The Identity Crisis No One Talks About

One day you're convinced you've got life figured out. The next, you're wondering if you've outgrown your career, your hobbies, your style, or the version of yourself everyone else still expects you to be.

In this episode, Alyse unpacks the identity crisis no one warns you about—the quiet ones. The ones that don't come with a dramatic life event, but with the slow realization that you're changing, and how that's both exciting and terrifying. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Go Get Hers. What a weekend. I I don't you know how I say I don't go out on weekends? I think this weekend was a testament as to why I do not, because talk about burning both ends of the candle, as my mom would say. I went out every single night. Well, I went out Friday and Saturday, then had a brunch on Sunday. The hangover from, or not even the hangover, just the feeling of drinking, the feeling that alcohol has has entered my system in some way, shape, or form. I didn't get enough sleep. And then my meals are off for the next day. Like, it's just all the things that come with drinking, if it's not just like a glass of wine or one cocktail or two cocktails. You know, it's it's the cumulative side effects of just being older and drinking. And I will say, like, I know how to drink now. You know, like I know how to not hang have a hangover. Like I rarely have not even rarely have hangovers, but I I make conscious decisions to know how my hangovers are going to affect me the next day. With that being said, so like a dirty martini, I could do like six dirty martinis. I'm Gucci. As soon as you add a wine in or add a beer in or whatever, that's when things go downhill, especially a wine. The sulfates are what makes you hungover. But yeah, so I went out Friday night and I went out with my some of my friends that are my age. The thing about me is that like I can't go to go out and go to one place on a weekend, especially. Okay. I didn't do my hair, my makeup, and walk and do all these things just to go to one place. Like to me, it just feels like a waste of my time. So when the 30-year-olds wanted to go home, I hit up the 20-year-olds and I'm in up with them. Okay. And I stayed out to 1 a.m. and walked home eating my Taco Bell, which was great. It was fun. And 1 a.m. to me, I'm like, cool, cool, calm, collected, whatever. Um, and then Saturday night, I got invited to a club that kind of was full circle, actually. The last time I was there was in 2021, and I had no clue what it was, but I was dating this guy and I was with actually he was out of town and I was with like his brother and his brother's friends, and I no clue what it was. And they like only went on in River North, and I thought they were really cool, whatever. So it's kind of funny. Like now, fast forward five years, I'm like, bitch, now I gotta buy to that singing club and I got the bottle service for free. Now what? You know, you know how like you hang around those people that you think this really have their lives together, and then you feel like you don't. And mind you, this was a feeling I had at 25, 26, and I did just feel like they were so much cooler than me, that they had their lives together, like they had a boat, and they seemed really like firm in their careers and knew where their life was going. And I just always felt kind of like small around them. They never treated me that way, obviously, but I just always felt, yeah, just a little bit like smaller. And I'm like, I'm from middle nowhere, Michigan, and you know, you guys have a family bit. Like I just thought they were, I just thought they were so cool and accomplished. Now that I'm 31, I'm like, and I look back at them and I know more, have more context to them as a whole. I'm like, actually, they weren't better than me at all. So I'm create crazy that I felt that way. Look at me now, that I'm just like this much different, self-assured, set in her ways girl. And I love that evolution for me. And that's an evolution that I hope everyone goes through and a self-actualization that everyone experiences it, experiences because self-actualization is literally, I think, the most rewarding thing to ever happen. Like Maslow's hierarchy of needs is, you know, like that pyramid, and it's like a psychological theory of human motivation. It's like from top to bottom. I feel like I've talked about this before, but the bottom is physiological, the middle is safety, the or the next one is safety, love and belonging, self-esteem or esteem, and self-extralization is the very tippy tippy top. Think of like a food pyramid. So the whole point of the pyramid is that humans must satisfy basic foundational needs like food and safety before they can advance more complex psychological and self-fulfillment needs, like self-esteem and reaching their full potential. So self-exolization is like your flow potential. You're like, I'm here, I'm good, I'm Gucci. Physiological needs, obviously, at the very bottom. So that's kind of like the bare minimum. Like breathing, food, water, sleep, clothing. Safety needs are like personal security, financial security, health and wellness, safety against accidents or injury. Um, love and belonging needs are friendships, romantic attachments, skin relationships, um, the feeling of being part of a community group or organization. And then esteem is self-confidence, personal achievements, recognition from peers, and a sense of competence. And then self-exolation is pursuing creative activities, personal growth, self-awareness, and seeking peak experiences. So, and mind you too, once you reach one, it's not like you can't flow back down to another and and it get disrupted in some way. Like I'm sure it ebbs and flows. But kind of cool when you think about that, that like as humans, these are things that we need to survive and for our mind to develop. And it does go as small as basic human needs, food, shelter, et cetera, right? To you being in love, having great friendships, having great family, having a sense of community, um, and then like pursuing your own personal interests that then transpond or translate into being self-aware and um self-actualized. Honestly, my little thing about like, oh, I left the 30-year-olds to go hang out with the 20-year-olds on Friday did make me think about the fact that like the sense of belonging that in the journey of self-belonging and your like self-identity, I feel like it's a lifelong journey. I have always felt kind of like I'm too white for the black kids, I'm too black for the white kids. Like I have, I don't know if I've ever told the story, but I thought I was Indian until I was third grade. And that says a lot, actually, about me and where I grew up. But I I grew up in a very diverse area that didn't really become diverse in my sense until I got into high school. So my middle school or my elementary school, I was the only black person in first through fifth grade because I went to a lottery elementary school. So like you get chosen or picked out of a pot to go. Like it's not private, it's a public school, but it's a little bit more elevated than the average public school because it's a lottery, whatever. So I was the only black person. And you know me, I'm just like, I'm brown, the Indian kids are brown, so we're the same color. No, some Indian kid told me like I wasn't. So I went home and cried and told my mom I was like, someone told us we're not Indian. And she was like, we're celebrating Kwanzaa this year because what the fuck is wrong with my kids? I also cried when I found out we weren't Republican um in 2005. So because we had to fill out like that little map or whatever when um what was it, Bush, right? W. Um, and so yeah. So I've I've I've gone through this identity crisis of feeling a struggling with feeling a sense of belonging, being from a predominantly white area, having a more elevated vocabulary in comparison to my cousins and other people who didn't grow up in my school system. When I then got to middle school and high school, I always felt like, okay, yeah, so now I'm too white for the black kids because they're actually the ones that are making me feel that way and have said that verbally to my face or have called me Oreo, whatever. And all of it's a bunch of fucking bullshit. And I think that says more about the black people that are saying that than it does about me, obviously. So, and a lot of my friends are white, and I'm not ashamed to um to say that because I know who my white friends are, and not that I'm not gonna be like, I don't see color, but that's literally the least important thing to me. All are you a considerate person? Are you a good person? It doesn't always matter the skin color, but I will say, I actually was just having this conversation with someone recently, that there is a different type of feeling that I get from being around white people, though, who haven't been around successful black women. I do think that is a topic that should be maybe broached and discussed. Um, and I'll just will say it as a blanket statement that me being around specifically insecure white women does not fare well for me and the vibe that they were giving, they're giving off. I'm a very vibe affluent person in that I I can speak the vibe language. You don't have to say shit to me to make me feel like you don't like me, you feel uncomfortable around me. Like I because like I want to be like, what's the beef? Because clearly your vibe is off and you just met me. So it certainly can't be anything that I've done, right? Um, and to navigate the world and act like there's not prejudiceness, um, that people aren't racist, not that they intend to be necessarily, but I do think it's more of a coming from an ignorance place and uh I've never seen this before, and this goes against my what I've been exposed to beliefs. So, like sometimes being around new people that grew up in different places that are of different races does make me feel uncomfortable, but I also feel the same way about around black people who maybe are like, she talks white, she dresses, she doesn't dress trendy, she dresses like a white girl. Like I've heard it all. I've been there, done that, and I've moved through that and I don't give a fuck about that anymore. I could care less about what literally anyone of any race really thinks of me when I know I'm me and I'm confident in my identity of self. I can imagine what they probably think or what they're deriving from my content or seeing my online, whatever. But at the end of the day, again, I don't give a fuck. But I will say now, in the sense of belonging, I'm now navigating kind of like, I'm too young for the 30-year-olds, I'm too old for the 20-year-olds. You know what I mean? Like I'm kind of in the middle. I do feel like I know my friends I can go out with and and party with and who are okay with going to a nine o'clock dinner and okay with staying out till 4 a.m. or whatever. I know those friends. I also know those friends that are like, we're going one place, we're going home. And and that's okay. I think every everyone should do what's conducive for their lifestyle and what they like to do. I still like to go out and have a good time. I do enjoy a good cocktail. I do enjoy a beverage. I do like to go to the bar and talk to people. I do like to fraternize. I, you know me, I have one sip of alcohol, I'm flirting with a short king. Okay. And that's just like, and that's just a matter of fact. And then I'm shit talking them for the rest of the week, week. Like, I really do enjoy that. And there are times when I like just sitting at home and not doing all that. But I do feel like I'm in this weird medium too, that because I have like this other side of my life that is more influencer-esque, of, you know, people be like, come into the club, we'll get you a bottle, whatever. Some of my friends will be like, bitch, I ain't going to no club at nine o'clock. Or I'm not going to dinner at nine and going to the club at 11. And that's fine. Um, but I do think it requires me to be a little bit more social sometimes and sometimes more social than I want to be. But I also don't want to say no to every opportunity that I get when I know there's like memories to be made there, especially. So I feel like I teeter in between that then too, especially like when it comes to my married friends or my friends that have kids. Like, I don't especially want to stay out all night. You've been up all day and you're tired. You know, you've done a lot. Like, truly, you've done a lot. All I have is myself. Again, I don't have any pets. I don't have anyone to take care of. It's just me and my stuffed bear named Lil E. So I have all day to lay in bed and be hungover until the next day, till I have to embark on something else. You know, also I don't have to work on the weekend. Like when it comes to content, I make my own hours. Like also too on a Monday, I can lag a little bit because I work from home. Like there are barriers and different things in my life that allows me to be more indulgent and be a little bit more carefree. And I love that for me. But it is like sometimes a weird feeling. So I'm like, damn, I am like about to be 32. Like, should I be sitting down somewhere? I'm like, but internally, I'm 26, I'm 27, I'm 28. And some might call that an identity crisis. I don't necessarily think it's an identity crisis, but it's hard to not sometimes feel like it is. Like no one really talks about those silent identity crises. Like we always think about identity crisis of being like career change or breakup or um when you have kids, or, you know, kind of like when you have a, you know, when they tell you like you can change insurance or whatever, when you have a major life event. Like that's kind of what it feels like that we also um mesh into an identity crisis. But what I've found to be true though is that yes, an identity crisis could be a large life change, but it's also the smaller moments that keep you guessing that also really help you evolve. Like the bigger life changes aren't the things that you grow the most from. I do think it's more found in like everyday things. And every version of life requires a different you, though. So you constantly evolving is important to then set yourself up to be successful for that next chapter in your life too. Because an identity crisis doesn't, I don't think it also always has to be negative. Like I feel like I could lump that word in with just like a life change in general. Like it's something that you have to kind of settle in and change. Like, I'm sure the difference between going from being a girlfriend to being married, especially if you didn't live with each other before, is a different life change. And you could be having an identity crisis and you could be like, oh my God, like I have less personal space. Um, I have, you know, someone I have to cook for. I have to, and not in a patriarchy way. Okay. I'm just saying, like, if you want to cook for them. Um, but like consider when I go grocery shopping or even going between being single and being in a relationship. I have someone I have to consider now um when I do things and someone that to factor into my schedule. When you get a dog, you're like, I can't stay out as late because the damn dog has to go out. Like those things can create small identity crises. They're not like that as big or fundamental as we make other life stages, if that makes sense. I feel like I'm just constantly in a state of nostalgia and reminiscing on things that have happened in my life before. Um, and when I was younger, and just constantly romanticizing where I am compared to where I used to be. And the one thing though, that you know how those memes are like, the younger me would think I would be, I was really cool, which she would. Like college me, I had no clue what I was gonna end up doing. I mean, I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but to tell Elise that first started college in 2012 that she would live in Chicago for almost 10 years, would she would she would be crazy. She would she would be like, what the fuck does that mean? You know, or even like the girl that first moved here. Like I've my dream apartment was to live in an apartment by myself with a washer and dryer and a balcony. I have that now. And she'd be like, wow, we actually did that. You know, like those things constantly like pull you back or pull me back at least to the fact that I've evolved and I've grown up so much. And all these different phases of life are testament to what that is. Because also, too, yeah, me going to a club at 25 compared to now, we're getting invited to places and we don't, you know, need to leverage this or pay cover, you know, I mean, like small things like that, she wouldn't believe it, honestly. And I think she would be really, really, really proud. But that also doesn't mean though that I still wake up sometimes and I'm like still having those small identity crises or things that I feel like, what am I doing with my life? Um, I do feel like from the content perspective in that pillar, that there's analytics that tells me whether or not I suck or not. And letting go of those analytics and not letting that be the like your key navigator in pursuing content or not pursuing content is a really hard mental shift to to make. And that kind of doesn't happen right away. And uh every time I someone come talks about content or brings up content, I tell them, I say, it's it's you're playing the long game. Unless you go viral off of one super funny video or super cool video, you still like you're working and working and working to see very minimal growth most of the time, or the growth that you didn't think you had seen or see, or comparing yourself to other people's growth. And even too, when you still do get that one huge and great video, you still have to perform after that. And it's hard to get one million views every single video, right? But you still kind of gotta like persevere and push on in life and in general. Sometimes wake up and I'm like, what my my feelings have changed, my hobbies have changed, um, my political belief system has evolved. I mean, I will say like my political beliefs, or the one thing that I have learned, and I say this all the time, that is an evolution and that kind of caused me to have a a totally different mind. Like, not an identity crisis, identity crisis in a negative way, but is a central part of my evolvement and me being firm in who I am, is knowing that two things can exist at once. I mean, every fight that I've ever had with an ex that's had to do with um like politics or belief systems or whatever has always been because they didn't agree with me unilaterally, right? And I think that is just even a great topic that I thought we would be able to put to rest, be able to put to rest um after the 2024 or the 2020 election, but it's still very prevalent in our life. Um, and something that I really had to face and hone in on um in 2020. But now in 2026, like I know that it's okay to have some type of nuance, that nuance actually is important, that no one's actually gonna agree with you 100%. And you can still be firm and be confident in your belief systems while also navigating someone who is there, but not also but not 100% there. That isn't, you know, fundamentally yes, but has a little nuance in it based upon where they grew up or their understanding of such a topic. And I don't mean like huge broad topics that are non-negotiable for you. I mean it could be as much as like generals with your partner, who does what? Are you doing their laundry? Are you not? Like small things like that. Um, and again, I feel like I I live now in a world where I'm like everything's gray, not everything is as black and white as I make it out to be. Some things are, some things are just right and wrong. But that is a part of my evolvement in my belief system, and something that kind of had me change my identity for a good in a good way. Like I said, I've lived in Chicago for 10 years, so there are friends that I have outgrown or friends that I felt like no longer align with me. Um, and how they treat me, I didn't appreciate. So I had to let them go. And those things can feel are are small things, everyday things, but they're shaping you and helping you to form your identity. I think I'm in this era now with my friends and with people that I around my surround myself with, period, that I only want to hang around people that I actually enjoy being around and that I feel like fill up my cup, that I don't feel depleted around, that I don't feel like I have to tiptoe, that their energy is always weird, or I don't know, that I just have this feeling that we have some fucking lingering beef or some beef on their side and it's one-sided and I don't really like how they show up. Like I'm I'm kind of on this journey where I'm mentally kind of taking note of like who I hang around. And maybe that's a recession indicator too, because I do feel like because of how expensive everything is and how in Chicago, like you bond by hanging out with people and going out to eat. I don't have unlimited $100 every single time I go out. So if I'm gonna go out and spend that amount of money, I want to make sure that the company is nice, who I'm hanging out with is nice, that they align with me and what I'm looking for in a friend. And that's just the type of pickiness and journey that I'm on at the moment, honestly. But it does make me sit and wonder like, what does that say about me? Like, am I am I being too harsh? Um, is this a different phase of life I'm going into? Like losing friends or not having the same friends that you once had is a difficult subject and feeling to broach. Sometimes friend breakups are even worse than relationship breakups. Um, or feel like you've outgrown someone, and especially too, I mean, I've talked about how in some of my relationships, or I never like really broke up with men because I didn't know how to be like, look, you're just not it. Sometimes it's just like a feeling or a vibe that I have. Like, it's not that they do anything. I don't want this big falling out. I'm just gonna slowly distance myself from you. And that's a identity shift that I'm going through at the moment, but no one talks about that though. I also think the shift in your 20s to 30s and how last episode I talked about hormones and gaining weight and X, Y, and Z. There is a shift that you go through between like college and your 20s and 30s of like your Style, right? Like in college, I was wearing crop tops and shorts all the time. I've always still just been a simple dresser. And in my 20s, kind of still the same. Like I have, I still have a lot of my same clothes. But I think too, when it comes to age, you kind of get in this identity change or crisis where you're like, am I dressing appropriately? Am I dressing for my age? Should I be a little bit chic or should should my boobs be out right now? Like those are things I feel like I do to constantly go back and forth and that I think are normal. And again, is a semi-identity crisis that no one really highlights or we don't really think about, but it is shaping and shifting our narrative. Dude, being on social media, are you kidding? You see all these people traveling to Europe. Am I doing enough? Is my job enough? Going to restaurants. I'm like, how do people afford to go all the time? I'm like, well, they pay half rent. So that's why. You know, like there's things like that. You start to start comparing yourself with the age of social media, that it's like, what's what am I doing? Am I not doing enough? Like, wow, that person travels a lot and does all this. Like, how can I make more money? That person has a house. I wish I had a had a house. I mean, I think in 2026, too, with the current economy, like I think that's also what's made me take a deep breath and be like, no one could have foreseen these hurdles. And if I could have foreseen these hurdles, I maybe wouldn't wouldn't have bought all the clothes that I bought in 2020 or 2019. And it's okay to outgrow yourself. It's okay to grow up and decide you don't want to go out anymore. It's okay to decide, you know what, actually, I've been a hermit for a minute. I kind of want to start living life again. Like maybe I was depressed and maybe I'm not. Or maybe I have new friends that enjoy going out and um I enjoy spending time with them and enjoy the places that we go. So I want to explore that a little bit more. Maybe you're like, okay, I used to not travel. I want to up my traveling game, or maybe I want to stop traveling and start investing more and saving my money. Like outgrowing the old version of yourself and revolving your life around that is okay. I mean, I've talked about, you know, eating more cleaner and in and having a more balanced lifestyle, which I think to me is the most important, is getting on the straight and narrow as fast as I can and not letting that beat over into my life and that be the status quo. My status quo is always to be balanced and I love making home cooked meals. I'm enjoying cooking right now, and that I think it's just like a summer thing. So I like grilling. Um, but I but I constantly feel like I am forming habits and becoming the person that I know I want to be. The number one next one would be to save a shit ton more money and figure out a way to do that more effort effortlessly without feeling like I'm, you know, beholden or feeling like I'm being deprived of doing something. But it's okay to for me to be like, okay, you know what? At least the satisfaction of shopping anymore is just not hitting. Like maybe when we look at our bank account, we're like, damn, we got a lot of money saved up in case something happens. Or maybe one day you will wake up and want to buy a house and you have money for that. Like, I I I that feeling and the stability that that brings could be diff is going to be different than what buying a blouse and that wasn't my priority a couple years ago was, you know? And as you grow and you evolve and you start to shape your identity, whether it be consciously or subs subconsciously, I think we when we're on on the track there, we do sometimes confuse our identity with our roles. So, like if someone took away your job tomorrow, who are you? Who do you want to be? Are you, because you're not your career. We usually attach ourselves to our career. We're not. I a hundred percent attach me to be myself to being productive. I guess the one self-aware thing I knew that I hated was being someone's girlfriend, like this is so-and-so's girlfriend. No, I'm Elise. My name is Elise. Like, I saw that love Ivy clip, like, I'm TT. That's actually funny. Like, no, I'm Elise. Or having to be the the the fun friend, or the always type A friend, or having to always be on, being successful, the responsible one. Because sometimes we adapt attach our identity with our roles. Um, when one disappears, it can feel like we disappeared, right? Or, you know, when you become a mom and you're like, okay, now my identity is just feels like it's just mom, but that's just your role. That's not your identity. You can you can create something outside of that to where your self-actualization is still on the m and being formed and fulfilled. And then too, with identity, you can change without being a completely different person. Like it's not, it's kind of what I said before. Like, it's just a rebrand. You know, you're not starting over. You're the same, you're the same logo, you're the same person, you're the same brand. It's just a rebrand. Your court values stay unless you are changing from one political uh affiliation to another. Your interests, though, can change, your lifestyle can change, your priorities maybe change, but the goal isn't necessarily to become someone new in these identity changes and shifts. The goal is just to become more aligned in who you want to be, who you want in your life, your career, X, Y, and Z. I feel like whimsy is a really big word right now. Um, and to me, whimsy is just like childlike, carefree. As I have gotten older, I have felt that part of me kind of release. I will say, I loved off campus. I loved that show. And when people ask me why I love it, I tell them that it just makes you reminiscent, for me at least, makes me reminiscent of how simple and easy love used to feel and relationships used to feel. When men used to yearn, when men felt like they were articulate about their feelings, they weren't scared to be vulnerable before you know the phones became the damn problem. Um, that you could have guy friends that supported you and that loved you won the best for you, that you were friends before you dated them. Um, like before you knew all these things about men, that masculinity is fragile, that all these other things, like the the simplicity of love and the simplicity of relationships, that's what off-campus makes me feel. And I get nostalgic for that. Like when you used to go to sleep in high school and you knew you you would wake up to a long paragraph of a guy telling you how much they liked you, like those were the fucking days, dude. Like I I do miss that type of yearning, and that's why I love off campus. Also, too, I saw on this TikTok that this girl said, like, what you're drawn to in media is what you're kind of like missing in your life. And I am missing some good old yearning. Like, I am missing some vulnerability. I am missing, you know, when I didn't feel like I had to chase a guy, or I didn't have, or like just some consistency, you know, out of it. And in comparison to like people who feel like they were living a really like repetitive, mundane life, they might like thriller shows because that it that's giving them a little bit of excitement, you know. I've heard people in relationships like, Love, Love Island. That show is too freaked out for me, unfortunately. I try I've watched 24 minutes of that show and I was like, these are 23-year-old freaked out kids. But, you know, you could miss be like, oh, I miss when people explore and date and that excites me to watch. Like, and that's fine. But lately, when I think about when I have the idea when I wake up and I'm like, what am I doing with my life? What, what are my interests? What are my changes? Like, if you're struggling to find yourself again, or you feel like you're going through an identity shift and you're also wondering, like, what how can I get back to me? How can I evolve? How can I get back aligned? I feel like these are some questions you should be asking yourself. What excites me lately? What drains me? So, like, if something drains you, then it should be removed. Kind of what I was talking about with like certain people that I surround myself with. What do I naturally naturally gravitate towards? What do I want more of in my life? What feels authentic now that doesn't that wasn't authentic five years ago? Also, too, even taking stock of what was authentic to me five years ago, what's authentic now, what do I want my five years from now to look like? Taking stock of past, present, and future, I think would also be really, really um helpful because when you think about it, identity is built through small choices, small alignments. And it's not it's not just one huge and big moment. Overall, though, enjoy the journey and enjoy all these moments in life and self-defining moments that put you where you are today. I have said that I've romanticized life and that things have a line to put me where I am today. Some of them I loved, some of them I didn't love. Um, but all you can really do is to make the most of it. I wouldn't have, I don't think the confidence that I have now, if I never would have started a creative network in Chicago, I think that social anxiety fears me now. And that is not the narrative that I would have seen for myself five years ago. That I can go anywhere, talk to anyone, network with anyone. These little moments in my life have been constant identity shifts. I don't want to use the word crisis, but feel they felt like a crisis in the moment, but to come on the other side, they're now shifts that have formed who I am and where I'm going and where I continue to. Hanging out with creative people has inspired me to do content and inspired me to try to stretch my creativity, be more productive, be more creative. And even when I reflect, when I got back from my girls' trip, I literally thought to myself, I said, if I've done one thing right in this world, is two, is that I picked some good friends. That I'm so grateful that I've had these people in my life for so long that make me feel so rejuvenated and make me feel like I can do and accomplish anything in in my life. And not to say that our all of our friendships have been like so status quo, we've kept in touch all the time, we talk all the time. That hasn't been the case. We ebb and flow, we're we're in it and we're not, and and sometimes we're not. Sometimes the group chat is active, other times it's fucking dry. But I just know firmly in my beliefs and in all these changes that we've all gone through that these are my people and I love them to death and I will do anything to keep them in my life. If I'm if I'm taking stock of the people who make me feel great when I'm around them, it's these girls. So um so yeah, I just overall just want to say to as much as it feels like a growing pain to acknowledge that the greater part of that is on the other side and that identity crises can feel nutrimental and can be silent killers in the moment, but on the other side is an immense amount of growth and satisfaction and alignment. You'll be better for it, I promise. Honestly, a long-ass-winded thing to say that if you want to go out with the if you want to leave the 30-year-olds to hang out with the 20-year-old, you can fucking do that. Okay. And you're none the wiser. You're none the you're none the loser. You're just who you are. And sometimes you want to go to a piano bar and have a 20 year old try to flirt with you. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes it happens. Anyways, thank you guys again for listening. My name is Elise, and this is Go Get Hers, and I'll see you next week. Bye.