The Surprise Season Between Seasons

Before we jump into Season 2, I wanted to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. When I launched Beautiful Chaos, I thought I was creating a podcast. What I didn't realize was that God was using this season to teach me, stretch me, heal me, and show me parts of myself I still needed to discover.

In this solo episode, I'm reflecting on Season 1 the conversations that impacted me most, the lessons I've learned about motherhood, mental health, faith, friendship, and healing, and why I've decided to take a step back this summer.

Over the last year and a half, I've been on a journey of learning that healing isn't just therapy, medication, or checking a box. It's doing the hard work. It's showing up. It's discovering who you are beyond the roles you play for everyone else.

I'm sharing where I've been, where I'm going, and what's next for Beautiful Chaos.

Thank you for listening, supporting, and growing alongside me. This isn't goodbye it's simply a pause before the next chapter begins. 

In This Episode:

• Reflecting on Season 1
• My biggest lessons from each guest
• Mental health, healing, and self-discovery
• Why I'm taking a summer sabbatical
• Learning who Natasha is outside of being a wife, mom, and friend
• What God has been teaching me in this season
• What's coming for Season 2

Connect With Me:

Follow along on Instagram: @thebeautifulchaospodcast @natashahunterbarnett

New episodes bi-weekly
Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeart
Full episodes on YouTube

Linktree:
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Transcript

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This episode is sponsored by LBL Land and Cattle LLC, your source for the healthiest belted Galloway beef cattle for your table. And remember, always eat beef. This episode is sponsored by Polo Grill. When you're craving a dining experience that feels timeless, refined, and truly unforgettable, there is only one place to go. At Polo Grill in Tulsa, every detail matters. From hand cut steaks and fresh seafood to an award-winning wine list and impeccable service, this is where special moments are made. Whether it's a date night, a celebration, or an evening just because Polo Grill delivers classic elegance with modern flavor. Polo Grill Exceptional Dining. This episode is sponsored by Grazy Girl Creative Luxury Catering and Boutique House, bringing luxury charcuterie, beautiful events, and unforgettable experiences. Friends, if you're looking for an amazing charcuterie and a beautiful place to celebrate, you have to check out Grazy Girl. Their boards are next level, perfect for birthdays, showers, bachelorette parties, girls' night, and special occasions. Their boutique house is stunning and every detail is designed to make your event feel special. They even offer gorgeous Airbnb for stay vacations and girls' weekends. So whether you're planning something big or just want to treat your people, Grazy Girl is the place. Go follow them, book them, and see it for yourself. Trust me, you'll love it. This episode is brought to you by Magnolia Soaps and Bath Co. If you've never been to Magnolia Soaps, it's more than just a store, it's an experience. Everything is clean and made without harsh chemicals so you can feel good about what you're using. They have soaps, bath bombs, body scrubs, laundry wash, candles, really everything you need for your body and your home. A lot of their products are even made right in the store, which makes it feel really personal. They also host girls' nights, birthday parties, and events where you can make your own product, which is such a fun experience. You can visit them on Cherry Street, Willin' Hills Mall, our downtown Broken Arrow, or shop online. Once you go, you'll see why everyone loves it. This episode is brought to you by Party Perfect Events. If you're planning a wedding, Party Perfect is your go-to for making your big day seamless and beautiful. From tents, tables, and chairs to linens, place settings, and a full event setup, they have everything you need to bring your vision to life. Whether you're dreaming of an outdoor ceremony or a fully styled reception, they handle all the details so you can actually relax and enjoy your day. Because your wedding should feel special, stress-free, and completely you. If you're getting ready to say I do, party perfect events has you covered. Go check them out and start planning your perfect day. Welcome to the Beautiful Chaos with Natasha, the space where real life gets a voice. Here we talk about the messy, the meaningful, and the moments that shape us. I am your host, Natasha. A mom, a wife, a creator, a woman doing her best in the middle of the madness. This podcast was born out of the moments I thought would break me. When life felt too heavy, too chaotic, and too lonely. But somewhere in the middle of the struggle, I realized I wasn't the only one. So many women are walking through their own storms, caring stories they've never had a safe place to share. This season, I am sitting down with women who have walked through fire, rebuilt from the ashes, and found healing in places they never expected. Women who are brave enough to tell the truth, the whole truth about motherhood and everything that comes with it. Marriage, mental health, lost identity, and the beautiful mess of real life. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is filtered. This is where we are honest and where we remember we are not alone. So let's dive in and find the beauty in the chaos together. Surprise for the surprise episode of season one. It's just me. I'm gonna be a little honest. I am a little nervous. I haven't done an episode by myself since the very first episode. Ever since then, I've always had someone here with me. So today I just wanted to talk through season one, share some things that happened behind the scenes, talk about what God has taught me over this season, and kind of let you guys know what's next for The Beautiful Chaos. Um, literally, I cannot believe we are here 12 episodes. That is wild. 12 episodes of The Beautiful Chaos with Natasha, 11 beautiful guests. I mean, wild. Wild. And when I started this podcast, I'm not gonna lie, like I wasn't trying to become famous. I mean, I wasn't trying to build like a platform or anything. What I was trying to build was a movement, a movement for women all over the world. And I wanted to do this because I felt so alone in my journey that I knew that the people that I'm around and the people that I know that this could reach to, I have to be the one to speak up. Because something that I realized while starting Beautiful Chaos is that I think I was a little naive. And I'll be honest, I wasn't a little naive thinking I was the only one who thought about this. No, there are hundreds and thousands of women across the world, across the United States, that have gone through what I have gone through, have gone through what you are going through if you are listening to this episode right now. And that is the reason why I did this. Because the more women talk about the taboo, heavy topics, and we are honest, we are blunt, and we don't hold anything back. It's what we need. But the thing that we need to change is the support, and that is something for season two. I really want to focus on is that why is everything in competition? Why do we always try to put each other against each other? Like we can't not not be friends, like it makes no sense to me. Like it's just frustrating. So I think that is something that's been on my heart, and I don't want to have to sit here and argue and fight with people that don't really want to fight. But let's talk about something that was a hot topic on season one. The vulnerability and the things that I think I kind of ruffled some feathers for season one. Um when it comes to talking about trauma, talking about depression, um, talking about friendships in motherhood. I mean, I really do think, excuse me, I really do think that people were kind of shocked with how honest I was going to be. So, like episode one, episode one was my story. Like, I got on socials and I asked you guys, what do you guys want to hear? And every everyone said you wanted to hear my story. And I don't have a beautiful story. I don't. My story is rocky, it is up and down, it is heartbreaking. But like I said in that episode, I overcame so many obstacles that I am still standing, I am still here today and alive. Like I am still pushing forward, I am not giving up. I don't care how hard things get, I am not going to let the people and the trauma and all of the crap that I've been through control my life anymore because it's already controlled my life enough. And something I want to share with you guys is that everyone knows that my mom passed away when I was nine. Everyone knows that. But everyone doesn't know that I never really healed from that relationship. And this past month, my grandpa passed away, my biological mom's dad. And I do not have a relationship with that family. I cut ties, and I know I'm not the only one in the world that has gone through something like that. But I never thought that the family was so severed that they can't even make a phone call and say, you hi, I hate you, I don't like you, but your grandfather died. Just thought I should tell you that. No, I didn't get that. I got a message on Facebook from my ex-uncle and found out on Facebook uh through a post, a picture, whatever. Anyways, the moral of me telling you this is that that brought up so much crap for me. I was spiraling. I was going mentally insane, and I was like going back and forth. I'm like, do I go to the like do I go to the funeral? Do I not go to the funeral? And I just want to say this. Thank goodness, thank you, Jesus, that I was at church when I found out this news because I was with my people, with my community. I was able to have the guidance and the support that I needed in that exact moment because I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't at church when I got that news. So I got the news and I'm processing it all week. I sent flowers, I sent my grandmother a text message. I don't know if she even got the text message, but I did. And then I went to the funeral. I was sitting here in my office editing episode 12, and I just could not pay attention. And I just felt like the Holy Spirit was like nudging me to like, you need to go do this for your grandfather and for your mom. And so I went. I snuck in the back. I sat in the very back row by this wonderful sweet little lady asking me who I was. And I said, I am his granddaughter. And I went. And I was able to say my goodbyes. Did I speak to my family? No, because um my mom taught me that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I just walked my little happy butt up there to the casket and gave my loves to my grandpa, put a picture in his casket, and then I left. But this is the reason I'm telling you the story. I haven't been to my mom's grave in over eight years. And for the first time in eight years, I was able to go to my mom's grave, and I was able to sit down and finally, I'm gonna get emotional. Um, I was finally able to sit down and have a very honest conversation with her. And I also just wanted to make sure that my grandpa's grave was taken care of because they buried him next to my mom, and I just wanted to make sure he was taken care of. And it was, I honestly, I can't even I can't even believe I'm saying this, but like it was so healing and so like I don't even have words to explain, but like how natural like the thought like came over me, and how like I truly feel like Jesus was just pushing me to do it. Like he grabbed my hand and said, I'm walking with you, and we're doing this together. And something that my dear friend Jill said after my grandfather passed away, and I was able to explain like how heavy it is within the family. And she said, What would Jesus do? I mean, guys, we grew up with that, with the bracelets, but what's Jesus do? And I really didn't understand the concept of that until she challenged me. And it was, what would Jesus do if he was in your position in your shoes right now? Like I have the goosebumps talking about this. That changed my whole mindset of the whole situation. So if someone would have told me from episode one to the surprise episode now of me sharing my story, that I would have gone to my mom's grave and it would have been the most healing experience and something that I feel at peace with, I wouldn't believe you. And I know I say this all the time, and you guys can roll your eyes at me. I believe everything happens for a reason. And the sense of peace that I can get from all of this is that my grandpa knows the truth now. And you know what? My mom sees the truth. My grandfather and my mother are in heaven, and they are able to see and know everything, and I am at peace with that, and that makes me feel 100% content of where I was a year ago. Her, I guess, was it a year ago? I don't even know. We saw we started shooting, well, in October. Yeah. But what I will have to say, what I learned from episode one and to now is that I am a completely different person than I was then. I think I was still hurting. I think I was still going not through the motions, but I think I was still trying to grasp the truth on how difficult things were. I was in a new walk in my faith. I rededicated my life, and it has been a beautiful testimony and a beautiful journey ever since. And yeah, it has been a wild ride, but I think the healing starts when we stop hiding. When we stop hiding behind the door, behind the curtain. Step out into the light, show your true colors, show your true scars of what's really going on. So, yeah, episode one, recap. A lot of healing there. Episode two, we had the one and only Miss Kelsey Davis, my little small town TikTok gal. Goodness, I love you, Kelsey, and I cannot be more grateful that she took the chance and came on the podcast as my very first guest of Beautiful Chaos. And, you know, me looking back at that conversation with Kelsey, we talked about stepparents, blended families, all of the things. Something that is not talked about is how difficult it is for the stepmom or stepdad to come into a family. And that was one thing we got a little bit of hate on was how taboo it is. It's not taboo. Let's think about it. Let's be honest, okay? I'm gonna use my parents and my family as an example. My dad and my stepmom are two individual people who fell in love, okay. My stepmom has two kids, and my dad has me and my sibling, okay. It's not these two people's faults that they fell in love with each other. And if people would just grasp that concept, things would be so much easier with blended family, blended families. Like, okay, it didn't work out. Let's move on, let's all be happy for each other. And that is something that I was so proud of Kelsey bringing to light that you know what? I didn't ask for this. Like, I am choosing to be a parent to your child, and I am choosing to live this life. So please stop making it harder on me. And that is something that I wish I would have learned when I was giving my mom, I don't call my stepmom stepmom, but I just have to, just so everyone can understand the how where everyone falls into place. But I wish I was able to understand that then because my mom didn't ask for that. She didn't expect that to happen. And all she did was fall in love with the man, and all he did was fall in love with her. There's two people in love, and all of us crazies are making our life difficult. So recap of episode two family is not always simple, but but it's always worth fighting for. So remember that. If there's any stepchildren out there, and you're giving your parents a hard time, let it freaking go. Let it go because they already have enough crap going on, they don't need you on top of it. Okay, that's all I gotta say about that. Episode three, Ms. Kendall Weldon. I have been following Kendall for years, and I look up to her so much, and she came on the podcast and we talked about comparison. We talked about how easy it is to compare our lives to these influencers' lives, and I know there was multiple conversations about that on this season, but I don't think people understand when it's a mom comparing her life to others. For example, I remember, and I even talked about it in our episode, I remember a pivotal moment where Kendall was recording her daughter Stevie pronouncing animals, okay? And I was like, oh my gosh, Rowan doesn't know how to do that. Like, is there something wrong with my child? Like, I just remember that such a vivid point of view, and that guys let your children be and give yourself some grace, like give yourself some slack, mamas. And something I do want to give Kendall credit for, and something that I really loved about her episode, is that she was very honest. She was as honest as you could get. And I called her out on a couple of things. Well, not called her out, but I was like, hey, she just likes material things, and that's far from it. That's so far from it. I've gotten closer with Kendall over the last year. Um, she's a mentor for me, and I just am so grateful that she's in my life and she's in my circle. So um getting to learn and get to know more about her and shed light on the judgment side of that, of what she's built, because what she's done, what her family's done, has rocked some people's world. And for me to be able to give her the opportunity to shed light on, letting you guys know, like, okay, I love my Louvre Vuitton, but I'm gonna go get on the back of my four-wheeler and go back row and go dirt biking, or whatever the case may be. She's not scared to get her hands dirty, and I respect a woman like that. Then episode four. Episode four was uh this recap is so funny because me and Tiffany, Tiffany is one of my dear friends, and she battles bore uh bipolar disorder, and I battle borderline personality disorder. And when we made this episode, I was so nervous and so scared to talk about my borderline because in that moment I haven't accepted it. I haven't accepted that I do have that I was still fighting that diagnosis. Um, but I mean, I did get on the podcast and talk about it a little bit. But I mean, I didn't, I'm not. Accepting of it as I was as I am today. So if you go back and watch that episode, you can tell me and Tiffany are a little uncomfortable. I was so nervous. She was nervous. That was like the first time we were talking about our mental illnesses in a public platform. I mean, I literally told my family, I was like, it was so easy for me to get on here and talk about this naked photo that I had in my sophomore year, but I can't talk about my mental illness. And it was because that was such a long time ago. And what I'm battling now is what I'm battling now. And there's such a stigma behind borderline personality and bipolar. And that is something that I'm very grateful that Tiffany came on and shared her journey in that because it gives us moms that are battling a personality disorder, and we're a mom on top of that. It just shows the truth of what we are battling every day. And I wish people that don't have mental illnesses are a personality disorder, that you don't judge us because I don't think you guys understand that something as easy as that is something easy for you is not as easy for us. So I am very grateful for Tiffany and her sharing her testimony. And what I learned in that episode, me like reflecting back, is that being honest is stronger than pretending. This episode is brought to you by Magnolia Soaps and Bath Co. If you've never been to Magnolia Soaps, it's more than just a store, it's an experience. Everything is clean and made without harsh chemicals so you can feel good about what you're using. They have soaps, bath bombs, body scrubs, laundry wash, candles, really everything you need for your body and your home. A lot of their products are even made right in the store, which makes it feel really personal. They also host girls' nights, birthday parties, and events where you can make your own product, which is such a fun experience. You can visit them on Cherry Street, Woodland Hills Mall, our downtown Broconero, or shop online. Once you go, you'll see why everyone loves it. This episode is sponsored by Grazy Girl Creative Luxury Catering and Boutique House, bringing luxury charcuterie, beautiful events, and unforgettable experiences. Friends, if you're looking for an amazing charcuterie and a beautiful place to celebrate, you have to check out Grazy Girl. Their boards are next level, perfect for birthdays, showers, bachelorette parties, girls' night, and special occasions. Their boutique house is stunning and every detail is designed to make your event feel special. They even offer gorgeous Airbnb for stay vacations and girls' weekends. So whether you're planning something big or just want to treat your people, Grazy Girl is the place. Go follow them, book them, and see it for yourself. Trust me, you'll love it. This episode is sponsored by Polo Grill. When you're craving a dining experience that feels timeless, refined, and truly unforgettable, there is only one place to go. At Polo Grill in Tulsa, every detail matters. From hand cut steaks and fresh seafood to an award-winning wine list, an impeccable service, this is where special moments are made. Whether it's a date night, a celebration, or an evening just because Polo Grill delivers classic elegance with modern flavor. Polo Grill, exceptional dining. Like, why was I scared to talk about it? Like, okay, yeah, I had borderline personality disorder. I'm crazy. Okay, cool. Now I know why I am the way I am. Dr. Shrum is such an inspiration to me. She's such a godly woman. Oh my gosh, I'm getting emotional. And she took a leap of faith and she uh came on this podcast. And not knowing what this is, they all did, all my beautiful guests today, they have no idea what this was going to be. And they all took a leap of faith for me. But one thing I learned with that um episode with her is that you can do anything that you set your mind to, and anything you give to the Lord, because it is so real and it is so true that you are able to do anything that you set your mind to, and the Lord will push you through. And Dr. Shrama, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Like she was, she was truly, truly an amazing, an amazing woman and with amazing style. We cannot forget about the style, guys, okay. I want to get into her closet so bad. So, Dr. Strom, if you're listening to this, I still need to come over and do what's in your closet, um, because that's what the people are asking for. So we need to make that happen, okay? So let's make that happen. Please. So I just want to preface this that I thought this damn thing was recording this whole time. The audio was recording on my phone. It was not. So yay. So we'll figure that out later, but I'm I'm such a newbie at this. I gotta get a new phone. Anyways. Recap episode six. Episode six was an episode that I will forever remember. So Elizabeth and I have known of each other. We have been acquaintances, um, we went to the same high school until I moved schools, and I always thought she was beautiful. And she reached out to me. She said, Um, I see your growth, I see that you're growing within the Lord, and um, I see that we're in like possibly in the same season of life together. And she wanted to go to breakfast. So I was like, absolutely, because I'm still in the season of friendship transitions and finding my community and all of that. It's been an interesting year of doing that. Um, but we went to lunch, I went to breakfast, we went to breakfast, and she shared her story about her son, and it was beautiful. Her son is profoundly deaf. She had no idea, no regulation, there was nothing, there's no um ear loss on any side of the families, and he was one of the few, and I was just so shook and so happy that I was able to be someone that she was able to share her story because the motherhood journey that she had to go through is not like everybody else's, and something that I learned from that episode is that God always has a plan, He always has a plan. You know, she she needed that reminder, she needed that grace, and I'm just so thankful that the Lord brought her into my life, and um so so blessed to call her a friend, and she is an inspiration to all of us moms, and she brought so much awareness to this community that the fact I don't remember the statistic now, but the fact that only like 15% or 20% of hearing parents learn ASL. Learn how to communicate with your child, and that is sickening. That is disgusting to me. And that when she told me that at breakfast, I will never forget that. I literally looked at her, I stopped in my tracks and said, You're coming on the podcast. I don't care. I don't care when you want to do it, I don't care how we do it, you're coming on the podcast. So that was something that really resonated with me as a mom, and something that I think we all need to remember that we're all going through something. All of our motherhood journeys are different. You've got no freaking clue what that mom is going through. And I'm grateful of her bravery, her strength, and I commend everything that her and her husband have done for their son. And I am just grateful that I get to be a witness of it, and I'm grateful that she came on the podcast to share her story. So that is the recap of episode six. Um episode seven. My dear friend Tiffany came back on because I wanted to give her she deserved that episode. Okay, if you go back and listen to our episode, episode four, I would not let this poor lady talk. Like, I love you, Tiff, but I am so sorry. No, but no, go back and listen to episode four again. Like I said, we were so nervous. So she came back on for episode seven, and we really talked about the stigma of being a one-time, being a one and done mom. Like we're both only just having one children, one child, and the stigma and the hate that you actually get behind that is actually mind-boggling. Like it's actually crazy how people think it's selfish to bring a child into this world and not give him a sibling. You want to know what I think is selfish? And I said this on the episode, and I'll say it again. It's selfish for you to bring a child into this world, innocent human beings, and you can't even take care of them. We have people out here popping babies out left and right, multiple babies, getting on welfare, getting on DHS, food stamps, living out, you know what, and you're gonna judge me. We're not doing that. So that is something that I took away from that episode is me and Tiffany being brave and sharing that, you know what? Hey, we're one and done, and our family is complete. Lincoln is great, Rowan is great, and these babies are going to be spoiled, loved, and well taken care of. And one day, like I said in the episode, we will be able to explain to our kids why they are why they are an only child. The judgment and the stigma behind people being one and done is ridiculous. Like build a bridge and get over it. Okay? Because it's not your mental health. I can't believe Rowan's gonna be four years old now, but after going through everything I've gone through with my motherhood journey and where I am today, I mean, yeah, I'm one and done, and I will die on that hill. And kumbaya to that. So cheers to me and Tiffany being one and done, and cheers to all of the moms and dads who have decided to be one and done as well. Let's all have a party together. So, yeah, that is what I learned in episode seven with Tiffany is that me and her made a decision, picking my nose, made a decision that's best for our family and best for our mental health. And I don't think that's selfish. If you think that's selfish, I think you need to go sit in the corner and think about what you did. Episode eight with Miss Kimberly Hara. Let me tell you guys about Miss Kimberly. I met her through my church. She was a speaker at a daughter's event that we do once a month at my church, and her story. If you have not gone back and re first read her book and heard her testimony, I'm going to desperately beg you to go listen to episode eight and buy her book because oh my gosh, the things that woman has gone through, and the fact that she is still standing on the other side, and how and how her faith is so strong is admirable, and something that changed my life forever. And ironically, the day that we recorded our episode was the day that my mother passed away. And I was like, that is not a coincidence. Like, that is Jesus, like that is the Lord working. And also in the episode, we talked about healing and forgiveness and how to move forward when you've been hurt by someone that you have lost. For example, like she was hurt by her ex-husband, and she never got to be able to look at him and say, I forgive you, and I never got to look at my mom and say, I forgive you. But then she said in the episode, what are you forgiving? Have you thought about it? Like, have you like when someone's hurt you and if you've gone through a hard time with someone or someone's past and you're angry, what have you done to forgive them? Have you written it down? Do you even know what you're forgiving? Do you even know what you're even wanting to heal from? And that is what I learned from that episode with Miss Kim. Was that because for so long I was carrying the burden of this anger and resentment towards my mom? But when she said that, and if you go back and watch the episode, you'll see like I was like, oh my gosh, it was like a light bulb came on. So go listen to episode eight with Miss Kimberly. She is a phenomenal, godly woman, and I am so thankful that she came on the podcast, and I'm so thankful that she came on and shared her testimony and shared her story, and the work that the Lord is doing in her is something that is remarkable and just shows you the evidence of how amazing our Lord is. And Jesus' name we pray. Amen. That was a great episode. Now, let's recap probably the most spiciest, most controversial episode of season one Beautiful Chaos, The Real Housewives of Broken Arrow. I brought on three of my very best friends, Aaron, Rachel, and Whitley, and we talked about anything and everything. And there were some things that we I had to edit out of that episode because I'm gonna be honest, it was getting very spicy, very spicy, but very good. Um, no, I love them and I'm very grateful for the crazy house here in Brooklyn. We were able to do a special episode featured at that event center here in BA on Main Street. Shout out to Brittany, um, and shout out to my girls. Like, they had no clue what it takes to be on a podcast, so it was kind of nice to show like the people that's in my everyday life, like this is what I'm doing. I'm not just picking up a microphone. And mind you, I would like to say I was so sick in that episode. I was so sick. And I mean, I cannot be more proud of that episode. I remember watching that back and editing it, and I was like, I am just so proud to call these three women my friends. And they all have such different impacts in my life, and they have they are in such different seasons in their motherhood and in their marriages and what they've all been through individually. Um, I thought their willingness and bravery and their support coming on the podcast and for us to talk about our Bravo TV, our trash TV, and oh my gosh, like I didn't even like we're gonna have to take a special episode of Summer House now because of all this Wes and Amanda drama and Sierra and Kyle, like team Kyle, team Sierra, like oh my gosh, like I'm still grasping my head around the fact of all of that. So, you know, that episode was so much fun, and something that I learned from that episode is that you really don't know what's going on behind closed doors with your friends. You really don't. That's why we all have to give each other grace. And I think this episode is when things started shifting with the podcast. I think I was getting the groove of things. I think I was getting more comfortable, and it was getting easier and easier because that was truly a fun one. And it was a little controversial. I mean, we talked about have your kids walked in on you with your husband, did your kids cuss? Like we're talking about his everyday fun things that yeah, but no, it was fun. I really truly enjoyed that episode with my girls, so I love you guys so much. Episode 10. Miss Clara Delay, the sunshine from heaven. I mean, that woman. Oh my gosh. What a blessing that God put her on this earth. And I will die on that heel. If you don't know who I'm talking about, episode 10 is about my dear friend Claire Delay. She is popular on TikTok and Instagram, she's a foster mom, bio mom, and adoptive mom. She is in the foster care universe, and let me tell you, that woman is nonstop for these kids. And I am just shooken by her testimony and the statistics when it comes behind foster care and the rap that it gets. I mean, it really does get such a bad rap. And something she says in the podcast is that everyone's like, oh, they're so lucky to have you. No, they're not lucky to have her. These kids should not be going through what they're going through. Do you guys realize in the Tulsa area that we have actual shelters for children? Do you realize that there are kids, babies, kids that are sleeping in the DHS office? It I I don't know if I even want to go in depth with it because I just get so riled up and I'm so disgusted by it. Um that I'm gonna say I thank God for people like Claire and her husband and her community because these kids don't deserve that. And me learning more and more about the foster care and what she has gone through and what these kids have gone through, it's absolutely absurd. Absurd. And I have to give her all the credit in the world. For example, another update, she still has her teenage boy that she is um fostering. Um, and then she, of course, has her daughter and her adopted son, her other son. And um I think it was Memorial Day weekend. She had all of her family in town, and she got a call with a newborn baby, and she had like clearly like 25 people at her house staying, like her whole entire family, because they're not from here. She dropped everything she was doing and said yes, and went and got that baby from the hospital and brought him home. What? When I saw that on her story, I was like, okay, she is special. And we need more of those people out there. So something that I learned from that episode, especially with my new walk in my faith with the Lord, and is that even in the darkest times the Lord will show his light and his grace and his mercy and his love. And even though in the midst of the chaos and the midst of the drama, we don't know what the reason is. And I commend Clara for not giving up on that because she sees and hears some really hard things. So go watch episode 10. It's a beautiful episode. If you're interested in foster care, it's all in the bio, it's all in the links. Um if that is something that you want to go back and listen to, but that was such a beautiful episode. Then episode 11. With the one and only Hannah freaking Adams. Okay. Hannah Adams was on the beautiful chaos with Natasha. Can I tell you guys that I was so scared that she was gonna back out? I was petrified. But Hannah, I love you. I adore you. You are my Leo's sister. I oh my gosh. She, I mean, there's nothing else to say. She's Hannah Adams. Like, what else do you want me to say? Like, she we talked about friendship, and something that I took from that episode is being a villager. Okay. And being a villager, and what she was saying is that if you want a village, you have to build your village and you have to keep pouring into your village. Like if you have five minutes to call a friend, say, hey, I only have five minutes to talk. How are you? Do it. If you know there's a mom at the school your daughter or your kids go to that needs a little extra help, and make the dinner, make the casserole and drop it off. And that was something that also that my friend Rachel said in episode nine for Real Housewives. So when Rachel said that, really, because I I was like, you're right, you're right. Why do I feel like you're calling me out? And then Hannah said it, and I was like, you're right, you're so right. You are so right. Because again, we're all burnt out, we're all tired, we are all exhausted. And Hannah's episode with her was just tremendous. And she talked about her daughter Miller, who just screamed and cried for a whole year, and she was in the darkest time in her life. And since then, she's had a little boy, she has three beautiful children, and she is so comfortable in her skin, and she is just such a sweet, sweet soul and was hilarious. Oh my gosh, we could have talked all day long, like all day long. And she loves books as much as I love books, and it was just a really beautiful conversation, and it just felt like we've known each other for years, and I think she was nervous. I mean, of course I was nervous because she's like a celebrity here in our town. Um, but I mean, we talk on a regular basis, and um I'm just grateful for that friendship and thank you, Hannah, for jumping off the cliff and coming on to the podcast. And again, like I said, what I learned from that episode was if you want a village, you have to be a villager. And that really resonated with me. So thank you, Hannah, for coming on and sharing your story and um sharing the truth behind friendships and motherhood and how difficult it can be. Um, it felt nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling in that. And uh so yeah. So, season finale, episode 12. I have a little secret to tell you guys. So originally I could not get a hold of Bethany, okay? Because I didn't put two and two together that she was Hannah's sister, or I would have just messaged Hannah or her mom Mickey. And I was like, all right, well, I can't get Bethany to message me, like I can't get her to respond. Um, so I said, All right, Daniel, my husband. I was like, all right, we did that little episode in the airport, everybody loved it, so come on, guys. Let me tell you, I fired him, okay? Nothing was working, nothing was recording, it was just a nightmare. So, anyways, you know, we're like, you know what? Excuse me. We're like, anyways, we're just going to not do this today. We're gonna do it again. I kid you not. The next day, the very next day, I get an email from Miss Bethany Morris. We're clapping, and Daniel got home that night and I said, You're fired. I was like, I'm sorry, babe, this is you're fired. This is a business decision. Uh Bethany wants to come on. She has she's an inspiration to all of us, moms, let me tell you. Um, and yeah, so Bethany came on, and something that I want to preface about this episode is that Bethany was so real and so raw, and spoke as much as she possibly could on the circumstances that she is in right now in her life, that we all need to get behind her and support her and support these kids and let her know that she's not alone. And Bethany, we adore you. You brought so much light into this room and so much heart into the truth behind divorce, truth behind building a platform on social media, the truth behind mom guilt. Because if you're not a mom, you don't understand mom guilt, and you don't understand anything until you are a mom. And I will die on that heel until I am blue in the face. And something that I respect most about Bethany is that she's real, and all of her influencing and everything that she's been through, she keeps it real 100%. She's not lying. She's going through a really hard time right now, and she's in a phase of her life changing. So, in the midst of that, everyone just needs to get off her back and let her be. So, as we sit here and we get talk about season one of Beautiful Chaos, I think there's a lot of heavy topics, a lot of controversial topics, a lot of uncomfortable things that we don't want to hear. And something I want to be honest about is while Beautiful Chaos looked amazing on social media, but there were moments behind the scenes that were really hard for me. I'm gonna be very honest, very transparent. I've been off more that I can chew. It was a lot. Um, I mean, balancing motherhood, the recording sessions, the editing, the sponsorships, my marriage, my burnout, my church community, my church commitments, and my full-time job and my daughter and all of the things. Um, I hit a wall. So after we wrapped episode 12, I made a decision that I was gonna take a step back for the summer. That was not the plan. We were immediately we were gonna take a two-week break and then immediately go into season two, and I just couldn't do it. I was just exhausted. I was trying to be everything for everybody, and I think I put the weight of the world on my shoulders for this podcast to be so successful and to prove all of my haters wrong. Because let me tell you, haters, all of you haters out there, all of my staplers that people are like, oh my god, she put a stapler on her Amazon wishlist. Look where I'm at now. After everything, I've just want to just take a beat. And the Lord really got a hold of me and said, You got to really slow down. You gotta slow down, you gotta stop. And the biggest lesson that I learned in all of this is that I don't have to be perfect for everybody because I'm not perfect. I don't have to be a perfect Christian, perfect mom, perfect wife, because you know what? We're human and we make mistakes every single day. And we are practicing Christians, we are practicing every single day. And that is what I am learning in this season of life. And I think people didn't realize that I was on a growth journey through this of the beautiful chaos, and now sitting here and doing this episode for you guys, everything makes complete sense. And I am so proud of this season, and I'm so proud of the women that came on, and I am so excited for this next season of my life. Um like I said, if you compare the woman who recorded episode one to the woman that is recording this episode today, she is different. Not because life got better or easier, or I have decided to take a break. It's because God has been so faithful through all of this and really showed me things that I am just so proud of and I'm so excited for. So let's talk about this elephant in the room, this Tasha sabbatical that I posted about. Yes, I am taking a sabbatical. I am exhausted. I am taking a step back. I want to spend my summer with my child, with my husband, with my friends. I do not want to spend the summer feeling like I have to document every single thing for content. I just want to live my life right now. And I think, no, I don't think, I know that is what the Lord is calling me to do. So that is what I'm gonna do. That is exactly what I'm gonna do. And I am truly grateful for everyone's grace and understanding. And season two is coming, guys. It's coming, but I need to be ready for it, and I don't want to rush it. I don't want to half butt it. I want to be able to give it my all and give it what it deserves, not just for me, but for you, for my sponsors, for my listeners, for my community. So, yeah. And again, we would not be here today if it wasn't for my sponsors. I mean, my sponsors, I love you guys. And thank you so much for jumping on this bandwagon with me. And my team, Will, Michaela, Kylie, Les, Tiffany, Michaela, we have two Michaela's. These people took a chance on me. They took a chance on their beautiful chaos, and I am forever grateful for that. And my family, my husband, my daughter, my parents, my sister, my friends, my church family. Um, wow, what a roller coaster it has been. It has been, there has been some low lows, and there's been some high highs. I mean, hell, I went viral, guys. Okay, I went viral. I think I have over like 4.something million views. And it has helped me. And I never thought a million years that would be the video that went viral, but it is, and I'm proud of it. And I'm proud of this season, guys. I really put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears in this season, and we had an amazing 11 episodes with amazing women who came on and took a leap of faith for Beautiful Chaos. And if you ever listened to even one episode, thank you. If you shared one episode, thank you. If you sent a message or a text message saying, I thought I was the only one, thank you. Because that is my beautiful chaos excess. It's not to be perfect, it's not to have all the answers. It's to re remind women that we're not alone. And I want to leave with this. That your story matters, your struggles matter, your healing matters, your faith matters, and your chaos does not disqualify you. In fact, sometimes the very thing you think God can never use becomes the exact thing he uses to help someone else. And I am just so grateful to so, with all that being said, thank you for being a part of season one. Take care of yourself this summer, love your people well, spend time with Jesus, make your memories, and remember that the beautiful, the beauty is always in the chaos. And I will see you guys all in season two. Bye guys. This episode is sponsored by L Bell Land and Cattle LLC, your source for the healthiest belted Galloway beef cattle for your table. And remember, always eat beef. This episode is sponsored by Polo Grill. 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