Type-A Management

When you're Type A but the A stands for anxiety, sometimes being a control freak is the only way through. Alyse shares some tangible tips for "Type-A Management", because compromising is not an option. 

Transcript

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Welcome back to another episode of Go Get Hers. I truly do feel like I'm like myself again, weirdly. I don't know how to explain the fog that is the winter or the last couple months and that how much I just feel healed from going out for the last two nights. Like I just feel like I'm back. Like, you know that Kylie Jenner sound is like like I'm feeling like myself again. Like I really wasn't myself. And I think that was after her and Taiga broke up, but I really am feeling like myself again. Like I went on and partied Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. And here I am Sunday recording a podcast. So like I'm back, bitches. I'm back. I I feel rejuvenated just from being social. And honestly, I think it's weird that in the winter, like I hibernate. And I used to not, but now I'm like, mmm, with inflation, like I'd rather save my money when it's and wear what I want to wear instead of sweaters. Because if you know me, you know like layering and sweaters and the whole like winter outfits are not my thing. So maybe that's also why I'm like, I'd rather save it for like May, April, May, June onward, and try to save some coins. So spent a lot of money this weekend. Do I regret it? Not at all. Did I have actually a blast? Absolutely. Actually, this weekend, I ended up going to Hugo's frog bar with, mind you, my Pilates instructor, my yoga instructor. I talked about her before, Christine. And I have always just like saw something in her. Like I think we've always like knew we clicked, and you know, but most of the time we're talking and passing. Like when I sign in for class, and you know, like I've done a Girls who collab event with her and met with her, but we just like strictly talked about work and the collab and stuff. But she recently broke up with her boyfriend and she's like, I feel so free. Okay, she recently broke broke up with her boyfriend and she recently turned 30. And she keeps telling me, She's like, At least, you told me that when I turn 30, I'm gonna stop giving a fuck. And I'm like, Yeah, that's what my friend Corinne said to me. Cause her birthday's in November, my birthday's in August, so she's a little bit older than me. She told me she was like, At least we already never gave a fuck, but when you turn 30, like something lifts off you. And Christine's like fresh 30. She turned 30 in March. She's like, I feel free. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. She's like, I looked in the mirror and I like felt ugly. And I, it's not funny. It's funny because it's it's funny because it's universal. This actually is a universal thing. When you date someone that truly is just like taking the energy out of you. Like, if you've seen um, what is that movie? Shang Chi, the Marvel movie, um, when they have like the dragons at the end and they're like taking the soul, tucking the souls from one another, basically. Like that's sometimes how feel how it feels being in a relationship that's just like not suiting you. Where like the energy exchange is just not not giving. But she's like, Yeah, I looked in the mirror and I just felt ugly and drained, and now I just feel so much better and whatever. So happy for her, applause, applause, applause, applause for her in another relationship. So we went out to celebrate. We had been saying we were gonna get drinks for a while. Um, and then we finally did it this weekend. And what was funny though is that we ended up, um, she found a gift card to Gibson's in her pocket for$100. So we like went started at Maple and Ash for their happy hour, which their happy hour is one of my favorite happy hours because it's eight dollar mini martinis and hand rolls. And their hamachi and jalapeno one is fucking delicious. And their um crab and cruft truffle one is really good, but either way, anything from there is good. The Diddy martinis are good, their espresso martinis are good. So you can get like a good bang for your buck. Um, well, it's eight bar, so it's the first for maple and ash. And then I've been on a banana tour. I've been waiting 10 years for bananas to have their comeback and for, or not even comeback, for them to have their moment. So I've been going around Chicago and trying like all these new like banana bread machas, banana bread lattes, and then I found out that DJ's great room has a banana espresso martini, and it was phenomenal. I need to have that every single day. But also, too, a little backstory about the banana is that so I'm from Metro Detroit, and one thing about Metro Detroit is that uh Detroit is across the street from Canada. Like it's the Detroit River, and then it's Canada, that you can see Canada from Detroit. So it is a rite of passage that when you are turned 19, you go over to Canada because you can drink legally over there. And me and my friends did that, like my best friends from high school did that. But I think we were like 22, maybe. Um, went over there and we had some banana Jaeger bombs, okay? And they were so delicious. And it sounds gross, but they were banana Jaeger bombs and they were shots. And we were like, oh, how can we get this in the States? And they were like, well, if they have banana liqueur liqueur, liqueur, I can't talk, then you should be able to get it. And then we were like, okay, clutch. But for 10 years, we have never been able to duplicate that experience. And so now that banana is having its moment, that's all we do is send banana stuff back and forth to each other. And we're just like really on this banana high. So I'm also on this banana high when my friends told me I was gonna turn into a banana. So yeah, so we went there, we went to DJ's great room, phenomenal. Also got a matchbook. One thing about me too, if I get a matchbook, it's the best day of my life. Like I'm like, I can go home now. Like, night successful. That's my that's what gets me going. Like I'm leaving here with something and it's gonna be a matchbook. And so it is like literally the light of my light of my day. Um, so yeah, I was able to get a matchbook. And because also, too, it's like annoying when you've gone somewhere and then they were out of the matchbooks. It's like, okay, now I have to come back, but like when am I gonna come back? And you better have the matchbooks when I get back, you know? So I ended up snagging one and I got one of my friends one too. And then um, so then yeah, so she realized she had this gift card. So then we went to Hugo's frog bar and split a burger and two martinis each and um their crab mac and cheese. And it was so good and just so random. And then I was I was at home by 10, and that was just like a quality Friday. And then, well, the night before too, I bopped down with one of my friends um whose husband actually made the jingle for the podcast. So shout out to the Simons. But um, we went to bopped around like West Town, Ukrainian village-ish, and went to Lau paying you or ooh. And it's like literally the best food I've ever had in a while. I'm still dreaming about it. It was so fucking good. And um, we got a bottle of wine or got some glasses of wine from All Together Now, some orange wine. Like it's orange wine season. Orange wine season is back. Like, how can you not feel alive and and healthy and vibrant when orange wine season is back? And so we got glasses of orange wine, then we got called over to the restaurant. And yeah, we had like the soup dumplings. We had like chicken noodle soup. Like, I'm a big ramen girl too. So everything was just so delicious. And then last night I ended up going out with my yoga teacher again because she used to talk to a guy that now owns a restaurant in Chicago. And again, she's fresh over breakup. So Home Girl is a living life. And so we went to dinner at his restaurant and it was so good. So now, like, I'm like, how did I evade a hangover two, three days in a row? But I'm feeling good. I'm feeling chatty, clearly. And I am ready to talk about the one thing that I frequently talk about, but like never give any tools, I think, to be that way. And that is being type A. I've talked about being type A all the time. I think it's my superpower. I've not I haven't always been type A, but I'm a pride, proud type A'er. Also, my initials are all AAA. So I feel like me being type B would kind of be off brand for me. So there was no other choice, actually, eventually, I guess. Um, but actually before I dive into that, I want to circle back to Summer House. I'm up to date on Summer House and on the Summer House drama. And um, my opinion still stands, to be honest. Danielle fucking sucks. Sierra's cool. I love Mia. Um, I'm just now in the Jesse Solomon of it all. And he really bothers me for some reason. Like every time he gets on the screen, like now on TikTok when because he sings when the comment section is not now, Jesse, like I'm already going through enough. That's how I feel when he like stirs up some drama or something. But no, I I love the show. I love the show. I am so sorry for ever hating on it. I'm so sorry for ever making it seem like I was too good for reality TV. I get it now. I feel like they're my close personal friends for some reason. Paige DeSorbo cussing out Kyle in that little Prada dress. I have never seen anything like it. And she is a queen and I'm obsessed with her. Um, and I'm so sad she's not on the show anymore. But like, she's just, she's just so good. And she she just looks so good. She really reminds me of Mila Cunas. I'm sure she gets that a lot, but maybe I'm wrong. But type A, not everyone aspires to be type A, and that's okay. Um, again, I think it is my superpower. I think that is what drives me, is kind of like being really um intentional and really um like kind of anal about stuff, but that is just how I keep saying. And I think, again, like my type in this got exacerbated after COVID because I felt so out of control over the world, feeling like it was gonna end. And I didn't see any way out of being out of COVID. It seemed like it seemed like every day it was something. And so that was my way of like trying to take back my life and have a little bit more autonomy. Because when you again, like I've said the thing about The Sims. Again, it would it would make sense and honestly would probably help me cope better if someone was controlling me on the Sims. I've said it before and I stand by that. That is my probably borderline check this girl into a mental hospital. But if you're a Sims Sims person and you grew up playing The Sims, I'm sure you low-key agree. Anyways, but the lack of autonomy or thinking you don't have autonomy is a scary subject that I don't try to broach often and that when I try to bring up to my friends, they're like, at least not now. And that's okay. Um, but I do think that, yeah, it just it helps me feel more in control. And I'm actually glad that we're having this conversation and that I like have this idea of having this topic be on the episode because um, believe it or not, I actually do have some structure to filming and doing this. You might be like, it's a little laxadaisical, or you maybe you don't know, maybe you don't care. That's okay. But it is structured for me. Um, but I do have like a website that I type everything out on and like make an outline of what I want to talk about and the things I want to um hit on. Sometimes I look at it, sometimes I don't. Okay. I at least prep to a degree. Um, but before I went to record, Sav, you know Sav, she was just on the podcast. She posted on her close friends that um she's type B because she has to be so type A in like caring for her family um and being, you know, like the eldest daughter and stuff like that. And so like her being type B and is a way of her taking care of herself where she feels like she doesn't have to be so on all the time. And that's actually a super cool perspective that I never thought of it that way. That my way of taking care of myself is me feeling like I have autonomy. Other people might feel like, no, I actually have to be on in so many other different ways. So, like me taking care of myself means um not having any structure when it comes to um, you know, like picking my off at all last minute or, you know, not having lists and and just feeling a little bit more carefree. And that is the beautiful thing. And kind of, I think actually I said episode one. The beautiful thing about interpretation and trauma is that, or even in honestly, how you deal with life and schedules is a trauma response. It usually is something that inflicts it one way or the other. But I said before, like with the Demi Lovato thing that I always think about her documentary when uh that came out a while ago, that um she was talking about her dad being an addict, and either you she was saying that you either um, you know, do the drug and see what made what's so special about the drug that may would make someone forsake their family, or you never touch that drug ever. And that's just goes along with like there's an interpretation of of two things. The trauma either and responsibility either causes you to hone in on that and and uh and be even more type A and exacerbate that, or do the opposite and be like more laxadaisical and chill. And that is like everyone just interprets it differently and sees it differently. And that's the cool thing about people and opinions and life. And honestly, kind of like the not beautiful is not the word, but like a semi-good interpretation of um of trauma or the bright side. I'm I'm trying to do a cup half full type of situation. But for me, I think, again, being type A is my superpower. I'm type A because I have a small list of haters that I have to prove wrong. Like I have no choice but to win. I'm type A because I refuse to compromise. I refuse to compromise on all the things that I want in life, all the trips I want to take, all the um passions I want to pursue, all of the good pictures I want to get. Like honestly, being type A kind of is inflicted from anxiety. Like, if you know a type A girl, it's it's a mask for their anxiety. And the thing about being anxious is that you always like anticipate the future. So by being type A, you're at least trying to like take control of that to a degree. You know what I mean? And again, like I'm type A because I refuse to compromise. And I have haters to prove wrong. I have a longer list of supporters, and that's okay. But I do know that there are people preying on my downfall, and I'm fine with that. But I just refuse to compromise on whatever I want. And that is coming from like an entitled, spoiled perspective, but at least I'm working for it. You know, I'm the one that's making it come to fruition and know that like I couldn't accomplish half the shit that I do or half the things that I have or half the things that I do if I didn't have some structure to my life or my schedule. Um, even too, when I was talking about going out to dinner with Christine, like I anticipated sitting at home on Saturday. Like I didn't have any plans and I was okay with that. And so, like, I've been wearing my hair in this like ugly, disgusting fuck ass bun um for like 10 days. And it's one of those buns that's like half like edge control, half oil. So, like, and then I have extensions and they're clipping. So it's like there's the only way is to wash it. Like, there's no way to get around it. And again, like it's been 10 days that I like use the oil to refresh it. And it's a whole thing. Again, like two, I'm black, like my hair texture is different, whatever. So um, I literally texted her. She invited me when we were out on Friday, and then I texted her on Saturday. I was like, am I actually invited? Because if so, I like, I'll wash my hair because like not, I had the whole day to wash my hair. And that wasn't something I could foresee. But it it was something though that I'm like, I I refuse to compromise on this. Like, I refuse to let my hair hold me back. If if I could didn't have any time, um, then I would have just worn my hair how it was. But it then, like, in my mind, I was gonna record the podcast on Saturday. Like I had things I could be doing, but didn't have any concrete plans to like leave the house. So I was like, okay, I refuse to compromise. So I'm just gonna shift all those things to Sunday. And now I have a longer list on Sunday, but that also means that like I have to have some type of restraint when I go out to a degree so I'm not hung over. Um, and that's just my type A-ness, trying to find some structure in my like last-minute decisions in order to again still pursue and do the things that I want to do because it's important to me. And I'm hard on myself too. Okay. Don't get it twisted. Sometimes the feedback that I've gotten from like people, ex-boyfriends, whatever, is that I'm hard on them, or I think that's just like the general consensus because I just always have something to say. And I think people forget that like I live in my brain. So if you think I'm hard on you, how do you think I talk to myself sometimes? And it's gotten better. I'm actually a weird person that I either don't, I can't give myself credit, or I like I'm like Elise, I was so stupid. Like the amount of times I've been at home and I'm like, Elise, and I say it in my head, like that was so stupid to do, or I spin out or have anxiety. Again, I I I freak out about the future. Actually, one time I cried because I was right before I moved to Chicago, um, because I was dating this guy that I really didn't like. And he um he was just like annoying, dude. And so I remember too, I cried to my mom. Mind you, this hasn't even happened yet. And I just remember her cracking up, being like, I have never seen anyone cry about something that hasn't happened yet. But I was telling her, we were coming to Chicago for me to look at um apartments. He also had never been to Chicago. And I cried because I thought of him, because the thought of sitting in the car with him for four hours and having to like talk to him or him talk to me really, really bothered me. And it really like made me anxious. And I started crying. I was like, he's gonna annoy me for the four hours, and then we're gonna get to Chicago and I'm gonna be in a bad mood, and yada yada yada. And that's where my anxiety goes. It's like literally, it is the anticipation of of the future, and I, you know, sometimes harp on it too, that it's like debilitating. And again, this is this is crazy to admit. And I actually forgot about that story about that guy about crying because that is kind of that is kind of crazy, and I can see why my mom laughed in my face um during that. But yeah, I am like just as hard on myself because too, I have such high expectations for myself. And then also too is ingrained in like my parents. Like when I was younger, my parents like it was the bare minimum for me to get good grades. Like they didn't pat me on the back. Um, they didn't say like, um, they weren't like good job. They were like, Yeah, you should have. You know, like if I got like a B plus, they would be like, why isn't an A minus? Like I'd be like, mm, it's not an A. Like, and and I did like okay at school, but she knew, but the thing about my parents is that, and the thing that I figured out really early is that um if I did well in school, I could really get anything I wanted, and that they really valued educ education. And I think um black parents, I think that's like a really big part of it, especially too. Like my mom grew up in Detroit, and then um, you know, she might she made sure to say like she had all her like school books, she would always say that it would say um property of like it would be like old textbooks from the suburbs, and she and that's actually the suburb we ended up moving to, and they ended up raising us in. And um, so she really values education and really think that that's really, really important. And that's actually why how I ended up monopolizing off of that too, and taking advantage of that and getting a moped in college was that I was like, you know, I'm out on time, I'm waiting for the bus. I could be at home on my moped. And literally that's how I got one. Um, but anyways, yeah, I do so I do this thing where like I can never give myself credit while also like shitting on myself. Like, you know, like to me, also everything's the bare minimum. Like when people are like, uh, seem so fascinated, like I can't believe you do all this and joke all this. I don't have a choice. What else am I gonna do? Like, that's just like how my brain works. Like, I have to get up and record the podcast. I can't not upload a podcast every Tuesday. I mean, even recently, like the newsletter for girls who collab, like I stopped through the newsletter. And it's just one of those things that like I just finally let myself be and let go of it. And letting go of that without being hard on myself is really great progress for me. But literally after every single therapy session I have, my therapist is like, Have you given yourself credit? I'm like, of course not, because that's that's who I am. Um but also too is is a part of like the trauma of my type A-ness, and what keeps me grounded is accomplishing things and having control over what I can control and letting go of the things I don't really have control over. So I actually thought about some things about things that make me feel like if you're someone that's more type B, right? And you're again, you might not give a fuck. You might be like, I'm type B, I'm happy about being type B, I'm chilling, I'm cool, it's working for me. But if you're someone that just wants like a little bit more organization in your life and a little bit more like discipline and drive and to like create habits in order to pursue what you what you want, or you're juggling a lot of stuff. Um, I did sit down and think about like what are some of the things that I do in order to feel like more accomplished that I think that could translate into a guide into being more type A. Like this is type A management camp. Okay, the first one is a to-do list. And I know this sounds really like obvious and juvenile, but truly having just like an ongoing to-do list in my phone makes me a see all the things I've accomplished, which I which I think feeds my ego, you know. And secondly, just like keeps me on track. Like if I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, sometimes I'm like, okay, what do I have to do next? I just look at my to-do list. Like it just adds just that little bit more of structure. And I do do the one that like is in my notes app and is the like checklist that I can like press the thing and it's a check. Um and I have three right now that are um that aren't. Aren't done. But like literally right now, I'm adding record podcasts, edit podcast. Cause like I know I need to do that. But seeing that I've had this in on there three times, um, you know, it's like it's like, hell yeah. Like I've edited in a week or two weeks, I've edited and recorded two podcasts, and that's cool of me. Like I'm on my shit. You know what I mean? Like it's just like a little ego boost. Um, but that's one thing that I do that I actually started doing. I used to always write it down, but I like having it in my phone now because it feels just a little bit more seamless. And I always have it. Okay, another one is so my motto is um, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. And that is just like mildly anticipating things that you have to do. And it could be like, you know how like when you go out or you get ready, or maybe I just do this, but I thought all girls do this. So it's like, okay, I have dinner at seven. That means, and I know it takes me an hour and a half to do my hair and makeup. So that means I have to start getting ready and then it's gonna take 20 minutes to Uber. So then, so that means I have to leave by 640. And that means I have to kind of, or the Uber at 635. So that means I kind of have to start getting ready at four. So that means if I also have to shower though, that means I have to start getting ready at 3:30. Like you do like that back backwards math, kind of like how I operate when it comes to doing literally anything. I start at like what I want to accomplish and I work backwards of like what do I need to get there? So, like, okay, if I know I'm eating a friend on a coffee shop the next day, before I go to bed, I'm like, okay, what do I need to take? I need to take my computer and my phone. What are two things that need to be happening with my computer and my phone? They need to be charged. So before I go to bed, hook my computer up to the charger, make sure my phone is charging or is charged before I leave. Okay, if I want to start a podcast, okay, the end result is a podcast. Working backwards, what do I have to do? I need a cover photo, I need a jingle, I need a microphone, um, I need to figure out how to edit it. Like working backwards, like what do I need to do to get to my goal? Um, because I think having the goal and then working backwards kind of puts it more into fruition. Um, what what needs to be done in the steps you could take? Like, I think it's better to, I think it's easier to compartmentalize that and to see it on paper and to like think backwards. Um, and so that's like with the motto like if you say you don't have to get ready. Also, too, before I go out, like it's one thing that feels so time consuming, but I know it's not, but sometimes makes or breaks me going out or being late or on time is packing my purse. Because for some reason, like all my stuff is in different bags, plate, you know, my wallet's in this purse. My keys are here. If I take a lip gloss, a lip liner, and a lip stain, those are in my drawer. Um, I have to take out the purse, get the purse. Like if I it's a designer purse, it's in the dust bag in the box. Like I have one of those beds that has storage on the need. Do I have to lift up the damn fucking um Do I have to lift up my bed to get it? All those things feel so time con time consuming to me. So I do that. Again, I I do the last steps first because it makes me feel like I'm being productive. Also, too, when it comes to like hair, makeup, nails, dinner reservations, right? Think backwards. I don't know what I'm doing in two months from now, but am I gonna make it better? But when I just think about a restaurant that I want to go to, I'm gonna make the reservation first. And then I'm gonna figure out who's gonna go afterwards, right? Like I'm gonna go to, I'm gonna do first available. If I stay ready, I don't have to get ready. I don't have to ponder if I can get one because I'll have one 30 days from now. You know what I mean? Working backwards, I guess. Like my motto is if you stay ready, you don't get ready. If you say ready, you don't have to get ready. But it is like working think backwards, is I guess my other tip. I really only have three that I feel like are tangible because being type A is a behavior, behavior thing. Okay, but the third thing, and again, like I just feel like these are like concrete and tangible tips, is making a plan. 30 days, 60 day, 90 day plan. What do you want your 30 days, 60 days, 90 days to look like? And it could be literally like, okay, in 30 days, I would like to save a certain amount of money. Fun fact, full-time job, I get paid monthly. So my money for the month is my money for the month. Ain't other shit coming in unless I like do some collabs or something. So literally my 30, 60 day, 30, 69-day goal is how much money I can save within that time frame if I can't do it. I try not to be too hard on myself because again, inflation, I'm just a girl. But like, um, but that helps me again like see like what what what do I want to see from myself or what do I want to see from um my goals within that? How can I make that tangible and realistic? Um, and that's why I talked about the SMART goals. Honestly, the SMART goals that I talked about in the last episode are super important and been super helpful. So my therapist has um introduced them to me. And sometimes they're like goals within relationships, but I've just taken it and applied it to myself because the one relationship that should be the most important relationship you have with yourself. And there's actually another thing my therapist has asked me. She's like, what are your intrinsic and extrinsic internal and external validators? That is an assignment I am still working on. She asked me that probably a month ago, but it's it remains true. Um and I actually have those on a sticky note on my computer, like my 30, 60 day, 30, 30, 60, 90 day day goals. Like constantly checking in with yourself adds some structure. Like it's like an outline, basically. And having an outline, like when you write a paper, when you do anything, is so worthwhile and is very easy to kind of like again come back to or compart compartmentalize, or just having it out all on paper is just super helpful. It's helpful for me. I think seeing it, I think a lot of people are visual learners. And so seeing it written out reaffirms what you're trying to do or trying to accomplish or trying to be. And maybe it's like, yeah, I would like to go on a trip within 90 days. Oh, I would like to um lose five pounds within 90 days. I would like to gain certain muscle within 90. Like it can literally be whatever. It could be fun, it could be h I would love to, you know, get a massage every 90 days. Like just checking into yourself with in with yourself is is the thing that in in your wants and your needs is important in order to keep yourself on track and like kind of have that discipline. And too, when you write it out, it kind of becomes like law. Like it may be because I did take some law classes that I'm like, it's kind of like a contract. I view it as a contract for myself. Like if it's written out, I have to do it. I don't want to see my little bubble on my phone not filled in. Does make me feel good about that? Like, I don't want to disappoint myself. And that's another thing, too, about being type A. Again, and that's what I said too about the princessness or whatever of it, is that I refuse to disappoint myself. And I refuse, and I don't like disappointment, I don't like disappointment with my partners, my friends, and not myself. So that also holds me accountable into doing what I want to do. I mean, it's the fact that I will scold myself if I don't because I'm crazy and there's something that's not wrong with me. But um yeah, but that's just like what I hold to be important. So those are my three tips about if you want to just be a little bit more intentional and type A about your um time or your or create more type A habits for yourself. But if you want to be type B, you know, more power to you. Especially too, again, Sav's example made me made me have a little bit more sympathy for the type B's, but but, but, but, but, but. And so on's type B-ness and fringes on my type aness, me no likey. So that's okay. That's really all I have, guys. Thank you guys for listening to another episode of Go Get Hers. My name is Elise. If you want to follow us on Instagram, pretty pleased. Um, it's at go get go get hers podcast. And my username's in the bio too. If you want to see what I'm doing around Chicago, I mean, I think I'm starting to come out of my shell and and do a little bit more. And I think April is actually a really exciting month for me because I'm like going to some concerts and well, one concert, but I'm eating out more. You know, you get some good recs, I think. So, anyways, see you next week.