Episode 41 | Kameron Ross | Humbled by Illness, Held by Faith

In this episode of the Rain Brings Growth Podcast, I sit down with Kameron Ross to unpack a journey that went from discipline and drive to complete humility and rebuilding.

Kameron grew up with a deep love for jiu jitsu, fitness, and service. Between training, the gym, and serving on special teams at the jail where he worked, his life was built around physical capability and mental toughness. Then everything changed.

After months of unexplained health struggles and bouncing between specialists, Kameron was diagnosed with a form of Lyme disease. What followed was a long road of treatments, uncertainty, and loss. He was forced to step away from the gym, jiu jitsu, and the career roles that once defined him. The identity he had built was stripped away piece by piece.

We talk candidly about what it feels like to lose everything you care about, the mental battle that follows, and how pride is broken in seasons you never asked for. Most importantly, Kameron shares the crucial role his faith in Jesus Christ played in carrying him through the darkest moments when answers were few and strength was gone.

This episode is a powerful reminder that growth doesn’t always come from pushing harder. Sometimes it comes from being brought to your knees and learning who you really are when everything else is taken away.

If you’re walking through illness, loss, or a season that doesn’t make sense, this conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Alright, dude. Thanks for coming on, man. I appreciate it. It's funny how we met. 3D Fitness has like pretty much been at least half of my guests on here. So, you know, if they ever want to sponsor this, let's go. But right.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Thanks for coming on, dude. Yeah, did we originally meet uh in the jail though? Like uh were you on transports?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I think I might have seen you like here and there at the gym, and then I saw you at work. I saw you at the jail, and I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. I was like, I think I've seen you a couple times. I was like, he looks familiar, and then I've for sure seen you in at the intake. And I was like, okay, what's up?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Well, 3D Fitness is such like a small community. Yeah. So like, especially if you go the same time every week, you kind of understand who they are. You may not know them closely, but you like recognize them outside of the gym.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Yeah, you got that crowd. I've gone to the the night crowd at 3D, and I don't know anybody, so I'm like, I gotta stick to my crowd.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Yeah, yeah. This week I went to a uh workout a little bit different times because of my schedule. And uh it still wasn't packed, it's never packed in there and never busy. But I'm usually there between five and seven, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. It's the same people every time. It's like it's like the same four or five. Yeah. So that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

You go to like one of those smaller gyms, you don't have to worry about the new year, new me people. Pay a little bit extra, and you don't have to ever worry about having to wait or nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

I was a little worried. I was like, I'm going at 3 p.m. on uh what was it, a Monday? I was like, eh, it could be busy. It wasn't. No, it was just kind of the same thing, it was just a small, small community there.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

I think it's like a small influx around like five to six, and that's it. But yeah, well, cool, dude. For everybody that doesn't know you, let's just hop into it. Where are you from?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

I am from Oregon. Uh I grew up in Newport on the coast. So I went to Newport High. And then uh Beach Life. Yeah, it's like a cold beach, but yeah, it's the Oregon coast. Yeah. So it was a small town, smaller-ish high school. Um, it was a good place to grow up. I had a good friend group, kept me out of trouble.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

What'd you do growing up? You go to any sports or anything?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Yeah, so I was really into uh football. Uh I played baseball until it got in the uh in the way of football, and I stopped. Uh played basketball for a little bit, but then again, it was winter time and I wanted to lift four football, so I stopped and then I did some track, four football.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

All around sports then.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Yeah, uh, I wish I would have wrestled, man. Now that I'm in it really into grappling in jujitsu, I was like, what was I thinking? I would have loved it. But uh played a couple years Division II uh college football at Western Oregon and then hung up the helmet and finished out my years at Oregon, just uh just went to school.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

What position do you play?

SPEAKER_00 2:44

I played uh middle linebacker and outside linebacker, little running back in in high school, except I was a kind of a bigger kid in high school, so I also played some O-line just because I was one of the bigger kids. So uh in college, I could get really big and strong, but I wasn't very fast, and then I could get decently fast, but I wasn't big and strong, so I never really found a balance.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

How big were you?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Uh high school I got up to 240. Dang, but I was lifting, I was strong as ever, uh really into powerlifting. And then I I settled in about 215 in college. So I've been up and down right now. I weigh about 183. So I've been up and down, yeah, depending on what what are my goals.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

So when you were in college, was it more a linebacker then? Yeah, yeah. So I mean you're running a lot more and stuff, so yeah, that makes sense why you lost a little bit of weight.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, I hit I had 240 in my junior year because I was going going for some powerlifting records, and uh I was like, I can't run, I'm too big. So I ended up trimming out and getting down to about 215 and uh feeling much better because I was like, I'm strong enough for high school for now.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

I had a guy come on here that used to be on the BSU team, I don't know what year he was on, but he was telling me about like their nutritionist, and he'd be going through like the cafeteria line. They're like, No, you need to eat more, you need to eat more. He's like, I just got huge, but I was working out so much, and then I just kept that those same eating habits once I got out of out of the football camp, but I wasn't working out as hard and I just got big.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yep. I had a weird kind of uh nutrition obsession when I was in high school. I was a freshman, I was like 145, 150, skinny, and uh my dad was really into lifting and he did some bodybuilding competitions, so I had an idea of what it took, and I ended up just like writing my own meal plan and just like sticking to it for like a year, and I basically just ate as much as I could. I remember chugging down like 2,000 calorie shakes before I go to bed and like half the time puking. So I put on a ton of weight, but I got really strong, mostly good weight, and uh and then since then I've had this kind of uh obsession of tracking data and tracking my food, it's just something I enjoy. So it definitely set some good habits, and then my ability to like go up and down in weight, depending on where I'm at. So yeah, it's been good.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Did you guys do a lot of traveling for your football team or was it a lot of smaller colleges around the area? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Uh well, I was only there for two years, so I registered my first year, so I didn't travel, and then the second year uh I traveled a little bit, um, but didn't play much. I was mostly like special teams, so and Western Oregon doesn't travel a ton, but it was a good experience. It's definitely different than high school ball for sure. So when I was a Don, I was like, uh, you know, where are my friends at? And they're mostly at Oregon. So I was like, I'm gonna transfer over to Oregon, go to Lane Community, kind of dual enroll, and uh ended up getting like a criminal justice degree, sociology emphasis, uh minor in psych. And then um got into law enforcement just like my dad. So pretty much the same thing in Oregon? Yeah, so uh once I graduated college, I did a quick security gig for Apple, one of their data centers. And then I got hired by Jefferson County um sheriff's office in Madras. And my whole goal was like, I'm gonna go patrol, I want to be on the road. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. So that's what I was working towards. And I ended up getting hired by Springfield PD because I was an intern there in college. They knew who I was, like during my oral board, I knew everyone on the panel, and they're like it was it was kind of like a way in. Got hired, uh, spent about eight months there, went through the full academy, did really well. Um what was academy like? Uh in Oregon, it wasn't bad. Um, definitely wasn't as strict as like a like a military type academy, like in California or something.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, I had a buddy a couple episodes ago that went through the California one.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Oh, yeah, brutal, I'm sure. Yeah. Uh we we watched ISP just get yelled at and screamed at the case.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

I just seen their reel they put out.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, so they ISP or not ISP, OSP, excuse me. So Oregon State Penn, they or Oregon State uh police, they have their own academy, but it was at the same spot. So they were very militaristic. Shine your boots, get screamed at every day. And ours was very not like that. It was still like organized. We had to march around and stuff, but wasn't nearly as militaristic as OSP. Um, I'm not sure what ISP is like.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Yeah, I just seen ISP put out a reel or something, and it was their I think it's probably their first day, but it you had all these state troopers getting coming in and yelling at everybody.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Uh you know the whole inside joke of them being varsity and everyone else JV. So but uh yeah, the caddy was cool, and then I ended up just really not liking it. Like I just I couldn't uh I couldn't get into it. Like I felt like I either had to live it every day or um or get out. So I was thinking about I think I'm done with law enforcement, but then um I enjoyed the jail at Jefferson County and they had a spot open at the Muni jail there, so I transferred in and uh haven't looked back since. Um I didn't want to stay there permanently because my wife used to, she grew up in Pleasant Hill right outside of Eugene. So we're like, we're not gonna stay here permanently. We're either gonna go back to Central Oregon where we started at, or we're gonna try somewhere else. And uh Boise came on the radar because their parents went to Boise State and uh came down and visited. It's like, man, this place is really nice, really cool. Then I toured Ada County. I was like, this place is giant because the Muni jail I was working at had like 150 beds. Ada's got 1200.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

So I was like, oh yeah, I could definitely make a career here. They had, you know, all the all the opportunities with transports and court services and and all that stuff. So I ended up putting in for it, and I did a little research with Canyon County and IDoc, and I was like, I just want to go Ada. My wife ended up getting hired by the Boise Fire uh as the on an admin on the admin side first, and I was like, Well, I guess I'm gonna be there commuting or uh we're gonna get hired my first try, and luckily I got hired my first try. So I've been there since 2017.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

What was the process like going through Ada County?

SPEAKER_00 8:27

It was long, long and arduous, probably the most in-depth hiring process I've been a part of because I think compared to the other one in Oregon. Yeah, because at that point I've been part of Jefferson County's hiring process and Springfield's. And Jefferson County's was pretty easy. Springfield's a little more in-depth, and Ada's was long. They had you know really in-depth background checks, um, extensive testing, multiple interviews, all that stuff. So, but I had plenty of experience already, and I knew kind of what it took to do well in the interview process and the whole thing. So um, I had a lot of stuff to lean back on and uh ended up interviewing really well and uh got picked up.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

So were you still wanting to go patrol? Was that still your end goal for Ada County? Like when you had gotten out.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I I wanted to go to a place that was bigger, uh, more opportunities within the jail.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Um, that whole patrol goal kind of faded away after I gave it a shot at Springfield. And uh I've always kind of wondered if the itch would come back, but uh it did a little bit, but I'm like, uh I'm good. And then my son was born, and I'm like, I just want a good schedule. I just want all the I want, you know, uh work that I enjoy and I want a flexible schedule that allowed me to go to all this stuff, and uh we'll get into it later. But now the position I work now with investigations is perfect. That's exactly what I want.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

So, what were you doing in this whole time? Were you still all into bodybuilding and all that during this whole thing?

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah, so I got into football in college. Uh, then I switched it over to powerlifting, got really into powerlifting. Um, and then when I got hired by law enforcement, um kind of was just lifting for fun, no real goals, kind of bodybuilding-ish. Um, and then when I came over to uh Ada in 2017, we went through Archon and all the defensive tactics, and uh I was like, This is pretty cool. Um did a little bit uh when I lived in uh Eugene's Springfield area, um, but just like a very small amount. And then uh 2018 was when uh I got through the academy and I was like, I think I want to try this jujitsu stuff out. Mostly because like I hear about it on like Joe Rogan's podcast and Jocko talk about it. And I enjoyed defensive tactics and thought it was fun, and uh ended up signing up at the base, jujitsu and boise. Now they're in Meridian, and uh now we're five years as deep, so it's technically seven, seven and a half, but I took along hiatus for health reasons, which we'll get into. Yeah, and uh but yeah, it's a big part of my life now, and I get to share it with my son, so he trains too.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Yeah, I wonder how many people Joe Rogan brought to probably a lot.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Jiu Jitsu. Probably. I know that's where I probably heard it. Well, I mean, I mostly uh heard it on his show, and then I was reading Jocko's books because I was really into personal development back then. Yeah, oh yeah, jujitsu just just juju uh jujitsu just kept getting uh brought up and I was like, I probably should try it. And then man, once you once you get through the first couple months, it bites you super hard.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

I'm a huge Jocko fan. My dog's name is Jocko.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

I actually went to uh Origin, Maine, uh the company he's associated with.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Yeah, I got all their camo.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I went to their immersion camp in 2019 and 2021. Uh it was a full week of jujitsu at Echo Lake. So I've I met I've met Pete Roberts, I've met all their guys. Uh JP Donnell, Jocko was there, Jocko's daughter was there. This was before she got really into training. Now she's a savage. But uh super fun time. Um 2021, I went I went with some friends. So 20 2019, it was just me. I was like, I'm gonna go for a week. Um, and then 2021 I convinced a couple buddies to go with me.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

So a buddy of mine just went down to Florida for one of his leadership weekends. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 11:58

One of the echelon front things?

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool. I was like, dang, it's like 3,200 bucks or something like that. It's expensive. Somebody paid for him to go though. I was like, that's a good hookup.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah, I bet I could probably swing Ada County to pay for something like that, but yeah, yeah, it's all in how you present it. When I went to the origin camp in 2019, I think it was like 1400 bucks or something for the full week. Now it's like four days and it's like 30, 3,400 or something.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Did they get your ghys and no ghosts and all that?

SPEAKER_00 12:24

So uh excuse me, when we went when I went there, you get like a camp ghee, and then they have this pro shop where it's extreme discounts, like 70, 80% off. So I loaded up on stuff, barely could fit it all in my suitcase coming back.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

But I switched to origin because I really liked what they were about for they're all American made, all their products, everything. It's not like I was at Sitka and I realized that all of Sitka stuff is from China, yeah. And then it's just and then the market up so much. I thought it was, I mean, it's still a good product, but then I was like, if I can pay a little bit extra and back an American company, yeah. I still haven't tried anything else besides their camo, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

The only thing with Origin is like because it's so handmade and stuff, sometimes their sizing is a little weird.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

But the quality I've heard their jeans are nice. The quality is there, yeah. I I uh bought some of their early pairs and the the the sizing was really weird, but uh their quality is really good. I one of their their big sales recently, uh it was uh Black Friday or something, I went with their uh Rift, Rift 2.0 gi, which is like the the nicest gi you could possibly buy. You know, typically ghys are like 125, 150. This was like a$300 market price. And uh I got it for a lot cheaper than that, but the quality is super good, strong, the the fit, it's all really good. So yeah, I try to support them when I can. I used to be like origin or nothing, yeah. Now I'll branch out and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Yeah, I've seen you rocking the origin like hoodies and stuff in the gym.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, well, at one point I was sponsored by them. Uh really yeah, they were sending me all their supplements, joco fuel, and uh was getting like a little stipend and promoting them and stuff. This is when I would add my jujitsu stuff going on, but uh that's the ultimate goal. I just want to get free supplements and yeah, it's tough. Once you get the social media going, like uh it's nice to get uh free things, but yeah, I'll always be a big fan of them.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

When you were in Eugene, um I'm a big fan of Cameron Haynes, that's where he's from, right? Yeah, is that Mount Pisca? Is that right there, right? That's the one you always run in.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Yeah, I used to work at a gym called Forever Strong in uh Springfield. Shout out to Vic. He uh Cameron Haynes would drop in every once in a while. I'd I'd talk to him, super, super nice guy. Have you ever met him?

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah, I met him one time. Yeah, it was it's on my Instagram because it was like my biggest, fattest I've ever been. Oh, yeah. And I got to meet like one of the coolest dudes. And I'm like, man, I just want to get like a new picture. So it's yeah, it's like a before and after, but I'm like the biggest I've ever been.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

And I also follow his son through it now, who's doing all those crazy freaking crazy too like setting up the the pull-up record. Yeah, now he's he's trying to be a uh running the marathons. Yeah, now he's trying to make the Olympic trials for uh marathon, which is I think his best is like a 228, and he's got to get to like 215 or something like that. He'll probably do it. Like, I don't have any doubt. He's like losing all this weight too to get faster. But yeah, the the Haynes blood is different, yeah. They're built different for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Well, it's funny. I don't know if you ever read that book endure, but like when you find out where Cameron Haynes came from, like he was just drinking all the time. Not I mean he wrote he ran here and there, but he wasn't like taking care of himself like he should, and then he's flipped a switch, so it's not like I mean they got they got some blood in them for sure, but you gotta make some decisive decisions.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Oh, totally. Well, and a lot of people know, like he's up to until just a couple years ago, he was a he had a full-time job. Yeah, working for I think POD or something.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Electric or electricians or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

So he had a full-time job, plus he was training, running all the time, and doing all these crazy hunts.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

So like yeah, working for the city, I think, or something, right? Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. I never knew that until I read that book, and I was like, Yeah, what in the world?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

You'd think like he uh would be a full-time just boat hunter and and you know, runner, but no, he was doing the doing it before work, after work, and then taking time off. So and I think now he's doing it full-time.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

So I think I mean you could probably attest to this too, but like how important the father is in a family, like just working in a jail, like you know a lot of these people just grew up this way, right? So if you're growing up around a freaking beast like Cameron Haynes, and that's all you know, or you grow up with like a druggy dad, and that's all you know, like the dad is such an important role in that family.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Oh, huge. Yeah, I I was super blessed to have a tremendous example with my dad, and uh just uh the best example for work ethic and humbleness, and you know, just put your head down and work, and uh I hope to give my son the same example. So it's been cool, like bringing him on the mats and you know, just showing him that you know I'm working out, staying healthy, just setting that example. Um, because it's it's a huge deal for sure. How long were you working in Ada County before you had your kid? So I started Ada County in 2017. My son was born in 2020, okay, February, right before COVID hit. So uh we were here for you know three-ish years before we was born.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

So where was um where was everything going on in your life at that point? Was everything I know you said you had a a health problem. Where was that in this whole timeline?

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Yeah, um, so we'll get into a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Um is that still further on? I wasn't sure where it's a kid or so.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

It was in 2022. Oh, okay. So it was after after we settled in, after we had my kid, my kid was like two.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Um, and then uh so how was COVID working at a jail? It was crazy. I know it sucked for us. I was on the bus at that point, and everybody's like you're trying to keep keep masks on while they're on the bus. It was so frustrating.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Uh obviously, everyone that works at the jail is like pretty conservative and not wanting to trust the government, whatnot. So, like everyone was pissed because they were trying to get us to wear masks, like the deputies. And it was first like, oh, wear a mask when like you're here, or wear a mask when you're in this unit, or wear a mask when you're like close to people. And then it's like, well, now you got a social distance. And like I was training someone at the time, so like I'd get like calls from like the command staff, and they're like, Hey, like you're sitting too close to your trainee. I'm like, Oh gosh, this is dumb. And it was funny because we'd have entire units test positive for COVID, and like a deputy would be working in there and no big deal. And like we'd have we'd pull units out, and they would think we're pulling them out and telling them that they're all negative, but we're actually pulling out the whole unit because their whole the entire unit's positive is like a COVID dorm. It was just policy after policy change, and like some inmates were freaking out, some weren't uh doing all those temp checks every hour. Yeah, temp checks when we came into work, like we had to all these weird sanitary, like washing things, and it constantly changed like every week. Yeah, and there was there was a couple deputies that were like, I ain't wearing a mask, I'm not doing it. And like they were like kind of getting in trouble, but kind of not like it was so strange, yeah. But I mean, I was lucky that I still had a job. I got some COVID money too, like some hazard pay, right? So uh nothing really changed as far as scheduling goes, but like uh I think uh like jujitsu schools closed down for like six months in the area. I remember that. That sucked. That sucked, yeah. There was a couple it's not essential, there was a couple that were like training underground, yeah. But it was a wild time, yeah. We were lucky that my son was born right before that happened.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

My son was born in June of 2020, so nobody was allowed to the hospital and actually was right in the middle of it. It was so nice. I was like, I'm glad this is nice. Oh, you liked it. So the first time we had kids, like the first kid we had, everybody feels like it was in the living room. I'm like, what are we doing here? Like, this is a all right, my mom was in there, her mom was in there, her cousin was in there, I'm in there. I'm like, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yeah, I could definitely see how less people would be good.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Yeah, I mean, yeah, they came and see us after we got home, and we were only in there for 24 hours, so oh really isn't bad. But I was like, goodness.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Hey, what a wild time.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

I know trying to describe that to someone, like, dude, there was 2020 was crazy. You couldn't get toilet paper, nothing. Yeah, like this. People posting on Facebook, Costco's got toilet paper, hurry! Like, what the world?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Well, we had some people that were like giving us like uh like baby wipes and diapers and stuff because they were afraid that we weren't gonna we were gonna run out.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Yeah. Um but uh I remember people would start taking toilet paper home from the prison. It's like gosh. Yeah. Alright. Yeah, it was a crazy time, but yeah, I was just curious because I I know it sucked at the prison, like the all the protocols, so I'm I'm sure like any state or certain command staff that were like really into it.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah. We had one sergeant that was so afraid of it that the second he got any type of like sniffles or anything, like he like shut down and like went home and like hid in his basement for like a month. And there was a time where I was the lead where I was like the stand-in sergeant when he left. So he bounced and then he called, and like everyone that he had in contact with, he like forced to go home. So like half my team went like was gone. I'm like, how am I gonna do this the rest of the week? So I had to like run like crazy minimum staffing, and uh I would get like calls at like training, like, hey, you were in contact with so and so. They tested positive, you need to go home, and I'm that was a crazy time, and then I'd go and I'd tell a lieutenant, they're like, No, that's stupid. You're you're good, stay. Like, do you feel sick? No, like and I I honestly never really I think the only time I took a test and I didn't really take it right because I wanted to I wanted to go so bad was for that 2021 origin camp. They it was right to the tail end of uh COVID, so you had to provide a negative test to go. So like I went and took some Walgreens like BS test and like barely put it in my nose and all that stuff because like I swear, if this prevents me from going, I'm gonna be so pissed. And then they're doing like on on site stuff, but once you were on there, um, it was good to go. So that was the only time I really even took the test or really cared. May I'm sure I had it. I mean, I was around it all the time, but I don't remember losing my taste or anything. Um but I wasn't really into like and a lot of people they're like, Oh, I'm sick, you know, because they had like COVID pay or COVID. Vacation.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Yeah, you got two weeks pay. Yeah, it's crazy. I got that right in the middle of the summertime. They called me and they're like, me and um another dude had taken an inmate on a medical run in the morning. And then our second one, and we're on our way back with a completely separate dude, and they're like, Hey, the first person that you took this morning popped hot. And they wouldn't even let us enter the institution. We got into the Sally port. They got the inmate that we had currently, put him on the back of a their golf cart, and didn't let us in because we were like corn, like patient zero. We were the first transport to ever like go out and come back in with COVID patient zero.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

We'll circle back.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

So then uh so we go, they take him, we don't even get to go in. They we go park a car, they bring out this bus disinfectant thing and pop it in this little car to disinfect the whole thing. We did like uh a cleaning of our gun, like right in the Sally port, got our guns all like laid out and everything, like it had COVID on it, they were spraying it, just didn't even let us in. They took all of our gear, said go home, and it was in the middle of summer, and they're like, All right, you're gone for the next 10, 14 days or whatever. And I'm like, Well, golf courses were still open, and you can social distance on golf courses. I was like, I'm gonna go social distance on the golf course. My wife was kind of freaking out because we just had our kid, and I was like, I'll go check the trail cams up in the mountains, honey. I'll I'll take one for the team. I'm gonna go. She's like, All right, you don't have to, you can just go in the other room. I was like, No, no, no, I'll go to the mountains.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Yeah, I'll go outside. It's all right. Yeah, I was like, I'm doing this for you. Yeah, that's funny. I was kind of telling people, I was like, I'm gonna continue training, like, I don't care. Um, and one of my sergeants got so pissed, and he said I was gonna be patient zero at Ada County, it was gonna infect everyone. I'm like, yeah, all right, I guess that's me.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

I I was joking the whole time too, and I was like, guys, just watch this opening week of hunting season. I'm gonna probably get exposed or something. And the week before opening of hunting season, they called me, it was like you were exposed. Oh, now they're gonna think I'm my star Joe's like, Who did you pay? Yeah, to tell to say you were a part of their COVID. I was like, gosh. So yeah, the first whole week of hunting season, I was just off. I was like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

There's some there's some positive with COVID, but yeah, it just man, that was like the straw that broke the camel's back for me, as far as like, yeah, I don't think government really has the best interest for us, but we'll not get into that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Yeah, I was glad that I worked in an essential job at that point. Yeah, I still have a job.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

So yeah, that was really I was real thankful. Like, I I'll I'll deal with the BS mass stuff as long as I keep getting paid.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Yeah, right. So what what else is going on with your in this time and stuff? Uh in your timeline.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah, so got hired beta at 2017, had my kid at 2020. Um, I think at that point, 2021 and stuff, I was I was shifting over to just getting crazy obsessed with jujitsu and training, and probably my providers are a little bit shifted, and I'm pretty stubborn.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

So were you promoting during this time on jujitsu?

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Uh yeah, I was I was training a lot, competing a lot. Um, and uh I could feel a little bit of the strain into my family, and uh, I think God like gave me some hints of like pull back, like this is getting you're getting a little bit too obsessed with it. And uh check your idols, yeah, totally. And uh there was times where um my wife and I would get into some marriage counseling just to continue to improve our marriage, not that we were in a really rough spot, but we would, and like I remember distinctly like sitting there and being asked, like, well, what does jujitsu mean to you? And I'm like, well, it's everything because it it's pretty much everything at that point. So I think that was kind of a precursor to um my health struggles that I had in 2022, and I can get into it a little bit if you want me to.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Um I was trying to think of like what's an overall theme for uh what I want to talk about, and I came I came up with um a kind of a saying of when I stopped trying to force my life back, God used the pause to rebuild it better. And I'm I'm a big like I'm just gonna outwork everything. And throughout the whole process, I couldn't outwork it. Like I had to be patient, I had to let go. So we'll we'll get into a little bit. Um, but in early 2022, I was dealing with some shoulder pain, and I was like, well, I've had some shoulder pain in the past. Uh, ended up getting uh labrum surgery in high school from a football hit. So I tried PT. Um, I tried to fix it, but after about six or seven weeks, I was like, I don't want to continue to do PT, I just want it fixed. So probably not the best idea, but ended up getting all the tests, and they're like, Yeah, there's some tears there. I was like, all right, surgery, let's get it fixed. So in April 2022, I got the surgery fixed. Um, and my expectation going into it was fix the shoulder, get back to training, and then move on with my life. Um, so I had surgery well. I had like this crazy elaborate rehab plan. I like researched for hours and I talked of the best PTs and best nutrition, all that stuff. And I crushed it. Like it was the best rehab I've ever had. Um, got better every week, uh, ended up getting back on the mats and uh thought I had it fixed. Um, but then I started getting that pain back. So my biceps started to ache. I had some weird neurological symptoms in my hands, some numbing. And uh so then I was getting a little worried. Um, I was like, uh, maybe I rushed it too back, uh, or rushed um getting back to juicy too fast. And then um mid to late 2022, the the symptoms started to like spread. So like it wasn't just in my arms, it was in my shoulders, it was in my neck, upper back, and it just progressively started getting worse. And I was like, this doesn't make sense. Like, if it was purely just a shoulder issue from the surgery, then it should be just located in that one side. Um, so of course I tried everything shoulder PT, cervical PT, chiropractor, acupuncture, massage, no answers, no relief. And um I started getting pretty worried. Uh I was like, this doesn't make any sense. So late 2022, early 2023, um they became systemic. So like my whole body hurt. I felt like I was at the flu. I had these weird, like my vision, oh, I had weird vision issues, um, energy levels were down. Um, it got so bad where just putting on my uniform like started to really wreak havoc on my upper back. So I ended up uh going to light duty, and uh, which was like a big ego hit because I was like, well, I just got done with surgery, I just got done with rehab, I'm trying to get back to jujitsu, and now I'm going to light duty at work. And I remember sitting in front of my lieutenant's office, like, I can't work right now. Like, I can't focus, my upper back hurts, my neck hurts, and I don't know what's going on. Like, I can't figure it out. And I was starting to do the circle of all the doctors. Um, and no one was giving me the answers. They're like, yeah, this doesn't really fit, like shoulder issues. So I did blood work, I went to a neurosurgeon, I got uh cervical MRI, neurologist, rheumatologist, physical medicine. Like, I did everything. Like I ran, I I was literally like going to every doctor I could think of, and I was using all my connections. So I would say, Hey, do you know anybody that could see me? So I got into like a neurologist uh way faster than normal, which is a blessing. So I ran the gamut. And at this point, like I was starting to get depressed, I was starting to like question my identity because I couldn't lift, I couldn't train jujitsu. I was light duty at work, so I wasn't doing anything active because anytime I do think active, I get way worse. And I'd get my energy levels would dip, and I literally would have would have weeks where I just feel like I had the flu. It's like this doesn't make any sense. And there was times where my whole body was just hurting, aching, and I would go like hour to hour. I was like, all right, I just want to I just want to uh last one more hour of just like getting better, getting better. And um I shifted towards uh I had like two focuses don't quit my job because I need the money and show up for my family. So that's all I was focused on. Um, and one verse that I I I really leaned on was James 1, 2 through 4. And it says, Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. So I like I hung on to that verse. Like, and a little background to me, I grew up in a Nazarene church. I I have an incredible foundation in Christ. Um, I'm not the best Christian out there, I'm not saying I am, but it's deep rooted in me. And I I it like it was almost like everything was stripped for me. My identity in lifting, my identity in jujitsu, my identity at work, me being that physical, getting after a guy. Like I felt like I was completely stripped. So then I was like, I should probably start going back to church. So got into uh Rock Harbor, um, ended up running like a uh I think you're or at least you've gone through it or going through it, uh, re-engaged with my wife.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Yeah, we just got into the email yesterday for a closed group. Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

So yeah, so we we we we ended up doing that. Um, and I started like reintegrating myself with with my faith um because everything else was silence, everything else was there's no more noise. And we've never really tried to have a Christ-centered marriage uh before that, so it was a really good opportunity to kind of dig into that. Met some friends, got in a small group. Um I ended up getting baptized again because I was baptized when I was a kid, so I ended up getting baptized again in the river, which was super cool. And uh, and then at that point, I was like, all right, I'm just gonna kind of start letting go of things and just seeing what happens. And I'm still going to see doctors and I'm still trying to figure out what's going on. Um, but I I feel like I I started to loosen up of my death grip of me trying to fix it. And because the more I death gripped, the worse I got because the anxiety, the stress, and I was like, well, I just wanna, you know, I need to work my way out of this, but I definitely couldn't. So in early 2023, so it's been about a year since the whole thing happened, so it's been a while, and I I was on light duty for over a year, which is a long time. And credit to Ada County, like, no questions asked. They were like, What do you need from us? And we're gonna take care of you. So I ended up uh getting transferred into our investigations unit, which which is my full-time position now, and I was a light duty position, and I was like, Well, I'm gonna do everything I can to prove that um I'm I'm still worthy of you know working at Ada. So I'd like to.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

What were you doing before that?

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Uh I was just uh before the light duty spot. Yeah. I was just a regular deputy in housing.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Yeah, so I moved around booking, housing, dorms, all that stuff. So at that point, we only had one investigator and we didn't even have an analyst. So anytime a person on light duty would uh get assigned, they'd usually shift over to investigations and help them out. So luckily there was a spot open, and um I remember working at a desk and I was like, I because I'm usually like I'm gonna I'm gonna be the one like working the units and helping inmates and doing SRT stuff, but like now I have to like research things and write reports. And at first it was really, really hard.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Yeah, the SRT, that's the special response. Special response theme.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Yeah, so I it was basically going from a physical job right at the Gator County to now a desk job, which I didn't think I would like. And as I got into it, I kind of developed this uh passion and interest in it and got really good at reports, got really good at testifying, and uh that year was just an incredible opportunity to learn a new skill, and ultimately it helped prove to the commissioners that we needed two spots. So my work in that light duty role actually helped the Ada County prove the that uh they were gonna ask for a second spot and then get it approved because they've been asking for a second spot for years and a second investigator, second investigator, and now they had actual data of like, hey, now this was the this was the work that was produced with two investigators during that year, like we need two. So um that was another like whole hindsight's 2020 thing. Like, I was put in that spot for a reason. Ultimately, it's now it's my full-time spot. Well, we'll circle back. Um, but getting back to the whole story, uh in early 2023, um, I finally gained some traction of what could be going on, and I met with an osteopathic doctor who um dealt with this thing called uh low-dose immunotherapy. And I remember sitting in his office and I told him my whole story, and I tracked everything from who I saw to all my symptoms to you know how I was feeling to what I've tried. And I remember just like literally in tears telling him, like, hey, this is what's going on. I know I'm not right, even though my blood works good and all the tests seem fine. And uh, funny story, he actually went through a chronic illness um back in when he was uh uh a young adult uh of Lyme disease. And he's like, This sounds like Lyme disease. I was like, that doesn't make any sense. How can I get Lyme disease? And he's like, Well, we're gonna try a few things and they're gonna be kind of like a tester. And I'm gonna give you a low-dose immunotherapy dose, and either you're gonna get better or you're gonna get way worse. And either way, that's gonna be an indicator we're on the right track. So we uh we tried the low-dose immunotherapy, and I got way worse. Like the next day. Every like all my symptoms I had joint pain, fatigue, skyrocketed. And what sucks about low-dose immunotherapy is you can't continue to dose it, you've got to give your body back to uh like the baseline and stabilize. So I had to wake another six weeks to try it again at a different dose. And we did that, I think, two or three times, and I just kept getting worse, kept getting worse. And I was like, all right, well, I think we're on the right track, but this is taking forever. And what are my other options?

SPEAKER_01 36:22

So So if it gets worse, you're either they know it's Lyme disease then?

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Yeah, because um basically you're having a reaction to it. It's almost like an allergy test where like you you give someone um a certain um compound or whatever, and they react to it, then hey, they're they're allergic to it. So I was just getting overdosed. Like I was I was having too much of this supposed reaction to cause this tick-borne illness to fire back up. And basically, it's a if if I had to describe it simply, it's an autoimmune issue to deal with your immune system. And it depends on who you are, it can affect all different types of systems. Some people deal with energy, joint pain, some people deal with um you know, fatigue. Um, but it can hit any of your systems, like digestive system, vision. Some people get really bad, some people get bedrin. Um, so I was lucky enough not to, but because of my health background and understanding what feels good, I knew something was off. So um finally I was like, well, at least we have a direction, but where do I want to go? Like, what's what's my next step? Because when I started researching Lyme disease and tick-borne illness and chronic illness and um immune system issues, there's like a million treatments. And I spoke to a friend, one of my wife's friends, um and she's like, Hey, I know this guy, uh Dr. West out in Pocatello, who has a clinic, and it's like a non-Western medicine clinic where they do a lot of your untraditional stuff, like IV infusion therapy, acupuncture, red light therapy, um, herbal medicine supplements, all this stuff. And she had a ton of success with him. So I was like, Well, let me uh let me give him a shot. Um, and but it was it was tough for me to do it because he was really expensive.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

And um not covered by insurance, no, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Not even close. Yeah, and uh so I I like did a video consult with him, and he's like, Yeah, this is kind of what we see, what we think's happening. And he he was able to do some blood work where he'd look at my blood and he'd give his professional opinion of what he thinks is going on. And um, so I ended up uh talking to my parents, and I was like, I'm this close for quitting my job, like I I can barely handle daily-to-day life. And uh they're like, hey, whatever it costs, we'll pay for it. So super lucky. Like my parents are like, hey, you're good to go. Um, so I ended up going down there for a total of 10 treatments. And when you go down there, it's like a three-hour drive, and um it's like a full-day treatment. So you have like you get hooked up with uh IV nutrition, like uh heavy doses of vitamin C. Um, they do like a they clean out your blood, you do acupuncture, um, you do a bunch of supplements, they have a few other things that they were doing, like ozone therapy.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

Um when they clean out your blood, is it like the same thing they do for um what's that like a kidney or liver thing where they have to kind of similar, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Uh they run it through like a machine and they throw it back in. Yeah, um, and uh after those 10 treatments, like it was um it definitely moved the needle. Like, I'm like, I feel better.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

How far apart were each one of those treatments?

SPEAKER_00 39:45

Uh it was weekly, so it was 10 weeks. And thankfully, my work, I was working light duty and I could move my hours around, so I was still working, but I was traveling down there. And uh after 10 treatments, I was like, man, this is starting to feel really good. And um, well, better at least. And but it was not sustainable, like there's no way I could continue to do that. And afterwards, I'm not I'm not um, I don't regret doing it because it gave me another, like, hey, this is probably what's going on. Um, but I think I expected to be fixed after 10 treatments, yeah. Um, but that's not how it works, and they didn't really sell me that, but like they definitely did not sell me that, you know what I mean? And come to think, come to find out like a lot of their Lyme disease patients and chronic illness, like they'll do it for months. Like some of them will move to Pocatello for like a year and do it every week. And if you do everything for uh for uh for that long period of time, you basically just sit in the pocket of being really healthy and all that stuff going in, like, yeah, you're gonna get better. But I was like, I can't do that, it'll cost thousands of dollars. And it's not a long-term fix, it's not a long-term fix, it's more of just like kind of a band-aid, but it's uh it didn't seem like something that I could sustain. And also I didn't like going there because it there's just people that were sick around me. No offense to people that were there, but like it was almost like going to a hospital every week. Yeah, and uh after the 10 treatments, I thanked him and I was like, it's really good. And he's like, Well, you know, I want to continue to work with you, and they gave me the whole thing, but I was like, Well, let me let me pull back, and um I know I'm getting better, and uh, but this isn't sustainable. So again, I dove back into research, and a couple of Bible verses that I was leading on at the time was um 2 Chronicles 2015, he said, Listen, all people of Judah and Jerusalem, listen, King Jehoshaphat. This is what the Lord says. Do not be afraid, don't be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God's. That's what I was feeling like I was fighting. I was fighting this weird battle of like this health issue where I never thought I'd be in. I was the healthy guy, athletic guy, the person that get after it. Now I'm dealing with this weird health issue. So I was like, this isn't mine to fight, this is God's. And then another, what's that?

SPEAKER_01 42:03

How to take a toll on your family and stuff. We went through all this. You know, you don't have energy, you're traveling every weekend.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Yeah, it was really tough. And credit to my wife. Um, we had like a three-year-old at a time, three-four-old.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

So, like, a lot of energy with those. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

So, so like she she could tell I was just going through it, and I didn't have any outlets. I didn't have I didn't have training, I didn't have lifting, I didn't have physical activity. Like, I was just trying to, you know, live day to day and trying to figure out who I was without all that stuff. And ultimately, like I figured out like all these things I do is not my identity. My identity should be rooted in Christ and it should be rooted in my family and and and my morals and ethics. So it was like a big gut check. And I think it needed everything to get pulled away for for for me to kind of understand what my priorities were. Um, so it was tough. I mean, um, she's a trooper, she it didn't grow up in the church, and she was willing to go to the Rock Harbor, re-engage with me, and start a small group. And um, you know, she kind of just held down the fort. You know, I wasn't completely disengaged, but I wasn't my full self. Like I remember Halloween and Christmas Day, and I'll look at back at photos, and it was funny because as I was getting better each year, and this was ultimately like a three-year process, I'd look back and I'd I'd have these moments of during the year where it'd be like a almost like a um a memory would pop in my head of like, hey, last Halloween I remember how I felt, and I remember I felt just absolute like dog shit. And now at this Halloween, I'm feeling a little better. And then I'd go, it was like Christmas. So it was like these big events. I'd remember how I felt last week and or last last year, and I was like, oh, progress is being made. But when it's so slow, you don't know it. But it's got every year you like you really notice how much you made progress. Um, and then one other verse was um probably one of the biggest I I leaned on to this whole thing was John 13 7. Jesus, you don't uh Jesus replied. You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will. And that was something that I was like, all right, I don't know what's going on. And I don't know what the ultimate purpose is this, but I know there's going to be a reason for it. And now being on their side, I kind of understand, and we'll circle back at the end of kind of the lessons I've learned and the benefits I got from it. So going back to the whole thing, I stopped going to Dr. West, did a ton of research, and I was like, I need to find a doctor that specializes in tick-borne illnesses. I need a doctor that can take my insurance. I need a doctor that's willing to be aggressive, but not overly aggressive, and it's not going to cost thousands of dollars. So I ended up finding a doctor in Seattle who took my insurance, and Seattle flights are pretty cheap. Um, and I flew up there, and um my first appointment was June 27th of 2023. So this all started early 2022. Now we're in June of 2023. So it's been a year and a half. And most of this year and a half, like probably a good chunk of that. I I wasn't training, I wasn't doing anything. So I felt like I was just a shell of who I was.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Your body's getting all smaller and everything.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yeah, like just like I because I I I used I I there was never a point in my life that I wasn't working out. Right. And like, but I was just worried too, like I was scared. Like I had this metal block of when I work out, when I stress my body, I get worse. So I ended up just stopping and just not doing it. Yeah. And I wasn't like gaining a ton of weight or whatever, but I wasn't, I wasn't being physically active. Yeah. So we're a year and a half into it. I go to my first appointment, um, and she does a bunch of blood work, like really specific blood work, and she goes, Yeah, this is a positive test for me. We're gonna go for the Lyme disease. For the Lyme disease, yeah. And I won't get into the whole thing, but Lyme disease testing sucks. Um, you have to do specific blood work with uh doctors that know how to read it, and um, and then half the battle of Lyme disease is the blood work may not fully show it, but you still have it. So you have to try things and see what happens, kind of like the LDI. So I was like, all right, what are we gonna do? So we ended up running um antibiotics uh pretty heavily for like six months, which is crazy because antibiotics suck. Um, they just make you feel, you know, run down and um tired. And uh there was a couple antibiotics that didn't really react well. Um, but uh we ran some specific ones, and then we switched over to more herbal and natural products. We did run some peptides and uh some supplements, which another thing that sucks about a chronic illness is like there's a ton of supplements you can take to help, but if you take 25 supplements, like it gets pretty expensive, and obviously insurance doesn't cover it. So I'm trying to make my best with like buying things that I really need, but not overbuying, and because people can like absolutely go bankrupt trying to get their health back, which when you have a health problem, that's all you really care about. Um, so I finally got to a point where I was like, all right, I'm working with this doctor, I'm going up to Seattle every couple months, I'm doing video visits. Um and I kind of shifted from how fast thinking, oh, well, how fast can I get better to um how do I heal properly and then stay well. So like I slowed things way down. I was like, this is a long-term approach. And I was talking to my doctor, and she's like, Yeah, you just have to start stacking months together, months together. And you know, in a year, you're gonna be, you know, maybe from 75% to 85%, and then another year, 85 to 95%. And you're gonna learn how to basically live with this autoimmune issue. And the longer you are in a environment that's healthy, the the more, um, the more you can stay there. So um we we started getting better. Um couple Bible verses was Romans 8 18, present suffering and future glory. I consider our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

So I got my roots.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

Yeah, there you go. Um, which is uh a verse that I I hung on to, and I found all these verses like that's perfect for me. I'm gonna lean onto this, and I'd I'd repeat it like every day. And I was like, there's a there's a reason for this. Um, this isn't gonna compare the future glory I have. Um, and then it was about like rebuilding my life as far as like bringing things back in really slowly. Um, I tried to get back into jujitsu. Uh I made multiple attempts to get back, like this was in 2024, and I was still death gripping it. Like I was like, I have to get back to jujitsu. I have to get back to jujitsu. And what's funny is um uh every attempt that I tried to get back to jujitsu completely failed.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_00 48:41

Um I I'd try a couple weeks and then I'd get frustrated, and then I would, I would, I would get worse, and then I'd stop. I and then a couple months would go by and I'd try a couple weeks and I get frustrated and I stopped. Um, but I found it was grit alone wasn't enough, and discipline without wisdom uh backfires. So I ended up getting to a per certain point where I was okay with never training again. And I think that was the big mindset shift and heart shift was I think God was trying to get me to was you need to prove to me that you're good with never training jujitsu again, and then maybe you'll get it in the future. Um, and that's not how it always works, but I got to the point where it was like this overwhelming piece of yeah, I don't know, I'm good if I never train again. I'm good with it.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

You feel like it was a priority switch that had to happen first?

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Totally. Oh, a huge priority shift that had to happen first. And it was almost like letting it go. And um, and I thought I was done. Like I sold all my ghys, I sold all my rash cards. Well, I actually ended up keeping one, uh, just in case. Um, but I was like, I'm good with it. Like I was told my friends, like, I'm not even trying to come back anymore. All I'm focused in on is rebuilding my life, getting back to full duty, getting back to adding SRT. And that was another thing is when I was getting sick and going to light duty, I pulled everything off my flate. Like I left the SRT team, I went on light duty, I stopped uh instructing, I stopped training jujitsu, I stopped strength training, like everything that I was doing, I completely pulled off my plate so I could just focus on healing. And then um it was like a really slow um addition back in. So it was like adding this and seeing how I feel, adding this to see how I feel. Um, and really my my my focus is shift from um fully moved to health, family, health, faith, and family. And then only after I let go of that jujitsu and that focus was when it started to enter my life again. Um another verse was Philippians 3, 3, 13 through 14. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. So I leaned on that verse in this that certain time period because I was so focused on what I used to be, my identity before, and I was still holding on to it. And I was like, I need to leave that behind and I need to move into who I'm gonna become because I feel like this whole season of two years of figuring out this health problem, there's gotta be a reason. And it's gonna turn me into who I'm supposed to be rather than being trying to get back to where I was before. And that's the big reason why I think each attempt to get back to jujitsu wasn't working because I was so focused on what I used to be. It's been two years, like you're a different person. Obviously, the skills are are there deep, but like it's gonna take a long time to get them back. And then Kanan started training, like my son. So uh February 8th of 2025, Kanan started training jujitsu. So then training for me shifted from just trying to be uh for myself, but it was more of uh it was connection with him, it was legacy with him, it was presence with him.

SPEAKER_01 51:59

What made him want to start training?

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Um, we got him into wrestling, and uh he's a boy, so we're like uh you know, I'm really a big fan of grappling. I still I still loved it. And we ended up meeting Levi Jones at Rock Harbor, who runs a wrestling academy, and he's like, hey, my son is about this your son's age, you mind bringing him by? And that was the only reason we really got him started. So we brought him by, got him into wrestling for a few months, and then um I was like, you know, I should probably get Canyon into some jujitsu because I know it'd be good for him, some a good outlet. And then uh at first, when I started him at 208 um in Nampa, I was just watching from the side, and it was kind of hard for me to be in there um at first, but then I was like, again, I was totally cool with it. I was just happy to help. And then I started getting uh getting pulled onto the mats with him to kind of help him out, help the class. And then I was like, all right, well, I don't need this anymore. I don't have to come back, but maybe we'll give this one more try and and see what happens. So in May of 2025, uh May 25th of 2025, I returned to training. It was slow, intentional, sustainable. I wasn't chasing my old self, and um I was focused on building something better, not building something that I used to be. Um, that was what, seven months ago? And we're still training. Um, I'm close to 100%. Um I'm super intentional, super disciplined, and uh I'm not rushed. Um, a Bible verse I'm leaning on now is Jeremiah 29, 11. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, there are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and of hope. So it was crazy. Like I tried all these times to get back to jujitsu. It wasn't working, wasn't working, decided okay, I'm done. I'm I'm good with it. I don't need it anymore. And then Canaan started training, and then I came back in a new perspective of this isn't gonna be my main priority. It's gonna continue to be below faith, family, you know, all that stuff. And it's stuck this time. So it's like, I guess I needed a hard lesson of you need to have jujitsu at a certain point where it uh doesn't take over your life, but uh it enhances your life. And then now it's like I train with Kanan Tuesdays and Thursdays, then I take him to open that on Saturdays, so it's kind of our thing together, and it's worked. Um, so a couple things that um I wanted to touch on that I got from that season of suffering. Uh that light duty position led to new skills, new perspective, and a new job opportunity, which I would have never had that opportunity because one, I wasn't really in investigations, I didn't read a lot of reports, I would have never applied. But after that year of light duty and and and feeling it out, I was like, yeah, this is something I could possibly do. And then when I interviewed, I was like, I've already done this job for a year. Like I was almost a shoe-in. And there was no way, I mean, there were some really qualified guys that are really good that I would have not beat out if if I didn't have that light duty experience. It's a huge blessing. And I would have never known. And I and I'm thankful that I took that opportunity to do as best I can and prove that I could do it. Um, because now it's a schedule that's flexible. Um, weekends, holidays are off. I love my uh supervisor and command staff, and I'm I enjoy the work. So it's just a huge blessing, which I would have never never had unless I would have you know dove deep into this health issue. With jujitsu, um, less training is forced efficiency, faster progress with fewer reps. I have like no wasted rounds. It's super intentful. Like I'm so grateful just to be on the mats that I'm not wasting anything. Like before, I was just all right, who's the hardest guy to go with? How many rounds can I get in? But now it's like every session I pull everything out of. So I have this new perspective of like, how do I learn the best? How do I get obsessed with learning and how do I learn the fastest? How do I basically like what's the minimum amount of time I can get on the mats and then get the most out of it? Which I would have never done. Like it's a whole perspective shift before I was just trying to outwork everybody. Eventually would have ran into a wall because your body can only handle so much, right? Um, with my health, um, I'm way in tune with recovery, stress, and overall, overall health. Like, I spent so many months constantly monitoring my body that like now I'm very in tune of something's kind of off or I need to pull back. And ultimately, I think I'm 37 now. Ultimately, I think it'll be a benefit in the future because um I understand my body a lot better now. And before I was like, I'm just gonna hammer strength training and hammer jujitsu and ignore my body. Now it's like I get these red flags or something. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna pull back, I'm gonna take a session off, I'm gonna work on sleep. So it'll be a huge benefit in the future. And then obviously with my faith, um, it's strengthened beyond theory now. I actually lived it, I don't just believe. And it's not like I needed I had belief before, but now I see the whole thing of like God put you through this so that you can become this. Like, I have no doubt. Like now, any any big obstacle I face, I'm like, there's a reason for this. So I just don't get as stressed anymore. Like, I don't get uh all wound up, I don't get worried, I don't have nearly as much anxiety or stress because I've been through a certain point, and don't get me wrong, I was at my lowest point, depressed. Um, only thing that was holding on was my son and my family and work. That's the only thing that was holding me, holding me through. And um now it's like um I just I have a perspective of I know everything's gonna work out for the good, you know what I mean? So it's I've I've lived through it with marriage. Uh we had that re-immate re-engaged marriage course, uh, which was awesome. We tried Christ centered marriage, which was awesome. And then a big thing I learned throughout was um how much support I have for my friends and uh the jujitsu community. Um, one thing that that was cool that was happened was the gym that I train out now, um 208, they uh they did a fundraiser for me when I was really sick. And uh shout out to Reese, he thought of the idea, and um, this is when I was really worried about financial stuff. I was like, how am I gonna pay for all this? This is right before I went to Seattle. And a ton of people came out, they did this big fundraiser thing, and they literally handed me like a few thousand dollars to pay for this whole thing. And I wasn't planning on training at 208 uh after that. I was I was good with being done. But now that I'm training at 208 after that fundraiser thing, it just feels good to like give it back a little bit because they really took care of me. And I this wasn't even my gym uh originally. I I didn't even train there, but I knew some people that trained there, and um during that time when I didn't train, I didn't lift, I wasn't really a active member at work other than investigations, like you really figured out who who the the real ones were. I remember almost weekly coffee dates uh with uh Jake Blanchard, a good friend of mine, who like kept me on track. Um, people would text me and check in. Um, and like those are the friends that I can count on forever now, because I could tell like they they knew me as Cam before this, and then when everything was stripped, jujitsu, strength training, all the physical stuff, they still stuck with me. Um, so it was it was a good reminder of like who's the real ones for sure. Um and then a couple things, um, just some some bullet points that the lessons I learned was uh focus on what is, not it, what if. Um, seeking help is strength, not weakness. Timing is a tool, not the enemy. Gratitude changes everything. Um and faith is an anchor for everything. Um I think that the the whole thing, um, if I had to boil it down, was for the first time in my life, effort, grit, and willpower weren't the answer. Every time I tried to muscle my way back, I paid for it. And progress only came when I stopped trying to control the outcome. So letting go was huge, realigning my whole priorities was huge, and um I wouldn't change it. Um, like I said, when I stopped trying to force my life back, God used it to pause to rebuild it better. I wouldn't ask it upon anyone, but I would not take a minute back. It's completely changed who I am. I have uh a uh like a joy and a great uh uh gratitude for life and a perspective of um I've been in the depths of really low, and I had to force my way down there to really figure out who I'm gonna be. Um, but uh I mean we're pretty much back, and um I never thought I would go through something like that. I never thought it'd be uh, you know, those people that are sick or those chronic illness people, like I have a new appreciation for them for sure. Yeah. So it was a it was a crazy ride, and the whole the whole thing, probably early 2022 to late 2025, and then 2025 I always felt pretty good, and then 2026 right now I'm pretty much back to normal. So it's like a three-year process.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:05

Do you still have to do any treatments or anything now?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:07

Or anything like yeah, um, very minimal. I take a uh like a micro dose of a uh medication called uh neltroxone helps with autoimmune issues um and some uh inflammation response, but it's just like a uh one pill at night. And then every three or four months I'll run like a herbal uh like blast where I'll kind of keep things in check. And then every six months I'll check in with that Seattle doc and make sure everything's good. But other than that, it's just managing stress, managing nutrition, managing uh overall uh training load and uh knowing when to pull back, and it'll be something you kind of live with wherever. They say with Lyme disease, um you never really be cured of it, but you put it in remission. And then as long as you keep those things in check, um, and I was talking to the doctor, I was like, Where do you think I could have got Lyme disease? Yeah, because typically it's from a tick bite, right? Um, and I used to live on the East Coast when I was like a little kid when my dad was in the military, and uh could potentially have got it then because you can get bit and then it can harbor inside, and then it cause then a obvious oftentimes a stressful event like a surgery or um a really stressful time period can kind of throw things out of whack, and then it just kind of gets hold of your immune system, and then it goes uh you take the dip. So that could have happened like decades later, huh?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:37

Uh which is which is wild to me. Or uh maybe it could have been those origin trips to Maine. There's a lot of ticks uh um over there, or maybe even some trips to Montana, you just never know. Um, it doesn't really matter. Um, but uh I it took a long time for me to accept like this is possible Lyme disease until I started doing those tests and then I started trying things out and getting better. So um it was uh it was a wild uh few years, uh but like I said, I wouldn't take it back for anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:07

How many things had to line up for you to get to that one doctor that said that they had that as a kid or something? A lot. I went to a lot of doctors, like you gotta think about faith of like how many things had to line up for the doctor one person to be like, yeah, I know what this is, when everybody else couldn't figure it out with all the other tests, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

And no one else even suggested maybe a chronic illness or Lyme disease because it's kind of taboo a little bit for some reason in the medical community. Um, and I went from like real doctors to neurosurgeons to uh rheumatologists to all the blood work, and then I don't remember who suggested, I think I went to a pain clinic, uh, a physiatrist or something, and he's like, Hey, I got a guy who deals with really weird cases, you should check him out. And uh when I told him my story, he's like, Yeah, dude, I used to be a high-level, like almost Olympic skier, and I went through this weird illness of we couldn't figure it out for so long, and then that's why he got into low dose immunotherapy because I ended up fixing him. And he's like, I ended up it ended up being Lyme disease. So yeah, the whole uh journey to that point, um it started. I was like, okay, we're on the right track. And um I think uh throughout the whole thing, I I think it took so long because it was really testing my patience and really changing my heart, working on my priorities and letting me let go of I'm gonna outwork this, I'm gonna grit through this, and just leaving it to God and being like, This is your battle, I'm not gonna fight anymore. And uh once I started doing that, I think things started lining up. And then the Seattle doctor was just a blessing because there's tons of doctors all over the United States that um charge an arm and a leg to help you out, and they probably get better. But like to me, to find a doctor that is a quick flight, takes my insurance, is aggressive but not overly aggressive, and works within a budget um was perfect. So she got me right on track, and then it was just about letting time do its thing. That was one thing I really struggled with was like, I want to get better now. I don't want to wait six months, but you just have to sit in it, get into a healthy environment. And I've seen a couple of these celebrity people that have dealt with similar things, they go to like the most expensive treatments that are in like Mexico and spend 40, 50,000, 60,000 for these heroic treatments, and they'll feel good in like the short term, but it never fixes it permanently. So thankfully I figured out I was like, all right, I need to like slow roll this and just add percentages for months on end. And uh eventually I'll get to a point where I am in the 95 to 100%, which where I'm at now.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:51

Did you ever ever any ever have any of those questions of like why me? Or you know, like why why am I having to go through all this? I think about like Job, you know, and how he just Had like the best faith of every like he didn't question, you just like I know there's a purpose. But we were talking about that last night at our ministry meeting about Job and like the things that you have to go through for a purpose to make you stronger for certain events in life. Um and I just just wondered if you ever had any of those moments going through that where you're like oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:21

I mean I had I had a ton of uh questions of because like I I take a lot of pride in like my my work ethic and um um my my output. I I a big uh thing that is tied to my identity is like the work I produce. Um so um I was like I I don't deserve this. Like I I I'm not a bad guy. Like I I uh I I was um trying my best uh and like why is this happening? And that's when I started leaning into those Bible verses of like um, you know, your present suffering is not gonna compare to your your future glory. Um, you know, everything works out for the good. You don't know what I'm doing, but uh right now, but you will later. So I really hung on to those uh to give me some hope. And I think that's what people need to grasp when they go through these these these tough seasons is find something that's gonna give you that hope because there will be a point where you understand. And once I started seeing like a couple things of like, oh, this is maybe why it's happening, I started just to snowball and it started to become easier. But like when I was I had no answers, every doctor was saying was good, but I felt horrible. I wasn't doing anything I liked, I was on light duty at work and I felt lost. I I it was tough for me to to not get super depressed and feel like you know I was at a dead end. So yeah, I I dealt with all those questions of why me, um, what did I do to deserve this? Yeah, and uh like I'd read Job and I'd I'd read some of the Bible stories, and um sometimes you just gotta kind of sit in it and just like let the time pass, which is really hard for me to do, even today.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:11

Yeah. Yeah, I think about that part where you touched on that you had so many things going on, and then when you were sick, you only cared about one thing, and that was your health.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:20

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:20

Because I talk to a lot of potential clients, or like we have calls and stuff, and they're like, uh, it's just not a good time right now for me to worry about losing weight or my health. I got so much stuff going on in life, and I try and tell them like you have right now you have a bunch of things to worry about, but if your health hits and now you only have one problem, and that's the only thing you care about. So, how do you prior how does somebody prioritize their health before it's too late?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:46

You know, yeah, and I never experienced that because health has always been something that's I've always worked hard for it, but it's never been a problem for me. Yeah. Um, and I've I always heard the saying, you know, you you know, if um something about like uh if you have uh your health problem, that's the only thing you care about, like you said. And uh it was kind of it was hard, but it was also easy for me to like give up everything because I was trying to get better. Um, you know, go light duty at work, drop SRT, stop training. Um, because it's all it was all encompassing of if your health is not there, uh your health is you you're with yourself every single day, right? Um, so I think if you realize how um important health is to benefit all areas of your life, like it's kind of gotta be the foundation. It's not something that you could um focus on so much, like when I was getting obsessed with jujitsu. Um, but it's something that you have to have that foundation in order to reap all the other benefits. And sometimes it's a hard lesson you gotta learn. Um, and some people won't won't ever learn it. But like I'm grateful for that time of struggle where my health was my main problem because now I'll never take it for granted. I'll never like it's really easy for me to stay healthy now because I know it's if that's not there, everything else is gonna go by the wayside. So to get that perspective without going through a tough season um is tough. It's really tough.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:23

Uh you touched up on the gratitude part of it too, just being grateful. And I think that's such a huge part, too, of like everything you were going through, you still had gratitude going through that because that's such a mindset shift. Like you could be getting down on yourself, you could be, you know, you did hit the why me's, but then you switched it soon to going to the Bible and like knowing that you're going through this for a reason and grateful, and I mean you're still waking up every day and you got your kids and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:45

So, like I had to find those, okay. What am I grateful for? Like, even even with my health being seemingly declining, me thinking I'm dying, going through all the uh you know, tests thinking like they're gonna tell me that I've have cancer or something, and uh, so all that super anxiety and stress was super tough. Um, but I had to figure out like, okay, I still have a house, I still have a job, I still have a loving family, I still have um my son who doesn't really care uh how I feel right now, he just wants me to play, you know, with him in the in the living room. So finding those small things that to be grateful for just kept my mind in the right direction and uh kept me grounded. That's another big, big takeaway was I'm just way more grounded. I feel like I'd be more present. Um, I have more peace just because like I've seen the other side of what uh a health struggle could be. And now that like I feel pretty good, it's just I I just feel like I'm I'm living on like a higher level, almost like a different vibration, which wouldn't have wouldn't have happened if um I didn't face some type of struggle. So the the bigger the struggle you face, there's gonna be some awesome benefits if you get through it. And I think there's a a direct uh correlation, you know, like really hard struggle, like really good joys is coming. You just gotta you just gotta hold out. And that's the biggest takeaway, I think, for me is if you're going through a really tough season, like God's preparing you for something.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:16

Uh something awesome. Because he wouldn't be pushing you through this hard season if uh he didn't have some awesome plans for you in the future. And you're not gonna know it unless you, you know, don't give up and uh almost just like let the time pass and just continue to trust in him.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:34

Yeah, it's really hard for the people that don't even have faith and then they're just going through this and they're thinking it's all on them and they have to figure it all out.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:41

I don't I don't I don't understand how people do it. Like people that have gone through similar uh health issues or or struggles or um tough seasons. Um when you don't have that hope, like I don't know how people do it. Because I I hung on to that as tight as tight as I could. If I didn't have that, like who knows if I would have made some rash decision or you know, made a permanent decision when I was really down in the dumps. Like, who knows? So uh I'm super thankful. And I I feel like and I've talked to people about this, like my whole life kind of like built me up to a certain point where I could handle this. And you talk about how God's never gonna give you something that you can't handle. Um, if I wasn't super healthy before, if I didn't have a strong foundation in faith, if I didn't have a supportive family, a supportive work, like a lot of things lined up for allowing me to get through it and then see the other side and then reap the benefits. So if you are in a season where it's super tough, like know that you have the tools and you have the grit and you have the support system to get through it, because God's not gonna give you something that is just gonna crush you, like it's gonna feel like it, but you're you're gonna get through it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:50

So I think also it gives you those things that you feel like you can't handle so that you'll lean on him.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:55

Oh, yeah, totally. Um, he is close to the brokenhearted man. He is uh I've never felt so close to God when I was uh at my lowest point, and that's another grateful thing to be if you are struggling, like God's really close to you at that point because you you're that's every all the noise is gone. So grateful for that time period. Um something I reflect on often. Um and uh the perspective shifts has been has been pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:24

I think some people have a hard time believing in God because I mean I know myself speaking from just for myself and what I went through as a kid, I was like, there's no way there's a God because of all the things I've been through, how could this be a part of my plan? And later on in life, like 20 years later, now I'm like, oh my gosh, there's all these things that had to line up just perfectly to get me to where I'm at now. There, of course there's a God, but like when you're in the depths of it and you don't have any faith, it is hard to believe. So, yeah, what do you think in those moments for people that are going through these things and they have those doubts of there can't be a God because I'm going through all these? Like, what's your advice for that?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:01

Yeah, if they question their faith when they're deep in the struggle.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:05

Or any like they just don't have a faith because they're saying, like, you know, how can there be a God if if he's going if I'm put being put through all this? People are like, hey man, just believe in God. I can't believe in God because look at all this I'm going through. Why would there be a God that wants me to be uncomfortable? Which is a big myth, too, is that they think it once you're in a faith that life's just gonna be easy.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:26

It's the complete opposite. Um, I I feel like there's always if there's good, there's gonna be evil. Um there's gonna be you know joy, there's gonna be suffering. It's just kind of uh it is what it is, and you'll never know in the moment why things are happening. Um and I try not to question it because I'm just a you know dumb human and I can't figure everything out. So like um the greater purpose is is hard to see, and you may never see it. You know, some people will never understand why certain things happen until you're in front of the big man himself, like you never know. Um, and you may and and and you should it's it's hard to be okay with that. Um, but I think it's pretty narrow-minded to be like, oh, I'm not gonna believe because there's some bad things happening in the world. Um it's just how how things are, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:12

What's the biggest lesson that you learned through this whole thing that you want to pass on to your son?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:16

Man, the biggest lesson. Well, I want him to know like how much of a vital part he was in keeping me grounded, because um without him, you know, of course I would add my wife still, but like he gave me so much strength um to not give up and continue to show up for work and continue to show up for him. Um and then even now I wouldn't be training jujitsu unless he started. Like he's he's such a big part in where I'm at physically, mentally, emotionally. Um so like I I would just want him to know like he played a huge role in um my recovery and me getting to the point where I am now. Um and then just uh to always have gratitude, appreciate the the hard times, um, know that uh there's gonna be joy in the future. And uh when you face those hard times, try to be, you know, try to welcome them and then um know that there's there's things that are coming. And I think if you you look at a hard situation and and almost kind of get excited of wow, this is really tough, uh something cool is gonna be happening soon. So um I think I'll I'll when he goes through tough things, I'll remind him of you know the struggle that I had and ultimately everything I got out of it. Um there's always purpose in the pain. Always.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:50

Was he old enough to understand that you were going through some stuff?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:53

No, no, no. I don't think so. Um I think he was like two, three, four. Okay, so not really. So uh and then and so it was up to me to continue to show up, right? Right to show up at work, um, to show up for my family, to show up for him. And uh even when I was at my worst of like I felt awful still show up for him and and take him to the park and all that stuff. So um it's uh it kept me on track, like it kept me going. You know, I was like, I can't, I can't just give up. It's it's way more than just me now. You know, this whole thing is I have to uh I have to provide a life for him, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:36

So that's a cool lesson that you can pass off to him. Like even when I didn't feel like I wanted to do something, I still had to show up because it was more, it was bigger than just me. Oh, yeah. You know, that's a cool thing that he can see even you guys going to jujitsu or anything, like the times where he doesn't want to go, you can be like, Well, there's times that I didn't want to do things, but I still had to do it, you know. Oh, exactly. Because they're that's the thing I always tell my clients is you know, I deal with like their health and they're losing weight, so they can not pass on those those uh generational curses to their kids. And um, it's like your kids are always watching you, they may fail to listen to you, but they're never gonna fail to emulate you. So these habits and traits that you're they're betraying to your kids, like they're just gonna pick up on it.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:17

So yeah, they're gonna pick up on it whether you say it, whether you teach it to them, they're just gonna see it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:23

So um, a couple things, uh, a couple notes that I put down. Um I didn't come back stronger because I pushed harder, I came back stronger because I learned when to surrender, what to prioritize, and how to fully show up, even when the outcome was uncertain. We just talked about always showing up no matter what, no matter how you feel. Um, so basically, uh the whole thing is surrender turning into refinement. Um, I didn't heal by fighting harder, I healed by letting go of control, identity, timelines, and ego, and allowing my faith, patience, and intentional living to rebuild me into someone stronger, calmer, and more grounded than before. So it took a lot for me to let go of control and my identity and um all that stuff because that's something I had a death grip on. And uh until I fully let go and surrendered um to the process and letting God handle it, that's when I started to heal. And with chronic illnesses, um, half the battle is mental because your mind is such a powerful tool. So, yeah, you're you're giving it all the supplements and nutrition to heal your body and antibiotics, all that stuff. But one thing I've noticed is a lot of people they're still stuck because it's a mental thing. So um that's another thing I had to really work on through this whole process of fighting those demons of anxiety, worry, stress, uh, doubt. Um, and then every time I added something back into my life, it was I was worried. I was worried I'm gonna get worse again. Um, so I had to go through this whole mental battle of uh allowing it to settle and be patient with it and work on my mind just as hard as I was working on my body.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:02

How big was prayer during this whole time for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:05

It was big. Um, I prayed a ton. Um, and uh more than I probably have ever prayed, um, you know, before doctor visits, uh, on times where uh I felt the worst, um, on times where I wanted to quit. Um it was like a it turned prayer turned into more like a check-in of like, all right, God, here we are. You know how I feel. Where do I go next? Show me, give me some light, you know. And then typically it would be, you know, uh, you know, thought would pop into med with canon, or um, you know, my my my body would change or something and I'd feel a little bit better, or or like I would see another doctor or something that so like I kept putting the pieces together and it was almost like he was walking me through the whole thing. Um one giant lesson of patience and letting go of control and um changing my identity um because I had it wrapped up into all the wrong things initially. So now I try to keep it grounded and keep things in perspective and not have any false idols and uh not uh and I still struggle with today, like I get crazy obsessed with things and uh I just need to constantly remind myself that keep things in balance and um keep my priorities lined up.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:20

Have you ever had any opportunities to talk to like inmates when they come into the facilities of like faith? Like hey, they're like going through a hard time, like, hey man, I don't know if you ever get a chance to talk to them. Like maybe there's a reason why you're going through this or something. I don't know, like yeah. Um I know that, and that's the thing too, it's not like everybody wants to hear it. So sure, but I didn't know that'd be like a first thing I thought of is people at their lowest, and sure. They a lot of people do change when they go into jail. Like if it's just a for a weekend or something, like the wake up call that they need or you know, total wake-up call for some um like the first DUI or something like that, you know. I think it will go back multiple times for DUI, but like their first one, they'd be like, Okay, okay. Um wait, but those hard moments in life are the ones that unfortunately it usually takes something hard or a health scare or something like that before someone's like reconsiders their life choices.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:14

Yeah. I think I I can't think of any specific moments, but um, I've definitely had a few conversations where you know that moment could be a turning point. Um, like you can go two directions. And that's where I will I felt a lot of those questions when I was in in the midst of it. I was like, well, I can either like give up and this can get internally worse, or I can uh try to find some gratitude, try to find some peace, try to find uh a way out of this, um, and just take that next step, take that next day, and uh not try to figure it all at once. And that's another thing I struggled with was I'm a big planner, so uh not having a step-by-step way back to full health was really bothering, really bothered me. Um, I just had to trust the process and not rush it. And instead of looking down the road six months, I just had to say, okay, what can I do this week to stack those wins and um get a little bit better? And eventually you're gonna get to a point where you're all the way back. So it definitely helped me with patience and um being um willing to just uh not know the answer at that point and being okay with stepping into the uncertain for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:28

Yeah, yeah, there's a scripture somewhere, I don't know what it exactly what it says or where it's at, but it was talking about like tomorrow is a waste of time to worry about, yeah, because it's not guaranteed. Right. So like don't worry about the things that you can't control tomorrow, and like just the present moment is what you need to worry about. And I've really thought about that because a lot of people do like the New Year's resolution goals and things like that, and I'm like, why am I gonna plan out this whole year? Because even if I were to tell you last January where I'd be right now, I would be completely off. Like you have no clue. Oh, totally, everything's gonna change, so only like now I just worry about like each day, like you know, my discipline each day. I need to wake wake up on time, or you know, like little things, like you said, yeah, stacking those small wins is such a huge thing, and especially in a like a mental shift, you start winning just like little things, and then pretty soon you won the day. Yeah, you won enough days, you win the week, enough weeks you win the month, enough months you win the year, right? Yeah, so it's like just worrying about what you can't control. A lot of people just worry about what they can't control. Yeah, that's I'm not a big politics guy because I can't control it, you know. Right, I can control a lot more of my own household, right? It'll affect my life personally than a worry about what's happening in another state or country. It's like, come on, guys, just worry about what you can control.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:41

Yep. Yeah, and I'm I'm all for with like having like a long-term plan, but I've gotten more into the okay, what adjustment can I make today or tomorrow to move me closer to where I want to go?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:53

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:54

Um and and and going back to a little bit of jujitsu, like now it's more of train, it's more of adjustments I can make each training session rather than like trying to get really good right now or plan my whole year out. Um, it's what have I learned from this session and what can I do better next time? And then that's all I'll look at. And then just constantly stacking those together more and more, you know, like stack the days, stack the weeks, stack the months, stack the years. Um and uh I like small adjustments um that are sustainable. Uh if they're not sustainable, I probably shouldn't be doing them. Uh, and that's with nutrition and uh working out and all that stuff. If it's some drastic change where you can't sustain it long term, that's probably not the best. So um something that you can do for the long term is gonna be way more beneficial than like a two-week blitz and give up.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:49

How beneficial has fitness been in your whole life just for your mindset?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:53

It's been huge. Um uh stress reliever, um something uh some goals um to chase after, to have like a little carrot in front of me that I'm always working towards. Um something difficult, you know, something hard during your day. Um definitely a something that continues to ground me, um, you know, challenge me. If I don't have something that I'm working on getting better at, I kind of feel like I've lost. I know they there's that saying of like when a something about a wolf that not having not having something to hunt is kind of like lost. They they need something to to chase, and there's always got to be something I'm chasing. That's probably why jujitsu has been such a uh something I've been interested in too, because it's it's uh there's no ceiling, it's infinity. You can go you can get better for the rest of your life, and it's very a difficult puzzle to solve. So it it challenges me mentally and physically. So um something I hope I'd pass on to Kanan of have something physical in your life. Um, and there was a point where when I thought I Done with jujitsu. Um, I was really really enjoying the outdoors and hiking and um getting out there and doing something hard, but also enjoying nature. Like that was something that helped uh a lot too. I actually have the sawtooth uh tattooed on my arm um because a big hike I went to during that time period uh was up to the sawtooth. So um just find something that that challenges you and uh keeps you from you know drifting away and getting lazy, so staying motivated and physical fitness has been huge.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:32

It's been easier for me to find God when I'm hiking.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:34

Oh, it's yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:35

It's like how could you not find God when you're right?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:38

Well, my wife she always jokes about don't you dare get into hunting because I know you'll get crazy obsessed with it. She's probably right. So um I know a guy. Yeah, uh, I know I'd love it, so maybe wait till you find out about golf.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:50

Yeah, you never get tired of that. My dad's 85 and he's still golfing.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:55

My dad recently retired, and uh he is now a member at a uh golf resort club thing, and he does it like every day. Yeah, so that's pretty cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:06

Dude, um, I think I think just staying active in general is good for your mindset, whether it's hiking, hunting, golfing, jujitsu, whatever you want to do, going to the gym. I think for anybody they could go to the gym though, just get your body moving. Yeah, like we're obviously both fitness guys. I wasn't always a fitness guy, I was overweight, and I can definitely say that my mindset and mentality has completely shifted since going to the gym. Like, and I'm not I'm not a gym bro, I'm not like a muscles guy. Like, sure. I just know for me, my mental health has got so much better since I've gone to the gym, and then it got even better when I started going to church.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:42

How old is your son? Five. Five. When's he turned six? June. Okay, my son turned six in February.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:50

Yeah, I thought about putting him in. I don't think he'd stay focused at all in Jujutsu.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:54

Yeah, uh five or six is pretty young to start. Um the only reason I started him when he was three or four in wrestling was one, the coach invited us and he had a son that was the same age. And uh two, I was on the bats with him, like guiding him because he's yeah, couldn't stay focused. But I was like, if I had to like wrangle him in, I definitely could.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:16

So uh I wrestle with him all the time just to like try and get some energy out of him. Yeah, and I'll make him like fight his way out, I'll let him win, but I'll make him make him work for it, you know, just to get some energy out before bed and then he'll crash. Nice. But I've been we've been talking about going and taking our kids to jujitsu, our girls, because I feel like they need more toughness or like I don't know. I've I'm a big fan of them having a hard life without like having traumatic life, but I don't want them to be too easy, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:46

I tell you what, the little girls in Kanan's class, uh, they're savages, dude. They uh they get after it and they beat up the little little boys. That's awesome. So I think it's a tremendous life skill, something that uh I know I don't know how far Kanan's gonna push it, but like it'll always be something he could do with dad on the on the in the summer or uh whatever sport he's not playing. Um and uh it's definitely our thing Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then now I just take him to open mats on Saturdays because I give my wife a break in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:20

So yeah, I remember Jocko was talking on one of his podcasts that he wished he wouldn't have forced his kids as much as he did. Yeah. So I've like trying to take that consideration, but I wanna I still want to get him into it. Like at least go try it, you know. Yeah, I just feel like they need they need something, especially my oldest daughter, she's a little soft. She's like cries a lot, and so I think she just needs some just like the first couple times, maybe she'll not like it and then keep going. I I'll make her go for at least like a good two months and then we'll evaluate. But yeah, I want to make sure I might my second daughter, she'd be all for it. She's always trying to wrestle, so I think she'd love it. She's she's 10, she'll be turning 10 this month or next month, so it'd be perfect for her. Um, but it's like I think it's really good for any kind of discipline for your kids. Yeah. Like just to be disciplined in a sport, not to be getting disciplined, but you know, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:14

Like, yeah, it uh it teaches perseverance, uh being comfortable, being uh uncomfortable, um, working through problems, you know. Uh one thing I wanted to touch on was a big thing that uh before this, I always felt like I was driven and disciplined and um focused, but uh having no other choice but to show up even when I was feeling my absolute worst. Um, now that I don't feel my absolute worst, like it's so easy for me to show up now. Like I don't feel great, it doesn't matter, I'm going anyway. So throughout the whole process, like I showed up when I couldn't perform, I showed up for my family when I had nothing left. I showed up for my marriage and I kept doing the work when I didn't feel like it. And then I showed up to the mats, not as my old self, but a more present one. So I stopped measuring my life by my output, but I started measuring it by my presence. And I still struggle with being present um because I'm always like planning for the future and thinking about the next day, but like um showing up and being present, um it was a lot easier when uh I didn't have anything else, there was no noise, and then showing up despite how I felt. I mean, that was for a couple years. Like I didn't I didn't feel good, so but I but I had no other choice, like I had to keep showing up. And once that's ingrained, like you know how how many days it takes to perform a habit. But once I got over the hurdle of, yep, I feel absolutely horrible, but I'm gonna show up anyway and somehow get through the day.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:40

Where'd that come from? Was that something you were growing up with from your dad?

SPEAKER_00 1:33:43

Or yeah, I think so. Um I I think I had it before, which thankfully I had some of it before, but it just it refined it and strengthened it like no other. And now I have this weird, relentless drive of how efficient can I be? Um, and how how how much better can I be in all these little areas? So I thought I was um dedicated before, but now it's there's like it's like not even an option just because I've I've felt what it feels like to show up when you don't want to. Um and it it takes repetition, and it's hard for someone that isn't forced to do it and still does it, it's really hard, but I had no other choice. Like I had to. I had to show up for work, I had to show up for my family. Um, I I couldn't just give up. So it was almost forced upon me, and that was a huge benefit. Now I feel like it's now it's like uh it's automatic.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:33

So yeah, that's a big life skill. If you can pass that down to your kids, just being consistent and showing up. Showing up, yeah. So even if you're not giving it 100%, but you're still showing up and giving it 20%, yeah. And doing that consistently, it's way better than only showing up when you feel 100%. Yeah, like mathematically speaking, you can add it up. Like it's gonna be if you only show up once every couple weeks when you feel 100%. Like, yeah, I say this all the time on my reels and on my stories of for my fitness side, it's like there's three out of five days a week. I don't want to go to the gym. Yeah, but I gotta go to the gym because I know if I don't, I'm gonna end up taking stress out on my kids and my wife or whatever, and it's not fair to them. And like, I need to keep my body in a certain shape because I still need to be able to show up, and if I let that slip, it's gonna let my mindset shift. Like it everything goes downhill. Yeah, you can't expect your your body that's attached to your mind to not slip if you let one of the others slip.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:25

Yeah, it's a slippery slope for sure. Um, and uh I'm thankful for it. Like I said before, um, I wouldn't wish it upon anybody, um, but I wouldn't I wouldn't take it back for anything. There's so much stuff I've gained from it, and I'll continue to gain from it um from that whole experience. Um and uh it's made me a better person. It's definitely changed me a hundred percent. And uh I'm glad that uh I can look back on it now and kind of pull all the things that and even even today, like uh, or even um being this far removed, I I I find things I'm like, oh I definitely learned that during that time now. I can appreciate it. I at that at during the time I was like, this is this is crazy. I I'm not sure why this is happening, but now I understand.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:15

How do you feel like all this that you've gone through is gonna affect you later on in life now that you have like a new found appreciation for just the little things?

SPEAKER_00 1:36:24

Just more joy, um, more gratitude. I think um I have a a renowned dedication to health in general. Um, and I thought I was focused on health before, but now I don't take a day for granted. Uh I don't take a day on the mats for granted. Um I uh I just don't get things don't stress me out as much. Um I think long term, and my doctor in Seattle said this is like you're gonna be so in tune with your body now that you're probably gonna be live a much more healthy life in the future just because you gone through a period where you were checking in all the time and now you you you you're not gonna let your health slip because you know what it feels like, you know what I mean? So I think it's gonna benefit me in the long term. Um and uh something I will uh be grateful for.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:15

What's a supplement that you think everybody should take that you've learned about during this whole time? I mean, I know there's some supplements that are specifically for what you had, but like did you start taking any vitamins or anything that you could really tell a difference and you just continue to take after that?

SPEAKER_00 1:37:28

Um I think vitamin D is really important just because uh we get winners here. Um I'm a big fan of fish oil, um, creatine, those are the big ones. Um but I'm trying to take less supplements because uh there's so many that you can take. Yeah. Um, but as far as like immediate impact, um probably not a specific supplement, but hydration's huge. I try to drink a lot of water. Um sleep is huge, and then monitoring your stress levels. Like I think I I physically feel worse when I'm starting to get stressed out about things, or I'm my sleep starting to go, or um, I'm a little bit lazy on my nutrition. Like now I I rarely ever drink um just because it's like a major trigger with inflammation in my body, like way more than before. Um, so uh it's just like we talked about stacking the small wins. Um there's not anything that's gonna make some giant difference in your life. But if you sleep a little bit longer, you drink a little bit more water, and you eat a little bit less processed food, you're probably gonna feel better. Don't try to do it all at once. Um make these small changes that you can sustain and uh do it for a long period. Um, and eventually they're gonna stack all I look at it as like all these little percentages that I can throw into a bucket. And uh if they all start adding up together, it's gonna be a big difference. But it's not only gonna be one thing. Um, I a good example is uh I'm a big fan of like hydrogen water, um, where I was taking the pills where it was like uh you you drop a pill on a water and it would kind of hydrogenate it and drink it. And I was like, oh, this makes my sleep a little bit better. Then I bought one of those hydrogen water bottles for like 50 bucks on Amazon and I was like, yeah, this makes me feel a little better. Now I have like the best one you can buy. It's called Echo Water Bottle. And uh I drink three or four of those throughout the day, and I do feel a little bit difference in energy and inflammation and sleep, but it's not an end-all be all. Like it's if I was only doing that, it wouldn't work. But if I have good nutrition, good sleep, uh, and then just tinkering with in tune of well, I feel pretty good. Well, why? Or I feel worse, why? And then making small changes um over a long period of time, I think is is the biggest difference I've noticed.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:49

I think that thing you hit on too of like the all or nothing. Yeah, like everybody trying to that's a lot of issues with the new year, new means they're like no sugars, no eating out, no fast food, no, no sodas like it's too much, yeah. Of course, of course you're gonna fail.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:03

Like and I I always fall into this of more is better. Um, with like even jujitsu, like I'm training three times a week. Well, if I trained five, I'd be way better. Well, not necessarily, you're gonna get hurt or you're gonna get burnt out. So, like, there's a sweet spot, and I think that's where it forced me to find a sweet spot in my health where I'm gonna stay here and then just let it ride for weeks on end and feel that upward trajectory of my health. And I wouldn't notice it for months, but then, like I said, those recurring holidays where I'd almost like have like a flashback of, oh, I remember last Halloween, I was like cutting my pumpkin and my arm was all numb and I'd my neck hurt, and now it feels pretty good. Or I remember last Christmas, I'd wake up and I'd I was dreading getting up for the day because the only time I wasn't in pain was when I was in sleeping, but now I'm like happy to be here. So like it was like these flashbacks of you don't feel the progress in the immediate short term, but you will eventually when you look back six months, a year. So I wouldn't get discouraged if you don't feel progress right now. Um, you're not gonna see it right now, but you're gonna see it in a few months if you stay consistent, which is hard to wrap your brain around. You're like, I want to see it today. Yeah, like I'm gonna work out and feel like way better, uh, or I'm gonna lose all this weight. It's that's a long process. I think anything worth anything worth um going after, anything worthy of it, uh, is gonna take a lot of time, a lot of patience.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:30

I like the toilet paper roll analogy of like if you take one sheet off, you're not gonna see a difference. You take two, ten, you're not gonna see much of a difference. You take like 30, 100 sheets off, it's gonna get a lot smaller. Like that's what your that's what your progress is gonna look like. You just gotta keep being consistent.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:43

And then if you fall off, like realize that you're not gonna start where you were before uh and don't get discouraged. And that was one thing I did work through a lot of mental issues was when I left jujitsu after my shoulder surgery and got sick, like I was a I was a year into my purple belt. Like I felt like I was pretty good, like I was starting to do well with a lot of people and handle my own. I was respected in the community. And then like two and a half years go by and I'm trying to get back on the mats, and like my body's not in tune with it, I'm not my tendons aren't strong like they were before. Um, it was like a huge ego check, and it was such a humbling experience to get back and work with my way back into something. So if you fall off the wagon of either health, your physical activity or your sport you're doing, or uh just getting healthy in general, like that first initial month or two is gonna be really tough. Um, just because um you're gonna in your mind you're gonna be at where you used to be, but you've got to regain that ground. Um, but that's when you go back to the gratitude part of just being appreciative of being there and like taking it as slow, probably slower than you think you need to take it. Because if I was to rush it back, like those first few attempts, it doesn't work. But the slower I always was, the more patient I was. Um, and the more like forget about my ego, like yeah, it's who cares if I'm a purple belt and I haven't trained for two and a half years, I'm basically like new again. Um it will eventually, you will eventually get up to your old self, and then you'll have all this experience, and then you'll blow past, and you're gonna be so much smarter from it. So if you do make the mistake or fall off the path, like they say, once you get back on, you're gonna you know be smarter, you're gonna be more efficient, you're gonna know, have a more appreciative where you are. So ultimately it'll get you farther, faster. You just have to grind through those first um couple months of being back.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:33

So did it did it take you a little bit to get your technique and everything back once.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:36

So it was probably three months of probably two months of just re-acclimating to jujitsu um because it's a different type of uh callus on your body, kind of um different type of uh stressor, and you can't mimic it, like you can lift weights all you want, all that stuff, but like a physical activity where you're doing something that attacks your joints and is very aggressive, like you just have to be in it. And uh there was plenty of times where I have to pull back and like take a couple extra days off. Um, and then the timing, the timing and the technique came back pretty fast because it's kind of ingrained with you. My body wasn't ready for it. So it took two or three months to kind of get back in my groove, and then another two or three months to kind of get to where I thought I was before, and then now I've I'm training so much more efficient that I feel like I'm making faster progress than I was before just because I have a better training perspective. So it was about six months, and you always talked about are you here, people that leave and then struggle to come back, and that's because once you get into that momentum of being on the mats and and working out in general, that momentum, once you stop it, it's hard to start again and rebuild that momentum. But once you have the momentum, that's what showing up on days where you feel like it's 25%, it's way better than not showing up because if you don't show up, your momentum starts to stop. But if you show up and just do what you can, um, eventually you're gonna have some good days again. So um the momentum is huge, whether it be in jujitsu or working out or nutrition. Um, and I'm sure you felt this too, is like you start stacking those days together of good days, and it's easier to eat better. And once you kind of get off track and it's like, oh, I've got to restart and get back the momentum. So uh it's a good lesson for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:29

Especially even when you go back to like your old ways of eating, like for me when I was when I was fat, when I went, I've had like some family reunions where they aren't eating as healthy as I would eat, and I go and eat their food, and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:42

Yeah, yeah, your body like rejects it. Yeah, but then like it's crazy how quickly, like, it'll be like, Well, we're rejecting it, but like give me some more, it'll adapt to whatever you give it, it'll adapt to anything, yeah. Yeah, and that's what I kept having to tell myself was I adapted to getting back to work full duty. I adapted to getting back to sp on the special response team, I adapted to getting back to lifting weights because there was a time where I was so afraid to lift that I'd go into the gym and I'd do like a few push-ups and some set-ups, and I'd be done. Cause I I I had to start at such a low level, and then I had to let my body adapt and then I had to work out, and then I let my body adapt. And I was like, I did that all the way back to lifting again. I know I can do that with jujitsu, and then and now it's I'm not death gripping anymore. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, and plus I had my son there as motivation.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:32

Um, so I kept telling myself my body's gonna adapt to it again, and uh eventually did. It's just it always takes longer than you want.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:40

What's your best advice for someone that's currently going through their own storm?

SPEAKER_00 1:46:44

Yeah, find a community, um, you know, find a support system. Uh, I would highly encourage uh leaning into some faith. Um that's something that kept me from uh you know staying on the the straight and narrow. Um I was lucky enough to have friends and family that uh stood by me. Um but don't be afraid to reach out. Um don't be afraid to uh seek help. Um you know, focus on um the what is, not the what-ifs, because worrying about tomorrow's not gonna help you at all. The anxiety and stress is actually gonna make you worse. Um use time as a tool, don't think it's the enemy, you know, increase your gratitude and then have your faith anchor everything. So you're gonna have to lower your ego, you're gonna have to um you know have a little bit of a gut check, but uh don't try to do it on your own. Um and then um be as patient as you can, know that there's a greater purpose, uh lean into some Bible verses, commit them to heart, and uh and then find gratitude in the small things. So it's about um not overthinking it and not trying to figure everything at once and not over stressing and having anxiety, I think is the biggest thing. Um if you're going through a tough season. Um the biggest thing is I think finding gratitude in the way you do have, like you're still alive. You know, you're uh you're still you have the opportunity to get better, and um once you start to almost not trick yourself, but keep thinking that this is a really tough season, um, but it's gonna be strengthening me for something um really cool in the future. So having a long-term perspective, but also being okay with being present and then seeking help and uh leaning on other people.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:42

Love that. Yeah, yeah. I think one pushing out your your goal deadlines. Sure. You know, rather than like for me and my business, I'm like, I don't want to be a millionaire this year. Uh give me 15 years. Yeah, like I'm not expecting it to happen overnight or you know, I'm not expecting it a six pack in one month, you know. Like delay those and just work on whatever you can for the day. Yeah, I have a buddy too that's going through a divorce and he's like really down. I'm like, dude, you just gotta be grateful. Yeah, like what do I have to be grateful for? My wife's leaving me. I have nothing, I'm kicked out of my house. And I'm like, is your kids alive? Is your car running to go to work today? Yeah. Do you have heat? Like, are you in a are you in a hospital bed? Right. Like it really is these little things you have to just honestly be grateful for.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:29

I think it rewires your brain too. Um to I think that's another thing is my brain is so re-rewired now to find gratitude in things and be uh more on the positive uh thing, uh side of things. Um, because there was a point where I was so negative where I had to kind of like uh retrain. I got a little bit into um neuroplasticity and um I can't remember what it's called, but it's basically rewiring your your nervous system. um to not take everything as a threat, to um not have all this anxiety and stress, but um to more be on more more joyful and more positive um in anything. So like I'll I'll I'll look at a situation and I'll I'll kind of find some positives out of it. And my a couple of my friends will like point out the negatives like I didn't even see that. Like and I think it's because I was in the dumps for so long that I had to build myself back up to have that perspective of joy, gratitude, peace, presence. And that's a whole reason why I feel like I'm a different person now than I was before the whole season.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:41

It's like one of my favorite videos from Jocko where he talks about good. Yeah totally man like that video just gets me every time I need to bring it back to normal.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:49

It's like you're going through something that's bad you didn't get the promotion you didn't get that new gear. Good. Like it gives you more time to get better. It gives you like whenever there's something that's bad that's happening there's good to come from it.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:00

And that's really tough for a lot of people to wrap their heads around when something's super bad. Um and you're not like I said you're not gonna know until afterwards and you're not gonna ever know if you quit and you may not ever know but there's someone that's benefiting or something that's benefiting or you're gonna change or your heart's gonna be mold your priorities are going to shift um and that's a perspective that I I try to hold with any time I've will face more difficult seasons in my life for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:28

Well we're gonna have more of these uh four man podcasts and I'd put a poll up and people want to do more Christianity posts group stuff so I want to have you back on.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:39

Yeah I'd love to talk about it um like I said I'm no my no uh by no means the perfect Christian but uh I feel like that's what makes you perfect. Yeah I have a a deep root uh in faith my faith and uh I went through a tough season in my life and I feel like I learned a lot from it so uh I'd love to be on for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:59

Well that's just it is like the tough the tough things that you go through is what qualifies you to be able to help other people. Yeah for sure. Like you know an alcoholic that beat alcoholism right is going to be able to help an alcoholic versus like a pastor that's never touched alcohol. Yeah. Like it's those things that we've gone through or you know your health your health has put you down and now somebody else is going through their health and like why theirs can't be a God why how am I going through this?

SPEAKER_00 1:52:20

It's like no man I've definitely enjoyed opportunities to chat with people who are going through like an injury or some uh a tough health um season or something they're trying to figure out um I've enjoyed talking to them about my experience what I leaned on what I thought about um and just letting know like it's seems to be you know uh uh not a good feature right now but like trust me something's coming um you know just gonna like grit your teeth and and and drive through it so um I hope to have more opportunities for sure um I think um anytime I see someone struggling I try to you know touch base with them and share a little bit of what I I went through and uh if I can help one person get through a tough season then the whole thing for me would be worth it for sure. Yeah exactly where's the best spot for people to follow you at um so I'm pretty active on Instagram and Facebook. My Instagram is just my name Cameron underscore Ross. It's mostly family stuff uh a lot of things with my kiddo and wife um I used to have a jiu jitsu page but I think I I'm gonna steer clear that I'm thinking jujitsu is just something I do right now rather than who I am for sure. So um hit me up anytime um I'm always willing to talk jujitsu strength training faith um struggle seasons so I'd be happy to share more of my story I've even had a few people that I've reached out that uh heard that I went through a Lyme disease thing and they said hey I've got a friend that's struggling too can I give you can I give uh them your number and I've directed a few people to the doctors that I've tried or some things some treatments that I've done so um happy to help.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:11

That's awesome I'll definitely put a link and then um they're gonna see more of you dude we're gonna do more of these Christian podcasts I'm excited that'd be fun uh one of the big things that we're talking about in our ministry group at Rock Harbor on Tuesday mornings is like what's a Christian man look like that's been our our thing this year so far reading um Stand Firm and Act like men that's been a really good book for us.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:34

Yeah there's a a a good movement of strong you know fierce um Christian men uh these days and uh it's definitely needed I think the whole you know being a a lion and lamb is something that's um you know you don't want to be a strong Christian man with values and you want to be you know capable of violence but you know peaceful and all that stuff. So that's one of my favorite lines this is Jordan Peterson I think said said that yeah yeah the the I think uh um sometimes people are a little bit drawn away from Christianity because they think that the men um in it are you know soft or whatever but some of the strongest and most fierce and uh you know savagery men I know are strong Christians. So I think it's there's a movement going on man. Some uh a lot of people are turning for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:25

Right on dude well thanks for coming on man and we'll definitely do this again.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:29

Thank you. Appreciate it