Turns Out You Have To Talk To People

Somewhere along the way, we stopped being regulars anywhere.

Now making friends requires leaving your house, talking to strangers, attending things repeatedly, and allowing other people to develop opinions about you.

Frankly, that feels like an unreasonable amount of work.

We talk about friendship, community, third spaces, why nobody knows how to make friends after 30, and the horrifying realization that if you want people to notice when you're gone, they first have to notice when you're there.

Also: haunted hotels, sister fights, Animal Crossing, Supernatural, and a brief reminder that we'd rather fight demons than make small talk.

As nature intended.

Transcript

Massage Pain And Boundaries

Kristin 0:00

I got a massage. I can't my back hurts so bad. Because they loosened it or because massages are, as I have always stated, not relaxing. It was relaxing.

Kelly 0:16

But if you're now your touch it, it hurts to tighten. See? I tried backpacks on yesterday, hiking backpacks, and I couldn't even let them touch my back.

Kristin 0:25

See, I told you that getting a massage can tighten but like it can loosen things and then you and then it your your muscles recoil and they tighten up.

Kelly 0:37

It's not my muscles that hurt. It's the actual like from where she like dug her elbow into my back.

Kristin 0:43

That sounds horrible. Why would you let anybody do that to you? That's like a torture device.

Kelly 0:47

It loosens you up.

Kristin 0:48

No, it does not. Yes, it does. It gives you bruises. I don't have to be. There's other things. What do you think hurts right now? Bruises.

Kelly 0:57

Yeah, bruises. I'm not bruised. Are you?

Kristin 1:01

No.

Kelly 1:01

No, you can see it. I'm not bruised. See? I'm not bruised. See?

Kristin 1:07

Yeah, but subcutaneous bruises. It's not a subcutaneous bruise. It could be. No, it's it's it just hurts. Why I'm yeah, but why would I want to do anything that hurts?

Kelly 1:18

Because it loosens you up.

Kristin 1:20

No, but I'm saying if if someone's digging their elbows into me to the point where it hurts, then we're fighting. Me and that person. Okay,

Making Friends After 25

Kristin 1:50

I'm not gonna lie. I forgot what I said I wanted to talk about. Friendship. Friendship. That's right.

Kelly 1:58

That means you haven't thought about it at all.

Kristin 2:01

No not in the last couple days. So yeah, friendship. Specifically making friends at an age that is over 25. I was gonna say five, but we can go with two. It's hard. But I think though, in your 20s, your ability to like sniff out bullshit from people is heightened after like 35. Like I think you've met enough people in your travels in life to be like those type of people and those type of people. Like people have different personality traits that you can pick up on faster. Where I feel like in your 20s, you're like, this person said something off color, but I'll give them another shot because I have time.

Kelly 2:49

I don't know if I was giving shots in my 20s more or if you're just in it to have fun. So it doesn't matter as much.

Kristin 2:56

Right. Right. But I would argue that that's all that's giving them. They're like, ah, well, they want to hang out and I don't want to sit at home. So I'll like even though this person isn't I don't think they're my type of people, but my cup of tea. Yes. Like they're not my cup of tea, but they want to go dancing, so I'll go out with them. So you give people more of a chance. I feel like at our age, you're kind of like, I I I don't have time to give people chances. Plus, your alarm bells go off very fast when you meet people. And I'm not arguing that's a good thing. I'm actually arguing the opposite. Not arguing, but you know what I'm saying. I'm I'm actually like I'm I'm learning.

Kelly 3:35

You're really into arguing and fighting today. You're fighting with the masseuse, you're now fighting with me for some reason.

Kristin 3:41

I'm not fighting. I'm oh I'm having I'm having opinions. But you had an opinion. But what no, what I'm saying though is that like although I am on the other side of the fence. I I I'm just saying that like the more you go through life, the more uncomfortable it gets to sit with people you don't know, so arguably strangers, and not have snap judgments. It's kind of like you're not my person, blinders, right? Like I don't blind her, like I've I already know, I already know you're not my type of people, so forget it.

Kelly 4:14

No, I think I'm pretty good at reading people.

Kristin 4:17

Milk toast.

Kelly 4:18

Yeah. My snap judgment of her was I don't like this person, and then I gave her a chance, and then I didn't like that person. She was an energy vampire. So I would say I should have stayed with my snap judgment. I read her correctly at first. I should have just moved into that house and lived there.

Kristin 4:39

Yeah, okay. But besides you, like like besides you, you mean lesser beings, other, yeah, yeah. Talk about other people who can't be surgeons and uh, you know, whatever else. But I'm just saying that like it becomes a lot harder to get into new groups of people because like you have to be willing to be uncomfortable, and like my willingness to be uncomfortable at my age is just down further, you know? Like, I don't I'm not willing to be uncomfortable anymore.

Kelly 5:14

Oh, I agree with that. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable in order to find people that you're going to like.

Kristin 5:20

Yes, I'm not saying hang out with people you don't like, I'm I'm just saying that like in order to get to like people, you have to get to know them. And they have to get to know you, and that puts you in an uncomfortable situation where I'm just not interested in being uncomfortable anymore. But that's that hinders you, yeah. Like it's a bad thing.

Kelly 5:37

Yeah, and I would I would say that the yoga studio has sort of broken me, but you need to find something like that.

Kristin 5:42

I guess you do.

Kelly 5:43

You need to find like that little community that's the space where you you are comfortable just even being there, and then people surround it. There's not everyone at the yoga studio. I wouldn't no, no, no. I know who I'd be friends with and who I wouldn't.

Kristin 5:58

Well, and I'm I'm just just like there's people there that would not be friends with me. Right. Like I'm sure they look at me and I'm like, everyone's cup of tea for the case. Yeah, like not that girl. Yeah, like but I guess getting into a place like that that is like a like an upcoming community of people that are close to my age, it's just been a really weird, like wonderful, but weird experience. Because I guess you just don't get out of yourself enough all the time to recognize the patterns of behavior that you have, like becoming a person there that people are like, Oh, hey, you, I know your name, and you know, good to see you today, and blah, blah, blah. You're like, oh, I I don't do this enough.

Kelly 6:39

Yeah, where have you been? You haven't been here.

Kristin 6:41

Oh, you've noticed my absence. Well, even like when I left the other day, when you and Dave were talking, and I was like, Okay, I'm sweaty and I just gotta go. And I just kind of like peaced out of the door, and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to interrupt anybody, but like the owner of the studio came out and was like, Oh, hey, goodbye. And I was like, Oh, someone noticed that I left. Like, I wasn't expecting that.

Kelly 7:03

Someone noticed my existence.

Kristin 7:05

But you well, but you're just so used to being anonymous, you're so used to coming out. Right. Like, it's just different feeling to not be anonymous somewhere, and it's a good feeling. And I'm I'm just recognizing that. Like, we should have more places in life where you're not anonymous.

Third Spaces And Yoga Community

Kristin 7:22

Third spaces. The third space is missing. It is, yeah. That's what I'm saying, is like there's just there is a there is I don't hold on.

Kelly 7:30

The third spaces missing. I've noticed because I edit these, right? I I edit these, so I'm I listen to myself in headphones a lot. I have like a lisp of some kind, like the third space is missing. Like I I I have a weird register to my voice that I'm trying to correct.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Is this like when you were relaxing your jaw? Yes, it's very similar to that. When you oh boy.

Kelly 7:56

When you listen to yourself a lot, you're like, why do I sound like a child when I say that word?

Kristin 8:01

Um, but I mean I think that's just verbal ticks. Yeah, I'm trying not to be ticky. But like, that's what makes it like personality.

Kelly 8:08

That's what makes it you is to have your butt yeah, but I want like minimum I want brutalism.

Kristin 8:13

So you want your personality to be a cement block.

Kelly 8:16

That's what's but a really nicely poured cement block. So a marble statue. No, because it's too polished, it's too much, it's too much. So I did it there too. I'll I will when I listen to this back, when I say it's too much, like I don't know what that is. Yeah, but it've gotta stop talking about this. We're moving on. So the the third space is missing.

Kristin 8:38

Yeah, what which is I just I don't know. I just think it's an interesting thing that has acutely been at my attention level right now because of the yoga studio. Yeah, it's our third space. Yeah, and I just I just want more spaces like that in life.

Kelly 8:52

Yeah, like coffee shops. There are coffee shops, but not in the same way that they were when people went to work at them, you know, and yeah, and hang out there. Like when I used to work from home before working from home was a thing, before you had like the ability to get on meetings, I would go work at that tea shop in Ballard and sit there with all of the other people at their computers, and Terry would come and join me, and like it was a nice place to be. And bookstores. We used to hang up in the bookstores all the time. I would open a bookstore. Yeah, bookstores are opening back up. Go to the you can go to the bookstore, you don't have to miss it, it's there. No, but it's just all Barnes and Hoball. Oh, you miss independent bookstores. Yeah. When the hell did we ever go to an independent bookstore?

Kristin 9:35

I went to independent bookstores all the time.

Kelly 9:37

What name one?

Kristin 9:38

Um, there I'm trying to remember the name of well, I mean, we'll there's no point in sitting here and thinking about it. But no, there was independent bookstores in there, and I would go there. So I mean I'll give it to you. Waste time thinking about what was it? There was half-price books. Oh, I liked half-price books. Uh we we went there all the time. It's been a a blind spot of mine that now the blinders are off and I see it. Like there needs to be more community focused things, and it's nice to have smaller places that aren't big conglomerate spaces that can create community. I think that that's an important shift that could happen in life if it isn't already.

Kelly 10:22

But maybe it is bowling alleys.

Kristin 10:24

Ooh, bowling alleys used to be so fun.

Kelly 10:26

Yeah, they used to be a lot of fun. You'd go there. Skating rinks, although that weird those single.

Kristin 10:33

Yeah, I was just gonna say those are for younger too.

Kelly 10:36

That's not adult adults. Forget I said that back up.

Kristin 10:42

But just anything that can create a community. I think like that's also the other space there too, though, is that like people being willing to um create community within those spaces.

Kelly 10:52

Yeah, not just be anonymous, yes, and not just be, oh, you're here for X class or X thing.

Kristin 10:59

Where I feel like we've uh I mean optimize is such an overused word, but I'm I'm not using it in the internet sense, I'm using it in an actual sense of the word. Like I feel like we've optimized those spaces to where it's like, oh, you're gonna go in and you're gonna cycle for 30 minutes, we're gonna put your name on the board and you're all gonna fight for spots and then you're gonna go home. Like they're very weird spaces, like the the Pilates and the like the soul cycles of the uh like the aggressive, the corporate, like the the corporatized classes. It's aggressive. Remember that cycle place you used to go to? Yeah, flywheel. Flywheel. What a fi what awful. It was awful. It was awful, and I went, and they had your name up on it, yeah.

Kelly 11:46

And I was not good at it, so uh my name was never on the board. No, I'm not a cycler at like by any stretch of the imagination.

Kristin 11:54

I liked it. I liked it for a long time until I didn't like it anymore. Now I can't do it, like like mentally, I can't do it.

Kelly 12:00

I don't want to sit on that thing.

Kristin 12:02

No, but I I did like the Peloton for a long time. I liked it during the pandemic.

Kelly 12:06

Yes, that was because I had I it was like being but I also liked Animal Crossing and because that those were my friends. They're my friends during the pandemic. Animal Crossing saved my life and didn't save my life. I was fine. But Animal Crossing like gave me a community.

Kristin 12:24

Yeah, there was a few, there was a few like online communities that no, I mean my no the cartoon animals. Oh, were your friends? Wow.

Kelly 12:38

I think I I think a lot of people were relate to that.

Kristin 12:41

Probably so. I mean, I still play Disney Dreamlight Valley to this day. I mean if you would have had that during the pandemic. I know, I would have been it would have been that would have been it. Yeah, that was animal procracy.

Kelly 12:53

No, but I like my friends would come over, my real real life friends would come over and run around my island and we would sit on the phone together and talk.

Kristin 12:59

Yeah, see.

Kelly 13:00

But that wasn't a lot of them, and the majority of the time was spent with my animal friends.

Kristin 13:05

But no, I I am acutely aware now of building spaces. Like there is an argument that like maybe I don't have enough hobbies. How many hobbies can one have? I don't know what is a hobby. I hate hobbies.

Kelly 13:20

What are you gonna do? Like paint? I'm an I'm an artist. I don't paint.

Kristin 13:26

No, but what but what I'm saying though is like hobbies in general, like is such a weird, weird concept, but it probably does build communities, like people who have RC cars, or I don't know. I'm just like I'm I'm I'm reaching.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

I don't know anybody who has RC cars.

Kelly 13:50

Sorry, I don't mean to laugh at any RC hobbyists out there.

Kristin 13:53

No, no, but I mean like I'm I'm laughing more at my myself of like I don't I don't even know what hobbies are, like I don't know what what are they because I feel like yoga is now my hobby, and maybe that's a life decision in a in a in a thing that's not a hobby, but like where else do you build a lot of things?

Kelly 14:09

I liken the the yoga studio is is a type of community that I also feel like you get at a smaller church. Yeah, like a smaller, more intimate church. There are yoga studios, there are yoga studios that give you community, and I think this is what Flywheel was like, like a like a giant conglomerate church, and then there are yoga studios that you get no community from. But I feel like this particular one has built a community more like that than like a hobby, like a hobby community, like RC cars.

Kristin 14:42

Oh, I think people can become friends of being RC cars.

Kelly 14:46

I'm not saying they can't.

Kristin 14:47

I'm not sure they do regular big, big no, like drivable car clubs. Okay, so I I do think we derailed into community. That's what friendship is talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is, but I was just more talking about like being able to unanonymize yourself in a community setting. That's also hard to be out there.

Kelly 15:12

Oh, to like not like not be in the shadows, yeah, to not sneak in the shadows, to not be the invisible person, to like step into the light.

Kristin 15:21

Right, it it's uncomfortable, but it and it's hard, I think, is a real thing that I'm noticing that like it's okay to not be invisible, like sneak in and sneak out. Yes, because I'm a I'm a very in the shadows type person. Yeah, I will live in the shadows everywhere. No, like I try to like ninja smoke bomb into places and out of places, like, oh, she just appeared, and oh whoa, she's gone.

Kelly 15:49

Was she even here?

Kristin 15:50

Was she even here? Yeah, I was gonna say, I was gonna say, but I mean, like, I guess that if they notice you at all, that kind of blows the ninja aspect out of the water. But you know what I mean. So it's been a very nice eye-opening thing that I want to continue in my life, and I think it started with the dog class.

Dogs As Social Training Wheels

Kelly 16:09

Yeah, because we became regulars, regulars there. Yes, yeah.

Kristin 16:14

Hamilton is a rock star, everybody knows him. Oh, I thought you meant he all gets really good at what he's doing. His essence transcends. Everybody knows him.

Kelly 16:26

Dogs do make making friends easier.

Kristin 16:29

They do, don't they?

Kelly 16:31

Because they they are out there. Dogs are like, I'm here, you can see me, you can't touch me sometimes, but like they they're they're they live out, they live out in the world. They they like live loud. They're curious.

Kristin 16:43

Yeah, they're curious. They don't they they're they're not ninjas. No, they're pirates.

Kelly 16:48

They're pirates, for sure.

Kristin 16:49

You know they're coming.

Kelly 16:50

They want you to know they're coming.

Kristin 16:51

It's part of the mental game.

Kelly 16:53

Yeah.

Kristin 16:53

It did start there. Like the idea of community was seated there at dogs.

Kelly 17:00

Probably because there were a couple people there too that are worth hanging out with.

Kristin 17:05

Oh, yeah. I would argue there's probably even more people worth hanging out with than we actually hang out with. It got me used to not being invisible. Going to dog class got me used to not just showing up and leaving.

Kelly 17:18

Do you think it's because you had the dog as a buffer? Because everyone recognized Hamilton and then you got to be step into the light. Yes, I got to be Hamilton's mom. Yes. Yes, I was Hamilton's mom. And then you were Chrissy.

Kristin 17:31

Yes, a hundred percent. Every class you go to, like I I know them, and we'll talk on a personal level, and we'll like like you you open up more. The the more time you allow someone access to you, the more you open up to them. I mean, it's just natural. Yeah. I think. I don't know. I I just I wanted to just riff on friendship for a little bit about uh especially friendship at at ages older than 25. It's just different.

Kelly 18:02

Because you you're giving more of your energy.

Kristin 18:05

When I think people you have more to prove and so do they. Like if they're worth if they're people that are worth anything, they're they're also gonna make you work to be friends with them. It it's not just a oh, we're around each other so much, like at a work situation or at a school situation that we'll just be friends now.

Kelly 18:24

I told um Pain Daddy, it was probably a couple months ago now, like I think right when I started yoga, that I feel like it would be easier to ask someone out than to ask someone to be friends. Because like asking someone out, attraction is a very I get it. You're not attracted to me. There's a lot of things that go into attraction, that's a very binary thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Yeah.

Kelly 18:52

Being you don't want to be my friend means well, what kind of fucking monster am I that you don't even want to go have coffee with me as friends? What kind of life choices have I made that leads me here? That says you don't want to even be my friend. Or like that's a hard like I don't I don't know how to ask someone, do you want to be friends? Did you want to be my friend? I don't know how to do that.

Kristin 19:18

I guess like I on on the level of dating, I could give a crap less about being rejected at this point in life. Like whatever, like move on. Well, it's not you, it's not me, it's just low stakes. Yeah, it's low stakes, and it's there's more people to date, and like you only have to go on one, and then I never have to see you again. Like, so it's low stakes as a yes, it's low stakes as a no. Being friends is like, I I want I want to see you more than one. Like, I want to have friends more than one time.

Kelly 19:48

Yeah, and it means if I'm rejected, you're rejecting me as a person. Yeah, not just me as like a because you can still say, No, I don't want to date you, but we can be friends. Like, there's you can still I can still be a a viable person and you not want to date me, versus you don't want to be my friend as like my core being is being robbed you the wrong way.

Kristin 20:13

No, no, no, no. That's a lot harder. It's true, it's true. And like I I think because it's okay not to be uh like sexually compatible with everybody or attraction-wise, like like you don't have to find me attractive. That's okay.

Kelly 20:27

That doesn't mean I'm not attractive, it just means it's just means that you and I aren't compatible compatible in that way, but we could still be friends, yes.

Kristin 20:35

But I guess when you find someone that you do like as a person and you're asking them to be your friend, and they don't want to be your friend?

SPEAKER_00 20:43

I don't know, maybe not. I'm busy today.

Kristin 20:48

I'm too washed my hands.

Kelly 20:50

And forever. I'm busy today and and evermore.

Kristin 20:53

Yeah, no, I that that's a way harder rejection to face, I feel like. Did Pain Daddy understand that? No, no, the quote he he needs more friends, though, too, though. I would I would argue that he also needs more friends, yes. No, I don't either, but I'm just thinking I want him to have a big a bigger social life. But it is a much scarier cliff to walk towards. Yeah. It's uncomfortable, and that's what I meant about sitting in the uncomfortableness enough to actually get a friend. Instead of like, oh, I see you for 40 minutes at dog class and you think I'm cool there, and I'm just gonna leave it at that because more than 40 minutes might turn you off.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Right. Reveal something about myself that I don't want to know, I don't want you to know. I don't want you to know that.

Kristin 21:39

Um becoming part of a community has opened up a part of myself that I feel has been dormant for a while. Because it's very easy to just like I work at home, I go to the like I get my groceries where I get my groceries, I do my thing. Like I there's not in We don't we do not live in a community that's like walkable, like there's not a lot of walking stuff or local things that people oh, yeah, like a city. Yes, I lived in a city, I didn't meet people out, not worthy people. I met people that I probably would have liked to not meet just because you live in the same area does not mean that you want to be able to do that. Right, and that's the same with work,

Remote Work That Feels Personal

Kristin 22:22

yeah.

Kelly 22:22

Like all my uh I've met great people at work, and I would actually say that I probably have more genuine connections at work now with remote work than I did with in-person work. Yeah. Because I think you're in their house with them.

Kristin 22:38

I feel like conversations are more natural about your life and not just about what you're seeing. You see their kids, you see their complaining about bosses and work and blah blah blah, but like you do at at work. But yeah, you you do. You you you see their kids, you say hi because it's rude not to. Like they they tell you about their lives, or oh, I I was just doing this, or I was just doing that.

Kelly 23:02

Or we genuinely talk about life where I don't think that I did that a lot before. It was still always centered around work, and I feel like that's why all those connections have fallen away very quickly when someone doesn't work there anymore. But now I feel like I would make an effort with the current people I work with.

Kristin 23:21

A hundred percent.

Kelly 23:22

Well, like you've had uh what four people come into town and you've gone to lunch with all of them. That never would have happened to you. You would have been like, Oh, I'll see uh, you know, if I walk by you on the street, I guess that's cool.

Kristin 23:34

Well, and I know more about their personal lives. Like, like uh like how was that thing that your husband was building in your backyard that you know he was banging around on the other day, and like we all heard in the meeting. Like, so no, I I I guess it is more genuine of a connection, even though it's not a face-to-face connection. There was definitely some people it like when I went to work that I connected with and hung out with outside of work, but there was more peripheral people. Now I feel like I have a stronger relationship with more people, like my whole team, instead of just the two people that I like clicked with and then hang out.

Kelly 24:14

When you clicked with them, did you talk about things other than work the majority of the time?

Kristin 24:18

No, because I'm still not I'm not friends with them now. Right, exactly. So I mean, like like I would argue like moving on from those jobs meant moving on from those friendships.

Kelly 24:26

Yeah, when you said, Oh, I'm going to lunch with this person who's coming into town, I went, Why? And then you were like, Well, because I went to lunch with three other people who came into town on different occasions. Yeah, and I wouldn't be like, did?

unknown 24:40

Yeah.

Kelly 24:41

But now thinking about it, if one of my people came into town, I would go get lunch with them. Where I don't know if I would have done that before.

Kristin 24:50

No, no, because you're taking time out of your day.

Kelly 24:52

I mean, like, when someone moved away and they came back into town, I would I was like, Yeah, I've had that happen a couple times where they're like, Oh, I'm in town, and you're like, Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Needos You should go here without me. Ooh, Tuesday? I can't make it Tuesday.

Kristin 25:14

Um, but no, it it it it has it it uh like you you are bringing up a good point. Like I I do feel a genuine connection with the people that I work with remotely more so than I probably felt with in-office people.

Kelly 25:28

There is not as much drama at work to take up time to talk about. So nice. So you can talk about actual life things with people.

Kristin 25:38

Yeah, it's so nice to not have that that that extra thing at work, like like the water cooler talk.

Kelly 25:46

Yeah.

Kristin 25:47

Where you're not banding against uh other people, you're not clicking against like like it's not like oh this is our little click, or you have like gang up against them.

Kelly 25:57

Yeah, it becomes a soap opera, yeah.

Kristin 25:59

It does, it does very easy. And I I don't have that at all at my work currently.

Kelly 26:03

No, now it's more like a sit-cam. It is more like a sitcom, like friends, like an ensemble cast.

Kristin 26:11

No, and I I do genuinely like going to work now. Like I like going for my four days to stay in the house.

Kelly 26:17

If I didn't have to get on a plane and stay in a hotel, I would enjoy going in.

Safety Anxiety And Lonely Motels

Kelly 26:21

The plane and the hotel, the hotel is actually worth it.

Kristin 26:23

Disrupting, yeah, disrupting your life is is a hard thing.

Kelly 26:26

I just don't stay in hotels very well. There's always a serial killer or a ghost that I have to worry about.

unknown 26:31

Wow.

Kristin 26:32

That was you opened a bag of stuff I wasn't expecting to be open. You don't you stay in really nice hotels. What serial killer is gonna be in that hotel?

Kelly 26:44

You don't know. You don't know. You don't know. I mean don't know. You don't there's they don't pay $900 a night for I check under the beds, I check in the closets every night. The bathtub. But you have to remind yourself it's like ghosts can live wherever.

Kristin 27:03

Okay, ghosts are rent-free. So yes, they could they can be wherever they want to be. And I guess if I was a ghost, I would pick a nice hotel to haunt. Why wouldn't you have a hotel?

Kelly 27:13

Yeah, it was like a historic hotel.

Kristin 27:15

It's not the same. I have a co-worker that literally we call it the murder hotel. Like he stays in the murder hotels. No, because immediately no. Immediately no.

Kelly 27:25

Yeah, I was like, I won't go if unless I can stay in the hotel.

Kristin 27:27

That's like a that is a luxury that I feel like men have above women.

Kelly 27:31

No, no, no, you know, because bed bugs, bed bugs are their gender.

Kristin 27:35

No, I was talking about murder specifically, not bugs. No, but it's just like they can go, they they not that women can't do this, you can do this, but men can like walk late at night easier than a woman can, like mentally. I I would worry about it more than probably my partner would mentally and physically easier.

Kelly 27:57

Yep.

Kristin 27:57

Yeah. I I I personally think that there is a reason to worry about those things, and you should worry about those things, but maybe there's people who don't, and good for you. I say the the particular hotel I choose to stay at. Yeah, there's never gonna be a murderer. You don't know that. You don't know that, you don't know that.

Kelly 28:13

But the one thing I like is that the bathroom door swings open and it will it jams the hotel room door.

Kristin 28:24

Doesn't it have the little locky thing on it? Dude, put the locky.

Kelly 28:28

You can watch the internet, people can get past those locks, and so can ghosts. But the ghosts actually don't probably don't care about the jam. The door. Yeah, no, the doors don't matter to the ghosts. For the human for the human serial killers, the door and at least would that will give me a chance to grab the things that I have looked at around the room to use as weapons.

Kristin 28:48

I would laugh really hard if all those things are bolted down.

Kelly 28:50

No, I check. Oh, okay. I check for that and I go through the carpet and flip over the mattresses and all the things for the bugs.

Kristin 28:57

You in hotels are that would be that would drive me nuts. I can't be that worried about a hotel.

Kelly 29:03

Bugs. You never get them out of your house, you take them home.

Kristin 29:07

At a certain point though, I'd be like, I can't, I gotta go to bed. I can't worry about this.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

I'd be like, well, sort it out.

Kelly 29:14

Well, that's why I like to stay in the same places because then I get I'm a creature of habit as well. Yeah, I get comfortable there. And then when that place isn't available, I have a hard time.

Kristin 29:24

Yeah, no, no, no. I I I I'm definitely a creature of habit. Okay, if I find a hotel that I like, I I will just continually go to that same hotel.

Kelly 29:34

The one hotel I did stay at in Chicago when I was in high school was haunted.

Kristin 29:38

Everything was haunted when you were in high school. That was your and I would argue a lot of teenage girls feel this way. That was your energy projected out into the into the You think I was making things move with my mind? I don't know. I feel like there is the elevator in the hotel.

Kelly 29:59

You think I was making that move with my mind?

Kristin 30:01

I feel like there is a space in life for the magic of being a crazy teenager. There's a lot I think there's a lot of things you can manifest as a crazy teenager.

Kelly 30:13

So, what about that hotel in Colorado?

unknown 30:16

That was haunted.

Kelly 30:17

That wasn't me.

Kristin 30:18

That was crazy. That was a crazy hotel. That was literally like the shining hotel. Yeah, but emotioned pool in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, with the drained pool and like the weird, like the dirt work they the dirt racquetball courts that were inside.

Kelly 30:34

Nobody was there. We were on the room. Nobody, nobody was there.

Kristin 30:37

There wasn't hotel rooms above us either. Like we were on there. I say top floor, but mean there's only two floors. Like you could either be on the bottom or the top. We were on the top, and there was people walking above us, which could have been serial kills. Like that, I I honestly that might not have been haunted so much as infested with serial kill. What about that one you stayed at where the guy pulled up with the cage? I left there. I would not stay there. And I had a dog with me. Like, I was like, like, I remember there was some pretty shifty hotels that I have stayed at, like in Utah on my way from driving from Arizona to Washington. And I had Millie, my big German shepherd. I love you, Millie, rest in peace, with me. And I was like, I I literally sat in the chair for a couple hours to rest, and then we left. Because I was like, I don't know. Mm-mm. No, I won't. Talk about the cage. Talk about the cage. Well, okay, so there was a lot of things going on at this hotel. There, so there was a lady and a younger lady, and there was definitely a man that came to pick up the younger lady that probably paid the older lady in order to have time with this younger lady. It was very weird exchange. I did not like it. It made me feel really awful inside. I would have puked had I not wanted to touch anything in that hotel room. And then there was a guy who had a flatbed truck that the flatbed had a cage on it. What do you keep in a cage on your flatbed? What what goes in there? Tiger in Utah is the tigers in Utah? I don't know. Tell me, Utahans, like, do you have tigers there? Because I've never seen one. It was very scary. And then I went down to the lady at the at the front desk and I was like, hey, there's a lot of weird people here doing some weird things. And she said, Oh, well, that's okay, because we no one's called the cops today. And I went, Oh, is that is that something that happens often? And she said, Oh, yeah, all the time. And I went, Okay, cool. And I packed my dog up and I left. I still paid for the room. I didn't ask for money back. I didn't complain because I definitely believe in like restaurant karma. It also extends to hotels. But I was just like, I'm just gonna let these people do their thing that they do without me.

Kelly 33:09

You know, talking about friends and motels, uh-huh. The thing that I noticed re-watching Supernatural, oh, they had such great motels. Like, like they had great motels, but they didn't have any friends. Like sometimes when Sam and Dean break up, no, they don't really though. Sometimes when Sam and Dean break up, I want to be like, oh my gosh, like that that must hurt like inside you because that is your only person. Like you are now alone in the world.

Kristin 33:38

Yeah, but I think that was part of the show though. Yeah, no, no, I get that. Because they kept bringing each other back to life.

Kelly 33:46

But talking about like community, yeah. Sure, you could argue that they had a small community of of disparate hunters out in the world, but though they didn't they didn't really they were alone in the world unless they had each other.

Kristin 34:01

They were they were plot devices, they weren't actual. Yeah, if they had to break up like into hell and pull each other back.

Kelly 34:10

No, no, no. But when they when they would break up because they were mad at each other, like they would they would be alone in the world. They were alone wandering the world, staying at these lonely hotels. Yeah. Motels.

Kristin 34:22

Again, I would argue that you would have to be a little bit more.

Kelly 34:24

Hotel motel holiday.

Kristin 34:26

Yeah. I would argue that again, like you'd like if it was a show about two sisters, that would have never happened because you wouldn't wander alone. You would just be like, I'm mad at you right now, and you go sit on that bed, and I'm gonna sit on this bed, and we're not gonna talk.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

That would be so uncomfortable.

Kelly 34:46

No, it wouldn't, because that's just the way. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

I wouldn't be like, get in your car and go wherever you want to go. I'm gonna be in this one person would grab their keys and be like, well, I'm going.

Kelly 35:01

And the other one would be like, then go. And then you'd both sit on your beds for a while and holding your keys.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

That's just the threat of going.

Kelly 35:09

The threat of going would hang in the other one would touch the door, the other one would be like, You can't go out there alone. Just sit down for a while.

Kristin 35:17

Well, yes. And I would argue that the other person would probably be like, You're right.

Kelly 35:20

You're right. I'm gonna sit here for a while.

Kristin 35:23

We're not gonna watch TV. I'm gonna hold my own. We're not gonna do anything but stew.

Kelly 35:29

Yeah. Until the one was like, I'm hungry. Yeah, what do you want to eat? I saw a diner down the street. I don't even know if sisters would get to be in hell that long. The other one would just be like, nah.

Kristin 35:49

No, you wouldn't you would have never spent the years in hell. No. Yeah. No, because he was he was like, I was there for 50 years, you know, like he thought for five.

Kelly 36:00

Yeah. Each year is 10 years.

Kristin 36:02

Yeah. You wouldn't have been. It wouldn't even have been 10 years. It wouldn't have been five minutes. No. No. Not no, not with a sister. Sisters get shit done. Excuse me. Devil Devil Man?

Kelly 36:14

No. We don't walk by ourselves at night. We sure shit don't go to hell by ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Thanks. You either take both of them by or none of them.

Kelly 36:27

You'd be like, no. You're just never bad. Somewhere else. It's fine. Just take her. But it's but when they when they break up, you I feel I feel in my soul, I'm like, oh, they're like they're a man wandering alone. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. They need friends. Monster hunters need friends too. Male monster hunters need friends too. Lonely profession. That's a funny show. I forgot how funny it was. I forgot how good they were in it.

Kristin 36:57

No, it was there was it was a very good TV. And it was very not like the rest of the TV that was out at the time. Like uh just two male leads, no real romantic characters for them. Like it was just like two brothers like hanging out.

Kelly 37:11

Remember when we wanted to like go drive across the country in an Impala?

Kristin 37:16

Hey, well, is this a challenge? Are we gonna go find some?

Kelly 37:19

Okay.

Kristin 37:20

No, because you wouldn't even get off, you wouldn't even get out of the car. You would be like, no, I'm not staying there.

Kelly 37:25

No.

Kristin 37:26

Bugs.

Kelly 37:27

Bugs. Cereal. It would have to be a really nice motel, like a five-star motel. Like a motel, like a boutique hotel.

Kristin 37:36

They have those.

Kelly 37:37

Yeah, but I'm probably not staying there either. I'm just and it's not snobby. You know, maybe it is. But it's not, it's not the snobby piece. It's it's the comfort level. It's it's my feeling safe in a place. I can say that.

Kristin 37:52

I don't like I can be snobby if they it's because I need snobby then.

Kelly 37:55

I can sleep tonight.

Kristin 37:56

I need to sleep.

Kelly 37:57

Yeah, no, I don't want to I don't want to stay up all night with one eye open, wondering if the ghost or the serial killer is coming for me or the bed bug, which scares me more than either one.

Kristin 38:07

I don't call that snobbery. I call that just nothing you're worth. Comfort. Yeah.

Building Community On Purpose

Kristin 38:14

Like and subscribe. Oh, you think we're done? I would say so. I think there's a lot of good stuff there. Why you want to keep going? I don't know.

Kelly 38:22

Well, I don't know if we've come to a conclusion yet.

Kristin 38:25

What why do we need one? I don't know. Do we need one? I mean, like like A, it's just a conversation. It doesn't need to conclude to anything. And B, like, why bother with all that stuff? That's a lot. Because I we owe it. No, because people, but like, but people can have their own conclusions. Not everything has to be tied up in a boat. What did you get out of this? Just a conversation with my sister. What else do I need out of it? Like, what did you what did you get out of friendship? See, I feel like now we're getting into like what do you think? I want to know what you got.

Kelly 38:57

What did you get out of it?

Kristin 38:58

Out of talking about friendship? Oh, well, I think I I mean honestly, what I got out of the talk was a renewed sense of like, yes, I want to build community around myself. And that is an I have to be an active participant. And it's not a it's not a passive job, it's an active job. You have to participate.

Kelly 39:21

Yes. You do have to actively participate in community.

Kristin 39:25

Yes. And like I'm I'm like, it's one of the reasons I wanted to talk about it today. Is like I have a sense of renewed interest in participating and being an active participant and building a community around myself. And like knowing that it's gonna be hard.

Kelly 39:44

Yeah, it is hard. Harder than I want it to be.

Kristin 39:46

Yeah, I could just like sit around and watch supernatural, but like I can't. I have to like go and put myself out there and like have people like weigh my worth as a friend. And like that's not something that's super comfortable or that like I would I would like sign up to do normally.

Kelly 40:07

Weighing my worth as a friend. Wow, that's even that's heavy shit. Oh, it's heavy shit.

Kristin 40:14

But that's what I got out of this. So is that like there's a lot of good reasons to do that. There there is a lot of good reasons to get off of your couch or out of your own space or uh in and go to places, find the third space in your life to build a community, even if it's uncomfortable. I do no, I I think as as a species, as a human race, we should put work and effort into building those spaces for other people.

Kelly 40:43

How much time do we spend at the gym? We don't know anybody there, and not that I want to.

Kristin 40:49

I was just like, I was I was almost gonna say that, and I'm like, uh that's kind of mean. So I was like trying not to say that, but I say that, you know. I but I think it's the same thing as like a like an apartment building or like a wall. It's not a community, it's not really a community. Just because you are in the same vicinity as people doesn't necessarily mean that that's community.

Kelly 41:10

Where the the lady who owns the yoga studio actively talks about I'm doing community events, I want to build community with these extra things. I'm not just yoga class. Yoga class is what brings people there, the community is what keeps people staying.

Kristin 41:26

There are gyms that build community, just like there are churches that build community and and other things that build community. I I don't know if we necessarily go to a gym that build like it's not a community-building gym. It's just for people it's like it's after work, go to the gym. But I'm I'm just saying, I'm sure there are people who have built a community at that gym. I'm not one of those people. I am one of the people who come in. I I smoke bomb my way in. I hang out with Payne Daddy for a little bit, I walk on the treadmills, I mind my own P's and Q's, and then I smoke bomb out. I don't get the smoke bomb there. People talk to me. You don't, yeah. No, people don't get it. I don't know why. I think it's really funny though that as we grew up, you were the mean. No, you weren't mean. I'm not mean. I'm mean you're just not unapproachable. You're unapproachable.

Kelly 42:14

I'm unapproachable, but yet people approach you.

Kristin 42:17

But they approach you all the time. And I never no one talks to me. No one says hello, no one says, oh, I like your pants. I mean, like you get all sorts of like people talking to you about all sorts of things, and I nobody says a word to me at all. I don't get it. So I must be unapproachable. I don't get it. I really don't.

Kelly 42:40

I must like, but I mean I, you know what? As much as I sometimes am like, ooh, you could have just stayed 20 feet away. If you approach me, you're nice about it. Oh, I'm nice about it, yeah. But also like you you got a backbone. Like you you did a thing. I I that is a that is a feat in itself to come all the way up to me and say words.

Kristin 43:03

That's why I'm wondering if if you're getting if you lost your edge, which I'm gonna do. No, it's always happen.

Kelly 43:08

No, it's always happened to me.

Kristin 43:09

Always so weird. So weird because I feel like I've been approachable my whole life, but maybe I just felt that way and I'm not approachable. Maybe I maybe I don't know that. Like maybe there's something about myself that I can't see because I am me. I'm too close to it.

Kelly 43:22

I don't I don't know what it is. I I don't know why it happens to me. If I could turn it off, I would. Would I? I don't know. Would I at this point? I might not turn it off anymore. I might turn it on more. I might find what what what about me is approachable because I don't consider myself an approachable person.

Kristin 43:40

But I I'm I'm just saying I I wouldn't if I were you, I wouldn't turn it off. No, I don't get approached and I wish I did. Because it would get me.

Kelly 43:48

I want to turn it up, but not to the point where everyone's coming up to me, because then that that is saying something else about you.

Kristin 43:55

Yeah, no, no, no.

Kelly 43:56

No, only I just want to just want to turn and spick it up just a little. Little bit where I can still control it.

Kristin 44:03

But I I would argue that you you have a good balance. People feel comfortable enough to come up to you, but not comfortable enough to trap you in conversations you don't want to be in. Yes.

unknown 44:12

Yeah.

Kristin 44:12

I think that's what you're doing.

Kelly 44:13

Well, because that that's not balance. That's just me being like, we're done here.

Kristin 44:17

Right. But I'm just saying that I I think that's a good space to be in where people don't feel like they can come up to you and say and do whatever they want, right? It's not like, oh, I'm gonna I feel like I know this person, so I'm gonna, you know, whatever that is. Like whatever turning up that volume is, but people feel comfortable enough to say, hey, you look really great.

Kelly 44:37

I think it's because I have also enough self-worth and have enough confidence that I know I can turn it off in mid-conversation. Sure. I can reroute people.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

Sure.

Kelly 44:52

Except that guy that came up to me on the treadmill and almost killed me. I almost died that day.

Kristin 44:57

Well, I mean, you know, if I would have done it. You definitely would have had a concussion.

Kelly 45:00

If I would have died, but you would have definitely had onto the sides of a treadmill. I know, like a tiger.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Your tiger instincts were strong that day. But no, I mean, you definitely you would have gotten hurt for sure.

Kristin 45:16

I don't know if you would have died. I mean, at least he acknowledged that. I mean, we we weren't running, you know, we were just walking.

Kelly 45:23

It's still a moving thing.

Kristin 45:25

I know, but I would just I'm just saying we wouldn't have you been running breaking. I jumped, I almost screamed. He was he was very reckless in how he approached. He did approach from the back, which I would argue is actually given me a complex now that I kind of like if I see somebody walking behind us, that's why I like my one treadmill. That one because of that guy, because I'm like, oh my god, what if it's I like the treadmills you can't sneak up on me on?

Kelly 45:51

I want to see you coming from all ways.

Kristin 45:53

No, I no, I would argue that it's it's given me a complex a little bit.

Kelly 45:57

Like I will switch treadmills about people quite a few times in order to to work my way over to my specific treadmill, which is why if you liked the stair mills, we'd be in a really good place because those are your background on the wall and you can see all the things.

Kristin 46:10

There's something about the repeated motion of walking upstairs that just trudgery. That's all I can't my head space is just so low on the trend because it's just no matter what you do, it's trudging. And I can't trudge. I hate trudging.

Kelly 46:28

Because it's a different motion for your knees. Good. I know I hate I hate the stair climber. I'll just do it by myself. You can. But you it's it is just like me though, going into hell. If I get up on those stair mills, you know you're going to. You're not gonna let me do it by myself.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

No, I won't. No, oh my god, no. I I I've trudged. Oh my god, no, I'd have to trudge. I would trudge. Yeah.

Kelly 46:56

You're gonna trudge your I would. You're gonna you're gonna be on them too. Oh god.

Kristin 47:01

But yes, yes, if if you go, I will not let you wander the stair mills alone.

Kelly 47:08

Like and subscribe.

Kristin 47:10

Yes, please do. Oh, normally I would say don't, but you know what? Today I'm gonna say do. Do build community. Is that even what do people do that anymore? Do people say that anymore? Like and subscribe? Yes, of course they do. I mean, I just feel like that's it. Like, what else are you doing? I mean, you're you like that is part of building the community for yourself, for the listener, and for yourself. Like and subscribe. People do actually still say it. Do they? Don't who cares if they don't?

Kelly 47:35

Do people saying it? Okay. We welcome you. Some of you, all of you, all of you, all of you, all of you. You are welcome here.

Kristin 47:46

Oh, I wish we had a ninja smoke bomb.