Healing The Warrior Family

A veteran can survive war and still lose the fight at home. Today we sit down with Marine veteran James Holland, who served 12 years in infantry with multiple combat deployments and then ran headfirst into a different kind of battlefield: traumatic brain injury, delayed care, and a VA process that treated symptoms while his family absorbed the fallout. His story is raw and specific, from years of “pain management” to a surgery that left him half paralyzed and forced his wife into the role of full-time caregiver, putting their finances and stability at risk.

That crisis became the origin story for Set Apart Farms, a faith-based model built around one conviction: healing doesn’t happen in isolation. We talk about why modern “fix the individual” thinking can fracture marriages even further, and why a family is more like a unit than a set of separate problems. James breaks down covenant versus contract, what resentment looks like when only one spouse gets help, and the smallest practical step that starts rebuilding trust: praying together every night, out loud, consistently.

We also dig into daily habits that create real change, the link between physical fitness and leadership at home, and how what you feed your mind shapes the atmosphere of your house. From cutting toxic media to restoring the dinner table as a mentoring space, we focus on what veteran families can do this week, not someday. Then we zoom out to veteran transition support, policy gaps for spouses and kids, and why preparation should start 9 to 12 months before discharge.

If this conversation hits home, subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, share it with a veteran family, and leave a review so more people can find a better path forward.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Living Inside Out Radio Show with John Peake.

Marine Service And Combat Injuries

SPEAKER_04 0:14

Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peak. Thank you for joining us on Patriot Talk Radio, on Spotify, or on Apple. I have a great show today, and we have tied into a very special guest, James Holland, a Marine veteran, a leader of families and community of builders. He has uh a great testimony and he's got a uh a ministry called Set Apart Farms. James, welcome to the show, brother. Oh, thank you for having me. Thank you very much. So, James, tell us a little bit about your Marine background so people can understand, man, you're one of them. The veterans that are listening, that I want them to know who they're who they're dealing with.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

So I did uh I joined the Marine Corps back in 2000. I got out in 2012. So I did 12, 12 years in infantry marine. Uh you know, five combat deployments, three to Iraq, two to Afghanistan. Suffered quite a bit of um of concussions from IED blasts and things like that. Uh had traumatic brain injury. That's kind of what pushed me out of the Marine Corps. So I kind of had the brain of an NFL quarterback. Unfortunately, I didn't have the bank account. So that kind of is what made me choose the separation of the military. Uh also had some injuries that were sustained in combat that I needed to get taken care of. Uh the plan was kind of like, all right, when you get out, you need to go to the VA. VA's gonna handle you, they're gonna take care of you. So did that very thing, got out of the Marine Corps, went checked into the VA, they did some some ransom tests, said, Oh, yeah, you definitely need some surgery here. Unfortunately, we do not have uh, we're really short on orthopedic surgeons at the time. So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna run you through um, you know, we'll help you with pain management. And what they meant by that was alternating mean between hydrocodone and oxycodone about every six months, and then going in for sports therapy sessions every week to try to keep flexibility or try to keep movement in in my arm and shoulder, and and that's where I had most of the problems. So uh I was on that program for right under five years, four years, eleven months to be exact.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

And that's before surgery.

VA Delays And Life After Surgery

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Yeah, this is prior surgery, yeah. So they were waiting for I've been waiting for was waiting for the surgery, waiting and waiting. So finally uh I was able to uh get a call and they said, Hey, we have this new program now, and we're gonna be able to get you in, get you the surgery. That was January of 2017. I went in for the surgery, and uh it was supposed to be an eight to ten week turnaround of recovery. Came out of that, and there was a problem. There was uh my right arm no longer worked. It was just dead meat, just hung there. I had no mobility in my head, couldn't look left, right, up, or down. Um, so I was basically half paralyzed. They didn't know what went wrong. So they immediately, you know, their reaction to that was to thrust me into anywhere between 11 to 13 appointments a week to try to figure out the issue and fix it. Um what that did was that caused my wife to become my full-time caregiver, right? She had to help me get dressed, had to drive me to these appointments, had to help me shower. Um, we had a two-year-old daughter at the time. So I was the breadwinner, I was the worker, and and now all of a sudden none of us were I was her full-time job, so she couldn't go work. Uh savings dwindled quick and in a hurry. And next thing we know, we found ourselves in a really bad situation of looking at being displaced and and not having a place to live. So we had to fall back down here to Texas, to Houston on family, thank goodness. And uh I ended up getting my second and third surgeries here at the Houston VA in order to get that correction made uh on the first surgery. During that whole process, though, we started to be shown gaps and problems uh with organizations, with with the whole process, right? We started to immediately reach out to veteran organizations and say, hey, listen, we need help, right? What do I do? Like I walked in on my own two feet, now I'm in a lot of trouble and and things aren't working out. Um if I called ten organizations in a day, eight of them immediately denied me because I didn't have a drug or alcohol addiction, which is seems a little backwards, right? You would think you let's get you clean and sober and then we can help you. Unfortunately, that's where the grant money's tied up. So that's where they have to spend the money is that way. So that automatically disqualified me. So then you go to the other two. If I called 10 and two of them are willing to take me, once it got to talking about, all right, now what do we do with my wife and my daughter? Every time the answer was uh, well, we're gonna try to get them enrolled in the city shelter while we figure out what the BA did wrong with you, which obviously is not gonna be the solution either. So that's where we realized, okay, we we have some problems here, there's some gaps here, there's nothing that exists that actually will heal this, the the heal our family unit or or help fix us with this issue. We started to re you know, kind of to reach out a little bit, Congress members and and other people make a little splash on social media. Next thing you know, we got uh all kinds of of responses from other veterans that the same very thing happened to. So we realized really quickly we were being called to create something that didn't exist for our family. And that's when we started set apart farms. And that's basically our approach is healing the entire family as a unit, together as one, not separating them. And so, yeah, kind of a little bit of that's a short background of of where I came from in the Marine Corps and then how set apart farms came to live.

Healing Through Community And Covenant

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Wow, that's pr that's amazing and terrible all at the same time. Well, you know, as part of my Living Inside Out radio program, I I prepare for this and I look at the background of my guest, and I talked about and what came to me is the battle didn't end overseas, it came home. And so you're having these battles uh at home with the marriage, with the finances, with the mental health, the physical health, and you know what a battle with without the support system that you had when you were in the military and now you're out. Uh it's really a huge gap. So one of the things that it that I talk about on Living Inside Out is we don't just live from the outside pressures of the life, we live from the inside, guided by truth, purpose, and the Spirit of God. And so part of this healing and recovery that you went through, you share with me when we weren't recording about your faith, and that was a big thing. So we're gonna tie that in together with the whole 7M's and cover you know what that really means. So we're gonna walk talk about something real, something most people miss. The war doesn't end when our warriors come home. It often uh just changes battlefields. And an unsupported battlefield in many cases, like you were talking about. You don't have the leadership taking the role and manage micromanaging every spot of the problem, whether it's physical, financial, your shelter. So it's pretty upsetting when I was listening to your story. I could feel my temperature rise a bit. It's got to be a solution, right? And you want it to happen fast, but we're dealing with the government, so we know that's not gonna happen. So it's important to have patience and try to make make the right choices. But so exposing it is what we're gonna do today. We're exposing some things, and we're gonna definitely bring in some aspects of the ministry and how we can work uh through a spiritual side to protect our minds so we don't lose it, we don't lose control, we still have to be husbands and fathers and responsible citizens. So, James, here's a question for you. You said something powerful. The healing aspect of it with set apart farms. You told me earlier that healing doesn't happen in isolation. That goes against a lot of modern therapy. But from a faith perspective, what you did discover about how God actually designed, how did God actually design healing to happen, in your opinion?

SPEAKER_03 7:42

So what we've what we've kind of come to see with with uh with that from a faith perspective, we discovered that God designed healing to happen primarily in relationship, in community, so not in isolation, right? And scripture is very clear on this. Absolutely the Bible tells us that the family and the church as a is is it's presented as a body, right? One interconnected unit where uh every part affects the others. So I think it was it's Paul that tells us this in 1 Corinthians 12 that he writes, uh that just as the human body is one unit with many parts, so it is with Christ's body. So if one part suffers, every part suffers with it. Um you can't he you can't expect to heal one member in isolation and then expect that whole body to thrive. It it's not gonna work that way. Um you can have wonderful feet, but if you have bad knees, what what's a good you know, it's it's not gonna do you much good. Um you have to heal, it's the whole mind, body, and soul. You have to heal the whole thing. Um so that's kind of what we saw was it was through through unity, right? It was gonna take a unit a united front in order to can to really get to the healing aspect of it, not not the surface level of recovery, which short-term recovery is is is good and needed sometimes, but in order to get to that healing aspect, it's a united front that needs to happen.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

And you know, in my mind, when I hear that united front, that's perfect for my living inside out because it is about spirit, mental, emotional, intellectual, and physical, right? So that's what you're talking about. But you had another thing you talked about about um healing as a body, but let's talk about a family unit, not just the soldier coming back, but his whole family, right? So we're gonna heal from more of a covenant perspective, right? So instead of uh just fix the individual, it's more of a restore the covenant structure. So you're talking about the family unit now?

SPEAKER_03 9:32

Absolutely. Yeah, that's one of the biggest shifts that we've seen with how we're working with these families. Um they're coming out of the military and they're just seem like it's falling apart, right? Um modern, like you said earlier, modern culture kind of says like fix the individual. And I've heard this, you know, even throughout the Christian movement. If you you know fix the husband and you fix the family. I I find that to be it's it's a little off. They're still missing some steps there, right? And they'll usually say that you fix that veteran or fix that spouse and fix that child, and the family is just gonna magically improve. That's not necessarily true. Um the scripture shows that God designed the family as a covenant structure. And I think some people need to realize the difference, and they don't really exactly understand the difference between a covenant and a contract. It's it they're very contractual in their marriage, right? And that's a huge difference when you talk about a covenant and a contract. Um, in a covenant, you're bringing God, He's involved in in this whole process. Um and when that covenant's broken or neglected, individual healing is gonna definitely have lim have its limits. Um you know, we look at the first covenant that God makes, it's a very important one, like because it's the first one, Genesis 2, and it's a marriage covenant, right? The man shall leave his father and his mother and become one in flesh with his wife. Um so we take that pretty serious, especially looking at that being the most the first covenant that's made. So it is about realigning, realigning that marriage under the covenant aspect of how God you know made it. And you do that, you you repent together, you forgive together, you pursue God's purpose as one. And the children begin to to even heal through that process, even when they're not the main focus sometimes. Right. So we heal that whole family together, we don't separate the family or make it an individual thing. But sometimes some families don't necessarily want to thrust their children into the healing process at first, but they start to come back to us and say, We're already seeing a difference. And I say, now watch what happens when you get them involved and and watch how the long-term effects of this healing happen. So yeah, so we're we're not primarily trying to just fix individuals, we're working to restore the covenant structure that God originally designed.

Why Treating One Spouse Fails

SPEAKER_04 11:35

That's amazing. So, what happens inside a home when both people are wounded but only one is being treated?

SPEAKER_03 11:41

Um okay, so that's a big that that that's one of the the most painful realities that we came across when we first started this, right? Because we kind of assume the same thing. Well, the veteran, this veteran has all these issues and these problems. And look, we get it all the time. Usually nine out of ten times the veteran is is a male and and then you know, he has his wife. And the wife's usually contacting us and is saying, Here's my veteran, fix them. And it's like, well, hold on. And they usually get a little surprised when I start asking them questions about their routine, about their life, about their uh childhood. When they're kind of like, Well, why am I on the spotlight here? It's like, look, the same reason if I if I had a fire team that was messing up or that wasn't cutting it, I didn't just go right to the fire team leader, I talked to the entire fire team, right? It's the whole fire team that's meant that's fallen short here. So that's what you guys are, right? This is a forever fire team, so we need to get to the root of this. Now, when you look at only dealing with one aspect, if you were to just separate one parent and say, We're gonna just give you all these tools and all these, you know, components, and you're leaving the other one out, there's a lot of resentment that still builds up there, right? We end up with a lot of issues. Um when only one spouse, which is generally in our situation, the veteran, gets treatment while the other is carrying their own unaddressed traumas, um that house sometimes often becomes a pressure cooker.

unknown 13:05

Right.

SPEAKER_04 13:05

I see that in a lot of organizations, but whether it's martial arts school, whether it's a music, you know, uh ministry or a band or uh it's a corporation, there's a misalignment, right? Everybody's not on the same page, and it uh especially in a marriage, it creates emotional distance. Oh, basically. And that's so dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 13:21

And you'll see two you'll see two people in the same room, but worlds away from each other.

One Simple Step: Pray Together

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Absolutely. And there's a cycle of conflict that starts now, which was already there before, and here you are trying to help it, and you can actually make it worse, especially if these things like um resentment and you know, they're gone getting help, and so they the other the spouse has to carry the burden again, and they've been carrying the burden while they've been gone on deployment, and now they're carrying it while they're being fixed or going to rehab or hundred percent or getting counsel, right? So, yeah, I can see there's no way you can just counsel one person. You really have to counsel the whole family. Um let's drill down a little bit. What's one practical first step a husband and wife can take this week to start healing together instead of separately?

SPEAKER_03 14:05

So that's a great question. And I like how you asked it, where it's it's the step, right? What's the a practical first step? Because it's not uh trying to throw too much at somebody, it it's never gonna be become uh effective. So I always say it the small and consistent beats perfect every time. And so it's the small steps. And I believe that the the single most powerful first step that we recommend with couples that that come to set up our farms, start praying together. It's that simple. It's it's it's start praying together every single night. I give them a task every night this week, uh, even if it's only for five minutes, right? You know, sit on the edge of the bed or sit on the couch or hold hands, but take turns praying out loud. Right? It's it's about praying. And so, and I'm not the only James that's gonna tell you that, right? James 5.16. Confess your sins to one another, pray for one another so that you may be healed. That's right.

Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_04 14:55

That's good. That's a great start. Most families don't fail because they don't care, they fail because they don't have a path forward. So it's about planning. So I want to talk more about this. I want to talk more about set apart farms and the structure they have that actually produces change and you know, have a bridge with this mentorship and information, modeling behavior, and accountability. I love all that. But we're gonna come right back, we're gonna take a break, and we'll be right back with more Living In South Out Radio and James Holland. Don't go away.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

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SPEAKER_04 18:59

Welcome back to Living Inset Eye Radio. Thanks for joining us today. We've had a great guest here, uh James Holland, Marine and founder of Set Apart Farms. We've been talking about healing veterans and getting them back on track to be as successful as they were in the military in real life here with their being a husband, being a father, being a productive member of society. But here's the reality: you cannot win a spiritual war with a divided house. The enemy just doesn't attack the soldier, he targets the structure of the family. We're going to talk more about purpose, daily discipline, and how small decisions rebuild a broken family and a broken nation. So purpose isn't found, it's built daily. So thank you for coming back. Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. We're talking about rebuilding the warrior family from the inside out. So, James, let me ask you a question. You said something I see all the time. People say they want change, but they're not doing anything different daily. What is the daily action? What is that missing link daily that you think they need to have?

SPEAKER_03 20:03

So the most important part of what you just said was action, right? It's actually doing something, and you nailed it. That's one of the most common things that we see. I'll I'll have a veteran reach out to me and say they're they're they're they're stuck in this rut, they're uh unsatisfied with life, they don't know how to get out of this. And I generally ask them, I say, okay, well answer me this. So what have you done different this week than last week? What have you done different this month than last month? And there's usually crickets on the other end of the line, right? Because they're not doing anything different. Um look, it's good good people with sincere hearts who generally want to better their marriages, they want stronger kids, they want more peace, but nothing's actually changing is what we run into a lot. And the reason it's that lack of daily action. That's what's missing, right? They have all good intentions. Um and like I said, sincere, there was a pastor that once said really smart, he he said something that always stuck with me, and he said there's sincere people sincerely getting it wrong. And I believe he didn't that doesn't just fall within the the biblical realm of of of ideology or interpreting the Bible. It's with a lot of things. There's some sincere people out there, but they're sincerely getting it wrong. And um what people have to realize is intentions aren't habits, right? Wanting change is an intention, right? So to want it is an intention. Change itself, though, is built by habits, right? So intentions always feel good to us. They always make us feel good because if they make us feel like we're working on it. But without those daily habits, without that action, which is true discipleship action, those are just wishes. That's it. You're not doing anything. Um you know, and and there's couples we we tell I've told couples before, your family it's not gonna change because you attend some great retreat or because you had a wonderful cry with each other. It's gonna change because what you did on Tuesday night. Right? What'd you do Wednesday morning? It's those little what are you doing throughout the week? So micro decisions, daily habits.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

Yes.

Fitness Discipline And Fatherhood

SPEAKER_04 21:54

So you're getting into action with these daily habits with intention. I like that because that's really what is what It's all about. And when I look at DeFinFit and how we we make change here, you know, it's a ministry here. We pray before and after every class, we have conversations that matter, we have individual conversations that get deeper. So there's an opportunity to get to know each other, and that's what the spouse and the husband and wife have to do, they have to get to know each other. So at DefenFit, we say body, mind, and spirit. And I like to think it this way: spirit, mind, and body. That's the right order. So why is it that when the body gets in shape, everything else starts to follow? Well, you know, there's a hormonal change, there's a mental clarity, there's discipline carries over, in other words. And that's one of the things that the soldier does. They break the soldier down, get them in physical condition, it strengthens the mind. The appetite increases, the sleep gets better. Now they're willing to receive instruction and the mind can learn and hold on to things. So what would you say to the veteran or father who's let himself go physically and doesn't see the connection?

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Well, I think I think the biggest part of that, and and you nailed it, um, you get clarity too, a clarity of mind, getting their body moving and getting fit. Um, you you fall back in into the groove of good habits, good, true, solid habits that are going to be healthy for you and the family. And it all bleeds over. It bleeds over into the rest of the family. Um I would tell them with a lot of respect, and and and sometimes you know it comes across as a little bit of judgment. Um and look, I've been there. I've been in those things, and a lot of this stems from trauma, right? Depression is is a bad rut to get out of. And so some of these people are are are experiencing trauma, and so that's why they've kind of gotten out of shape, and they but they know they need to get back into shape.

SPEAKER_04 23:40

And even trauma with the body, too, overcoming the physical fuor with your shoulder. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

At rehab's not easy, is it? Right. And there's some people, like I tell them, I said, look, um, you're you're already carrying heavy loads, right? With with with your life, and especially with with us dealing with veterans, who I bring up their deployments and the long hours they're dealing with at work and the stress, and maybe even like you said, injuries and pain. The last thing you want and the last thing they want is someone telling them that they need to get in shape. But here's the truth that you do. Your body is not separate from your calling as a husband and father. All right, when you're physically run down, it doesn't just affect you. Right? It it affects the people around you, it affects the people that you love the most. Low energy makes you shorter with your wife, with your kids. Brain fog makes it harder to lead your kids with patience and presence and love. And spiritually, it's tough to stand strong in prayer or purpose when your body feels like it's fighting, it's fighting, fighting against you every day. So you have to get moving, you have to get in shape.

Cut Toxic Inputs From The Home

SPEAKER_04 24:38

That's good. I see that connection so powerfully. So, you know, some people can take it too far and be a gym rat and use that as an avoidance technique to deal with the real realities of life. You know, I've even caught myself, you know, just the other day I was taking off with my bike and my dog. Instead of doing some stuff I needed to do for my business on getting on the internet and working some of this stuff. But I'm on, man. I put a timer, I said, we're gonna be gone this long. And when that timer I already had it in my head, I was already circling back. And so I did that micro decision. Let's set that timer, let's go do this, right? What I want to do, so I can go do what I have to do. And sometimes I flip that. My dad used to always say, Why put off to tomorrow what you can do today? And I said, I would always do this smart like a teenager. Well, dad, why do today what I can just do it tomorrow? Right. But there's a reason we need to take care of our business first, right? Take care of your business. So let's talk about how much of the struggle families face is tied to what they're feeding their mind. In other words, the media they're listening to or the social media and the negativity. Maybe it's that voice in their head.

The Dinner Table As A Reset

SPEAKER_03 25:39

This is huge. This is really big. This is one of the biggest changes. And that's why when it comes to set apart farms, building, building out the farm and the homes for the families that they're living in. Um, one of the things we had came to early on was there was no TVs that were going to be in those homes while they were going through the therapy. Right. Um I would say it's up there 70 to 80 percent of unnecessary struggle that we see in families comes straight from what they're feeding their minds every day, easily. Um most families don't realize that they're slowly poisoning their home atmosphere with uh constant negativity comparison, especially with social media. They're seeing all the highlights, right? So that's the only thing that's on, it's either very negative or everybody's highlight reel of their life, living the time of their life. And so they're compare, they're constantly comparing. Uh, you throw a little bit of fear and some garbage from the screens in on that, and you you have a pretty bad atmosphere. It's it's not it's not great. Um so you know, and a lot of people they'll get up. I I talk to these veterans all the time. What's your first hour look like? Are you waking up? Are you going immediately to the news? Are you scrolling media? Um, you know, like I said, you're scrolling highlight reels, or um, you're watching shows at night with your family of most of these shows now, or they're they they they promote broken marriages. Um, and then you wonder why, you know, there's so much tension and anxiety and disconnection at home. So I believe uh heavily in in what is in your home and what you're what you're feeding into your mind and and your children too. The devil loves to strip uh innocence. And and that's that's a big play in today's culture and society that I see is stripping the innocence from these children. You have to protect them. Um what you feed your mind becomes the atmosphere of your home, absolutely. Negativity will breed fear and division. Uh, we see it time and time again. Um so we've seen this pattern and and we do we we really push hard on on helping these families cut back any kind of toxic inputs and replace them with good ones, right? The whole atmosphere changes uh often faster than anything else we do, is when we can get them to agree to that. And um, you know, we had had a conversation about earlier, we were talking about home shopping and looking at the new homes and all these new model builds, there were no dining rooms being built up, right? It was kind of just the kitchen and then a bit of space at the end of the kitchen. You could put a table there, but then we were also looking in in the area we were looking at, there was older homes, 60s and 70s, and they had dedicated you know, dining rooms where the family sat there. And that's one one aspect we push very heavily with these families. That's one of the goals that we give them and one of the challenges we give them. Sit down and have a meal with your family. No TVs on, no phones, just you and your family. Have good, solid conversation.

SPEAKER_04 28:21

Awesome. You know, it really is a battle of the mind. That's what I'm hearing. Replace chaos with truth, guard your home mentally. Um, you know, that that dinner table time is something that I I saw with my grandfather with my family early on. Um, you know, the time for mentoring often happens through conversations at the table. Sometimes things will come to light that happen in a kid's day or your day or your spouse's day, that when brought up at the table, there's a chance to talk about it and there's a chance to have some real-world mentoring. But oftentimes there's a lack of purpose, a lack of lack of focus. Um, sometimes your brain just wants a break and you don't want to have this big teaching session every meal. So I've actually with Living Inside Out, I had a dream the other night. We were talking about this, and I was dreaming about a family dinner, and I when I woke up, I was like, wow, I hadn't had that memory in a while. So I started thinking about it. I keep uh my phone right there by the bed and I can check the time, and it's like 3 30. And I'd spent the next three hours writing about and researching about family dinners, and sure enough, there is a lot of research that proves that out scientifically. About 87 to 93 percent of families that spend three to four quality meals together, purposely talking about things going on in life, having their kids listen to them, are those percentages are the percentages of successful adults that go on to be mentally healthy, not addicted, have decent jobs, can provide for their families. So perpetuating our generations just from a simple family dinner. So part of that three hours is I actually wrote a plan about mentoring, and I came up with these 11 by 17 laminated placemats that have my Living Inside Out mentoring program on them, and you just follow the conversation, and it's um there's one for adults, there's one for teens, and one's for kids, and they can read it right off their placemat about the next question. You know, what did I do to help somebody today? What did I do to honor God today? What did I learn today? What was a challenge that I faced that I wished I I would have made a better decision? So it opens up all these kind of conversations, and you don't have to cover all seven in one day, but it gives you a purpose and a kind of a format, right? A plan that's already pre-programmed with all these powerful tools, man.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Yeah, what a great foundation. That that's I think it's a wonderful idea. I I wish we would have had that. We don't give, we we kind of tell these veterans or these families here's some things you need to try. But you having like that right there, that's a game changer. That's a real eye-opener.

Purpose That Stabilizes Money Habits

SPEAKER_04 30:50

I wish I would have had it when I was having kids. So my kids are grown now and they have their own kids. I have, you know, five grandkids. And so I have a beta test going on with my grandkids and my daughter handling this, and then I have a couple buddies that are uh in their 40s that I mentor on my church security team, and uh they're gonna do it with their families because they're all young children, they're in their 40s, right? And so they have young children, and we're gonna do it in English and Spanish. Nice because it's a it's a Spanish church that I'm going to, and we have a lot of first languages Spanish, right? And then the other ones, they want to hold not all of them, but the ones that are smart about it, they're actually holding on to their language and culture while their kids are learning English. And I think that's so important to let that go. So the placemats, you know, as you're reading them, they can be purposely in English to help them learn English, but they can also be in Spanish so you hold on to your your tradition and roots. Yeah, absolutely. And that's part of your identity, right? Yes, right. And so it's a powerful place to be. Um, we're gonna talk about money coming up, and so that's a whole nother can of worms, right? But I want to not miss that. So let's talk about an introduction to that. So when a man regains purpose, it often shows up in how he leads financially. Are you seeing families regain stability when purpose returns?

SPEAKER_03 32:04

Oh, absolutely. Yes, we are. Uh when a man reconnects with the purpose that God has for him, financial leadership usually becomes one of the first uh visible fruits that we see. Um a lot of that has to do with impulse control, right? When they start to realize that they're they're having a lack of impulse control and they start to get a handle on that and they start to create these healthy habits, and again, that comes back to just fighting the flesh, right? The flesh is is trying to with a lot of these veterans, they're they're avoiding. And so in order to avoid their they're filling that that gap with with a lack of impulse, with purchasing certain things. Or um another thing that we find with them is they're just when they were in the military, they had a commander's intent, right? They had a purpose to what they feel is their purpose. And when they leave the military, all of a sudden there's no commander's intent, and they're like, Well, what's my mission? That's why one of the biggest things for us is helping them understand what their purpose is individually, and then how does how does your purpose as a husband and your purpose individually as a wife, how do those two purposes come together to form your purpose in your marriage? Right. Um and once we help them do that, um, it it helps again, it's tackling that that fighting that flesh and that self-control. Um but yeah.

Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_04 33:21

Awesome. So I have a power statement from my Living Inside Out that deals very specifically with that. And here it is. It says, Purpose without discipline is fantasy, discipline without purpose is burnout. But when you align both, you get transformation. So coming up next, we're going bigger. We're gonna tell you more about set of part farms and living inside out. So don't go away, we'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

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SPEAKER_02 34:41

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Parents Praying In Front Of Kids

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Welcome back to Living In Set Out Radio. We've been talking about uh set apart farms. We've been talking about veterans exiting the military and not ready for what's next because there's a lot of trauma in the emotions and mental state. There's trauma in their body. And so Set Apart Farms has uh been a great outreach for veterans and reaching them in ways that are really tangible, and we're tying in the the 7Ms and living inside out with that to strengthen, come along and partner with that. So, how do we take what's working at Set Apart Farms and then turn it into a national movement, even influencing legislation that supports veteran families at scale? So, from healing families to a healing a nation. What if the solution to the veterans crisis wasn't more programs but better models? So now the foundation of everything is our faith. So, James, how do you you emphasize something critical? Parents praying in front of their kids. Why is that such a game changer?

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Yeah, so that that's probably honestly it's one of the most simplest but most powerful things that we push at at Set Apart Farms for these for um these parents. Um when kids see mom and dad pray authentically, um not in a perfect polished way, but real honest everyday prayer, it does several things. It shows them that God's real and and relational. Um it's not just a Sunday concept, right? Kids learn that you can bring everyday struggles, thankfulness, fears, and everything to Him, all your needs. Um it builds emotional and uh spiritual security. Uh children feel safe when they know that their parents are taking their problems to a father that's bigger than any problem. Um, it breaks generational curses and cycles. Uh many vows veterans and spouses, uh, they they grew up in homes where faith was private or non-existent even. Um by praying openly, they start they start modeling a living faith that they can that they can copy. And and uh I tell them always, you know, it's leading by example. Every veteran understands leading by example. You if you expect your children to pray over your grandchildren, they need to see you pray. And and it's a very simple thing to do. And a lot of them, they get nervous at first, they're not used to doing it, it's a big change. Um, but it's so simplistic. They think that it needs to be some long, drawn out, polished uh prayer. And I tell them very simply it's not. There's a there's a simple format to it. You give thanks and praise to the Father, and then you submit your request, right? It's something very simple. And and for your wife, you know, um, I tell them, I challenge these veterans, I say, tonight you're going to pray with your wife and over your wife, and you're gonna do the same with your kids. And it's as simple as just thanking him for the day. Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for your for your provisions and your grace and your mercy and all the blessings that you provide for my family, and thank you for that, the safety and the security that you provide. Uh, and I you know, I tell them sometimes a little tip, something that I do personally is before I pray over my wife, I pray over myself, but for my wife. Right? So I, you know, give me, you know, make me a better husband, right? Make me a better listener, make me somebody, increase my empathy and sympathy and and and make me just better for my wife, for for everything that she needs. Help me to fulfill her needs. And then I pray over her, right? Then I pray for her health and her endurance and strength and all the things that that she's tasked with doing, with raising the children, and and all the things she does around the home and everything. Um it's a simple format, it's that easy. Same thing with the children. Thank them for you know, give give thank thanks, give thankfulness and praise throughout the day. Um, thank him for all the blessings, thank him for the safety and security, ask for another night of it over over all of us as we sleep this night. Ask for peaceful and restful sleep over this child as they sleep, ask for good dreams, ask for no aches, ailments, or pains, ask for um you know, to to continue to heal their mind, body, and soul and allow them to rise another beautiful day that you've created for them. And it's that simple. It's it's it's a simple approach like that. It creates unity in the home. And when the kids hear the parents pray for each other and bless them and seek God together, it strengthens the whole family bond. A family that prays together stays together.

SPEAKER_04 42:29

Amen. An aspect of prayer I that I always like to bring to my kids is about surrendering. Surrender your will to God's will. Absolutely. And then you can have a list, it can be a short list, and as you go along and have better understanding, that list grows. And so that list can end up being quite extensive, the things you're surrendering to him. And it's such a powerful responsibility. And you think about fighting a fight, the last thing you think about is surrendering. No, man, it's about fighting and resisting, right? But when it comes to spiritual matters, it's really about surrendering to his will, right? Not my will, Lord, but your will. Right. And so that's modeled in the the Lord's Prayer. He gives us a format to pray from that. And it's really great to study that and break that out and understand. And one of the things I did with my family and my kids is have them lead prayer, you know, participate. So we would go around the car on the way to school. I'd start with and the kids would be next. And and sometimes they're you know more enthusiastic and than other times, right? Sometimes they're like just saying this generic prayer that's really basic. And I said, Hey, good enough, right? And then if there was continuing down that road, I would kind of prodd them a little bit. I said, Come on, you got more than that. Let's see if you can do better than that. Tell me something you're thankful for during your prayer. Thank the Lord for something. Right, right. And you're just kind of prodding them along. And and you know what that does? It does the same thing for you. Your words are prodding your own mind along, and it kind of expanded. So it doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be consistent.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Consistent. And it's it's like going to the gym. It's it's a muscle that you work. And I I truly believe the most powerful weapon that we have as individuals is the power of prayer.

Transition Prep While Still Serving

SPEAKER_04 44:04

Amen, man. That's for sure. And it starts with that first salvation. So prepping. So gosh, I can't imagine um starting a family and not having a faith. Life's hard enough, man. So when I when I had my first baby, I was a little panicked. And I I really totally rededicated my life to Christ as soon as I found out, you know, she was pregnant. I completely changed everything, man. Mostly out of fear. Mostly out of like a serious concern that I am not ready to be a dad, but I have to be. You can't just say, uh, let's make this go away. Yeah, right. You know, I mean I could, but I wasn't about to do that. So let's talk about that prep, because I think that's super important. And it's part of the Living Inside Out principle. It's part about set apart farms, had the same came to the same conclusion we talked about. We need to help these veterans earlier. We need to catch them while they're still in the military and see if we can't get legislation passed so that we're starting an ethics strategy while we still have them captive, right? So you still have them on that wake-up call, they're still in their daily routine, they're still doing their MOS, their job. But now let's put them in a classroom and teach them how to prepare to be outside of the military and all that goes with that, how to be a husband, how to be a father, how to start a business, possibly, how to prepare to be employed. I didn't you say that there was a lot of promises made, you're gonna be so employable, you've got all this training, and and that doesn't necessarily turn out to be true.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Right. The military does a great job uh providing a false sense of security to military service members when they say, you know, all your leadership skills and all the things that you've refined since you've been here, a lot of employers are gonna want you when you get out there in the field. And that's honestly that's just not true. It's just not. There's too much stigma that now has been placed around veterans, like whether it's addiction or or appointments or anger or PTSD. And so a lot of employers don't want to have to deal with that. And so um so unfortunately that it's not the truth, but a lot of service members don't realize that until it's sometimes a little too late when they're right in it.

SPEAKER_04 46:04

Wow, I can imagine if they had that expectation, but they're still deficient in their spiritual walk, they're still deficient as a husband and a father, um, they're gonna be so much more frustrated now that they they're bubble burst and they realize I can't even get a job. Right. Yeah. So they're not really prepared. And so this legislation you're talking about focusing on, this is a game changer. If we can get legislation passed so that the military, as part of their job, they prepared them for battle, they prepared them for due jobs in the military. Um, what do you think the barrier is for the military not preparing them so much for a civilian job?

Policy Gaps: Insurance And Therapies

SPEAKER_03 46:42

I haven't put my finger completely on it. If I had to be honest, it's uh there's a a a loss of of leadership, in my opinion, that that's really lacking when it comes to the transition. We see the route. So when we first started out on our journey with set apart farms, we thought we were helping these these single homeless veterans. And we realized early on, uh a majority of them, we were helping a group out of Waco, and there was about a hundred almost 150 vets, and they were homeless and they were single. At one point in time, about eighty, eighty-four to eighty-seven percent, uh, that fluctuates because some were legally married, some were married by law in the state of Texas, had at one point had a spouse, had a family. And when that family was no longer in the picture, their life completely spiral out. So we said, okay, well, how do we get more to the root of this? So let's start focusing on the family unit, catching that veteran family prior to it falling apart. We really thought we found the root. Come to find out, now eight years down the road doing this, we realized the root is more of catching these military families when they're still in the military looking to transition out. So if we can catch them nine months to twelve months out of leaving the military, we can lay their plan out. We can start go ahead and working on this is what again finding their purpose, right? So finding their purpose is a very important part of this because the way we go about it is we don't just you don't just individually find your purpose as the as the husband. Um you do it together. So the wife and the husband learn their individual purpose with their spouse. So you're learning your individual purpose, but you're also learning your spouse's purpose. And then at the end of that, you come together and learn your purpose as a couple. So how does your individual purpose and her individual purpose come together and form your your marriage purpose? Um, setting them up for success that way prior to exiting the military is is really gonna be the root of catching these problems and preventing all these issues that we're seeing with veteran families falling apart and then finding, you know, homeless vets and things of that nature. And and I think working with legislature and policy, what that's gonna look like is the the medical, a lot of it is the medical side of the house, the insurance. So when you're in the military, you're a service member, they had there's a saying that goes, it's not just the service member that's serving, it's the whole family. But as soon as you exit the military, that goes away. That that's you know, that was just something that was said, right? So when we're getting some of these veterans that get out, these service members that are have disabilities and they have problems and they're having to go to the VA to get these these things looked at, there's nothing for the spouse, right? There's no dental insurance for the spouse, there's no dental insurance for the children, there's no insurance for these kids to go to the doctor. They're having to figure this out. And if that veteran isn't able to work because of their of their injuries and they're having to go, they're basically a professional VA patient, well, who's who's working, right? And so so having a system or having having the proper insurance, it doesn't have to be long term. We give in insurance to people that just come over to this country and never done anything for the country and they have medical insurance. And so now we have these families that are sitting here struggling trying to figure it out and having to pay out of pocket or just kind of suck it up buttercup and not deal with it. That's a problem. Um so the other part of that is opening up more alternative therapies to these veteran families, right? So so naturopathic therapy or naturopathic doctors, um, you know, alternative therapies, cryotherapy, hydro uh, you know, uh HBOT therapy, which is um oxygen tank therapy, all these different other alternative means that are out there, none of those are covered by the VA or covered by by insurance. And so they're having to figure it out. Either we're having to raise money and pay for it, or we're having to find grants, or sometimes we're able to get pro bono work from dentists that are willing to look at that veteran's spouse or children. That really needs to change. That's where we look at policy changing or or having bills and legislature that that really affects that change.

Get Involved And Support Veterans

Where To Listen And What Comes Next

SPEAKER_04 50:42

Wow, there's a lot of work to do in there. There's a lot of work on the legislation side, a lot of uh influence needs to be taken. Uh if we have businesses listen to Living Inside Out and Patriot Talk Radio, one of the things you can do is contact your your representatives and put a bug in there. So we'll try to put something out on Living Inside Out that actually has a format for what you could tell your legislature uh that the veterans need. Well, James and I will talk about that, we'll discuss it, and we'll put something out that actually has a very purposeful email so you don't have to create it out of thin air. But if you're listening and want to get involved, then contact me at 713-252-5836, and you're gonna get DeFinFit, which is where I run Living Inside Out out of a uh a facility that teaches uh martial arts, firearms, and functional fitness called DeFinFit in Webster, Texas. And I want to be able to bring uh this to light so that the veterans can get their help they need. We can sponsor veterans, we have scholarships available already, uh, but we need to get this legislature involved. So James is working on that side. Uh he's had the ear of Chip Roy, he's been to Mar-a-Logo, he's actually got some influence with the community in the political realm, and so we want to make sure that we're doing the right thing in the right way at the right time, and so we can't do it without you. So partner with us uh in Living Inside Radio. Contact me and see if you might want to sponsor the show, if you might want to offer a scholarship to a veteran, because we want to make a difference, and we can't make a difference without you, without participation in the pri the political process, and where the rubber meets the road, man, is how we can influence using our positions of leadership in the community, whether it's a little or a lot, we all have a circle of influence. So we want to bring the 7M's and we want to have a final call to action. So we don't just talk about change, we build it from the inside out for our veterans, for our families, and for our future of our nation. So stay strong, stay grounded, and remember, you were created for a purpose, not just for survival. Thank you for joining Living Inside Out Radio and my guest uh James Holland and Set Apart Farms. More to come. James has already agreed. We're going to do a series of these. So you may be hearing James and I talk for another dozen shows. Uh so we got to a lot of work to do ahead. So come back and see us. Uh find us on Spotify, also Saturday at 12 noon on Patriot Talk 9.20 a.m. Faith, family, and freedom. God bless.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Tune in next week for another edition of the Living Inside Out Radio Show.

SPEAKER_05 53:30

Living Inside Out isn't a slogan. It's a mentoring movement. It's about training leaders from the inside out. It needs animation.

SPEAKER_00 55:15

Subscribe to our podcast by searching for the Living Inside Out Radio Show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.