You’re Closer Than You Think

You know that moment on a family road trip when everyone is snapping, the fast food is disgusting, the kids are melting down, and you’re thinking, why did we ever do this? Then someone says, “We’re 15 minutes away,” and suddenly the same road feels different. That’s the picture I’m holding up for you if you’re married to a spouse battling addiction and you’re running on fumes. The chaos might not mean you’re failing. It might mean you’re closer to a shift than you can see right now. 

We talk honestly about what survival mode looks like for partners of addicts: the 2 a.m. Google searches about codependency, the perfectly rehearsed conversations that blow up anyway, the way you hold it together in public while privately crying in a parking lot. I share a personal story from a dark season and the quiet turning point that began to loosen addiction’s grip on my life, not because I finally controlled my spouse, but because I started getting clarity and support. 

Then we break down three signs you’re closer than you think: your questions start changing from fixing them to facing who you’re becoming, you begin setting boundaries and limits you never thought you could set, and you’re still here, choosing hope on purpose. We anchor it all in Philippians 1:6 and the steady promise that God finishes what He starts, while also naming the real choice in front of us: staying stuck in the mess or stepping into healing, Christian counseling, and practical next steps. 

If you need support for marriage pain, spouse addiction, boundaries, and rebuilding your identity in Christ, come listen and take one small step forward. Subscribe, share this with someone who’s white-knuckling it in silence, and leave a review so more partners can find help.

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Transcript

The Road Trip Picture Of Hope

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to paint a picture for you. Ever been in a car on a long trip, vacation, a bunch of kids, and you're driving down the road wondering why in the heck you ever did it. Because the kids are fighting, they're bickering, you're sick of fast food, it's taking forever, there's traffic, it's frustrating, and everybody's at wit's end. It's just complete chaos. And then somebody says, We're about 15 minutes away. All of a sudden, the fighting stops. Spirits lift up, people start looking out the window, and excitement starts to come. The same road trip that felt endless just a few moments ago now has life. I want to say that's where you are right now. That's where you are right now. You just don't know it yet. Welcome to Reclaiming Your Identity, a podcast dedicated to providing hope, healing, and support for married individuals whose spouses are battling addiction. Rooted in the truth of your identity in Christ, this podcast offers practical guidance and biblical insight to help you navigate the challenges of addiction within your marriage. Here we'll find encouragement and embrace God's plan for restoration in your life. Let's walk this journey together, one step at a time.

Who This Show Is For

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Maybe you have kids, maybe you're a churchgoer, a follower of Christ. This podcast is for you. We talk about the real truths, we talk about healing and a way out of the chaos that you're living. So I'm so glad that you are here today. Hey, before we get started, would you like and maybe subscribe to this podcast on YouTube if you're watching it? If you're listening via the podcast outlets, would you please follow, maybe comment, like as well? That would really do me a great, great favor. And I just am excited that today we are going to be talking about you're closer than you think. You're closer than you think. You're probably walking through this hell, like the car trip that we talked about at the beginning. You're walking through this hell, and you just don't think there's a way out. But you know what? You're actually closer than you think if you do the right things. So we're gonna talk about that in this episode. We just finished up uh the Ten Truths Unspoken, and it was pretty heavy, it was pretty hard, but it was needed, and I had to say it. And we're just gonna go lightly on this episode. This is an episode that is very impactful, but still it's not gonna be a punch in the face like all the other ones are. So we're gonna have a little fun today, but it is gonna be truth. So join me as we talk about your closer than you think.

Survival Mode Habits We Hide

SPEAKER_00 3:11

So as we start out, I want to talk about the relatable survival mode moments that maybe you've had where you are right now previously, or maybe you're gonna step into these in the future, unless you get healing now. But these are some survival mode moments that we've all had together, and they're serious, but I just want to kind of have fun with them today. And the first one is you've Googled at 2 a.m. Everybody's been up, can't sleep, worried, wondering what's going on with this addict. How are we gonna fix it? So you're googling things like, how do I know I'm codependent? How do I get out of this relationship? How do I fix my spouse? Is my spouse ever gonna change? Does addiction ever stop? You probably have been Googling that stuff at two in the morning, sitting in bed, sitting on the couch, sitting at the table. We've all been there. We've done it, we've googled so many different things. And now with AI, you're probably asking AI, how do I do this and how do I fix that? How do I get out? And that's just what we do when we're entangled with an addict. How about when you've had perfectly rehearsed conversations in your head? You had every pinpoint of what you were gonna say that made an effect that was gonna change the addict. You had it rehearsed, you had a speech writer, you had everything there on what to say to them, and then the real conversation happened, and it didn't go anything like you rehearsed. Yes, we've all been there. How many times are you in the shower rehearsing what you were gonna say? We've probably been there too. I've done that quite a few times. I've been in the shower, and it sounded amazing in there, it sounded wonderful in there. I thought, man, this is gonna be the one where they're gonna find recovery. And then the real, real one has happened and it turned into complete chaos and hell. And you're back at square one. We've all been there, we've done that, and if not, you're gonna do it at some point, unless you start to get the healing and clarity you need today. I know that I've done this, you can tell by my great physique, but how about eating something over the sink because it was just too exhausting to sit down at the table and eat? You just ate over the sink, crumbs going everywhere because you're just finished, you're just tired, you're just worn out, you're at the end of your rope. We've we've done that quite a few times. Not to mention just eating over the sink. How about eating crap that you're not even supposed to eat or want to eat? You're just filling that void with food because it's comforting. I think we've all been at that place too. Here's one that's gonna hit home. How many times have you cried in your car in a parking lot? You've cried so much in your car in a parking lot that your car has almost become sacred. How real is that? I know that somebody else has been doing that too. Because I lived that way for a long time. It was a safe place, kids weren't around, nobody can come in. It was just a sacred place where I could just let go. How about this one? You've shown up the church smiling, like everything's going great, and the Saturday night before was the worst night of the week when all hell just broke loose and the fights came out. Have you been there? Have you done that one? Because I know I've done that one. I preached in a pulpit the next day when I fought with my wife till two in the morning, the night before. How horrible is that? Why would anybody want to live in that chaos? Why would anybody want to live in that hell? But have you done it? Because I certainly have. And those are real things we do, and you know, we can look back at it and kind of laugh and chuckle a little bit just as a release of tension and say, yeah, I've done that. Folks, that's surviving. That's total surviving mode. And those little things, we don't recognize those little things until somebody brings them up, like no. But I want to share something with you. There comes a shift at some point in this hell, and hopefully you catch it sooner than I did.

The Quiet Shift Toward Healing

SPEAKER_00 7:48

But at some point in this hell you realize that there was a shift. There comes a point that while you're on this journey, that you get to the point of exhaustion, you get to the point of not caring. You get to the point of I just don't want to be around anymore. And I'm gonna tell you a serious story, even though this is a lighter episode, but I want to tell you this because it it it it will help. And I'm sure somebody feels this way. I remember one of the last Christmases we had together as a family going through this hell, I was so fake, and I was putting on a mask, and I was just jolly as could be, and making sure, even though my kids knew what was going on and they knew something was up, but even though they knew I still made Christmas enjoyable for them, like it was the best thing ever, like everything was gonna be okay. I remember sitting there watching them open up gifts, thinking to myself, I want to jump off the tallest building I can find right now. That's how low I got. And that's how far this stuff will take you if you allow it. But there's that shift I want to talk to you about. There's that shift that comes when you start to get healing. When maybe just a little bit of friend pushed me into counseling, something happens, maybe one of the guides, maybe one of these podcasts, maybe jumping into my community, something along the way you get just a little taste of, and then there's a shift. The shift isn't loud, it doesn't announce itself, and sometimes you almost miss it, but it's there, and that's how healing starts and usually works. It's quiet, it's very low-key, and you don't notice it until you look backwards. Something shifted during that Christmas period to where I ended up two months later moving out of the house, gaining clarity for myself, trying to fix the relationship with my kids and make sure they're surviving and battling all that. And that's a different story how all that went, but it started the addiction started not to control me anymore. Sometimes you get so beat on that there's just that little shift, that little change, because I went to a counselor who told me I had codependency. Went to a counselor, he said I was codependent, I was creating just as much of a problem as my ex-wife was, and then I was destroying my family. Now, I didn't leave there going, wow, okay, I was pretty mad at him, and I thought he was wrong until I started to research codependency, and then I figured it out and connected all the dots, and I was like, wow, and I don't know if that was the moment that things just started to shift. But after a few sessions with him, I just came home and I knew that I had to get out. I knew that I had to stop it because it wasn't stopping. And I think at that point I knew that I wasn't going to be able to control it anymore. I wasn't controlling it the entire time, but I think I knew that it was a lost call. So I want to talk to you about three signs you're closer than you think.

Three Signs You’re Closer

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Three signs that you're almost 15 minutes away from the vacation spot. You're almost there when clarity comes and people stop arguing and the chaos stops, and there's excitement and there's a movement. And the first sign, the very first sign, you know that you're almost there is you start asking different questions. Early on, and all the way through the chaos and the hell, the question was how can I fix this? How can I fix them? How can I give them stop? How can I stop giving them money? How can I do this? How can I do that? Those were the questions. Always. Who's going to be one up today and how can I be the one that's up and wins? Then the question starts going to who am I becoming? What the hell am I doing? There's the slow shift, there's the change because you start thinking about you, and that's important. When you start thinking about you and what you need, that's where things shift and start becoming on your side, I like to say. Sign number two, you start setting limits that you never used to set. You start setting boundaries or limits to the chaos that you've never set before. Even the smallest change, the smallest one, the one that felt terrible to you, you felt like a complete loser. And you did something you would have never done a year ago. You are doing something that is different, and that means something in you is moved. And that was when I decided to move out. I felt horrible because my kids and I felt like a failure. And oh, here we go. Somebody else is getting a divorce or a separation, and it was just so much shame. But even though it felt terrible, it was gratifying at the same time because I unplugged from the source. I unplugged from the addict. I was able to pull the cord and move out. And even though it felt terrible, and there were many nights I cried because of my kids, the way I felt, it also felt liberating because I detached from the chaos. I didn't have it in my face 24-7. The tension wasn't there. Sign number three, you're still here. Not in a defeated sense, but in a chosen sense. You haven't given up on yourself. You're still here. You're listening to a podcast about healing, about finding your way through entanglement with an addict. You're searching for something better. You're searching for hope. And please, that's not nothing. That's something to be very proud of. That is complete evidence that there's something more for you, and that you believe you can get through this for you. And that's

Philippians 1:6 And Confidence

SPEAKER_00 14:58

a huge step. Can I take you to the anchor verse for this whole show? The whole topic, everything we're talking about. Can I take you to the Bible? I'm going to be in Philippians chapter 1, verse 6. It's a great verse. Well, they all are, but this is a really good verse, and I want to encourage you with this. And we're going to talk about it a little bit. It says, I pray with great faith for you, because I am fully convinced that the one who began this gracious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you until unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ. It says that you could be confident that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. Listen, God doesn't start things without finishing them. God doesn't start things and then abandon them and walk away. He started something you the moment you decided that you wanted more. You deserved more. He has been working the entire time in the 2 a.m. Google searches. He's been working the entire time as you're in the shower. He's been working the entire time you're crying in the parking lot. He's working in the mess. You feel like nothing is moving, but Paul wrote this to people that were in a season. He told them to be confident. He didn't say be hopeful. He said be confident. Now, I do have to say, while you're going through this suffering, this trial, whatever you want to call it, part of it is based on you. You can make the choice to stay in the mess and not get healing. Or you can choose to heal for yourself and find clarity, and that's where God's going to meet you. You can refuse that totally and continue to walk through the pits of hell. I did it for 13 years. Mad at God, angry at God, yelling at God, why didn't God do this? Why didn't God fix her? Why didn't I on and on and on, and I walked away completely from the church, from God, and I just hated everything about religion. But once I started healing, and I had a good Christian counselor that started to point me back to who I was in my identity, that's when God started to work. When I allowed him in is when he started to work. See, a lot of people think that we just sit there and God's going to magically come in and start sewing up stuff and fixing and putting the arm back here and doing all this, and that's not how God works. You would be a puppet. God loves you so much that he respects you if you say no. So you have to get to the point of your healing to say yes. And he'll bring you out of it. And you have to realize he's gonna finish a good thing in you that he started. You can have confidence in that. That's what Paul says.

You Choose Healing And Detachment

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Let's go back to the road trip for a little bit. You've been driving for a long time. Maybe there's bad weather, kids are fighting. The ungodly smells coming from the backseat. Everybody's on edge, everybody's hot, everybody's tired, everybody's hungry, everybody has to go to the bathroom, you gotta stop here, stop there. Just remember that road trip. It's just chaos and hell. You've been driving for a very long time. The road has felt long. But I'm here to tell you something. You have to hear this today. You're only 15 minutes away. I can't tell you what's on the other side for you. I can't tell you that everything's gonna be perfect and everybody's gonna get healed, and the family's gonna go on and the relationship's gonna be great. I can't tell you that you walk away full of clarity and start a new life. I don't know what's on the other side. But I stand beside people in all situations. But I'm here to tell you this: you're 15 minutes away, and while we don't know what's on the other side, we know who is. And that's God. And he's there for you, and he's just waiting for you to receive his love and healing and hope and clarity and the start of a beautiful transformation. He's waiting for you, and he wants to do it in you. But again, you have to make the choice. You're 15 minutes away. You can do it. I know you can.

Join The Walk Right Community

SPEAKER_00 20:03

This would be a great time to invite you into Walk Right Community. It's a community that I built for people like us that walked through the pits of hell or are walking through the pits of hell partnered with an addict in a church setting, trying to figure out where God is in all this, have children, and everything is a complete mess. This community is for you. This community, hopefully, we just launched. This community will attract people that want to gain clarity, healing, and transformation and have hope for a different outcome of their future. I want people to come in here and learn. It's everything I walked through, it's everything that I learned through my counselor, it's everything that I walk through to get out of the hell. I am completely transformed. God has done amazing work on me and he wants to do it to you and this community, he's allowed me to create this community so we can prepare the hearts of people that he wants to bring in. Everything about the community can be found at partnersofaddicts.com or everything, links are in the show notes. It's a great, great opportunity for you to find healing. There's a free area so you could check it out. And if you want to find out more about maybe if you have codependency, we kind of threw that word around a little bit. There's a guide you can download that has a self evaluation to find out a little more about codependency. And then there's always the 10 truths unspoken, the 10 things that I wish somebody would have told me when battled battling with an addict. Those are all available for you free, and everything's in the show notes. And I hope you grab a copy of something and start on your road. To vacation because you're only 15 minutes away.

Final Encouragement And Blessing

SPEAKER_00 22:04

I want to thank you for sitting through this episode. I hope it's a little more lighter than some of the other ones, but it is truthful and is something that needs to be spoken. I want to thank you so much for staying all the way to the end. And remember, as always, you are loved. You're holy. And I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.