Healing The Whole Warrior

A veteran can survive war and still feel defeated at home and the hardest part is believing the damage gets the final word. We sit down with James Holland from Set Apart Farms to talk about healing the whole warrior and restoring families from the inside out, starting with identity. Instead of letting PTSD, anger, shame, or past trauma become a permanent label, we unpack what it looks like to replace lies with truth and rebuild a God-given identity grounded in Scripture.

We also get practical about what families actually do week to week. James explains why Set Apart Farms begins with honest conversations and simple accountability tasks before deeper work, and why healing has to involve the spouse and kids, not just the veteran. From there, we talk spiritual warfare and how to connect the dots between emotional pain and the unseen battle that tries to isolate, divide, and destroy unity at home. When couples stop fighting each other and start fighting together, the atmosphere changes.

Marriage restoration becomes a major theme: forgiveness and communication as spiritual weapons, the “unseen wounds” spouses carry, and why loneliness, burnout, and secondary trauma must be addressed for real veteran mental health recovery. We also tackle media consumption and “guarding the gates” of the mind, plus how martial arts and disciplined fitness can channel aggression into controlled strength and stabilize emotions by resetting the nervous system.

If you care about veteran healing, faith-based recovery, PTSD support, family restoration, and practical discipleship, this conversation will give you language and tools you can use today. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Mission To Heal Whole Warriors

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Living Inside Out Radio Show with John Peake.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peake, and I've got a special guest, James Holland. And today's show is about healing the whole warrior, restoring veterans and families from the inside out. And really, this applies to every family, every man, every woman, every child. The first segment we're going to talk about ministry, marriage, and mentoring. Part of my 7Ms. The 7M's are ministry, marriage, mentoring, media, martial arts, muscle, and money. Now, welcome to Living Inside Out. So here's where families are transformed. So we build men, families, and communities first from the inside out. Spirit first, then everything else follows. So today, James from Set Apart Farms is doing something very powerful. It's not just restoring veterans, but restoring families as a unit. So when we think about ministry, we're thinking about I like to call it just simply the plan of God. We've got this instruction manual called the Word of God, the Holy Bible, Old Testament and New Testament. Now healing begins with identity in Christ, not trauma labels. God restores purpose before he restores position, and spiritual warfare is often behind the emotional and behavior struggles. I know that from a personal perspective, and I've seen it happen over and over to people around me. James has had that same experience. And so we've gone through some transformations in our life. God's prepared us to have this show today for such a time as this to help you, the listener, overcome and conquer through spirit, mind, and body approach. So, James, when a veteran comes in, first of all, welcome to the show, James. Thanks for joining us.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

No, thanks for having me back. Really, it's an honor to be here. I'm looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Well, we've been talking as we just kind of prepare for the show. We've actually been talking for like over two hours before we even did the show. And we're learning a lot about the alignment of set apart farms and and living inside out and the spirit, mind, and body approach and how you feed and think about how you either you're promoting health in these categories or you're stopping the proper health. And so it's never just stagnant, it's either growing or dying in these three categories.

First Steps With Families

SPEAKER_03 2:31

So, James, when it comes to a veteran uh you know carrying trauma, how do you help them shift from a broken identity to a God-given identity?

SPEAKER_04 2:40

Well, again, I I love that the way you ask that question because it shows how you understand the this process and how it has to happen, a God-given identity. Um, that's kind of the heart of everything that we do. Right? So when a veteran and his family reach out to us, first off, we don't rush straight into any kind of deep work. We just start with a clear, honest conversation about their immediate needs and um you know what they're actually seeking, and then we lay out exactly how we can help them with the resources that we have available. One of the things that we do first, too, just to give everybody an idea here is we we kind of give them a practical you know list of tasks to complete when we first um start dealing with them. Um and they have to complete those throughout the week. Um, you know, things that'll get them moving, resources that'll assist them with those immediate needs that they're asking for, plus um some to get the family understanding that it isn't just about healing the veteran, that it's a holistic approach that involves the entire family. So uh things like communicating and seeking God together, uh and then at the end of the week we regroup with them and see where they're at. And that's intentional, it's it's pretty much a vetting process because we're we're not in the business of adopting families. Uh we guide them. Our mission is to guide them to implement real change and reconcile the relationship with God and restore those relationships with each other, um, and then we can move forward. So once they're engaged into that process, and um, you know, one of the things that we do to help them uh make that shift is is we immediately challenge the old labels, right? You know, we let them know you're not you're not your PTSD, you're not broken beyond repair, you're not what happened to you, and things like that, just positive reinforcement. We use I know there's three off the top of my head I know that I go into um almost immediately and and we do this. So what we do is is is we're replacing lies with truth and and we reinforce it with God's word. So not my words, not anything I came up with. We utilize God's word for it. So uh 2 Corinthians 5.17, you are you are a new creation, right? Uh Ephesians 2 uh 2.10, you are God's workmanship created for good works. In Galatians 2.20, Christ knowledge in you. We go into those three things in in depth with them um to again try to reinforce that positive, it's all positive reinforcement. What we've seen is nothing rebuilds a man's

Rebuilding Identity Through Scripture

SPEAKER_04 4:57

identity faster than realizing that God can still use him powerfully. Uh, and that same thing can be said about the marriage. So it's not just rebuilding the man's identity, but rebuilding their identity is in that marriage. And um, and and again, the shift doesn't just happen in one conversation, it starts it starts the the the moment that they that that family starts like uh for one, stops identifying with their trauma and their brokenness, and they start identifying with Christ. And I've told I tell families this all the time like healing doesn't begin with better coping skills, right? It begins when the man and the woman finally start to believe what God says about them more than what war or trauma or arguments or the enemy can say about them, and then that's where we really start to see um like real freedom starts right there.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

That's so good. When you're starting with the word of God, you can never go wrong. You know, that's why the word of God in Hebrews 4.12 says the word of God is alive and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword. So the battles you're conquering first have to happen spiritually. So I really love that. Now, have you had uh some encounters with veterans where they've encountered God personally and everything begins to change from from that point

Personal Encounters With God

SPEAKER_03 6:03

on?

SPEAKER_04 6:03

Oh, absolutely. That's that's the only way change begins. They have to have that encounter. I've seen it multiple times and I've lived it myself. Right? For me, it was hearing uh that voice in my darkest hour. Remember me. And that single encounter broke through years of anger, shame, um, suicidal thoughts. And it it wasn't a sermon or a program. Uh it was literally God meeting me right where I was at rock bottom. And from that moment, the healing process had real power behind it, and uh not just for me, but for the whole family. And uh these encounters they don't necessarily make everything easy. There's still work, right? There's work, there's discipline, uh weekly accountability, but they do give the power to per uh to persevere and stay in the fight, and that's for sure. So um and I've said this before, here's the truth programs don't change people, encounters with the living God does, and you know, that's what we pray for, and that's what we strive for here in trying to create space uh, you know, with set of art farms.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

That's so good. That's what I love about set of art farms, and that's why we're on the radio together, uh, creating an alliance, a partnership, you know, coming alongside. And that's so true, that's where it starts. You know, you had to come to this realization that there's a higher power at work here, and from my understanding, and I've tested it, I've gone after all these other things that I I was told were higher powers, uh, and I found no power. And so when I found that dusty old Bible at my parents' house that they certainly weren't using, that they had walked away from the Lord. And so it wasn't much of a role model as a family experience. But when I had a personal experience with the Word of God and started reading it, I I can remember reading it as an old King James version. And I was like, wow, this is kind of hard to read, kind of hard to understand. And I just prayed, Lord, show me very simply, if you're real, then I you can help me understand this simply. And it was like a light switch that I just started having an understanding of what I'm reading. And you know, if you're not sure, if you're listening, you're not sure why you should even uh seek Jesus Christ as the Son of God and understanding the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Why Jesus Heals Broken Hearts

SPEAKER_03 8:10

I wanted to read you something that's very simply the reason you should understand that this will make a difference. And it was uh prophecies told 600 years ahead of Jesus uh not just being born, but the day he started his ministry. So he's 33 years old, he's invited back to his hometown of Nazareth, he's invited into the synagogue, as was a tradition, to come up and read the Torah. And so they handed him actually Isaiah, the scroll of Isaiah. And um he opened it up and he started reading. And he says, This the Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, he sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, and to set at liberty those who are oppressed, and to proclaim the acceptable gear of the Lord. And he told them today the scripture is fulfilled. And of course, they're like, Who is this is Joseph, his son, and we've known him all his life. He now he's claiming to be the Son of God, and so they try to throw you know throw him off the cliff right there where they are, and of course he just went walking through the mist of them and he started his ministry, right? So if you've ever felt broken, like you had a broken heart, and I can probably tell you that every single person listening had a broken heart while they were still children. And it might have happened by your parents that broke your trust, or a brother or sister, or an aunt, uncle, or just a friend that decided he's gonna stop reading your friend kid down the street. And that causes brokenness. And we feel pain when we have broken relationships. And so if somebody would have told me that Jesus could heal my broken heart, maybe I would have listened better. I don't know. The Holy Spirit has to penetrate your heart, and sometimes you can have a hard heart and stop that. But I think it's important to know, right, that that's what Jesus' mission was. And and when I ask pastors or even somebody that uh you know has been studying the word for a while, a believer in his 20 years walking to go into church and walk with the Lord about what Jesus' mission was. And and it very rarely does somebody actually quote that scripture and says, Well, he came to heal the brokenhearted. But no, they'll say things like Jesus came to bring the good news, the gospel. Okay, came to bring the salvation. Yeah, justification, sanctification, yes, all these things, absolutely. But what did he say? Because I love it when you hear words that are powerful. And if you're gonna tell a story like James, you told me your testimony, and you know, when you tell that testimony, your words, man, they're powerful. You know, I can retell the testimony, and if I use your exact words, I can bring power to that story. But if I just tell some kind of short version or abbreviated, or I don't tell it accurately, it loses power. So that's why we should memorize the the word of God. Put it in our minds so that when you need it, you can have it. Because if you don't know the word of God, when you're faced with trials or tribulation or trouble or impatience or anger, then you're not going to react as well. You don't have a foundation to stand on. So you have to have those sword of the spirit, right? You have to have it in your mind. You can carry your Bible. You might be able to hit them over the head with it, but the words that he speaks are powerful, right? So you have to have it's just like learning self-defense techniques. Whether it's empty-hand knife, gun threats or you're using a firearm, you have to have that muscle memory to know how to use it properly, when and how and where. And uh if something goes wrong, you have to know how to overcome that and you have to be able to think very quickly, right? The transitional speed in a real fight is super fast. Right. When we teach Defend Fit, I have a procedure that people learn. And you identify the primary threat, you strike, clinch, and finish. Well, identifying the primary threat is completely different if it's like a headlock versus a knifestab, or if it's a gun to my head, or I have to understand those are different primary threats, and I have to react differently to them. And so you have a procedure. So simplifying how to live is is what's done in the Word of God. He gave us a great procedure to live by, and it's called the plan of God. So I know you've had different believers, uh you've had veterans become believers and start seeing the transition. And it's amazing when you see that, and you think about we've talked about this before. When you see the surrender of the heart, now that the battlefield changes, right? You have a chance to win once you surrender. Surrendering what? Well, surrendering our free will, right? So, how do you help families recognize that it's not just psychological but it's spiritual warfare?

Naming Spiritual Warfare At Home

SPEAKER_04 12:40

Well, I think an important step, uh, for sure. Uh well, we help them see it by connecting the dots, right? Between what they're experiencing and what scripture is says is really happening. And again, we use that not by my words, but we use God's words. Uh we now we do validate the psychological and emotional pain. Yes, the PTSD effects, you know, or PTSD is real, uh effects of TBI is real anger and anxiety, disconnection. All those are real, we don't dismiss that. But what we do is we show them the deeper reality, right? We dive into Ephesians 6 12, right? But we do not wrestle against flesh and blood uh but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of of the darkness of this age. We we reinforce them like your spouse is not the enemy, your kids are not the enemy. The real enemy is using your unhealed wounds and your triggers and and your silence sometimes to destroy your family. And this is the spiritual warfare that's masquerading around a psychological problem. So it's about it's about a lot of reinforcement. Uh, you know, we we we we put on we show them how to put on the full armor of God daily. Um, you know, we speak scripture out loud over your home and and over each other. Um praise a couple, you know, even if it's only five awkward minutes at first, use accountability with other believers so that the enemy can't keep you isolated. Um you know, we tell every family this battle is is it's spiritually it's it's it's it's spiritual at the root, so it has to be fought with spiritual weapons. That's what they have to come to understand. And so you can manage symptoms with therapy and medication and and and those have their place at times, but real freedom and lasting restoration only comes when you start fighting with the weapons that God gives you. And once a family can realize that and then realize it's spiritual warfare, they stop fighting each other and they start fighting together with prayer and truth and unity. And that's when we see uh real breakthroughs start to happen.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

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SPEAKER_03 14:30

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Brotherhood, Alignment, And Accountability

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peake, and I've got James Holland with me, man. He's from Set Apart Farms and he's just been sharing such great experience and testimony and understanding. We just have a great conversation off-air because we're in such alignment. And you know what's exciting is to be alignment on the Word of God, having spiritual alignment. I've had alignment in other areas with many people, but it doesn't have the same impact on bringing the brotherhood, you know, that we belong to the same family of God. That is a completely different ball game. And talk about a family of warriors, man. If you're able to connect in spiritual warfare and understanding of the Word of God, then you have such confidence in the relationships in the right has the right foundation and it's going to go in the right direction. Even though we all fall short of the kingdom of glory of God, we all will fall short. I may have to tell James, I'm sorry about something I said ten minutes from now. But you know, that's normal, right? Romans 3 23 says that all of sin is shall afford the glory of God. But because I have the Holy Spirit in me, if James brought something to me and says, Hey man, I want to call you out on this in love, right? And I'm going to say, Okay, what is it, man? Because I want to make sure that I reconcile and I'm first and foremost with my creator that I'm walking like I should. But certainly with my brothers and sisters in Christ, man. And even if they're not believers and I have something that came to me, it's like you know, that I need to address. Hey, I want to address it and have accountability because I want to be the kind of person that glorifies God with my testimony. And that's everything I do say how I act, that's all the testimony telling on me. So well, listen, let's go to

Marriage As A Unified Front

SPEAKER_03 19:35

this next category. It's the marriage category, and it's covenant and protection. And so my teaching points are this are is uh I have three points. Number one is unhealed spouses create a divided battlefield in the home. Marriage must be restored as a unified front, not two separate healing journeys. And number three, forgiveness and communication are spiritual weapons, not just emotional tools. Wow. So, James, you said healing doesn't happen in isolation. What happens when both the husband and wife begin healing together?

SPEAKER_04 20:07

Oh man, well, the entire atmosphere of the home changes, right? The battlefield becomes um a refuge again. Uh the divide begins to break down, and instead of two wounded people fighting each other or fighting alone sometimes, they start recognizing a real enemy. Um and the spouse is no longer the threat. They become their greatest ally. And and that shift is massive. When we see that breakthrough happen, it's that's uh it's always a smile on my face. The marriage starts to restore, they become a unified front, they stop having two separate healing journeys, and they start fighting as one. Um, you know, with things like they pray together, they renew their minds together and pursue God's purpose together, the marriage stops being a casualty and becomes a powerful weapon for the kingdom. Um, you know, once they realize that forgiveness and communication are spiritual weapons, then they learn to forgive much more quickly. And and not because the hurt wasn't real, but because they now understand that unforgiveness gives the enemy a foothold. And when that couple can practice uh honest, humble communication instead of shutting down or exploding, then they they have to understand that these aren't just relationship skills, right? They're acts of spiritual warfare. And um, you know, I'll be honest with you, Angela and I had to walk through this the hard way. Um when I was trying to heal alone, our home was tense and divided. We started pursuing healing together as as one unit in Christ, and began working on our marriage together, and everything changed. Um you learn so much from each other, don't you? It's part of the process, and that that's what's so important about it. And that's what we see, you know, when we have these individuals working on their on their purpose, we always have the the couple does it together. So they learn their individual purpose, but along with their spouse, because you're learning about your spouse as well, and you're learning their purpose. So that way, when it comes to time to to figure out your purpose as a couple. Right? Because this happened, you know, this was something that was early on in her childhood, or this is why this aggravates her and it doesn't aggravate me. When we became you know together like that, our kids could tell they they felt it. You know, our our home became more peaceful, and we went from surviving to actually just building something that's gonna definitely outlast us.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Generations affecting generations, man, legacies. Absolutely. So what are the biggest this is this is kind of revealing for sure, but what are the biggest unseen wounds spouses

Unseen Spouse Wounds And Burnout

SPEAKER_03 22:38

carry? And how do those affect the veteran?

SPEAKER_04 22:41

Well, so this is usually this is often overlooked. This is this is uh very overlooked. Um, some of the biggest that we see that the spouse carry, it's usually invisible to everyone else, right? Even including the person they're married to. Um so uh not even touching on childhood trauma. Uh we won't even bring that to the table, but just going into the the noun here, we see secondary trauma and uh emotional exhaustion is a huge one. They've absorbed years of nightmares, triggers, anger, and emotional shutdown. They live they live in a constant state of hypervigilance, also, and always trying to keep the peace, manage the kids, um, and protect their veteran from more pain. So many spouses are completely burned out, um, but at the same time they feel guilty for being tired. We see deep loneliness in marriage. Um they're married, but they often feel like a single parent or a roommate. The man or sometimes the woman they love is is physically there but uh emotionally absent. So that rejection over time creates uh a profound loneliness and resentment within the relationship. Let's see, there's identity loss, right? So there's also identity loss or crushed dreams. They may have given up careers or plans, parts of themselves, to support the veteran service and their healing. And many spouses, you know, they they quietly grieve the life that they thought they were gonna have. And you know, there's shame and guilt that plays a big role in that as well. They feel guilty for being uh angry at their spouse and for wanting more, for sometimes even wishing that they could just walk away. And that definitely affects the veterans. Um that's why it's so important that the family heal together and to stop separating the families. Um, you know, we tell Kelpels right up front, this is if this isn't an a team effort, then your healing's only going to take you so far. So we strive, we don't just want to restore the warriors, we restore the whole unit because rebuilding a strong marriage is one of the most important um and powerful testimonies that these families can have.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

It's a foundation of our nation, in fact. Without healing the family, the nation will fall.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Can you share a story where restoring the marriage uh changed the entire family dynamic? You've got your own for sure, and that's an awesome, you certainly share that. But can you think of uh you know how this completely changed the family dynamic when the marriage was restored?

SPEAKER_04 24:58

You know, yeah, I mean, other than my own, I'll tell you this. Every family we've helped so far, not not one is in the same place that they were, and not one has fallen apart. So that's a hundred percent success rate, and not by our hands.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

But every one of the families, they all took on the spiritual teaching as well as the mental, emotional, and physical.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

Right. Yes, and they're all still together to this day. So God's doing something right, I'll tell you that. And again, it's not by my hand. You know, this was shown to us, and and it's it's it's obviously it's working, um, because we have yet to we have yet to get that call uh and we we we stay in contact with the families that that we've helped. If we've helped a family that was three or four years ago, we still reach out to them to this or they call us. So it's it's it's a bond that we have. We we just stay in constant communication. Um it's like a team.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

That's what relationship is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 25:52

Yeah, and they're all I mean, like I said, we're a hundred percent success rate thus far. They're all families are together and they're definitely not in the same place they were, and they just keep getting better. And there's some that are just I'm so happy for them, and they're doing just great things. It just I mean, I mean, I'm sm I'm smiling right now when I'm talking to you because I'm thinking of some of these these families and what they've accomplished and what they come through and and what they're doing, and they're gonna do even greater things. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

When you're living out your purpose, man, it does put a smile on your face where you see fruit that you poured uh your labor into and you see it coming to life, where you see the fruits of the spirit the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This is the fruit of the spirit. This is what we get. You know, these are the nine assets that we get as a free gift by becoming believers.

Mentorship That Beats Isolation

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Well, this is the mentoring aspect. So this is number three. Mentoring is guidance and discipleship, and that's what you've done, Gary. Veterans need brotherhood, not just therapy. Uh the mentorship replaces isolation with accountability and purpose, and that's why you keep in touch with them and have just real conversations. Healing accelerates when someone walks with you, not just talks to you. And so I love that. I man, I love that what you're doing with set apart farms and building relationships. And you know, oftentimes men can talk to other men in a Bible study at church. Uh if you're having real relationships with other godly men, you can have these experiences on a micro level. Sometimes you need the macro and you need the big picture ice, you know, really, you know, support like set apart farms. But we're getting this, even James and I, when we talk off-air, we're feeding each other, you know, uh mentorship, giving and receiving, back and forth, and just re-establishing, you know, how powerful God has worked in our lives. So I got some questions for you. We're we've got another about another four minutes for this segment. James, how important is mentorship versus traditional counseling in your program?

SPEAKER_04 27:50

Uh it's well, it it's it it's pinnacle. It's it's very mentorship's not an option. It's it's the central foundation of of what we do. Uh traditional counseling has its place, but it's it's not enough on its own, right? So counseling helps you understand your wounds, but mentorship walks with you through them. And that's that's the big difference. Veterans don't just need someone with a degree who listens, you know, once a week. They need someone who's been in the fight and uh someone who will speak truth when they're when they're spiraling and and call them out when they're making excuses, but also celebrate the small wins with them. Uh you know, healing accelerates dramatically when someone is walking with you and not just talking to you. So therapy can give you tools, but mentorship and discipleship gives you uh transformation, and that's what we strive for.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

That's exactly what you that's the second question, right? How how what does a healthy mentorship uh mentor relationship look like for a veteran? And you just said it. So that takes us to the next question. How do you train mentors to recognize deeper spiritual struggles?

SPEAKER_04 28:49

Uh so it's not not I'll have to say this, not just anyone can or should be a mentor is what what I've kind of come across over the past few years of doing this. Um but if it aligns with God's purpose for you, then there is some training and some refinements that can be worked on uh to be a good mentor. And and being able to discern the difference between symptoms and roots uh plays a big part of that, right? A veteran exploding in anger might look like PTSD, but you you kind of have to take a step back and ask yourself, is this just trauma or is this the enemy using shame, uh condemnation, or hopelessness to keep the to keep them in bondage? Um so training in spiritual discernment by using scripture is a big part of it, right? So drill in Ephesians 6 12 and and uh uh let's see, uh 2 Corinthians 10 uh 3, you'll you'll soon start to recognize common tactics of the enemy, um, like those sudden waves of shame or worthlessness and and and lies, like you're you're too far gone, your family would be better off without you, things like that. You need to remember that a good mentor doesn't just listen to the family story, they listen for the voice of the enemy in it, and and then they're they they help that family take those thoughts captive and replace them with truth. And and that's how healing goes much deeper and much faster.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

That's good stuff. You know, I would say this you know, a mentor first has to go through his own recovery, his own healing and deliverance, and his own spiritual journey to level up. And proofs in the pudding, as they say, where the rubber meets the road kind of thing, where you're living out your faith in the Word of God, you've been through the fire yourself and gone through it, and you're consistently walking with the Lord. Now you can uh understand that okay, now it's possible for me to be a mentor and start some off. Start some off leading a Bible study. Participating should be a a given. You're already participating. But now taking small leadership roles and maybe just speaking up in a Bible study more often. That's a that's the first step because a lot of times there's just a fear of speaking up. But a mentor has to know when to speak and when to listen as well. And so when you go through these dynamics that James is talking about for yourself, that sets you up to be a lead, uh, a mentor. Right. So we should all be leveling up in the 7M's, and then when you master or you've got a great foundation in each one of these categories, you could learn to be a mentor under the guidance of another mentor so that you're not dangerous to people. Right? You need to have guidance with that.

SPEAKER_04 31:18

Right. And and it's yeah, the right timing is a big one. Um, you know, mentors have to realize they shouldn't train to become like junior therapists, right? They should train to become spiritual warriors who can stand beside a family in a real fight. And and, you know, the one that's happening uh in the unseen. That's a big part.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

That's great stuff, man. All right, so we're gonna go to a commercial break

Second Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_03 31:39

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SPEAKER_02 32:57

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Media Inputs And Renewing The Mind

SPEAKER_03 34:04

Welcome back to Living InStop Out Radio. I've got James Holland with me. Thanks for being here today. Our next category is talking about media. What enters the mind? You know, the battlefield is of the mind, so we have to be careful what we see, what we put forth in our eyes, what we hear and listen to, and what we speak. So my teaching points on this are really for all families, but we're talking about veterans because we're working with set apart farms here. What veterans consume mentally shapes their recovery. Negative media reinforces fear, anger, and isolation. And renewing the mind is essential for long-term transformation. So when I think of transformation, the scripture that always comes to my mind is Romans 12.2. It's one of my foundational scriptures that when I was studying the Bible study called The Mind of Christ, it uh it had these perforated cards in the back of the workbook, and you tore them out and you carried them along with you each chapter you were memorizing scripture. So Romans 12.2, it had us memorize that. Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And how does that come? Well, it comes from reading the Word of God. That's how you transform your mind. So, James, what role does media consumption play in a veteran's mental state?

SPEAKER_04 35:21

It's huge, right? Media consumption plays a massive role in in everyone's mental state, uh, often more than people realize. What you let into your mind every day is either feeding, it's either feeding healing or it's feeding the war inside. Right? And so, I mean, your mind's being shaped daily. And whatever you watch, scroll through, or listen to is programming your thoughts. And so if you're constantly feeding on, you know, I don't know, combat videos, negative news, violent movies, uh social media rage, you're keeping your nervous system in combat mode, right? And so negative media reinforces the wrong things. We know that. It pours gasoline on fear, uh, anger, hypervigilance, even isolation. And many veterans don't realize that their their nightly news binge or endless YouTube rabbit holes that they go down or making their PTSD symptoms worse, and actually, you know, pushing their wife and their kids further away. So uh you nailed it, you know, Romans, renewing your mind requires guarding the gates, right? Be transformed by the instruments of your mind. You can't renew your mind if you're feeling it with garbage four or five hours a day. So it's about retraining the mind for peace and purpose. What you consume is either making you stronger in Christ or it's keeping you stuck in survival mode. And when families clean up what enters their home, that peace increases, their marriage improves, you'll see, you know, anger will decrease, and they they start to hear God's voice much more clearly.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Now, the second question is have you seen destructive media habits slow down recovery? And obviously, you have. So I'm thinking more of okay, you see a family recovering, they've been guarding their minds, they're watching what they they they're considering what they watch, uh, see, and and how they speak. Have you seen them get comfortable where okay, we can let our guard down a little bit, and they turn on that TV, they open that phone, and the destructive media comes in and it starts to change their trajectory of their recovery?

SPEAKER_04 37:19

Yes. But here's the good thing is normally what we see is one so you got two players here, you got the mom and the dad. And so they'll agree on that, and that'll start to happen. One of them usually catches, right? They get that feeling, they get something that's like, ah, that's why we're not doing this anymore. You know, that's why we're not watching this. So that's why it's so important to heal the family together. Why so it's so important to hear heal the husband and the wife together, because they're a backstop for each other. It's it's just that much more powerful.

unknown 37:50

Right?

SPEAKER_04 37:51

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

Yeah, it's so true. There's a scripture, that's a biblical principle. And oftentimes I I'll ask people, have you ever heard uh the saying desire is one person sharp as another? I have heard that. I see where that comes from. And many times it's surprising to me, but many times people say, No, I don't I have I really don't have any idea. Sometimes somebody will say that comes from the Bible, but it comes from Solomon, man, 2717. In fact, I had one of my black belts, man, get certified, and he actually got this tattooed on his calf, Proverbs 2717 uh with the uh symbol. And it looked very cool. He had some great calves for it, man. I I wouldn't do it to my calves, but he had the calves for it. But catching that in your mind, you think he's ever gonna forget Proverbs 2717, Iron Sharpens Iron? Oh no, everyone get it tattooed on it, you know. But that's how we should have the word of God, man. So I love how you're talking about the husband will step up or the wife will step up, you're holding each other accountable in love. And that's a big part of the journey spiritually. When you have that spiritual journey, you're willing to do that too. When you get called out by your wife and you get caught, you're like, you're right. I absolutely, Lord forgive me, and let's uh let's redo that. Or you have the confidence that when you do bring this up to your spouse, that they're not gonna blow their top, they're not gonna, you know, hold it against you, uh, but they'll they're they're willing to make that change. It's a powerful place to be. And I'm not saying it's always perfect, the conversation goes just right, but it certainly depends on how you bring it to their attention, too, right?

SPEAKER_04 39:28

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

How do you guide a veteran towards life-giving inputs instead? So we see the destruction, but how do you guide veterans toward life-giving inputs instead of the destructive input?

SPEAKER_04 39:40

I think the first thing is to educate, right? So educate them, help them understand why their brain is is craving those quick dopamine hits, right? And then um replacing the toxic stuff with better ones. So doing a kind of a or an input audit uh with the family, you know, um, cutting out the rage content and the doom scroll and intentionally replace it with scripture and prayer in the morning. Even worship music and hard physical work and fitness uh is a big part. I mean, even real connection with the family, um, and content that just builds faith and purpose. Uh the goal is simple, really. It's starve the old man and feed the new one. And um, you know, what you feed grows, and over time the cravings weaken, the minor news, and the and the real peace and intimate start intimacy starts to return. That's that's yeah, that's kind of how we go about it.

SPEAKER_03 40:28

That's true, man. Real world. Nothing nothing to expect less from a Marine veteran that's a believer in Jesus, too, man. So let's talk about this.

Martial Arts For Controlled Strength

SPEAKER_03 40:38

We got uh some some good time left, man. We're covering the martial arts category now. Now, controlled strength and confidence. My teaching points around this are warriors need to channel aggression into controlled discipline. Now, confidence reduces fear-based reactions and emotional stability, instability, and being capable of defense restores dignity and identity. Now, I've seen people come in here with with uh disabilities. I've trained people in wheelchairs, I've seen people come in with titanium knees, you know, pins all through their bodies, shoulders, neck, and a lot of times the veteran already recognizes that listen, I'm coming to you because there's some things I can't do, but I'm really coming to you for therapy, right? I'm gonna get my confidence back. I'd like to do some private lessons. I have one that's been training with me for gosh, a couple years now, private lesson once a week. And she got uh a Humvee rollover, right, in Afghanistan. And one person died, the driver did something he shouldn't have, and you know, it was a lot of accountability, and she wakes up in Germany, man, with her body destroyed. And so, you know, this understanding of as a warrior revisiting your ability to be strong, to defend yourself. It's not just about physical defense, it's about your identity that you're capable, right? You're capable of recovery. And slow and smooth, smooth is fast is one of the things we say. That's right, that kind of thing, right? And oftentimes I'll say, Well, what does that really mean? Let's simplify it. So slow is smooth really means slow you have a chance to get it right and be safe. And smooth is fast really means you're gonna do it right and you're gonna speed it up so it's real world applic and applicable. Right? If it's not applicable and real speed, you won't have the transition time to do things fast enough, you're gonna be late to the party. In other words, you won't react in time. And I'll give you an example that we do every day. You drive too close to somebody tailgating and they hit their brakes, well, you didn't leave enough reaction time. So we oftentimes have to say, let me back off, this person's slowing down. And uh, I know I recognize, and if you don't recognize it, you're gonna rear end somebody. And then oftentimes, if in real life, say Houston traffic, you leave too much space between you and another car, somebody's gonna whole shot you. So that's right. It's very much a delicate balance, and oftentimes you just have to that's what we're doing, right? We're walking that fine line, that balance, guarding our mind, training our body. So let's talk about a question, Sal. Many veterans were trained for combat, so how do you help them reframe that skill for peace and protection?

SPEAKER_04 43:16

Ooh, that's a good question. Um, yeah, that's a good one because that's probably a a very powerful shift that that we try to help veterans make. Uh many veterans were trained to be lethal. They you know, they learn how to flip that switch uh from calm to violent in a heartbeat. And that skill kept them alive oftentimes to overseas, but uh at home it it it becomes destructive, right? Like, you know, hyperactivity or hyper-reactivity, anger outbursts, and and just constant tension in the home. So we help them reframe that training from combat to controlled strength, um, for peace and protection. Probably there's three things that that that we touch on immediately that are coming to mind right now. Channeling aggression right into disciplined control. This is this was some I just had a conversation with a veteran about this very topic uh just like two days ago. So so it's pretty fresh in my mind. But uh that that channeling aggression and into discipline control is is teaching real strength isn't about exploding, right? It's it's about having the power but choosing when and how to use it. And and martial arts is that's what I was trying to push them into is martial arts. And and you'll I'm sure you've heard this a lot. They're trying to get in shape before they go to a a gym like that. And it's like that's what it's for. Like just trust me, make the change and go. But martial arts often it's often it it becomes an outlet to burn off that wired up energy in a in a healthy, structured way. Um, you know, and and they learn to master themselves instead of being mastered by their adrenaline and and uh and emotions and it or builds real confidence, calms the nervous system. Because uh, you know, when a man knows that that he can protect his family if needed, that that hypervigilance actually decreases. Right? He stops living in a constant, like low level fear, and that confidence reduces emotional instability and and really helps them show up calmer for his wife and kids and restore that dignity and identity. Um and a lot of veterans feel like their skills are now useless or or even some of them feel shame, but we reframe it biblically, right? God gave you the ability to fight for a reason, and now he wants you to use that that same strength to protect your home and lead your family and uh and defend the vulnerable and and not destroy what you love.

SPEAKER_03 45:31

That's right, that's good. You're defending your health and and inherently too by learning martial arts and training. And you don't have to train seven days a week, certainly once or twice a week, it it'd be a great benefit. You know, I had a veteran come in and his name was James also, and he came in and he had done some room entries, one of the first teams that went into Fallujah and had to do all these room entries, and man, he saw horrific things and and had to do horrific things because the enemy's gonna kill him, but they and it was really rough. And so he came in to train and and it was a pretty fast, pretty fast. We recognized together it's too soon, James, right? He says, Man, John, I I I gotta get off the mat. I said, No problem, man. Let's walk over here, let's walk up to this area. So we talked and we just understood that it's too soon for him just yet to get on the mat. And so uh what he really needed first was a spiritual restoration, and that's where I addressed it first. And so James did that very thing, man. He got restored spiritually, he's a strong believer in Jesus now, man, has a family, he's remarried, and just has a wonderful life. And um the timing is really important. Sometimes it could be so fresh that you can't get on the mat. I understand that, but we have another things that we could do. And so this is about so how do how does physical training help stabilize emotional and mental health?

SPEAKER_04 46:50

That you know, with physical training, it's it's it's it's one of the most powerful stabilizers that you can use for emotional and mental health, right? It resets the nervous system for one. Um, you know, for veterans, uh combat wires the body for uh a constant fight or fight when commodo is the same. Uh so this is it's it's relevant to everyone though. Um hard controlled physical training, martial arts, lifting, uh rocking, things like that just burns off excess adrenaline and cortisol. And so it gives the body a uh a healthy way to discharge all that pent-up survival energy so that you aren't uh walking around like a loaded weapon at home. You know, I mean it'll it definitely helps regulate brain chemistry, uh consistent training naturally boosts uh the dopamine, serotonin, uh, and and in even endorphins. Um and those are the chemicals in the brain that that that was you know desperately trying to get from from maybe some some ways of acting out and how they're living. A lot of veterans will live recklessly and and that's because that's what their body is producing. They're trying to, you know, replace those and get those little shots. So this will reduce it reduces anxiety and moon swings. And then, you know, I mean there's the obvious too, it rebuilds confidence and self-control, just like you said. And and when you can learn to stay calm under pressure on the mat or in the gym, uh that discipline starts transferring to real life. You start to react less and and respond more and it makes you feel capable again, and and which dramatically lowers any kind of fear-based re uh reactions or emotional instability you may be having at the time. Um it restores dignity and purpose. That's a big one. Um many veterans feel weak and broken or even useless and not, you know, just lost after leaving the military, and physical training reminds them that they still have strength, and that strength can now be used to protect their family instead of hurting them.

Next Steps, Resources, Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_03 48:39

That's good. Listen, we're gonna do a breakout on that category, the muscle category, physical health and strength, and we're gonna talk about food, we're gonna talk about nutrition, we're gonna talk about supplements, we're gonna talk about um James's wife has uh complete research around herbs of the Torah. And so she's done a bunch of great research. We're gonna point you in the right direction there. We're also gonna talk about money, we're gonna talk about the integration and call to action around that, responsibility, independence. And so we're gonna talk about the integration of the whole family being healed. We have a lot more to talk about this to get through these categories. So join us next week on Living Inside Out as we come uh partner with and come alongside Set Apart Farms uh with James Holland. Uh James, it's been a great show. I really enjoy speaking with you both on air and off air, and uh uh I'd love to do this again next week.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

Yeah, I'm I'm really looking forward to it. I really appreciate the time. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

All right, thank you for joining us at Living Inside Out. Don't forget to look up DefenFit uh 17317 El Camino Real, Western, Texas. Uh 713-2525836. We're here to help. So God bless you. Have a great oh, you know what I want to do as we lead us out? We're gonna do a final prayer. So, Lord, restore our warriors, heal their families, renew their minds, strengthen their bodies, and remind them they still have a purpose. In Jesus' name, amen.

SPEAKER_01 50:07

Amen. Tune in next week for another edition of the Living Inside Out Radio Show.

SPEAKER_07 50:17

Living Inside Out, it's a token movement, stop, stop inside out.