for, right? Paderinos. And there's certain things like the cake, you get a padrino for the cake. Um, there's there's jewelry exchange, you get someone to do that, right? And so she has certain padrinos for that. Nowadays, dog, they have people ask paderinos for everything, right? I've been asked so many times um if I wanted to contribute to be a padrino. Oh, well, you can put money for this or for that, or for you know what I'm saying? Like it's just it's it's uh nowadays people throw them. That's pretty much like an investor. Pretty much, dog, but like yeah, invest in what? A 15-year-old riding a horse? What are we talking about here? Yeah, you know what I mean? I I I don't know. I don't I I don't get it. I don't get the pissing contest. What's the craziest one you've been to? My sister's. Oh really? Oh, it was wild, dog. It was crazy, bro. It was crazy. It was uh they they they rented a whole country club. Oh shit. A whole country club, dog, in um in Mexico, yeah. Yeah, and my dad had um uh bottles by the cases coming. Oh and he was just every table got bottles. Hundreds of people there, yeah. This is it you you see you see shit when you throw events like this, man. You see you see some wild shit, bro, and you really start noticing people's just how do I put it, man? Just the the dog shit, bro. Like, there was people, people my family dog, like my extended family members, aunts, uncles, and shit, they were grabbing bottles and just like putting them in their bags and shit, and then calling party favors or whatever. Yeah, and then calling the waiter over, hey uh we didn't get a bottle. Oh they bring another bottle and so they're just pocketing shit. You see, uh, you see people uh pulling out like Tupperware and just fucking it's wild, dog. I'm just like, what are you doing, bro? You're in the middle of a party, just eat what you're gonna eat, drink what you're gonna drink, and get the fuck out, you know? Yeah, it's wild, dog, but no, I mean I I I don't I don't get it, dog. It's it's uh you know, you gotta show off. And if you got the money, more fucking power to you, right? If you got the money and you want to throw your baby girl a lavish thing, more power to you, homie. That's dope. I just nowadays it becomes some ridiculous shit where I think parents feel like they have to, and they feel like they have to keep up with the Joneses type shit.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

You know what I'm saying? Is it the parents more wanting it than even the the daughters?

SPEAKER_01 25:32

I feel like a lot of it is, bro, and I feel like a lot of when it is the kid, the kid is feeding off of the mom and the and the dad, right? And look, my daughter's 15. She's about to turn 16. I didn't do a quinceaña.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Yeah. Um, do they do people look at you differently because you don't do that for your daughter?

SPEAKER_01 25:52

I definitely got a lot of shit, bro. I definitely got but here's the thing uh financially, I couldn't afford that shit. But beyond that, even if I could, I wouldn't have done it. And this I and I've explained this to her, and we've talked about this, and she was she was like, I'm good, I don't need one, right? Um, you're romantic, and this is my point of view. Again, I'm just gonna put this is my point of view. Yeah, you have your own, everyone has their own, right? But in my point of view, I'm not romanticizing the age of 15 to my daughter, right? It's the same thing the movies do to women with romanticizing men, right? We're not that guy, right? I I do my best to prepare my children for the world at hand. Not fake it till you make it type shit, you know? It doesn't work, man. Um, I I uh and I get shit a lot for it. You know, I get a lot of shit for it. Like when I said I wasn't doing a kinted, even my mom was like, you have to, and uh it made me honestly, it made me fucking angry every time somebody told me I had to. I'm a defiant person, dog. If you tell me I have to, I'm gonna be like, do I? Yeah, you know what I mean? So I was like, I don't have to do a fucking thing, homie. I'm not I'm not showing her that you're a fucking princess, right? She knows she's my princess, but I'm not giving her a world that is never gonna exist. Yeah, I need to prepare you for the world that's coming. You know what I mean? Same thing with my son, dude. I get a lot of shit for how rough. I guess rough I am with my kid, right? I love my child, dog. Anyone that knows me and has seen me interact with my kids, they know I fucking love my kids. I'm a helicopter parent, right? I have to make sure they're 100% all the time, man. Um, but I that doesn't mean I shield them from shit. You know what I mean? They get they get they get it. Um, how the world's gonna give it to them. And you know, I've been told a lot. Just take it easy on him, you know? Like he's learning, and I'm like, I get that. But I'm trying to get my son ready for a world that doesn't care about men. Yep. And that's the sad truth. No one gives a shit when your stomach hurts. No one gives a shit when your heart hurts. You know what I'm saying? No one gives a shit when you're internally combusting, right? Or or you're fried. No one cares. You have to get the fuck up, you have to show up every day and get that shit done.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Grieve, cry, wince on your own fucking time. Because this world doesn't give a fuck about a man. Right? It's different because if a woman cries, everyone will come over. Are you okay? Is everything okay? A man cries, and 90% of people are gonna go, fuck up, dude. Yeah, you better fucking strap it up, homes. What's wrong with you? Right, and that's the world, dog, and that's why I try to I try to get my kids ready for that shit. You know what I mean? My son's a very emotional kid, dog. Very emotional. I didn't I get it. I'm I'm I'm an emotional person myself, you know. Um, I've learned it to you know, get those emotions in check, but very emotional person. His mom uh is an uh emotional person. Um so he gets it from her, bro. And um there's just those times where I've had to tell him, hey man, time to sack up, homie. You know what I mean? Get your shit together, dog. Yeah, you know what I mean? Um like I told you about the time uh he got in trouble at school, right? Uh I'm not sure. Okay. Um so this was probably like maybe three months after I moved him out here to to Nampa to the school district, and uh I pick him up from a school dog at the at the at the bus stop, and we're walking back and he starts telling me um he said I did something today. I said, What's up? And he had been telling me like you know, I think maybe for weeks before that, that some kid was messing with him at school. I kept messing with him. So I was telling him, okay, well, punch him in the fucking face, right? He's like, Well, I don't want to get in trouble.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

I don't give a fuck about you getting in trouble, homie.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

You know what I'm saying? Like, stand your ground, dog. Stop stop blaming people walk all over you. That's it. Punch him in the face or walk the fuck away, son. You choose, right? You can there's two courses of action. You punch this motherfucker in the face, and hopefully he leaves you alone and learns his lesson. Or you walk away and you realize I'm not fucking with this dude, I'm not giving him the time of day. He's not gonna cost me my piece. I'm out, right? And you avoid him. Yeah, pick one. But this complaining every day, this shit doesn't fly. You think I want to hear this shit when I get home? I don't want to hear it, dog. The world doesn't want to hear this shit, right? I'm sorry that this shit, but you know, there's two options, buddy. Yeah, handle your shit. Yeah, all right, dad. And just day after day, and this day he comes. I did something, I said, What's up? He said, This kid was fucking with me at school today. And I was like, okay. And he's all he's like, and I just, you know, I kinda I've had it with him, and I was like, okay, all right. And we're walking, we're walking home. And he goes, um, and I says something on the bus to one of my friends. And I was like, okay. This is where he gets emotional, dog. And he's just it's the hard breath every time, every time he talks to me and he goes, I'm like, shit, what's coming next, right? I was like, arm it's up, buddy. And he's um um and he's just his voice is cracking, and I was like, something's going on here, dog, right? And I just I don't know why I said it, but I said, I said, just tell me, bud. Like, what's wrong? What's going on? And he's like, um, I was like, you can tell me, dude. Like, I'm not you're not gonna get in trouble by me, right? I mean, what'd you do? Like, threaten to stab the kid or something. Yeah. And I laughed, right? And I was like, ah, my daughter laughed. And he goes, he looks up at me, dog, and he goes, I said, What the fuck, son? What do you mean? He said, I was on the bus and I was talking to my friend, and I told him, Oh, he makes me so angry, uh, that the kid makes me so angry. Um, he wanted to pull a knife out on him or something like that. And I was like, What? Why would you say that, dog? And he's like, I don't know. And I was like, Dog, I was like, babe, buddy, don't ever say that again. You don't say that kind of stuff, man. That's somebody's child. Yeah, you don't say that, yeah, right? I get you frustrated. You don't say that shit, homie. You just don't. That's just not cool, right? Like I said, fight him or walk away. One or the other, but don't be threatening. I was like, you think that kid is gonna go home and not tell his mom? You're gonna get yourself in trouble. Stop talking like that. Alright? Yeah, don't say that shit, dude. You're gonna get in trouble. He's gonna go home, he's gonna tell his mom, and you're gonna get in some shit. He's like, Alright, dad, I won't say it anymore. I was like, Cool, man, don't say shit, bro. Just chill out. You get home, he goes into the room. I get a phone call like five minutes later. Uh, vice principal. I think it was vice principal or superintendent, something like that, dog. And I was like, Yeah? Are you Aiden's uh dad? And I was like, Yeah. Okay, I'm glad I got a hold of you. It was like it was 5:30, right? So school's closed. And she's like, uh, there was an incident that happened on the bus. And I was like, this motherfucker. And the so the kid had snitched on him, bro. His homie had snitched on him, like I told him he was going to, right? And so she's like, you know, we need to we need to have him come in for an evaluation to see if he's a threat at school. And I'm like, my kid is anything but a like, he's the sweetest kid in the world, you know what I mean? He just chose his words wrong. And I was like, of course, for sure. Like, we'll be there tomorrow. She's like, I need you to come with me. And I was like, for sure, I'll be there with him. No problem. I decided uh to to scare the shit out of him, dog. Because when I was growing up, nobody fucking I'd never gotten like in deep shit like that, bro. Like the deep shit came later on in life, right? I didn't want that for him, bro. I don't want him to be a teenager and be doing stupid shit where he can catch a little bit of time, right? Because by then, it's it's you know, if you don't have a consequence before that, you're you're bound to just do that shit, and then you what you throw away your life. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna hand him his ass on this one. I'm gonna I'm gonna really, you know, I I always tell him I'm gonna I'm gonna make you live that life, right? And uh so I go to his room, dog. He's eating a fucking sandwich in his room. He never eats in his room, dog. He just was like, man, I think he was in the thinking, like, shit, I shouldn't have said that, right? And opened the door, and I was like, first thing that came out of my mouth, dog, was you're fucked, homie. And he's like, What? I was like, You're fucking, you know, your vice principal just called me. You're fucked. And he just immediately breaks down and starts crying, bro. Breaks down and starts crying. And I was like, What are you crying for now? Try to man up, homie. You want to say some some wild shit, right? You want to be wild, you wanna be crazy, you wanna say some wild shit, right? Now you're gonna live that life, homie. Now you're gonna and man the fuck up. Man your ass up. And he dropped on the floor, dog. No, dad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And um, and uh, I remember I picked him up. I grabbed him by the fucking collar and I picked him up and I was like, get your ass up, homie. Get up. You wanted to say some man shit. Now it's time to man the fuck up. Now I need you to man up. Stop crying, and you're gonna man the fuck up. You're gonna we're gonna go in there tomorrow. You're gonna face the music, and whatever comes, you're gonna take that shit like a man. And I don't want tears, I don't want any crying, I don't want nothing but you to man the fuck up. Because you think you can be here saying some wild shit. You think you can sit there, you can threaten somebody else's child, homie. How do you think I would feel if somebody was threatening you? Right? I was like, you don't make empty threats like that. That's that's just not cool, and now you gotta buck the fuck up. Right? And I was like, so I don't know what to tell you, kid, but you're gonna man the fuck up today. And I closed the door and I left, dog, and I remember I was out in the living room. Actually, this is I was drinking at the time. I remember going outside, man, and I must have gone through three or four 16-ounce cans, right? Just stressing, bro, smoking, feeling like a failure. Right? Just like fuck man, I I worked so hard to to give them everything I never had, right? Um financially and and and just being there, like, you know what I mean? Like as a father, bro, something I never had, some shit, you know, like I I worked very hard, and I'm just like, I'm I'm I'm failing my kid, bro. You know, I think and I think we've all had that moment of like, fuck. How did I fail my kid? You know? Bog of my fuck. I was like, what could I have done different? Right. And I was just like, you know, I talked to my girl and she was like, You're doing great. This shit happens, it's gonna happen. It is what it is. It's gonna be fine, baby. We'll make it. And I was just like, fuck, man. I let him stew for like probably like a good two hours, dog. And he's in there crying, crying. He thinks he's going to juvie. This motherfucker that he thought he was going to juvie, you know, because I told him, I was like, You can call the cops in your ass. It's over, homie. You know, I wanted to push that as far as I could, without like breaking him, of course. But I wanted to instill that fear so that he would never forget it, and so that he would make better choices, right? Because I I didn't do I I when I had no fear, oh I was doing crazy shit. I was whatever, dog, you know. Once that fear caught up with me, right? Once that, once that, you know, oh fuck, I'm arrested. Shit, I got caught. You know what I mean? Once those fears like became a reality. Became a reality, and then so I was like, I'm I better get it together. You know what I mean? Um so after a couple hours, I go in there, dog, and he's just like, he's just laying, dude. He's just he's broken, right? He's just sad, man. And I sat down with him and I was like, you know what you did was wrong, right, son? And he's like, Yeah, I shouldn't have done that, dad. I don't know what I was thinking, and I was like, sometimes, you know, your mouth gets the better at you. You say some shit you don't mean, right? I was like, but you gotta understand, man. Like, you you can't make threats like that, dog. You can't do that shit. Right? Um, and beyond, you know, it's somebody's child, man. You have to understand that. Like, how would you feel if somebody did that and they threaten you? Right. How would you feel about that? And he's like, it'd be scary. And I was like, exactly, homie. Exactly. You don't make threats like that. Right? It's just that's not that's not it. That's not the man that I'm raising you to be, right? And that's why it's important for you to to face the music and man the fuck up. And he's like, I will, dad. And I was like, I don't want no crying though. I want you to like man the fuck up. And he's like, I will. And I was like, I told him, I was like, just remember, I didn't have anybody when I was your age to to man the fuck up with me. Right? But I got you. Whatever fucking whatever road this takes us to, understand that you're not alone. I'm right there with you, dog. Me and you were gonna ride this motherfucker till the wheels fall off. I'm right with you, alright? And he's like, Thank you, Dad. I was like, of course. Now get some sleep. Because we got a fucking therapist to see in the morning. We go to sleep, dog. This is the funniest part. Woke up in the morning, I get ready. I feel like I'm getting ready for court, dog. Right? I'm in the room and I'm like, man, fucking, why do I feel like I'm going to court? You know what I mean? And I come out to the living room. Usually I gotta go, I gotta go. I wake him up and tell him, hey, get ready. I come out, he's ready, dog. He's sitting on the edge of the couch and he's just just sadness on his face, dog. And I was like, Are you ready, son? Yeah, right. I was like, all right, let's get out of here. We pop up, he goes to open the door, dog, and he turns around, he looks at our dog. And he goes, This is a funny shit. He goes, he goes, Goodbye, Trey, in case I never see you again. This fool thought he was going to fucking juvie, dog. And uh we walked out the door. I thought he said that shit, and he walked out, and I thought it was the funniest shit in the world. And for a second, I was gonna go, bud, it's not that deep. You're not going to juvie, right? It's gonna be fine, we'll figure this out. But in my head, I was like, nah, I want you to sit in that fucking fear. I want you to learn the hardest lesson because this might be the the only time I get a chance to teach you a lesson. You know what I mean? And this is an important one. This is some you can't say some wild shit like that. People die from this shit. You know, there's been massacres over shit like this, you know, and and I won't have you be another fucking asshole in this world. You know, I I want them to bring light, not fear, you know. So I was like, I want him to sit in that fear. I want him to understand what that feels like so he knows if he ever causes fear to someone, exactly what they're going through. So maybe he'll think fucking twice, right? We get in the car, drive out there, I pull up, I looked at him, and I was like, Are you ready for this? He said, Yeah. And I was like, just remember, we're doing this together, right? Hand in hand, bud. Alright, we're gonna walk this fucking path and we're gonna take it till the wheels fall off. We're doing this together. I got your back. Thank you, Dad. Ready? Yeah, we jump out the car, we go in there. Let's sit us down, dog. And I'm sitting down with her, like across from me, like you. He's sitting over there on the couch. Now, across the room, she has this uh this shelf with um with a bunch of fidget spinners and he's huge in uh um Rubik's Cubes. Who's got a Rubik's Cube over there, and she's me and her talking, and she sees him looking, she's all you can play with them if you want. So he gets up, he goes and grabs a Rubik's Cube, bro. He's just you know how they do it like fast dog, which is just moving and shit, right? He's doing his thing, and she goes, Um, is it okay if I talk to him now? Because she just asked me, like, he's you know, is there weapons in the home? And I was like, Well, we don't own weapons, right? Like the only knives we have are kitchen knives. There's no pocket knives there, there's no guns. We don't do any. I don't I don't conduct myself like that. You know, like my kids know if if you're getting into it, these hands are gonna bring you in, they're gonna and they're gonna bring you out. You know what I mean? That's it. Like, we don't I don't condone using weapons or anything like that. Like, I don't even let them talk wild like that at home, which is what drove me crazy, bro. And um, she's like, Oh, is it cool if I talk to him? I was like, Yeah. Wildest shit in the world, dog. She talks to him, and she goes, Hey, you know why you're here today? He goes, Yeah, I know why I'm here. And he to his credit, though, he manned the fuck up, and I was so proud of him. Um, no tears in his eyes, no no, you know, no um crack in his voice, dog. Just matter of fact. Just yeah, I know why I'm here. I said this, this is what happened. I said this, I said it to this person. He said, I didn't mean what I said, I just said it. And I'm I'm truly sorry. I I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings or threaten anyone or make anyone feel any way. You know, that's that's me. I'm ready to take whatever comes my way. Like a like a fucking man, he said this, bro. And uh made me so fucking proud of him. And she's like, she was asking him, like, okay, so what did you mean by what you said though, right? She's delving a little bit. I shit you not, this motherfucker, dog. He's this whole time he's just got this rubiscube, he's just going, he's going nuts, dog. And uh she goes, Why don't you explain to me a little bit? This motherfucker looks at her and he goes, So he goes, and then he puts it down for a second and he does this thing where he goes, Have you oh he's You know, he said, um, do you know what intrusive thoughts are? And uh and I'm just sitting there, but I'm I'm she's there, he's there, and I'm just sitting in the middle, like I'm not talking to this kid, right? He goes, you know, do you know what intrusive thoughts are? And I looked all right at her and she looks at me and I was like, Talk to him. I don't know, I don't know what the I don't know what's going on here. And he goes, she goes, Yeah, I know what the truth of thoughts are. He goes, So. And he's going with the cube, dude. And he's like, I was having some intrusive thoughts, and I kind of just let him, you know, I just I said them. I didn't mean them. I'm sorry, but I said them. And and whatever I have to do, I'll do it to make it right, you know. Whatever he has a conversation. I'm sitting there like, intrusive thoughts, this motherfucker. You heard what I mean? Like, I would have never fucking thought of that shit, dog. And um, she looks at me and she goes, He's a great kid. And I was like, I know. This is why it's so wild to me that this is going on, right? And she's like, I don't, you know, he looks like he's remorseful. I don't think he's gonna, he's a serious threat, right? If he does it again, obviously we have a problem. And I was like, he won't. I promise you. He's learned his lesson, whatever. I think it was like two months after that. He got student of the week. And he's gotten it like three or four times since. He uh he's on the uh the leadership committee of his school, right? I mean he he learned a huge lesson from it, dog. You know what I mean? But that's I mean, I ha that's why all that to say, you know, uh with the Quintaneta thing, dude. I uh I'm not romanticizing a lifestyle that my daughter's I hope she lives one day, but she's not going to it in a you know, I I don't want her to value one night like that, bro. You know what I mean? Like I don't want her to put monetary value on her life or her celebration.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

You know? Um, I think that's why uh a lot of the things I do, bro. I don't do a lot of the big vacations, expensive vacations. Not not only because financially I can't afford that shit yet, right? But for me, it's I think it's for me, it's more important to do things where we spend more time together, as opposed to events, right? Yeah. Um so I I want them to value life more than than what a lot of people value it. You know what I mean? Like uh for a lot of people, life is about how much money I make and what I can do with it. And I don't want their life to be like that, right? I want them to to live for experiences, to live for memories and and and time spent with those that you love. You know what I mean? And um the quinta thing was just never never gonna happen, man. It was just I'm not in a pissing contest with anyone. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, right? You know, I don't have to prove my daughter to my daughter how much I love her by spending ten thousand dollars. And if I did, mind you, if I did, I'm not doing a quinta, I'm not paying for all these motherfuckers to party on her birthday. Yeah, I'm gonna take those 10 grand, I'm gonna buy her a whip, and then I'm gonna take her on a fucking vacation.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

But we can make some memories. You know what I mean? Like it just it it it and it's it's a culture thing, right? They say it's a culture thing um in our Mexican culture. I feel like it's not a culture thing anymore, bro. It's just you know, dick measuring. So I see, bro. I see every every time I go to one, it's just it's a dick measuring. Can you outdo him? Can he outdo you? You know what I mean? Yeah, I just I don't get it. And then you're feeding a bunch of people. Usually you end up with like a hundred people more than what you invited because people let it slip, and then all of a sudden now you got people that you don't know in here eating all the food, drinking all the alcohol, starting some bullshit. If we're celebrating my daughter, why's everyone fucking drunk? Yeah, you know what I mean? Why are you acting like assholes on the dance floor? Mm-hmm. No, I'm I'm not given that opportunity. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I I I don't understand the kinza thing, but yeah. Anyways, backtracking 30 grand.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

That's crazy, dude.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Crazy as shit. Crazy as shit. You know what the crazy two weeks later was my birthday. And I asked for a little birthday party, dog. I got uh two 24 packs of soda, and they were like, There you go. And I was like, the fuck? You can just get 30 grand on my sister. I get two racks of soda. I invited some friends to the house, and their moms made me food. They were like, I'll I'll put some food in, whatever. And I was like, You fuckers, you know, like dad, you couldn't even buy us food. Yeah, you fucking dick. Yeah, yeah, dog, but it was Mexico was interesting, it was good times, man. I learned a lot.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

And uh it was dope. So was it later in when in their like teenage years when you started getting into like some trouble then?

SPEAKER_01 48:42

Fuck yeah, bro. Uh actually I had my I had my first beer when I was I want to say 10. I'm gonna say 10. We're in Mexico, dog. We're out there and one of my homies, uh, his uncle was like, hey, um, go down to the store and uh grab me a sixer. Um so we go down to the store, we get a sixer. Uh he had told his uh nephew, hey, um, you guys can have one each if you want on the way back, but that's it. Way back, he's like, you want one? And I was like, plug it, right? Crack that shit. We and I remember just the feeling of a buzz. I never felt that before. I was like, yo, I fucking like this feeling. You know what I mean? It felt good. It's the first time I cracked on I Yeah, I didn't immediately start drinking after that, right? But but um that definitely sparked something, dog, you know. Um, but yeah, I mean when I started getting in trouble, serious trouble, I kind of got in a little bit of trouble when I was younger, like in uh middle school. Um, I used to hustle uh Mexican candy out of my locker, bro. So I'm my my uncle rests in peace and so he had a uh a little uh uh little shop at um um what do you guys call him, man? Swap meet. It was like a swap meet. Oh okay. Um and it's like a weekend thing, dude. And so he he had a bunch of Mexican candy he sold at the shop, along with boots and like uh uh hats and shit. You know what I mean? Um like Tejanas, like the Mexican, you know, yeah. Um and so he would put me in charge and so I'd go work on the weekends. I'd worked that shit out. And um, I remember it was I was trying to make money to go. We were going uh to bogus basin. That's it. That was probably I think that was the only fucking year I went. Um that year. Um and uh I remember just thinking like fuck man, I don't want to be the I don't want to be the poor kid at this shit, you know. I need to I need to pocket some money for this bitch. So um the idea came, man. I was I was at the shop, and uh I was like, I think I could sell candy at school, right? Because they would sell candy, they would sell suckers, they would sell sodas, whatever the fuck, right? So I was like, I mean they were paying like 50 cents to like a dollar for a sucker, bro. And in my head, I was like, I can give you a lot more than a sucker for that, right? And still make a profit. So I talked to my uncle and asked me, what do you think about you know supplying me and I'll open up shop right there at the school? Um, and he was like, Okay, but if you're gonna do this, just remember you gotta do this with the price so that you can pay me back, but you also have to have your own money too.

SPEAKER_02 51:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

I was like, cool. So we set the price and I opened up shop. And I was, man, I was just hand in foot, dude. Every every period, every in between every period, or every break, man, every lunch, just open the door and it's just flooded. And I'm just like, yeah, yep, here you go, here you go. And pretty soon I think the school started catching on, and I don't know what their issue was. Well, we know what the issue was. I was selling better products, right? They were upset that they weren't selling, dog. So one day I'm in I'm in class, and uh they uh they called me out of class and I was like, all right, I come outside, dog, and it's a couple cops with some drug dogs in the hallway. I was like, what's going on? Uh you need to open your locker for us, right? We heard like you're selling stuff out of your locker, and I was like, it's candy, right? And they were like, we need you open it. So we'll go over there, dog. And I was like, fuck, I'm in trouble because I used to jam my locker so I wouldn't have to do the yeah, do you know what I mean? So I remember that, yeah. I was like, shit, they're gonna know I that's in my head. I was like, they're gonna know I jammed my locker, I'm gonna get in trouble. They're like, oh, you jam your locker, huh? They pulled a pencil out and they were like, now you're gonna have to do you remember your combination? I was like, I think so. And they were like looking at the candy, and uh, do you have a permit to sell this? What? I don't know, I don't have a permit. Okay, we're gonna have to confiscate it. I was like, what does that mean? Like, what does that mean? We're gonna take your candy, right? Because you don't have a permit to sell it on school grounds, and I was like, I'm just trying to make some money to so that I can have some money for for this trip, right? Like, well, you don't have a permit. And the principal standing there looking at me, and I was just like, What a fucking dick. You know what I mean? Like, what an asshole. And uh, and I was like, don't take it, right? I was like, I I I owe my my uncle money for that, right? Let me just take it, I'll give it back to him, I won't sell anymore. They're like, nah. Right? And they pull these, I'll put I'll pull all my shit, and they sit there, open it, just dump it in the trash, dog. And I remember just sitting there, like, it was just like this. It's fucking light bulb. Right? I was like, this motherfucker's really upset because I outsold his bitch ass.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 53:59

Yeah, and it just it was just a momentary thought. I remember just thinking, if I can do this with candy, I bet I can sell drugs like a motherfucker. You know what I mean? It's what I knew, dog. I seen it my whole life. I saw them do it.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

And I was like, And that was in middle school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 54:20

I was like, at sixth grade. Hmm. I think I can do this shit, right? Didn't happen for years, but I I remember having that thought of like I can move fucking wait. If I can move candy like this, bro, come on. If they're scared of me, come on, man. You know what I mean? That was my first, first, like real hustle, man. Was selling that candy, man. People remember, some people remember that still, you know. I uh years later, people still remember when you sell candy on your life. I'm like, remember that shit, dog? It's crazy. I remember my ex-wife, man, she thought I was bullshitting. I tell her these stories, man. She thought I was bullshitting one time. Uh we went to go meet a babysitter. Fucked a babysitter our uh my little man actually when he was a baby. And it happened to be one of my homegirls that I went to school with. I was like, she and we were chopping it up, and she was like, Do you remember when you used to sell uh candy out of your backpack and your and your blah blah blah? And I was like, Yeah, and and my girl, and well, my ex-wife was like, You really did that shit? Yeah, you thought I was you thought I was lying this whole time?

SPEAKER_00 55:25

She's like, Yeah, I was like, No, we've been together for like five years.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

Yeah, you know what I mean? I was like, Yeah, I did that shit, bro. I was really doing that shit. Yeah, that was that was my first hustle, bro. My first hustle, that was my first little bit of trouble. Um yeah, I mean, as the drinking got worse, you know, like when it settled, I probably settled in with it with like um probably like 12. Probably about 12, dude. And I had people around me. That's the thing, I was the plug for for high school alcohol. You know what I mean? Like, even like and I I I wasn't like a popular kid or anything. I wasn't a fucking nerd either. But I wasn't on that scale like that. But once it was known like I could get product of whatever they needed, yeah. Rudy, can you get this for me? Hey, you can come to the party too, right? Um I just had people around me, bro, that I could talk to and be like, hey, can you can you buy me some shit? So I just remember man at 12 years old. Yeah, we were I was I was down in we were we it was deep, man. It was it was bad, dog. I didn't I see I'm sober now, right? And you know that now, but you don't see those things when you're drinking heavily, you know what I mean? Like 12 years old downing an 18 pack every day. Damn, you know what I mean? Like and at my worst, at my worst, I was probably a case, maybe a case and a half a day. Jeez, a Budweiser, bro. Just I remember for one birthday, I was two cases in. And it was and the only reason I stopped is I ran out of beer. It was four in the morning. So was your mom okay with it? Hell no.

SPEAKER_02 57:08

Fuck. You were just doing it behind her back. Or was she where she busy working?

SPEAKER_01 57:13

Working, bro. Busy working. Um around that time too, dog. That's that's kind of where life started falling apart. You know what I mean? The the that's where the broken home came in. Mom was a devout mom, man. She everything she did, man, she did, she did with um the understanding that she was doing something degraded herself for us, right? Um, but she was uh yeah, she was busy, man, and and they worked a lot and shit. Um so it kind of just started as like, you know, you're fucking you're teenagers and you're just like, hey, let's drink a little bit. So we started drinking this shit. Yeah. Um and uh and I didn't I never realized it became a habit. It kind of just it was who I was now, you know. And uh, yeah, they didn't know, dog. They didn't know at all. Um, her or my dad, but but it was because you know, like my dad, my dad at that time, he was starting us another family. He had like a second family. Oh, really? And so about 12 years old, I believe, is when like he he wasn't around much anymore. You know what I mean? Like it got worse to the point where we didn't see him for months sometimes. Or if we did see him, he would just come back to drop off whatever car he had and pick up one of the other cars that had more gas and then take off again. You know, it was kind of one of the that but that was the beginning of a dude. And I think mom was just kind of she was a strong woman, dude, but I think um, and the only reason I think this is because I this is who this is how I am, right? She I think she ignored the signs. I think she was kind of just like um um yeah, just I mean just ignoring the signs, bro. Just kind of like it can't be that. Yeah, right. Right. Um so she was kind of you know, she was doing her thing. She was just trying to keep us afloat, man. Um yeah, it was just I don't know, man. I started drinking, dude, and it just I think I just didn't want to didn't want to face reality. I just wanted to live in this buzz that felt so good to be around, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Um like I I've always been an emotional kid, bro, like I said, and uh I think a lot of things that I saw um kind of wrecked me emotionally, and I think alcohol brought a stability to me, right? Or I or maybe it made me feel more comfortable feeling those emotions, right? Because when you're drunk, you you fully give in to the emotion, right? And when you're sober, you could you fight it. You know what I mean? You fight it. And I think that's where drink came in, was it's made easier for me to kind of process those emotions, you know what I mean? And um she didn't know for shit, dog. She didn't know for shit. She didn't know until my first MIP. Yeah. My first MIP, dog. Fucking called her. I don't remember. Was like two or three in the morning. Fucking drunk at the police station, bro. They got they fucking popped us, they caught us drinking and shit. And uh, we were trying to meet some girls out in the fucking middle of nowhere, dog. We had called a bunch of girls and they were like, yeah, we're coming. Me and me and my homie had stolen a bunch of beer from the store. Oh, is it that one? Yeah, yeah. I paid for that motherfucker. But um Yeah, tell that tell that story, dude. That's yeah, so there it was this fucking corner store, dog.

unknown 1:00:25

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:26

It was uh it was called Al's Corner Store when I was growing up. I don't remember, I don't know what it's called now. It's all owls corner store. Behind there's a there's the alley. Um, and uh they used to leave those doors up behind open. So we'd creep back there in the alley. The door to the shop to the store open. Right in the back for like the alcoholist. Yeah. So we'd run in there, grab a case, stash it in one of the bushes, and fucking take off. And then later on in the afternoon we come pick it up and we go party. So we had a bunch of fucking alcohol. We had dumped it out of the fucking box that came in and put it in a in a big ass fucking duffel bag for some fucking reason. And we had bitch beer in there and stuff. Because the girls, you know, they wanted to like smear it off and shit like that. Um, so we had a bunch of shit back there, and we were just sitting out in the middle of fucking nowhere, dog, and I was I was so drunk, bro. I was just so drunk, man. And uh the the guy that was driving us, I don't want to say his name because I don't wanna I don't know if he doesn't want this story to be told, but um he was he was sober, dog. Sober and he was just driving us around. He was just you know a cool homie. And um, and then the passenger seat was one of my one of my good friends growing up. And um I don't know, I don't know how drunk he was. But we were pretty fucked up, dog. We're just waiting for the girls to get there. See this light's coming, dog. And we're in the middle of a fucking field in the middle of bum fuck nowhere, right? Over by Plymouth off the fucking side roads and shit. This light comes and we're like, hell yeah, here comes the ladies.

unknown 1:02:09

Whoop whoop.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:10

I was like, God damn it. And we're in the car and we're like, fuck. And we see, and they just pull up right in front of us, dog, and we're like, fuck. And I remember my homie telling we should run. We should run. And I was like, I'll fucking run with you if you want. I'm down. Um they're gonna get me, but it's fine, right? I'm drunk, dog. I'm like, fuck it. If you want to run, let's run, homie. The driver was like, guys, please don't run. If you run, you're gonna get me in trouble. So we decided fuck that. We're not gonna get him in trouble. We're already in trouble as it is, right? He's gonna be fine, he doesn't he's not drinking. So yeah, they pulled us one by one, dog, and blood test. I'm Rias, someone's like, I gotta take a piss. Can I pee?

unknown 1:02:51

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:52

I was like, I'm gonna have to pee in your car then. And he was like, go over there. So he let me know, take a piss before he handcuffed me and shit. Oh, that was the first time, dude. She she it's like three in the morning, she got and picked me up. She was pissed, man. She was fucking pissed. What are you thinking? I was laughing, dog. I was just like, hi mom. Fucking dumb child, dog. You got a ticket for that? Fuck yeah, man. I went to I went to court for that. I got put on probation. Oh, dude. I remember it was like um she brought me home. I'm sleeping. And this is like I said, this is uh around the time my dad was fucking around. Like he had another lady and whatever, and they ended up having kids together. Um I remember he, I think he got home at like four or five in the morning. And um he was in the bed. And my mom told me, this is what my mom told me. Um they were in bed, and uh our guy got up off the couch and I ran to the bathroom and I was just fucking Ralph and Doug. And uh he asked her, hey, what's wrong with him?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:00

Why is he throwing up?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

Right? And uh mom goes, Oh, uh, he ate something bad. Right? He's just he's got a little stomach bug. And she was like, and your dad was like, Oh, my poor boy. I hope he feels better. Didn't know that she'd picked me up from the police station. Yeah. At this point, we it was between me and her. Like he we didn't tell him shit because really he would just fucking sit there and you know, he would crucify you. Yeah, he wouldn't crucify himself for the things that he was doing on the side. He's crucifying you for who you are, right? Not not take not acknowledging the fact that you're not around, homie. You know, your son needs a f a father and you're not around, you're out creating more life that you're not gonna take care of. You know what I mean? Yeah, um, but I just I thought it was fucking funny that she covered for me and he was just like, oh, that poor kid. You know what I mean? Yeah, and we did court and all that shit. We never told him. Went to court, went to probation. I handle all that shit, never told him. Never told him, dog. And I was on probation. Um, I got into real deep shit on probation, man. Uh uh, I don't remember how far in I was, bro. But I wasn't even drinking at this time. I was kicking it with some homies on the outskirts of uh uh San Jolly. Yeah. Um on one of the homies' farms. I won't mention his name because I don't know if he wants this known or not, but um, we were out at his parents' house, dog, and this badass little farm. We're in the I think it was a we were in a barn or some shit or a shop. They ran out of alcohol and uh man, wish we had some more. I had I had a fucking court the next day for uh I think it was that MIP. And uh for those who don't know, mine are in possession. Yeah, right. Uh and well, yeah, one of them was like uh we should get some more alcohol, right? It's fucking like three, four in the morning. And uh one of my homies was. Like the one that me and you know, me and him used to take beer from the store. Um, he was like, Hey, why don't we hit this door? Maybe the door's unlocked. I was like, how fucking stupid I was, dog. So anytime my parents ever told me, you know, don't hang out with this person, don't hang out with this person, like they're a bad influence. I always told them, Doug, no one can influence me. I'm the only person that influences myself. So don't blame my fucking friends. I'm the asshole. I I'll take that on the chin, right? Yeah. And I was like, Yeah, let's fucking let's go do that shit. I'm sober, dog. And we hit in. And honestly, I was I think I was kind of just like, the door's not gonna be open. Let's let them run their mission and then we'll fucking go and we'll take off. And we get there and the door's locked, and I was like, damn. Not tonight, right? Homie goes, Hold on, let me go check the front door. And I was like, check the what the fuck you check, whatever though, whatever we're gonna do. And we're out back, dog, and um, it was a bunch of a bunch of dudes that we don't regularly hang out with. There was one cat that was a cousin of one of the dudes, and we never we never met that dude before, right? Um, and I'm in the back just and we're chopping it up, and I'm like, just get the fuck out of here like this. It's not gonna work, right? All of a sudden you just hear the glass, and then the alarm goes off, and I was like, what the fuck? I was like, this fucking guy, bro, broke through the front window, and door opens in the back. Come on. So we go in, bro, and we fucking shopping cart that bitch, full of beer, full of cigarettes. I didn't even smoke. You know what I mean? We just we filled that bitch and then we dumped them in the trucks. Now we had we had two trucks, we had my homie's truck, stick shift, and then one of the other guys probably had their truck. So as we're coming out, they throw the stuff and we're all fucking like, what the fuck's going on? Half the dudes jumped in the back of the other truck, right? The alcohol's all in the back of, I believe it was in the back of my truck, that they left me there with. I didn't know how to drive fucking stick at the time, dog. And my homeboy takes off, and I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? So I call him and I was like, Dog, I don't drive stick. He's like, Well, you better fucking learn real quick, dog. I said, fuck it, dog. We take off, man. And as we're making our way out of town, we can hear the sirens, and we're like, fuck, this is for real. This is we meet up in the middle of fucking nowhere, dumped alcohol, we'll come pick it up later. Me and this motherfucker got caught in a few hours. Head home, dog. Mom wakes up, I'm getting ready, and we're going to court. We go to court, we got probation. We take off on the way back. Um, there used to be a Marisa's over in Ontario. And back then, I don't know if they have men's clothes now, but they used to. And I used to wear little tight, you know, polos and shit. So I was like, let's stop at the store. I'm gonna get a shirt. I was like, all right, so we fucking stopped, dog. My homie calls me and he goes, hey, um, did a detective come talk to you? Talk to me about what? He's like, so after court, did a detective talk to you? And I said, No, why? He's like, 'Cause when I came out, I was walking out, and this detective came up to me and he said, Nice shoes. Let me talk to you for a second. And he's like, and he compared my shoes to the shoe prints on the glass. And I was like, Why the fuck would you wear the same goddamn shoes you kicked the fucking glass door open with, you know? And he's like, Well, he said, you know, he's on our ass dog, and he's gonna come uh um uh interview us at the school later. I said, fuck. And I was like, all right, well, we gotta get everyone together. We gotta get our story straight, homie. You know? And um me and him have been through the ringer. We didn't give, we were gonna say no. Right? Yeah. Um until it was apparent that we couldn't lie anymore. The other cats were just a bunch of good kids that got caught up with a bunch of assholes like us. I was hoping they wouldn't crack. You know what I mean? So we got together, we're like, hey, real quick, this is our story. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Um we didn't know that uh the strange kid, the one that was um one of the guy's cousins, he had gone home, felt guilty about it, told his mom everything. She called the cops on us. On all of us, including her fucking son. Right? And uh, yeah, bro. We're just sitting there sweating it. I remember, oh, after after the phone call, we're driving to the we're driving home, dog. And at this point, my mom's just tired of my bullshit, tired of all the court dates. Because I had gotten that was my first MIP, but I had been to court several times for DWPs, right? Driving without permission, I believe. Something like that. Like, I told you I started driving when I was like 12, dog, and I'd just go everywhere, right? Um, and I get pulled over and I wouldn't have insurance and I wouldn't have a license, so right, and I had like three or four of those already on me, dog. So she was tired of my fucking bullshit, dog. But I was like, I have to be honest with my mom, I can't fucking lie about this. This is this is something big, right? So I go, Mom, I gotta talk to you about something. Poor, poor woman, dude. She goes, Oh, now what? And I told her, she's like, You what? And I was like, you know, we we did this and this, we robbed this store. What were you thinking? And I was like, I don't know. Were you drunk? And I was like, No, I was sober. You know what I mean? Like the realization, I think she was just trying to find any fucking right, any little thing to be like, Oh, you're so dumb. But she realized this guy's just a fucking idiot. You know what I mean? He's just a dumb fuck. And she was like, Well, we're gonna have to tell your dad about this one. And I was like, Yeah, that's fine. Like, I'll tell him. And she's like, I miko, you're in so much trouble. And I was like, I know, I know. And uh went to school, dog, and and they pulled us in, man, and they fucking interrogated the fuck out of me. By the time they pulled me in, everyone gave the fucking story, dog. I'm holding on to Nope. I think I got there and I told my girl, baby, I was with you all night.

unknown 1:12:16

What?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:16

And I was like, just say I was with you all fucking night, right? Yeah, this white girl was not gonna she was not gonna lie for me. I don't think, you know, but um I was like holding on to you. You got me, right? Fucking yeah, you run my writer diary. Yeah, come on, baby. Come on now, and uh he's fucking interrogating. I was like, nah, I wasn't there. Really? Because your name was named, and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. This fucker starts pulling out the affidavits, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:43

And I was like, what the fuck? And he's like, go for it, read them. They say everything. And I was like, fuck. I looked through him, dog, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:53

Rudy and blah blah blah. I was like, fuck, Rudy and bro. I was like, what the fuck, man? You know, so at that point, you're beat. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Fuck it. It is what it is, dog. Um, and it and it happened to be it was the cop that had a you know issue with my family, dog. And uh he it was it's crazy. One of my um, I believe it was one of my uncles or one of my cousins was in was in jail at the time. And this fool had gone into jail and told him I was weeping and I was crying during the interview. He told him that shit. He said, Yeah, it's the ropes, and I made him cry about because when my cousin came out, he's like, Yeah, I heard like what a fucking piece of shit, dog. What'd he tell you? And I was like, Nobody cried, homie. Nobody fucking crying, dog. You know what I mean? Like, I took that shit on the chin like a G. I said, fuck it, I did it. And I wrote affidavit and I said I did it. And I told them everything that they had already fucking told him. Let's ride this, let it ride, you know what I mean? Fuck it. Throw the dice. I'm on those. What are you gonna do now, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:54

That's the thing, it's like when shit hits the fan dog, I'd rather fucking I'd rather fess up and be a fucking man about it and handle my business than then continue being a a a fucking coward, you know what I'm saying? That kind of pissed me off that he was saying I cried. I was like, fuck it, you know, you know how fucking frustrating it is to have to defend yourself from shit you didn't do. Yeah. Because they're like, you cried? No, motherfucker, I didn't scratch and snitched. Please believe me. Like like Chappelle. I was like, no, dog, I didn't fucking cry. No, I told him what it was, and then you know, and we looked at, we were you know, charged with fucking it was in it. They charged me, him, and the other kid, the one that told his mom. The other ones, they let him go. They didn't do shit, they were just accessories, they were just there, they didn't even fucking load the trucks. They were standing outside like a bunch of scared kids, right? Because which what they were, and so they didn't get charged with shit. They apologized later, like I'm sorry, you know, we snitched you. What are you gonna do, bro? You know what I mean? Like it was intense, you know what I mean? It sucked, I get it, whatever. Um, but I was determined that if I if I was going to Juvie and that kid was going with me, I was gonna fuck him up. You know what I mean? I was like, I'm whooping his ass day one. Fuck that fool. Yeah, you know what I mean? Um, it went bad, you know. It went good because they had lawyers. I couldn't afford a fucking lawyer, you know what I mean? Yeah, and um they could they got lawyers, their parents got them lawyers. We went to court, bro, and uh was I work. I was working the jack in a box at the time, yeah. Like uh we got charged or whatever. Um, or maybe it was just the investigation, whatever happened. Um that made me change all the way around. Um because I just realized like how much shit I was in. You know. Oh, and then I I fucking told my dad, bro. He came home and sat down with him and I told him, hey, this is what happened. And uh I'm in trouble. You know, the cops came in today and they know and they took statements and they're gonna charge us at a later date or whatever, you know. But I just want you to know. Not that you not that you're here, right? But I don't want you, I just want you to know. Mom thought it was important for you to know. This fool starts tripping, dog. He starts saying some wild shit, blah blah blah. This is on you, you're gonna handle this, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I wasn't asking for your help. I'm gonna handle this on my own. I don't need you. I just wanted you to know. Um, yeah, and and and uh that shit uh taught me a big lesson, bro. After that, I got a job at fucking Jack in the Box. And I stay straight, man. Stay straight. I didn't want any more issues. I I really just wanted to be done with the bullshit and and uh kind of you know, it just I I was upset with myself for putting my mom into that. You know, it was enough she was going through. Yeah, dealing with infidelity and um, you know, being the only one at home providing and shit, dude. And then dealing with a fucking asshole like me, dog. You know what I mean? Like I I truly didn't give a fuck. In those times, you know, and uh I treated my mom like shit, bro. And there's a lot of things I regret in life. Uh and it was from that era. It was just I treated her like shit, bro. She would chase me out of the house. Chase me to, you know, I'd be drunk, bro. Drunk. I'm coming home just to grab something and I'm out. She'd come outside chasing me, bro, holding, like, grab me by my fucking collar one time. Don't leave, don't leave, stay with me. Let's figure this out, blah, blah. I remember just like throwing her arm, bro, and telling her to fuck off, you know. Me alone. I don't need you, I don't need anyone. You know, just treated her like shit, bro. I I believe at one point my my little brother told me year years later, he said, uh, he was so tired of my shit. My little brother. He was so tired of my he would uh he thought about fucking stabbing me in my sleep. Jeez, so that I I wouldn't, so they wouldn't have to deal with my shit anymore, dog. Cause it was just, you know, just bullshit after bullshit with me, bro. And um, yeah, it was it was a bitch, dude. And uh I told him, you know, I'm not fucking, I don't need anyone's help. I did it my so I did I every fine I paid, I paid my on my own. Um it was I I did all that shit on my own, dog. And uh once I started jacking the box, like I really turned it around. I started paying my fines, I was doing good for myself. I got a car, I was making my car payments. I was doing I was doing better, dog. I was still doing little side hustles and shit, but um, I was doing good and uh but I was ready to go to fucking jail. I knew it was coming, dog. It was sentencing day, like my fucking public attorney told me something like I was gonna do like a year in Juby or some shit. So I had uh I had talked to my fucking boss at Jack in the Box and I was, you know, I gotta be gone for a bit. And this fool said, I'm gonna hold a job for you. When you come out, come see me. I said, badass, thank you. And uh my baby brother was uh he was little, bro. He was maybe maybe three or four, maybe five, dog. I could do all the math, but I'm not doing it right now. He was a little kid, dog. Yeah, I raised him, bro. I raised that kid. We were inseparable. I had him everywhere with me. And uh, I remember saying goodbye to him and my mom. And uh we went to we right before court, dog. I took all my I had chains, I had jewelry, bro, just rings, bracelet, chains, you know. I take it off, I gave it to my mom. So I was like, mom, hold that for me, let me go do this time, and I'll be home, you know. And uh I remember saying goodbye to my little brother, dog, and they fucking it shit rocked me, you know what I mean? I'm a kid, dog. I'm a little kid and shit. And I'm raising a child myself. And uh, yeah, saying goodbye sucked, dog. I was crying, you know what I mean? I was just like fuck. You know, but I was like, this is what I gotta do, and I'm done. It's over, you know? So I was like, fuck it, just get it. Yeah, just get it going. I I I we cried and we we said goodbye and fucking uh time for time for sentencing, you know. And we walked in there, dog, and what saved me was their fucking lawyers, bro. Their lawyers did such a good job, and they got off with probation. And when it came to me, they wanted to give me the sentencing of like a year, and Jui, I believe, was like the recommendation. And uh, and the judge was like, I it's not fair, it's not fair that I'm sentencing him to a year, and they don't because they have the money to pay up front and they have good lawyers. It's not right, so I'm gonna give him the same thing I gave them, and I was like, Word. I was so happy, I was like, fuck him out, and I was like, Yep, that's what I thought. You know what I mean? And I was like, Yeah, I was crazy, bro. And I I I settled down after that, man. I settled down as far as doing stupid shit like that, but you know, I had an underground thing going for a long time and never got caught. It was you know, it was cool. Yeah, you said you were helping your mom pay the bills, right? Fuck yeah, yeah, yeah. My uh I think it was it wasn't too far after that, man. My dad took off. He took off. He got good. Yeah, he did some bullshit, dog. He did some bullshit. Um and uh and he got caught. And he couldn't face the fucking music, and he ran like a fucking coward, dog. I'll never forget it. I remember he wanted me he wanted us to say goodbye to him before he fucking fled. And I'll never forget. I fucking said no. I said no, like mom took us, and I was like, no, fuck him, you abandon us, dog. You haven't been around for years. Fuck you. At this point, I was done, bro. Me and him had a fucked up relationship. You know, there was one time where um I mean, just growing up here, dog, he would put hands on mom, you know what I mean? And uh, and uh we would all you know try to jump. But what do you do as a kid, bro? You know what I mean? You jump and you get smacked, yeah. So he would just, oh fuck you all up. Oh fuck, you know what I mean? And once I got a little older, dog, remember one time I mean he wasn't he wasn't around much, dog. He'd only come to drop off a car, pick up another one, and he wouldn't he wasn't spending time, bro. We didn't we didn't see him. I was out back having a conversation with my girlfriend at the time on the phone. My sister comes um running back and and she uh um she comes back and she's crying and she's like Rudy uh dad's here and he's hitting mom and I lost my shit. I was like, fuck this, I'm over it. So I fucking walk up to the house and uh I I I'm I'm walking up the steps to open the front door and I just hear a fucking and something fall, and I was like, this motherfucker done hit my mama, right? And I'm old enough at this point where I'm like, this is I'm not a little kid no more, homie. Like it's you know what I mean? So I walked in, bro. I'm ready to fucking roll. I walk in, I see my dad on the floor, dog. I was like, what the fuck? Right? My little my mom, dude, she's little, dog, and she's standing there and she's just looking at me. I was like, Did you just hit this motherfucker? You know what I mean? Like growing up, like the way he would manhandle her, bro. Was it's fucked up, right? You you create this fucked up vision. You scar the fuck out of children when you do it. Don't do that shit, don't hit your women. That shit is not cool. That shit is not cool, bro. Um, walking away is so much better. Regrouping, yeah, conversating, right? Yeah, um, but I just I never expected that. Like I said, she ragged all before so many times we were growing up, and I was like, and I was like, Mom, did he hit you? She said, No. I said, You sure? She said, Yeah, but this time he's getting up. And I was like, This is fucking bullshit. And she saw Miko just walk outside on my handle this and I said, I'll fuck him up. Like, you know, this is not cool. It's not fucking okay that he comes over and he wants to start some shit. Right. And what happened was Um I had found out that uh uh he was uh he was smashing the same chick that me and some of my friends were smashing. She was just like a local scary, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:17

And I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:20

And uh I grew up I grew up defending my father, bro. I grew up a staunch fucking supporter, right? So my dad's like, don't talk about my dad like that. You know, and uh when I found out what he was doing, dog, it fucked me up. I was like, he's really out here cheating on my mom's that's crazy, right? And uh I couldn't let that shit go, bro, so I had to tell her.

unknown 1:24:47

You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:48

And uh I don't know if it was one of the best decisions I ever made or if it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I always I always uh I always battled with that one because the the destruction it caused was uh I don't know but I can't put a word to it. It was fucked up. It was fucked up. Like I told her I had to tell her and she got she got super upset. You know, she was we had a a glass coffee table and I remember her just ah and just broke the fucking table, dog. Oh dang, and I was like, whoa, what the fuck, you know, and she was just pissed. And I remember when she did that, I was like, fuck, I think I fucked up. I shouldn't have told her, you know? And he had come home talking some shit, and she was like, Oh yeah, motherfucker. Wow, bitch, you know. So that's how that that came about, man. And uh I walked in, bro, and I was like, I'm gonna fuck him up. And he stood up and he was like, What do you want? You want you want fucking you want to get it? You want something? Uh he says something like I don't like clowns, and you're being a fucking clown. And I was like, fuck it. So I walked over to fucking hand him one, dog, and that's probably the only chance I ever got to fight him. And my mom wouldn't let me fight him, dog. She said, I can't let you do that, it's your father. You can't put hands on your father. I was like, I was gonna I don't know what was gonna happen, dog. I don't know if he was gonna beat me up or if I was gonna fuck him up, but I I knew somebody was gonna bleed, and I knew somebody was gonna leave that house. Yeah. And uh she wouldn't let me, dog, she wouldn't let me. Uh, we in and our and mine and his relationship was shot that that day it was over. That shit was over for me. You know, I feel like I was I was always just looking for a reason. And and that day it was enough. It was over for me. You know what I mean? He he didn't come around much after that. And when he did, he'd come inside, I'd leave. You know, if he'd go out and where I was, I'd fucking leave. Like I just I didn't want to be around that motherfucker anymore, dog. I just held resentment, you know. And when he said he was leaving, I was like, fuck this motherfucker. I don't I'm not saying goodbye later, bitch. You know what I mean? Fuck out of here. You want and yeah, you know, it was a pivotal time in our fucking childhood, bro. Mine and my little brothers both, you know. Pivotal time, and this motherfucker walked away because he did some stupid shit. And we and then we dealt with the backlash of that, you know, we dealt with that shit. People demonized us because we were his kids. We had nothing to do with the shit he did, nothing to do whatsoever. But we were demonized for it, and it was fucked up, man. It was it sucked, and then you know, on top of that, bro, he left my mom in massive fucking debt, you know. Like, I don't know how far after he left, man. It was one day fucking this tow truck pulls up, and this dude comes out and he comes up to me and he's like, Hey, I'm looking for Rodolfo. I said, That's me. And he's like, You're Rodolfo? I was like, Yeah. You're 40 something? And I was like, No. Oh, I was like, I think you're looking for my dad. So I went and got my mom and she and he had uh he had taken out loans on a bunch of the cars that we owned. And so they went and picked up our shit, bro. And mom was just like, how the fuck are we gonna do this? I remember, dude, it was bad, dog. We we were scraping quarters and and and and sent spent to to get her to work on it daily, bro. You know what I mean? And then she'd pay your bills and we're fucked, you know. I mean, it was time to I I saw her starve, bro. You know what I mean? Like it was tough. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that was that was a rough time, dog. There wasn't enough enough food to go around. That shit'll change you, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like just you you know, you know, there's not enough. And uh you're hungry though. Your mom fucking feeds you guys and you're looking around like, where the fuck is her plane? Wasn't enough, homie? You know? Yeah. And you you're eating, but it's a fucking, you know, with a broken heart, bro. You're just like, fuck, I'm hungry, but yeah, yeah. It was tough, dog. It was tough, so that's when I decided I was like, I'm fucking done, bro. I told her, I was like, I'm gonna drop out. I wouldn't go to school anyways. Let's be honest, I wouldn't go to school anyways, you know. Yeah. I was I was selling dope anyways. I told her I'm done, I'm not gonna fucking go to school. I'm gonna get a job, and I'm gonna help you pay for this shit. And then when we catch up on our bills, I will get my G D. Yeah. She was pissed off. She was like, no, you're not fucking leaving. Like, I'm not letting you leave school. And I was like, You can't really do anything at this point. I'm gonna do it, you know. I was like, just be okay with it, I got you. So I left. Uh I got a job, so I was working during the day and then hustling in the afternoons. And I'd keep just enough money to re-up. Keep hustling. So I was just giving her money every whatever the fuck, every week. Giving her a bunch of money, man. And she hated it, bro. She hated it. Cause she asked me, Where'd you get all this money? I'm not getting it working at a burger place, you know? Yeah. Where'd you get all this money? I never lied to my mother. Never. I told her if I've been hustling. And she was like. She knew. She knew what it was. Oh, her brother, her cousins, her uncle, they all did it. She knew what it was. But she knew there was nothing she could do. I was I was determined to to do this, right? And she said, just promise me that when you're done, you're gonna get the GED. Promise me. I said, I promise. So we linked, you know, we linked up, we pinkied, and there I go, man. I was fucking hustling and just throwing money, and you know, here you go, here you go, here you go. And I don't remember how long it took, man, but somewhere along the road, she I went to give her money, and uh she said no. And I was like, come on, man, I'm not gonna argue with you over this shit. Just take the money, pay the fucking bills. I don't want to argue, Mom, please just take it. She's like, no, no, no, no. We're done. And I was like, what? What do you mean? She said, She said, we're done. I was like, we're all caught up. She said, yeah, we're good. Keep your money. I was like, damn, bro, like it felt like it felt like forever. I'm sure it was just a few months, but it felt like forever, dog. I felt like yeah, man, it was just it was tough, man, trying to. I can imagine for her, you know what I mean? Like having a bunch of end of me isn't I was a fucking child, dog, I was an asshole. You know what I mean? I was a dickhead, bro, just getting into trouble, doing stupid shit. I can imagine, man, it was it was tough on her, bro. And my sister was going to college at the time. Um, my little brother was, I think he was about to drop out of school too. It was tough, dog, and she said that and it was just like what the fuck we did it, you know? Success, man. And she just we just hugged each other, bro. Just looked at each other and you know, we shared some tears and and uh she was like, You remember what you promised me? I said, Yeah, all right, you know. I went back, uh signed up for GED. I think I finished in like two weeks. Got honors my GED. Right on, dude. Yeah, yeah, man, and uh, you know, fucking kept my promise. Kept my promise to go back, get my GED, and um by that time, bro, uh I had met my ex-wife and life just didn't seem the same anymore. I didn't want the same things anymore, you know. I didn't want to dress the way I dressed anymore. I didn't want to talk the way I talked. I wanted I wanted a semblance of a of a real fucking life, you know. And I wanted a life with that woman, and and uh and I was like, man, I you know, I gotta get my shit together. Like I gotta make an honest woman of this this one this chick, you know, and I gotta fucking do something for myself, you know? It's it's over. Like those days are done. I gotta stop doing all the hustling, all the bullshit. You know what I mean? It was cool. It was cool while it lasted. But you know, it was just one of those things, man, where you grow up and you know, not not completely, dude. I continued to fuck off and be a dumbass for the rest, you know, for the next 20 something years. I'm just now getting my shit together, but yeah. Um yeah, those are the poignant moments, dog, that just kinda make you who you are. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:27

Those those young some maturing moments.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:29

Oh yeah, dog. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. Especially when you got a bunch of, you know, you got brothers and sisters and you gotta look out for them, dog. You know what I mean? Even when they don't think you're looking out for them, like you're looking out for them, you know. And it's one of those things where it's like uh I don't know how I don't know how parents or women do it, you know. It's like a thankless job, right? Like we don't see everything mom and dad do for us when we're growing up, you know. I'll say mom for me, because it was just my mom's really. But well, we don't see it, dog, until you're older and you're doing it for your kids, and you're like, you little bastard, you don't appreciate shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, and now I'm like, fuck man, I didn't appreciate anything mom did. You know, like it was a struggle, that poor lady, man. Four kids and um, yeah, bro, four kids and all by herself, dog, along with just being demonized by the world for my you know, our dad's choices and dealing with a broken heart, bro. She broke. She broke that day uh when uh when that happened with my dad, bro. When me and him were gonna fight. She uh she completely broke, dog. That was the first time. That's the first and only time I've ever seen my mom break. Break, dog, completely. I didn't recognize her anymore. You know, she was a selfless, amazing woman, dog, all my life. That shit broke her to a level where I think she had to rebuild herself because I don't know how long it was for, but oh, she just wasn't mom for a bit. She just wasn't mom. You know, there wasn't the uh um that vibrance of life in her anymore, you know? Um even small things like uh like cooking for us wasn't the same anymore. You know, the food just didn't taste like it anymore. It just the sharing, the laughs, the the love, it wasn't the same anymore, dog. She was broken. And that was the one time of my life where I was like, fuck, mom's gone. You know what I mean? And it was one of those things where you're like, shit, how do I uh how do I hold this down until she comes back, you know? And I tried to as much as I could. I think we all did, you know. My little brother was my baby brother, he was he was little, bro, so he went everywhere with me. You know, from the time he was diapers, mom, he was I was like my kid too. I was fucking taking him anywhere. And uh it took a minute, bro, and and just watching, just seeing my mom fucking fall apart, dog, it fucked me up because that's the strength. You know what I mean? Like that was the strength, and that's broke. What am I gonna do? You know what I mean? But she rebuilt, man, and she she fought, bro, so hard. We had it fucking we had it shitty for a long fucking time, man. She just there's no quitting that woman, dog. No fucking quit at all. Man, she's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:18

So what'd you do once you got out of high school then? Or I mean nothing once you got your GD, what'd you do for work?

SPEAKER_01 1:36:25

Man, I did everything, bro. I've done everything. Done fucking everything, bro. I've worked at restaurants, I've worked fields, orchards, uh, I did some um automotive paint. Oh, right on. I did uh um the H2O graphics, um, construction, concrete, um restaurants, I think I already said that shit. Um panic work. Just all over getting a lot of the different trades. Whatever, dog. It's the thing, is like I could never sit in one place. Yeah, never. I mean, I'd never had a job longer than I think it was the longest one was like three years, three or four. Um, I think that's the one that I left um when I uh became a barber. It was my longest one. But I I couldn't. I get bored and I want to do something different, you know. And so I had a shit ton of jobs. I just did everything, bro. And I went to school to be a pharmacy tech. Oh really? That's what brought me out here. Okay. Yeah, I was um because I graduated. I uh I was living in uh Ontario with uh with uh my ex-wife and um her family. Um and uh I couldn't find a job, bro, for years, probably like a year or two. Couldn't find a job, dog. I was applying everywhere, couldn't find shit, man, and I was just hustling the streets with my homies, doing a bunch of stupid shit. You know what I mean? And um crackdown started coming, I believe. Like some of the gangs were getting um like raided and shit by the FBI. I was hearing all the shit, man, and the homies were getting spooked like shit, bro. We gotta fucking and then homies started getting fucking they started getting um locked up, you know. And uh at that point I was just I didn't I didn't want the life anymore at that point. I was just like, I want to get the fuck out of here, dog. And went to some kids myself. Was it around that time too?

SPEAKER_02 1:38:16

We had kids at that time or no? No. Okay. No, this is before kids, man. Um so you want to get your life clean before you even had kids then.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:22

Yeah, yeah. Well, that and that was the whole thing. Was so I was watching, I was got really into MMA, dog. Um, this is like the Forrest Griffin days, right? It's like the ultimate fighter um like tap out first first season, ultimate fighter, right? I'm watching. And yeah, I even got a fucking with the tax return, I got a fucking punching bag and fucking gloves. I really thought I was like, fuck, this looks dope. I want to do this, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:38:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:46

Um, and I did when watching the fights, and this fucking commercial comes on, Milan Institute, right? Blah blah blah, medical assistant, pharmacy technician. And my sister was going there at the time. She lived out here in Napa. I was in Ontario still. And so I called her really quick and I was like, sis, what's up, brother? And I was like, how easy is it to get into Milan? Exact words, easy as shit. And I was like, really? She's like, Yeah. And I was like, Can you line me up with a meeting with the dean? And she goes, Yeah. I saw a pharmacy technician. I was like, Dog, I'm already selling pharmaceuticals on the streets. I might as well make this legit. You know what I'm saying? Literally, what I thought in my head, just some fucking dumb. But I went and met and I fucking signed up and it was on, bro. And um, I was still living in Ontario, and so my my ex-father-in-law, um, I asked him if I could borrow one of his cars to drive back and forth. And he was like, Yeah, for sure, there's the van, but you gotta pay for the gas. I'm not paying for you to go. And I said, Cool. So I resorted to fucking robbing and stealing to pay my way through fucking school, right to get back and forth to school from fucking Ontario to Nampa. Really? Nampa to Ontario, dog. I didn't have a job. I'm supposed to pay on it. So, you know, it's one of those things that I look back and I'm like, God damn it, man. I hate it, bro. When it and it I feel like dog shit about it. But I have to be honest with you know, with um, with the journey. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Not gonna lie about the journey, and I I did that shit, bro. And I, you know, I didn't care at the moment. Right. Now I'm like, man, if I could give all that shit back, I would, bro. That's just that's not the human being that I ever wanted to be, you know. That's not what I'm teaching my children to be. And it was just one of those things. That's what I did, bro. And that was the journey that I took, you know. So um I went out to school and I finished and everything, and I stepped into a pharmacy, bro. And um Yeah, by the time I stepped in, I we already we had moved out here already. Because once I had got done, I was like, um, I told her, let's get the fuck out of here, dude. We're not raising kids in Ontario. I don't want to raise kids here. I want I want to I want a life. I want something, I want something for both of us. And so we I moved her out to to Nampa. Out here to Nampa and actually Caldwell and uh and we never looked back, Doug. I went to I worked at a pharmacy for a little bit. But um Wasn't for you the criminal wine, man. Yeah, it doesn't go away, homie. It was just it was very, very tough, bro. To I just knew that I was gonna get caught. I do I knew that I was gonna catch federal, a federal indictment because of the things, you know, and it wasn't worth it. And so I had kids. Did you start dipping or something? U Yeah, I started doing some wild shit, dog. Oh just realized like this is not it, homie. This is not it. Playing with a lot of fire, playing with some I was playing with the devil, you know what I mean? And I was like, I had one of those, I had a uh a moment where I was like, I gotta stop this shit because um I'm gonna catch a federal indictment and I'm about to have my baby girl, you know. And it was all just I was I you just knew yourself because you didn't be very fucking honest, right? It wasn't all I could do. I could have done something, but in my head, I was like, I'm doing this for my daughter, I'm doing this to get her what she needs, right? I think it's a coward's way out to say some shit like that, right? But let's be very honest. That's what I thought. You know what I mean? As a man, as a fucking grown man now, yeah. I'd have been like, fuck this, bro. I'm going out, I'm getting two or three jobs. You know what I mean? Yeah, but at the time I was like, I gotta do this and I'm gonna get you know results. And so I did, bro, and it but it was just akin to time when I was like, I'm gonna get a caught and I'm gonna go to fucking prison for get the fuck out of here. Do you ever gonna have any close calls? Nah. No, I was very good, bro, and it's just yeah, my mind is you know, I just I I never got in trouble for any of I only got in trouble for the stupid shit I did. I never got in trouble for um I never got in trouble for um The big stuff, the big stuff, bro, the shit that mattered, you know? Because I grew up seeing it. I grew up seeing it from them. So I learned from their mistakes, and I kind of, you know what I mean, incorporated my own and shit. And so I never got caught for the big though stuff, bro. I really, you know, God gave I think God gave me a break on that, and uh it was just one of those things like I'm over it, you know. And I and it it it was a thing too where um I was taking the product sometimes because I needed I wanna I I the excuse I gave myself was I've gotta make sure the product's good. You know, and uh I kind of I crossfaded one time I crossfaded one time and uh I remember I was in a bathroom, dude, and I was just fucking tossing. I I dragged myself into the bathroom. I was chunking, bro, and I was just like, fuck man, I don't feel good, you know. And I remember just having this conversation with myself in the mirror, bro. And uh you know, at that time when I was doing shit like that, um I used to go out on my balcony and um I used to have conversations with God, right? And that day, bro, I was fucked up. I looked in the mirror and and uh I just had this conversation and I just I said you know God, if if this is if this is if if this is not something you want me to do, if this is not for me, you know, if you want me to stop this and just leave all this stuff alone, um show me a sign, you know, and uh no shit at that moment, dog. When I said show me a sign, the light flickered. And it never flickered before and it never flickered after. But in that moment, it flickered, and that was a good enough sign for me, homie. Yeah, I went to my room, I had a fucking suitcase full of stuff, pharmaceuticals, yeah, and I dumped that shit down this toilet. And I said, I'm done. Fucking, I remember my little brother walked in on me. He was pissed, dude. He was like, What are you doing? I was like, it's over, dog. God told me not to do it anymore. So, what the fuck are you talking about? You're stoned, right? Like, let me have it. I want I'll sell it. And I said, No, we're not doing this anymore. And he said, Come on, man, you're not the only one that likes to make money. I want to make money too. And I looked at him and I told him, We're gonna make money, but we're gonna do it the right way. I'm not letting you go down this path. We're not doing this anymore. I just dumped it, all the weed and everything in the toilet, flushed that bitch. And I was done. I was done. I never fucking sold anything else again. It's not who I am anymore, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:45:41

Isn't it crazy how God works, dude?

SPEAKER_01 1:45:43

It's crazy, dog, and uh yeah, and I never did it again, man. I from that point forward, these fucking hands got me everywhere. And it didn't take me far, but far enough, you know. Yeah, survived another fucking day and fed my babies, kept closing my babies bags, you know, kept food in their tummy.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:00

Yeah, protected them.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:02

These fucking hands did it, man. It wasn't I got nothing left from those days from selling dope. Nothing, not a ring, they're all gone. No jewelry, no friendships. I got nothing left from that.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:14

Did you lose a lot of friends after you got out of that game then? Like the the people that you knew? Or they just kind of fade off or what?

SPEAKER_01 1:46:21

Really lost, more faded, bro. And not really lost. Um You don't think I honestly um I can I can say this and I can say this proudly now. Um my my uh my mom did a really good job raising me, bro, and uh she she she raised me to be a upstanding, good um human being and uh and uh and a friend and and just a person, dog. You know, and um I don't have broken relationships like that. I really don't. If I if if if any of them, if there's any I that I do have like that, um they we just didn't mesh. But real real homies and shit, uh I I still I can still chop it up with them. We're still valid, you know what I'm saying? We're still we're still cool and shit. It's just I moved on with my life, um, and they didn't. Yeah and when I moved on, they rooted for me. Oh, that's good. They were cheering me on. They didn't they didn't hate me for for leaving. You know, when I would come back, they would tell me, bro, you've made it out. And you're one of the only ones that made it out. We're fucking we're proud of you, you know. Some OGs, bro, some OGs right now that are in prison. Some of my best homies. I remember telling them telling me, you know, I'm fucking proud of you for making it out, dog. Keep doing what you're doing, you know. It was always love, dog. I never no one ever gave a fuck about, you know, and the thing was like I never um I broke bread everywhere I I I could. You know, if if the homies needed some uh some help, I you know find a way to get them some work or get them with some work and and we break bread. You know what I mean? It was always something equal. I've never been a um like a dickhead in that sense, you know what I mean? Yeah. I always try to be as accommodating with my homies as possible. You know what I mean? And uh so it was all respect. Always respect with them, bro. And um yeah, I didn't really lose many um I just moved on. That's good. Just moved on with with uh how I conduct myself and and the in the man that I am and them and the in the company I want to keep, you know, because now I have I have children and uh and I just you know certain company, you know, people always ask me, you know, um uh can I come to your house and you cut me up? I know yeah, you know, and why not? I don't mix business with my family, I don't bring people into my house. It's very seldom you'll see people at my house because uh that invitation doesn't come very often. Yeah, I have to absolutely be comfortable with who you are. Sure. Um, because I'm I'm letting you into the most vulnerable part of my life. You know what I mean? These are my babies, so the these are the young humans that I'm trying to raise, you know, and all the all the mistakes that were made with me growing up. Um I'm trying to fix those and and and create better, better human beings, you know? Yeah, with a more realistic view of of life.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:07

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:08

I want them, I want them to I want them to feel love and I make them feel love, but I also want them to understand life is not um life's not easy, it's not a fucking movie. It's not a it's not a song, you know. Life life will chew you up and spit you out, and and and the best thing you can do is learn how to get back up, dust yourself off, and be like, fuck it, let's try it again. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um the world doesn't stop for for you to have emotions or have uh an emotional reaction or a breakdown. World doesn't stop for you. Yeah, you have to continue at the world's pace, and you have to adjust and um you know um yeah, adjust accordingly, you know. As well as, you know, I I I try to instill in them too like uh life is what you make it, the company you keep. Life is what you make it.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:02

You know, um those are conversations I've had with my teenager. You know what I mean? Where she's just like, these people, you know, they're my friends, but this and this, and I'm like, well, you know life starts now. It doesn't start when you're in high school or uh in in college. Right. Life starts now. You're building as a young adult. Yeah. As a young adult, you know, and you have to understand that um perception is everything, and you have to proceed with caution. You know what I mean? And and you have to be cautious with who you let around you and the energy you leave around you, you know. Sometimes uh something is easy as cutting someone off because we don't mesh anymore. Energy is not there, can be the greatest thing you've ever done.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:45

Yeah, especially if you want growth and they're okay with being content. Exactly. It's not like you don't love them anymore, but you just want more.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:51

Right, you know, right, right. And some and sometimes you have to love a people from afar, right? I always tell my daughter, you know, you don't have to fuck your friends completely off. You don't have to tell them to go fuck themselves, right? You can step back, yeah. Maintain a little bit of distance because that's not who you are anymore. You're you're this person, yeah. And you can love them from afar, especially if they're doing things that you don't, you know, don't go with your values. Or you're just like, I don't know, dad, you know, it's not really who I want to be. Then walk away.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:24

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:25

It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Learn, I think one of the best things is just to you gotta learn to take your your L's. You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:51:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:36

Uh Nipsey said it best, right? Uh the losses we can't erase, the wins we gonna celebrate. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And that's it, man. It's just you take your fucking loss, take it like a champ. Yeah. One more loss. It's experience, it's experience. Let's go, you know, and and that's the thing, too, is I try to tell my kids, man, like so many times I've talked to people and they're like, oh my god, today was fucking horrible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fuck the whatever. Yeah. You know what I mean? And they just they stay in that fucking mood, bro. And one thing I like to do, and one thing I encourage my kids, like my family and stuff to do is when you get home, count your W's. Count them. Put your L's over here and your wins over here. By far you exceed. Yeah. By far. So somebody cuts you off, somebody's an asshole at work. You have a lot of work, blah, blah, blah, right? Yeah. You woke up, your kids are healthy, there's food in the house, you have a job, you, you know, you made good money today, you saw an old friend, you you made it home safe, you made it to work safe.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:40

Right? You get to spend time with your babies. You know what I mean? You got a dog that you fucking absolutely love. All right, shout out to Trey. Um, the W's out fucking weigh it, man. Yeah. You just take the time to just get out of that mindset. You know what I mean? So much of what we do in life is mindsets, bro. So much of it is you're in the wrong mindset, dude. You're fucked. Your day's fucked.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:04

I remember I talked to this one inmate one time and he's doing life, never has a chance to get in parole, and he's like, just remember that your worst day on the streets would be my best day. That's right. Perspective.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:15

Yeah. Perspective, bro. That's what a lot of kids don't have. Uh honest that's what a lot of human beings don't have, dog.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:23

Perspective. You won't cry, you won't be upset about a bad fucking hair day. Somebody's not eating in another country.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:32

Yeah, I just I just shared this this morning on my story, and it was like every time I hear someone complaining about their life, I want to take them to like a cancer patient and tell them and have them tell that cancer patient all of their sob stories. And if that cancer patient feels bad for them, then I want to see how they feel.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:49

You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:53:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:50

Like, dang.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:51

That's it, bro. It's just we get caught up and I think it's a lot of the the culture that we're that's that's prevalent right now. The the woe-me. Yeah. You know, everyone wants to be a martyr, right? Everyone wants to everyone wants that at it's attention, is all they want. Yeah. And it's one of those things where I'm trying to teach my kids you don't need attention from anyone.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:15

Just like you don't like I do my best to teach my daughter, you don't need a fuck a man, right? Let me show you how to do an oil change. Let me show you how to change some brake pads. Let me do, let me show you how to do the maintenance. Let me show you how to cook. Let me show you how to clean, right? My son, dude. Let me show you how to cook. Let me show you how to clean your shit, how to wash, you know, your your clothes. I don't want you to need a woman, and I don't want her to need a man. Yeah. Right? Like I want them to be a hundred percent with themselves. And I this is something I found out or I realized with when I met my um Marissa, right? My girl. Um I always thought and I always perceive the relationship to be 50-50, right? We balance each other. Yep. And it wasn't until I met her that I realized you have to be a hundred percent. Both of you. You should be fine on your own. And I should be fine on my own. I shouldn't need you for anything, you shouldn't need me for shit. Because as we come together, there's no pressure on each other. Yeah. You don't feel the pressure of fuck he needs me emotionally. Right? Or he needs me physically, or he needs me financially. Right? There's there's there's um there's a freedom to that. Right. We choose to be together. But we're good on our own. Yeah. There's a freedom to that, dog. And there and there's there's an understanding to that. And I think that's why you know we've lasted as long as we have. And it's not a long, but for me, it's been a fucking long time, dog. I don't even remember anymore. You know what I mean? But it's just that balance of we're 100%, and and I want my babies to be a hundred percent. I want them to need anyone. I want them when they choose somebody to to to share time with or their life with, you know, I want them to make the right choices. Yeah. You know, and and um that needy shit, I I can't do that. I can't do that, man. And I don't want them to be needy. Yeah. I want them to be independent spirits and souls on their own.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:15

Well, that's the thing as a dad, too, is like you gotta set that example for who your daughter's gonna go looking for, and then you need to set that example for your son of what he needs to be when he's an adult, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:25

Or it's acceptable as a man, yeah, as an adult, right? As a partner, for sure. Yeah, yeah, and definitely think it's tough, man. Yeah, when they get to that, you know, she's gonna be 16 here in a week, two weeks.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:39

Yeah, dude. Yeah, two weeks, and uh well now you still have time to do a sweet 16 then.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:46

I got I got other things planned for them, but how was it when you first became a dad?

SPEAKER_02 1:56:52

What was that like? Like the I mean you already went through a lot of maturing, but now you're gonna be bringing another another life in that you're responsible for.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:00

Yeah, um, I was freaking out, dog. I think we got close to the date, and I had a friend, his name was Gabriel. Um we worked together at the time, and uh I remember reaching out to him, dog, and I was fucking I was just scared. And I remember I told him, I was like, I don't know if I can do this. You know, I was trying to bitch out right before my daughter was born. I was like, I don't know if I can do this shit. So what are you talking about? I was like, I don't know if I can do this, dog. I can't raise myself. How the fuck am I gonna raise a baby? And he's like, you know, kick rocks on me, like chill the fuck out. You know what I mean? You're gonna be alright, dog. And I was like, I don't know. And he's like, I promise you. As soon as that baby is out, and she you see her and she's in your arms, nothing matters. And everything will click, and you're gonna become the dad you're supposed to become. That simple. And I was like, he's fucking crazy, he's crazy. And as soon as I saw her purple lips, man, it was over. Nothing mattered anymore. You know, it wasn't about me anymore, and it wasn't about it was about that child, you know. It was wild, man. It was crazy, you know. You see features, I was like, fuck, she has my nose, she has my lips. Yeah, you know, and you hold her and you're just like, what the fuck is you know, this is crazy, man. And and that was the beginning of fucking helicopter parenting for me, dog. I was just I wouldn't let people hold her for too long. You know, family would come visit, and I'm like, Can I have my kid back now? You know what I mean? Like me and her mom were we were kind of a joke, or there was a joke about us um with her family. They were like, you know, oh don't hold her too long, Rudy and Liz will get mad, blah blah blah, or they'll freak out. Like we just be very like protective of our kid, you know what I mean? It was crazy, man. It just it changed my life, bro. It changed everything. Honestly, like I always say this shit. If I would have had my son first, I don't know that I'd be who I am. Having my daughter, bro, when I did, you gotta remember, man, I I was still selling dope and stupid shit to try to pay for her stuff, right? And uh I wanted nothing to do with any of that ever again when she was born. I didn't want to fuck anything up. I didn't want to jeopardize shit. You know, I was just I was done, I was on a fucking straight and narrow, no more fucking illegal stuff. You know? I just wanna I just I just wanted to do the best that I could, man. I just wanted to fucking be everything I could for for her, you know. Everything I never had, bro. I wanted to fucking be I wanted to be a dad, you know. And I was the way I see it, there's two ways of doing it, right? When it when you when you when you're raised in j in in generational trauma, right? You continue that path. And you continue to do the bullshit because you were raising it. And it's it's an easy excuse to be like, well, I don't know any better. Yep. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. You're a fucking coward if you say that. I don't know any better. You do you do because you're the product of a broken home, you're the product of a broken man that broke you, right? So you either stop that shit or you continue on the cycle. And we see that a lot. The continuance of a cycle, man. And I didn't want that. So I knew I wasn't gonna fucking be that. I knew I was gonna be the dad that was at every fucking game. I was the dad that was gonna make sure she played sports, and um I was the dad that was gonna make sure she was safe, that people around her weren't weird, right? That I kept that safe barrier. I knew nothing was gonna happen to her because I was fucking right there and I would take the world on if I had to, right? Like that's my fucking baby. It changed me, dog. It changed the fuck out of me. And it was we was Gabriel was right. As soon as I saw her, I knew what I had to do. I knew fuck it. If God came down and said, I'm taking her, I would have said no. You know what I mean? I would have gone against anything, dog. I just knew that was my fucking job now, was to sit, to raise this human being. I'm done. I'm a grown fucking man now. I'm 20 years old. Yeah, it's like I gotta raise her now, you know. Yeah, and that was it, man. I just knew that was my fucking mission, bro. It was just to try my best to raise her.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:31

It's the craziest job that comes with no instructions. Facts, bro. Absolutely. Like you have to do so you have to jump through so many hoops to get a car and you know, or to get your license. They're like, here's your human life. Yeah, yeah. Good luck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:46

Here you go, buddy. Here you fucking go, man. You know, people say 18 years. Oh, you got a whole fucking lifetime left with this kid. Yeah, you gotta do your best to impress upon them, you know, the the morality of of of being a a a decent human fucking being in a on a planet that's made to ruin you. Yeah, you know, in a life and you know, around things that that are meant to weaken you and break you along the way, you know. Good luck. Yeah. Good luck, you know, and fuck, man. All you you know, as a dad, you're just you just you break here, you break there, but you keep building and fucking and let's keep going. And you know what I mean? You either quit or you don't, and I'm not a fucking quitter, man. You know what I mean? It's just it's not in my fucking job description as a father.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:31

It's been cool, like just the last year and a half that I've known you, just to see like how you are with your kids. And I mean, like when I used to get my hair cut early in the morning, you'd have your son with you, and then you know, like like I've heard a lot of the stuff that you've done with your kids and everything, and it's really, really cool. And even in like the last year and a half of like you starting to get into shape and like you quit drinking, like that was a huge thing. Like, yeah, you had never never gone without drinking before, and then now you're it was wild setting these examples for your kids. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like you're those are the generational things that you're changing, right? And that's our responsibilities as fathers, or parents in general, is like if it's not something that I don't want to hand off to my kids a habit or anything else like that, like it's my responsibility to change it, otherwise I'm gonna pass this off to them, right? And all the pain that I'm going through, they're gonna have to go through, and then they have to go through more pain of trying to figure out how to change it, how to fix it, right? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:27

So it's like it's our responsibility, you know. Absolutely, bro. Absolutely, man. And there's a veil that comes with an addiction, right? Or I I get I can only speak to um alcoholic addiction, right? I I don't pretend to speak about you know any other narcotics and shit. I because I've seen some wild shit, man, and it's horrible. Yeah, but as far as the veil, man, that I had when I was drinking, it's fucking nuts, bro. What's normalized? What's fucking normalized, Tommy? Yeah, it's a as a sober man now. I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now? I'm around drunk people. I'm just like, what? What is he what the fuck's going on? You know, and I'm just like, I'm fucking, I'm out. I get home and I'm like, guys, was I that fucking bad when I was drunk? And they're like, nah, you weren't that bad, but you were pretty bad. You know what I mean? And I'm like, fuck, man. The stuff we normalize, man, the behaviors and the the risk that we put our families under. You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy. Like, one of my biggest wins, man, after I stopped drinking was just driving home. Driving my my kids and my girlfriend home after uh actually my after my birthday party. Um halfway there, just I just had this feeling. You know, and I and I call those you know moments of moments of God, right? Where I feel like he just touches me and goes message. And I just remember just having this feeling of like I am fucking stone cold sober, homie. I'm happy as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:57

Because you've never been sober on your birthday before.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:59

Yeah, first time, dude. Yeah, my kids were in the back of the truck and they're bullshitting, they're playing, laughing, and my girl's sitting there chilling. And I was just thinking, like, the biggest W in the world is the fact that I can get my I I'm the one driving, and I know I'm getting my my girl and my kids home safe. And it's me that's doing it. Yeah. You know, and that was it was a fucking, it was just such a big W for me, dog, because you know, from the age of 12 to 30, 37 now, to 36. Um, I never went a day without, yeah, like you said, man, without drinking, bro. And and at my worst, I was a case in a case and a half, maybe two cases, a day, bro. Every fucking day of the week, every goddamn day of the week, twice on fucking weekends, right? Just bad, dog. And the things that I normalized were crazy, you know. It just got to a point where I was like, I'm good to drive.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:57

You know what I mean? And I'm like, what the fuck? What a what am I doing?

SPEAKER_02 2:06:02

Yeah, you know what I mean? And what was it that clicked that made you want to quit drinking completely? I had been saying it for years, dude.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:08

I have been telling my girlfriend for years, like, I want to quit drinking, baby. And she's like, um And she doesn't drink, right? No, she's not much of a drinker at all, actually. Um, and uh she would just be like, yeah, you can. And the next day, I forgot. I was middle of a drunk, you know, middle of a fucking drunk night.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:29

I was like, I want to stop drinking, blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:31

But it was something I wanted to do forever. I just didn't know if I could, man. And um it was just one of those things I think one day I was just like, you know, I just kept saying, I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna stop. And I tried weaning off and it didn't work and shit. And I had talked about it, and uh my family had had a consensus of like wean yourself off because um you know it's tough. You've been drinking your whole life, dude. You can't just not drink all of a sudden. And uh I was like, I I have to cold turkey this bitch because if I don't, I'm never gonna never gonna stop. Um and uh the last weekend, man, we were it was August, I think it was August the 18th or some shit like that. I don't remember Marissa knows, she keeps track of this stuff. Yeah, um we were at the uh State Fair, Idaho State Fair, and uh her parents were with us, and um she had mentioned it to her her mom that I want her to stop drinking. And I remember just looking at her and going, like, what the fuck you putting my business out there? You know what I mean? Like, why would you tell them? I don't want them to know my fucking shit, you know. And uh yeah, they're they're having this conversation right in front of me, and I'm kind of like annoyed, like the fuck, Marissa? You know what I mean? And they're telling me you can't do that. You you can die if you you know you don't wean yourself off and shit, blah blah blah. And I just remember her dad, man, and I told her this, and I've told her this a thousand times, you know. Um he kind of just pushed right in front of them and cut they kind of just parted, like he parted them. He walked straight into my fucking face, bro. He looked in my face and he goes, if you really want to do this, you can do it. And he said, I promise you, if you do this, you're gonna have more beautiful moments. Not that you don't have some already, because I know you do, but they're gonna be so much more beautiful. If you can and you can do it, really.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:21

Was he also an alcoholic before?

SPEAKER_01 2:08:23

He was an alcoholic and he's a recovery. He you know, he he he went through his journey, yeah, and she's told me about that, their past and stuff. Um, and it was rough, you know, and and and he did it. And and when he did that, he spoke to my soul, bro. He didn't speak to me as a man, he spoke to my soul, you know, because what I saw was a brother in arms, somebody that had that addiction, like I did. You can tell me all day, stop drinking. But if you don't have the addiction, I don't want to hear it from you. Yeah, I want I need someone like that, right? And I can see I I it felt like a brother in arms to me. It'd be like, you got this, and and and the belief that he had in his eyes, bro, when he was staring at me. I didn't grow up with a fucking dad like that, bro. So I never had somebody look at me like that. And when he looked at me, bro, like I I I saw the belief in me. And that shit, like, that was it from that was it, bro. That was the moment that I knew it was over. That was it. It was him. He's the one that that did it. He's the one that got me over that hill, you know, because I was just sitting on top of that hill, just resting, like, I don't know if I should. The way he talked to me, bro, and and and the solidarity we we shared in that in that moment, that's what tipped the scale. And he said that and I was like, I'm I'm doing it. And uh I went home Um and I uh I drank the rest of that day. I told him the rest of that was it. And uh there's still fridge, there's still uh uh beers in my fridge left from that day. I didn't finish the 18 pack or 20, but I don't know what the fuck it was. I didn't finish it. So there's still beers in my fridge from that day. And I was gonna toss them the next day, but I decided not to because I wanted to remind myself. And they just they just sit there, they're just sitting in the back of the fridge, cold as fuck. I told Marisol, whenever you want, you can finish those off, dude. I don't know. Hot day, cold beer, and she's like, cool. You know, and they just sit back there, dog, and that was it. I was I never looked back after that. Once I started catching W's, once I started getting my wins in, it was over. It was over. It wasn't even close. It wasn't a fight. It wasn't a fight. I thought it was, it wasn't at all. It wasn't even close, dog. I don't even think about it anymore. Fuck I can't I can't impose how much it was it was nothing. Everything I thought I was gonna suffer was nothing, bro. I went through a time where a doctor told me years before then, if I didn't stop, I was gonna have liver failure. And I went home and I cried like a bitch. And I called my sister and was hyperventilating. And I was crying and I was telling her about it. And I wasn't crying and emotional because I was I could possibly get liver damage or liver failure. It's because I didn't know how to live my life without alcohol. And I was on the phone calling my sister, crying like a bitch, a grown man, because I was scared of living without alcohol. That's what I thought my life was gonna be. I didn't know it was gonna be the supreme, amazing, fucking new life. I didn't know that, you know? Yeah, so when I when I finally realized it wasn't fucking close, not even close on me. My soul was there, my spirit was there. It was just I had to wrap my mind around it. You know what I mean? Yeah, and and it just the elevation I took mentally with that step, dude. It's there's nothing like it. I'd never go back, not for nothing.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:56

Yeah, I'm proud of you, man.

SPEAKER_01 2:11:57

Thank you, brother. Thank you, man. It's it's been amazing, it's been a blog. Blessing, bro.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:01

Not to mention, like when we were trying to track all the macros from the beers. You're like, I gotta track my beers.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:09

I didn't know that it's I know so many That's on me.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:13

I should have I should have been more clear about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:15

I know so much more about macros and stuff like that now. I didn't know a fucking thing. I was just going off what you said. In my head, I calories didn't calculate in the drink, right? I didn't think there were calories. Like, what do you mean? We gotta track that? Yeah, there's calories in it. And I was like, what? And then I look and it's 114 calories a can, and I was like, What the fuck, bro? I'm eating my calories.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:38

And you were pounding how many cans a day? 18 at least. Yes, I mean that's what 1800 calories. 1800 calories on top of whatever you're eating. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:44

Oh, more than eight, it's over 2,000 calories because it's 114 calories. Yeah. Yeah. On top of whatever I was eating.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:51

Yeah, but I wasn't doing shit.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:52

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like you it makes it hard to lose weight if you're not tracking those drinks. Right. Well, and and just and then the feeling you have too of like trying to there you go, you know, sluggish.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:02

Yeah, exactly. That was the biggest one, dog. That was when I when I could finally get up and be like, oh shit, man, I'm spritely today. You know what I mean? Like that was crazy, man. And I'm like, man, I don't want to fucking drink. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 2:13:16

It's nice having that freedom too. Like you're at a party and you're like, all right, I'm done. I'm leaving. You know, and you're not like waiting for a ride, or you're and now you're also not the one that's making a fool of yourself or whatever you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:27

Yeah, exactly, dog. Exactly. Making a fool of myself, fucking uh driving my kids home all fucked up, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 2:13:33

Yeah. Yeah, dude. No, it's been good. Um, I'm sure we could go on for for a butt. We've missed a whole bunch of stuff there of like how you got into barber school and stuff. But yeah, that was a whole journey too. Yeah, man. We'll have to we'll have to do this all again. But it's been cool, man. Just just listening. I mean, you're pretty much like a therapist, you know, talking to people as you're cutting their hair all day, and like you hear a bunch of stories, dude. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:56

Yeah, yeah. I got mad stories, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:13:58

Yeah, we'll have to get you back in here, dude. But I appreciate you coming in and and just you know, spilling it, dude. There's so much value. These these reels are gonna get chopped up, man. They're gonna be so good. Oh yeah. There's so much, so much wisdom, like, especially from people that have lived this shit, not just talk about it, you know, like and can can testify of like, dude, like there's a way out. Like, I've gone through this shit, I've gone through the ringer. Yeah, and uh, you know, especially like on the alcohol part, is that it took someone that has gone through it to be able to help you out, and now you can be able to help other people out because you've gone through it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:30

Yeah, for sure. For sure. I think the biggest thing is if you're gonna be an ally for somebody to help them try to get like sober, don't be a fucking dick.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:39

And saying that is saying it don't push it on people. You know what I'm saying? Don't don't push your values and shit on people. Let them, they're gonna do it when they're ready. Yeah, that's the thing, is you can't rush somebody into something like that. You they have to be ready, they won't have to want it, and they have to want it for themselves, not for their kids, not for their girl, not because of their relationship or their work. You have to want it because you genuinely fucking want it. And when you want it, you got it, you you're gonna get it.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:04

Yeah, it's gotta be their idea.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:05

That's got it has to be, it has to be. And I always tell people that because they ask me, How do you do it? How do you do it? Because I want to do it now. Yeah, you gotta do it on your time, homie. You have to find the right time to do it, and then fucking execute, and that's it. Yeah, just execute and just count your wins every fucking day. Count your wins, man. You know what I mean? And and the biggest take care of this, yeah, take care of this, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:25

The men that's the hard part too, is like once you've gone through it and you feel so good, you're like, you just want to shout it to the world. And you're like, dude, I'm telling you, like, there's life on the other side of this. But if they like, dude, on the fitness side of stuff, like when I lost all my weight, I was like trying to help the help my guys out like for free. And I was like, dude, I'll train you for free, bro. I'm telling you, and they're like, those are the worst ones because they don't want it yet, they don't want it, you know. That's it, so it's like they gotta want it. And uh, you know, for me, I I think it's just just it's easy for me to talk to parents because it's I can relate, and it's like, do you do you want to pass this down to your kids? And if this is something that you don't want to pass down to your kids, then and they they gotta like sit in that emotion and feel that of like, man, this sucks for me, bro. Do I want this my kids to have to go through this pain? Because we all love our kids, you know. Like, do I want my kids to have to go through this? And then that's that's kind of like where I think it starts clicking for people. Is like you when you do realize, like I tell people all the time, like I I worked in a prison, and like you like it, people's environment that they grow up around is how they end up as an adult. Yeah, like you always fail to listen to your parents, but you never fail to emulate them, right? So, like this is what you it doesn't matter. What you tell your kids if you're over here sipping on beer all day and be like, don't drink, that's all they know is like yeah, because they still idolize you, like you're still their parent and they still love you, like even if they tell them not to be like I think they're they're cool. Yeah, my dad drank, I'm gonna drink, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:16:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's you gotta find um but it's gotta be within you, you gotta make that choice. Yeah, and you gotta find safe and healthy ways to be a role model to your child, you know what I mean? I think recognizing your downfall is the biggest fucking thing, right? You're just like shit, I shouldn't be doing this for running my kid, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 2:17:04

And in this day and age of like you're not setting the role for your kids, they're gonna look elsewhere, yeah, or like online. Oh, it's super easy. Who you want you want your kids as teachers at school to be the ones mentoring them, or you want like a stranger, you want them looking on the internet for something, like yeah, yeah, some super dickhead online doing some dumb shit.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:22

Yeah. Yeah, because these kids are more vulnerable than they ever have. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's yeah, we we have a big we have a big hurdle to to in order to keep our children safe.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:34

Yeah, a lot different than you even had when you were a kid, you know? Yeah, you never have to worry about online and all these other things now.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:41

It's just it's made it more accessible to to get accessible to these kids, right? It's it's it's it's it's crazy, man. There's things that are going on in the world, and that's why I I try to keep my hand on my my children's shoulders as much as possible. Yeah, and be there as much as possible, man, because all it takes is a split second and life changes forever. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:02

Thanks for coming on, dude. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, I'm done. Oh yeah.