Living Inside Out with John Peek
Welcome to Living Inside Out with John Peek!
Living Inside Out with John Peek
From Battlefield Home To Training Ground
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Your house can look fine from the outside and still feel like a battlefield on the inside. John Peake sits down with James Holland, founder of Set Apart Farms, to talk straight about why “working on myself” does not restore a marriage, calm a nervous system, or rebuild trust with your kids unless the whole family trains together.
We dig into a powerful shift: turning a battlefield home into a training ground. That means less reacting and more responding, building structure and direction, and leading with peace instead of survival mode. James offers a simple gut-check for men, from phone-first mornings and numbing at night to the habits that signal real change: time with God, intentional connection, movement, and guarding what comes into the home.
Then we get practical with three truth-tellers: the table, your time, and your inputs. We explain why the dinner table is ground zero for family healing, how one shared meal a week can restart honest conversation, and how to run a simple input audit for media, food, and household products. We also talk about generous listening and what a man needs to understand before he can truly hear his wife, setting the stage for Angela Holland’s next appearance.
If you want faith-based family healing, biblical leadership at home, and real-world tools for veterans and families, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the habit you are changing this week.
Bridge Into Whole-Family Healing
SPEAKER_01Welcome to the Living Inside Out Radio Show with John Peake.
SPEAKER_06Welcome back to Living Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peake, where we build men, families, and communities from the inside out. Spirit first, and everything else follows. So thank you for being here today. If you've been listening to the in the past few weeks, we've been talking about restoring warriors, spiritual warfare, and God's design for healing the whole family. We've walked through the seven M's ministry, marriage, mentoring, media, martial arts, muscle, and money. And we've seen that you can't just heal the veteran and leave the family behind. Here they are bleeding out, and you're focused on one person when everybody needs a triage. So today's a bridge episode. Next time we're going to have James's wife Angela, she'll be joining us. And so today I've got James Holland on, founder of Set Apart Farms, and we're going to talk together about strong families, strong bodies, and strong futures and how faith, wellness, and practical stewardship all come together in your home. But before you hear from her, there's some groundwork that needs to be laid, especially for men listening. So today we're going to talk about moving from ideas about healing to daily practices that actually change the atmosphere in your home. So thank you for being here today, James. Thank you for founding Set Apart Farms and just we being willing to start something that could transform lives. And I know you've already been transforming lives, and we just hope to come alongside you with Living Inside Out and multiply that.
SPEAKER_03Well, thank you. Thank you for having me again. Uh again, thanks for even you know putting this out there. I think I think it's very important. And so uh these talks need to be had. So I really appreciate it. I'm honored. Thank you.
SPEAKER_06I've I've watched you grow. I've watched you grow from I know your family, I know your father, I know your mom, and I know your your your uncles and aunts, and so it's been a real pleasure to see you go through into the Marine Corps, go through that, and you know, I'm like, what is going on? And what's happening to James, man? And there's like this whole process that happens to our warriors out there where they're facing things that are just horrific, and they're going through battles that we know nothing about unless you've been in war, unless you've seen combat, and you have no idea what's going through their mind. And one of the things that we want to do is like expose the things that they've had to deal with, that they continue to have to deal with, even when they're back in civilization. And so we want them to be able to level up and go through that and not take an exit strategy, but be involved in their families, be involved with their as a husband and a wife, uh as a husband and a father, and and supporting their wife. And
Why Solo Healing Falls Short
SPEAKER_06so, James, let me ask you the first question: why is it working on myself? Why isn't that enough?
SPEAKER_03Well, look, so God didn't design healing to happen just inside one guy's skull, right? He designed it to happen in a body, the body of Christ and in a family unit. So just like an infantry squad. You can't just fix the squad leader and uh give them all the tools and and things they need. And then leave the rest of the team bleeding, right? The real change um in how you speak to your wife when you're stressed, um, how you show up at the dinner table, uh, what you do um with your phone at night, and how you handle the hard days. Um until your family sees and feels the difference. It's kind of a it's still just a theory, really. So you know, it's it's in the parents, we see it every time. When the when the parents start to lead from a place of peace instead of survival, the whole house shifts. So so that's not just the father doing that, right? That's the the parents, the the husband and the wife coming together as one unit, as as they're as they should, and that's gonna shift that entire household.
SPEAKER_06So what you're saying is I can be working on myself, listening to shows, you know, reading, maybe seeing someone, but what you've seen doing set apart farms and ministering to families, that's not enough to restore the home.
SPEAKER_03Right, because I mean that's kind of the same the same strategy that we've been doing, right, for a long time. I mean, at least let's just go to Vietnam. Right? So right now a veteran has problems or issues, they call somebody up, they call an organization, they call the VA and they say, Hey, I'm you know I'm having these problems, I need some help. And what do they do? They take them and they put them into a a program, whether that's thirty days, sixty days, ninety days, um, and and they give this veteran all these these coping skills and communication skills and all these tools, and then they send them home and say now make it work. And nine and a half times out of ten, it doesn't, because they left out half the ingredients. They left out the spouse. And then during that time, while they're they're doing that, the spouse is pulling double duty. So there's resentment that's building up. There's still bills that need to be paid, there's still kids that need to be taken to school, and kids that need to be taken to to games, and there's still things that need to be bought and paid for. Um, that program doesn't work, right? It's the same, it's it's just doing the same thing over and over again and and expecting different results. So what we see is that was the gap. The gap was not healing the entire family as a unit, as they are.
Turning A Battlefield Into Training
SPEAKER_06So, what does it even mean to turn the home from a battlefield into a training ground for recovery?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, so we use that term often when we're when we're helping these families. So often a battlefield home is exactly what a lot of us brought back, right? The tension is thick, it's thick enough to stick a knife with. Um, everybody's walking on eggshells, waiting for the next outburst or shutdown. Um, a training ground home still has hard days, don't get wrong, like because life is hard. But with a training ground home, there's purpose, there's structure and direction. That isn't just reacting anymore in a in a training ground home, leading like a squad leader, a fire team leader who knows the mission. Um, you know there's players at the table, there's shared meals, um movement together, work that everybody pitches in on. Uh the kids learn that when they see that happening, they learn that hard things are normal. Okay, but quitting and exploding aren't the option, right? That's not the option we want to go with. So in a training ground home, you're not just surviving another day, you're preparing your family together for the future that God has for you. And that's the shift we really push hard for here at Set of Heart Farms.
SPEAKER_06I love that. You know, there's uh there's a process of when things things are going on, it's important for us, especially as fathers, to set the tone in the culture of the home. And one of the ways to do that is is to not react, but to respond. In other words, not yell and be reactive, but think about it and respond in a way that's gonna be productive. So we want to have an outcome. And if you're reacting with all this emotion and and lack of planning, lack of thinking, it's a battlefield of the mind for sure. Then it's not gonna be such a great outcome, but if you respond with some thought, it'd be a good example when your child's doing something and disobedient and you're gonna need to have some type of punishment and you're upset about it to say, listen, we're gonna talk in about 15 minutes, just go to your room, and I'll be in there in a in a short while. And then you you get to pray about it, you get to think about it, talk with your spouse about it. And then when you go in, that's called responding instead of just reacting. But that is a training ground for sure.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah. Give it a minute, right? Maybe go pray for some patience first.
SPEAKER_06Exactly. It's funny, Ben. Be careful what you practice your pray for because you pray for patience, man. The Lord's gonna test you.
SPEAKER_03No, that's true. That's true.
SPEAKER_06But that's a good one. We we do need it for sure. So here's another
Survival Mode Habits Gut Check
SPEAKER_06question. How do daily habits rev uh uh reveal whether a man is still in survival mode? Help the men listening to do a quick j gut check. What daily habits tell you a man is still stuck in survival mode versus beginning to walk in peace?
SPEAKER_03So a gut check. So uh I can tell you the first thing that that we always say is look at your habits. Right? Check your habits. Survival mode looks like waking up, grabbing your phone uh before you even talk to God. But it also looks like eating whatever's convenient, right? Reacting out of frustration, uh numbing out at night with screams or alcohol or isolation. Um, you know, a man walking in peace, even with with battles still going on, because we're gonna have those, you know, like it's hard to say. Um start today you know with the Lord. That's what a man walking in peace does. Um intentional with his wife and kids moves his body and treats it like it belongs to God because it does. And he's careful with what he brings into the home. That's also another very important thing. Those habits they don't those habits don't save you, right? But they they they do reveal who's really in charge, right? Either your old impulses or Christ in you. And so we tell the couples that we work with, inspect your daily patterns, right? Because they're they're gonna reveal to you the truth every time.
SPEAKER_06That's right. Whatever goes in, it's it's uh, you know, the concept behind living inside out is whatever goes through your eyes and ears will manifest in your mind and eventually come out in your in your actions and your speaking. And so managing those things, man, is so important. And it doesn't just happen, it requires day what you call daily habits. And you know, when you become a believer in Jesus, you're giving nine specific assets. And they come to you as a free gift just for being a believer when you're indwelled by the Holy Spirit. And it's Galatians in the book of Galatians, chapter five, verses twenty-two and twenty-three lays that out. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And when you start understanding the gifts that God gives you, the blessing, and you can start to cultivate those intentionally. And that's what living inside out is all
Think It Say It Do It
SPEAKER_06about. So cultivating them in the ministry category first, understanding the foundation from which we should be thinking, taking on the mind of Christ, memorizing scripture, starting to put those into our mind will allow us to put them into practice. I say this when I teach on the mat think it, say it, do it. So tonight I was teaching Muay Thai kickboxing and I had the students doing three different defenses slipping and fading, moving the head, checking with your hands when a strike's coming in, deflecting it in other words, and then covering. And they were really struggling to do that. And I've seen this over and over. So I have them verbalize the one person is is giving them strikes at a speed they can handle. So they're replicating a situation that they're gonna have to deal with, a simulation, but they're doing it at a speed and tempo and range that they can handle successfully. So we're actually feeding success, not feeding failure, not putting them in survival mode. And then they can verbalize, say, which defense am I gonna use? Okay, I'm only slipping, you know, I'm only checking. So okay, I'm only covering, checking, slipping, covering, checking, covering, slipping. And so back and forth. And pretty soon they're doing it without having to verbalize it, and they're doing it faster, what I call transitional speed, and it becomes uh a reaction that's more programmed, so it's a good response and not a negative reaction. And so those assets that we developed in the teaching method and um on the mat tonight at the end of class, I actually talked about applying these same principles to their lives at school, whether it's math or science or in their relationships, dealing with friends or family members, to try to be a thinker, and then you can be a doer. And then you can have, and that's the order things need to come in. You need to think in order to do and to have. And you can say thinking it's really you need to obey what the Lord's telling you to do. And then you know you'll you'll understand how to operate, and then you'll have the blessing that comes with that, man. And that's that's living inside out in a nutshell.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. And yeah, you're right, saying it out loud. We did the same thing in the Marine Corps when you're going through boot camp. We we would teach recruits uh certain movements, certain drill movements that they they had ditties that they would say back. So we would give them the order and they would have to say it out loud as they were moving and doing it. It goes hand in hand, it's how the brain just retains.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's like um telling yourself what to do first comes from the mind, right? So if you can think it, you can say it, and then you can do it. And then it becomes a muscle member. You're like doing self-coaching in a way. Um but it first has to be input in a high quality manner. So we need coaches, we need guidance, we need mentors, uh, we need spiritual mentors, mental emotional mentors, physical mentors. And if we're doing those kind of things in those seven categories, man, we're gonna transform these veterans and their families with the word of God and then with tools that are practical that they can put into their life right away, day one. And it's hard at first, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, it is it is it's just doing it, right? The same thing like like we've talked before about uh you know, people joining the gym. And there's so many people that win weight and they put it off and they put it off and they put it off, they just need that nudge. But once they get there, they're like, Well, why haven't I been doing this?
SPEAKER_06Right. Sometimes it takes a couple years before you finally had the epiphany, like you know, wow, I am doing it, and it used to be so hard, and it's easier now. The hard times will come back. God, the Lord's gonna grow you in ways when he needs to, but you can certainly have relief from where you're at now, and that's the key. Get that constant fulfilling of the Holy Spirit so you're getting relief from your struggles. The Lord puts it like this the word of God talks about having the peace that passes all understanding. And I've lost, you know, family members, both my parents, I've lost a brother, and those hard times of losing somebody close will test you, you know, or a relationship breakup. Uh you know, the death of a sibling is probably the one of the worst I've had. Thank you, Jesus. I've never lost, you know, a child yet. But I know people that are going through these struggles like this, and one of my dear friends just lost her father and very close. And so being able to go to your knees and I ask the Lord to give me that peace that all that passes all understanding is such a key to recovery.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. And it's just moving. You have to do something. Right? Same in in combat. You can't just be you can't get pinned down from gunfire and just lay there forever. You you have to do something, you have to move. And so that that's what I I try to push into these veterans and these families all the time is what are you doing different? Right? What are you doing different today than you did yesterday, than you did last week, or than you did last month? Yeah. Often the answer is nothing.
SPEAKER_06And so, the other question is what are you doing the same? Are you being consistent about what the good things that you already developed? Staying true, not going back, sliding back to that old habits, because we are creatures of habit, aren't we?
SPEAKER_03Oh, absolutely. Right. What's the good consistency habits, right? How are you staying consistent in the good things? And let's focus on those. That's also another aspect of it. Absolutely right.
SPEAKER_06All right.
Three Arenas That Tell The Truth
SPEAKER_06So next uh we're gonna go away for a break, and next we're gonna go uh get practical, even more practical than we are. We're gonna talk about the three arenas that will tell the truth about how your family is really doing, uh, your table, your time, and your inputs. And these are the same areas uh that James's wife Angela and I will dive into deeper in the next episode, but you can start today. So listen, we'll be right back with Living Inside Out Radio. Don't go away.
SPEAKER_01Are you
Sponsor Messages
SPEAKER_01ready to get stronger and safer? At Defend Fit Self-Defense and Fitness, it's more than just a workout. It's real world protection and total body strength. Imagine a 60-minute high-energy class that blends 80% functional fitness, strength, endurance, agility with 20% real self-defense skills from Crop Magab. You'll torch calories, build muscle, and gain the confidence to defend yourself in real life. Whether you're joining our ladies-only sessions or grabbing a spot in our co-ed class, you'll learn how to move, protect yourself, and stay ready for anything life throws your way. No experience needed, just determination. Come train with top instructors who help you become faster, fitter, and more confident in every situation. Defend fit, where fitness meets life-saving self-defense. Visit Israeliselfdefense.net or call 713-252-5836. That's 713-252-5836 and request more information today. Defend Fit. Be strong. Be ready.
SPEAKER_02Hello, my name is Greg Brainerd, owner of BrainTech, and here's another Brain Tech Tech Tip, one of the simplest and most powerful ways to protect your company. Turn on multi-factor authentication for Microsoft 365. Here's why it matters. Most cyber attacks start with stolen or guest passwords. Employees often reuse passwords. Attackers send convincing phishing emails, and before you know it, someone's inside your email, your files, or the entire network. But multi-factor authentication stops that. Even if someone gets your password, they still need this second layer of approval from your phone. It's easy to set up. Log in a Microsoft 365 admin portal, click on active users, multi-factor authentication, turn it on for your whole team, and then walk them through the preferred method of setup. It just takes a few minutes and the protection is tremendous. If you'd like BrainTech to help you with your Microsoft 365 accounts, give us a call at 281-367-8253 or visit our website at Braintech.com. BrainTech making IT easy for your business.
SPEAKER_00Whether you attend one of our educational firearm classes, utilize our range training, need an LTC class, need help with an FSL transfer, or want to use our on-site gunsmith to adjust your firearms. Our trained and friendly staff are here to help. Come by Aegis Arms located at 3915 South at Houston Parkway East in Houston to check us out, sign up for classes, meet people that share the same interest, or just schedule your next gathering. Be sure to ask about our membership opportunities. You can also call us at 713-503-7645 and visit agentarms.com. That's A-G-I-S-A-R-M-S.com.
SPEAKER_06Welcome back to Living the Inside Out Radio. I'm your host, John Peek, and I've got my guest from St of Art Farms, James Holland, which really is quickly becoming a staple. I think we might end up just doing this kind of thing together and developing it. So James and I have been talking a lot about uh the alignment of what's going on and and we may end up uh taking a broad subject and just uh winging it instead of being so formally prepared, but we're gonna be prepared regardless is because we're gonna provide you with tools and skills and and assets that can transform your life. So the second segment, we're talking about the table, the time, and the inputs.
The Dinner Table As Ground Zero
SPEAKER_06So the question is why is the dinner table such a spiritual battleground? And so, James, next time Angela and I are on, we're gonna talk about the temple, the table, and the training gown. But let's let's start with the table. Why is something as simple as eating together such a big spiritual battleground for families?
SPEAKER_03Man, we believe uh the table is kind of ground zero, and it's it's it's where you either build connection or reinforce isolation, in our opinion. Most families today are are eating and shifts, right, in different rooms or uh staring at screens and uh and and all kinds of different things. And for starters, the the reason I believe it's it's kind of ground zero is it it trains everybody to live in in parallel lives under the same roof. Right? That's kind of the way we kind of put it a lot of the times with some of these families is we say, like, this is what we're seeing is you're kind of living parallel lives under the same roof. You have all these other things going on. You're eating a shift, you're in different rooms, you're doing all these other things, and a shared meal, um it it sends a f it sends a signal to the whole family's nervous system, right? It's saying that like, hey, look, we're on the same team. We're safe, you know, and mom's ads, you know, from her heart. Uh kids open up about their day. Um, and and the enemy, at the end of the day, the enemy fights really hard. Um, fights this very thing very hard. Um, trying to break that up, you know, with business, with sport schedules, um even endless scrolling. Um, because if he can fracture the table, he fractures the healing. And and we've seen families come back together around that table and and start command in ways that nothing else can even come close to. That was such a great just kind of starting point. And and and and there's a lot of kind of in our program, there's a lot that just builds upon that right there, but that's kind of the the ground zero sh starting point for sure.
SPEAKER_06That's rich, yeah. I can think of back, well, I had a dream a few weeks ago about that very thing about my family sitting down at the dinner table. And I've had, you know, a grandfather that um when we ate together, he had a philosophy that the kids are made to be seen and not heard. In other words, he didn't want you acting up at the dinner table to be responsible. You're with adults, the kids are sitting with the adults, they're not at a separate table, and so it's like modeling how to act as a family to the kids. So the the adults are having adult conversations, and it's all uh usable information for the child if they'll listen. And so when I think about the best times in our lives, we were having meaning we were having meals together and we're having meaningful conversations. And so that dream came to me, and I actually woke up in the middle of the night at 3 30 in the morning and I was thinking, what was that about? Why is that coming in a dream? And I keep my phone near me and I can check the time, I can answer emergencies, but I can also write. I open up the note section and I can write things. And so I started writing things down, then I started going and doing some research. And what documentation is there for research about families that have meals together and really have meaningful conversations? What is the outcome in their families? What is the unity, good or bad, more or less? Um, do the kids and children grow up to be more productive and hardworking and have or is it not a consequence? And so there's actually a ton of information on the effects of families that eat together three to four times a week and and are undistracted and talk communicating well well with each other and about meaningful subjects. And so I'm like, well, that's really no surprise. I've seen it manifest in my own life, and I've done that for my children. And so I started putting together these things in my head about living inside out, these seven categories, and I actually made uh placemats that you can have um all the structure for a mentoring program, the most important areas of life on that dinner placemat, and you can have it right at the table. And then I shared that with you, James, and you showed it to Angela, and Angela suggested we make it more uh aesthetically pleasing. So on the back side, you can have uh the color of a table, the wood grain, for example, and you have several different colors and styles of that so they can be on the table and not like put in a drawer shoved out of the way because it's ugly. And then when you want to have your mentoring, you turn it over and you go through it. And I've I I made one for parents, one for teens, and one for kids. And I have a little beta test going on about that with that uh in in families, and so I'm looking forward to hearing back. But that is one simple way to reclaim the table is have a plan. You know, have a at least if you don't have my place, Matt's you you certainly have your your questions that maybe you think about you would like your kids to have answers to, or that maybe you had thoughts. You can do a little research on that. It's it's so much information is at our fingertips, but you can just have one question. How what did you do today that helped somebody? Or what did you do today? Uh and maybe I'm sharing from the heart. Maybe I'm sharing, you know, that I did something today I wish I wouldn't have done. And I can share that. And I here's why, and here's what I wish I would have done. And you share that from your heart with your children and your wife, and they're like, wow, they're starting to see an authentic leadership.
SPEAKER_03There's so many lessons to be learned around the dinner table, and and they're learning from you, they're learning you even even like you said, what could I have done differently? I would have done this differently, and here's why. That's a that's a lesson to be learned. I love your idea on this plan. I think it's it's it's great, and and the information you share with me on it, I I it's so spot on. It's it's so simple, yes. It it's it's it's it's also so effective. It's it's just a cheat sheet. It's it's it's it's great. I think it's one of the great things. And you know, um I think I shared with you once before about I know that it's the dinner table, how we're onto something here, is and the enemy is trying to break that up so much. I was telling you how we were we're home shopping. And we were looking for homes, we were looking at these homes in kind of these older neighborhoods at first. It's kind of back and forth between new construction builds and older neighborhoods. And what we were finding the difference between the older homes was the older homes all had designated dining rooms. And you go into a new construction home now and they don't they don't they don't really have that anymore. They have an area for the table that's kind of like in the kitchen area, but it's not like a designated dining room because most families aren't eating together in their own, you know, sitting down at the same time and eating around the table. And that's how you know that the devil's attacking that at very important time.
SPEAKER_06With as as the family goes, so does the foundation of the nation.
SPEAKER_03Right.
One Simple Meal To Rebuild
SPEAKER_06So for a family that hasn't sat down together in a while, what's one simple step they can take this week to reclaim the table?
SPEAKER_03Uh you know, we have there's an acronym in the in the military with um, you probably use it as well with your train. Um, you know, keep it simple, stupid, because keep it simple. Pick one night this week, right? Put it on the calendar, get the mission brief. Like, like make it non-negotiable. Okay, no phones, no TV. Nothing at the table but faces and foods. That's it. And uh pray together, right? And just go basically. How is your day? You said just hey, how is your day? Right? What's one thing you're thankful for? What's one thing that you want to tell the rest of us about? Um you know, you're not trying to fix the whole family in one meal, right? You're you're just rebuilding the habit of being together. And it might not go the way that you pictured it. Um but that's okay. Remember, I've said this before in previous episodes, that consistency beats perfection every time. So that you know, when that's done, you schedule the next one, and that that rhythm becomes a pillar. It just becomes normal. It throws me off now. I have to travel, I have to go out of town without A without my wife, Angela, or Ava. It completely throws me off on my dinner routine now. That we're not sitting around the same table talking about the day and talking about the week. It just becomes that that normal everyday thing that you do, and and and there's so much to be learned. There's so many good things that we've done just sitting around the table. Um, and that's why it's kind of our our battleground, it's our starting point.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that's so good. You know, Einstein said it this way. He didn't say keep it simple, stupid. Einstein said make it as simple as possible, but not too simple, right? But I heard growing up a lot, especially from men in the workforce, keep it simple, stupid was a common thing, right? And so I actually said that on the mat one time when I I had one of my mentors, Hakka Kaim, who's like a legend in the martial art industry, he's a Hall of Famer and knows everybody that's anybody's been doing it for 60 years and travels all over the world training military and police officers and civilians. And uh he's actually uh on and under contract right now with a company in Europe and the UK. And and we were teaching, and I mentioned to one of the students, hey, here's this technique we're working on, okay. But keep it simple, stupid, right? Don't complicate it, don't overthink it. And there's a couple things that come out of that. You you have to overthink things when you don't know what you're doing. You had to think and go slow enough to build the muscle memory so that you can move fast through it as if you're not thinking, but you are always thinking. But Hawk pulled me aside ten minutes later, he goes, Hey, what you said over there earlier, keep it simple, stupid. He goes, We don't say that like that anymore. And right away in my little mind, I knew the word stupid was what he was talking about, just right away. And I said, Oh yeah, so what do we say? He goes, keep it simple, smart, but not too simple. And I love that. I love that so much. And it's just it lines up perfectly with Einstein. Make it as simple as possible, not simpler. But when you say keep it simple, smart, your many people's mind goes back to the statement of keep it simple, stupid. But you like it more. Keep it simple, smart. And I like to end it with, but not too simple, because you don't want to think too shallowly too without enough complete thoughts that you leave things hanging or incomplete conversations, you didn't think far enough ahead. And so Einstein, we use that phrase, hey you, Einstein, sarcastically when somebody's not being very smart about things. But there's a reason we listen to Einstein. He had a lot of great ideas with his high IQ. And one of the most profound and simple, but yet profound is that that phrase, keep it simple, smart. Make it as simple as possible, but not too simple. In fact, I like it so much. My DefendFit logo has that on the outer circle, right? On the top, keep it simple, smart, and on the bottom, but not too simple, right? You can read that right on the logo. So that's part of the foundation of living inside out, right? We're keeping it simple, right, with the seven categories, but not too simple. So we're digging deep into each category.
SPEAKER_03Well, see, I'm gonna start using that so you know.
SPEAKER_06I told Hawk the same thing. That belongs to me now, man. I'm owning that. And I've developed the logo rebranded recently to Defend Fit, and I put that logo on there and I I put uh Hawk's name uh in there so it it took him uh to on his Facebook page and he acknowledged it. He goes, Oh yeah, man, I love that. That's good, John. Being part of the logo keeps it with you, you know. So I think we should all have areas of knowledge that we own. And we put them in our phone, we write them down, we put them on sticky notes and stick them on the mirror, the things that we want to remember and make them automatic go-to phrases that we live by, mottos or a mantra, if you will, and can be new as the day goes and weeks and years go by. You you introduce new knowledge that you own because you're gonna pass that down to your generations and you're gonna affect people's lives with it.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06All right. So
Inputs That Shape The Home
SPEAKER_06we're gonna talk about some inputs next. We're gonna talk about media and food and products. It's so important about talking about wellness. And we're gonna do a deep dive next time with Angela as well, because she's really done a lot of research with um, and she has a testimony about why she did this as well. I'm gonna save that for her, but she has Herbs of the Torah, where she's done a lot of research about natural products, and so everything that you can think of under the sun, man, that goes on your body or in your body. And so we are battling spiritually, mental emotion, physically, and so we're connecting the dots. So listen, don't go away. We'll be right back with more from Liby's Shutout Out Radio instead of performing with James Holland.
Sponsor Messages
SPEAKER_01Life doesn't wait for perfect timing, and danger doesn't announce itself. That's why at Defend Fit Self-Defense and Fitness, we train you with real techniques for real situations. From Crock McGuff to knife defense, from stick fighting to firearms awareness, our system is built on real-world defense, not roles or forms. Our Defend Fit classes combine intense functional fitness with practical self-defense so you get stronger and safer all in one session. Whether you want to protect yourself, your loved ones, or your community, we've got you covered. Beginners welcome. All fitness levels invited. This is empowerment you feel on the street and in your life. Visit Israeliselfdefense.net or call 713-252-5836. That's 713-252-5836 now. Defend fit, where your confidence becomes your strongest defense.
SPEAKER_02Hello, my name is Greg Brainerd, owner of BrainTech, and now another Brain Tech Tech Tip. You sit down at your desk, power on your laptop, and then you wait. You've got time to grab coffee, check your phone, maybe read the news, all while your laptop slowly crawls to life, loading program after program that you didn't even ask for. Sound familiar? Here's the fix. Clean up your startup items. Take control back by pressing Ctrl Shift Escape on your keyboard to open the task manager, click on the startup tab, and then you'll see everything that launches when your computer starts up. Right-click and disable anything that you don't need immediately at startup. Spotify, Adobe updaters, messaging apps, you can always open them up later. Don't worry, you're not uninstalling anything. You're just telling the system to wait until you ask for it. A little cleanup can turn five-minute boot time into 30 seconds. If you'd like BrainTech to tune up your computers, give us a call at 281-367-8253. Or visit our website, braintech.com. BrainTech making IT easy for your business.
SPEAKER_00Living in Texas, there are three things that we all love to do: barbecue, eat tech specs, and shoot guns. Agent's Arms doesn't serve food, but we are an operated indoor gun range, located right here in Houston at 3915 South Sam Houston Parkway east. We have a full array of services from gun rentals, educational firearm classes, range training, LTC classes, and a gunsmith on site. We can even handle your FSL transfers. Whether you visit once or once per week, you will find that we have great rates, an attractive annual membership, and we offer discounts for military, officers, and veterans. Come in and meet our friendly trained staff and certified instructors. Call us at 713-503-7645 or visit us online at agentarms.com. That is A-G-I-S-A-R-M-S.com.
The Family Input Audit Plan
SPEAKER_06Welcome back to Living Instant Out Radio with James Holland and I'm your host, John Peake. So we are talking about you know sitting down to dinner and having meaningful conversations away is a great ground zero for transforming our lives. So we're not living parallel lives in the same home, but we're actually related. So um what's one input audit step that families can take this week? If a family wants to do a simple input audit before the next show, uh what's a starting point, James?
SPEAKER_03So normally we have them pick like a category, right? So media, food, household products, and just do a quick audit as a family. Right? Read the labels. So if it's on media, be real about how many hours are going towards um you know rage bait or mindless scrolling. If it's on food or product, look at the chemical soup that you can't pronounce. Um remember the less ingredients the better. And then choose one thing to cut and one thing to add. So cut that one show or that half. And add maybe add some worship music during uh dinner prep. Uh cut the soda for a week and add water or or like herbal tea. Um and again direction over perfection. Small course corrections now are gonna set you up for the bigger changes later. And just um really kind of digging in, like having it talking about it as well, not just demanding or or saying, all right, we're cutting this out. This is the plan, all right, this is what we're gonna do. You have to get that input, you have to get that feedback, and and you kind of dive more into it like an after-action review.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah, I get that. You know, a lot of times when um we feed our bodies sugar, for example, you get this big increase in energy and you're like all pumped up, and then all of a sudden, man, you crash, right? And so I know that my kids uh have gotten that, and so I limited a lot of that stuff so they didn't have the swings. But some of those things that your kids will if you have dinner at the table, you can talk to them about these categories, like you're saying, and you know, what'd you have for lunch today at school? And then now be honest, man. You know, you're not in trouble if you did something outside that we don't want you to have, but you're having behind our back. How did it make you feel, you know, when you had a Coke or you know, you you had this maybe you were experimenting with um, you know, these high-powered energy drinks that are packed with sugar and caffeine. And you want to like being able to to like tell you that they're doing some of these things and sharing so that they can be honest and not so fearful of retribution or consequences that they lie to you, you know. So I think the tr the dinner table is a great place for these things to come out. Sometimes you have to open up the door and tell them about your failures, your shortcomings, so that they're more willing to be honest and and encourage them. Listen, I've come to clean with you all the time and uh you're not gonna be in trouble. I may be disappointed in you, but I want you to make the decision on why it wouldn't be good for you to start vaping or depending on how old your kids are, or to take those energy drinks, or try that drug or alcohol, or you know, whatever it might be, you know, opening that phone up to poison uh images and and and even if it's a good thing, you can do too much, right? You can minister avoidance technique where you're like not doing what you should do, but you're still doing something that's good and you're justifying.
SPEAKER_03Yep. We see that as well. And and again, it's it's drawing that out, you know, um that conversation at dinner time. It's it's drawing those questions out of them. So so it's not just saying, all right, well, how was your day? And then you know, maybe you get a a story of of how the day went and then you leave it at that and move on. Ask those follow-up questions.
SPEAKER_06So those follow-up questions, that's what you're calling calling an input audit.
SPEAKER_03Right. Yeah, I was. That's the input audit. And and so that's that follow-up that's going in a little deeper. Uh, and again, like like with you know, and Angel, Angelo will get into a little bit more of it as far as the foods and and health and wellness goes. But ingredients, you know, talk to them about that. You know, show them the like actually look at the back of a can or the back of a box or something and look at the ingredients. Um if you can't pronounce some of that stuff and you don't know what it is, where it comes from, how it's made, you probably shouldn't be putting it in your body.
SPEAKER_06Right. You know, I was talking about this with somebody just the other day about teaching their kids uh about the macros, macronutrients as well as micronutrients, right? Because I think a lot of kids don't realize that some of the stuff they like the best is in the carbohydrates and fat categories of the macros, but not the protein. So you got protein, carbs, and fat, and the kids really need to be able to identify what food products fit in which category. And they may not realize that. The reason my eight-year-old's not putting on any muscle is because he's eating a lot of carbohydrates and fat and he's not supporting muscle tissue and bone growth.
SPEAKER_03Right. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06Digging deep. I like that. So you're kind of doing I think of an input on it as like debriefing after your teaching, right? For example, what about after the meal's fin as the meal's finishing, for example, and you've talked about these things, you could ask you the question, what question did you like best tonight? Or what story did you like that was told the most? And you can like get this feedback for what lights your family up to learning and growing?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's exactly it. And that's where we get them to. So in in generally, when they kind of first get their first week of homework on this, it it it starts off with those simple ones, right? Of of like, well, how was your day? And then when we do the follow-up and say, Okay, how you know how did that go? Right? Or what did you respond to that, right? And because they'll generally tell us the story, we ask them to take notes because we're gonna talk to them about it. Um and then we gotta push them a little more. Okay, this week you're gonna do the same thing, except you're gonna get better at your follow-on questions, right? And then we give them maybe the next week where they're doing just what you said. So at the end of all that, at the end of dinner, now what are you talking about? Talk about how the dinner went. What did you feel about? Maybe maybe an uncomfortable question got brought up. Maybe there was an uncomfortable situation. How did that make you feel? Right? Would you be you know, because you you still have to work through those uncomfortable things. Um if you can't do it with your family, with your immediate family at the dinner table, you'll never be able to do it in in life.
SPEAKER_06The family dinner table and the family environment all together, but especially the dinner table, is such a rich environment for uh teaching and learning and sharing, you know. And I know not everybody wants to share um some of the things that happened to them uh in their life, maybe in their family, maybe after they left the home. Uh, but it's such an important thing to tell your story in various ways that are age appropriate at the right time. Sharing stories is the essence of life.
How To Hear Your Wife
SPEAKER_06Yes, so let's transition to um another uh aspect of it. You know, there's um straight talk to men about what needs to shift in their hearts before they hear from their wives. And you know, we have this idea of having a a simple, clear action plan for the week so that we're ready for conversations and we're ready for the next kind episode that we do with Angela. The man really needs to prepare uh beforehand on how he's gonna be thinking. So, for example, a question what does a man need to understand before he can truly hear his wife? So on our next epile episode, your wife, Angela, is gonna speak directly into what wives and moms are walking through. But from your perspective, what does a man need to understand before he can really hear that?
SPEAKER_03Well, okay, so the first thing, your wife has wounds too, right? That that's that's it, that's an obvious your wife also has wounds. And many of them some of them before they even you even came into the picture. Okay, but there's also the ones from uh kind of holding the house together while you were in survival mode, um, you know, she she carried more than you probably realized and still does. Um so if you go into those those conversations with your wife uh defensively, uh and blaming or minimizing, you're not gonna be listening to her. Uh you're gonna hear her, but you won't be listening to her. You'll you'll just hear the attack. Um, but if you go in knowing that she's been in the fight too, um and that you know you may have contributed to some of those wounds, then you can finally listen instead of defend. And and her honesty isn't uh an indictment of your of your words, it's an invitation to rebuild together, is what it is. And um listening and hearing are two different things. That's a very important thing. There's there's uh there's a word in the Hebrew language, the sh Shema, right? And and you'll see that in in Deuteronomy 6, you know, um Shema O Israel. Um in the way that it's it's translated as hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. Um now that's kind of a really bad translation because the Shema isn't just to hear, it's to do. Right? So you have to listen, you have to hear what's being told, and you have to do. It's an action as well. And so that's kind of what you you need to be doing with your with your spouse. It's it's kind of a Shema thing. You're hearing, you're listening to what they're saying, and then you have to act on that.
SPEAKER_06I love that. I I did a show on that a while back, and it's all about hearing, in other words, understanding, being, being who God called you to be, and then doing so that you can receive all the blessings. So that's powerful. So there's a thing called generous listening as well. Cause a lot of times when we're listening, we're really thinking about what we're gonna say next in response to what we're hearing. And a lot of times we miss great aspects of what's being told to us. And shared but we miss it though because we're thinking about uh our own thoughts and what we're gonna say in response to that. And I know it's sometimes hard to hold your questions or hold your response, but it's so important to listen and be truly listen to the people that you care about the most. They are the most people they should be the most important people in your life is your family. And if you nurture that and uh honor that by giving it the respect that that it does they deserve, then they too are likely to reciprocate that respect and honor. As the head of the house, the spiritual leader, the spiritual leader in the home, it's your responsibility to grow. And a lot of times the woman grows so much faster than the man. They have a desire to grow, and guess what? They have a desire to have a strong leader. And if you as a man are not stepping up to be the leader you God's called you to be, they will step up to lead. And it's a lot of times not very pretty when that woman starts leading uh because she's so frustrated with your leadership. And how you know, none of us as men like to be micromanaged. Give us a task and give us a way to do it. And if I need help, I'm gonna ask, but I don't need you constantly telling me how to do it. Uh but men need to prepare their hearts, don't they?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, absolutely. And again, it's it's part of that, you know, battlefield home. You know, so remember she's not the enemy. Okay, it may seem that way right now, um, because your home is a battlefield, but there you have to de-escalate. Okay. You're the head if you're the head of the home, you have to be able to de-escalate the situation. And a lot of times, oftentimes, that kind of uh it's learning how to listen.
SPEAKER_06That is so good. I heard one of our presidents of the United States, I won't say which one, just because you know I don't want to get into political parties, but it was a very wise statement. He said that he and his wife read the Bible together at the end of every night right before they go to sleep. And they made that a rule because he said it's impossible to read the word of God for any length of time and stay mad at your spouse. Not saying the problems go away, but they put in the right perspective. Well, that if you're thinking about it the right way, you know, when you're reading the word of God, what are you doing? You're actually listening. Yeah, you're saying the words, but you're hearing them, you're processing them, you're internalizing them, and whoever's not reading it is actually doing, you know, the same thing. They're listening. But by reading, we're hearing the word of God. And you can put those words on the write them on the tablets of your heart, you know. And that's actually an old testament biblical uh foundation. And um the Jewish people have a I forget what it's called, but they put it at the edge of their door and it's scripture to remind them of the word of God. Write the word of God on the tablet of your heart, meaning it's so much in the forefront of your mind that you cannot be swayed away from God. And that's one of my prayers is Lord, show me how to be so satisfied for all that you have for me that I won't want other things.
SPEAKER_03I love that. I think um the word that you're talking about, it's right at the tip of my tongue to know what you're talking about. And you can find that in in in Deuteronomy 6, like I was talking about earlier to Shema. Yeah, you'll have the scroll, you'll have the word on your doorpost. That's right. Is what it is. Right. And it's it's a massuda.
SPEAKER_06There you go. There you go.
A Weekly Plan And Humility
SPEAKER_06Well, listen, before we close, let's give listeners a simple plan for this week so that they're ready for the next episode. So what would you tell them to do between now and then, James?
SPEAKER_03Uh you know, just kind of come in as a as a student, right? Not a defense attorney. It's easy to sit and and and try to look for ways to prove things that are that are wrong or prove that you know you're not bad. Just listen and understand um like Angela's perspective of things, and she's a big fighter for the husbands. So I don't think we get it all the time where us really the the spouse, the the the wife that contacts us and says, our family's own apartment now. My veteran, hold on now. It doesn't work that way. It's kind of both of you. She's a huge fighter when it comes to the veterans to the husband. He is kind of your balance intermediator between the the the wife and the and the husband. You know, just be ready to kind of take some off the word, you know, where where have I done this in my own? You know, where do I need to own my heart work? Um humility there is the doorway. Right? And then you kind of go to your own life and say, you know, it's any of the sound like us, you know, let listen like let her listen to it. Um you know, and tell her, you know, I want to hear your heart. You know, and then just from that point, shut up and listen. And that's a very difficult thing for husbands to do, but that's kind of where you can set yourself up for success.
SPEAKER_06That's good, James. I love that, man. So listen, if today stirred something in you, don't wait for the perfect moment. Start with what you can do this week. You know, one meal, one walk, one prayer, one honest conversation, and then join us next week when we have James's wife Angela on, and she's gonna talk about you know how we talk together about strong families, strong bodies, and strong futures, how biblical living and b biblical uh wellness and holistic wellness and uh real world stewardship come together to build your home from the inside out. So thank you for joining us today. Let's close with prayer. Father,
Prayer And Closing Charge
SPEAKER_06we thank you for this word today. We thank you for the teaching, we thank you for James and and I both getting to share our insights and our stories, our testimony, Father. We just ask you to continue to bless this message as it goes out to all these people, veterans and uh families and men of all types and women of all types, Lord, that we can have impact their lives, Lord, from the living from the inside out. We thank you and give you all the glory in Jesus' name, amen. Don't go away. We've got more great uh programming coming up on Patriot Talk Radio, 9 20 a.m. You you can find Living Inside Out with John Peake on Spotify and Apple Podcasts as well. So, James, thank you for being here today.
SPEAKER_03Man, thanks for having me once again.
SPEAKER_06All right, God bless y'all. See you next week.
SPEAKER_01Tune in next week for another edition of the Living Inside Out Radio Show.
SPEAKER_05Living Inside Out isn't a spoken. It's a minute of removement. It's about training leaders on the inside out.