The Topher Brown Show
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The Topher Brown Show
The Prodigal Daughter
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TODAY OUR GOOD FRIEND AMANDA SITS DOWN AND TELLS US HER STORY. AND WHAT AN AMZING STORY IT IS. A TALE OF REBELLION, LOSS, TRAGEDY, AND ULTIMATELY, FORGIVENESS AND REDEMPTION. JOIN US!
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The parable of the prodigal son is probably one of the most impactful stories that Jesus ever told. I think that's because in a lot of ways we can all relate to it in some way, shape, or form. But today we're going to hear not from a prodigal son, from a prodigal daughter. So let's discuss that. This is the Topher Brown show. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Topher Brown Show. Appreciate you tuning in and watching wherever you're watching from, listening, wherever you're listening from. We're going to talk about something that we can all relate to today. What's kind of struck me lately is the fact that God has, because He has made us all uniquely in such with such individual characteristics and personalities, it means that we're all going to have a unique story. But before we do that, I got to say hello to my co-host and producer in there, Mr. Nick Smith. What's up, brother? Oh, not much. Howdy, howdy, America.
SPEAKER_00How's life in the Weston, Mississippi area treating you? Well, it's raining, it's pouring. This old man is almost snoring. But I do have good news for America. Yeah. I have a prescription. Yeah. What kind of prescription, you may ask? For these eyes. No way. Oh yeah. Are we done with the we done with the shades, man? We're not done just yet. Uh I gotta order some glasses.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh I need a new pair of sunglasses. I need a couple of pairs of regular glasses in case I run over them again.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But uh yeah, we're we're getting close to the finish line.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Well, uh, still maintain that you might should just keep wearing the shades, at least on the show. I mean, Maui Jim, hit us up. We're uh we're looking for sponsors. That's right. We're accepting sponsors. I've been wearing the same pair of glasses for oh about 10 years now. It's probably time for a new pair, a new and a prescription update myself.
SPEAKER_00Oh, see, that's that's what got me is uh I didn't realize how bad my eyes had gotten since the last prescription. Right. Uh I looked over at the computer as the lady was finishing up, and uh I was surprised to see how bad they've gotten just over the last like four years. Hmm. I should be blind, even with glasses on.
SPEAKER_02Well, uh for a minute there I was thinking you were, because you look a lot like Ray Charles in there.
SPEAKER_00I prefer Stevie Wonder, but yeah, we'll we'll go with that. Okay, I got you. We can do Stevie Wonder. Nah, let's go back to Ray Charles. Okay. Ray was way cooler. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, I don't know. That's that's uh that's a personal preference thing, I think. We should argue about that later. Um so Nick and I, our personal stories are completely clean. There's no skeletons in our closet. No, we've never done anything in our past. We got we got nothing but sunshines and sunshine and rainbows and butterflies in our past.
SPEAKER_00Perfect life. Jesus loves me.
SPEAKER_02Perfect life, never you know, never sinned, really. Never done anything of note. All right, Todd White. Right. Oh boy. Oh. There's a there's a podcast episode coming. Call back to episode one. That's right. Episode one, holy smokes. I I am, of course, being facetious. We all, every single one of us has a has a history of something. Um uh somebody told me one time that the best testimony, the best testimony you could have is never having done anything wrong, never having committed any of those sins or any of that stuff. That's the best testimony you can have. Unfortunately, none of us have that testimony. Um, and so, but uh we've got a guest today that's gonna uh tell her story. And I don't know if you guys are, if you're not subscribed to the Beautifully Broken podcast, you need to be. Uh little little plug for Stephanie right there, one of our former guests. It's pretty good. It's awesome, and um, she's doing a great job over there. I saw her episode with our guest, and uh I thought, man, we need to have her on to tell her story because you know we have a we have probably a completely different audience of the Beautifully Broken podcast, uh, and that's not a bad thing. Probably mostly guys that watch this show, and that's fine. But uh we've been blessed uh to be able to make a lot of friends um over the years, and uh our guest is no exception to that. She's one of our very good friends. I want to welcome Miss Amanda Pace to the program.
SPEAKER_05Thank you for the show.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely, thank you for coming on. Um you have a very uh unique story and it's very impactful. I when it whenever I was watching uh the Beautifully Broken episode, uh I was just glued to it. Because, you know, not to let the cat out of the bag, but we've known each other for a little while now. Um we Amanda and her husband and her whole family come to our church. Uh, and you guys have been coming for how many years now? About three? Uh three or four?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_04Well, probably about five at this point.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. So we've known each other for a good while. Um, and I knew, you know, uh obviously I knew that uh addiction was a part of your past, but I did not know some of the other details until I listened to the Beautifully Broken show, and I was like, holy smokes, we gotta have her on the show. And so thanks for coming and doing this, and uh, we really appreciate you coming on. But um, I want to kind of just jump right into your story because I think it's a beautiful example of um God's redemption for our lives. It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful, I've said beautiful a lot. I'm probably gonna say it a lot more. It's a beautiful example of God never turning his back on us, yes, never giving up on us, even when we have seemingly given up on him. Yes. And so um that's that's why I wanted to have you on today because I think that a lot of our listeners um could get a lot out of your story. And I know that that the Lord is kind of bringing you into a season. First of all, I know that you're not super comfortable on a microphone and in front of a camera, and that's completely fine, but you are you're dead. This is a safe space up in here. Um, but I think that probably the Lord is bringing you into a season of of getting your story out there because it can help so many people. Uh so let's start off with the basics. Who are you? Where are you from?
SPEAKER_04Um I'm Amanda Pace. I'm originally from Eagle Lake, Mississippi, which is a little bit north of Vicksburg. Um been in Brookhaven since I was probably about nine or ten.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. What was your so tell me a little bit about your family life growing up? Uh your your parent, dad in the picture, mom in the picture. How did that work?
SPEAKER_04Uh my parents were split up by the time I was two. I don't ever remember my mother and father being together. Um We moved to Arkansas and my mom remarried then, and then my grandfather got sick. We moved back home. Um, she remarried again, and that's what brought us back to Brookhaven. Um, my dad, my biological father, he was always there, but he wasn't a father. He was a friend. I gotcha. Um and as I got older, I grew to understand that that relationship was harder than I thought it was as a child for him to make that work. Today we have a great relationship. But when I was eight years old, my mother met and married the man that I called my daddy until he passed away.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, I think uh that's a that's a road that's easy for a lot of guys to go down in terms of being a father versus being a friend. Yeah. I think that a lot of us um, you know, I have a a little boy, three years old, and a lot of times I expect things out of him that I should not expect from a three-year-old. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And a lot of times I I'm guilty of just wanting it to be a buddy-buddy relationship and not a father-son relationship. How important is it for fathers to be fathers to their kids? That's a that's a podcast and a sermon for another day, ladies and gentlemen. All right, so uh your mom remarried to the guy that you called your father. What what was y'all's home life like from that point on?
SPEAKER_04I mean, as far as I knew, it was completely typical, completely normal. I mean, there's some things that I don't care to mention, but I mean it w it all in all it was good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know, I mean, we grew up, I mean, I went to school, did all the things that you that normal kids do. Um I graduated high school in 2000. Um by the following May, I had a child. Um guy that I had met right as I graduated high school. I lived a really sheltered life. Like my dad let me go out one night a weekend, and when I went out, I had to be home by 10.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04So when I met this guy, they allowed me to do more with him because they trusted him and they liked him, and that led to making dumb decisions.
SPEAKER_02Was that was that a um was there was there a rebellious type of deal going on there, or was it more so just like your your parents really trusted the the guy and so they gave you a lot of slack on the Absolutely?
SPEAKER_04It was no rebellion. My mom will tell you now that I didn't do anything wrong until I was grown and married. You know, of course I got pregnant out of wedlock, but when it comes in the grand scheme of things, like the really bad things didn't come until after I had had all three of my children.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. Uh so how did it work out with with uh that relationship? Um you guys are are fresh out of high school uh and you're pregnant. That's gotta be a a kind of a daunting thing to be looking at right now.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, absolutely. And the disappointment that I had put on my family and things like that. So I think and I believe I carried that for years and not knowing that I carried that. Um Jonathan and I got married two weeks after we found out I was pregnant in our three-month relationship that we had had. Wow. So I mean, we didn't know each other. We were young, didn't have a I mean, he's an amazing father. When I was not present, he was he was present. He he is an amazing father to our son. But we weren't married a year and a half, and that led to a divorce. And during our divorce, I got pregnant with my twins. So by the age of 21 years old, I had three children.
SPEAKER_02Wow. So you were going through all right, so let's back up. You're going through a divorce. Is that when did you ever really feel kind of a sense of because you guys got pregnant right out of high school? Did you ever really feel a sense of like, okay, I'm entering into the adult world, or were you just kind of thrown into it?
SPEAKER_04I was definitely thrown into it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I had no idea.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's that's tough. I can imagine that's a really probably a scary situation to find yourself in.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Wow. I can't even imagine. So how old were you when you were pregnant with the twins?
SPEAKER_04Uh twenty-one.
SPEAKER_02Twenty-one.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02So you're 21 and you've got three kids at this point. Yes. Uh so are you you're single, I'm assuming, at this point.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02What what's your what's your living situation at that time and what's your relationship with your family?
SPEAKER_04Um, I'm my parent, my mom has always been a good support system. Like always, it's it's kind of a catch-22. Like, she's always there, always belling me out of any situation, helping me in ways that were enabling, but she didn't realize it at the time. But she's always been there. Like, and that it's hard, it's hard to catch both of those the flips that you know, like always being there isn't always a good thing either.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_04Um, but I was my uncle had passed away and left a trailer and 10 acres of land to my mom. So my mom was allowing me and my kids to live there. I was going to school, working. Um things were as normal as are my normal.
SPEAKER_02Right, yeah. Yeah, they were on your own version of normal at that time. Yeah, I get that. Um, yeah, I think I think that especially as parents, my brother told me, um, who's a who's an awesome guy and an awesome dad. He told me whenever we were having our first child, he said that the there's two things are gonna happen. He said, You're going to be wildly, insanely in love with somebody you've known for about five minutes.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And you're also gonna have a new appreciation for your parents because you're gonna realize that your parents still look upon you as that little baby.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh, which is like a like you said, it's a catch 22 because we can allow our kids to get away with a whole heck of a lot under the kind of excuse of just loving them and you know and providing, yeah, trying to provide for them. So I definitely get that. So, but you felt like your mom was kind of unknowingly, unconsciously enabling your lifestyle and your behavior at that time.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But at this time, were you had addiction entered your life yet, or were you just kind of trucking along, just making ends meet, doing what you could do?
SPEAKER_04At this point, I was Riley and Reagan were born in December. Um, within two weeks of their birth, I had tried drugs for the first time.
SPEAKER_02Wow. So two weeks after they were born. Yes. Wow. How did that happen?
SPEAKER_04Um, like I said, I was in school and I was working. Um, I had met a new guy. We were hanging out, and because I was raised so strictly, I was so naive to the things of the world. Like I had never seen drugs, never I mean, my parents drank alcohol, but other than that, there were no drugs. Right. So I had no idea the severity, the consequences.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And once I did learn all that stuff, it was too late. Like I was already addicted.
SPEAKER_02Wow. Was it was it was I've heard of I've heard people say that the like in some instances, like the they were addicted from the very first time they did it. Was it one of those deals, or was it just kind of like gradual descent?
SPEAKER_04The very first time I ever, and you know, the drug I'm referring to is meth.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04Um, like I said, I was working, I was going to school, I had three young kids, yeah, and I was doing all this m and so the first time that I ever done drugs, I had been up studying for finals, I had people hanging out at my house. I didn't know what they were hanging out and why they were up all the time. I was dumb.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_04But I was like, okay, it was three o'clock in the morning. I'm like, okay, guys, I gotta go to bed, I gotta get up, I got school in the morning. And one of the guys says, Here, try this. And I was like, Oh, my house is clean, I can go to work. I I had all this energy. So for a minute I was like, Oh, where'd this come from? Well, you know, and and it it was not a not addicted or feigning for the drugs because it's that just wasn't how you but I was addicted to the feeling and the ability to get things done. And sure, and I didn't have the desire to not have that.
SPEAKER_02Amazing what we can do when sleep isn't. Yes, you got 24. Right, exactly. So you said there was a bunch of people hanging out over your house. So you're 21-ish, twenty-two maybe at the time. Yeah. And uh you've got a house to yourself. Is this how people just came to kind of gravitate towards your place?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And it was on 10 acres of land, and anybody knows anything about manufacturing of meth. They need land and space to do it. And I was dumb.
SPEAKER_02So you had some folks that were actually cooking meth right there at your place and you weren't even aware of that. No idea.
SPEAKER_04I'd go to school and come home and holy smokes. I had no idea.
SPEAKER_02So if the cops would have busted in They did. And okay, we'll get there. Nice. We'll get there. All right. So you've you've had your first experience with meth and with hard drugs, and all of a sudden you've got all this newfound energy and you can do all the things. So talk about kind of the the progression into just full-on addiction from that point, because I imagine that it started with kind of chasing that feeling, and then it became a necessity to have it all the time.
SPEAKER_04Um I didn't dabble. I went straight in 100% head first from day one. Um, with that being said, within the time that, like I said, Riley and Regan were two weeks old the first time I tried, by the time they were in by the time they were eight months old, I was in treatment.
SPEAKER_02Wow. So was that quick?
SPEAKER_04Yes. I had lost my jobs, I had lost my place to live, the Mississippi Bureau of Narcotics had kicked in the door.
SPEAKER_02All right, so let's let's talk about that. How did how did that come to pass? Or were you there? Were the girls there? What was going on?
SPEAKER_04At that point, my son was there. I have a son who will be twenty-five in just a few days, and then Riley and Regan are 22. Um They were all there. And at the point of them kicking the door in, phone calls had already been made. So my ex-husband was standing at the door, and my mama was standing at the door along with the Yes. Wow. And that was an immediate decision at that point. You sign your kids over or they go into CPS custody. Gosh. That wasn't hard for me. I mean, it was it was hard, but in the situation I was in, that the alternative was worse. Yes. Yeah. So Jonathan got custody of Caleb at that point, and my mama got custody of my twins.
SPEAKER_02Were the people that were manufacturing meth, were they there when this happened?
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02And they got, I'm assuming, hauled off.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um holy smokes. I can't I can't even imagine. So, okay, you're between a rock and a hard place. You you've the Mississippi Bureau of Narcotics has kicked in your door and and they're threatening to put your kids in CPS unless you sign them over to your parents and your ex-husband.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um, so I'm assuming you made the choice then. Did you have to make the choice then and there? Right then. Right then. Yes. So what happens to you after that point? Do they take you to jail? I mean, how's that how did that work?
SPEAKER_04Um, I went to jail and then the sequence of events that happened, the guy that was there being he was like, I'll take credit for everything y'all found.
SPEAKER_02If this is one of the guys who was cooking the meth.
SPEAKER_04You know, and rightfully he should have, but right, but I was taking doing it too. It wasn't just his fault. At this point, I knew what was going on. Um But he said, Everything if y'all let her go, I'll sign something right now saying everything y'all found belonged to me.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_04And um and at this point, for most people, it would be, okay, let's get our life together. This isn't going very well. Your career's been eight months long, and you're not good at this.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04But instead, I chose to stay there. Like I had lost my house, lost the guy that I was with, my kids.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's like nothing left to lose kind of a scenario. And your kids at this time are are by the time you're getting out of jail, they're still with your parents and your ex-husband. Yes. Did you feel a sense of um, well, they're they're good.
SPEAKER_04I did. Because and and I always go back to that and say, like, with my mom enabling me, like hindsight's 2020, of course, but I often think had she said get your kids, I wouldn't have been as free to just continue living in the hill that I chose to live in for the next ten years.
SPEAKER_02So I'm assuming at this time as well, you're full blown addicted.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02And so it's not like you're just gonna turn that off like a water fossil. Um so I can imagine that that that probably plays a role in what you're about to do next.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02So what was the what was it what was the next steps after all right, the guy has has basically vouched for every for you and said he's gonna take the rap, you get out of jail, where do you go from there?
SPEAKER_04From pillar to post. I mean, it it really was, I mean and I often say, you know, when I first started using it was fun. Okay, I mean it but then it it be it became a chore. Wow. I mean, um there was no fun about it after after a certain point.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um the party mentality probably had worn off at this point.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02I mean And also it's not free.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So how are you how are you uh uh funding your addiction at this point?
SPEAKER_04Um well at this point, you know, like I said, I knew people that were manufac at this point I was I was okay, you know, like I knew enough people and you could you could get the hookup from some folks, yeah. Yeah. Um and through all my addiction, you know, I mean, I I worked. Like I was functioning through most of you know, I mean, there was a a stint where I worked at a restaurant for s seven years making everyday money.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So I was good.
SPEAKER_02Which is which is like, you know, there's some folks who um you know they're in they're in addiction and they're incapacitated. They can't do anything but get high and that's it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But it's it's kind of even more dangerous when you're a high functioning addict. Yes. Because you can you can trick everybody and fool everybody to thinking maybe you don't have a problem.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I mean I I worked for um another company for about 15 years and then um well off and on um I married again my second husband and I we moved to Hattiesburg because that's where his job led him and I went there and got a job working as an office manager.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know I mean and and for a while there I was clean. But then I started dabbling at this point.
SPEAKER_02Let me ask you this where does Jesus fit in in all of this? Are you were you a believer at this time? How how did that work?
SPEAKER_04At the age of 16 I had a true encounter with Christ at a Disciple Now weekend at East Haven um I was saved. I was baptized at that point in my life. Yeah and through all the years of my addiction and everything I know the Lord had his hand on me. There were so many situations that he protected me in and saved me from myself. He chose me when I didn't choose him.
SPEAKER_02Yeah that's big yeah that's a big statement.
SPEAKER_04Yeah I mean that there were years I always knew you know I mean I was raised in church you know I always knew but I chose to run from him.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04Um and then I went through my second divorce and after that things just snowballed again.
SPEAKER_02So you said you were clean for a while what uh was this how how long after getting out of jail the first time?
SPEAKER_04Um at the at the point that I got clean Riley and Reagan were about four years old. Gotcha okay so when I got clean and stayed clean for a while they were from probably four to six or seven.
SPEAKER_02How long were you clean at that point?
SPEAKER_04It was just a couple of years.
SPEAKER_02A couple of years and you were remarried at this time? Yes.
SPEAKER_04Okay gotcha um and we went to church but we were just Sunday morning consumers. We went on Sun our life didn't reflect anything other than that we went to church on Sunday mornings. Gotcha and so that obviously ended at some point down the road was that due to addiction or was that other things no it was it was other things that ended that marriage and but once that marriage was over I found every excuse to go back into addiction.
SPEAKER_02Yeah that's what I was gonna that's what I was going to ask next because a lot of a lot of times those big traumatic life things happen and it'll throw us right back to where we started.
SPEAKER_04But even before we had split up I was doing the weekend thing you know and um but I was able to hide it. I was good at hiding.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So I was doing it and that probably contributed some to the things that happened but you know I choose to block some stuff out as we all do. Um but it it probably contributed yeah but I'll I'll never know because him and I'll never have that conversation.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha let's let's fast forward a little bit so you're you've you've been remarried and then it's been clean for a couple years you get a divorce and you're you're kind of spiraling back into addiction. Are you employed at this time? How how are you funding it at that at this point?
SPEAKER_04Um at this point I was working in Hattiesburg and once we split up and got a divorce and my dad was sick so I chose to move back home. He was progressively getting worse and I chose to move back home and um upon moving back home I went to work for an oilfield company. So at that point I was an office manager at an oil field company.
SPEAKER_02So gotcha so you had moved back to Brookhaven and gotten this job. Yes with an oilfield company um and but you're at this time when you got this job you're in addiction. Yes at this point. Yes got you all right so I think that probably leads us into the biggest one of the biggest aspects of your story and that's prison time. Yes right walk me through that progression.
SPEAKER_04Okay you you come home your dad's sick you come home you get this job how long did this last until um I worked with him three to five years or something along those lines. And it it started very gradual but once again I'm an addict we do what we do to to um so I ended up with an embezzlement charge.
SPEAKER_02Okay so you were so I'm assuming this is a pretty good job.
SPEAKER_04Yeah that you had yeah and you were skimming off the top was this to to feed your addiction and to in the beginning it was to feed my addiction and fund the things and and then it became what I thought it was easy.
SPEAKER_02Like Yeah the which in itself can become an addiction.
SPEAKER_04Yes I was I got too comfortable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah and I've seen you know um you you see you see people who have been charged with stuff like shoplifting and stuff like that right yeah that have a six figure job but they're shoplifting why because they're addicted yes to the feeling of getting away with something yeah and so that's that's an addiction all in itself I can I can imagine.
SPEAKER_04It was a high of its own you know I mean right and until it's not anymore.
SPEAKER_02Right. So in case you're in case anybody's wondering out there embezzlement is a felony yes that comes with big boy and big girl charges.
SPEAKER_04Yes um I was facing a 30 year prison sentence um and upon taking the plea in court that was I had three years house arrest and five years post-release supervision which means reporting to a probation officer once a week for five years. Yeah um and I took all that and done that um at this point I was still using through all of this.
SPEAKER_02Um you get found out on the embezzlement stuff.
SPEAKER_04Does who how does your boss find out and and confront you or fire you or how how does that he doesn't he doesn't ever confront me with it and knowing him as a person that makes sense to me. Uh-huh but um I went to the courthouse one day with somebody else to take care of a ticket or do I was dumb like I was in people's face all the time when I should have been sitting but I was at the courthouse and an investigator brought me in I was standing in line with someone else and he says hey come here let me talk to you for a minute holy smoke so this is just happenstance?
SPEAKER_02Yeah you you wind up in a courthouse and the investigator who's investigating you sees you there.
SPEAKER_04Yeah oh my gosh and he pulls me into the room and he asks me some questions and of course I'm a manipulator. Uh-huh so I've I've come up with all the answers like giving him everything so he can't he didn't have the proof at that moment to hold me right so he lets me go but at this point I know that I'm formally charged. Yes. Yeah and I was still working until this day that I went into so I mean I guess he was trying to get everything.
SPEAKER_02What's the anxiet anxiety level like?
SPEAKER_04Oh I qu I shut that's when my addiction became horrible because then I wasn't hiding anymore. Yeah I wasn't I quit work well I didn't quit I'm sure I was fired at that point but I didn't go back. Gotcha once I knew that the investigator was talking to me that there had formerly been something done right I spiraled.
SPEAKER_02I can imagine yeah I'm sure the anxiety of potentially going to prison was through the roof before you at this point.
SPEAKER_04Yeah I wasn't in anybody's face anymore I was sitting at home hiding yeah because I knew the gig was up.
SPEAKER_02Wow yeah um all right so they bring charges down at some point yeah um and and you go before the court and they offer you a plea deal. Yes. Plea deal how does that what what was that plea deal and how did that work?
SPEAKER_04Well I t I took a blind plea which means they guarantee no prison time upon taking a blind plea as long as you do what you're supposed to do.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_04And of course I didn't do what I was supposed to do.
SPEAKER_02Okay I was gonna say so you get kind of a sweetheart deal of uh no prison time but you gotta plead to whatever they want to get you to plead to which I don't think there's a person on the planet that probably facing what you potentially were facing wouldn't take that deal.
SPEAKER_04Well but and they lessened my charge from embezzlement to grand larceny.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04Because embezzlement can never be removed from your record.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04But grand larceny can. So the Lord's hand was on me even in that like you won't have to carry this for the rest of your life.
SPEAKER_02Wow that's incredible. Okay but the the stipulation is you're on house arrest for three years and you can't go outside the allotted perimeter that they give you and obviously we know that at some point you wind up in prison. So how does that happen? What what happened there? Um I actually went to prison for nonpayment of restitution okay so you you were ordered to pay restitution as part of your plea agreement yes okay and you weren't making those payments no got you and that's what landed me in prison.
SPEAKER_04I went to prison on September the 5th of 2019. Did they kick your door down and take you away in cuffs did you have to turn yourself in I went in on a normal report day thought things were fine it was getting close to time to get the ankle monitor off I go in and he says come on back here and in my head I'm like yay we're getting the ankle monitor off yeah no how did they drop that bomb on you they don't they just put you get in the car put you in the handcuffs get in the car you you don't get to ask where you're going.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. Yeah seems like they should at least tell you they don't gosh all right so surprise you're going to prison yeah um okay let's let's back up a little bit during the house arrest are you still in addiction at this point?
SPEAKER_04No at this point I had gotten clean. Okay I had gotten clean um I got clean in March okay so upon going to prison I was seven months clean something like that.
SPEAKER_02So it's like you get clean and like okay time to pay for your transgressions.
SPEAKER_04Yeah clean you can't even go in there with your senses doled yeah how how does your um your fa how's your family taking all of this at this point once again you know I mean at this point my my my son we don't have a relationship I mean he's he carries a lot of resentments and anger which is understandable. Sure. So I mean talking to him and even part of the equation. Um and my twins at this point on the day that I went in they were 15 years old and they had never had a mama and and they were just kind of sick of me sick of my decisions that had affected them their whole life. Right. That I never seen. You know I would tell you in a heart I'm only hurting myself. I'm not you know were my kids there of course because they don't you know kids just don't naturally don't know how to turn their back on their mama because it's a love like you said earlier. Absolutely and my mama doesn't know how to turn her back on her child because once again it's the love of a mama.
SPEAKER_02Yeah you know so they were there right as much as they knew how to be yeah wow yeah I can imagine that was probably all pretty devastating on the not only them but you as well yeah I see how I should be separated.
SPEAKER_04I spent Riley and Reagan's 16th birthday in prison. Jeez but through that what the Lord did for me during that time because I had done lost everything oh a hundred times over I had always had access to my kids but never took advantage of that. I I was like they're good. But when I went to prison I didn't have that access anymore. Right um that was a level of humility that I had to have because I had had every other consequence that you can imagine. Yeah and prison was the most freeing part of my journey. Wow that's a contradiction in the world's eyes you know but it was during that time that I had literally lost the ability to control a light switch or sit in a bathroom by myself. Right it was and it it changed something for me that no other consequence of the world ever did. Yeah but in that prison cell alone with the Lord I mean I had time to sit down and read my word and grow in the Lord um yeah you know like I said you know they called me Christian in jail in prison you know I mean I'm okay with that it was it was it was so well your your experience in prison um is that kind of the that's the label that they put on you because of just the way that you carried yourself.
SPEAKER_02They knew that they saw you probably reading your scriptures and stuff like that. Yeah I imagine that that's probably a lot more preferable than anything else that you could be labeling. Absolutely you know uh I can't I've never been to prison I can't imagine going to prison I know that it's probably a a pretty scary place it is at first. Goodness um we were talking about actually you and I and your husband were talking about at lunch the other day um isn't it amazing what God can do when you're just completely devoid of distractions. Yes like you're sitting in a prison cell you got not you can't go anywhere, can't do anything, can't talk to anybody it's you and a Bible.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And the Lord. Yeah and the Lord broke through in your life he did right there in prison.
SPEAKER_04Yes and I'm in a mighty you know I mean I'm not perfect by no means I still have stuff but the desires of my heart have changed um and it took that humility and the Lord knew where Amanda needed to be on her journey to change everything.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely wow that's beautiful so Lord breaks through in your life right there in prison how long did you stay in prison?
SPEAKER_04I was only in prison for 111 days.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha and so how so whenever they uh decided to take you on in for not paying restitution did they put a sentence on you or did was it because initially it was going to be 30 years.
SPEAKER_04Yeah you go in not knowing anything and in the system it it's it's a lot of people there. I know it's but I mean you you're you're just exactly what they say you're a number you don't get to ask questions you don't get to know things I didn't fail a drug test I was showing up for reports you know the first time I had done anything that I wasn't supposed to do gotcha I just got the minimum.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04So they gave they sentenced me to a 90 day program. Gotcha within the prison system. But I had to the first 11 days were processing.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_04And then I had to complete the 90 day program.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha. So you get out um what what year would this have been?
SPEAKER_042020.
SPEAKER_022020 you get out in the midst of COVID. I get out in January of 2020. At the height of COVID probably like the peak of it. That's kind of crazy. Where does life take you from there?
SPEAKER_04At this point I have made the decision that I will live my life for the Lord um nothing would ever take me away from my kids again. Yeah I would not take myself away from my kids again. My brother and my sister-in-law and I we bought a house we I I went back to work things were just good. Yeah and you have a different respect for things and a different view on life once you haven't been able to control a light switch.
SPEAKER_02I can only imagine yeah um so lead us into um how you met your current husband your current and only husband um because he's a great friend of ours and maybe we'll have him on the podcast at one point um because there's a little bit more to the story we're we're close to the end but there's a little bit more to the story there I think.
SPEAKER_04I had kind of came to the thing that I wasn't looking for a relationship and my kids are grown at this point and you know um and then I go to church after Stephanie and I had had a conversation just a couple of weeks ago about I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm not looking and then on the front steps of the church I meet Glenn who started coming first him or you I was a coming before.
SPEAKER_02Okay gotcha. Yeah and you walk up one day and there it is.
SPEAKER_04Yeah Ronnie goes let me introduce you to my sister and Glenn makes some cheesy comment and I walk right by no not making a cheesy comment yeah it worked wow wow okay so um you know fast forward a little bit you guys are in a relationship you get you wind up getting married Glenn and I met in September okay and we're married in November hey come on no time to waste around here he owns his own business does his thing you know he has two small children that he has full custody of at this point and we were both were like okay if this is what we're gonna do this is what we're gonna do. Yeah we ain't getting no younger yeah we we want to be together let's do it yeah so we were married in November I love it yeah but before that marriage and and from September to November we were hit with just yeah hailstorm after hell you know like any is a hundred percent a God thing because where I was in my life with all the issues and all the stuff and the small kids and this and that any other time I'd have been like nope right I'm not doing this. Yeah this ain't for me.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04I mean Glenn was sentenced to drug court Glenn got wrongly accused of something and had to spend a weekend in jail. It was just dark after dark.
SPEAKER_02Right. You you you saw a bunch of red flags and you're like nah yeah like carnival oh that's awesome oh man I love that um what which Glenn's story is um just as crazy awesome impactful as yours is and I and I I think one day we need to have him on tell his story but um I want to fast forward to so you guys get married I want to fast forward to um one of the big biggest tragedies that you guys had to face you're you're married um and then you you have you you guys and your family have to go through a major trial just fresh into your marriage. Yeah let's talk a little bit about that I you know I know it's hard to talk about and I'm not trying to rehash anything but I really think I feel like um there's probably a lot of people watching this that will get a lot out of of y'all's perseverance through it.
SPEAKER_04Um Glenn and I married in November um our third fourth grandchild was born in June of the following year. Um on October the 10th I received a phone call that morning from my daughter that her baby wouldn't wake up on October the 10th we lost Kaylin which is our grandchild Reagan's daughter um and it was one of the hardest days of my life the hardest day of my baby's life.
SPEAKER_02I imagine that something like that because how old was Kaylin at that time?
SPEAKER_04She was three months and 29 days.
SPEAKER_02Three months so I've got a six month old at the house that hits yeah that hits hard. Yeah I can imagine that you would just about take any prison prison sentence over that. Absolutely I cannot even imagine um talk about the perseverance that it takes to get through something like that.
SPEAKER_04Through that and um I know that there are people who know me that were worried that I would go back to that.
SPEAKER_05Sure.
SPEAKER_04Because in in a state of using drugs you don't have any emotion. It's hard to feel things because you've numbed everything. And if ever at a time in my life that I wanted to numb things yeah it was during that time but not once did I think let me return to addiction because at this point you know I was leaning on the Lord and I had to I didn't lean on my husband and I'm ashamed to say that today but I didn't you know um I Went through a really hard time that we didn't grieve together. I grieved alone. He grieved. I made him grieve alone because I wouldn't allow him to grieve with me.
SPEAKER_02But you guys had only been married for how long at this time? Less than a year. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I mean I think I think we could probably understand that.
SPEAKER_04Our marriage is definitely the Lord because we've had so many things that um but through that loss and leaning on the Lord and trusting the Lord and on the you know, we had had a life group in our house just two weeks before, and one of the guys in the life group um said, Why does a good God take innocent babies? I didn't know in that time that the Lord was giving me what his word said.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_04And it's in Isaiah somewhere, and I don't know exactly, you know, but it says that the Lord will spare the righteous from the things to yet to come in this world. And the Lord had given me that two weeks before this happened.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_04For me to have during that time, and I held to that. And after Calin passed away, I stayed with Reagan for until she allowed me to go home. Yeah. And during that time was um the goatel crusade was in Brandon. And I had we had planned to go that whole week, and of course I didn't go. And the day Reagan finally says, Mama, I think I'll be okay. You can go home today. Um Glenn had decided he wasn't going to the go tail. He um and I said, Well, I'm going. I'm gonna go anyway. And that was the first time I had heard the Brandon Lake song, Gratitude. And and the point where the guy was explaining King David crying out for the Lord and for his own soul. Come on, don't give up on me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know, in that moment, hearing that song, it was a turning point for me. So now anytime I hear the song, I'm emotional.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_04But screaming and crying to my own self, come on, don't give up. You got this. One more day.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Gosh, that's huge. That that right there, um, you know, you mentioned you mentioned King David. It also reminds me, we we uh in the intro, we talk about the prodigal. Yeah. Um something that that I've always held on to in that story is that through all of the son's um failings, yeah, through all of his shortcomings, through all of his his bad decisions, you know, at the end of the story when his when his father runs out to meet him. Yes. Um, you know, uh I always look at that as, well, wow, God's God's really good. He he accepted his son back. And of course that is part of the story. Um, but the the fact of the matter is, is that the reason that that God that that the father accepted his son back is because he never ceased being his father.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's a point that we all need to take into consideration that no matter how far we run, and no matter um the the bad decisions that we make, God still loves us as though we're his little child.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02And he's still there waiting for you to come back home.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. He never ran away from me. I ran away from him. But when I did decide that I was ready to come back, yeah, that I needed him, yeah, he was there, you know, as the story says with the fatted calf and the robe and you know, as if I had done nothing wrong.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and you and it gives you the a per a perspective like that gives you the ability to look back on your life and see God in the details that you did not recognize him in at the time. You know, you can look back and go, Okay, I see you kept me alive right here, buddy.
SPEAKER_04Prison was definitely a God thing in my life, and a lot of people look at that and say it wasn't.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know, I mean, but the Lord knew.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, why wouldn't it have been?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, God's sovereign. He He knows what He's doing.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02He's playing chess, we playing checkers. Right. Sometimes we play in like hopscotch, I think. I feel like you know. Um what a beautiful thing. I know that in the midst of trap, you know, people people ask that question often. Um and I've and I've actually used you and Glenn as an example uh when I'm trying to explain this. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? And and why why would God take a baby?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Or take a baby. That's that's what the world would would have us believe, that God's the one doing this.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02No, it's the it's the sin, it's the fall. It's uh death is a result of the fall. But why would God allow that to happen? Well, ultimately it's for his glory. And what what the Lord has done in you and your husband and your family and your girls um since that tragedy took place is nothing short of miraculous. I know you got I know there's stuff that happens.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like there's stuff that happens, there's other issues that come up all along the way, but ultimately you guys know at this point, God's got it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like we can trust him.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02We can trust him on the other end of this thing.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. If we made it through that, we can make it through anything. He's sovereign. He's there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Amen.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Amanda, thank you so much for telling your story and being willing to come on the show and and talk about it. Uh, I know you probably told this story about a hundred thousand times, but I think that God gives us those unique stories, uh, at least those unique, unique perspectives, um, to be able to share the gospel with other people. Who, you know, a lot of people are probably probably are and have been where you have been. And to see, you know, kind of your your perspective of hope on the other side of it is pretty awesome. Thank you. So thanks for being on. Um, I want to tell you guys, say to you guys, that uh if you guys are str if any anybody out there is struggling right now with any of the things that we've talked about today, just know that there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. His name is Jesus. Um, and if you don't have a relationship with him, you can today. It's as simple as confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that he is the he is Lord, that he's the Son of God. Um, he'll give that to you. He'll take those burdens upon his upon himself. He already has, you just don't know it yet. Um, but I also want to thank you guys for supporting the show and for hanging out with us today and um listening to Amanda's story. Uh, also want to thank my brother in Christ and my brother from another mother in there in the uh control room, Nick. Love you, brother.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I thought we were talking about Glenn.
SPEAKER_02No, I'm talking about you. You're welcome, brother. Love you. Uh, and we'll see you guys on the next one. Take care of one another. God bless you. See ya.