The Truth About Over-giving You Don’t Want to Hear

If you’re someone who gives, gives, gives…
and quietly feels drained, resentful, or unsupported…

this episode is for you.

In this episode of The Coherent Life, we’re talking about the truth about overgiving that most people don’t want to hear.

Why you overgive
why it’s not working
and what it actually takes to feel supported.

This isn’t about walking away from serving others. 

This is about understanding the pattern underneath overgiving
and why it keeps you stuck.

We also talk about:

• the wounded healer pattern (Chiron) and how it shows up in overgiving
• the difference between service and sacrifice
• why overgiving is often a survival mode response (fawn/over-functioning)
• how your nervous system impacts your ability to receive
• why it’s your responsibility to give to yourself first
• how to start making clear requests for support
• what it looks like to create real support in your life

This episode will help you step out of the cycle of overgiving, burnout, and resentment
and into a more grounded, supported, and empowered way of living.

If you already know that your thoughts create your reality
but you keep getting pulled into the same patterns…

this is where that pattern shifts.

If this episode is landing for you, and you’re ready to strike the balance between giving to yourself and others I’m hosting a free live training:

Thriving is the Revolution and You’re Worth It
An individual and collective journey from surviving to thriving

If you’re listening in real time, it’s happening April 26th at 9am.

Learn More & Register here:
https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/MGRHz4RyThKmBZyzrjujyg#/registration

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Coherent Life. I'm Ty. We're going to kick back and talk about survival mode, coherence, and creating your life on purpose. Real conversations about things like relationships, money, health, and the patterns that keep repeating in everyday life. If you already know that your thoughts create reality, but you keep getting stuck in the same pattern, you're in the right place. Who give, give, give, and have nobody to give back to you. The pain of overgiving and having nobody to give back to you is real. That is not something that is unique to you. So many people experience this. And if you're in this pattern, you've probably made it mean something about you that you're not appreciated, that people don't show up for you because you're unlovable. Maybe you've heard of Chiron. In astrology, Chiron is known as the wounded healer. Astronomically, it's a celestial body orbiting between Saturn and Uranus. And in astrology, it's used as a point of influence. And each of us are influenced by Chiron in a different way. I received some insight from Chiron during an energy healing session I was doing on a client this week. And what I saw was that Chiron's role is to influence us to sacrifice ourselves and feel the pain of having that wound from self-sacrifice and nobody else to heal it, and us not having any energy to heal ourselves because we gave too much to others. Chiron will run us into the ground to try to teach us where we slip out of service and into sacrifice. Service feels regenerative, it feels resourced. Sacrifice feels draining. And a healer ceases to be a healer if they are trying to heal someone beyond their capacity. A common thought I've heard from people that are in the giving field is when I serve others, I serve myself because we are all one. So I don't really prioritize myself because I know that when I give to others, I'm giving to myself. And while that is true, it's also true that when you serve yourself, you're serving others. So don't forget that and stop putting yourself last because a lot of you are using that first belief to justify your overgiving and self-sacrificing. You are responsible for giving yourself what you're craving from others. You want to be tended to so bad. That's why you tend to others so much. You hope that if you tend to just enough people or the same people just enough times, that maybe one day they will see how empty you are from filling them up and they will return the favor. And when they don't, you feel hurt, unseen, and resentful. Every time you overgive without asking explicitly for what you need in return, this is what happens. Because that's the nature of this lesson. You're barking up the wrong tree. So what's the remedy here? The remedy is to start prioritizing yourself. Learn to give to yourself what you're expecting from others. Learn to clearly make requests for assistance and support from others. He made the request and they came over and helped. He was able to clearly articulate a need and a request, and it was met. Now I can hear some of you saying, yeah, but I just don't have anybody. I know how to clearly articulate my needs, but I don't have anybody that can help me. And while that could be true, don't get lost in the wounded healer rabbit hole of that. Because this is where the work deepens. If you're in this position as uncomfortable as it is, Chiron is teaching you how to provide for yourself, to give and support yourself, so that when people do show up, you receive not from desperation, but from alignment. One of the signs that the wounded healer script is affecting you is that you love to serve others, or you did at one time, but then you stopped because you just got too drained or too resentful of never getting anything back in return. That is also part of the wounded healer, overgiving and then shutting down and isolating. If you can show up in service, make clear requests about your needs, give to yourself first, and stop obliging anybody else to be responsible for giving to you, especially because you gave so much to them. That's when you've struck a balance, and that's what we're aiming for. When you're over giving, you're not actually in clean service, you're in survival. When you're in over-functioning, you're in if I give enough, then maybe I'll be safe, maybe I'll be loved, maybe I'll be chosen. That's not generosity, that's survival. And when you're in that state, your system is trying to earn safety from the outside world, not create it from within. This is Chiron's wound. Archetypally, Chiron expects his wound to be filled and healed from the outside world and feels sorry for himself for what he makes it mean when others don't tend to his wound. The lesson here is that when Chiron becomes self-aware, he realizes nobody can heal his wound but him. He is a healer, after all. And when he realizes this, he begins to spontaneously regenerate. He finally becomes his own healer, and he comes into his own worth. In our everyday life, coherence helps us become aware of where we might be giving our power away. You stop being a victim in the equation. You're able to walk away from the fight in your mind. The why won't they give to me? The nobody loves me, the after everything I do for them. Coherence allows you to create distance from that story, view it objectively, and decide: do I want to stay in this or do I want to create something different? Something else we're learning from Chiron is that if you're expanding to your next level, set up supports for yourself now. Because a lot of you are carrying this outdated Chiron story, trying to expand into the next version of you without changing how you support yourself. And that's exactly why you keep hitting the same ceiling and perpetuating the wounded narrative. Interrupt that pattern with curiosity. What will you need after a long day of being in the next version of who you are? What type of support will you need from others? What type of support will you need from yourself? How can you commit to that support for yourself? And how can you clearly request that support from others? Get clear now. Make a plan of support now, then shift your focus to what it feels like to already be that version of you. Become familiar with those feelings. Practice becoming that version of you now without anything outside of yourself changing. Be that version of yourself often. And be that version of yourself through all the action steps you take on the path to the next version of you. And if you've been feeling overwhelmed, reactive, or like you want to change but don't know where to start, this is for you. I created a four-week stop, drop, create coherence video series to help you come out of survival mode and start to thrive more. Each week you receive a 30-minute guided practice delivered straight to your email inbox designed to help you feel safer in your body, more connected to yourself, and actually able to receive what's next. This is how you stop just getting through life and start creating it. Go to shamantaymad.com and click on the stop drop create coherence tab to get started.