Episode 21: Speak Life

Your words are seeds - every day you're planting either life or decay. What are you growing in the hearts of those around you? Research shows it takes 9 positive words to undo the damage of 1 negative comment. Maybe it's time to check what's really coming out of our mouths.

Sermons at https://fbcdan.com/sermons/words-matter-speak-life

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Build, a podcast from Danville First Baptist Church. Build is where Sunday's message becomes Monday's conversation. Each episode we dig deeper into what God is teaching us, talk about how it shows up in real life, and help you keep building your faith beyond the weekend. Let's get started. Welcome to Build, the podcast of FBC Danville, where we aim to build on Sunday's sermon and ultimately build on our relationship with Christ. This is our second week in Words Matter. And it took us to Ephesians 4, if I remember that correctly. Yep. Have no notes, so I'm just weighing it. Wanging it, uh Ephesians 4 and Paul telling us things to cast off and things to put on. If if you call yourself a believer, there's this, these are things that you should let go of and things that you should pick up. And so I'll let you explain a little bit more in that area.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yeah, you bet. We looked at Ephesians 4, 25 through 32. And uh the section right before that where we picked up, Paul talks about taking off the old self and putting on the new, taking off your old, dirty, nasty grave clothes, putting on your new. And so one way to s to kind of say this that I didn't mention at all this morning is to me, that's that's the moment of salvation. And then Paul is then detailing out sanctification. So you get the new clothes at salvation. But for some reason, in our sanctification process with our old sin nature and our flesh, we tend to want to put back on that old self. And Paul says, Paul uses this analogy to say, look, look how foolish this is, look how gross this is that you're doing this is what you're doing. When you are dabbling uh in in in deceitfulness, when you're dabbling in telling the uh telling lies, when you're uh when you're stealing, when you're when you're not working hard, when you're uh when you're doing any kind of malice, when you're using foul, rotten language, uh, that's your old self. And you would look so foolish if you had on grave clothes walking around as a person that's alive, but that's what you're doing when you do that. So he tells us what to take off and what to put on. And the end that last verse is a verse that is uh a really popular verse, a verse that a lot of people know is Ephesians 4.32, that to be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other just as in Christ God has forgiven you. Um and that's kind of the the culmination end of this section and the one that everybody remembers. But the the the part of this section that I hope we that we took away from today is you can you can talk about being kind, but really being kind is telling the truth and doing all these other things and not doing these other things, like that's what that actually is. It's not just saying nice things and smiling and being happy and those types of things. It's actually doing things that bring goodness into people's lives and bring brings heaven to earth, as we like to say. So um that was kind of the crux of it, of it today was that words matter. We need to be speaking life. Even got a Toby Mack reference in there, so feeling good about that.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Yeah, I think uh, you know, so much of that is good, and and to me, it covers a lot of stuff. And when we think about taking off the old man and putting on the new, I instantly, you know, I think, you know, both to the to the demon-possessed maniac and also to to Lazarus, you know, to what you were speaking of. Lazarus was called out of the tombs after four days of being in there. How ignorant would it have been for him to about a week or two later say, you know what, I kind of, I'm just gonna go stay, I'm not gonna stay there all the time. I'm just gonna go spend the night back in the tomb. You know, I kind of like that. It was it was comfortable. But that's that's what we do when we dabble in sin once we're saved, or when we say, like, oh well, you know, this is just who I am, this is kind of this is a a battle for me. And it is. I mean, that's a reality, is we all we all have things that are difficult for us to overcome and difficult for us to fight. But but if we would get that visualization that it would be the same as Lazarus going to hang out in the tomb that he was once buried in when Jesus had called him out. It'd be it'd be ignorant for him to go use that as a summer cottage.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

You know, like but we want to do that. Well, you know, when I'm with this group, I kind of, you know, I know it's not great, but we we don't have a good enough view of how God views uh what he saved us from. We don't have a good enough view of what God has saved us from if that's if that's our heart set and our mindset. So that that visualization that visualization really stuck out to me this morning as you uh were preaching, and then just also not when we're talking about speaking life, we think so much uh of scripture is about what we're not supposed to do. Take this off, take this off, don't do this, don't do that, don't do this. But Jesus lays it out clear. Paul lays it out clearly here in Ephesians, but Jesus throughout his ministry is like it's not just what you don't do, but let's replace it with what we do, what we should do. Yes. Don't let any foul language uh come out of your mouth, but be full of kindness and compassion. Like it's it's more than just behavior modification. We talk about that. I feel like every week do it in order. More than thou shalt not do it. Yeah, it's it's more than, you know, if you never say a cuss word, but your heart is full of envy and you're gossiping and you're talking bad about people and you're keeping trouble stirred up around you. Yeah, you didn't cuss, but you haven't lived up to to what the law actually means. Right. And so I really like the fact you took it like Jesus always does in his teachings. Let's take it to the next level. And I felt like that this morning we did that.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yeah, I like that. We we talked about that some in in Bible study this morning with the students. Uh, we're looking at Luke 3, uh, with John the Baptist's public ministry, uh, you know, repairing the way for the Lord. And he he comes right off the bat and he just he's like, Hey, you guys think it's because you're physical Jews that you're that you're from the you know, seed of Abraham that you're good. And that's ain't happening. Like the axe is ready to chop down that tree. That's over with. That's not a thing anymore. Um, you know, you have to have faith. And and that's such a paradigm shifting earth foundation shattering thing for someone to say to you know to a fellow Israelite at that time. And they say, well, then what do we do?

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

And it's so interesting how this jumped out at me. And it's funny how the you know, word of God, we're in two different places, but they overtwine and it makes you see something differently. He does the same thing, he doesn't say, Well, you know, you have to, you have to, you know, be a missionary in Africa to piggyback off last week. You know what I mean? Some people do actually be are called to that. But he says, he says, uh, you know, if you're a tax collector, like stop being a liar and a cheat.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

It's a good place to start.

unknown 7:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

You know, if you've got two shirts, then let somebody borrow one. And if you've got extra food, then let somebody have some food. If you're a soldier, you know, don't take advantage of people at the tip of your spear, the tip of your sword, like be a be a good soldier. He doesn't say, stop being a tax collector, stop being a soldier, right? He doesn't say, Oh, I put this thing inside of you that you're supposed to be and you're supposed to work towards, and you're supposed to, you know, you have this burning desire to be this thing because that's the you know how I made you. Oh, but you can't do that now. Which is what the world tells you will happen when you follow Jesus. And I think the exact opposite happens. I think when you follow Christ, he actually, he actually brings that calling, brings you to that calling to fulfill that calling. You know, um, I I asked Jake this morning, I said, Jake, what do you want to do? He said, I want to be a football coach. I said, and the world would tell you if you follow Jesus, you can't do that. You've got to go, again, be the you know, missionary in the middle of nowhere. When in reality, as a full-fledged, sold-out Jesus follower that's a football coach, you probably could do more good for the kingdom doing that than you could just about anything.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

And if it's what God has called you to, then it is what you can do the most good doing, right? And it and it reminds me of that uh saying, I don't remember where I heard it or who I heard it from, but it it said, uh, if you want to, you know, if you want to honor God, if you're a shoemaker and you want to honor God, don't do it by putting crosses on the shoe. Do it by making the best shoe.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

It's good.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Right. And I was like, oh, that's good. Not that you can't put a cross on there, but like don't make a crappy shoe. Yeah, don't make a crappy shoe, slap a cross on it and say, Oh, I'm honoring God by being a shoemaker. No, no, be the best shoemaker there is. That's more honoring than than anything.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, that kind of makes me make me think you thinking about what is it you're going to do? What are you called to do? What do you want to do? All of those questions that that you ask yourself I guess through life, because I don't know when I don't know when that exactly ends, that you stop wondering what you're just gonna do when you grow up.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

But I know so for me, uh I I know I was called to vocational ministry at age 14. And and that was that was a part of of who I was, and you know, I would like to say that that because knowing that that that pushed me to do some things better. Maybe it didn't, maybe it did on some levels. We won't that's not what I'm talking about right now. But as life went, then I found myself, you know, trying to figure out what else am I supposed to do. I don't know, I don't I don't even know way to put that. Like somewhere along the way, I feel like I let life take over, and I'm and I so I've done a lot of things, I tried a lot of things, and I was a lot of things. And and I will say I've I found success in all of those things, and I was never satisfied. It took it took a drastic change of walking back really into what was a different calling, but I I now, you know, if you when you can you can turn around and kind of see where you were brought along the way, it took something major like that to bring me back to that. This is the thing that I was called to. But along that way, I I learned that that everyone is called to something, but we're all called to serve, we're all called to minister, we're all called to evangelize. And you do that within whatever wherever you're placed. Right. If we were all preachers and and teachers of the word in a church, how does that happen when our car breaks down? Exactly. You know, like it that it's that's not the design. I really think that you're I mean, I'm saying all of this to say you're right. It's it's ever this sounds so weird to say it's everybody else that's that's not a vocational minister that's actually doing the bulk of the ministry or should be.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I'm not and I'm not saying that it's because we only work one to two days a week. That's it's not because of that. It's because we're supposed to go from here into all of our respective areas of the world and continue what's happening on Sunday, continue what's happening on Wednesday, anytime that we gather. Spread that and share that in all of your places because we can't be in each one of those places.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

The bulk of life happens outside of the church, absolutely. And so the bulk of the kingdom work happens outside of the church, and and we as vocational ministers should be part of that work that takes place outside of the church. But most of our life takes place here at the church. Yes. And so uh, you know, it's a good good point you're making there, Josh.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Well, I feel like you guys, your your your primary role as full-time ministry, vocational ministry, is to equip the saints to the word. We we we've gotten it wrong in this country too much.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

That this is where bring your friends to church so that they can hear about Jesus. Bring your friends to church so they can hear how they're supposed to live. Bring your friends to church. But the reality is church is primarily for believers to be equipped and to be encouraged and to be pushed to do ministry to a lost and fallen world where a lost and fallen world meets on a daily basis. And so your your role as full-time vocational uh ministers is vitally important. It's when uh non-full-time people begin to look at you as this is what ministry is. And really you are your primary, in my opinion, your primary service is to help us be more effective when we go out from this place. Right. And yes, we love to see people saved at church and we love to see a great movement of God within the church. But again, even with a great movement of God, the purpose of that isn't for what happens next. It's not so that we can feel warm and fuzzy and oh, church was so good. We felt the presence of God. Well, good, what are you gonna do about it? Right. Because if you come into the presence of God, there's zero examples in scripture of people who came into the presence of God and left unchanged. Right, right. They all had an experience that pushed them on to what was next. And now for some of them, they rejected that experience and went the other way, but they didn't just leave un. They had to make a decision. That's what comes down week after week. I say it, but bring us to a place of decision. What are we gonna do next?

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Right. And and and the ones that did accept that work of God, whatever it was, couldn't help but go talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

Right. Had to. So I'm gonna make us feel really bad. Because it just made me, as you were saying that, Dusty, it made me think. So here we are, this is Sunday afternoon. We gathered, we we freely gathered this morning, and we were just praying and thank being thankful that we had that opportunity. And then if we're supposed to go and expand the gospel, well, like we can look at numbers where where the gospel is exploding, and it's in places where people have are having to secretly meet right and then figure out some creative way to spread the gospel so that they at the very least don't go to jail and potentially lose their life.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

And so Yeah, Christianity has been for a a while now exploding in Iran.

unknown 15:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

In a place that you can't do that. Yeah. You know, and and so, yeah, I I know I that's why I I pray that prayer often. God, do not let us take for granted the privilege of freely meeting, because we do take it for granted, to the point that we can neglect it super easy and not even realize it's it's power. And and yeah, I could chase that rabbit into, you know, you almost want there to be hardship just so that we would focus, but you actually don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah, I don't really want that. But like I said, and I I know that would I'm just as good as everybody else about leaving these walls and and I so don't don't take that as that you should feel bad and be like me. Don't take it like that at all. I'm just saying we as the American Christian we're not doing stellar in some areas.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

It's really a wheat and tear situation here. We see those places, the gospel booming, because it's all wheat. The tares aren't gonna risk their life for something that they don't that don't mean anything to them. That's not inconvenience. You know, they're not gonna be inconvenienced for the gospel.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

There's no such thing as a cultural Christian in a place like that. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

That just I I say it because it's gonna help me sell more whatever, or make better contacts for this. There, there's none of that. It's I'm going risking my life, so I better believe it. And they do, and then they go out and share it. And here it's like, well, as long as we're done in time for the hogs, go hogs, SEC champs, we're excited. Sure. But as long as we're done in time for that, we're and I know there's a lot of jokes about it. I'm not sure. I'm not taking shots at people who made jokes about this morning because most of them, most of them would have stayed if you ran long. But you know, but that is the American mindset. Well, I'm not gonna fit it in, I'll fit it in. I've got I'm gonna climb on a soapbox for a second, but you know, we're having anchor generation tonight, and I'm excited. But man, getting people back into church on Sunday after COVID, on Sunday nights after COVID has been awful.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

And why? Listen, guilty, it was kind of comfortable. It was kind of nice to just come to church or watch church online and then relax and have a day of and now we're saying, oh well, maybe we need to gather together more, maybe we need to pray together more, maybe we need to show up on Wednesday nights and have a prayer meeting, but it's inconvenient. But if we have an event and we're giving away free stuff, we'll be there. You know, it's just church becomes what am I getting out of it? Because it's an American church, because we're fat and sassy spiritually instead of these other places where it's like, hey, to go is to risk my life, but it means that much to me that I'm willing to die to meet with other believers and worship and pray together and seek what God has for us.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Well, and back to the original point of what we were saying about being equipped to minister and then the you know, the saints going out and ministering. You know, Brother Clayton at his church, they they've experienced pretty much a full-fledged revival over the last year, year and a half. And the vast majority of the people who have been brought to the Lord have been regular men in his church. Regular men doing regular jobs, living regular lives that have gotten serious about sharing the gospel with people, and they take it to the gospel and they bring the person in. They're like, hey, he he braved and receives Christ, he wants to get baptized. You know what I mean? And it's like, oh, okay, well, you know, we'll fit them in this Sunday. You know, it's like it's a legit revival, and it has started the way I think it's supposed to start in the New Testament. You know what I mean? Um, yeah, you have the example of Peter, the first message, but even he wasn't the only one preaching that day.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

Uh, you know, the first message, a lot of people get saved, but from but from then on, you know, and and I'm not against crusades and those types of things, you know, Billy Graham bringing thousands to the Lord, and and those all it has a place, yeah, but it's not the primary model. The primary model is, like you just said, the saints come together in a gathering for equipping, for encouragement, uh, for Christ-like fellowship that that that manifests the spirit, the power of the Holy Spirit amongst us, and that recharges us on a regular basis to go out and do ministry for another week or for another few days, even sometimes, or for just that day sometimes, is as far as it gets you, sometimes. But yeah, you know, that the more the regul the more the the lay Christian, the non-vocational, non-professional Christian takes the gospel to the world, the more the gospel is taken to the world. That's the simplest way that you can say it.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

So we're a long way from from where we started and from the sermon this morning. But I mean, I think that's why so many pastors get burned out and stays are so short and ministries in general are so short because they're being asked to do their job and the job of their 150, 200 members of their church. And then we're like, well, I don't understand why you're so tired. You only work two days a week. You know, well, listen, because our community desperately needs people to stand up and be Jesus in front of them, and I'm the only one, and when I say I, I'm talking about you guys more than anything. Like, that's why y'all get burned out. That's why, you know, I saw a pastor that I dearly love, and he was talking about, you know, sabbaticals and how he, you know, and I'm like, bro, like you guys know my heart is for ministers. And so uh, man, I'm like, whatever we can do to take the load off of your plate, that's what we should be doing. Your job is to help me do my job. And if I'm doing that, then everybody's job's easier, it's just lighter.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Yeah, I agree. So steering back to the sermon, right? Uh Ephesians 4.29 was kind of the the the meat verse today that we shouldn't have any foul or rotten uh or no good language uh coming out of our mouth. Let that not come from your mouth at all. But what is good to edify, what is good to build up. And so I was going to see what we thought either way, positive or negative. What are some times where that has been evidenced in your life? Either where you have been the person speaking the foul, the language that spreads rot, or speaking the encouragement speaking. The love, speaking the edification language, or where that's happened to you or someone that you know, because we all we all understand the power of words when it's happened to us, positively or negatively. And I joked around about somebody calling me fat this morning and they and and they didn't actually call me fat. That's just what I heard. You know, that was my fat grace translator uh or lack of grace translator, you know. It it really it's it's me uh it's my insecurities coming out, right? Because I know that I've in my recent marriage I've got a little comfortable and put on a few fluffy extra pounds. And um you know, but but but like if somebody were to say, like, man, you kind of gain weight, huh? Like we act like that doesn't bother us, but it bothers us. Yeah, you know. Now I'm used to being bald now. Like truly, I'm so used to being bald now. And there's so many positives that come with it and so many things that it makes life easier. Um and the fact that that my my wife actually likes it this way, you know, that helps. But so that doesn't really bother me. But you know, when you first start losing your hair, it doesn't feel so good. Which man kind of gets thin up there. Like, so we know how that negative impacts, but we also know how the positive impacts. I've given a story before of my dad, whenever I was had worked my tail end off to play college football, and I was at that three or four day mark where you're missing home, missing mama, missing everything. You know, if you're back home, everything would be great and life would be crazy with gravy with the, you know, and all the things. And I just want I I think back to that because I think, what if my dad would have said, Yeah, you know what, you're right, you know, you're too far away or it's too hard, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. How easy it would have been to pack in my stuff. But he didn't. He he encouraged me. He spoke love into me. He spoke truth and grace into me and reminded me of what I really cared about. And those words changed the direction of my life or kept me on the direction of my life where I was already heading. Let me put it that way. And so, you know, words make a huge difference. And I love that verse because it it's given us that like you can speak death or you can speak life. And that takes taking us in next week a little bit where we're talking about speaking wisdom, and we'll be literally talking about that choice and what that looks like. Um, but what what is anything come to mind? I know it's always so hard to think of a story on the spot.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Well, I know you you you and you spoke to this, and I think it's where every it's a it's you said it's a good place to start, it's but it's just the starting point because we all think immediately of using quote unquote foul language. And um, you know, I definitely that's some place that I always think about, but I think I tend to think there normally because I've never I've never had any issue with foul language. I don't I don't really have any explanation for that. I mean, like everybody around me, you know, I think there's some point that kids feel free to start exploring their vocabulary, but it just I don't know, that always seemed wrong to me. And so I never did. And and then even in my vocations along the way, like this is probably the only place that I've worked that that wasn't the primary way to communicate with with everybody, but it just never that's never been a thing. So I always will jump on that one because that's easy for me. That one's super easy. I don't, I don't, I never say bad words. Um yeah. So, but I used to be really good at talking about people, and that's the same, and probably worse because it's hidden. And and I say that meaning like if you get if you got a good story to tell somebody, they want to hear that good story. So you you've you've spread all of this insinuation. Yes, and like you as you said, like you put all this putrid disgusting stuff out there, but everybody enjoyed it. It was like pigs and slop. And so that's something that I've just in general, that I've w work on, I've worked on, and um like so the foul language thing was not a thing in my home, but that was so and still can be. And so if I'm back home, that sometimes that goes to that. And if I'm that I probably just got myself in trouble, everybody's gonna be mad at me if they if they I don't know if they listen or not.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

I think 99% of family gatherings end up there at some point. You know, it's easy to get there, so to to to protect you a little bit there, Josh.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

Yeah, and I think I think just a practical example of exactly what you're talking about is you know, you talked about Jake, and and yeah, man, we need Christian coaches, we need Christians who who are who are coaches and do that. And and that was my goal, you know, when I was coaching, it was like, man, I want to be different. I want to be unlike any coach these kids have had, any coach in our conference, any coach, I want to, I want to share the gospel with the people that I'm coaching with. I want to be a light of the gospel to my players. And um, man, I can remember a guy that that that I love, man. We're still great friends, and and uh, you know, but I I was talking always talking to him spiritually. Like, I mean, I'm talking to him about like what's your relationship with like where do you go to church? Where do you go, you know, this is this happens a lot. And and I'm like, man, he's never heard me say cuss where we've worked together for four years. I've never cussed him for like I'm I'm crushing this stuff. I'm crushing Ephesians 4. No foul. And uh man and I was at a ball game, and and we were it was a tournament, we were like the next game, and I'm we're leaned up against the wall and I'm watching the game, and I'm oh man, we're gonna have this official, and oh man, so and so's mom's here, and it's gonna be, you know, I mean, like all things. And he looks at me and goes, Dusty, you're the most negative person I know. Ouch. And dude, that stuck with me. That's been that's been 20 years. And I thought, I've never cussed in front of him. But foul language has escaped my lips daily for the last four years. And you know, I can't hardly say that without getting emotional because like this is a guy I felt like I was spiritually investing in. And I wasn't doing the naughty no-nos. Right. But I wasn't speaking life. I was speaking life at times, and I was speaking death at times, and and we know that you know, a fountain can't bring forth both good good water and uh bitter water, and I was doing that. And then I wonder why I'm being ineffective in sharing the gospel or in in being the light or seeing revival on my teams or seeing whatever. Well, it's because I'm dabbling in the world. And yes, there were lines I wouldn't cross, and I was so busy patting my back saying, look how good you're doing at being different than everyone else, that I wasn't looking at the ways I was being the same as everyone else. And we weren't called, right? We aren't called to that. Yeah, and so I think that's just a practical example of of exactly what you're talking about this morning. I wish I had the other, you know, the other side of that testimony, but the reality is that that's why it's more than don't say this. It's what are you saying and what is it edifying? Is it lifting up to the hearer or is it tearing down? Right. And if it's tearing down, then you're negating all the work you're doing and trying to be the light and the positive example to these people.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Right. Yeah, he gives the uh he gives the sapros is the is the word for for foul or bad or whatever, and that is a term for rottenness. It's the term that's used for the bad fruit on the bad tree. Uh and and we talked about how, you know, a rotten apple does literally, scientifically, biologically, however, you know, is whatever the word is, but bottom the botany of it, it literally spreads rot to the other apples in the bunch, which is why we have that that saying. And and because we we we think that sometimes that our words are in a chamber, but they're not. Yeah. They they they they spread, you know, they spread like wildfire sometimes. And and so he gives the the rot as the negative, and then he gives edify, or it's like an architectural term to build up, to, to edify, to to make something strengthened. Um, and so if you put the negative in an architectural term too, it would be like, you know, everybody, I I say everybody, I I like a good demo day, right? It's fun to tear things out because I don't have to worry about messing something up in a demo day. That's really the reason what that I like it, is because I'm a bull in a china closet and I get to be me in a in a demo day. But at the same time, if if you just randomly walk into a house and tear down a wall, and that's a load-bearing wall, you didn't just tear down that wall, you just tore down that house without even realizing it. And that's kind of the same thing that our words can do, our negative words, or the or on the positive side, they can they can build up. And so I I think a practical example of this where it really matters and hits home is is for anyone that has kids, right? A parent, or maybe you work with children and those types of things, because I think children hang on our words way more than we realize they do. And so your the power of your tongue as a parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, person who has influence over young people is so big, so much bigger than you realize. And so uh we need to evaluate that. What are we saying on a regular basis to our children? Are we speaking life? Are we speaking encouragement? Are we speaking God-inspired pathways and thought patterns into their mind, or are we confirming what inside their scared, sinful self already is starting to believe about themselves? Uh, and you know, one one thing that I've learned that I did on the wrong end of that as a parent, um recently was talking to Presley. I don't think she'll mind me sharing this. I'm trying to do that evaluation of is it okay to share this right now type of thing right on in real time. But uh we just we were talking about you know how we have feelings and how we uh feel things and all that, and because I wanted her to be graceful and merciful to everyone, oftentimes I would say things that would invalidate her position, not meaning to. Right, not that what you feel isn't true, but it is true, but we also had this opportunity, opportunity to forgive. We also had this opportunity to see that, you know, put our shoes in their shoes and to see it their diff direction. But I would also often say those things in a way that what I was really communicating was your feelings don't matter, your feelings aren't true, you just need to worry about them. Well, over time, that that doesn't do good.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

And uh, you know, it's not, you know, it is what it is. Like I mess that up, I've said I'm sorry, and you know, she forgave me and we're moving on with life. And she's she's learning, you know, the the true side of that. And that's just uh that's one example. But you know, you're an idiot. Why do you always do stuff like this? You're so stupid. You know, those types of things that we say in outbursts of anger, in our wrath, you know, in our frustration, in our bitterness, that list that Paul gives in verse 31, those things that we say in those moments, they carry much more weight than we realize. And we must be more careful with our words. We we we must be. And at the same time, we have such an opportunity, opportunity to speak life, to speak Jesus into our kids, if we will. You know, you're you know, you're you're a child of the King of Kings. You know, the the creator of this universe wanted you to be drawn breath and has a plan for your life. And I believe, I believe with everything in me that God created you to do something special for his name. Now, if you have a lifetime of hearing things like that, what direction do you think that kid goes? Yeah, you know, or the opposite way, which what whichever one that you that you speak, you know, are you speaking rot or are you speaking life? It there's power.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

There you go. It's the negative one usually. And so it's that and that's uh I hate that.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

I think psychology says there's some stat, you know, most stats are made up on the spot, but I believe it's I think it's nine positive statements. There has to be nine positive statements made to erase one negative statement because we hang on to the negative so much easier, so much more naturally do we hang on to the negative. So you you you know, you may think that you're fairly balanced in your speech, but for for for your for your mind's sake, you actually have to be so much more skewed to the speaking life to to outdo any speaking rot that it can't be anywhere near even for it to actually land in in the heart and ears of the hearer of those words.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

So Yeah, that makes me think of you know coaching days when you know you have a kid and like I you feel like you're always bragging on this kid, and then you know, he comes to you upset and it's like, hey, coach dude, you've done nothing but ride me, riding, you know, ride me for the last two weeks. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, well, I said this, I said this, I said this, and he's oh, you you know, you did. I'm like, I know you didn't miss like, but they do. Like it's not that they round that out.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

It it just that I fall into this category that I speak truth and love about people to other people about that person, but I'm terrible at doing it to them. There you go. And so it's good, you know. I'm saying a lot of good things, and I but I have to like, oh no, I told somebody the other day that you this, that, or the other. And and I that may be true, but now it sounds like I'm trying to cover myself. Yeah, like, uh no, that's not at all how I feel about you.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

That makes me think, you know, you go with the with the the construction terms there. That that would be like what we do when we do that. And there's not there's good in sharing good about other people too, other people, don't get me wrong, but it it would be like somebody coming up to you and being like, Man, I am uh I did you see that storm yesterday? It was so rainy, it was so much lightning, it was so cold, it was so whatever. And I was out there living in that, and it would be like you saying, Oh, I built this house for you over here, but I just didn't I didn't tell you you could go live in it. I forgot to tell you to go live in that thing. Sorry you had to live in that through that thunderstorm. You know, we have thunderstorms, I can hear the thunder right now. We have impending thunderstorms on us right now. It makes me think about that. That that would be what that's like.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

You know, I've found I'm finding, and I don't even know how to rectify this yet, because I'm still, I think, discovering. I apparently have a very aggressive way of communicating sometimes. And that's not like there's I know when I'm trying to be aggressive, and so now I stop and think like apparently I sound this way when I'm not being aggressive at all. So if I am being aggressive, what the heck does that sound like?

SPEAKER_03 38:16

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

But I'm like I said, I'm I'm discovering this and I don't know what to do about that. I occasionally I can I say something and immediately can can see that shift that I and I fear. And I have to start trying trying to fix it somehow because it was not, but I apparently I when I say things to people it it comes out very aggressive. And so, but and I know that now I'm like, how many times have I done that? Right, and what have I created because of that?

SPEAKER_01 38:56

Yeah, it's good. Well, I think you know, being a middle school principal, uh my my wife has told me a couple times that like, especially some of our seventh grade girls are like, oh, Coach Wright's so scary. And I'm like, what? I'm like, I feel like I'm nice and I always go in away. So like, but it's fun to see those girls who who come into your building as seventh graders and they're like, oh, Coach Wright's don't, don't, you know, he's he's basically it's that I'm big and I'm bald, and and it's like that makes me automatically somewhat intimidated. But then you go out of your way to start tearing that wall down and begin to build some rapport with these students, and before long, you know, they're coming to your office to say, Hey, good morning, coach, just want to say hi. And like what that does for me in the end is way more than the effort it's taken to break that wall down to say, Well, hey, like and we talk in our building a lot, like, hey, if you if you get sent to my office, then I am I am scary and intimidating. But if you want to just come by and say hi, if you want to come by and just see how things are going, or you need somebody to uh speak some positive over your life, like just swing by. I'd love to but when we are those people, those life givers to others, it's amazing how much life you get back just from people not avoiding you, not avoiding not saying, Oh man, what's he gonna say today? But just like hey, like I'm glad to see you. Like it's nice to be for someone to be when you're coaching, especially in bad years, no one's glad to see you. And so like now it's like, hey, you know, I've got some kids that are happy to see me, and that makes you feel good. And I I'm sure in ministry, you know, uh I know that's true in in ministry, the ministry that I do, but I'm sure you know, no one wants the the worship pastor to be like, well, he sings like an angel, but I sure don't want to be around him because I don't know what he's gonna say or if he's gonna bite my head off, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

And so um Well, and like you know, I'm I think back now to things and where Michaelina has told me, well, so-and-so thinks that you're scary. And I'm like, well, that's weird. I don't know. That's yeah, and you know, or I a comment like, well, nobody says anything to you because they're scared of you. And I'm like, I don't, I don't know why. I mean, like, there's probably some folks that have have a reason to feel that way, but they're very few. I've all I've always adhered to as you know, as far as it depends on me to live peaceably with everybody. I'm trying I'm real low-key. I I just try I try to respect everybody and all of the things, but apparently I'm aggressive.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Let me ask you guys a question that kind of piggybacks off this idea. So we're we're this way with each other somewhat, and I think about you know, someone came up to me the other day at school, and it was particularly talking about me and me and Stuart, and you know, Stuart's one of my very best friends in the whole world. I love I love Stu, and he's gonna love hearing his name on build because it he gets super excited. So Stuart Creamer, woo. Anyway, but someone came up and said, dude, are you and Coach Creamer friends? And I'm like, Yeah, like I I love that guy. What you know, because he wasn't standing right there. I'm like, I dude, Coach Creamer's awesome. I love that guy. And they said, Well, y'all are always so mean to each other that I didn't know if it was playful or so. I guess what I'm asking is, where does that fall in this conversation of it doesn't just say you know what is uplifting to the one you're saying it to, but it says uplifting to the hearer. Yeah. Um, even though we're fine jockeying back and forth and having fun, how how far is too far when other people don't get the joke?

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Right. You know, it's a it's a great point. And there was there were some points that I wanted to make about that and about sarcasm, you know, those types of things, and and and how they're dangerous too, you know, they're playing with fire. Yeah. And you and I joke about, you know, that if we're talking bad about each other, then we're good. And when we're giving compliments, we're uncomfortable, you know. And there there's some there's some biological aspect to this where when a group of men or just even a pair, like a two guys together, like part of that ribbing that takes place is on a biological level to see is this person trustworthy? Does this person have anything to them, or are they gonna fall apart with a little ribbing? Like if like if if one man sees another man, you know, falls apart, like you you juggle them a little bit and they you know, they fly off the handle about it. It's like, okay, that's somebody I can't count on when the bullets are flying, you know, or or when this when the spears are getting chunked or however far back you want to go. And so, and so there's there's that aspect to it. It is just guys ribbing guys, figuring out you know who who can I trust, who can I count on, and those types of things. And and to that point, I I guess maybe it's it's okay and it's normal. But we do have to be careful with it. We do have to be careful with it. Um and and I've really been convicted of it lately, of of of really trying to be aware of not letting that be a habit, uh, of of of being sarcastic or being very careful with my sarcasm. Because so it is a way to to build rapport sometimes, you know. I I think of of my you know, my 10-year-old son uh Jackson, like you know, I I rib him some, but I but I've backed way off the ribbing in in the last six or eight months because where I was trying to build rapport, I could I was look, I was like, that's actually not working, and it's actually kind of immature what you're trying to do. Um and so, you know, I've when I do joke like that, it's not about something very serious. Right. And the things that are serious, I'm really trying not to joke around about because I don't want to build confusion in his mind, in his heart, and in our relationship. You know, he actually I actually have him completely fooled because we were having a conversation on the way to baseball practice yesterday, and he said, you two will love this. He said, Daniel, I think you're the wisest person I've ever known. And I was like, can you say that one more time while I'm recording, please? So no, he he did say that, but we were having a he's he's an exceptional, exceptional young man and can carry on a conversation like he's 30. And so we were having a pretty deep conversation, and I was sharing some some pretty deep truth concepts about some stuff, about people and just stuff in general, and and he's and he said that. And it was just it's just kind of a reminder of well, we've come a long, we've come a long way in our relationship where where there wasn't that trust and that rapport before. But I think if I hadn't have, if the Lord hadn't have placed that on my heart to say, you're this is this is built, this is breaking down your relationship, this isn't building it. Stop doing that. Um and having a wife that that helps you see things more clearly than then maybe you can see them too, uh, with all four of my children. Thank, thank God. Um you know, it's just that moment of like, hey, I think you've been doing getting this right recently, more often than than not. And it was it was it was kind of cool.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

So you know, so you you brought up sarcasm, and that's actually something that I now really dislike. And it's because we I like so lots of we've misused that word. We say something's sarcastic when we're actually we're doing something in good fun or we're joking around, which is not sarcasm, because if you look up sarcasm, because this this this was a point of contention several months ago in our house. And I I said, I like I'm number one not a huge joker. Like like everybody, like I'm always kind of like here and I laugh at all the things that everybody, but like I know the other day I Dusty was uh set up for me to burn him, and it was so good. And I but I really I wanted to tell somebody else to do it because it's just like that's not necessarily me. I went ahead and did it anyway, and everybody laughed. And Dusty laughed, and it was it was you burned by Josh, you're burned.

SPEAKER_02 47:36

You're burned.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

If he goes and takes that check, it's it's gonna hurt. But but the idea of being sarcastic has taken on different people so people have misused. Well, I I don't even know if it's misused. I think so. Anyway, if you look up sarcasm, it says it's a form of verbal irony used to mock, ridicule, or convey contempt, where the speaker says the opposite of what they actually mean. And so, as what it says, like you actually are being mean, right? You meant to be mean when you're sarcastic, you meant to be a jerk. You're not, it's it's not actually having fun or playing, it's the thing that you say to make fun of that kid that's not good at sports, and you you come on, but yes, like that, like you you tend like that's but when we do it in a in a loving relationship where there's mutual, like you don't leave with your feelings hurt, but that but just back to what you were saying, the world will end up seeing something completely different, and you do it to the wrong person, then now you've created a hurt. Or what we what we were finding is there would be something really mean said, like, and then like I was just being sarcastic. Like well, in either way, you were being mean.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Call it what you want. Yeah, I call it being a jerk. Yeah. I mean, you know, I I literally have a shirt that says sarcasm is my love language. You know, it's an old t-shirt that I have, and that's you know, I freely recognize and admit that that's not a good thing. Um, and and a lot of that comes from that list that Paul has in verse 31 of bitterness and contempt and and and unresolved anger in your life. And that kind of boils and burns deep down here, and you, you know, burns, and and then you let those burns come out in different ways. But then you say you're being sarcastic, so then it's okay. You know, I mean Chandler's my favorite, is my favorite character on Friends, because every single burn that he does is sarcasm, and I think it's hilarious. Um, and there are studies that show that you have a higher IQ if you if you're good at sarcasm. I'm just saying, but sorry. See, there I go. Um but but yeah, you it's one thing to do with somebody you know and love, and you know that it's in jest and you're joking around, and you really like you and I are good examples. We mess with each other a lot. I would literally take a bullet for you. And if anybody was talking, actually talking bad about you, I would say that's not true. I know Dusty Wright, I know his heart, I know how much he loves, and I know his passion, and I know how much he cares. And I know that if I needed him right now, regardless of what he had to stop doing, he'd be there. Unless it was at the detriment and life and limb of his own family, he would be there. And so, you know, is is it okay to rib each other a little bit in those situations? I hope so, because I don't know how else to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 50:57

But but we'd say a lot less to each other. Right. You brought up the idea of like the the uh psych I can't think of the word, the psychology of of the idea between me and well, if you look, go back, because one of the things that I did is along the way is work uh in early childhood for like 10 years.

SPEAKER_02 51:20

And um, you know, you have to be like 110 to do all the things you've already done.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

Anyway, sorry. You've got to you un you know you start understanding that little boys physically physically can't keep their hands off of each other. You know, you said like, can y'all not keep your hands on yourself? Well, like it's for most of them, it's impossible that phonetic energy. They're just you know, and it and I think at some point that same thing just translates into words. Like now it's it's you know it's weird and awkward if you're to be touching dusty while you're standing beside him. Right. But you might say something, you know.

SPEAKER_02 51:56

It's kind of the same thing. I think it's kind of the same thing. Uh-huh. That's right. That's a good point, John. That's a good way to put that.

SPEAKER_01 52:01

That's good. That is good. And I think also it's just a reminder, too, that like just because we can handle it, the rest of the world to get the joke has to know how much we love each other.

SPEAKER_03 52:15

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

And I think that's I think that's the difficulty was, you know, maybe if this person for whatever reason had never had not seen me and Stuart enough together to where they realize that like, oh no, I may take a shot at him even when he's not standing there. But it's the exact same shot I would have taken if he had been standing there. And I actually would have enjoyed it more if he had heard it. But they have to understand your love. I think that's a I think that's a good point, and the willingness that, you know, I would go to the ends of the world for for you guys, for Stuart, and for and yeah, that that might mean I'm gonna take shots. I really, Josh, because he doesn't give back, it's not as much fun to take shots of the eye.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

See, now I've started sitting here thinking, do people not do that because I'm so mean? No, no, no, is this all coming back to them? Like people are actually scared.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

I'm just telling you, dude, that soul ripper you gave him the other day after FCA, that was a total ripper. That was good. Can I share it? Because I'd love to share it up there. It's good. It's so good. I don't even know. So Kennedy, Kennedy gives her devotion at FCA, and it was good. And it was well thought out, and it was organized, and it was all the things, it was heartfelt, all the things. It was wonderful. And it it didn't, it didn't chase rabbits, and it did it all these things. It was great. And Josh said something to the effect of, you know, you were I said, did you know, did you put that together for Kennedy?

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Yeah. And Dusty says, no, she did that all on her own. I said, maybe you should let her start putting yours together then, bump set a spike.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

I will say, what made it so good is that I was such a proud rider. That's the thing. I was totally all man. I'm gonna tell you how awesome she is. She did this all by herself. I'm so proud of her. Oh, maybe she should start writing your stuff on something. Okay. It was good. You did it. It was good.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

It was a right hook that you never. I didn't see it coming either. I was rolling.

SPEAKER_01 54:19

I don't I feel like I'm never spit. I've always got to come back because I usually see things coming. I had no, I had no way it's gonna take this trash out.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I should have said that. I admitted that I was just joking.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

I'm so glad it was Josh. Right. Because the rest of y'all would have been hanging, you know, y'all have put the scoreboard up, and that'd have been like a million to one. Right. You know, just on that. But Josh is like, okay, I'm sorry. I hate that I kind of said that, but it it was good. It was it was good. I'm still laughing about it, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:54

Anyway, I'm still crying about it.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

It was good. I think Kennedy's devotion was good. That's what set it up. That's what made the this work so well. It was an easy devotion to brag on. So I think we've lost all control. Oh, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00 55:08

I think so. Um, we've almost made an hour, so we're doing good there. Uh no, I you back to the whole the meat of what today was is that that our words matter. And when we we we can speak life into a situation, or we can speak death. And um, when we say death in life, we mean like we can speak we can we can speak the positive life-bringing attributes of Christ into our conversations. You can speak them into people's lives, literally, or you can you can spread hate and discontent.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

And yeah, the one the one last thing that I wanted to say, I didn't say it this morning, uh, that I would like to say about the whole concept in general. Um when it comes to really words are uh all of our words are like seeds, right? And and you so you're you're casting out seed for good fruit or you're casting out seed for bad fruit. The one thing I want to say, kind of on the opposite end of that, is as a hearer of people's words, A, you have the choice of whether or not to receive that word, and two, you need to be aware of people who are speaking deceitful, manipulative, rotten words into your life, especially when they're doing it in a backdoor way where they're planting a seed into your ears, trying to plant a seed into your mind about someone else or about a situation or or about truth in general, where they're really deceptively trying to plant this seed into your mind. Be careful of that. Do not allow people to manipulate you with their work. Be aware of the power of other people's words, and you do not have to allow those words to take root into your mind and into your heart. Because the longer you let those lies rest in you, the more opportunity they have to grow roots into you and affect your character and affect your mindset and affect your heart and affect your outlook, affect your beliefs about yourself, affect your beliefs about relationships, all things. It can bleed out into so many different ways. You know, so you know, the your belief system is affected by words. We we think that that our brain, we think that our brain, our mind searches and tells us the truth. But what our brain does is searches for things to confirm what we believe to be true, which is why Jesus talks about renewing our mind. And so we don't want to have a mind that's driven by words of death, words of rot, words of decay, words of words of Satan, words of lies. That's the the you know, verse 25 is where we started. Don't stop being false, stop being fake, stop telling lies and tell the truth. Who is the father of lies?

SPEAKER_01 58:08

Satan.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

Satan. And and and and God is the father of truth because he is truth. And so just be aware of that. Just be aware of that, of the power of your words and the power of hearing and letting words of other people implant.

SPEAKER_00 58:23

That's that's good. Like me, I get what you're saying there. By renewing our mind, we don't have to receive those negative words. And just because somebody says something to you does not mean it's true. But you've got to be able to weigh that against the people.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

But if you don't recognize that, you will receive it as true, whether it's a lie or not.

SPEAKER_00 58:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

And and whether it's about you or about her or about him or that.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

You hear that you hear something, you're like, that's not true in the a whole lot. Well, consider the source.

SPEAKER_03 58:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

You you say that to people a lot. This person never says anything good about anybody, so why would you expect them to say something good about you? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 59:07

Avoid that person like a plague.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

Well, I want to use my final thought to touch on something that we didn't touch on this morning, and I think it's easy. I've never, I've I've known this verse um my whole life, and the context of everything around it stood out to me this morning like a giant bullseye, and that's verse 30 uh of Ephesians 4 says, Don't grieve God's Holy Spirit. You are sealed by him for the day of redemption. We think if you have any question about how important words are in this context of what we're saying and how important our words are, we're given the directive that our words have the ability to grieve the Holy Spirit who we've been sealed by for the day of redemption. If it moves the heart of God, how important is it? Pretty important. Yeah. I mean, it gets more important. There are very few things I think that grieve God's heart, the way that how we treat others, how we use our words to build up or to tear down, uh matter. And so the little things that we think are insignificant, just little blow-off comments or little, oh, you know, I don't know, sounds right. I'm gonna go ahead and share that with someone else, because what it sounded right when they said it to me, it has the power to grieve the heart of the person of the Holy Spirit. That's pretty significant. That's that's that's I think if we take that mindset, we'll guard our top we'll guard our tongues in a little bit different way. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

Amen. Yep, that was a good sum it up. Yep, that'll that'll wrap it all up. Um I do want to encourage you to uh check out if you haven't checked out previous episodes of Build, um, go and and check out Sunday sermons. You can do all of that by going to fbcdan.com. You can find all of the information there that you need there. There's information on how you can get connected to our church locally, and I want to always encourage you to be involved locally with your church, whether that's here or that's a thousand miles away, wherever you are, Asia. I think we this year, this last week we had somebody download us in Asia. I don't know. Be involved wherever you are and uh and serve because that's what we're called to do. And we will see y'all next week.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:47

Peace.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:49

Well, that's it for this week's episode of Build. Remember, what we build with our hands fades, but what we build on Christ lasts forever. If today's episode encouraged you, share it and keep the conversation going. You can find past messages, upcoming events, and ways to connect at fbcdan.com. Let's keep building our faith one brick at a time. We'll see you next time.