Becoming Mum: How to prepare your heart (Not just your hospital bag)

As your due date approaches, the emotional preparation for motherhood can feel just as big as the physical preparation. In this episode, we talk about the mix of feelings before labour and simple ways to prepare your heart and mind for meeting your baby. A gentle reminder that you don’t need to feel completely ready to become a mum.

If you’d like more step-by-step support, my First Time Mum Ultimate Handbook course walks you through pregnancy to baby’s first birthday with practical advice, tools, and checklists. You can find the link below for my website.

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Transcript

Charlie 0:26

Hey, and welcome to today's episode of a Chat with Charlie on Mom Matters. today we're gonna talk about the rollercoaster before birth, the excitement, the panic, and everything in between. Firstly, thank you for being here again this week for our podcast. I wanna talk about everything else that goes with preparing to have your baby. So you've packed your hospital bag, but how do you prepare your heart and your mind? For the biggest change of your life, meeting your baby and becoming a mom. Crazy, huh? There's an emotional buildup before labor. The closer you get, the more real it feels. You have so many mixed emotions, the excitement, the panic, the worry, the joy, the countdown effect. Like every day could be the day that baby's coming. It's those feelings and questions that we often ask ourselves, will I cope? Will I bond with my baby? What if I don't bond with my baby? Am I ready to let go of my old self? My personal experience, I was so focused on meeting my new baby, so focused on the pregnancy side of things How I felt during pregnancy. your mind doesn't always go to what's gonna happen after it. it does drift there. There's all these different flashes of what will I be like as a mom or I don't know if I can do labor. I dunno if I'm gonna get through this. And by the way, you do somehow, miraculously you do. I have had. I think every type of labor that you could possibly have, and each time you wonder, can I do this? can my body do this? What am I actually doing? I remember when I was pregnant and certain points of pregnancy you don't feel your greatest. I remember thinking to myself, what have I done to myself? But then in the next. Breath. I'm totally emotional because I am growing a baby and it's my baby and I can't wait to meet the baby. It's an absolute emotional rollercoaster. As I got closer to my due date, I remember just feeling so ready to meet my baby. there were moments where I didn't actually care about the labor and I wasn't worried. I just want the baby here already. And then there were other moments where I was terrified about going into labor and how is this baby actually gonna get out? it's such a variety of different feelings. So you have all those moments of panic mixed with overwhelm, mixed with joy What I think I'd wished I'd have known, it goes back to the previous podcast, if you haven't listened to that, about conversations that you should have with your partner before baby comes, definitely listen to that because that's a big part of the emotional preparation for me. I wasn't ready for how I was gonna feel after having my baby. I think your mind goes all of a blur. You've got to focus on the practical things like packing your hospital bag, your birth plan, the logistics of having a baby. The emotional stuff creeps in there. You can't possibly know how you're gonna feel after having a baby, but I was not emotionally prepared for how much it would change my life and how I was actually going to feel. Just take a moment to breathe. And just enjoy each moment as you are coming closer to having your baby and connect with yourself. I really think that's something that I didn't do, that I wish that I had have done. You sort of carried through this pregnancy and you're counting down the weeks. You are counting down by appointments, by what you've got to do, how you should be feeling, what a size baby is, what vegetable size they are the anticipation of having this baby is just so much, so big. Just take a moment to actually breathe and think about how you are feeling. I think the emotional journey matters because it's not just a physical journey. Birth is a huge emotional transition, so preparing emotionally can help reduce anxiety and the overwhelm of everything that You are. Going through a calmer, kinder mindset helps both you and your baby. Some practical tips for emotional preparation. Just acknowledge your feelings, Don't ignore anything. Don't push away the panic and the fear. Let them be a normal part of how you're feeling. A normal part of the journey of being pregnant and having a baby. if you can't talk about it with your partner, always talk about it with a friend, your mom, or a midwife. Sharing anything that's on your mind, anything at all reduces the weight, the heaviness of it. Your birth plan makes things calm, create preferences, but always stay flexible. Your birth plan doesn't always go to plan, and I think a lot of women get very upset when the birth plan doesn't go to plan, but in my experience, five babies. I don't think I've had a birth plan go to plan, except for when it was my planned C-sections that went to plan, but my actual labors where I went into labor even my natural birth didn't go to plan. So just be a bit flexible and a bit mindful that it's guidelines. Really visualize meeting your baby. Picture that first cuddle. Instead of focusing on the labor focus on the end point, the gift that you get after all the labor. simple calming tools are deep breathing, connect with yourself. I'm no professional on breathing, but I know that breathing helps and it's definitely helped me in so many situations. I think breathing is really underrated. it's so powerful. When you just sit there and connect with your breath. Mindfulness journaling as well, writing things down, writing your feelings down, getting things off your head, especially before you go to sleep at night. We can have this spiraling effect of lying in bed thinking about stuff and processing and processing, then the story gets bigger and the panic gets more. Whereas if you just write things down, just jot it down, I am feeling worried about X, Y, Z. I want to research X, Y, Z tomorrow I need to do X, Y, Z tomorrow. it definitely helps me. Your mind then becomes free because, let's be honest, trying to sleep in pregnancy, especially later on in pregnancy, it's not the easiest, is it? So writing things down is a big one for me. You need to do whatever it is to release the pressure that you are feeling. Building up towards having your baby and through the whole of pregnancy, you don't need to be a hundred percent ready. None of us are. Give yourself a bit of grace as well. Becoming a mom is a process. It's not an instant switch. you've been one kind of person for the whole of your life now you are just about to become a different. Kind of person that you've never experienced before. And whilst mother instinct kicks in there is no feeling like holding that baby in your arms and something does change in you, but there are things that you're going to have to learn over time that you're gonna have to adapt to, that your baby will have to adapt to as well. You're both learning and it's not an instant switch. So just give yourself time and grace for that. It's completely normal to feel unprepared. I don't think any of us feel fully ready, but when the time comes, you will rise to the occasion. You will be ready and you'll be so amazed at what you can do at what your body can do at yourself. I think the thinking of it ahead is harder than actually going through it, than actually doing it. Meeting your baby is overwhelming. It's beautiful. It's transformative all at once. that's the thing about motherhood as well, is that you get a lot of feelings all mushed together, so be kind to yourself through it. And if you want to feel super prepared, because I have gone through this so many times, I think each time I have experienced a different thing, a different emotion, a different course of actions have happened, which we will be discussing throughout the journey of these podcasts. that's the reason that I wanted to talk to you about my journey, my podcasts, my all my experiences through birth, labor, motherhood, all of it. 'cause I've had such a variation of experiences that I feel I can help you understand parts of your journey, why they're happening and help you prepare. in ways that I didn't and I couldn't. So if you're listening to this and you want a bit more guidance, I've actually put everything that I wish I'd known as a first time mom into my first time Mom Ultimate Handbook Course. It takes you step by step from pregnancy right through to baby's first birthday with all the real advice, checklists, practical tools, milestones. Preparing yourself for motherhood, even going back to work, your baby's first birthday and everything in between that I could think of that would help you on this journey. I will help you as much as I can through these podcasts and talking through it, I'm here with you. in as many ways as I possibly can be. The first time on Ultimate Handbook is like. Having me as your friend hold your hand the whole of the first year so you can feel prepared and one step ahead so that you can mentally prepare yourself for what's to come. a huge thing that I feel, and I always say, each baby is so individual and develops. By itself in its own time. There's no rush. Milestones are just a guideline, but I will go through the guidelines of milestones and what you can expect in the first time on Ultimate Handbook. it's just another way for you to have me in your pocket for the first year. the link to my website, my stands store is in the show notes, and you can check that out. But just be kind to yourself. You are about to embark on a massive transition in your life, a huge journey. So yes, pack your hospital bag, have it ready by the door, but also. Take a check in with yourself and make sure that you are emotionally ready to,