If They Can, You Can Too

Jealousy, the topic that took the internet by storm last week. Is it common? Should it be normalized? Alyse gives her two cents and emphasizes her favorite saying, "if they can, you can too". 

Transcript

Speaker 0:05

Well, well, well. Look where the cat dragged in. I'm just kidding. And welcome back to another episode of Go Get Hers. It is the Sunday after St. Patrick's Day. And looking outside, everything seems calm, cool, and collected. And I'm sure you're like, Alyse, you're crazy. Why are you recording a podcast episode the day after St. Patrick's Day? And that's because, ladies and gentlemen, drum roll, please. It's probably not gonna pick up. Anyways, I opted to not go out. I had too many things to do today and knew that I had too many things to do today and this week coming up. So that is progress, that is growth. That is a big deal for Elmo, for A.K. A Alyse. It is out of the ordinary, but if you know me, then you know that I do too much on St. Patrick's Day. Historically I have. I mean, I went to Michigan State, so I feel like St. Patrick's Day was already a big deal prior to moving to Chicago because our colors were green and white. So historically, for four years, did too much. Moved to Chicago, did too much. Chicago is a huge, huge, huge, huge St. Patrick's Day city because we have a huge Irish population, by the way. Like it's not just because we just decide to die the river green. No, like there's actually a really, really big reason. And the Saturday before St. Patrick's Day, we end up dying, we die the river green for people who don't know. And it's like a food dye, and it does last for like five up to five, six days after the fact. So one rule of thumb that I always have is that I never, even the days , the times that I've celebrated St. Patrick's Day, I have never gone to the river on the day of because it is a nightmare. And mind you, I live downtown. Like I live off of Mag Mile. Like historically, I'm going north or I'm going west. I'm going to either like Lincoln Park, Lakeview area area, where it's a little bit more, again, demure, a little bit more chill, or I'm going west to Bucktown or something. I am not staying in this vicinity. And if I am staying in the vicinity, it's only to come home and that's at two o'clock or later. I'm self-aware enough to know that I do too much on St. Patrick's Day. But there's only one way, in my opinion, to really celebrate St. Patrick's Day, and that is to do a trolley. Everything else is a waste of time. It's a waste of money. Like I am not staying in line for shit. I am not um spending a whole bunch of money for shit. I'm not paying cover to get into a place just because you guys decide all of a sudden to charge cover, mind you, it's free every other day. Like I am not um, I'm not feeding into the cabbalistic opportunities that the bars in the city partake in just because I don't want to. So historically, I've always done a trolley. There's actually a guy who organizes a whole trolley situation um for St. Patrick's Day, and he like coordinates with bars that you can skip the line, you have to say stand in a line because a lot of these bar crawls, the what people don't tell you, you spend most of the day in line. If you're not on top of it, you spend most of the day in line. So, two, okay, so maybe not only trolley, but a house party or trolley with only two exceptions or things you can do or acceptable things to do. So historically, I've done a trolley. The guy organizes the trolley. Yeah, you don't have to stand in line. You drink your own alcohol on it. So you're saving money. And it's just way more fun. And you can see the city. And if you do it again with this guy that is pre-organizes it, you have you go to like three bars where you have like built-in stops. You don't have to do your own own organization. You don't go the typical routes of all the other trolleys and then like take the picture by the planetarium or whatever people do, usually on every other trolley. So, in my opinion, that's the only proper way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. That's not the only way I've celebrated St. Patrick's Day. I have done a house party, or I have, you know, gone gone to just one bar, but um, or like bop around to two bars or make reservations way in advance. But I also wasn't commandeering that one. Someone else was making the reservations, so I was able to just like kind of turn my brain off, which was which was fun. But it's really fun. I mean, it really is a highlight of the year. But again, I just don't know how to act. First time I went on a trolley was when I think in like 2019 maybe, and um, I wasn't a part of the trolley. I don't know where we were bopping around to, but I wasn't a part of the trolley. But my other friends were. So we met them at one of the stops, and then I got on the trolley and I was so drunk and I was texting people like, I'll text you when I land, I text you with, I'll text you when I'm land when I land. Mind you, I'm on a trolley. I'm not in the air, I'm not on a plane. So why who would I land where? That's the big question. So the next year was 2020, so it was COVID. So I went on a trolley, did the thing with my friends, and I remember I was talking to this guy at the time, and I and he was having a house party. So after the trolley, we landed, we landed in Brick House. And mind you, again, it's a Saturday before the Sunday that everything shut down in Chicago. Everything shut down in Chicago on like the 15th, I think. Like, I think this is the exact same situation as six years ago that St. Patrick's Day was on the 14th, 15th. We had a lot of people coming from Michigan that end up canceling because of COVID. They were worried about getting COVID. So, but we again, the guy that organizes it was like, Look, you're good. Like, we're the only people in the bars because the bars aren't even like really being opening, and they're like assuring us that we're gonna be the only people really there. And then, so yeah, so we entered that brick house, I remember, and it was in Wrigley. And I remember JB Pritzker was like, Look, you guys need to act right. Okay. If you guys don't act right, I'm showing the city down. And then I remember seeing a video of Wrigley. Mind you, I was there too. A video overview of Wrigley, and it was packed to the brim. It looked like little ants. I remember waking up the next day and JB was like, Yeah, you guys are done. Like, you guys can't follow fucking directions, which is honestly again, like life and light 2020 was just getting good, dude. Before the world shut down, it really, it really, really fucking was. Back to Brick House, so got on the trolley, lean at brick house, and yeah, I was really drunk and I was going over this guy I was talking to's house right after. And I I had like ordered my Uber. And the thing about me is that when I'm drunk, I'm quiet. Like I get, I'm either really nice or I get quiet. And then two, it's like I'm skating, like I have no balance at all. I'm already a clumsy person. Um, I'm more conscious of my clumsiness when I am sober, but when one of my friends was like, literally, when you're drunk, it's like you're on skates. So it was one of those things that were like, I was cosplayed as being sober, but I wasn't really. And all my friends, too, at the time, were like, I didn't know you were really that drunk. When I told them about what happened, and what happened was that I went up to a police officer and was like, Can you help me find my Uber? Because I have no clue where it is. And so he literally escorted, and it was like a Corolla. It was like a Toyota Corolla, like it was nothing crazy. He literally walked me over to the Uber, put me in the Uber, and was like, please be safe. So then, too, I pulled up to the guys that I was I was talking to's house, and I do what every girl does when she's drunk. She calls their mother 16 times and I kept face to him, tape face to my mom. I was like, I made it to so-and-so's. She was like, Can you put him on the phone? Actually, and she was like, Can you please go get my he was like, Can you please go get my daughter some food? Because she is a wack-a-doodle and needs to sober up. So he did go to High Meetles Burritos and get me a uh burrito, and I have this picture of me eating the burrito in the St. Patrick's Day shirt. And he was like, I have to send this to your mama's proof. And the picture cracks me up because it comes up on my Snapchat stories every single year. And it's like, to me, my most iconic. Like I used, I used to be iconic. I used to be fun. Um, now I'm just getting old. And then the year where I decided that, you know, me and trolley's weren't anymore was I think it was my first year living in my apartment that I live in now. I'm pretty sure it was either 22, 2022 or 2023. And I remember waking up and I had grass stains on my jeans. And I was like, where is there grass in River North that I could have fallen? Again, I like I said, I am on skates when I'm drunk. I am so clumsy. I almost hurt myself every single time. You guys heard about me slipping on tights just from being put down. Like I have no sense of balance when I even have one cocktail. Like it's so, it's so weird. I was like, okay, at least like clearly you go on these and do too much because you start at 7 a.m. Um, and then you, and then you don't eat. My my problem is that I never eat enough for the amount for the alcohol that I'm consuming. And then I don't drink as much anymore. So I just knew. I just knew it was gonna be a mess. I knew I had stuff to do. So I just decided to opt out. And honestly, it was it was fine. Like I was fine. It also snowed, made it a little bit better. But I will say, next year, next year, I am making a comeback. I am going to organize. If you're any of my friends right now, no, we're going on a trolley next year. I'm organizing the trolley. If you're my friend that doesn't live in Chicago, you're flying in for fucking St. Patrick's Day, okay? We're all going on a trolley. We're gonna do our big one one last time, and we're going on a trolley and I'm organizing it. I really want to get into this topic of jealousy that's really navigating and making its way or making its rounds around uh social media at the moment. If you're not chronically online like I am, and that's okay, I'm here to bring the things that are chronically online into podcast format. Um, but there was a girl who got online and she admitted that she has been jealous of her friend. And instead of usually I think it's the it's the person that has had a friend be jealous of them coming online and being like, or girls giving advice to people like, this girl treats you like so-and-so. She's jealous of you need to get you need to get away from her. This girl did have the courage to get online and say, I have been the jealous friend. But the thing that tore got her torn up, okay, on the internet and in the comments and created this whole narrative online was that she was listing all these things about how she was jealous and she was trying to kind of like validate them. She was like, Imagine if someone is living the exact life that you think that you should be living or want to live or think you're entitled to living. And entitled to is kind of a crazy stance, in my opinion, because how are you entitled to something but you're not to working towards it or you don't have it? So her idea of that was very, very weird and odd to me, and clearly means she has more work to do. Like again, I applaud her for coming online and being vulnerable because I would never admit to that on the internet. Mind you, that's really I've never really been jealous of anyone, really, and I'll circle back to that. But again, very, very happy for her. Anyways, she said that and then got torn up in the comments because people were like, Oh, too, the girl she was jealous about of was like a lawyer, and she's like, She just got hand into it. She didn't work for this. How can you not work to be a lawyer? One of my best friends is a lawyer. She definitely worked hard to be a lawyer. Like, just because I didn't see it doesn't mean I couldn't, I I can't fathom or even conceptualize how much work goes into going to college for four years, going to law school for four years, taking the bar exam at that, and then applying to a law firm, being poached by a law firm, um, the fitness, standing in front of the bar and having like a fitness test and character test too, like all those things you think gets handed to someone. That's a very weird and odd thing to say. So again, homegirl needs a a reality check and needs to be um needs some more work to do in terms of healing or I don't know, whatever, whatever she needs. I'm not a licensed therapist, so I'm not even gonna diagnose her, besides that, it's giving haterism. So, because of that video, there's been all this discourse around whether or not jealousy is normal or common, or people trying to generalize jealousy, confusing it with envy, all these discussions happening. And I will just like to say this is my opinion with no context. This is just my overall opinion. Jealousy is common, but it shouldn't be normalized. Yes, is it common to feel a ping of jealousy when something happens for someone or before it happens to you? Yes. Am I gonna normalize that? Absolutely not. By creating a conversation around it and getting to the comments and being like, this is normal. Don't worry, girl. People are being so hard on you. Why are these everyone acting like they've never been jealous of anyone? Because actually, some of us haven't. Actually, some of us haven't. If you're one of those people that's never been jealous of someone, I'm sure you're like, if you get it, you get it. But there truly are some of us who are able to re-regulate those feelings and acknowledge that if it can happen for them, it can happen for me. That has always been, if it can happen for them, it can happen for me, has always been my guiding light. And maybe it's because I'm delusional. Maybe it's because my parents raised me as such. Like literally, anytime I've done something or I've outsourced something, especially too as it comes to creative things. Like when I first made the girls who or when I first outsourced or tried to rebrand the Girls Who Collab logo, and I had a girl hired a creative girl to do it and paid her a lot of money to do so, and she came up short. Um, my mom was like, You could have literally learned taught yourself how to do that. Like, I don't even know why you paid someone to do that. Every time someone does something or I show my mom something that I think is really cool, she's like, You could do that. That's always been her narrative. And that's what's always led me to believe that if they can do it, I can do it too. If it can happen for them, it can happen for me. Because I know I work hard. I know I can birth something from the ground. I know that I'm a self-starter. I know that I'm organized. I know that I'm smart. I know that I'm capable. And if you lack those inherent traits, though, or that self-esteem and self-confidence, then yeah, you are inherently going to be jealous of other people because you think that it's handed to them, but that's usually not the case. People work hard every single day. Guys, I literally can't even make this up. I, in the middle of recording this, my mom literally called me and she was like, Michael B. Jordan's been been kind of looking cute to me lately. And it's Michael B. Jordan. Like, I think everyone can agree that he's an attractive man. He actually necessarily isn't even my type. Like, I think he's okay, but I'm not like, oh my God, Michael B. Jordan, if I had to rank every single person that I think is attractive. And she was like, that's the type of guy you should be dating. I'm like, Michael B. Jordan? She's like, yeah. I'm like, no, like a guy like Michael B. Jordan, right? Like successful, ambitious. She's like, no, like the Michael B. Jordan. And I'm like, Sandra, do you know how many people I have to go through to get to Michael B. Jordan? And she was like, well, how many people have to go through him to get to you? And she's dead serious. She's not even trying to blow smoke on my ass. And this is what I mean. Like, she has always made me feel like anything that I do is possible or anything that I want or she thinks I should have, I should have. Even so too. Before the Lions really popped off, she used to call me every day and she'd be like, Alyse, I have this guy on the Lions picked out for you. I'm like, okay, I don't want to date anyone in the Lions. I would never date a professional football player, but thank you for the recommendation or for picking them out for me, quote unquote, as you just like lay in bed and watch TV. And I finally find out who it is. Amaron St. Brown. Amaron St. Brown is who she said she had picked out for me. And I'm like, have you seen this girlfriend? She's literally dropping ahead gorgeous. Again, you know how many bitches I gotta fight off to get to these people? She's like, Well, then she and then she starts listening. She's like, Well, you have a 401k and you have all this. I'm like, welcome to most of America. Like, that's not not to say that I don't think, okay, yeah, sure. If it's someone successful, I could pull, right? But Michael B. Jordan, the Michael B. Jordan, Amaron St. Brown, like let's be a hundred percent for real. And that honestly, too, again, how I was raised. Like I have never, and I've talked to my mom too about things with race. And when this whole DEI conversation kept coming up, and I was like, I just don't get why people think that other people are getting things because of their skin color, because I have never doubted that every anything that I have ever has been because I was black. I never thought that I got into college because for because of affirmative action. I had a very good GPA. I did really well in school. I tried really hard at school. And so I've never thought, oh, I didn't get a job or I passed over some white man. That has never been my narrative or my thought. So that also has like bewildered me in that space because I was literally raised to think that anything that I wanted to do is 100% possible. And I deserve said thing because I work hard and because I do deserve it due to my ambition and my hard work, not because I'm necessarily entitled to it because someone's taking pity on me or whatever else. Even yesterday, yeah, maybe I didn't go out for St. Patrick's Day, but you know what I was doing. I was doing stuff for Girls Who Collab. I was doing stuff for the podcast, like making the little things. Like I made my time productive. And then if I'm gonna miss out on something, it's because I'm working towards something else. Like I'm gonna, if I'm gonna forsake fun and spending time with my friends who I adore and idolize and love spending time with, it's going to be for a productive reason and for a reason in order to better my goals and better my future in order to make the time and the sacrifice worthwhile. Other people don't have that discipline. And that's okay. And I'm not saying that if you went out for St. Patrick's Day, you lack the discipline. I'm talking about this girl in particular who seems to not see that just because she doesn't see people working hard for something doesn't mean that they're not doing it. Um, she seems to, she seems to lack that. And that really, really bothers me. And yes, is it normal to compare yourself to other people? Absolutely. I mean, even in the creator space, we, I'm sure we all to a degree compare ourselves to someone else. I mean, mostly we're comparing ourselves to ourselves, right? Like we're being kind of condescending in our own accomplishments of like, oh, that video could have done better. I wish I could have done better. What I what could I have done? Especially when you get analytics back, it is really hard to, you know, conceptualize or or not be hard, just not be hard on yourself. And then to you see other people, like especially when it comes to events, people get invited to other events, maybe you're not invited. It's like, how are they picking these people? Like, it's easy to compare yourself, but to let that comparison then turn into jealousy, especially in a place like Chicago where everyone is friends, right? Everyone is close knit because we have such a small creator community and we're not like very largely tapped yet. Also, too, I think for Chicago, not everyone or there's no one really that big doing it like that yet. You know, mostly people who in Chicago who are also content creators, they also are working a full-time job. This is not their primary source of income. That's why I kind of giggle when, you know, like my friends will be like, Atise, you still work at where you work. And I'm like, of course. How do you think I'm paying to live in an apartment downtown? Like, I this shit ain't paying the bills. I wish it was. Like, I want it to get to a point where it is. But even then, I don't know at what point I would feel comfortable not having a steady flow of income and having my income be so like up and down. I mean, I I don't, I don't know at what point that would happen. But yes, is it easy to compare yourself? But that sense of comparison should never turn into jealousy or envy that then ruins a friendship that you have with someone. That's the part that I don't want to normalize. And this is also my thought. The people who are saying or generalizing, saying, if you feel if you've ever felt jealous, it depends on how you handle it, right? But eight times out of 10, that person does not handle it well. Okay. Because they already are emotionally unintelligent, emotionally deregulated. So what makes you think that they would be able to continue to hang out with a girl or a friend that has everything that they want, that they think they've just had everything handed to them? Because I mean, I've been around people or girls that I've like kind of didn't like because I'm like, they've never worked hard for fucking everything. Their parents have paid for everything. Um, and it's not jealousy, it's just like you have no sense of like what hard work actually is. And as someone that is has feels like they've worked hard for everything they have and haven't hasn't been given anything. And it's actually not that they've been given every anything because I've also been in a position where I've been giving more than remember I dated this guy in college. I my parents did more for me than he his parents did for him. And he like always made me feel like I was crazy or entitled or something. And that's not the case. Like, I'm sorry, my parents struggled growing up, so they made sure that their kids didn't struggle when they got older if they have the ability to not let them struggle. So whatever. But it's the people too who act like that, their sense of entitlement. Like it's an attitude. Like not only are you out of touch, but you're also just rude. Like, I feel like we all know one of those types of people or have encountered those people. My experience, those people too who have never had to work for anything, feel insecure because they know that. They view you as, you know, they feel a little insecure because they're like, oh, you know, she's she's worked hard and she looks down on me necessarily. But like it's that exchange where I'm weird towards you because you're weird weird towards me and you make me feel uncomfortable because you're insecure. You know what I mean? Like, you've ever been one around one of those girls that's like, you're being weird to me, so I'm being weird to you. But if you weren't weird to me, I wouldn't be weird to you. Like, what's your like what is your problem? Because my problem is you. What's what pinged this whole weird exchange of energy that I'm that I'm starting to like pick up on? You know what I mean? And one thing is for certain about me. One thing is for certain. If you start acting weird towards me at any point in time, your energy switches up at any point in time, you will never hear from me again. Okay. I don't even engage, I don't hang around people like that, I don't appreciate that. Until you come to me and act like an actual human being in an adult, we'll we'll never have any contact ever again. And that is growth for me. Cause I used to be very combative, or I will internalize it and make myself feel like there's something wrong with me. And that would would hurt my self esteem. Like I love, especially someone like I was cool with. It's like, what did I do to you? You know, but now I'm like, okay. I'm just gonna, it's not my problem. I don't, I literally do not have the time or the space or the width, the bandwidth to deal with whatever you're going through that then you're now projecting onto me. I I can't handle that. And I don't have I don't have that in me. And I and I don't care enough if you don't care enough to communicate with me like I'm a human being, like you value my friendship. But the thing also, too, again, people are generalizing saying that it depends on how you handle it. Again, eight times out of 10, that person is not handling that jealousy well. Okay. If you've been in a position and you're thinking, no, I've handled it well, I can guarantee you that the person that you your energy changed up around, noticed it, right? And they try to gaslight themselves, being like, something's weird, but I don't know. And then you've gotten over it or you quote unquote handled it well. And then they were like, oh, okay, yeah, clearly, like I must have been crazy, right? But there was truth in that feeling. There was truth in that situation. Again, you think you handled it well, but you actually didn't. So I'm here to tell you that the jealousy thing needs to be commandeered, it needs to be not normalized, and it needs to be accounted for and acknowledged. Because the thing, too, if you are a girl who has ever had a friend be jealous of you and you're no longer friends with that person, you know how it feels for that person. That person has made your life hell. And I have one specific friend in my my mind that I am no longer friends with. It was the worst, worst, worst, worst. Like, I don't know, three months of my life that it felt like I had to walk on eggshells because I was gonna hurt her ego because she found something wrong with every single little thing that we did or that I did. And then she would set herself up to be rejected by me weirdly, and then I would become the bad guy. And it was, and then she tried to create this whole campaign against me and make other people turn against me just because she was mad at me, but there was no actual basis to what was wrong. And it's like I am just I'm not a high maintenance friend, and I don't like high maintenance friends, and that's just who I am, and that's okay. And I'm more of a low maintenance friend, so I don't know if she like I just couldn't give her what she wanted. I still to this day truly don't even know what the basis of it was. But I'm just gonna give you a couple examples of things that happened or that she did that I'm telling you, guys, it was literally, um I think about this all the time. Everything I did, I was worried it was gonna like offend her in some way because she's found some offense to it. So I was friends with this girl right around the time I started Girls Who Collab. It was before I even launched it. It was like when I I was kind of like soft launching the idea. And she, I was in the Uber with her, I was going to a vet, and I was telling her about the concept of girls who collab. And then she just proceeded to say, Oh my god, that's so cool. Like, and told me her dream of like, because I was telling her about the newsletter because the newsletter was the first thing we ever launched. She was talking about like she wanted to be a writer or whatever. It was like, yeah, I've always wanted to go to influencer events where I was the, you know, I didn't, I'm not known as the influencer. I'm known as like the behind-the-scenes person. And she was like, So maybe I could like help you write it. And I was like, Yeah, I mean, we'll see. Like I have, I mean, we'll see if this even comes to fruition. This is just my idea. Time passes on, time passes on, time passes on. Girls Who Collab launches. Um, it's the first day. And two, when I first launched Girls Who Collab or first soft launch the newsletter, I think I launched it a month before. She would always text me, I'm so happy for you, so happy for you, so happy for you, so happy for you. Mind you, she never subscribed to the newsletter at all. And I can see who could subscribe to the newsletter. I use Substack for the newsletter. Substacks gives you immense and incredible um analytics, which is why I went with it when I was shopping around which newsletter platform I wanted to use for the distribution. So I went on there and I can see who had subscribed. Mind you, it was like 50 subscribers at the time because it hadn't launched yet. I could see it. And she would text me literally every single day and be like, oh my God, I'm so happy for you. I'm so excited for the newsletter, blah, blah, blah. Again, mind you, she hadn't subscribed to it. So I'm like, okay, it's giving kind of hater energy that you're like being performative. I feel like if you have to say something enough times, it's because you need yourself to believe it, right? Like she, because why are you telling me when your actions are different, but she doesn't know I can see that she hasn't subscribed? Weird energy. There'd be a couple of events that we would be supposed to go to together. And she also got invited. From one, she would act like it's a secret. Again, there's not that many, there weren't that many events going on when I launched Girls Who Collab, which is why I launched Girls Who Collab. And so the couple events that we get in did get invited to, it would be like a secret if she was invited. Like I like tech would text her and be like, Oh my God, are you going to this? And she'd be like, Oh yeah, you were invited. Yeah. Like, wouldn't you be happy that we're both invited? Like, I'm happy that you're invited, that we have a friend, that have a friend, because if because if not, like you can be my plus one because I want you to be there because you're my friend. So we would have every intention on going, or I would think, and then she would like bail last minute. And then I would still go. And then she would be like, Oh, you still wet? Yeah. Because one monkey don't stop no show, homegirl. Okay. Why would I like like now you're trying to sabotage my success and be weird again, just be weird. So then two weeks after I started Girls Who Collab or whatever, she texted me. I'll never forget this day. She texted me in the morning and goes, So I was thinking this morning that I could be your brand manager because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like we can later, you know, think about the logistics and like the pay and stuff. Like, homegirl, this is a free fucking position. Ain't nobody paying for that. I'm not even getting paid. What why would I pay you? Okay. Weird. This whole conversation, we can like talk about like expectations and stuff late later, but like, okay, let me just stop you right there. You were thinking that you could be the brand brand manager for my brand, and I never offered you a job. What delusion are you living in where that is what you think is about to happen? So now you're setting me up to reject you because now I have to say no. And I have to say no in a nice way to where I have to make sure you're not rejected. And you don't feel some type of way because I'm pretty intuitive, as I've mentioned, with people's energy, and I knew that this was where this was going. Okay. I knew it. So I have to say, well, it's not a no, but it's a it's a not right now because I don't even know where the brand is going. I kind of want to get my own, you know, friction with it before I hand it over to someone else, which is I feel like it is a very reasonable response. And if anyone knows anything about anything, they would also assume that that's probably the case. And then again, you were thinking this morning that you could be the brand manager of my brand. Why are you using my brand to lift you up without me offering you a job? Like that's just so weird. And then again, now I have to reject you and feel some type of way about it and feel bad. So then she would like not like anything on my Instagram. And mind you, I noticed shit like this. Okay, I probably had like 500 followers. Um, so majority of them were other creators in in Chicago. Some of them were my friends. Like, it was not that many. So I noticed stuff like this. Not that I'm chronically looking for it, but like when it's a pattern, I'm really maybe it's the science in me, but I tell people this all the time. I'm really good at pattern recognition. You do something twice, three times. Actually, I've had an ex-boyfriend say this to me that was a lawyer. If anyone knows who I'm talking about, when I first from Chicago, um, I was talking to this guy that was a lawyer, and he there was a direct core, dude, there was a direct correlation between him, me updating my Facebook profile and him texting me. There was a direct correlation that it's almost like he forgot I existed, and then he would just be like, oh, I remember she's hot or she's cute. And then he would text me right away. Like there was a direct correlation. Like I'm telling you every single time. I have it at least three times. I told him that one day. He's like, if it's not more than twice, it's not a pattern. I'm like, don't try to lawyer me, dude. But I am really good at pattern recognition, recognition. So if it's more than like three times, then it's not a coincidence. And also, I just don't believe in coincidence. Even back then, even when I was 26, 27, 28, 29, I don't believe in coincidences. I'm I'm a scientist at heart. I love looking at evidence or noticing things. I'm also like really big in psychology into psychology. So I don't really need concrete evidence to see where this is going. Because again, I have a high pattern recognition like brain. And so she wouldn't like any of my stuff at all. And I would be like, okay, like I'm like, okay, so clearly this is just I'm just gathering evidence into what this is weird. And I had my first Girls Who Collab event coming up, and it was at Body Rock at in Chicago, my Pilates studio. And that's also kind of to how I met her. We were already following each other on social media, and I met her through at Body Rock, or met her for the first time. And she couldn't go. She told me that she didn't want me to have it there because then she said it was gonna be really hard for people to get her to get into classes. Okay, why is that my problem? Sign up for classes earlier, you have a whole week. Like, because you're unorganized, that's my problem. Also, shouldn't you just be happy that I'm having my first event and that it's actually like, and I'm really excited for it. I've been working like three months into having it and working hard to have it. Like, shouldn't you be supportive? Like, I thought you were happy for me that you've texted me six times already in the past two weeks and told me that. So it was just really, really weird. But our downfall on our friendship ended up being, and again, I still don't know. I'm I am just making up reasons for why she might have been jealous of me or what I think, because I don't, I truly, to my core, don't know what there is to be jealous of. I mean, I'm just an average fucking bitch. I I don't think there's anything spectacular about me in order to be jealous of. So if anyone feels anything towards me, I'm letting you know, cut it out today. Now, there's nothing to be jealous of, okay? I am a normal fucking bitch. I have there's there's nothing I have that's extraordinary that you need to be jealous of. If anything, you're probably cooler than me. That's all I gotta say. What's always funny about dynamics like this is that I started treating her how she treated me. And this is so juvenile to even talk about. Like, I feel so silly to even talk about this because this was also like three years ago. So I'm in my late 20s, 28, and she's two years older than me. So at the time I also thought it was weird. Like, why am I arguing with the third? Like, although I think being 30 is young, I also think that there is a maturity that should come with it. And I've always kind of felt that way. But um by treating her like she treated me, I meant like I just withheld, I stopped liking engaging in her posts. And again, this sounds so stupid and joven juvenile, but like this was literally the case. I literally just stopped liking her her stuff on Instagram, and then that's when she crashed out, and then that to me told me that she was doing it deliberately. You get what I mean? Like I used her own psychology against her to get her to basically confess and confirm that I was right, that she was doing it deliberately. Because otherwise, why would why would you feel some type of way all of a sudden? And why is there a direct correlation between me not engaging in your content or whatever, and you all of a sudden crashing out and finding something random to be upset with? So I know that's a long-winded thing to say, but that is why I will never normalize jealousy because it's always rooted in something that you're not conceptualizing in your head, and it's and it's giving and normalizing it is giving too much credit to the person who's being jealous. Okay. And because they lack emotional intelligence, it is an emotionally an unintelligent feeling, especially when you let it get to envy, especially when you let it uh metastasize basically into resentment. And one thing I will say I think resentment is the scariest, the scariest, scariest, scariest, scariest feeling and emotion you can ever have towards someone. I'm a control freak. I will never, ever in a million years put my feelings and the responsibility of my feelings into someone else's hands. You know what resentment is? Resentment, in order to reverse resentment, that person has to change completely. And most people don't change. And most of the time they're not even aware enough to change if you resent them. Like I just feel like there's no going back from resentment nine times out of 10. And maybe that's a high statistic, but to me, that's what it is. And I've and I've resented people before. I've resented boyfriends before because they've dimmed my light. I've resented friends before because they made me feel bad for who I was and what I, you know, wanted to be doing. So I know resentment and then know there's no going back. So why would I ever want someone to resent me, my kids, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my significant whatever. Why would I ever want someone to go that far? So that's why I'm just like, dude, the jealousy combo, I don't I I don't even care to have it. I don't want to have it. I'm I'm not normalizing it. I'm not gonna say sit here and say, oh, yeah, it's normal. No, it's not. No, it's not. You need to get that shit together and in check. Because at the end of the day, I feel like it's it's lacking a lot of context. Jealousy is is lacking a lot of context, right? Because it's assuming a lot of things and it's not rooted in logic, it's rooted in emotion. You know, you being jealous of someone because of their career or the relationship or whatever, you're assuming that those things are perfect and those people are actually like super happy in those when that's usually not the case. And again, it's common to compare your timelines or something like someone gets engaged before you and you've been dating longer. That's common to it's be like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm jealous or I'm, you know, I I feel some type of way because, but that feeling shouldn't be towards them. It should be towards your man that hasn't proposed yet. Why would you be weirder to your friend when you should be happy for her because her life is moving differently than yours? You see what I mean? Where it's it's it's lacking logic, because if it was logical, you would direct that feeling towards the person that actually is a problem. Your man hasn't proposed yet. What's he doing? Have you told him? He doesn't care about your timeline. Is that okay? Absolutely the fuck not. So, like I said, if they can, you can too. If you really wanted to be a lawyer and your friend's a lawyer and you're jealous of her, or you feel some type of way because she's more successful, makes more money, then go to law school. Then then do it. Then take the steps to be that. Like if you work hard and you know that you work hard, it should be apples to oranges. If you're happy for your friends, that will return to you. You have to believe that if they can, you can too. That there is no measurement or bounds to your success or what you can achieve or what you can have. That's where it starts. It starts in your mind. You have to know and believe that it can happen for you too. And then once you believe that, you also have to follow it up with an action. Prayer without works is fruitless, essentially. That's what my mom always says. Oh, I wish I could move here or lived in a city, then pack up and fucking leave. You know, figure it out. Like people figure out things in logistics and just take the steps. I think too, a lot of people, if you are a more logical person and more of a like a nervous, anxious person, like I don't know how to reverse that. But sometimes you do have to just like take the risk. I mean, I think a lot of people who are successful are successful because they're delusional. I think it is part delusion, part hard work. Um, anything that I've built from the ground, I mean, me making girls who collab, me having all these events built in delusion. I'm like, they're not gonna say no. Well, why would they say no? They say no, it's their it's their loss and moving on. Me having a podcast. I'm like, I can see the analytics of the podcast. 50 people live and listen to the podcast, and I'm happy with those numbers. I also have no um, you know, I also have no benchmark on what my numbers should be because I know that one day it might get there. And I have worked hard to do it. Like I've there's been a lot of moving parts in order to get this podcast up, and I'm proud of myself for that. And I'm not gonna like compare myself to Alex Fucking Cooper or one of my other friends that has a podcast because that's silly, because what's for me will not pass me. And if they can do it, then I can do it too. If that is really what my life and destiny is ought to be, and if I work really hard towards it, especially in friendships too. And I know we usually don't feel jealous about people that like unless you're in a weird, really weird parasocial relationship with someone online, which I feel like you should not be jealous of influences or anyone online, truthfully. Like you shouldn't actually feel that jealousy pain where you hate them or dislike them. Um, but if you are in friendships, I have said this before. I only surround myself with people who uplift me and who are proud of me and who support me. Friendships are supposed to be a collaboration. It's supposed to be you guys uplifting, uh uplifting each other, supposed to be a community of people. So if any life change or things go good for me and you can't be happy for me, why would I want to surround myself with you? Why would I want to be around you? The answer is I'm not going to. Where is this silent competition and one-sided beef happening? That is such a weird thing and weird situation. And that's just not something I'm ever going to normalize. You work hard, you are happy for your friends, and you do what you're destined to be doing and you work towards and you work towards that. Even if it comes later in life, even if it become doesn't come when you think it should, it's going to come for you if you exude the energy and the time and the resources and make decisions that you want to do with your life. They're going to come to you. Those things are going to happen for you because if they can have it for anyone else, they can have it for you. Wow. I really needed that. Honestly, that felt so therapeutic. It's kind of maybe a subtweet to me from me to me, you know, at least start standing in what you're proud of. Let's have a more positive aura. You know what I mean? Like, it is on a broader spectrum and a broader, you know, subject about the jealousy thing. But I think the whole thing of like, if they can, you can too. I need to be reminded of it and hope that you guys also feel the same way. That like that gives you a little bit of inspiration about being like, no, you're right. Like, if my timeline feels off or different, that's okay because it's gonna happen for me eventually. If these positive things are great things to have in other people, they can most definitely happen for me. There's no reason to be jealous, there's no reason to project. Just know that when you work hard and you have an idea of where you want to be in life, those things will come to fruition no matter what. Period, point blank. End of story. But that's all I got, guys. Honestly, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. I should honestly host a seminar about that because I'm very, very passionate. And so you couldn't tell about the subject because it truly is again. I I mean, you see what my mom said about me. If that's not delusion, I don't know what is. Okay, shout out Sandra Alston. Love it, love her for that and for proving my point that Home Girl has always been my number one supporter and has always made me feel like anything is possible, including bagging Michael B. Jordan. So stay tuned for that. Thank you guys for listening. My name is Alyse. I'm the host of Go Get Hers, and I'll see you next week. Bye.