Rizz'em with the Tism

In this episode, we’re breaking down what autism really is, why it’s called a spectrum, and why it feels like “everyone is getting diagnosed now.” Spoiler alert: autism didn’t suddenly appear. Our understanding finally caught up.

Rizz’em with the Tism is about blending humor, education, and respect. We talk about how autism has always existed, how diagnostic criteria have evolved, and why awareness, better screening, and reduced stigma are changing the numbers. We explore the strengths that come with neurodivergence—deep focus, creativity, honesty, loyalty, and originality—while also honoring the real challenges autistic people face in a world that isn’t designed for their nervous systems.

We dive into:

• What autism actually is (and what it is not)
• Why the spectrum is multidimensional, not a straight line
• Why diagnoses are increasing without autism “spreading”
• Girls vs. boys and how masking hides autism in plain sight
• Adult diagnosis and the relief and grief that can come with it
• The truth about ABA: where the stigma came from and how ethical, trauma-informed ABA is changing
• Why support is about access and dignity, not “fixing” people

This episode is playful, factual, and affirming. Autism isn’t a tragedy or a superpower. It’s difference. And difference deserves understanding, support, and respect.

Because autistic rizz isn’t about performance.
 It’s about authenticity.

🧭 Resources for Families & Autistic Individuals (U.S.)

Autism Society of America
https://www.autism-society.org

Education, advocacy, and community support.

CDC Autism Information
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism

Evidence-based autism data and guidance.

Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
https://autisticadvocacy.org

Autism education led by autistic voices.

Parent to Parent USA
https://www.p2pusa.org

Emotional support from other parents who understand.

Wrightslaw (IEP & Special Education Rights)
https://www.wrightslaw.com

Education law and advocacy resources.

SAMHSA Treatment Locator
https://findtreatment.gov

Find behavioral and mental health services.

United Way 2-1-1
Dial 211 or visit https://www.211.org

Local help for therapy, respite care, housing, and financial support.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988
Emotional support 24/7.

Family Voices / Family-to-Family Health Info Centers
https://familyvoices.org

Healthcare navigation support for families with special needs.

Transcript

Crystal 0:00

Welcome back to the dollhouse.

Sarah 0:01

I'm Crystal and I'm Sarah, and we are Marionette Dolls.

music 0:20

Make the angels feel like a little teacher. I said a little nice applauding a little plan.

Crystal 0:33

So we called this episode Rism with the Tism. And I just want to start by saying we're not making fun of autism. We're making fun of the way people underestimate it.

Sarah 0:43

Exactly. This isn't a ha ha funny. This is a wow, autistic people walk into a room and casually change the energy without even trying. That's the Riz. Because real charisma isn't performance, it's authenticity. And autistic authenticity is unmatched.

Crystal 0:58

Some people flirt with eye contact or small talk. Autistic people flirt by explaining niche topics so passionate that you accidentally fall in love with marine biology or Roman architect.

Sarah 1:10

And you didn't even ask. We never asked. We never ask.

Crystal 1:15

Also, can we address the classic line autism didn't exist when I was growing up? Sir, yes, it did. It was just went by a different name. Like that kid is quirky. He's difficult. She's sensitive. They're just eccentric.

Sarah 1:30

Or my personal favorite, they're just really particular.

Crystal 1:34

Meanwhile, that particular person had a specific plate no one was allowed to touch, a meltdown if plans changed, a deep obsession with one topic, and sensory overload from lights, sounds, or textures.

Sarah 1:48

That wasn't personality. That was neurology.

Crystal 1:52

Autism didn't suddenly appear. We just finally gave it a name. And naming something changes everything.

Sarah 1:58

Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference, not a disease, not a trend, not a personality flaw.

Crystal 2:05

It's just a different operating system.

Sarah 2:08

Different sensory processing, different communication styles, different emotional regulation. Not broken, just different wiring. And when we say spectrum, we don't mean straight line from mild to severe. It's not a dimmer switch. It's a sounding board.

Crystal 2:24

Different sliders, different combinations, sensory, communication, routine, social energy, emotional expression.

Sarah 2:33

Two people can be both autistic and have completely different needs.

Crystal 2:38

Which is why saying autism looks like this is wild. There's no one look, no one personality, no one story. So today we're doing three things. We're getting factual, we're getting honest, and we're keeping it human.

Sarah 2:53

Or are we? Why am I an alien?

Crystal 2:58

Right.

Sarah 3:00

We're talking history, we're talking diagnosis, we're talking why so many people are being diagnosed now. We're talking strengths, we're talking support, and yes, we're keeping the Riz.

Crystal 3:10

Because autistic Riz is walking into a world that wasn't built for you and still showing up fully yourself.

Sarah 3:17

That is power. So let's unpack the idea that autism didn't exist when we were kids, because what people really mean is there wasn't language awareness or access to diagnosis.

Crystal 3:28

Not that autistic people weren't here, they were absolutely here. They were just mislabeled.

Sarah 3:34

In the 70s, 80s, and even into the 90s, autism was mostly associated with severe presentations, non-speaking, high support needs, institutionalized.

Crystal 3:44

So if you could talk, make eye contact sometimes, or go to regular classrooms, no one even considered autism.

Sarah 3:51

You were quirky, gifted, but difficult, too sensitive, too intense, need to try harder. Or my favorite, they're just dramatic. Back then diagnostic tools were limited. Doctors weren't trained to see subtle or internalized autism. Especially in girls. Especially in kids who masked.

Crystal 4:12

Especially in families without access to specialists.

Sarah 4:15

So autism became something people only recognized at the extremes.

Crystal 4:19

Which means an entire population went unnoticed.

Sarah 4:22

Not because they weren't autistic.

Crystal 4:24

But because they were surviving quietly. Now, fast forward to today. We have better screening tools, pediatric developmental checks, trained clinicians, and public awareness.

Sarah 4:39

And we understand that autism doesn't always look like silent, isolated, or inability.

Crystal 4:44

It can look like anxiety, perfectionist, burnout, sensory overwhelm, social exhaustion.

Sarah 4:52

That's why people think autism is quote unquote new. It's not new. Our understanding is. We included girls. We included kids who speak. We included adults who masked their whole lives.

Crystal 5:39

So what changed wasn't autism.

Sarah 5:42

It was access.

Crystal 5:43

Language.

Sarah 5:44

And permission to identify.

Crystal 5:45

But back then, people survived by blending in.

Sarah 5:49

Now people survive by understanding themselves. And that's a glow-up. And that's the part people miss when they say everyone has autism now.

Crystal 5:58

No, everyone finally has a name for what they've always been experiencing.

Sarah 6:02

Autism didn't increase. Visibility did. This is the part where people get uncomfortable because when they hear one in 36, the first reaction is usually that can't be real, or something is causing this.

Crystal 6:14

Like autism is a trend.

Sarah 6:15

Or a phase. Or a social construct. And it's none of those. What's changed is how we've gotten to see it. The first big reason diagnosis numbers went up is because the diagnostic criteria changed. In the past, autism was split into separate labels: autistic disorder, Asperger's, PDD-NOS. Which already made it confusing. In 2013, with the DSM 5, all of those things were merged into one diagnostic or diagnosis, autism spectrum disorder.

Crystal 6:46

That alone widened the door.

Sarah 6:49

Because instead of asking which box do you fit in, clinicians started asking, where are you on the spectrum of traits and needs?

Crystal 6:57

So people who would have been told you don't quite meet criteria suddenly did. Not because they changed, but because the system finally had room for them.

Sarah 7:07

Another reason is screening. Pediatricians now use standardized developmental screening that didn't exist consistently before.

Crystal 7:14

So instead of waiting until something was severely wrong, we started catching things early.

Sarah 7:19

Early detection means higher numbers.

Crystal 7:21

Not more autism, just less invisibility.

Sarah 7:24

Another huge factor is that diagnosis is now tied to access. Service requires a label. Therapies, school supports, accommodation, insurance coverage.

Crystal 7:35

So families pursue diagnosis not for identity but for survival.

Sarah 7:39

Which means a lot of people who are always autistic are finally being counted. Let's talk about girls. Please. Because girls were missed for decades. Autism research was built on boys. Girls mask more. Girls internalized more.

Crystal 7:54

Girls get diagnosed with anxiety, depression, or eating disorders instead.

Sarah 7:59

So when we start recognizing autism in girls, diagnosis rates jumped.

Crystal 8:03

Not because autism suddenly started affecting girls.

Sarah 8:06

But because we finally believe them.

Crystal 8:09

Then there's adult diagnosis.

Sarah 8:11

Which is exploding.

Crystal 8:12

Because adults are looking at their kids' diagnosis and saying, wait a minute.

Sarah 8:17

That explains my whole life. And I'm like, low-key, not surprised if I'd get a diagnosis. Adults are getting diagnosed because mental health treatment didn't fully help. Burnout became unbearable. Their children were diagnosed. Or they finally saw themselves in the criteria.

Crystal 8:38

It doesn't inflate numbers artificially.

Sarah 8:41

It corrects decades of underdiagnosis.

Crystal 8:43

Another thing that matters is stigma reduction. People are less afraid of the word. And less afraid to ask for help.

Sarah 8:50

Less afraid to say something feels different.

Crystal 8:52

So when people say, why is everyone autistic now? The answer is because we stopped hiding. It's not an epidemic. It's a reveal. It's like turning the lights on in a room that was always full of people.

Sarah 9:04

And suddenly realizing how many were there all along. That's not scary. That's clarity.

Crystal 9:09

And cry making that face every time.

Sarah 9:17

I'll try not to have a face.

Crystal 9:23

And clarity is always the first step to compassion.

Sarah 9:26

When people hear autism spectrum, they picture a straight line. Like you start barely autistic and then very autistic. Like a volume knob. Exactly, but that's not how it works at all. Autism is more like a mixing board. Different sliders, different levels, different combinations. Wicka wicka.

Crystal 9:42

Exactly, but that's not how it works at all. You've got sensory sensitivity, communication differences, social energy, routine and structure needs, emotional regulation, executive function.

Sarah 9:56

And each of those can be high, low, or somewhere in between for every person.

Crystal 10:00

So two people can both be autistic and have completely different experiences.

Sarah 10:06

One might be very verbal but overwhelmed by sound and textures.

Crystal 10:09

Another might be quiet but emotionally intuitive. One might love routine. Another might crave novelty but need downtime afterwards.

Sarah 10:18

This is why high functioning and low functioning are outdated. Because they flatten people into categories that don't show the truth. Someone who looks high-functioning can be drowning internally.

Crystal 10:29

And someone who needs visible support can be brilliant, insightful, and deeply aware.

Sarah 10:34

Support needs also change over time.

Crystal 10:36

A child might need intensive support.

Sarah 10:39

An adult might need workplace accommodations.

Crystal 10:42

Someone might thrive socially in one season and struggle in another.

Sarah 10:46

Autism isn't static.

Crystal 10:47

It evolves with environment, support, stress, and safety.

Sarah 10:52

This is where the RIS comes in.

Crystal 10:54

Because autistic RIS is knowing exactly who you are in a world that keeps trying to simplify you.

Sarah 11:00

It's self-knowledge, it's self-trust. And when you stop trying to force yourself into someone else's box, you start building your own lane. That's not weakness. That's confidence. And confidence, whether people realize it or not, is magnetic. That's autistic Riz.

Crystal 11:16

This is the part people don't talk about enough. Because autism always gets framed in terms of deficits.

Sarah 11:22

What people struggle with, what they lack, what they need help fixing.

Crystal 11:27

But autism also comes with strengths that are honestly kind of elite. This is where the Riz shows up. Autistic people tend to have incredible pattern recognition. They notice connections others miss. Details.

Sarah 11:42

Inconsistencies. Subtle shifts in environment or emotions. That's why so many autistic people thrive in art, science, coding, engineering, music, research, writing. And let's talk about focus. Because when an autistic person is interested, they are interested. And that's not distraction. That's immersion.

Crystal 12:04

That's mastery energy.

Sarah 12:06

And that's how you become a person everyone goes to for the answers.

Crystal 12:09

Autistic honesty is another thing people underestimate.

Sarah 12:13

There's no performance, no hidden agenda, no social chess game. Just truth. That kind of directness is rare. And refreshing. And honestly, that's Riz. There's also emotional depth. People confuse intensity with instability. But it's really depth of experience. Autistic people often feel things more strongly.

Crystal 12:34

Which means when they love, they love.

Sarah 12:37

And when they care, they care.

Crystal 12:39

Loyalty is huge.

Sarah 12:41

Once an autistic person trusts you, the bond is solid. It's not surface level. It's real. And creative. Autism often brings original thinking.

Crystal 12:51

Unfiltered perspectives, that's for sure.

Sarah 12:54

Solutions people didn't consider.

Crystal 12:56

That is why autistic Riz isn't flashy.

Sarah 12:59

It's grounded. It's sincere. It's depth over performance.

Crystal 13:03

Some people charm you with their words.

Sarah 13:06

Autistic people charm you with being unmistakably themselves.

Crystal 13:10

That confidence without ego.

Sarah 13:12

That's presence without performance. And that's why we say Autistic Riz is unmatched. Okay, now we're stepping to the part that always brings opinions. ABA.

Crystal 13:22

Because if autism had a group chat, ABA would be the topic that starts a 300-message thread.

Sarah 13:28

And rightfully so. There's history here. Real history, real harm, and real growth. ABA stands for applied behavioral analysis. At its core, it's the science of how learning happens.

Crystal 13:40

How behaviors are shaped by the environment. How skills are taught. How communication is built. How safety and independence are supported. But early ABA was heavily compliance-based.

Sarah 13:52

It focused on making autistic children appear normal.

Crystal 13:56

Suppressing stimming.

Sarah 13:58

Forcing eye contact.

Crystal 14:00

Rewarding obedience instead of autonomy.

Sarah 14:02

And that caused trauma.

Crystal 14:03

And that's where the stigma comes from.

Sarah 14:05

And it didn't come out of nowhere.

Crystal 14:07

People were taught their natural behaviors were wrong.

Sarah 14:10

Their nervous system was something to override.

Crystal 14:13

They deserve to be acknowledged.

Sarah 14:14

Modern ABA is evolving. It's kind of important. Ethical ABA today is trauma-informed, consent-based, child-led, neurodiversity affirming. It's not about compliance. It's about communication. It's about safety. And it's about helping someone function without erasing who they are.

Crystal 14:33

Good ABA does not try to stop stimming unless it's unsafe.

Sarah 14:37

Good ABA does not force eye contact.

Crystal 14:39

Good ABA respects no.

Sarah 14:42

Good ABA builds autonomy.

Crystal 14:44

And that is where parents have power.

Sarah 14:46

You are allowed to observe sessions, ask questions, change providers, say no to anything that feels wrong. When Quinn was diagnosed and we were taking him to his first ABA, he was considered nonverbal. And for some reason, he didn't seem to like that ABA. And of course, he couldn't tell me, so I just had to stick with his intuition. We changed his ABA provider, and now he is absolutely in love with his team, all the people. And we even had him out for Christmas break, and he was like, When am I going back? Um he's like, get me out of here. I want to go back and see my friend. That's soon enough. Yeah, right? Exactly. Um, yeah, make sure that you're advocating, and if you need to change providers, that's okay. Yeah, and if it feels controlling, it probably is. If it feels respectful, supportive, and empowering, you're in the right place.

Crystal 15:36

Bad ABA tried to make autistic kids disappear.

Sarah 15:39

Good ABA helps autistic kids show up.

Crystal 15:42

That's a glove.

Sarah 15:43

ABA is a tool.

Crystal 15:44

Not a personality rewriter.

Sarah 15:46

And like any tool, it depends on the hand using it. So the conversation isn't is ABA good or bad? It's is it ethical? Is it respectful? And is it centered on the child's dignity? That's the standard. Always. We have to talk about girls because autism was not diagnosed with them in mind.

Crystal 16:04

The research, the diagnostic tool, the case studies, all built around boys. So boys got seen. And girls learn to disappear.

Sarah 16:13

Autism in boys is often externalized. More noticeable behaviors. More disruptions. More something is wrong. Autism in girls is often internalized. They're quiet. They're observant. They study people. Oh my gosh, this is hitting hard. They copy social rules like a script. That's masking. It's social survival. It's becoming a version of yourself that feels acceptable. Girls learn early. Smile, nod, be agreeable, don't stand out.

Crystal 16:43

So their autism becomes invisible.

Sarah 16:46

Instead of being diagnosed, they're labeled anxious, moody, sensitive, a perfectionist. Too much.

Crystal 16:52

And that follows them into adulthood.

Sarah 16:54

Masking is exhausting.

Crystal 16:56

It's like performing every second of the day.

Sarah 16:58

And then people wonder why autistic girls grow up so burnt out.

Crystal 17:01

Because no one ever lets them rest.

Sarah 17:04

When girls finally get diagnosed, it's often later. In their teens, in their twenties.

Crystal 17:10

Even in their 30s and beyond.

Sarah 17:11

And it's both relief and grief.

Crystal 17:14

Relief because everything finally makes sense.

Sarah 17:16

Grief because how much they struggled alone.

Crystal 17:19

So when we see more girls being diagnosed today.

Sarah 17:22

It's not inflation.

Crystal 17:23

That's correction.

Sarah 17:25

It's the system finally catching up to reality.

Crystal 17:27

And reality always deserves recognition. Adult diagnosis is one of the quietest revolutions happening right now.

Sarah 17:35

Because nobody wakes up 30, 40, or 50 and thinks, let me go get an autism diagnosis for fun.

Crystal 17:40

People seek it because something in their life finally stops working.

Sarah 17:44

Burnout hits. Anxiety spikes. Depression becomes chronic.

Crystal 17:49

Or their child gets diagnosed and they go, Oh, that's me.

Sarah 17:53

So many adults say, I thought I was just a bad at life.

Crystal 17:57

I thought I was lazy.

Sarah 17:58

I thought I was broken.

Crystal 17:59

When really they were just unsupported.

Sarah 18:03

Adult diagnosis about language.

Crystal 18:05

It gives shape to experiences that never had words.

Sarah 18:08

It reframes a lifetime of self-blame.

Crystal 18:10

It replaces shame with understanding.

Sarah 18:13

But getting an adult diagnosis is hard.

Crystal 18:15

Expensive.

Sarah 18:16

Long wait lists. Huge specialists. Insurance barriers.

Crystal 18:20

And a medical system still catching up.

Sarah 18:22

Many adults don't seek diagnosis because they need a label.

Crystal 18:25

They seek it because they need clarity.

Sarah 18:27

They want to understand their nervous system.

Crystal 18:29

They want to know how to support themselves better.

Sarah 18:32

And sometimes diagnosis is isn't about paperwork.

Crystal 18:34

It's about permission.

Sarah 18:36

Permission to rest.

Crystal 18:37

Permission to stop pretending.

Sarah 18:38

Permission to build a life that actually fits.

Crystal 18:41

Adult diagnosis isn't a late discovery.

Sarah 18:44

It's a long overdue recognition.

Crystal 18:47

It's not why didn't they catch this earlier?

Sarah 18:49

It's why were people forced to survive without support.

Crystal 18:52

And when adults finally get that understanding, something softens. Self-compassion replaces self-criticism.

Sarah 18:59

And that's healing.

Crystal 19:00

That's adult autistic ris.

Sarah 19:02

Knowing yourself deeply and choosing kindness, anyways. This is where we slow it down and really clear the air because people say it feels like everyone is autistic now. And what they're really noticing is visibility.

Crystal 19:14

And it never really increased. It's just showing more visible now.

Sarah 19:19

Autism didn't suddenly multiply. We just stopped hiding it. Think about how many things used to be whispered: mental health, disability, neurodivergency.

Crystal 19:29

We used to pretend differences didn't exist unless they were impossible to ignore.

Sarah 19:34

Now we name them.

Crystal 19:35

And naming something doesn't create it, it reveals it.

Sarah 19:39

Back in the day, people survived by blending in.

Crystal 19:42

Now people survive by understanding themselves.

Sarah 19:45

There's also something called diagnostic substitution.

Crystal 19:48

Which means kids who have once would have been labeled learning disabled, emotionally disturbed, behavior problems, socially awkward.

Sarah 19:57

Are now being correctly identified as autistic.

Crystal 20:00

Anime kid. Once to the launch room.

Sarah 20:03

Naruto style.

Crystal 20:04

Naruto style. That didn't create new autism.

Sarah 20:08

It corrected mislabeling. Another thing people miss is that services require diagnosis.

Crystal 20:13

You don't get accommodations without paperwork.

Sarah 20:16

You don't get there, people without a code.

Crystal 20:17

So diagnosis became a doorway for support.

Sarah 20:21

So yes, numbers rise.

Crystal 20:22

Because people need access.

Sarah 20:24

Another piece is community.

Crystal 20:26

Autistic people finding each other online. Sharing language. Sharing stories. Realizing, wait, this is me.

Sarah 20:32

That doesn't mean people are self-diagnosing for fun. It means people are recognizing patterns that were never explained to them before. So when somebody says everyone's autistic now.

Crystal 20:42

What they're really seeing is people finally being honest about how their brains work.

Sarah 20:46

That's not over-diagnosis.

Crystal 20:48

That's understanding.

Sarah 20:49

And understanding always makes things look bigger before they feel calmer.

Crystal 20:53

And that's growth.

Sarah 20:54

So when we look at autism through all of this history, data, identity, masking, diagnosis, support. What we're really seeing is not a disorder that suddenly appeared. We're seeing a truth that finally has a language. Autism isn't new.

Crystal 21:09

Understanding is.

Sarah 21:11

For decades, people were told to shrink to quiet themselves. To fit into boxes that were never made for them.

Crystal 21:17

And now we're finally saying, what if the box was wrong?

Sarah 21:20

Autism doesn't need to be cured.

Crystal 21:22

It needs to be understood.

Sarah 21:23

It needs to be supported.

Crystal 21:25

And it needs to be respected.

Sarah 21:26

When autistic people are given the right accommodations, they don't become someone else.

Crystal 21:31

They become more themselves.

Sarah 21:33

That's why this episode isn't about convincing people autism is good or bad.

Crystal 21:37

It's about helping people see it clearly.

Sarah 21:39

Autism isn't tragedy.

Crystal 21:41

It's not a superpower.

Sarah 21:42

It's difference.

Crystal 21:44

And difference is human. So when we say rism with a tism, we're saying that confidence is authenticity.

Sarah 21:50

There is power in self-knowledge.

Crystal 21:52

There's charisma in not pretending.

Sarah 21:54

Autistic Riz is walking into a world that constantly misunderstood you.

Crystal 21:58

And still choosing to exist, Wooly.

Sarah 22:01

That's bravery.

Crystal 22:02

Presence.

Sarah 22:03

That's power.

Crystal 22:04

To parents listening, your child isn't behind.

Sarah 22:07

They're on their own timeline.

Crystal 22:08

And that timeline is valid.

Sarah 22:10

To autistic adults listening.

Crystal 22:12

You were never broken.

Sarah 22:14

You were navigating without a map.

Crystal 22:15

And now you finally have one.

Sarah 22:17

To everyone listening.

Crystal 22:19

Difference is not danger.

Sarah 22:20

It's diversity.

Crystal 22:22

And diversity is strength. That's how you rhythm with the tism. With knowledge, respect, and a whole lot of love.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Bye bye. Thank you for listening. Please like and subscribe. Please follow us on social media. I just don't need to. Okay.

music 22:40

How do I fully awful you are? Dancing on the last good sky. You like me up? And tear apart. How do I fully awful? You toast the truth with poisoned blood. Make wrong feel beautifully divine. Your halo snips for the witch. You say me down to the last day.