Living Inside Out with John Peek
Welcome to Living Inside Out with John Peek!
Living Inside Out with John Peek
Restoring The Warrior
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
The toughest fight many veterans face is the one nobody sees after they get home. When the uniform comes off, the mission can disappear overnight and what’s left is often identity loss, isolation, and a nervous system still wired for combat. We sit down with Marine veteran James Holland, founder of Set Apart Farms, to name the real struggle behind PTSD, TBI, moral injury, and family breakdown and to map a path from battlefield mode to peace at home.
We dig into the military concept of “commander’s intent” and why veterans feel untethered without clear purpose. Then we connect that to a faith-based recovery framework: learning the mind of Christ, renewing thought patterns daily, and treating spiritual life like training. James shares the practical tactics he uses with families and other veterans, including capturing intrusive thoughts, replacing lies with truth, and breaking the isolation that quietly destroys marriages and relationships with kids.
The most gripping moment is James’s testimony from a hospital-season crisis when he was ready to end his life and heard the words “Remember me,” followed by a billboard revealed at the exact second he needed it. We talk about what suicidal thinking steals from a family, how to recognize God’s voice in the darkest hours, and why restoration has to include the entire household, not just the veteran.
If you love a veteran or you are one, this conversation offers hope, language for what you’re feeling, and a next step toward purpose, mentorship, and lasting freedom. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the help they’ve been missing.
Scriptures And The Real Battle
SPEAKER_01Welcome to the Living Inside Out Radio Show with John Peak.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peake, and I've got a great guest again from back from last week, and that's James Holland, Marine and founder of Set Apart Farms. And we've been talking about the impact that we'd love to have on our veterans and their families, and really families at large, men and women independently as well as families. And so one of the things we were talking about is how do you impact people in a way that maybe they're not getting impacted like they should? Or maybe there's another way to level up. Or some for some it's a brand new way they've never done before. And so our common ground here is our faith in Jesus Christ. And so we were just talking about scripture. And so I'm going to throw three scriptures out and I want you to look them up. I'll give you a little piece of it. But Luke 4 18 and 19, Jesus said that He came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free. Well, I know I need that. And I think every person I've ever met in my whole life needs that. We get broken along the way and it leads to bondage and strongholds. And then we think about, okay, well, you know, where's the power there? Well, Hebrews 4.8, 4.12 says that the word of God is alive and powerful and sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing even to the divisions of soul and spirit and bone and marrow, and is a revealer of the intents of the heart. Well, there you go, man. There's where the power is. And to what degree does that power work, and how do we need to plug into that? Well, Philippians 2.5 says, Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. So you start taking these tools of the Word of God and you start implementing them to the other areas of your life, and you can truly supercharge and transform your life from the inside out. And that's why we call this living inside out. The battle is won and lost in the mind first. 2 Corinthians 10 5 tells us, and this verse tells us exactly whose mindset we are to have and adopt. So today's episode is about restoring the warrior from battlefield to purpose. Our guest today, James Holland, he's also in alignment with the Faith, Family, and Freedom through the 7Ms. He's a veteran, he's a mentor, he's started set apart farms, so he's putting his his time and treasure and talent where his where his mouth is. He's not just talking about it, he's doing it. He's already living inside out, and he didn't even know that term yet. So thank you for uh for being here today, James.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah, thanks for having me once again. It's an honor. Uh, and I appreciate you creating this space uh for these kind of conversations because too many of us uh you know are still fighting that invisible war long after we've taken off the uniform uh in this topic that is uh personal for me, uh, you know, and it's obviously it's urgent for a lot of families out there. And so I I I appreciate you for for doing this. And um yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_03Man, you're welcome. It's um it's a real blessing and privilege. Eve there's even testimony of how this this show came about. Um, but here's the essence of it Living Inside Out is about where we build men and families from the inside out, faith, family, freedom. And today's episode is the one that hits deep. We're talking about restoring warriors, men who were trained for battle but never trained for peace. And so having get James on the show and set up our farms, you know, we're working directly with the veterans and their families, not just the individual, but the whole unit. So welcome to the show. James, let's start here. What
Why Veterans Feel Lost At Home
SPEAKER_03are you seeing right now with veterans returning home and what's the real struggle?
SPEAKER_04Uh the real well, so the real struggle isn't just like uh flashbacks or nightmares, you know, the Hollywood, even though those things are real. Um the real struggle that we're seeing is uh identity loss and uh just a lack of purpose. Um you spend years, sometimes even decades for some being told that you're a warrior, part of something bigger than yourself. Uh, you know, your mission's clear, you guys you have a commander's intent, your brotherhood's tight, your value is measured by how well you execute under fire, and then one day you're out, right? The uniform comes off, and suddenly you're supposed to be uh normal for a lack of better words. But no one trains you how to fit at a dinner table without standing for actions or uh how to how to become emotionally present with your wife and kids uh when your nervous system is still wired for combat and you're kind of stuck in fight or fight mode. So uh what I see after working with FAF is kind of the perfect storm, just unresolved trauma, whether it's TP TVI, PTSD, moral injury. Um we see that VA systems often often can't fully address this in in any kind of reasonable time. Uh we see a family breakdown, uh because you know, when dad is emotionally shut down, uh or mom's hypervigilant or self-medicating, those those uh the whole house feels it, right? Marriages start to erode, kids act out or they withdraw. Uh we also see isolation. Uh that's the very thing that keeps that that's one of the things that kept us alive in combat was compartmentalizing, sucking it up kind of thing, and that now becomes the poison at home, right? Guys sit in their garages, they scroll on their phones, they're disconnected from their families and um you know, from any sense of purpose. So that's kind of what we're seeing.
SPEAKER_03That sounds very familiar in the civilian world too. And people just deal with it in different ways. But certainly coming from the uh let's talk about some acronyms. So TBI that's traumatic brain injury. Uh some of the non-military people are like, what's he talking about? You know, these acronyms. So it's easy to throw those out there. And some people just don't know. So TBI is traumatic brain injury. A lot of our soldiers come back. James himself has a testimony about having to exit uh the Marines so we could deal with that because of that. And then the SAF, that's a set-apart farms, that's James's, and just like I have LIO Living Inside Out Radio, just so you don't miss that. Now, you mentioned a word, man, that's super powerful, and that is commander's intent. Man, when I think about the word of God, just like a commander, he's our commander in chief for Sir, Jesus Christ and the Word of God, the Holy Spirit living in us is our commander, and he get does have intent. We have all these tools, we have these scriptures, you know. But tell a little bit about what it means, what does that phrase mean from a military perspective when you say commander's intent?
Commander's Intent And God's Mission
SPEAKER_03Because this really lit me up.
SPEAKER_04What makes the American military so good is is uh decentralized command, right? So you you give so much um responsibility down to the lowest marine or soldier, airman, sailor, and uh what they have is commander's intent. So your commander has an intent for the mission. So what that allows you to do is it allows you to take multiple uh routes as long as you meet the commander's intent. So it's not a complete micromanaging of this is exactly what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. It allows a little bit of freedom of movement. Right? And and that's what makes us so spectacular as a military fighting force. Is is having that commander's intent is knowing, okay, here's here's my commander's intent, here's what he expects. Now I have to make that happen. So how am I going to do that with the resources that are available to me? Um and I think that's what a lot of military people, once they leave the military, they kind of feel like they've lost they they have no commander's intent now, right? And that's that's where that whole uh lack of purpose and and identity come in, is is they feel like, okay, well, there's no longer a commander's intent, which is so incorrect, right? Like you said, there is a commander um and and one that does not fail and and shall not lie and shall not never let you down. Uh and he does have an intent. Uh we just have to kind of help him find that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's such a powerful word. I'm gonna adopt that and own that commander's intent because what I believe the Living Inside Out Seven M's cover is the big picture of what the commander's intent is, right? Ministry, marriage, media, martial arts, must muscle, and money. So when you take those seven M's and you start placing the commander's intent inside a structure, now we have like an ecosystem that we can live from. And so when I think about the scripture that goes along with that and the blockage that comes, Ephesians 6.12 comes to mind right away. And it says, For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against spiritual hosts of wickedness. And so what happens is, man, we go through life and experience all kinds of trauma and brokenness, whether it's you know military version of TBI or it's somebody that just decided not to be our friend anymore, it causes brokenness and resentment and something. And many times you hang on to these strongholds and they start stacking up on you. And so if you have a commander's intent and you start with your faith, the ministry, the M for ministry means your bigger picture of salvation. But God's word says that my people, my people, so believers, perish for a lack of understanding. So having the structure and ecosystem of the seven M's gives you a way to perceive and and process and intentionally be uh stepping through these categories a little bit every day. And
When The Mission Ends
SPEAKER_03so when I think about some some questions that I have for James today, what happens, James, when a warrior loses his mission?
SPEAKER_04Well, he starts dying inside, right?
SPEAKER_03Just lost, right? He's just wandering around. Uh I have a dog that I adopted that was dropped off in a neighborhood and just about.
SPEAKER_04Sorry, I had a little technical difficulty. Um, so um I I feel like because I'm I'm I'm speaking out of my own experience here. It starts you kind of feel like you're dying inside, right? So a man without a mission becomes restless, purposeless, and dangerous to himself and those around him. That's why we see so many veterans self-destruction. Not because they're weak, not because they're broken, um, but because they were built for war. And suddenly they have no battlefield, right? So so they think. Um and the answer is. Oh, yeah, 100%. I mean, you you you said it, you know, you hit it with Ephesians 6.12. There still is a battlefield. And so the answer isn't to be stuck in the past, right? It's not to f it it's to find a new mission, all right? One that's eternal. That mission became my family and serving other veterans. Um, you know, God took my pain and repurposed it. Uh every veteran still has a fight in them. The key is just direct redirecting it toward what lasts, right? Faith, family, freedom. That's why we try to redire uh redirect these families with purpose, responsibility, brotherhood again, you know, uh, but this time it's anchored in Christ.
SPEAKER_03A lot of times when our listeners and people that I'm talking to personally, they hear a Christian perspective and you start talking about what you know to be true through your experience, through the word of God, through your education. Immediately I see many people like kind of switch off. Sometimes I'm just reading their body language, they're like, oh, here he goes. You know, sometimes people actually say, so I had a young man come to me at DefendFit, and he's uh standing across the other side of the counter. He just walked in, I've never met him, and he tells me he wants to learn how to protect himself, and he's uh and so I start asking questions. He says, Well, to be honest with you, you know, I got in some trouble, and so in 30 days I have a sentencing coming up and I'm likely going to prison. I say, Oh wow, you definitely need to learn some self-defense for sure. And you look like you already have some skills. He goes, Well, you know, I can wing it, but I I need some professional skills, you know, some real skills. I said, 30 days, not very long. I said, but you know, we can certainly help you. But I think the number one self-defense you need to have is spiritual self-defense. He goes, Oh, you know, I'm really not into all that. I go, Oh, I I don't believe that. I mean, that's probably why you're where you are now. Because you didn't have that in perspective. And I said, I'm not judging you, I'm just like, I've been where you are. I've gotten in all kinds of trouble. I had trouble with the law. You have to make a shift in your understanding and your thinking, man. And it starts with spiritual self-defense, then mental, emotional self-defense, and then the physical ass self-defense, and you put those three together, and now you're a walking warrior ready for battle. So right now you're just coming in deficient in your mind, your self-defense, physical self-defense. But the bigger picture is your identity. So, James, what replaces identity when the uniform comes off?
SPEAKER_04So uh that's a great question. Uh, most try to replace it with like work, success, hobbies, uh sometimes even darker things. Uh and none of that ever really fills the hole, to be honest. Um your true identity was never marine, soldier, airman, sailor, or even warrior warrior. Those were roles, right? Having to understand the difference. Uh your true identity is who God says you are, right? The son of the Most High King, redeemed, called, and set apart for good works. And uh, you know, when a when a man roots his identity, or when a family roots their identity in Christ instead of their service for the past, everything starts to change. Right? They stop performing for validation, that's a big step. Um the man starts leaving his home with humility and strength. Uh they can then find rest because it's it's worth it's worth that isn't earned by performance anymore, right? It's already secured on the cross. So that's the shift that we see in families uh that that we work with. The uniform comes off and fulfilling their purpose goes on.
SPEAKER_03I love that, and I understand it now on the other side of being walking with Christ for so many years. But when I was a new believer, it was very difficult to see that. And so that brings up my next question. Why do families often become the battlefield instead of the refuge? You mentioned peace. They can't when they're taking in all this knowledge and understanding, they find peace and understanding. But what do they find when they're coming home unprepared and don't have the seven M's, don't have a an understanding of the bigger picture? Why do families often become the battlefield instead of the refuge?
SPEAKER_04I think that's because uh the enemy knows if he can fracture the family, he can take out the man and the next generation. In a nation. You know, yeah, in a nation, right. Communities, states, nation, right. And when I was struggling, my anger and withdrawal uh turned my home into a combat zone sometimes. Right? Angela and the kids were walking on eggshells. Um, and that's exactly what the devil wants, right? To turn the people who should be the greatest support into your casualties. And but but God designed the family as a refuge, right? A training ground and and a launch point for mission. And you know, instead of our farms, we fight for the whole unit, the whole family unit. Uh that's why we you know we we do everything we can to help couples rebuild trust, have fathers reconnect with their kids, and families learn to to pray and fight spiritually together. Uh when the family heals, the warrior finally has a safe place to land and and a reason to keep standing.
SPEAKER_03You don't have an identity in Christ, you have confusion. Spouses are carrying trauma too, they need help. No guidance for reintegration, that means you didn't have any mentoring. You're numbing your sta yourself instead of healing, a lot of times that comes through media. If somebody's training in martial arts, many times you can have skill without spiritual control. And then the physical strength but internal weakness often comes through you see that in the gym rat, right? He spends a lot of time in the gym. Physically strong, but internally he's still weak. And then um the instability post-service that uh a lack of finances and support uh comes from. So
Sponsor Messages
SPEAKER_03we're gonna have to go to a commercial, and uh you've been listening to James Holland and uh his perspective from a Marine and how he's reaching out to veterans who set apart farms, SAF. And we'll be right back with more from Living Inside Out Radio. Don't go away with it. Stay with us.
SPEAKER_01Are you ready to get stronger and safer at Defend Fit Self-Defense and Fitness? It's more than just a workout, it's real world protection and total body strength. Imagine a 60-minute high-energy class that blends 80% functional fitness, strength, endurance, agility, with 20% real self-defense skills from Crop Magab. You'll torch calories, build muscle, and gain the confidence to defend yourself in real life. Whether you're joining our ladies-only sessions or grabbing a spot in our co-ed class, you'll learn how to move, protect yourself, and stay ready for anything life throws your way. No experience needed, just determination. Come train with top instructors who help you become faster, fitter, and more confident in every situation. Defend fit, where fitness meets life-saving self-defense. Visit Israeliselfdefense.net or call 713-252-5836. That's 713-252-5836. And request more information today. Defend Fit. Be strong. Be ready.
SPEAKER_02Hello, my name's Greg Brainerd, owner of BrainTech, and here's another Brain Tech Tech Tip, one of the simplest and most powerful ways to protect your company. Turn on multi-factor authentication for Microsoft 365. Here's why it matters. Most cyber attacks start with stolen or guest passwords. Employees often reuse passwords. Attackers send convincing phishing emails, and before you know it, someone's inside your email, your files, or the entire network. But multi-factor authentication stops that. Even if someone gets your password, they still need this second layer of approval from your phone. It's easy to set up. Log into Microsoft 365 admin portal, click on Active Users, Multifactor Authentication, turn it on for your whole team, and then walk them through the preferred method of setup. It just takes a few minutes and the protection is tremendous. If you'd like Braintech to help you with your Microsoft 365 accounts, give us a call at 281-367-8253 or visit our website at Braintech.com. Braintech making IT easy for your business.
SPEAKER_00We have everything from full auto war relics to modern-day pistols. Our train staff and certified instructors will make your occasions safe and memorable. Go to AegisArms.com. That is AGISARMS.com. AegisArms Indoor Gun Range is a safe place to fire your firearms for practice, relaxation, and for personal enjoyment. We are perfect for all levels of gun enthusiasts. Whether you attend one of our educational firearm classes, utilize our range training, need an LTC class, need help with an FSL transfer, or want to use our on-site gunsmith to adjust your firearms. Our trained and friendly staff are here to help. Come by Aegis Arms located at 3915 South and Houston Parkway East in Houston to check us out, sign up for classes, meet people that share the same interest, or just schedule your next gathering. Be sure to ask about our membership opportunities. You can also call us at 713-503-7645 and visit agentarms.com. That's A-G-I-S-A-R-M-S.com.
Retraining The Warrior Mind
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm here with my host, James Holland, and we're talking about restoring warriors. And in some form or another, many of us are warriors in our life, we're battling. But we're also talking specifically about veterans. So if you're listening right now and you're a veteran or you love one, you need to understand this. You're not broken, but you are in a battle. And the weapons you've used before, they're not the same ones you need to win this fight. You need some additional tools. And so we're here to help. Set apart farms, SAF, and Living Inside Out, L I O. We're here to give you the tools you need. So we're switching to an internal battle, and this is the mind of Christ versus the war within. So welcome back, James. We're talking about restoring warriors. And James, I want to shift to this internal battle because what we're really talking about is the war of the mind. And so Romans 7 23 says this very thing. It says, I see another law in my members warring against the law in my mind. So a lot of times in Christian speak, we talk about living in the flesh. That means just doing what I want to do, no rules, I do what I feel. If it feels good, do it. No, we have the law of the Word of God that also can help to restore our mind. And if we're working with integrity, then we can have a much higher level of thinking and doing. So we need to be first, do the la second, and so that we can have what God's promised to us. So here's a key teaching moment. So a lot of these men were trained to react, to survive, to dominate threats, but now those same instincts are turning inward or against their families. So how do you retrain the mind of a warrior? Well, Philippians 2 5, we covered it early on. Let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus. So, James, how do you begin shifting a veteran from a survival mindset on the battlefield to the mind of Christ? That's a big leap.
SPEAKER_04It is, but you you just you retrain it the same way you train for combat, right? It's through daily intentional discipline. And um, you know, but this time the battlefield's your own mind, a lot of the times, right? And and the weapon is the word of God. You you brought up Romans 7, I lived Roman 7. Uh there was a civil war going on inside of me. Uh on one hand, I knew the truth, I was home, I was safe, I had a family that loved me, but on the other hand, you know, you know, it was it was still kind of I was still in fluorine province sometimes. Uh standing for threats, carrying guilt, uh replaying decisions that I couldn't change. And uh that law warring against my mind, I was winning most of the day. Uh the Marine Corps trained me to react instantly to danger. Uh that's what kept me alive. But that same wiring made me explosive and un emotionally unavailable, uh somewhat suspicious to everyone around me. Um I had to learn that survival mode is not the same as sanctification mode. And um, so you know the way we kind of go about it with with set of parts forms, we retrain the warrior's mind. Capture every thought. That's one thing that I try to express to them. Uh 2 Corinthians 10 uh 5 says that uh we take every every thought capture and make it obedient. To Christ. And that's not a suggestion. It's a spiritual hand-to-hand combat tactic. When the intrusive memory hits or the angel flares, you have to stop. You gotta name it, and you have to replace it with truth. It's exhausting at first, but uh it gets stronger with repetition, just like muscle memory. Another thing is just remove renewing your mind daily. Uh Romans 12.2 is the key, right? You don't just manage the PTSD, you replace the old operating system. We start every morning on, you know, uh with scripture and prayer. No phones, no distractions, just the word going into the mind before the world gets in. And that's very, very important. Um kind of how you put on uh the mind of Christ, right? 1 Corinthians 2 16. Um another thing, replace isolation, right? With with replace it with great communication, for one, with your spouse and you know, even a close circle of brothers. Uh words weren't meant to fight alone. Uh the enemy loves isolation because it it it leaves you very vulnerable. Uh and that's what we pushed hard on is open, honest communication, especially starting with your spouse, learning to say what's really going on instead of just shutting down or exploding. Uh, but at the same time, you know, every everyone needs, you know, men and women, they need that small trusted group of brothers or sisters who will hold you accountable, right? A tight circle that you can speak with honestly without any kind of shame. We say it often, iron shop is iron. Um, you know, so when when a brother or sister is spiraling out, the rest of us need to really speak in truth, uh, speak truth in love, and and pray them back up. That's that's real accountability in brotherhood or sisterhood. Um I'd say the last thing is just discover and execute the purpose that God has for you, which is a huge step that we all constantly bring up, is finding your purpose. A warrior's mind stays restless until it has a mission. The Marine Corps gave me a mission, and when that ended, I had I had to find the one that God had prepared for me all along. It took me down a long, a long road. But um, like I said, uh Ephesians 2 10 says we're we're created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should talk or that we should walk in them. And uh that purpose, look, it's different with each family that we that we deal with. It's not a generalized umbrella. Um that purpose might be leading your family, it could be mentoring other veterans, serving your church, the community, building a business with integrity, or whatever God has placed in your heart. But the key is discovering it and executing on it daily, right? And so when when a man locks in on God's purpose for his life, the old battle it it really does lose their power because uh you know he's now fighting for something that's eternal.
SPEAKER_03That's good. I like it. Being able to share a truth with uh your your veterans and your experience and your testimony, which we're gonna get to here today, how you got from being the Marine that didn't believe, wasn't following the Lord, was out there, you know, putting your life literally on the line, to being becoming the man you are now. That there's a great story and a great testimony behind that. And this idea of sharing love. Love without the truth is a lie. But love needs to have a temperance, right? So you need to have this idea of managing how we can bring the truth without being so brutal, right?
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03So you don't remove the warrior. We still have a warrior within us, and God wants us to be men. He wants the man to be who he God designed him to be, and part of that is being a warrior and managing the mind, so spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. So you just simply redeploying them, that's what I'm hearing. So the discipline now becomes self-control, awareness becomes discernment, and strength becomes protection, not destruction. So I'd like to go deeper here, man. This is very
Remember Me And A Life Saved
SPEAKER_03important for our audience. Would you like to share your testimony of the moment when God spoke to you and stopped you from making a terrible decision? What was happening? What did you feel? How did you know it was God? And how did that moment change your direction?
SPEAKER_04So so a little back, you know, just to dig in a little, I was um this all happened. I was laid up in a hospital uh in in Vancouver, Washington. He had done a surgery on me and they had botched the surgery, so I was laid up um with basically half my body paralyzed. So I I was a lot was going on in my mind, obviously. Um at the time, me and my wife weren't in a in a a great relationship, everything wasn't wasn't very good. And uh and now all of a sudden here I was laid up. She was my full-time caregiver. And uh and you know, as a child I'd come up in your typical around Houston, your typical kind of Southern Baptist uh church, but I had a very weak foundation in in in the word. Um I kind of had a had a a perverted doctrine that had been spoken to me that that I didn't have a complete understanding. So, you know, you hear the term often that uh there's no such thing as an atheist in a fighting hole. Uh well I became an atheist in a fighting hole. So, you know, 04 in in Falouja Iraq, uh I was in my mind while I was seeing good things happen to bad people, you know, good things happening to bad people and bad things happening to good people. And so I kind of felt this feeling of like we're on our own here, right? I I never really completely stopped believing in God, but I just believed us as a human race have messed it up so bad he's he's moved on. And so we're kind of on our own. Um, and I mean I can tell you the day was July 2nd, 2004. Um, that I said, you know, we're on our own, so it's all up to me now. And I stopped putting uh all my faith and hope in Christ. And um you fast forward thirteen years almost to the week. So the week before that, before July 2nd, 13 years later, I found myself laid up in a hospital bed, half paralyzed, wondering how did I do all these multiple combat deployments and come back with all my extremities just to be laid up and you know and and can't can't move, I can't do barely anything, couldn't dress myself, couldn't shower. So so we were on a facility there at CA, like I said, in Vancouver, and just we're not going well. I was the breadwinner. All of a sudden, I'm not able to work. Like I said, Angela became my full-time caregiver. She was having to take me anywhere between 11 to 13 appointments a week, plus taking care of our two-year-old daughter, so she couldn't go to work. I couldn't drive the vehicle, I couldn't shower. So so our world was turned upside down. And God bless her, she didn't just walk out, right? She had every every at that point to say, I didn't sign up for this, I'm done. Um, but she stuck it out. And uh while we were there, we had ended up in an argument one day, and I was like, I'm done. Like I'm I'm out of here. I I took ease and I I got in the truck and I left, and I should not have been driving. Like at the time, my head, I couldn't look left, right, or up and down, and my right arm did not work. It was just kind of a chunk of meat that just hung there. So I should not have been driving, but I was done, I was ready to check out. So I left, and uh I was driving down, you know, there's there's two there's a highway on both sides of the Columbia River there, uh on the border of Oregon and Washington. I was on the Washington side, I was driving down it forever, it seems like. And um, I was looking for a place to turn off. I just needed to stop and think. And uh so I finally found a place, and I remember going along that that route was gorgeous, gorgeous, you know, um, beautiful river. There was a there's there's beautiful trees up along the side, you know, uh that you're down, and there happened to be a train that was traveling through there as well. There's a train track that travels that that path. And so I was kind of moving along with the train and I finally found a place to turn around. So I pulled the truck over there, and uh, and I remember thinking that I'm you know, I was the problem, I was the burden, like I was the reason that my family's falling apart and and we're not getting along enough, and I'm causing all this grief on my wife and my child, and and um I don't want to be here anymore, right? So I'm ready to check out. Um so I figured, okay, well, this is about the best place to do it. It looks like I'm literally parked in a country song right now. I got a train, I got beautiful trees, I got a river. I think I even saw a go a bald eagle. I was like, yeah, all I needed, all the thing that was missing was my dog. So I figured, well, let me end it. Here, I'm done. Um so but I remember thinking, like, uh, you know, all this was happening, savings dwindled quick and in a hurry. And we had bills, we had to eat, we had all these things, so we had to start selling everything. Everything. I mean, down to clothing, furniture, my wife's vehicle, um, anything and everything we could sell, we sold. So we were down to, you know, a couple of suitcases of and uh one truck, you know, one vehicle. So so I remember thinking in that moment, because I did I had a pistol, and I remember thinking, and I can't do this in the truck because this is the only vehicle that they have. You know, Angie's gonna need a vehicle, so like I can't ruin the vehicle. Um so I remember rolling the window down and I was gonna lean out the window and and gonna do it that way. And I remember, you know, looking at myself in the mirror the mirror there. And uh I was like, Alright, this is it, I'm done. You know, I gave it my best shot. And uh I was getting ready to do it, and I heard in my right ear, in the right side, like in the truck, I I heard these words, I heard remember me. And I heard it so clearly that I thought the radio was on. And I remember thinking, it's kind of twisted, but I remember thinking, Oh, I don't want to die to a song, you know, I don't want the radio on because what if the song comes on that I hate and that's what I gotta die to? Like, what if Taylor Swift comes on the radio or something? And I'm like, So I remember thinking, let me turn the radio off. So I reached over to turn the radio off, it was already off. And the chill that I got in my body at the time, it is like that gut feeling where you're you're almost because I thought somebody was in the backseat of my truck. I thought somebody was in the truck in the backseat. And uh, you know, is Vancouver, Washington, not the greatest place to you know, having somebody in your backseat of your truck might not be, you know, that rare. So I remember looking around in the backseat of the truck to see, you know, who was in who said that. And uh there was nobody there. So I remember thinking, okay, well that's great. Even more the reason to do this, because now I'm going crazy. So I don't want to be, you know, my body in the condition that it's in and be a burden on my family and now going crazy. Um, I'm gonna check out, right? I've convinced myself or the enemy had convinced me that I was the problem. So I go back to leaning out the window and looking in the mirror and and and the tool. And as I'm looking through the mirror, you can see behind me, behind the where the truck was parked, you can see the train still going through the woods there. And it finally finished, like the last film had gone by. And when the last train had gone by, there was a billboard. You couldn't see the billboard when the train was there. And and it was traveling with the train. I never saw the billboard until that moment where I'm looking in the mirror. And it was a silhouette of visas, and it only had the words remember me. And so I still get chill bumps when I so when I was now. Um so I remember thinking, okay, you know, like I'm I'm I'm I'm pretty dumb, but I ain't that dumb. Like, I need to pay attention to this.
SPEAKER_03And I immediately heard Jim, you heard the audible voice that wasn't the radio, there's nobody in the backseat, and you heard the words remember me. And when you go to complete your mission of ending it, you're done. And you see in the mirror of the mirror the billboard that was blocked by the train, and when it reveals itself, it's a silhouette of Jesus with the words remember me.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, I turn those billboards around the country. There's a group that puts those out. And now these it's like an audible manifestation of God, and now you have months ahead of time, at least weeks ahead of time, a billboard was put up for just that moment. That is wow. I got chillbumps.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, yeah, like I still I still chill bumps to this day thinking about it. And I I immediately had this overwhelming feeling of guilt that just came over my entire bottom. Well, let me hold you right there.
SPEAKER_03Let me hold
Sponsor Messages
SPEAKER_03you right there, Jim. I want to have the impact of that coming back from the start of our next segment. So, ooh, man, that's some heavy stuff. So we listen, we'll be right back. We're gonna finish up Jim's testimony, and I want you to hear the impact of how this changed changed the course of many people's lives. We'll be right back with more from Living Inside Out Radio and NFR Farm with James Collins. Don't go away.
SPEAKER_01Life doesn't wait for perfect timing, and danger doesn't announce itself. That's why at DefendFit Self-Defense and Fitness, we train you with real techniques for real situations. From crowdmagada to knife defense, from stick fighting to firearms awareness, our system is built on real-world defense, not rules or forms. Our DefendFit classes combine intense functional fitness with practical self-defense so you get stronger and safer all in one section. Whether you want to protect yourself, your loved ones, or your community, we've got you covered. Beginners welcome. All fitness levels invited. This is empowerment you feel on the street and in your life. Visit Israeliselfdefense.net or call 713-252-5836. That's 713-252-5836 now. Defend fit, where your confidence becomes your strongest defense.
SPEAKER_02Hello, my name is Greg Brainerd, owner of Brain Tech, and now another Brain Tech Tech Tip. You sit down at your desk, power on your laptop, and then you wait. You've got time to grab coffee, check your phone, maybe read the news, all while your laptop slowly crawls to live, loading program after program that you didn't even ask for. Sound familiar? Here's the fix. Clean up your startup items. Take control back by pressing Control Shift Escape on your keyboard to open the task manager, click on the startup tab, and then you'll see everything that launches when your computer starts up. Right-click and disable anything that you don't need immediately at startup. Spotify, Adobe updaters, messaging apps. You can always open them up later. Don't worry, you're not uninstalling anything. You're just telling the system to wait until you ask for it. A little cleanup can turn five-minute boot time into 30 seconds. If you'd like BrainTech to tune up your computers, give us a call at 281-367-8253. Or visit our website, BrainTech.com. BrainTech makes IT easy for your business. Hello, my name is Greg Brainerd, owner of Brain Tech, and now another BrainTech Tech tip. You get an urgent email from Microsoft saying your account will be suspended or a message from the bank asking you to verify a transaction. Or maybe it's your CEO asking you to buy gift cards immediately. Stop, don't click that link. Fishing emails are designed to trick you into acting fast without thinking. They look legit. They often contain real logos and professional language and urgent deadlines. But one wrong click, you can hand over your password, install malware, or give criminals access to your entire network. Here's how to protect yourself. Just hover your mouse over the link. Look at that web address. Does it actually match the real company? If not, it's probably not legit. Second, watch for pressure tactics. Legitimate companies don't often threaten to close your account within 24 hours. And third, when I'm down, ask your IT professional. Remember, criminals only need you to flip up once, and it takes five seconds to verify before you click that link. If you'd like Brain Tech to help you spot 15 attacks, give it a call at 281 36782535. This is our website, braintech.com. Brain tech makes it five easy for your Facebook.
SPEAKER_003953, 76, 4, 5, 5, 4, 5, 6, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 10, 6, 6, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 8, 6, 10, 8, I S A R M S'Ap.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back
Hearing God In The Dark
SPEAKER_03to Living In Side Out Radio. I've got my guest, James Holland here with Set of Art Farms. And James has been talking on the second segment. He was telling us about his testimony about what happened to him when he was ready to check out, physically depart from this war earth. And it just reached such a desperate point. And then he as he felt out this mission of terminating himself, Lord came and spoke to him. He was ready to put the gun to his head. Putting the gun to his head, he hears an audible voice, remember me. It's not on the radio. He checked, nobody in the backseat, and then he looks through the mirror as he tries to do this, complete this, and he sees a billboard that had been blocked by a train, and it has a silhouette of Jesus with the words, Remember me. Such a powerful, powerful, powerful intervention, I want to call that. That's really a miracle of God to come and intervene in a life. And I know he appeats attention to the details of our lives, down to the smallest little thing. He the word says that even the hairs on your hair that are numbered, that's how well God knows you. So thanks for being here, James, and thanks for sharing your testimony. Can I ask you a couple questions?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03So what would have happened if you ignored that voice?
SPEAKER_04Uh I mean, the enemy would have won, right? I w I wouldn't hear right now. My family would be hurting far worse than anything I could have ever done. Um you know, I often make the comment uh I say that suicide's the greatest thing I never did.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And you know, that that's that's that's and then we've seen it with families, we've dealt with families where maybe the the this reached out to us post suicide. Right. So they didn't reach out to us prior to that coming point. It was kind of the the the put themselves out of the family unit and then contacted us and man, let me tell you, um, I looked I think suicide in a completely different aspect uh when you start seeing the family and the kids falling apart and them crying at night, uh wanting their father there. Um it it it showed me what I almost did. And uh that's kind of one of our missions is to try to get that across to these families and to these warriors that uh you're not the burden, trust me. The devil's just making you think that.
SPEAKER_03Wow, that just answered the second question. How do you help other men recognize that same voice today? So you sharing that testimony of your personal experience of not doing it, the best thing about suicide is what you didn't do. Say that again. How do you put that?
SPEAKER_04The greatest thing I never it's committing suicide is the greatest thing I never did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, wow. You if you're today, let that sink in a little bit. So is God still speaking to warriors in their darkest moment, James?
SPEAKER_04Oh, for sure. Yes. Yeah, God's speaking to them in their darkest moments. Um louder than louder than the explosions, louder than the shame, louder than the gunfire, um, and even louder than the lies. Um, I know because you know, he he spoke to me when I was at my absolute bottom. And uh when I thought suicide looked like the only way out, uh, when I felt completely abandoned and worthless, uh I I heard his voice cut through the darkness. Remember me. And uh I mean he's still doing it today. In the in those moments, you know, whether it's waking up from nightmares, flashbacks, or whatever, the fight with your wife, the the the feel like a failure as a parent. God's not silent. He speaks through his for one, he speaks to his word, right? So you need to open it, even when you don't feel like it. Um even you know, speaks through that that quietness in your spirit. Um, maybe even a brother or sister that's calling to check in on you at just at the right time. Um, your wife's tears, a child's hug. There's so many different ways. And the enemy wants you to believe that you're just too far gone, right? But God does say the opposite of that. I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13, 5. That's something you have to remember. Um, to every warrior listening right now, um, who's in a dark place. I mean, he's speaking to you, even in this moment, right now, maybe even through us. So you have to stop. You have to get quiet, open your Bible, and and just for that, for listen for that same voice that called me back to life. Remember me. He hasn't forgotten you, he's right there with you in this fight.
SPEAKER_03That's the difference right there, James. Two voices, two paths, two outcomes. And most men were never taught how to tell the difference. So John 10 10 says this the thief does not come except to steal and to kill and to destroy, but that the Lord has come that we might have life and have it more abundantly, spiritual abundance. So this next section here, we need to like transform, right? We need to redeploy the warrior, you know, purpose, family, and legacy, and give them a reason to live. Have have this understanding that there is a bigger plan at play here, and God has a plan for your life. So, welcome back, James. And we've talked about the battle, the mind, and the turning point. Now let's talk about the mission. Second Corinthians 10 4 says for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God. So, you know, so many people throw out, especially in the Christian environment, they throw out scripture and when you're a new believer, it's almost like you can just kind of discount the words. It's just a book, you know, it's just words. But they don't realize, man, that the word is alive and powerful. Many times I heard I've heard scripture, whether it's in a sermon or I'm reading, and I just kind of go past it. It goes in one ear, out the other. Maybe I wasn't focused. Maybe I was listening well. It just didn't hit me that day, you know. And then all of a sudden I can hear those same words, and it's like a punch in the gut. It's like, oh my gosh, does her know what I'm going through? Because those words really speak to me. I've even had that happen where somebody close to me said, Did you tell the pastor what I'm going through? Because you know, you invite me to church and now he's talking about me. I go, man, I didn't say anything. I promise you, that's how the Holy Spirit works, man. I say you're getting a glimpse of the power of God. And so he's trying to reach you for a reason. So don't ignore that. So let's ask this question. What happens, James, when a veteran finds purpose again? Not just individually, but as a husband, a father, and even more importantly, as a child of God.
SPEAKER_04Well, it's so for one, it it's not even just the man who changes, right? Whenever they do that, it's the whole family. Begins to heal and move forward together. I don't believe you can simply just heal the veteran and and it automatically follows, right? It kind of takes a holistic approach. Everyone in the home has to be a part of the restoration. When a veteran starts discovering his God-given purpose, it's powerful. All right. It's a real transformation starts to happen with when um when life also discovers first. And and the two of them learn how their individual purposes fit together as a couple. Um, that's when unity and direction really come alive. You know, of I mean what's that look like? Like the veteran moves from um you know, kind of feeling like, okay, I'm broken and useless, to uh God has a mission for my life, right? He begins leading with confidence instead of just kind of surviving. The wife gets to rediscover her own purpose, not just as a supporter or caretaker, but as a woman with calling and gifts and strength. You know, she stops operating in fear and exhaustion and starts walking in her own identity in Christ. And then as a couple, they begin to align their purposes and they ask questions, you know, like, uh what did God create for us, you know, in this season? And then suddenly they're not just coexisting, they're co-laboring, right? They pray together and they make decisions together, and and they for that same vision, the marriage stops feeling like two people trying to survive, and it becomes a team with uh with the direction, and then you got the kids, the children feel the difference immediately. You know, they see a dad who's who's present, purposeful, and a mom who's no longer carrying uh everything along. Um the home becomes a place of peace and and training and for attention. And then kids start to see what it looks like when mom and dad walk with God together. Um you know, Angela and I uh had to walk through through this ourselves. It wasn't just me finding purpose, she had to rediscover hers too. And then um, you know, we had to figure out uh how they fit together and and that strengthened our marriage and gave uh gave a strong foundation, and uh and when the whole family steps into the purpose together, that's when real long-lasting restoration happens. That's what we've seen.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it does. That's a beautiful thing. Just as you suffer together, healing together. So it it to balance, isn't it?
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. Angela says she she uses that term a lot. She says, you know, the the family has suffered together, they must heal together. And that's that's there's no truth in that.
SPEAKER_03That's right. So ministry, that brings your identity in Christ. Marriage, you're healing together. Mentoring, you're passing it on to your children and your generations, and everybody that's in your circle of influence. Media, you mentioned taking not having uh TVs and homes that you're bringing these veterans to heal in, so you're guarding the mind. And I always like to put in the martial arts and muscle because I've seen what a transformation you can have when men especially understand their calling to be the guardian, the protector of of the family, of their life, of their country, and certainly guarding their mind. So controlled strength is where the martial arts comes in and muscle, physical and mental resilience, so that we can have resilience, we can have longevity. We're not uh you know, when you think about the the muscle of building your body, it also improves your sleep, it improves your nutrition, you have an understanding of the physiology and biomechanics, and that pays big dividends. Even if you just go on vacation, you want to try something new, you have the structural strength and and if training right, even the coordination and endurance, man, to pick up something new. And then money stability and provision. So you you talk a lot about what the difference is now when this happens when families heal together. What
Mentors Brotherhood And Next Steps
SPEAKER_03about this idea of you know having a veteran a mentor? Does that do they do they like having a mentor when you talk to these veterans? You know, are they coming in like with an open heart or are they coming like begrudgingly? Uh and maybe it's all over the map. But tell me a little bit about that interaction with uh the veterans having a mentor.
SPEAKER_04Sometimes, you know, and and you know, like you had said earlier, you kind of touched on it where you know you give scripture and somebody sees it as just words. Well words mean things. And so um our process is very, you know, even even the vetting or our um introduction process is trying to learn how these families where they're at and what their thought process is. So sometimes maybe even using the word mentor isn't isn't, you know, because they're kind of like I've I've had been down this road before. The VA gave me a mentor, or you know, I don't need a mentor, I don't need to be held by the hand. So sometimes, you know, we use utilizing the word mentor works either way. It's still no matter what we call it, a guide, a a you know, a brother, it doesn't matter, it still ends up being a mentor. And with these veterans having a mentor, it it helps families. For one, it's it's you know, it's fewer broken marriages from what we've seen, it's fewer suicides, um, it's more men standing strong. A mentor, you know, really strengthens the learning curve and calls out your lies and uh and kind of walk with you through the hard days. You know, no one and and no should have to fight alone. You need somebody in your in um, you know, a a fire. Even even a sniper, look at a military sniper, they're not on their own, right? They have a spotter, they have a partner, and that's how this has to work. Um yeah, that's kind of how we see it.
SPEAKER_03That's awesome. I love that. It's just truth, man. When I hear truth, it's just so appealing, you know. And oftentimes, you know, when a man's and a woman and a family are walking in truth, they do see things right, they start having a new perspective, they do start leveling up in all the 7M's, and oftentimes that's a natural lead-in to being a leader in your community, leader on your job, leader in your and uh new endeavors. Maybe it's a business, maybe it's a political realm, you know, maybe it's a church, but it's a it's a feeling, man, when you can contribute. So listen, if you're listening right now, you're not alone. You are not finished, and your greatest mission may still be ahead of you. So you can connect with James Holland on Set Apart Farms on Facebook. You can do the same thing with DefenFit, plug into our family of warriors, and start living for the inside out. So let me leave you with the scripture. Luke 418, Jesus said this at the very beginning of his ministry. He says, I've been sent to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free, to set at liberty those who are oppressed. So don't forget we have two sides of this. On one side, we need to let go and forgive those that have hurt us, on the other side, we need to ask forgiveness, and so we start cleaning up. I think of it like an echo sketch. It's all dirty, and you flip it over and you shake it, and it's got a clean slate. And that's what the Lord does. He comes to renew you, you're a new creature in Christ. So this is living inside out where we we don't just talk about change, we build it from the inside out, faith, family, and freedom. So, James, thanks for being here today and sharing your heart, sharing your knowledge and wisdom and experience. And thank you for your wife Angie's who's you know contributing to this and giving you you know feedback and talk along the way and such a powerful stability at home. Um I'd love to have you back and we'll talk about another subject as well.
SPEAKER_04Awesome. Yeah, no. Thank you very much for having me, and thanks for, like I said, you know, having uh having these kind of conversations. I think they need to be had more.
SPEAKER_03Me too, me too. So thank you, listeners. Thank you for being here. Share this with other people, share the Spotify link or Apple Podcast link. You can also catch it on uh Patriot Talk Radio, 9 20 a.m. Saturday at noon, if you have AM radio at all. We're the fourth largest market in the country, so Faith, Family, and Freedom is also what Patriot Talk Radio is about, and we want to help you succeed. So uh listen to us next week and share the link. Thank you for being here. God bless you.
SPEAKER_01Tune in next week for another edition of the Living Inside Out Radio Show.
SPEAKER_06Live Inside Out, Open Move.