The Skills Every Child Needs | #Tammy Miller | Episode #17

In this episode of Chasing Heritage, Chase Hardin welcomes Tammy Miller, founder of Resilient Roots and an early childhood educator with more than three decades of experience helping children and families build resilience from the earliest years of life.

Tammy shares why academic achievement alone is not enough to prepare children for adulthood. Instead, she explains the importance of developing emotional intelligence, communication, self-regulation, conflict resolution, and confidence from an early age.

The conversation explores practical parenting challenges, including tantrums, aggression, emotional regulation, and early intervention. Tammy offers guidance on recognizing developmental milestones, partnering with pediatricians and educators, and finding the right support for each child without fear or shame.

Chase and Tammy also discuss homeschooling, Montessori education, standardized testing, and why teaching the "whole child" creates stronger leaders, healthier relationships, and more resilient adults.

Throughout the episode, Tammy reminds parents that perfection isn't the goal. Giving yourself grace, asking for help, and learning alongside your child are some of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.

Whether you're raising toddlers, navigating school-age challenges, or supporting families professionally, this conversation provides practical wisdom and encouragement for helping children thrive in every stage of development.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

When we're teaching just to academics, we're forgetting there's so much more. It's the emotions, you know, their feelings, how they handle someone walked up and took their marker.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The other thing we do in a Montessori school though is we do daily observations of achievements. And so we're doing daily records of materials that have been done, of skills that have been mastered. Right. And then we compile all of that all together, quarterly, semi-annually, and then annually.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

I love that here at the Montessori program, you explained to me before how when they get to high school, they pick a focus and they can really focus and hone in on that focus and prepare them for what comes next, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

So I had the pleasure of meeting you a few months ago and just hearing about your business that you do, your experience, and just your love for families. Just share a little bit more with me about your business, resilient roots, and kind of how you got to the point where you are today with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Okay. That's a great question, and I'm trying to find just the right place to start. But I've always had a love for children and working with children. In my 20s or so, I wasn't. I was doing I was a hairdresser, actually. I don't think I shared that with you before. Um, but I was, and just um when my son started getting older, I really missed time with him and and really wanted to be with him more. And so I was volunteering at his school and those types of things, and so they invited me to come on board on staff there, and that's kind of where it all started, is is um being wanting to be closer to my own child and um and going into working at his school. And from there, it just um my love for children just grew and grew along with now my knowledge and uh education and classes of that, and it transferred um to when we moved here to Georgia. Um, I opened a preschool here in McDonough, actually. Amazing. Um at my at our church at the time, and there I spent the last 13 years, and that's where when I began that program, it was all about the play-based philosophy that we put a lot of um, I guess a lot of pressure sometimes. I don't know if it's there's a better word for it, but on children to kind of know all of these educational skills before they even get into kindergarten. And it's like where we were learning how to read. You know, when we got to kindergarten, now it was like, okay, if you're not reading before kindergarten, you're behind. And for me, I just wanted children to still be a child, but be able to have those skills and be ready. So we put into place a play-based philosophy, which just meant that everything we were doing was very hands-on, which is I think some of the way why we associate so well together, too, because Montessori is so um hands-on activities, too. And um, so that's kind of where that began.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Yeah, that's so great. And and I love how you shared, you know, what got you in to really working with with children. Um, and that's motherhood, right? Right. And and having your own child to to be close to them and connected. And my mother, Miss Kimberly Morey, who is the founder of Heritage Montessori School, the school I now operate, had a similar path, right? She wanted to be close to my oldest brother, Ben.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

And um she had an opportunity to put him in a Montessori school and just absolutely fell in love with the way that they were teaching, how they were connecting with him and developing him. And then also for myself, that's why I wanted to come into Montessori.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Um, it wasn't because it was a family business, right? Or or I had helped paint or mow the grass. Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

You helped a lot.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

It was when my youngest daughter, you know, was two. Okay. I realized that she needed a school. And I had just the amazing opportunity of being close enough to see that development. And it just really shifted my perspective on my own life and you know, really the the ability to give back. Um but your business, you know, Resilient Roots.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Um, is kind of founded, you know, on your experience and the life of education you have. Um what would be some of the core things or or major focuses that you feel like your your business has in the industry?

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Um I feel like, again, it's going to be teaching those skills that are missing. Um as I kind of mentioned a little bit, um the focus is so academic and making sure that children are prepared for school that I have a strong pull towards teaching to the whole child. I want to give them the social emotional skills as well to handle when the world's just not going their way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

So speak a little bit more about teaching to the whole child. Um and then, you know, even that term social emotional, right? It's it's used inaccurately, I believe, and in most people's general conversations. But give us give us a little deeper into what that is.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Okay. So when I say whole child, social emotional skills, what I mean is the fact that when we're teaching just to academics, we're forgetting there's so much more. It's the emotions, you know, their feelings, how they handle someone walked up and took their marker. Um, you know, and a child, depending upon the age, that means for them, like, okay, they took my marker, I'm gonna push them to get it back, you know, and it just kind of if they don't have the skill to say, Oh, I had that first. Can I have my marker back? You know, those types of things. And we forget that um, you know, we can tell what our own um uh our own feelings are inside, right? Our own system and how when someone upsets us, how it makes us feel. And then we work to be able to get those feelings out in a healthy, productive way. But for a child, they just know that this feeling is going on inside and they don't know what to do with that sometimes. And so if we're not giving them the skills to handle that, um, and that doesn't necessarily mean it's behavior, like all children, no matter where they are, need to be met where they are and learn the skills and how to handle different things that go on around them.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

So I one one of your pillars I believe you work on would be adaptive strategies. Kind of share, you know, a little bit about that. Like what is adaptive strategies? What does that look like in relation to you know what you were just talking about?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Okay. So adaptive strategies means um to me, what it means is being able to focus on the individual child. Because, like I mentioned, our systems. Some systems shut down, some systems get very emotional. So I want to work and meet that child where they are so that I can help give them those tools. And sometimes it could be deep breathing, sometimes it could be the words that they need to use, how to recognize what's going on in their body, where instead of immediately pushing someone for that marker, like how do we stop ourselves and then be able to say, that's my marker. Or for a two-year-old, it can be putting my hand up and saying, Stop. You know, so again, to me, adaptive strategies means meeting them where they are and giving them in simple terms tools that they can use to kind of navigate the situations that they're in.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yeah, that's a beautiful explanation of you know of that. Um, how does that connect with self-regulation skills?

SPEAKER_01 8:24

So, again, that connects to being able to understand how they're feeling, which again, as adults, we have a hard time with that sometimes. So, really, we have to really kind of tune into that child and help them learn how to tune into themselves. Some of the ways we can do that is helping them to understand what a feeling is, to um share with them, you know, when this is happening, where do you feel it in your body? Do you feel it in your head? Do you feel it in your hands? I see your body as so tight.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

You know, those types of things.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Yeah. So if I have a, you know, let's say a one to three year old who I feel like as a parent maybe throws a lot of tantrums or hits or bites or has any number of, you know, behaviors that I I I just don't understand. How would I move ahead on that? Or who would I contact? You know, how would I look that up? What what does that look like in finding resources?

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Right. Um, that's also a really good question. And sometimes a little bit hard to answer because of the fact that there are only so many avenues to reach out. Um so I would definitely reach out to your pediatrician first. Um that's where I would start. That's where I've started with my own children with different things when they were young. Um, and then just do your research. Okay. Um, and just do research as far as um there's lots of play therapies, different therapists, um, companies like myself where I'm a coach or consultant that can come in and meet with you and kind of teach and give some of these tools and strategies.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. Um, do you feel like early education schools, you know, are able to address these behaviors? Like they're all the same, or do you feel like there's differences, right, when when choosing an educational option?

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Um, I definitely believe there are differences. I mean, there are definitely the schools that um, you know, I had a parent who was on a tour with me one time, and um we went in and toured a class just in every day, like you've showed me around here, right? Just in every day, open the door. Um, and she wanted her son to join our school, and she started crying in the classroom, and I took her out and we walked out, and she's like, Every school has turned my child down. Like this is what I've been praying for. And so there's definitely schools that that automatically are like, no, I'm sorry. You know, we're not even going to try to let your child come into our school. Yes. Um, and then there are schools like yourself who really work to teach to the whole child and give them those experiences and give them the opportunities to understand that we know that you don't have all of those skills.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

And give them the opportunities to learn those skills.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yes, I love that. And you know, whenever we have a family come into heritage, um, it's always better if they just communicate where they are.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Right. Right?

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Meaning, talk about the behaviors, you know, that you're dealing with. Um be really open with the educators, you know, or the directors about what you're looking for. Right. Because if you uh are honest or open about your goals or your needs for your child, you're not going to be able to gauge whether the school can do it. And you may get three, six months down the road and be like, ah, this is just not, you know, what what I want. Um I also love how you said do your research. I think mothers have a I mean they do, right? Have a natural instinct for for what is good for your child. Um and that it's okay to take your time, right? To read a couple of books, um, to spend hours looking up schools and doing all of the tours. Um my favorite type of family is one that says, I've gone to every school in the area.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

And we're here with you. And the reason why I say that is because it it shows that you really care. You know, you're really connected with finding what is best for your child. Right. And at our school, that's how we find the key to success, is by being really connected with your child. So if you have information and you can get us up to date, you've done research, you have data, it means that we're able to do our job a lot easier, but also it makes it better, you know, to partner with the educators. Um another, you know, really kind of neat thing is um, you know, one that I've heard, right, and just kind of doing research would be neurodivergent people. Okay, and this is kind of like a you know, a term that again that I feel like is misused, it's not used correctly. But you know, share a little bit with us like how neurodevelopment works with our younger children, you know, with our babies. When does that start? You know, when is the key time to be able to really address that? Just you know, give us some more context in that area.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Right. Um again, um using my granddaughter will be uh year old in a couple weeks. And I know for her, you know, they have been watching her development from the very beginning. I mean, it starts. I mean, it it starts pretty much at birth, soon after birth.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I mean, you're um and my children are much older now, and and we didn't have to watch all of these milestones so closely, you know. But now I think it's really important to watch. Um, for my granddaughter's example, there were reasons why we were watching, but it also just helped me to remember how port important it is the earlier that you catch something, the earlier that you're watching, the earlier that you're talking and noticing things with pediatricians, the earlier you're able to put some different things into place. And I'm really impressed too because pediatricians are noticing it so much more and asking parents to be so much more aware of what their child is doing.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

With that being said, I know too that with my granddaughter, we've had to be very careful not to overdo it as well. Like, okay, we're a little delayed in crawling, but that's not too delayed yet. You know, when do we need to to contact the pediatrician? When do we need to do certain things? And I know she um went through a little bit of physical therapy at a young age. But again, it's just really important to continue to do your research, to not um put too much stress on that.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

To because you still want to enjoy your baby and your one-year-old and your two-year-old, but just really do your research and really communicate with your pediatrician.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah, yeah. One of the neat things about you know child development is our ability to develop and self-regulate. What are some of the self-regulation things that an infant does, you know, let's say between birth and and two years old?

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah. Um, again, another great question that people do not always think about, and I've forgotten about and been uh reindu-introduced to it. But again, we want to try not to fix a baby's problem every minute that they cry, right? Um again, I was not good at that. I watched the baby monitor, and back then we didn't have screens, we had just those lights, and they would be going and going. And I'm like talking to my mom on the phone. I'm like, okay, I gotta go get my baby. I can't let them cry anymore. You know, 15 minutes is all I can do. So I know I'm not necessarily personally advocating for that, but I am advocating for that you don't have to pick them up immediately. Give them the opportunity to self-soothe, give them the tools, and um and just to be able to work with them where they are. And for my granddaughter, I'll just keep using her as an example. Um, she did use a pacifier, right? That's a self-soothe soothing. It can turn into a long-term type of thing that you now have to move off of, right? But for her, what it's turned into is she really just now needs it at nap time and bedtime. So we'll throw five pacifiers in there and she'll go to bed with one, and then when she spits it out and she wakes up, she's crawling around and reaching and she'll find a few more and put them back in and self-soothe and go right back to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yes, yes. That's amazing. And so, you know, for a child who's learning to self-soothe between one and two, and then a child who's picked up every minute. Right. What does that transition into in both of those cases, you know, let's say when a child is between five and six?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Right. It can transfer into the five and six year old not knowing how to self-soothe, not knowing how to, again, I use this term a lot, handle when the world is just not going their way. Um, it just turns into their system gets immediately out of whack because they don't know how to handle the moment that they're in and they're looking for someone to save them.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Yes, yes. And what what would the on the positive end of that look like? Let's say a child who did learn how to self-soothe between one and two, you know, continued that development, now they're five and six. What would you see from a child, you know, who's had that type of experience?

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Who's a five and six? Um, I would say that hopefully what they've learned is to have a voice and to be able to speak and use their words to be able to handle when the world is not going their way. And again, in a way that is good for a five or six year old to use, right? But to be able to at least say, wait, I had that first, you know, next time ask me for that. And if they've been building these skills all along, then they get to be that age and they can say, Next time ask me.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yeah. I love how you just brought in communication because it's one of the core things that we teach in, I would say, early childhood education, but specifically in in Montessori education. We're, you know, we're using full sentences, we're using a very large vocabulary or adult vocabulary. We don't do baby talk. And we do that because uh setting an example encourages the children to better move in that direction. But also to deal with most of our social, emotional, developmental stages, if we're lacking in communication, there's almost always a correlation, right, between success and these other areas, whether it be academic success, whether it be conflict resolution, our independence, um, you know, our executive function skills. I mean, all of these things are so directly correlated to our ability to communicate with the world. Another cool thing I'd like to just deep dig into would be the conflict resolution skills. You talked a little bit earlier about, you know, a kid who gets their pencil taken, right? And then they they push him back, right? Because it's like, hey, why did you do that? But there's no words, right? It's just a physical, you know, response. So, you know, share a little bit more about the importance of those conflict resolution skills, you know, what would be some strategies that you would kind of implement in in that type of situation for children.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Right. So I can use like examples from um my preschool days, okay? Um, because one, the child has to have some communication. Okay. So if they haven't had it, it's a little bit harder. But what we would generally do is focus on the child whose item was taken first, because where we put our focus, right, shows our importance. Yes. So it's not gonna be on the child who did this, it's going to be on the child it was done to.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

And we're gonna help that child have a big voice and say, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

And then we're gonna help the other student understand that if you want something, this is how you ask for it. Yes. And we're going to model that with in both ways with both students.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Yes, yes. And that's just a really great, you know, thing to do. You know, I always like to say with families who have like one child, right? This is the single child household, that you really need to put your student into situations where they're having to work around other children. And one of the main reasons is because of that conflict resolution scale.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

Um, if they don't have to interact with anyone at their level, let's say for six years while they've been here on the earth, it's gonna be such a shock at receiving that type of interaction from someone who has zero to little ability to meet their needs, as opposed to just dealing with their parents who have the highest level of ability of social emotional regulation, communication skills. So essentially you're just answering all of the problems for your child.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

And what I hear when I have a child that comes in and is like, I can't believe my kid pushed someone else. Right. Ever done that at home.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

And I'm like, that's correct. Right. But also in your home, there is none of these things that exist. There's not an opportunity for this level of conflict in your home. Even your your pet dog is still a dog. Right. He knows his master. He's going to leave. He's going to go lay down. Right, you can put him outside. And so it's really important for us as parents to really dig into conflict resolution and to not hide our children from it. Right. I think a lot of our parents in today's world hide those types of challenges from you know from their students. And the first time that they come up, they just panic. Right. There's this absolute panic. And I think there's a lot of fear, you know, that that really exists with that. But why why do you think a parent would be so worried about their child pushing someone else? Why do you think that's such a large trigger point for a parent?

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Um, well, again, thinking back to when my boys were younger and I didn't quite have all of these skills yet, right? When I was a young mom, it was embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

It was going to be embarrassing. It was going to be, okay, my child is pushing someone, but their children aren't. And then I'm going to be looked at a different way. As far as for as far as a parent's perspective, I think that that plays a big part there. So instead of saying, well, at home, when they don't get the cereal that they wanted, they get very upset. And so I give them the cereal that they want, right? Because you can still teach conflict resolution even in a house without other children.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Um, but because that it's easier with an only child in the home, you can go ahead and do those types of things. And so for that child, they get there and they don't know what to do besides push the other child.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

You know? And so I think that it's hard to acknowledge, like, wait, I that's totally confuses me because I've never seen my child do that. Why would my child do that? And if my child is doing that, what does that say about my child? You know, what's others thinking about him?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Yes. Thank you. That and that really clarifies a lot, you know, in in those types of situations. Another really interesting thing that I think is just the hot topic in today's world is, you know, some families are choosing to keep their kids at home entirely.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Um, and and it, at least for the early education years. Right. But some are even doing that the the entire journey. All e-teens like saying, nope, we're not going into that way. We're we're keeping our our child in our home.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

What would be you know some of the benefits you feel like of of doing that, right? Of taking that route and saying, hey, I'm gonna keep my kid at home.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Um to a homeschool type of thing, is what you're saying. Um and I don't know if if we've talked about this either or if you know this, but I homeschooled my children for a number of years, yes. So um so we made a joke that when my youngest son went to high school, I went back to the classroom and I went to preschool. So that's when I started my preschool. Okay. So for him, um it was first grade up through uh seventh grade. So he went into high school. Well, eighth grade, I guess. So he went into high school, and then my um oldest son did a few years at home and then did a um a co-op type of program for high school. So I think there are definitely benefits to it. Um the benefits for my family, I'll say, and or possibly benefits for others, is that I could teach them in the way that they learned best. I didn't have to put them in a classroom where you need to catch up and be where every other student is. And that also goes back to my um belief of the play-based philosophy and teaching to the whole child, teaching in the way that works best for them. We can't always do that in certain schools or all classrooms, right? So for me that was a benefit. What we had to watch then, and what I would recommend all families watch that choose that, is the social interactions as well. Make sure that they are being challenged. I love that here at the Montessori program, you explained to me before how um when they get to high school, they pick a focus and they can really focus and hone in on that focus and prepare them for what comes next, right? So I think that's a benefit to a homeschool. Like that's what you do in that in those situations as well.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah, that's great. Thank you for sharing that. Um and so on the other side of that though, let's say I'm a I'm a you know, we have a dual parent household, we're both working parents, or maybe I'm a single parent, and I have to work a 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. and pull over time. Right. What are the benefits of of putting your child in, you know, a traditional, you know, daycare and then, you know, traditional school for you know for the life of that.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Right. I think there's a lot of great benefits there too. Um, like you mentioned, you know, especially for those families that are still very involved at home and very involved in the school program, they get the social skills a little bit easier, they learn um conflict resolution depending upon the the program that they're in. They're learning their academics, they're hopefully being hands-on and structure, you know, they're getting a little bit of everything in some ways during their day.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

And so when I, you know, I was kind of doing a little bit of research and just looking up what I could find, comparing the two. And what was interesting is one of the only negatives that I I saw consistently show up for homeschooled children would be their testing scores or academic performance. But what I also find interesting about that is they're only able to pull data from a traditional school.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

They're not able to pull test data. Let's say my kid can open a bank account at the age of six. They can balance a checkbook.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

And they run their own company and they're selling, you know, smoothies, right? Right. Every Saturday.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

And so, you know, it seemed like in looking at the data, all of the data was really geared towards a traditional measuring model. But as we know, you could be very successful in preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, all the way through, either homeschool or in traditional, and then stay at home between the ages of 25 and 35. Right. And maybe that's great for you. Maybe that's, you know, as a parent, that's what you set out for, you know, for your for your child. Um, but I just find that really interesting that the only measuring stick was really test scores.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Right. That is interesting.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Do you feel like the test score model is still something that a lot of parents are looking for, you know, are you kind of using as a as a measuring goal for their children?

SPEAKER_01 29:07

I think that, I personally think that a lot of parents are still doing that.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Even though my belief is uh the fact is that test scores aren't always accurate. I mean, uh you put someone in a if someone can test well doesn't necessarily mean that they have all of those skills. It means they can test in that area in that way. So to say, for a young child, right, they can recognize their ABCs, right? They can recognize the alphabet if they see it here.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

But if they turn around and see it in a different way, they see it in a different location, are they still going to understand it?

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

Um, so again, you can know how to count and you can count certain things, but that doesn't mean that transfers over to I have five items and I understand that this is a five. So so again, the testing scores to me aren't always accurate. And then I, you know, my son, my oldest is 33. I get his age wrong sometimes. I sometimes had to think and make sure I had it right. So he sees this, I don't get in trouble. But at 33, you know, he did a dual program type of thing, homeschool and going into an academy to take classes. And I I had to test him. Those tests were still turned in, but those tests were different. I mean, they were still important tests.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

And they still had to be proxied, but they were different probably than he still had to take a standardized testing, you know, all of those types of things.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

But it probably the testing just isn't accurate. I just I don't personally believe that shows a good balance either way.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Yeah. And I'll I'll go right behind you right there and and say it emphatically does not.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Um there is so much more data out there that says standardized testing does not equate to success or measurement of skills. Right. Um and one of the main reasons is because the test always changes. Meaning the goalpost changes.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

And the reasons why we take tests generally are those standards are set by very large entities, whether it be our federal government or whether it be a college board. Um and so the reasons why they set these test scores are directly tied to money. Um financial gain is a very unfortunate thing that has whittled down the value of our test scores. I'll give you a good example is here in Georgia we have steadily reduced our standards or made them less um lacking year and year and year over the past 10 years. And Georgia's schools have steadily fallen in alignment nationally to our lowering of our state standards. So we can still have a B grade school in the state of Georgia.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

And 10 years ago it was a B grade school. Right. But 10 years ago, we were ranked 10 to 15 places higher nationally. Um so those metrics just are never in alignment.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

And so what I encourage parents to do is if you are going to rely heavily on testing, and and this is what you believe in as a parent, enter your child into a nationally recognized standardized test where the measuring goal doesn't change because of where you live. Right. Right? It's using this set of standards that doesn't change year after year after year. You can go back ten years on the data or you know, potentially use that info to go ten years into the future and really gauge, you know, where where your child is. The other thing we do in a Montessori school, though, is we do daily observations of achievements. And so we're doing daily records of materials that have been done, of skills that have been mastered. Right. And then we compile all of that all together, quarterly, semi-annually, and then annually, to actually depict where are the structured gains. Instead of picking these days in a calendar year and saying, well, today's the day.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

But if I just lost my dog the night before, or I just got over having the flu, um, or grandma, you know, moved recently, I'm not gonna do well on my test. And so there's no real way to take a snapshot in time and say that this is the summation, you know, of your child's skill and and development. Right. What would um kind of be some things that you would say you know, really impact a family and their level of success, whether it be like income or education? Um I mean, are there some things that you've kind of seen over your years that you feel like really impact whether or not a family can manage some of the more difficult things of raising up children?

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Ooh, that's kind of a hard one. I'm trying to think for a second and see where I want to go here.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Yeah, well, I mean, I did a little bit of basic research and you know, some of the core ones that come up is is income, right? Obviously, money, you know, money is something that people say, data says, if you don't have the money, you don't have the access. Is that something that you've kind of seen, you know, in in your experience?

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Um, I can't say that I've necessarily seen that as much in my experience, but I do hear that. I mean, it does make sense that you know, families that are working hard to put food on the plate, right? It's harder for them to pick a different school or to go outside of the school that their child is maybe zoned for, whether they want them to be there or not, you know, type of things. So I can see how you know getting help um for their child in different ways, whether it's tutoring or some type of therapy for something different, you know, those things can definitely be harder for parents.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

I would definitely agree with you that in my experience it's not necessarily the income. It's that second thing that you said, which is getting help.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Getting help.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

And you know, for the families that I see that struggle, whether they have lots of money or not, they struggle because of the unwillingness to get help.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

The unwillingness to reach out, right? Um, to be, you know, just kind of humble, right, in in that experience. Um because I feel like in this world that we're in now, and the way that we have you know access to information at our fingertips, if you're willing to ask the questions and you're willing to reach out to, let's say, someone like you, or even like my school, you know, I will meet with you, I will give you a tour and talk to you and give you my wealth of knowledge without charging you.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

And and I think the foundation, you know, core of our industry is really built on just loving people, you know, and and just sharing, you know, just sharing the the education. Um in your experience for a child that you see receiving early intervention or early education services, and then seeing them as an adult, what would be some of those correlations, you know, or or changes that that you kind of see, you know, in in a child that received services and really needed them, and a child that really needed them and and you know, for whatever reason did not receive anything at all.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Right. Um so uh I go back to something that I was told to me by my pediatrician with my oldest son. Maybe I shouldn't have said that on here, but anyway, but he he won't mind. But with um one of my sons, uh he has ADD. And when we were young parents, it was okay, wait, like okay, they're just going to want to put him on medicine and you know, all of those types of things. So we really struggled with that, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

But working with the pediatrician, he sat with my husband and I and shared with us, you know, the truth is that if you don't get your child help, they're going to grow up in feeling like they can't do it right.

SPEAKER_03 37:59

Got it.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

And therefore, that can lead down paths that we don't want our children to go down. Yes. Right? Paths that can really affect them as adults.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

And that has always really stuck with me as far as working with families and with children. It's like I'm going to share with you, that doesn't mean that I'm saying your child is different than any other child as far as how they're loved, how they're cared for, how special they are, how God made them. Yes. But if we give them these skills, that's going to make all the difference within them.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Yes, yes. I love that. And the fact that you have experience, you know, dealing with it in in your own life, you know, I believe really gives you, you know, a a nice platform, you know, where you can really speak into their life. Um it is a very difficult thing to hear, you know, as a parent. It is. And and whether it's something severe or even it's you know, my kid is pushing at school, right? We have this natural desire to defend and to protect from any misguided labeling, you know, or something of that nature. Um, but I'm I'm really hopeful with the families that we have because I've seen a shift generally overall in this new age of families, like with kids who are five, six, and younger. Right. Of being really open and and much more understanding to exactly what you're saying, which is, hey, we're the professionals, we're here to love you, we're here to help you, you can trust us. Um, as opposed to, I think, you know, like when I was being raised up, I I don't think that trust was really existent.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

Um in in the space. Right. I think there was much more fear that existed in any type of diagnosis or any type of therapy. I mean, really like anything outside of just my kid is great.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Like absolutely, you know, absolutely terrifying. And it's one of the reasons why my mother was motivated to move into Montessori was a similar conversation she had, you know, with a pediatrician that said, you know, your son's gonna have to be put on Ritalin, and this is the only way, right, that he's gonna be able to function. Right. And so she had to take a step back and go, well, function where?

SPEAKER_01 40:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Because if you want my kid to sit down and be quiet and say yes, ma'am, uh all day.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

My kid can't do that. Right. Because my kid's not built for that. My kid needs movement. My kid needs to pick things up. They're a very hands-on tactile learner. And so if my mother wouldn't have followed her intuition and done her own research, you know, maybe she would have been recommended to do something that was against that.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

And so, you know, that's why I try to really encourage families, like, yes, be trusting, right? But also go see someone else. Right. Right? There's tons of doctors. And you can see a doctor that'll, you know, I always make this kind of joke, it's not that funny, but it happens all the time. You can go see a doctor about, you know, a lump you have, and they'll say, Oh, it's cancer. We need to cut it out tomorrow, and we're gonna go ahead and schedule it. And you can go see another doctor next week and they go, Oh no, we don't need to do that. Right drink some water, exercise, um, and here's some natural medicine to take, and you can get to a resolution. So I share that story just to be very encouraging to families. No matter what you hear from a doctor, from school, really from anybody, there's always another opinion out there. Right. And you have a right as a mom or a dad to take as much time as you need to really walk through all of the options, you know. And if you have a doctor or a medical professional or an educator that is like, you have to do it now, you have to do it now, you have to do it now, and they're not open to the idea of additional support, additional ideas, additional resources, I would bail on that person.

SPEAKER_01 42:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

You know, because it shows that they don't have the empathy one for your situation, or they don't have the time.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

Or they think they know it all. And all three of those just don't work out with kids. You know, they're all so very, very different. Um it's just such an important thing, you know, that I feel like we we really miss out on sometimes as you know, as as educators.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Yes, I would agree. You know, I recently just last week sat across the table from a mom of a almost two-year-old and a three-month old and saying, I need help. You know, I'm a young mom and I don't know what I'm doing, you know? And that is hard to be able to sit and do and sit across the table from a stranger and say, I I don't know how to do this. And, you know, I want to make sure I'm giving him the skills that he needs.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

Yes, ma'am. And so, you know, in your business and kind of what you do with Resilient Roots, like what are some of the ways or or options, you know, that you provide to families? You know, let's say somebody Googles Social Emotional Development Help.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:31

And your website comes up.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

What what are the choices for them, right? To be able to connect with you, hear from you, you know, learn more.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Right. Um, well, thank you for asking that question. Um, one thing that I do is helping schools in different ways. So, like you and I will be working together as far as um coaching some parents and working together for that. So, one they can get sometimes parent education or through their school, depending Upon. So that's what I'm working on there.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Um, but then also we do I do hands-on coaching where I can come into the home and work with a family and work with that student and again meet them where they are.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

And we will go ahead and and make a plan and work on these things, work on you know, two or three things at a time, because just like us, if you went in to try to fix everything that I needed to fix within myself all at once, it would be too much, right?

SPEAKER_02 44:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

So we'll pick something, make a plan, and then I work with the child and with the parent. Because when I walk away, I want the parent to have that same confidence and ability and tools to work with their their child as well. Yes. Um, also things like what I'm gonna do for you, um, table talks, I offer those into the community. Okay. Um I reach out and work with different homeschool groups as well. So if there's a a group like that that wanted to kind of do for the whole group and not just individually, because sometimes parents are going to hear it in a group setting more than being like, okay, I need a stranger to come into my home or meet me at the park, you know, type of thing.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

Yeah, that's really beautiful that, you know, one, you offer those services, um, and you're just so genuine. You know, I I would really just share to people out there, if they're looking for real help, make sure you find somebody who's really there to help.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

You know, who's really there to to love and to be kind. Um, you know, there's so many options out there that are overly clinical. And in the clinical field, they teach you to not have empathy.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

One in your function and then, you know, two in what you offer. And so, you know, I would just share, find somebody who has a heart like you. Oh, thank you. That picks up the phone, you know, and really cares and is wanting to get to know you because it's just gonna set you, you know, in in in just a better direction.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

What would be the most important thing, okay, that you would share with uh a young family who's got a a new child or dealing with difficulties? Like what would be a tip or or trick or something that you would share with them that would be helpful, you know, or encouraging, you know, kind of kind of in their journey.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Ah, that's uh that's a good one too. Um you've asked me a lot of good questions today. Yes. Um, but I think I would remind them that we've all been there and that none of us are perfect. Um yeah, none of us are perfect. And that, you know, I use this example as well. It's kind of like on an airplane, right? What are we supposed to do? Put on our mask first before we can help someone beside us, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:55

And I think that sometimes in those moments when your child is upset or when you don't know what to do, it really is those deep breaths. And when I was younger and didn't understand, and people would say that to me, I thought that was ridiculous. How is standing here and taking 10 deep breaths going to help me?

SPEAKER_02 47:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

But now because I've done it so much with children, like my deep breaths, you can see them a mile away. It's it's obvious because that's what I have to do to teach a child, right? And so I believe in that now. Like you have to have the calm within before you can help. And we all make mistakes and we get to say oops, and we get to try it again.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Yeah. That is that's just so beautiful of how you kind of tied all that together. Um, you know, what what comes to mind for me is just having grace for yourself and and being able to take that moment again, just to pause and and to breathe. Because when you're healing and you're teaching and you're leading, which is what we're doing with our kids all the time, 24-7. Yes, it takes it takes a lot of grace for them. And if we're able to give it away, then we can get in front of a mirror and we can we can give it away. Right. But that's also a skill. You know, like you said, you tried it when you're younger. It's like, oh man, this is so hard. This is a waste of time. It's like why is this so hard? Right? Why can't I not look in the mirror and go, Hey, yeah, I love you. Right. It's gonna be okay. Right. Um, but it's because we're not really taught it when we're younger all the time.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

And so the greatest uh thing I think that we can do as parents is if we can teach it to ourselves and we can walk it out for us, we can start there. Right. Whether we're a child, whether we're middle-aged, whether we're a young adult or 70 years old.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

Then we're much more likely to be able to do it for someone else and just be a better teacher. Awesome. Well, I have really enjoyed having you here today. Um I feel like you your just wealth of knowledge is just so incredible. Um I'm really excited to have our Table Talks and have you be here at the school over the summertime and into next school year. Um go ahead and just share, you know, how people can get in contact with you, um, either your website or you know, any any last things that you want to leave with our listeners.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

Okay. Um great. Well, you can get in touch with me through social media. Um, and then also on there you will find my email address as well. Um so that would be the best way to get in touch with me.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

Amazing. All right, everybody. We just finished up an amazing interview here with Resilient Roots. We had a great conversation about children, raising families, and being the best parent out there. If you've really enjoyed this video, make sure that you do something for us here at Chasing Heritage and you like and subscribe. This allows you to get notices first up whenever we have new listeners come onto the show, or new interviewees come onto the show. As always, thank you for joining, and we'll see you next time on Chasing Heritage.