Same, But Different

On this episode of Go Get Hers, Alyse dives into the idea that we may all be women, but the journey into womanhood looks wildly different for everyone. From the way we dress to where we grew up, the friendships we had, the relationships that shaped us, and the versions of femininity we were taught to admire — no two experiences are the same. 

“Same, but Different” explores the pressure to compare your timeline, aesthetic, success, or identity to other women, while learning that there’s no one right way to grow into yourself. Whether your journey has been messy, confident, delayed, unconventional, or constantly evolving, this episode is a reminder to stop rushing the process and start appreciating the person you’re becoming along the way.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Go Get Hers. I miss Corinne. Honestly, like having a co-host was really fun. And which I feel like is different than interviewing someone, you know? Cause I mean, at the end of the day, I think the reason why we were so giggly is because that's how we act all the time. And I remember one time we had um, like we like scheduled to hang out and we played tennis. Then we went to breakfast afterwards. One of those things where we were like, why did we pick this activity as our catch up time when we have so much to say and giggle about shit? So that was fun. But speaking of Corinne, the fact that she clocked my tea in the episode where she says that Elise is liable to change her mind about her opinions and about things that she thinks or knows to be true, I will say she is right. She did not steer you guys wrong. She gave an insight into how I actually am, how I come up here, how I actually am are the same but different. That makes sense. So, with that being said, you know how I went on record in the last episode saying that Travoli Tavern is the worst place in Chicago and is very underrated. Overrated, I mean, guess who was at Travoli Tavern this past weekend? Me. I was there. And you know, I didn't go to eat food though. And I will say, my explanation was that if I'm going to pick a hogshalt restaurant to go to, I'm not going to bend over backwards to go to Trivoli. Usually it's a bend over backwards type of situation. Bavett's, we all know, or let me say, for those who don't know, Bavett's is a very popular restaurant in Chicago. Um, it has gotten more popular as time has gone on. I first went in 2020 and it was the best restaurant I ever had. I never heard of it until someone put me on. Favorite restaurant ever since. My goal in life, if I have any, is to go to Bivett's quarterly. Um, now it used to be really easy to get a reservation. Now it is a nightmare to try to get a reservation. Even I struggle to get reservations now, and I used to pride myself in getting a reservation and everyone being like, How do you get reservations? I'm like, girl, you just gotta be online at 9 a.m. 21 days in advance, and you have to um click the button. Like, what's the problem? Now, not so easy. I think there's bots buying them up, whatever. It's stressful. That's why I haven't been this year yet, which is shameful and hard for me to say. And I like want to cry thinking about it. Also, too, because I just saw one of my friends yesterday go for the first time, and I wish I could relive Bivettes for the first time again. Anyways, so that is the operation for Bivettes. Very hard to get into, um, very hard to secure reservation. You can walk in sometimes, though. I've had luck not being able to get like even a drink at Guilt Bar, CCO Mio, and then we go into Bivett's and we get sat right away and be able to get drinks. So that was like a very interesting turn of events at one time. But anyways, Trivoli kind of is is the same way. 21 days in advance, 9 a.m. Um, Armitage Alehouse is another hog salt restaurant that kind of follows the same cadence. When I went to New York, we went to Monkey Bar, which is also a hog salt restaurant. I tried to do the same thing. It said I wasn't like VIP enough to get a reservation. I got really upset. But then there's a bar, but then there's the main room that we went and figured it out, and um ended up getting sad within 30 minutes and everything worked out. So I love a hog salt reservation or a hog salt restaurant. Um, so with all that being said, all that rigamorole, I'm not gonna do that for every restaurant. I'm gonna do it for a restaurant I actually want to go to. That's a hog salt one. Armitage alehouse, worth it. Um, they're like a London pub. Like I go there, I get a pot pie, you know. And again, these are places you can walk in through the probably during the week, especially as it gets nice out, get a patio reservation sit right away. And I kind of hate though how Chicago has just become this huge stressful thing with reservations because believe it or not, I'm like starting to like go into like my um last minute era. Like I love, I love when me and my friends have something on the calendar, have something to look forward to, right? But I'm kind of like, I'd rather just wake up and see what the weather's gonna be and then like decide what I want to do. It used to be a hair thing. Now I feel like I have my schedule so aligned up that I'm like my hair's not holding me back. You know, I'm just gonna go with, I'm just gonna go with the flow. Also, to say last episode that I really go out on Saturdays. That was winter release. Summer release, a day drink on a Saturday is fun, you know, because I can then still do what I've said, and that is be productive on Sunday. I record the podcast on Sundays um because there's always something going on. And I'm gonna actually get to that because imagine if I would record it a day earlier than what I'm about to tell you in a minute, okay? But I did do a little day drinking situation on Saturday. I did kind of schedule that on a Tuesday, but still, like I, you know, a day drinking situation is fun. Um, but that's how I ended up at Trivoli. We started at Pizza Lobo, which is really, really fun. Or it's new. I've it's always been actually on my restaurant list, like very high up, because I heard they had a good patio. Um, but I think the original one, the first one's in Andersonville. I'm not really sure. So they opened up one in Westloo. Also has a really cute like back patio. I thought that place was awesome and amazing. Like, I want that to be my go-to spot in the summer. Like day drinking, starting somewhere, let's start at Pizza Lobo. Because they're priced how places actually should be priced. You know what I mean? Like, I'm I am kind of over like this like overpriced shit that is not, it's not giving. Like the food's not good or the the service is bad, or um the portions are small. Like, if I'm gonna eat out, I'm gonna starve all day to eat out. I'm sorry. I I naturally am, or I'm gonna like I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna get some calories. If I'm counting calories, or I'm thinking about the calories or the drinks, I'm waiting until I leave the house. That's also why I haven't made a drink at home in a while. Cause I'm like, I would rather say this when I go outside. You know, I know it's overpriced, whatever, but like I'm using my money how I want to use my money. So, anyways, pizza lobo, they have $5 shots. Their drinks were $12. Mind you, my Aperol was not in the correct glass. Um, that did bother me to a degree. Their dirty martini also seemed to not be in a glass that I find to be appropriate. I think it should be a martini glass, me personally. Um, but their pizza was really good. You could add like a drizzle on top. I thought it was phenomenal. I really, really enjoyed it. And again, I and I like I have duality, right? We talked about I really enjoy a really nice cocktail, but I also enjoy a dive bar. One of my favorite places, actually, in Chicago is ooh, maybe that's what I meant to say last week is Clark Street Alehouse. I love me some Clark Street Alehouse. It's a dive bar in River North. And I think what's what makes it so um special to me is that it is like there's not much places like River North. Like, I'm a proud River North rat. I know River North is bougie and X, Y, and Z, but I love a dive bar. And again, like River North doesn't have that many places. So this pla feels like it kind of feels displaced from River North, but they have a back patio. That's cute. They have free popcorn. Um, again, they am the only ones that really have hot toddies in the winter. I don't think I actually got a hot toddy from that this winter, which is actually criminal upon reflection. And I love, you know, just a beer. I love a fireball shot. Like there's certain times where certain things are warranted. And sometimes just a little dye bar chill situation is warranted. Sometimes a more fancy cocktail is warranted. So that is kind of what I got into this weekend. And again, the reason I just wanted to bring an example to how Corinne clocks my tea in that way, because I indeed was at Trivoli. Oh, that's where I was going with this. Is that after Pizza Lobo, we went to Trivoli, sat outside because it was nice, and the little courtyard is cute, okay? Like, whatever. I didn't get food again because I just ate. Um, I got a Hugo, we just got one. I actually will say this though, and I think this is why I'm kind of like getting a little irritated with restaurants, is that this is the second time this has happened, and sometimes I want to be like, what's up your guys' asses to the hostess? Do you guys know that episode of Sex in the City where they try to go to was it bed or what or something? I don't know. But the but the hostess was like kind of a bitch, and then Carrie ended up giving her a tampon and they ended up getting able to get back in. No, it couldn't have been bed, it was somewhere else. But that episode though, where Samantha was like, does she know who we are? And she was just kind of like an asshole. And then yeah, I said, like I said, then Carrie gave her a tampon in the bathroom, then they were able to get in, and she was more accommodating. That's how I feel about some of these hostesses nowadays, that they're just like assholes for no reason. And just like, are you guys looking at the screen? Are you just like saying stuff? Like, huh? Anyways, so we went to um Tiroly Tavern and like there's open seats outside, and we're like, Yeah, we just want to sit outside, get a drink. Like, what would be the weight? She's like, Well, you will be the first on the wait list. Like, we're going on a cancellation basis, but like we'll text you when a table's ready. Sure. Perfect. So in that little courtyard, there's Green Street Smoke Meets, also a hog salt restaurant. There also is a um ramen place in the basement called High Five Ramen, which is delicious. Also hog salt. So we go to the bar at Green Street Smoke Meets, and of course, as soon as we get these big fat margaritas, we get a text that our tables ready. So now I have to chug my margarita. Now I'm on top of the pizza and the Aperols I just had. I gotta chug this margarita because I'm not gonna let alcohol go to waste. Michigan State raised me, so maybe it's the Michigan State girl in me, but I'm chugging this drink and I'm full. And then we have to race over to Trivoli. When Home Girl knew that she could have sat us right then and there, because I'm sure there wasn't a cancellation within the five minutes, 10 minutes. We were right next door. Like that's irritating. And then that also happened to me when I went to um Lazy Bird. When me and one of my friends went to the Laney concert, we went to Lazy Bird before. And we walk in and girls like, oh, it's open, you know, first come, first serve, except like the tables. Okay, cool. But there's so many open spots. So I so then I go back up there. I'm like, hey, actually, would it be possible to get a table? Like, how long would the wait be for a table? She's like, um, let me look. So the same thing about the this cancellation bullshit. And then was like, well, come back in 20 minutes and then like we'll see if you can be sad. What is the 20 minutes gonna do, bitch? You like, and again, there's no cancellations. Just tell me what time I have to be up. That is the alternative row. Just say we have a reservation at 7:30. It's now 6:30, I need you up by 7.15. Okay, perfect. Bring me my bill at 7.15. I've had people do that all the time. So it's I've seen it be done. That's how I know that's an option. You tell me to come back in 20 minutes, like, because you just hope I leave or hope I like give up. Not me, not Die, not Elisa Alexandra Alston. No, not Miss Leo's son, Libra Rising, Gemini Moon. Okay, especially not my Gemini moon. Because now when you send me though, now I'm gonna have an attitude. And that's just me being honest with myself. And my last thing about my rant about Chicago seating restaurants, if you are a restaurant and you have a bar that's not like an open bar, it's a get sat at bar, and you do not put on open table that that is an option that you are going to be sat at, or have that as like an option. You know how some people have like outdoor bar, high top, standard seating, dining room, whatever. If you don't have any of those options and I come in as a tucsome and you sit me at the bar, and you're like an expensive, nice, fancy restaurant. I am going. I if you can okay, I can go somewhere. The food can be phenomenal, amazing. Restaurant can be gorgeous, whatever. But if I have a bad customer service experience, when someone asks me, is the restaurant good? I'm gonna say no. That's going to be my review. That now trumps the review. The reason why I love Bavett so much is because the vibes, the ambiance, the service, the drinks, the food, everything is a 10 out of 10. I have never been disappointed. I have gone some years I've gone four times a year, this year, zero times, which is a casualty. But like, you know, other years I've gone twice. Like, I know how my bets is supposed to run. I know what I'm getting when I go. The portion sizes are large. I'm going to leave with some leftovers. I know the drinks are gonna be fire. Also, I would like to say go and get the chocolate martini. Their chocolate martini is phenomenal. Chocolate martinis need to be the newest breast martini. I'm actually gonna bring that back this year. But, anyways, I know what I'm getting out of there. So when I go to a restaurant that's supposed to be comparable or supposed to be like the next best thing, and and they're doing all the it's a fusion restaurant, and they're combining this and this and this and this and this and this. That's all great and dandy, but your service sucks, and you sat me at the bar, and that's not what I signed up for. I signed up for the standard seating general dining room. I didn't sign up to be watching them make the quesadillas on the side to me. Like then you have one guy being the waiter for the bar and making the drinks, so my service is exponentially slower. No, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm going to say that the restaurant sucks, and I'm not gonna be happy. There's two places that's that happened to me before Boca, which is a Michelin star restaurant, and I went for restaurant week, whatever, and they set me at the bar. I was irritated then. It just happened this one time at this place called Mira in Bucktown. And I have the same, I have the same review. It sucks because that's all I can think about is that I didn't enjoy my time there. I didn't enjoy the ambiance. My my my um sling back wedges are dangling off the chair because I didn't I didn't dress to be sitting on this high top because it said standard dining when I selected the thing and you and you weren't forthcoming with the fact that I might be set at the bar. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. I am a paying customer and I expected to be treated as such. I've been telling people lately that the thing that's been frustrating me about this current dynamic of the world in the land of the grift is what I like to call it now, since um that that seems to be the the the current stage of capitalism that we're in is just grift at this point. I've been telling my friends, I don't like that I'm viewed now as a consumer versus a customer. Customers are like customers always right. We want the experience to be great for the customer, we want you know their shopping experience to be great. We want to provide great customer service, you know, we want them to to rave and review about us, like we want them to keep coming back. Like we we we we love the opinion of the customer, and the opinion of the customer is what gives us leverage as a company and we want them to come keep coming back. Now, in the land of the grift, that's not the messaging and that's not the cadence of in which businesses are now being ran. The cadence in which businesses are being ran now is that we are consumers. So being viewed as a consumer to me means that they set a price, I buy it. I'm just consuming what they're putting out. They don't care if I like it, they don't care if I love it, they don't care if I hate it, they don't care if it's overpriced, they don't care if I never come back. They're not doing anything to keep me as a paying customer, as a returning customer. They just view me as their producer. I'm a consumer. It's just merely just business. There, there's no relationship, emotional relationship that's going on between me and this company. And I don't like that. That's not how it's been for the past, I don't know, 28 years of my life or past 28 years of my life. I'm now about to be 32. So I'm saying there's a four-year gap in between the things that have been going on um in this country, in my opinion, and the shift in capitalism. And it's starting to really drive me fucking nuts because again, like things are being becoming more expensive, things are shrinking, okay? Shrinking. And I'm supposed to just be like, get what you get and don't throw a fit. I don't think so. Again, not for Lisa Alexandra Alston. It's not gonna work for my Leo Sun, Libra Rising, Gemini Moon, especially not my Gemini Moon, okay. I actually, so um, I own a creative network called Girls Who Collab. And uh two weeks ago, we did like a little progressive dinner in Chicago. And it was so fun. Like I still think about like, I'm like, that was a perfect kickoff to summer. Like I feel like that really set the tone. Um, and so we hopped around to different places in Chicago. So we did like happy hour at Cash Cash 310, which is in the loop, which if anyone listens, used to be after bar. Um, and so it's like in that little like plaza off to the side in the middle of the loop, like across from the train station. And they had a really good happy hour, and then we went to LaSaire for dinner, and then we went to um Carbon for like afters. And we get in the car. I ordered two Ubers to go to LaCre and I order an XL, and we get in the XL, and the guy's like, we have five people. I ordered two XLs because we had eight girls, so I wanted all of us to be comfortable. Okay, I didn't want us to be squish and squirrel. And there was one time that I was in a car with three girls in the back, and we were like in like a tiny little bolt or whatever. That was the day I vowed that I would never get um a car like this again. Like it's it's not I can't be uncomfortable. I'm too old for this. Like, I can't be smushed in a car. I'll just pay the extra money. So I pay the extra money for Excel. So we have two rows, four girls each car. And we're like, can you let down the back? He's like, Well, how many people do you have? I literally was like, I was like, we have four, but I paid for an Excel and I expect to have the Excel functions, which is the extra row. So how do we I let the seat back? Like, I'm sorry. Don't ask me how many people I have. I ordered an Excel. You are providing a service to me. Like, and I think again, this is where it's starting, it's it's starting to, we're starting to lose the plot. That's not my prop fault that Uber doesn't pay you enough or whatever, what the fun, what the what the percentage is. That's actually not my problem. You signed up to to Uber for to drive for Uber. You're providing a service. Your service is to pick me up and take me where I'm going um safely. Okay. That that is your role in the service that you're providing. I am the paying customer. Again, I don't whatever cut you have with Uber, that's not my problem. Okay. All I can do is show up and tip if I decide to. So if I order Excel and you try to tell me that one of my friends can sit in the front, my answer is going to be no, because I picked an Excel for a reason. I want the extra row. I want us to each have our own seats. We no one has to sit in the middle. And I don't, and you're not going to tell me where we can sit and where we can't sit. Because again, I ordered an Excel. You are providing a service. So after I literally had to like get an attitude and say that to him, then he shut up. And then, of course, unfortunately for me, I had to take it a step further and I like set it on my breath. And I was sitting in the middle because then I was like, you know what? I just at least you're gonna go too far. So then only one person got in the back, and then I'm sitting in the middle. I'm like, I think you're forgetting you're providing a service. And I was so glad he didn't hear me because I really was scared he was gonna like skrr, pull over the car, tell me to get out, which is his right, which would have been his right. He could have been like, Look, you can get in here and you can tell me where you're not gonna sit because you're a paying customer, but you're also not gonna disrespect me in my car. And that would have been fine. Honestly, I'd have been like, you know what? That was on me. Um, and I shouldn't have said that. So I'm glad he didn't hear me because otherwise, too, that would just would have derailed the evening. But what I was gonna say about me being delayed or me changing the day that I record because there's always some news that comes out. Guess who is pregnant, everyone? My girl Alex Cooper. My girl Alex Cooper's pregnant. Honestly, she announced it yesterday morning. First thing I saw when I woke up, she looks about five months to me. So I don't know how she like went on the radar for that long and and no one clocked it, but I'm so happy for her. I love her. Honestly, you know me. I don't like Alex Earl, but I like Alex Cooper, and that's just how it's always going to be. But yeah, I'm happy for her. But now, kind of funny because now if Alex Earl kind of says something to her, like you can't be, you can't shit on a pregnant lady. You know, not now you really can't say what you need to say. Like she's kind of off limits now. So that makes it even funnier to me. Um, but I don't know if you guys know this, but I have a sixth sense for people being pregnant. I have predicted so many pregnancies this year. And just from the mere fact of just observation, from just a feeling, I wake up randomly. Like literally, I thought last week I was like, I wonder if Alex Cooper's pregnant. And then I saw her in a photo in New York, and then she clearly wasn't. So I was like, oh, maybe she's not pregnant, you know? But um, so yeah, I have a sixth sense for that. I predicted two of my friends' pregnancies, three of my friends' pregnancies this year, actually. Um I have predicted two other people's. I just I just have a feeling, just a feeling that I have. Actually, circling back to the girls who collab dinner that I said that I had, um, that just made me realize how womanhood manifests in everyone differently. And especially one thing I think I've come to struggle with or realize um lately is like finally finding my style as a soon-to-be 32-year-old. You know, like I think I have clean out my closet quite a few between college and living, um, between college and like living at home and the moon Chicago, and then even between departments. Like I really throw things out. Um, and also too, like I dress very simple. Like I'm a very simple dresser. Less is more to me. I don't too do much on the accessories. I wear the same rings every time. Like honestly, being a part-time influencer isn't really working because I don't buy clothes that much. As much as people think I do, I actually don't. Everything that I have, clothes I've I wear, I've had for a long time. Because I've, again, maybe just like I'm just a I'm just a plain dresser. And I have a very just like like simple, elegant um style too, that it just it it ages well. Um, even with like this return of Calvin Klein because of the love story show that came out with uh Carolyn Bassett and RF RFK, oh my goodness. No, no, no. I would never ever disrespect you like that. JFK Jr., like I've been on Calvin Klein. Like me and my mom love Calvin Klein. I had so many Calvin Klein clothes, like whatever. So it what made me realize when we went to dinner was just like everyone's manifestation of adulthood and womanhood is different. And that is like usually expressed in clothes. And again, like I feel like I've I struggled to a degree this year, even like finding um what my style, especially in the winter. Like I I hate winter, I hate layers, I hate having a whole bunch of like what I call loose items, which is like, why are you wearing a jacket with a sweater over your shoulders? To me, that looks kind of dumb. You know, because what do you why do you have on a jacket? Why do you have on a coat? A jacket, a sweater over your shoulders. What are you doing with all those things? And then this becomes loose items, and I'm not good with loose items, as we were talking about with Corinne and Uber and stuff. So I just hate later and I hate the winter. So I feel like my style gets lost in the winter. I also wear a lot of black. I also wear a lot of like white and navy. And that's not even necessarily like my favorite colors. So I summer is where I thrive. Like I just like a cute top and jeans is me, or a trouser and a top. Um and every time I'm trying to like freak out about what to wear, also, and I go on my drawer, I'm like, what are these tops, Elise? Like these are teeny tiny. I also want to add the caveat that my boobs have exponentially grown since I was 28. Yeah. Now they're like huge, huge for me, especially as a girl who thought she was gonna be flat-chested. Like I have an aunt that's kind of flat-chested, and so it was also always a running joke with my mom that I was gonna also be flat-chested. Um, and mind you, every other woman in my family had big boobs, so like I didn't really have much um until I went through like my second puberty at 28, which some girls know, some girls girls don't. And all of a sudden I just got boobs. And then too, I think when I turned 30 and my my um metabolism progress like slowed. I would say that it just like stalled and gave up, but um my boobs have grown even more. And I'm not gonna get too much into it. I don't need to get into my boobs, but they're just they're big. So all these all these little tops and my boobs aren't cooperating with each other at the moment. And so trying to find my style, what I'm comfortable with, what I like feel, you know, grown an adult in, but also like I've realized I don't like to be really sexualized. Like, although like I do wear tops, sometimes it's like my boobs look good in, they look big. I also don't like to be sexualized. I don't like that feeling. I don't like it when I know there's a man around and he's just looking at me because of what my chest is doing when I'm just like nearly existing. You know, like I don't like that feeling. And I used to always describe it as like, I don't like when I'm around men that look like they want to eat me and not eat me in like in a good way, in like a no, he would like tear me to flesh because he's just like rabbin and feral way. Like there's a vibe that comes off of that. And I've been around a couple guys like that, and I'm like, I feel really, really, really uncomfortable. But yeah, but being at that dinner made me realize like I kind of described what I thought the vibes were going to be and what the outfits were going to be, or like what I thought the dress code was gonna be. I was like bold, color, animal print, whatever. And I remember one of my friends was like, Well, majority of my stuff is packed right now because I'm going on a trip. So like uh it's more gonna be simple. And in my mind, I'm like, okay, but you're simple, you're simple as my bold. So like I know you got in the bag, whatever, you're fine. But everyone just showed up wearing completely different things, interpreted completely differently, which is fine. And I again I'm I'm saying that to say that I I love how it manifests in every single person. Like every person's outfit was indicative of their style and what they're comfortable in and their definition of bold and what makes them feel beautiful and hot for a girl's night out because that was the premise was a girl's night out. Like I end up wearing capris, I'm really into caprice right now. I wore like wedge, like I really love 90s style. Again, very simple, um, but like seemingly elegant clothing. Um, again, and less is more. So I wore like a cheetah halter print top um from Aritzia. I wore some capri's. I recently got these Jeffrey Campbell uh like wedge heels. So like pen mother wedge and cheetah print and capri's, like how more 90s can you get? Um and it was like a high neck, cute. Um, some other girls wore like, like one girl just wore like a plain orange dress, which was really, really pretty. I loved. She also wore that on my birthday, loved. Or like a bold skirt and a plain top, added a leather jacket. One of my friends is really into like mesh knit things right now. So she wore like a skirt, a long skirt and like a mesh overlay, um, and then like a plain shirt. And it was so cute. Like, and it was so her style, so girls night out. Like, and we're all in different stages of our life. We're all doing different things, even to the thing that Girls Who Collab has made me notice, and something that I really, really enjoy and love to witness is how we can all be sitting at the same table, group of eight girls, and what we dish out is different, and our perspectives are different, our punch lines are different. Cadence and how we like describe something is different. Um, our angles are different, our level of detail is different, what we include, what we don't include, how we put together something. All of it is so different. And I just feel honestly very honored and fulfilled that I surround myself with girls who are the same but different, you know? Same in that we love making content, we're creative, we are, you know, mostly like-minded in the fact that like what our morals and ethics and what we stand for are all aligned, but we're different in how we express those morals and values, how we dress, um, like the different stages of life that we're in, even like down to our different neighborhoods. Like my parents were actually just visiting for Mother's Day weekend, and my parents, I think, kind of realize how big Chicago was, even though I've lived here for forever. Or maybe they were just like more vocal about how big Chicago is. And the thing about Chicago being so big and having so many neighborhoods is that there truly is a neighborhood for everyone, right? Like one time I made a video online about River North, and all I said, and people come for me all the time, I'm a proud River North rat. I think everyone should do what's code what's conducive for their own lifestyle. My job, my office is down the street from me. I live in River North because all the restaurants I like to go to are in River North. I like being without within walking distance. It's also the most central part of Chicago, so I don't have a car. So I love that I can jump on the red line, then transfer to the blue or whatever line I need to get on. Like it's conducive for my lifestyle, right? And as a single woman, I prefer to live in a high rise with a doorman that's 24-7 because I feel safe. I wouldn't necessarily feel safe in a walk-up of some sort. I mean, I I would if it's like a safe area, but I don't have to second guess it when I'm living in a high rise. There's something for everyone, even every street within every neighborhood is different. So even to like all the girls that were there, we all live in different neighborhoods. Um, some live in Bucktown, some live in Westloop, some live in River North, some live in Old Town. And I feel like even to our day-to-day lives are different. We're all in different, you know, all in different life um moments. You know, some of us have been dating our man for a long time. We're doing content creation full-time. Other girls, like we're single, like we're just getting into it. Other girls just moved here from somewhere else in and live in Bucktown. Um, I mean, and most of us were in our 30s. It was one girl that was 24, but most of us are like in our late 20s, early 30s, early even even met mid-30s. Like we range from 24 to like 36, which is, I think, the great, the best demographic. You can relate and you can have these conversations, you can giggle, you can have a laugh. Like, we still have things in common. And two, like the thing about me is that I have always said I love diversity, I preach diversity. I grew up in a very diverse town. So when I make them invite lists for girls who collab events, I make sure to hone in on diversity. I do the best that I can, but like again, diversity is really at the forefront when I'm making the list. So there's black girls, there's a mixed girl, um, there's a Latina, there's white girls, there's power to that, right? To surround yourself with people who are the same but different. It made me have a realization about myself and my own journey and everyone's journey, I think, in womanhood, that it looks different for everyone. There's no one size fits all. How you express yourself and how you start to express yourself in your 30s, I think is a very powerful thing. That, you know, you find your style. You find what speaks to you, who speaks to you, who you want to surround yourself with, your frontal lobe, and I'm about to go so science, but your frontal lobe really is dictating your expression. And and to know that as a science major and to see that in content and who I surround myself with, and it's like nature versus nurture too, right? Right. Like living in Chicago, I think I'll also start to realize that everyone wasn't raised like me, you know, and I am going to have to be flexible in realizing how people were raised and what's important to them, what's not important to them, while also like having boundaries and expecting like them to express their boundaries to me, and I accept that and and navigate around that and vice versa. And like how you just kind of become just so much more like confident in your life path when you're 30. I think, and and I say that as a girl who every day I wake up and I say, What am I doing with my life? And I evaluate what I'm doing, and then at first I'm hard on myself. I'm like a star-patch kid. First, I'm hard on myself, then I come to terms with the fact that like that's my emotional brain. I saw my therapist. That's my emotional brain talking, not my logic brain. What am I doing with my life? Well, I'm doing quite a few things. I live by myself, I have my own apartment, I have a creative network, I have a good job, I do a podcast every week. Like, I look back at these experiences that I have with my friends and see who I'm surrounded with. And I'm surrounded by accomplished ass, cool ass women that work hard, that have good jobs, that live alone, decorate their apartment nice, have their own personalities, dress well, are funny, are witty, know how to throw a video up, like are dependable, like just are from different places, look different. Like the fact that I can see the fruits of our labor and that labor being in our 20s come to fruition in these women makes me have more grace for myself in my own journey into womanhood. I have obviously gone through a very traumatic childhood with losing my brother, to then going to college, thinking like, oh, I'm I'm skating. Honestly, I felt like I'm skating. I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing. You know, I'm gonna get a job, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to college, I'm gonna get a job, I'm gonna do this, this, this, and this, to being in a serious serious relationship that I thought I was gonna marry that person, realizing I didn't want to marry that person, getting out of that relationship, then teetering and being like, hmm, am I doing the right thing? Whatever, doubting myself, coming to terms with the fact that, like, no, this is actually I knew this decision at 26, the decision I'm making now at 29 again or 30 again. To then being almost 32 and being like, okay, I'm still teetering on what I'm supposed to be doing or what I want, but I trust myself and trust that I am on the right path. And the people that I'm surrounding myself are on the right path, even though their path looks different than my path, all these different things in life brought me to this moment to have this self-reflecting moment of being like, if I would have done this, this, this, and this, and this, I wouldn't even be in this room with these girls, right? If this girl hadn't broken with this guy and da-da-da-da-da-da, and then they moved to Chicago, whatever, they would never be in their this room with me. If they wouldn't have moved and met this person and I didn't sign up for dupe and do this, this, that person wouldn't be in this room with me. If I wouldn't have made this video, then like all those things, all those little sneak synchronicities have brought us to this moment, to this area, to this this great life. And by great, I mean like there's always something going on with someone. But to me, on the outside, on a grand scale, we clearly can go out to dinner and spend upwards of $100 each. We can afford it. We obviously can afford new clothes, cute clothes. We obviously can afford an Uber. We obviously can afford to live in an expensive city. We also we obviously can afford these things that most people, some people can't, right? That they're the economy is hard. I think the economy is hard. Am I trying to make, you know, ends meaning doing what I can to cut corners? Absolutely. But I'm still gonna admit that, like, yeah, times are tough and I'm still, but I'm still gonna live life and I'm still gonna, you know, hang out and in this house, I spend time with my friends and X, Y, and Z. I'm saying this all to say, give yourself grace. That is what my therapist constantly reminds me of. That's why I constantly have to remind myself of that the finish line of life does not exist. It doesn't. It doesn't exist. When you get the house, when you get the man, when you get the dog, when you get the kids, when you get all that, is not gonna make you necessarily any happier or the wiser. Let me say that again. All that is not gonna make you any happier or the wiser if you don't step into your own self and give your own self grace and acknowledge your own accomplishments in your own life and what's valuable to you and your being and finding your own sense of self and allowing yourself to just be, you know, just like give yourself grace and be. Be your own person. Wear what you want to wear, hang out with who you like want to hang out with, but like again, but surround yourself with people who uplift you, is what I'm trying to say. Like, hang out with you who you want to hang out with. I choose to hang out with people who are the same but different. And if you don't, I am gonna look at you sideways. There's no cheat code for how to become a woman, what to do in your 20s, what to do once you turn 30, how to feel in your 20s, how to feel in your 30s. The best we can do, or the best I can do at least, is to give advice on how to, or my perspective on how to navigate life changes, being a woman in your 20s, being a woman in your 30s, having hot takes on it. Because womanhood is not one size fits all. Like no one's going to give you permission or the green light to do what you want to do or express yourself how you want to express yourself, to dress how you want to dress, to um be in different life stages, leave a situation you want to leave, leave a job, start a job, get in a relationship, experiment with this, do whatever. No one's gonna give you permission to do that. You have to give yourself permission to do that and have and track your own womanhood journey. And I love that I can sit at a table with eight girls and listen to the to their different perspectives. That, you know, we're the same in that we're women, but we're different in how we've gotten to this table and sat down at this table, what we're bringing to this table, our perspective listen to this table. People try to act like contents like uh da-da-da-da-da-da. Again, it's kind of cool when you look as the creative outlet that it is, and the fact that you're piecing your point of view together to like tell a story. And too, like, I'm only talking about my content friends because this dinner was what made me kind of realize all this and and bring all these thoughts into fruition. But that's not to say, like, all my other friends who are just so from college, from high school, from wherever, are such incredible, cool people that I wish I could have every single one of them on this podcast. Like, you guys would probably like, who is this? But like, I'm like, they're the coolest person I've ever known. They've have so much insight and so much wisdom. And I'm you know, so excited to just like learn so much and see how everyone else's like womenhood journeys transpire, including my own. I I don't know where I could go. I don't know where my friends are gonna go, but I'm very excited that all our different paths have forged us to be where we are right now, and that's in each other's lives. Like next week I'm going to Sedona with my um friends from high school, and this is the first time we've been able to do trips like this, you know, and I feel like I'm gonna be able to get them, get to know them on a deeper level in our womanhood. Like I've known these girls since I was 14. I'm about to be 32. That's a long ass time to know someone. And to see even too how we are on vacation and how we divvy up or what we want to do is gonna be like a ride. It's gonna be cool. It's gonna see, again, be able to see our different perspectives. And you know, maybe I can force them into taking some pictures and post it on Instagram. Like bring back bring back Instagram. But anyways, I'm going on a rant now. But this is just a friendly reminder that womanhood is the same but different. We're all going to experience it, but it's okay that it looks different. And it's okay that it looks different than what you envision because I think everything comes to a head eventually. So that's just my little PSA what this past week has taught me. So thank you guys for listening to another episode of Go Get Hers. My name is Elise, and I will see you next week. Bye.