The Wildcard Era

When life feels uncertain, change your mindset. Alyse dives into what it means to be in your "Wildcard Era", aka a period of time that feels uncertain but is actually full of possibilities. Whether your moving, starting a new job, going through a break up, or even feeling a little directionless, these growing pains are known as your "wildcard era" and your wildcard era could end up being the most exciting era of your life. 

Transcript

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If any part of your 20s has not been what you envisioned due to external factors, you may be entitled to financial conversation. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Go Get Hers. I am just gonna go ahead and confront the elephant in the room. And that is my talking speed. I either you love her or hate her, I typically watch things in two times speed. And my parents always told me that I talk fast. And I always assume their listening was just slow. But if I talk slow, then I say um a lot. And if I talk really fast, then I don't say um, and I feel like I get my thoughts across and what I want to say across. Another thing that I kind of want to confront or clarify from the last episode, because I realize it came off as this, and I do this quite frequently, is that I have a very present father. I want that to be very clear. My parents have been married for like 40 years. My dad is very, very present. And that is actually the reason why I have extremely high standards, is that he has never disappointed me ever. He has always given me whatever I needed. He was the provider for our family and still is. I mean, even when I go home, he's like, do we put gas in your car? Um, do you want me to do do like you're going out to dinner tonight? Do you want me to dinner before? Are you eating later? Like, he is on top of it and is the sweetest human being ever. And so I just want to clear that up because I feel like I always say my mom, but my mom is is the primary parent. You know how there's a primary parent? My mom is that primary parent, and I talk to her 16 times a day, and she's my best friend. So I always say my mom. Because too, like, you know when on Christmas, when you get your presents when you're younger, and your mom just kind of looks to your dad, or your dad is seeing what you got for the first time as well as you are. That's like how my family operates. Like my mom tells my dad stuff, but then he sees it for the first time in person, or she just like relays the message. So I just want to clear that up before we start the episode because I don't want to leave my man rolling out. I love that man. He literally is the best person ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. And um, yeah, that's why I have extremely high standards. So I just want to clear that. So, um, I don't actually even want to dance around the subject and kind of want to get also straight into this topic. At the end of the episode last week, I dropped this wild card era phase. And if you can't tell, I'm like a 15-year-old girl trapped in a 31-year-old and a half's body. And I think that's what keeps me optimistic and fun. A wild card is obviously an ode to Uno, which is one of my favorite games. And you'll notice I have a lot of um good analogies to movies and games, and I've noticed that I do that, especially too when I talk about my metabolism when I turn 30, that it's like the Titanic after already hit the iceberg, and they like stopped and tried to reverse or slow down um the speed. And that's how it feels when you turn 30 for your metabolism. Could it, it might just be me, can't maybe not won't be everyone, but I always tell people that's how I envision mine. And then the other reference, too, is when I started the podcast, or when I didn't really tell anyone I was starting a podcast, was that um the scene from Princess Diaries, and she's like, if I'm not enough of a freak, let's add a tiara. And that's how I feel about all the different tasks I decided to add to my plate. So back to the wildcard era. I can put the phrase last week after a huge mindset shift. I feel like there's so many things going on in the world, and there's been so many things going on in the world for 10 years. I graduated in 2016, it is now 2026. I am you guys know, 31 and a half. And just even post-COVID has been interesting to say the least. Like there are, you know, goals I had in mind of owning a house or even living in Chicago. Like, I don't have a car, but would I like a car? Yes. Can I afford a card realistically? No, because of the rent and the parking and all these other things. And that's just not in the card to me right now. And that is okay, but that's not something I typically didn't visualize me not having when I was younger. You know, like I had a checklist. I mean, when I was younger, I did say, Oh, I'm a mayor by 24 and my first kid by 27. I was like, I want to be married for two years first to give us some time to like be married, and then I'm going to um yeah, have two kids, maybe four. I'm gonna be a doctor. And like I just complete completely made a 180, and that's okay. And I'm okay, I'm really happy with my life right now. But it is the idea of these things or these boxes that you thought you were gonna have, or you were gonna check off at least. I didn't even some of these things too, I don't even know what age. I just thought I would probably have them by now because also in my mind I thought 30 was so old. But so I was every once in a while, I do crash out about that. I'm like, where's my lake house? Where's my my Porsche? Like, these are things that I want and still don't have, and that's okay. And I'm probably will have them one day. I've hope in that. But as any other person does, especially a type A control freak, does is that you crash out every once in a while because you feel like you're not living up to your potential. So after I kind of had a mindset shift, I do most of my thing in the shower. That is when I come to and kind of brainstorm. I actually thought about putting like a Sharpie or one of those um expo markers in my shower to write down my ideas because by the time I get out of the shower, the idea is lost on me. I had the mindset shift in the shower. And I think I touched on this before, but I did used to kind of be type B, maybe type C, like the one that's kind of both put together. And it wasn't really until COVID that I feel like I really latched on and trying to focus on things I could control while the world was out of my control. And I know that was a coping mechanism that has since, you know, snowballed into who I am today. But I've since found that I love being type A. And I don't think there's anything wrong with being type A or type B necessarily, as much as I seemingly shit on type B people. But again, I love whatever works for whoever. I just don't necessarily like when that affects me, I guess. So, but being type A has made me so more conscious of the things that I want in life. And being type A has made me more confident in my decisions because I know that I'm the one making them. And that is such a powerful thing to realize and know. I do feel like to a degree, I am in control of my destiny and in my decision making, despite other people trying to do that for me. And I still kind of believe this. This might be a little wild. You might be like, this is where you're about to lose me. I used to say to people that if you one day told me that I actually lack autonomy and my life has been a whole Sims game, I would believe you. Still, honestly, I still have to believe it that it's not that far-fetched. You know, we think we have autonomy, but not that much. And I think this is a whole nother scary conversation about do you or do you not have autonomy? Because I think in a capitalist society, to a degree, we actually don't have don't have as much autonomy as we think we do. Back to the Sims game. I do think that if you told me that someone was like controlling me all the time, I would believe you. Like I think my maker, whoever's controlling me, they could be a little, you know, let's smotherload this bitch and give me some more money. Other than that, I'm Gucci. But I again find strength in knowing, though, that I feel like I am in control of my life and make conscious decisions. And where I am today is because I have made those conscious decisions and made intentional decisions to put myself here. And if I learned anything in my 20s, is that life can change on a dime. Like if any part of your 20s has not been what you envisioned due to external factors, you may be entitled to financial compensation. I don't think people gravely realize, sit down and realize how much post-COVID has changed the trajectory of our life. How one decision in 2016 has affected 10 years of our lives, you know, and I'm not, that's all I'm gonna say. Things of that nature, how they have changed the trajectory of our world and how the world just feels so scary at the moment, especially. And there's just feels like there's always something going on. And every time you go online, it's always another life event. This one person actually went on a tangent on TikTok and talked about how all these things that's happened before we're 40. And I don't necessarily think that's normal, but your wildcard era is literally when anything can happen. Things aren't set in stone. The outcome could literally be anything, and it could be one specific era of your life or across multiple ones. Like you could be graduating college and about to move to a new city and applying for jobs. You don't know where that job could take you, who you can meet, what network you could create. Like that's a wildcard era. Like that area is not set in stone yet. Um, and even too, I think about how this time last year I was telling all my friends that I was moving back to Michigan. This would have been my last week in this apartment if I would have gone through with that. Isn't that crazy? I realized that today. My lease was going up or ending March 10th, and that's just crazy to think. And I'm thinking, like, but what was I gonna move back to Michigan and do? Which I could have been, you know, moved into a new apartment, or I had actually planned to move back in with my parents for a minute for a couple months, and I wanted to look for a house. Or I, you know, closer to the time or before I decided not to, I was thinking about just getting an apartment in like the Royal Oak area, if you're familiar with Michigan, or like the Berkeley Birmingham area or something, just to, you know, kind of live the same lifestyle, but be back in Michigan and closer to my family. There are a couple of things that made me rescind that decision. And I'm so glad that those things opened my eyes to being like, this is not the mood for me at the moment. But I know too, the basis of that move or the thought of wanting to move was because what I wanted to do and what I thought I should be doing were not adding up. And what I thought I should be doing was what I said. I should be having a house, having a car. Like I wanted something that was mine that I owned, because I don't own an apartment. I rent an apartment, which is great. And and renting an apartment gives me such amazing free will, right? And two, as a single woman living also by herself, when a blind falls down, I can call just call Mr. Man and come fix it. When my window is leaking air, Mr. Man, come fix it. When um my toilet seat is broken for whatever reason, Mr. Man, come fix it. And I love that freedom of being able to do that, that someone else retrieves my packages. I get an email, I can go down and get it. Like those things ease my life. And not that I couldn't get that in another apartment, but I definitely want to get that in the house. And I also realize I don't really want to own a house by myself. I don't actually don't want that type of responsibility. Could I do it and would I do it and step up and probably have fun? And do I want to renovate a house one day? Yes. But is that really actually what I wanted, or what I felt like society was pushing me to have just to prove something to someone? Absolutely. And I'm glad that I came to that conclusion and didn't make any large life decisions around that. And then two, like I'm like, okay, I move back to Michigan too. I gotta buy a car. If Elise gets a car, Elise's getting a Porsche. I'm telling you that right now. I'm getting a Porsche. And I'm like, okay, and I want that Porsche in the driveway. But I'm like, okay, but there's all these things too. Then when I saw where my finances were going last year, in terms of like, yeah, I'm saving up for it, but it's still not what I want it to be. And I need a little bit more time. Hence moving into my parents' house in the beginning, I was like, I actually don't want that middle ground. Like, I don't want that adjustment, period. And that was just something that I had to be honest with myself about. And so I'm glad that I was honest about that and came to the decision to stay in Chicago for at least another year. But as I said, wildcard era. Your wildcard era could be anything right now. My wildcard era is that I actually don't have really much set in stone. I could, I'm locked into my leaves for another year, but I could travel anywhere, go anywhere. I am not married yet, and I don't think I've met my future husband yet. I can meet him tomorrow. I don't know, right? It's wild card. I literally don't know. And there's something so actually exciting about that. Me and one of my friends, we went out the other night. She made me realize she's like, I think the reason why I'm so excited for you to get married is because we don't know who it is. Like it's almost, again, here I am with the it's like the episode of Bridgerton. We we don't, we don't know who the people are yet. For people who haven't read the books, I don't know. Like, I truly, I don't know. And that's actually super exciting. Um, I don't know where I'm gonna end up living full time yet because like Chicago has always been a middle ground for me or just like a stepping stone when I first moved here. I never knew what I never thought that I was gonna live here forever. I didn't even know I was gonna move here. I really had any no feeling or thought to even move here until I came with that one ex-boyfriend. And this is what I mean too, about how something happens that lines you know, like the synchronicities of life that something has to happen for something else to happen, like it's a domino effect. I would have never moved here. That was never on my bingo card to move here. And now I've been here going on nine years. Like, and that is insanity to me. And if the least, that graduated college. Like I made intentional decisions with as much information I was giving, but also was taking a risk to a degree. I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was gonna land, but it was a wild card. And when you give a wild card, you know, it could be a draw four, could be a draw two, change the color. Like you can do what you never know what the next person's gonna say. Isn't that exciting? And then you get all like nervous. You know, you were in the sitting there when you're sitting there playing Uno and you have three reds, right? And no one knows you have three reds and so on, and the person in your next, let's say it's two players, right? And so everything you put down, it comes right back to you. So you can have a skip, reverse, and then a three, and then they're like red, skip, reverse, Uno, three, and you win. And before the person even says the color, obviously they're cheesing, like trying not to give it away that I want a certain color, you know, but how invigorating of a feeling is that? And maybe I take Uno too seriously, but that's literally how the wild card era feels. So you don't know. Um, and then two, like I don't know where I'm gonna live, I don't know who I'm gonna marry. Well, the podcast pops off. I don't know. Like I'm I'm also dipping my foot in, like I have a full-time job, but I'm dipping my foot in two other areas like content creation and podcasting. That I don't know where either of those two go. I could, I never know what video could blow up or what can make me known or notoriety, whatever. And that is so freeing and exciting. It's scary. And again, as a control freak, it's scary. But the mind shift that I had was that no, this is actually the coolest thing that could happen to me. Do I wish that maybe this was going on when I was like 26? Yeah. Just because I feel like I have more time to figure it out. But also, too, I think at in your 30s, you kind of have more of a sense of self to know that you're where you're supposed to be. Like it's I one of my friends, too, for people who haven't turned 30 yet, and you hear people say, 30s are amazing. They truly are. Like, well, my friends turned 30 the November before I turned it. And so she was saying, Elise, we never cared, right? Like we're we've always been those girls that like didn't really care. And and you know, we're pretty honest, brutally honest to a degree. She's like, but when you turn 30, something just lifts off of you. She's like, I literally can't explain it that something you just stop carrying altogether. Like she's like, I live for me and I am honest to a fault to me. Things weren't great, I stopped saying they were great. If things weren't good, I stopped saying they were good. I didn't understand it, but now I understand it. And it truly is just a thing that happens. And it's just so amazing. But I say all this to say that if you are in an era or a part of your life where you don't really know where life is going or you're unsure about something, or you know, there's an area of your life you don't feel fulfilled in yet. Honestly, be excited about that. Try to shift your mindset into being like, as long as you know you're working towards the outcome being what's right for you and what fits you, know that there is such a freeing feeling in knowing that anything literally could happen any day, right? Like you never know how your life can change. And literally, I've talked about how I'm in therapy. I told you the week. I was crashing out, crashing out. And literally, my therapist, I told her this this theory. She was like, This is not what you were saying last week. And my therapist is, I think, maybe like two years older than me. So we're like homegirls, basically. So it is funny that she's like, you know, this was not the tune the week before. Um, and I love that for me. I love that for us because I feel like I can give that wisdom that people also honestly, probably what people have been telling me for a while, right? That I I that I had to come to terms with my myself. And that especially my mom had to be like, I've been telling you that you're, you know, you're good, like you're you're living life and I'm happy for you and all those things put together. So And then too, I mean, I again this can I think the wildcard era, what's cool about it is that it can apply to anything. So whether again, you're moving to a new city after graduating college, or maybe you and your husband are about to start trying for a kid and you've never been pregnant before. You don't know what the gender or sex of your baby's going to be. Um, like that's exciting to find out. Or maybe you're thinking about moving in general, or maybe like you want to study abroad, or you want to maybe move somewhere for a summer. What whatever. Like there's just so much to life that we don't know yet because there's so many things not set in stone in different areas of our lives that being in the in-between can feel, again, scary, but there's something so cool about it that there's it gives us something to look forward to, is what I'm trying to say. I'm just I'm really trying to find the small, small hopes and the small things in such like a crazy world at the moment. And we can only control so many things. And that's the one thing that I've learned. And so I think focusing on what you can control and what you actually can change in order to change your life and where it goes, because we truly only I do believe in reincarnation, but I also do think to my knowledge, I only have one life. So I'm gonna do whatever I want to do with it. One thing too, when I'm feeling stuck about what I want or want to put like my goals into perspective, I do this thing on Pinterest where I make monthly boards and I make it a widget on my phone and I rotate them out every month. So I know what my goals are or what to like focus on. And I'm gonna read you guys my ones from this month or what the ones say. One of them is my bank account grows every day because I am on a saving spree. I'm a more intentional money journey. Um, and as a girl who Klarna me and her, I literally posted this the other day. I was like, I just pay off the devil, parentheses Klarna, because I would Klarna anything. And the thing about Klarna is that you keep doing it, you'll owe$300 a month. Okay. And that's coming out of my budget and my everyday money that I could be doing literally anything else with. And then at the end of the month or then halfway through the month, I'm like, where'd all my money go? You know, then I act confused. So that was a bad habit. Um, my brain will touch one million. I have never had a post reach one million views. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I would like that to happen one day. Oh, these are not wait, shut the fuck up. I'm dumb. Okay. These are these are my ideas. Those are my ideas for the board. Those are my actual things I've pinned. Here are the actual things I've pinned. Intentional spending. Attract high-end clients. So in terms of content, um, these girls cheersing at a table. I would like to do a girls' dinner. She designed a life she loved, yes. Uh some podcast mics with coffee, yes. Self-doubt is so out, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. May you never lose the drive to pursue the things you love, no matter how bumpy the rogue gets. Absolutely. Stop caring about being judged by the most basic lame human beings on earth. Period. Let this be the year when everything meant for you finds its way to you. Absolutely. Financial stability, I've already said that. I'm the one thing in life I can control. Period. Period, period, period. What I just said. Uh, you are the brand. Yes. Uh, some weights. I've been in my workout era. I actually, Asia was when she was on the podcast, she was like, you need to stop being scared of going to the gym. I went into my weight room in my building the other day. I did it for four minutes. Um, and she told me that wasn't gonna mount to anything, but you gotta start somewhere. So I'm proud of myself for that. Uh, some flowers on a car seat because spring's coming. Lock the F in. Absolutely. It's not falling apart, it's falling into place. Wildcard era energy, patience, consistent. Patience, consistency, dedication, absolutely. 2026 is my business year, period. Um, God, if I am not where I need to be, I pray you leave me there. Absolutely. And then may this chapter be the best one written for you yet. See, all optimism. I feel like last episode I was a little negative, so I really sincerely apologize for that. I don't know why that was. And I feel like this, I feel I feel like this episode I'm a little bit more joyful and hopeful. But as I said, I mean the mindset shift. And as woman living in a patriarchy, I feel like that is something that's going to happen quite quite often and quite frequently, is the change in mindset. Like not everything can be all rainbows and butterflies, but I mean the name of the podcast is Go Get Hers for a reason, right? Go-getters. It's a play on the word go-getters. It is a way of making your reality be what you want it to be. And that is whether you need to have boundaries in your friendships and surround yourself with better friends and reflect on, you know, the hard things of being friends and the evolution of friendships. Or whether it's um, you know, finding the small, the joy and the small things in the journey, in the struggle, it's the climb. Smiley Cyrus always says. Speaking of reflection, actually, I want to emphasize and highlight literally the most important thing I've learned since being in my 30s, or I think something that clicks really at 28, 29. And I've maybe said this before that I don't think I think that we need to revisit how when your frontal lobe develops. I don't think it's 25. I think with all the social media and all these things that we're consuming and all these other people's ideals, that it should be reevaluated. And I think it's more like 28, 29, even. But the most important thing that I've learned in being an adult, I guess, and by adult, I'll say again, by since 28, I guess, that I think about literally all the time and every day. And that's really a grounding force, especially when things are uncertain, is that two things can exist at once. You can literally live in the gray. The gray doesn't mean you have to be one or the other, or you don't have to be put in a box. And as someone that I feel like has never really conformed or been in a box, period. Um, I think that's one of the most important things you'll ever learn, and one of the most freeing things you can ever feel that I might not live my life how someone else wants me to, or take a path that everyone thinks that I should be taking. And that's okay. I might not approach things how people think I should approach it. My level of thinking is different than other people's. Um, my opinions don't have to be the same as other people. I can have opinions on differing sides of the spectrum and not feel guilty about having those opinions because I know that doesn't necessarily define me and that doesn't make me a bad person because I know that two things can exist at once. Like there is a but, there is a gray that you can live in. And I can think this, but then criticize that at the same time. Like there's there's so much nuance to the world and opinions and how you approach things, what you want to be, um, how you want to handle situations, all that. And that's a part of growth, and that's a part of wildcarding, and that's a part of being in your wildcard era. That is the beauty of life and the uncertainty, and you don't know how things are going to end up. And I think the older I get, the more I become more comfortable in living in the gray because you truly don't know what is going to happen. And that's again one of the beautiful things of growing pains and life um altering moments and um the wildcard era in general. I don't think that when Miley Cyrus created it The Climb, I don't think she knew that it was just gonna be such an aged, well, song. Like that's all that's playing in my head right now is the climb. And I used to be addicted to that song. I actually matter this, watch the Hannah Montana movie because just to feel something, you know, just to feel a little bit of nostalgia. But thank you guys again for listening. I my name is Elise, I'm the host of Go Get Hers, and I will see you guys next week. Bye.