Episode 16 - Jane Lloyd - Fine Artist

Jane has spent her life hiding behind her art. Her paintings, delicate wildlife, and soft edges have always been her shield - the part of her she lets the world see. But behind the brushstrokes lies a woman who has carried grief, fear, and self-doubt for decades. Losing her mother at 13, a partner to cancer on her 21st birthday, and navigating postnatal depression and mental health challenges, Jane has learned to survive by shrinking herself, being quiet, lovable, and easy.

Her mask of calm, kindness, and capability has been a way to be seen, to be the “good girl,” while quietly wrestling with overwhelm, ADHD questions, and self-belief that faltered under trauma. Stepping away from teaching and into her own creative path has been her first act of true self-advocacy. Slowly, she is learning that she doesn’t need to be cheerful, perfect, or tidy to be worthy - she just needs to be herself.

For Jane, visibility means showing up fully - messy, imperfect, human, and creative. It means sharing her fears, her mistakes, and her emotional depth, so that others may see that struggle and resilience can coexist. Through her art and her story, Jane helps others feel less alone, encouraging them to embrace their messy, brilliant selves and to know that they too can reclaim their voice.

Jane has stepped beyond fear and perfectionism to embrace her authentic, creative self. Through her art and her story, she shows that worth isn’t about being tidy or perfect - it’s about courage, resilience, and daring to be fully seen.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi, I'm Joanna, and this is Stories from Behind the Mask, the parts we edit out. Every week I'll be sitting down with entrepreneurs who've built businesses, created legacies, dared to show up in the world. And we talk about the stories they usually keep to themselves. The doubts, the wins, the personal challenges, the moments that changed everything. This is about being seen, unpolished, and completely real. So, if you're ready for honesty and truth, it's time to share today's story from behind the mask.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

And was part of my Unmask co-bought last year. Good morning, Jane. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Good morning, Joanna. I'm really good, thank you. I feel like it's a big honour to be on your podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Oh, thank you. That was a big honour to have you in Unmasked. So just give everyone a brief introduction into who you are, um, what the business is about, and just a little bit of a backstory um about you.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Yeah, so I'm um an artist, I'm a full-time artist. Um, it's taken me quite a long time to say that. Um, and I paint nature and wildlife art using symbolism and the Welsh culture to sort of weave that story in. Um, I was a teacher for 14 years and left teaching nearly two years ago and haven't looked back. It's been fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Fantastic. And what made you leave teaching?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Um so teaching was like my life, basically. It's um what I I loved, it was shaped me, it's given me so much joy. But somewhere along the line, I just felt like I disconnected from myself, and I wasn't I wasn't me anymore. I was honouring everyone else and being for everyone else, and I needed to have me back. So yeah, that's why that yeah, ultimately. So have you been an artist your whole life, and that's why you decided to transition into I've always dabbled with art, I've always drawn and uh mainly cartoony type things. Um, and I got my job as an art teacher in 2010 and really upped my game with my drawing skills. So it was it was I could teach them how to do things, but they've never seen me draw per se in front of them. I was too nervous to do it, and so I thought this is ridiculous, I've got to get over this. So um, so yeah, I brushed up my skills, started drawing realistically, and that's where it all took off. I thought if I can do this, I could do lots of other things, started to exhibit, um, which was also brilliant for my teaching because the pupils could see that art can be a career, and you can um, because I think everyone has the um narrative, don't they? Don't do art, you won't make any money, or don't, you know, art's a fun thing to do, it's not a career. And I wanted to show them that actually you can have it as a career. So that became a really important element to my teaching. And I'd bring in photos of me in exhibitions and tell them all about it and get them to go and see, and and yes, it became a really important element to it.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Love that because I I did art for my GCSE at college and not college at school, and and I did art and design at college, and it is that stigma, isn't it? You can't make money out of art.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Yeah, and yet you look around you, and everything you see has been designed by an artist or a designer. Everything. When you start thinking about it, the curtains, your clothes, your trainers, the cars you drive, the seat, your seat you're sitting in, everything. And yet that side of life people think isn't important.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

I think everyone sort of possibly thinks that it's just about painting and drawing. It's not, it's it's so much more, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

So much more, yeah. And even the painting and the drawing side of it is it's more important than just the visual element, it's how it makes you feel, and it's that um that quietness that you get from taking part in that or even looking at it, but it's the when you go into yourself and you're in that flow and you forget what's going on around you, and you the that's why people say hours go by, and I don't know where it went, because you're in that state of creative flow and it's just amazing.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I think we're very similar in that way with the photography and the art. Excuse me, um you get lost in it, and it's yeah, it's that um the emotional connection, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Yeah, definitely. And I, you know, I've been reading as well that even just going to an art gallery or standing in front of a piece of art, no matter if it's in a cafe or a library or wherever, it gives you that state of flow. You still get that just from looking at it. So imagine if you're actually doing it, what that gives you. So, like you, you get lost and immersed in what you're doing, which is really good for your mind and your heart and and everything. Yeah, totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yeah. Um, so when you um decided to come on board and do en masse, you we I get everyone to create their story, and you said that you spent a lot of your time hiding behind your arc.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Yeah, um yeah, I don't I don't think I realised quite how much. Um I don't even know how to put it into words really. So it takes a lot to put yourself out there um as an artist because you are you're bearing your soul onto a canvas and what people say about it can rightly or wrongly, you shouldn't really go with what people say, but it can really break you in a way, I suppose, if it's negative and it's I don't know if um I don't know where I'm going with this really, but um yeah, I'm not really sure what what I'm saying to become I've lost my train of thought.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Did you find that um and we're talking about obviously what's behind the mask, um that that was your mask, the art was your mask, and then you um yeah, to a certain extent I would say so, but I think it it's taken me a long time to actually show my work.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

I think that that is I was hiding what I could do, and I think it's only after I've left teaching that I've actually become more confident with my creativity because I think to for a long time I would think that my art had to be realistic and had to be something that you could kind of recognize, um, and it had to be on a canvas and it had to be done in a specific way, and and now I feel like it can be anything. Um and I think that's part of of lifting the mask and showing who you really are. Um it's trying out new things, isn't it? And not being afraid if it fails. Um, so things like um trying different size pieces of work, going really small, going really large, painting on shop windows in front of people, um creating art that you can wear. So all of these things I've been experimenting with. And it's amazing the buzz that you get out of that. Very, very scary standing in a shop window and painting it and people pointing and yeah. Um, but I suppose that's part of lifting that mask, isn't it? So you can't hide behind it when you're doing that.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Yeah, we're there in full flow with the world watching. Yeah. That's the site very freeing about that, isn't there?

SPEAKER_02 10:53

I think that's where you get the buzz. It is really freeing, and you and you realise as well that if I make a mistake, I could just wipe wipe it off and redo it on a window, but that's fine. Um when you're doing it onto things that are wearable, it's a little bit different, but you can always fix things. So I think that's part of it, isn't it? It's knowing that not everything is permanent, you can change stuff. And that's partly with unmasking as well, isn't it? You don't have to stay as you were, you can change it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

So just going back to your younger self, um, is it okay to kill quite woman? Yeah. Yeah. Um say that you lost her at 13? Yes. That must have been extremely difficult, especially uh I know it's not easy at any age I lost my mum 15 years ago, but at the age of 13, that's not a young, very tender isn't that.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Yeah, very much so. Um and I don't think well, we didn't realise how ill she actually was. And so um that did come as a massive shock. And it's you know, it's all sorts of things like she was obvious um a massive part of my life. I get my creativity from her mainly. Um, she used to paint on all sorts of things, slate, stone, um, used to be little quirky characters, little ladybirds and vines and all sorts. Um and yeah, it's it's hard when you're that age because you're obviously you're going through like your hormonal things and you're looking for some kind of guide. Um, and you start kind of learning other behaviors from the people who are around you. So you look at how they are with their parents and how to behave in this circumstance, and so I think a lot of my traits and behaviours obviously come from you know, my my parents, my mum, my dad, my brother. But I've also got learned behaviours from other people and how how they were with their parents and how they were with other people, I've kind of taken that on board. So I think a lot of my people pleasing has come from a variety of different influences.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Was there a point where do you feel like that you lost your mum so young that I guess you wouldn't have known what sort of person you would have become if she had been still here?

SPEAKER_02 14:06

That's something that I think about a lot. Um and I like to think that I wouldn't have changed that much. Um I think I I've kind of really thought about um lots of elements of that. Um and one thing that I have thought was I could have really gone the other way and gone off track and you know um turned out completely different because of what happened. Um but I think because she instilled so much in me, values and you know how you behave and all of that, I think that that was just so strong that my only way of um carrying on was to go and do A-levels, go and do uni, still keep that creative element within me, be a little bit quirky, be a little bit, you know, mischievous, because that was what she was like. Um so you kind of looking back on it now that I'm older than her, which is quite strange to think, um yeah, I'm proud of proud of where I am now.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

And I think she would be Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Um You also said that you wrestled with the uh overwhelming ADHD questions and that um how to had to be thought as the good girl. Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

So that's something I still struggle with, to be quite honest. I you know, I want to be the person who supports other people, I want to be dependable and liked, and all of those things that we all want. But when I look at other people around me and I think, yeah, but you're so confident. And if you don't want to do something, you say no and you don't do it. And but that element of always do as you're told, always be polite, wait in the queue until it's your turn, don't push past anyone else. You know, all of that, give stuff to other people if they don't have it, and yet, like you know, I just said to you, we were in London before, and everywhere around you, you've got people pushing you, people going in front of you to get in the line, you know, and equally you've got lovely people, and you've got people who let you pass, but I've struggled with that, I don't, and I still struggle with it. Um and I think I'll always have that element of the good girl being at my core. Um, but there is a mischievous, quirky and funny girl there as well. And she she's coming out.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Good. You can be a good girl and be mischievous at the things that you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Yes, you can, yeah. As long as you don't hurt anyone, I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Um do you think that you had to present that for a long time, that on?

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Yeah, loads. Um, so I I got my art teacher job in 2010. Um, and I would just go, yes, of course I'll do that. Yes, of course I'll do this. Um and 2014, or maybe a little bit later, um things came to a head because I had half of my art lessons taken off the timetable. Um, without consulting me, it was all sort of done, you know, um cloak and dagger in a way. And two days before we broke up for the summer holidays, I found out that I was teaching eight different subjects that most a lot of them had never talked for. So it was like one lesson of geography, one lesson of history, RE, PSE, all sorts. And this is secondary.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Yeah. So it's not even like you you could just brush up and you know, you have to know what you're talking about when you're doing secondary. And that was the first time that I'd gone into the office and actually exploded and stood up for myself. And since then, I think it just really gave me a bit of, you know, and I think people actually respected me for that more than just taking it. But that year where I had to teach eight subjects, that was very hard. Very hard, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah, that just sounds like just throw you in at the deep end, why not? You know?

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Yeah. And no concent you know, no sort of discussion, the the timetable couldn't be changed because it was two days before the summer. And and yeah, so I think that was a turning point in a way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Was there a I'm guessing I was gonna ask, was there a moment where you felt something changed? But I'm guessing that would be the point for you when things started to change.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

Yeah, that would be the start of it. That coupled with the fact that I was doing my own art and having exhibitions and starting to sell stuff. Um, and I kind of quickly thought, well, doing original pieces of art take a long time. But if I sold prints of that, then I'm getting like a recurring revenue type thing, and coasters and cushions and all of that. So that's what I started doing. Um and I think that that was really the beginning of so 2014 was really the beginning of me finding something that I was really passionate about and thought I could actually do something with it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

What does um how do you feel like you show up differently now than when you than you used to now? You feel like you've got you've recorded reclaimed some of your spiciness. You feel you're free to show it.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

I feel more confident. I'm becoming more confident in myself. I wouldn't say I'm there yet. Um, but uh yeah, I I'm looking after myself more. So although this week is absolutely crazy, I am trying to put in days where it's just for me or it's a day off where I don't have to go anywhere. Um, and it's it's conserving. Your energy, isn't it, for you and for the creativity? Because if you don't look after you, then how can you create and produce all these wonderful things?

SPEAKER_01 22:14

And you still create a one or die off, or you just switch off completely.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

No, no, I'm still creating. The thing is, is it's not even if I'm doing it physically, it's still going on in my mind. So um, when I was in Chelsea, we're seeing all these colourful outfits and hats, and I was saying to my friends, Oh, those hats are so plain, they need one of mine. And I wanted to go up to one lady and say, You need to burn your hat. And I thought, well, that doesn't sound right because it sounds like I'm gonna set it on fire. But I actually I'd burn intricate designs with a pyrography tool on to hat, and um and it just sparked something so that all of my time in Chelsea I was just thinking, oh what if I could do this? And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

I'm guessing we were saying that you went to Chelsea Flower show, does that can then get your creativity sparked? Because I know it would for me.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Yeah, so much. There's so much vibrancy, colour, uh, creative ideas, and you're just surrounded by it in so many different forms. And I think that's that's what's lovely, isn't it? And you get that feeling, get this warm feeling just rising inside you, and you want to get hold of a paper and pencil and write it down and start sketching things out and doing mind maps of what you could do, and and yeah, so I I mean I've taken so many photos and run my battery right down, um, just photosnapping, and um, but yeah, I've got all of that to kind of look forward to unraveling and deciding what I'm gonna do with it.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yes, I can't wait to see what you can come up with. Is there any part of your um story that people don't usually see, people don't really speak about?

SPEAKER_02 24:29

I've got a lot of people who say to me recently, you're so brave. And I'm like, why? I don't feel brave at all. And they're talking about me leaving a a good job um and setting up on my own. I don't feel brave, I don't feel it. Um, but I can see what they mean. You're you you know, you don't have a wage anymore. You have to create that um money, don't you? And you I mean, as you know, it's really, really hard. And you have to come up with all these crazy ideas of, you know, workshops and painting windows in front of lots of people, and you know, to get that money in. And I think what people don't see is the struggle, is the times when you sat there and you're thinking, right, nobody's booked this, nobody, you know, what can I do? I don't want to come across as salesy and people annoying people by putting it out too much. Um, but I, you know, I've got to eat, I need food, and people don't see that bit. They see all the bits that I want them to see, obviously. And I think that's maybe a weakness in my storytelling, is something I I think I need to show more of, is the struggle. Um, because I think naturally we we show the good parts and we want to show off the Instagrammable bits. But I think people want to see how you've got there as well. And I don't think I share that enough. I don't share the times when I'm sat on the sofa and I can't get started because I'm worried about what X will think and what Y will think, and am I annoying this person?

SPEAKER_01 26:35

I think everyone feels like that at some point. You've been a yeah. You don't you you put a block in front of yourself because you feel like you you need to sell it, but oh actually no, build a bit isn't selling it, so I'm not gonna do it. And then you only put a little bit out. It's a lot easier than it's a circle, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

That's really tough. But I think a lot of what you put out there people don't see anyway. I think from what I've heard, you have to share something at least 10 to 20 times for people to actually see it. So I kind of try and think, well, even if I put it out there and I am annoying someone, well, they can scroll past, they don't have to, you know, they don't have to take it in, do they?

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Is that um is there anything that feels important for you to say out loud today to anyone that's listening?

SPEAKER_02 27:36

I think just to know your worth, know that you are important and that whatever you do, you bring something to this world that lifts others up, and um you have an effect on people that you have no idea about yeah, I'm getting emotional now.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

And what so I've asked quite a lot of um spoken to um what does being unmasked, we're not never fully unmasked, are we, but what what does being proportionally unmasked mean to you to done?

SPEAKER_02 28:23

I I just feel like since we've started this process, it's really made me kind of think um that you know, good just going back to what I I was saying there about how important what you do is. And it's through doing the workshops that I do that I've realized that it's not about doing the art, it's not about what they produce, it's about that time that you provide for them to have the permission to switch off, to create, and they don't have to um perform like women who who come to me and they're um yeah, they just haven't had the permission to do something for themselves. We do so much for everyone else, and I think that is what this unmasking has done for me, is it's empowered me A, to provide that for other people, but for to do it for me, you know, that's why I'm doing it, I'm doing it for me. Um giving myself that purpose of why I left teaching. It's I've you know, I still love teaching, and that's how I'm doing it. I'm bringing other people that power within them.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

That's you just put that really beautifully because I feel like that's what our master was, you know. Um it was bringing people together. It wasn't just a photo shoot, it's not just it's not just having pictures, it's it's it's everything else. It's the community, it's the people, it's having a space to breathe and think and sell and I'm gonna punch them.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yeah, exactly that. And I think what you've done is so important that you know, just because I don't think we ever think about why we do things or why we've got the mask on, but we all do wear it, and I think you've um you've started me thinking about what I want to do and why it's important and to give that purpose. Um, but it was all the other sort of little elements as well. When you you know booking the photo shoot, I thought I was just gonna turn up and you were gonna stop the photos and off I go. Oh my god, it was so much more than that. It was such a lovely, lovely day. So um, the lady that did my makeup, we had such um a profound conversation that that was even, you know, I can't even put it into words, but that empowered and um influenced me as well. And then leaving the photo shoot after, you know, after you'd worked your magic and you know, I felt a bit awkward doing it, and you didn't make, you know, you didn't make me feel awkward, you made me feel really comfortable and um the photos are absolutely amazing. But I left there feeling I was stretting my stuff walking down, walking back to the station. I felt so good. I felt taller, I felt I can do this. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

It was a very empowering day, I think, for everybody. It was uh very special, very, very special.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Yeah, and I unfortunately missed out on the um unveiling, so I can't wait to I can't wait to see my photo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

That's gonna be a special moment.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Yes, it will. Very special. So yeah, you've created something amazing, Joe. You really have.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Um, so I'm gonna it's time to wrap up. Is there anything else that you'd like to to say or add or um where can everybody find you? That's the main thing.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Yeah. Um, so I'm on Instagram and Facebook, and uh as Jane Lloyd Fine Artist and my website. Um and if anybody does want to sort of book uh a painting retreat or a lineer retreat or anything like that, and actually get back to feeling empowered through creativity, then they can contact me there and I would love to go and see them and create something beautiful with them.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Amazing. So the um all your details will be on the on the on um the podcast. So the links will be there. So anybody wants to find Jane can go and find um on her episode. Um and yeah, thank you so so much. I can't wait to see you in November for the uh the second exhibition. Um that's been amazing. Another truly beautiful themes. Um yes, thanks for so much for coming and talking to me for the gentleman.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Oh, thank you, Joe. See you soon. Thank you. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

Thank you for listening to stories from behind the mask. The parts we edit out are the ones that matter the most. If something in this conversation stayed with you, let it. You don't need to rush to fix or frame it. And if you're in a season of unmasking and finding your story, know this. You don't have to do it all at once. I'm Joanna, and I'll see you next time.