Finding Yourself Again: A Mom’s Comeback

You were one person your whole life — with dreams, opinions, passions, and a sense of who you were. Then you became a mum… and suddenly, you don't know how to connect the two anymore.

In this episode, Charlie opens up about losing yourself in motherhood — even when becoming a mum was part of the dream. She explores:

→ Why something still feels missing, even when you're living what you always wanted

→ How motherhood asks us to give constantly from the moment baby arrives — and why no one teaches us how to refill the cup

→ Why you're allowed to make space for your needs too (and how to actually do it)

→ Small shifts that helped Charlie regain herself after 5 babies

→ A mindset shift that changed everything

Charlie also shares the mistakes she made along the way — and what she learned from them. Because she's been putting it all together to help you find an easier path: one where you can enjoy motherhood AND love yourself again.

🔔 Something new is coming at the end of May to help mums with exactly this. Follow @charliesparentingpages on Instagram to be the first to know.

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Stay connected with Charlie

Website: https://stan.store/Charliesparentingpages (Mum Matters Community)

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/charliesparentingpages/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Charliesparentingpages

A new episode is released every Sunday!

Transcript

0:26

Hello and welcome back to chat with Charlie on Mom Matters. I'm Charlie, mom of five. today we're talking about something I think almost every mom experiences at some point. I definitely know that I have. That feeling of losing yourself when you become a mom of looking in the mirror and thinking, who even am I anymore? if that hits home with you, then stay with me because I've been there multiple times and I wanna share what I've learned and what's helped me come back to myself. I really wanna start by just naming it because I think one of the hardest things about this feeling is that it's so hard to put into words you might not even realize it's happening at first. You're so busy surviving the feeds, the nappies, the school runs, the meal prep, the bedtime battles that you don't notice, that you've slowly just disappeared. Until one day you're standing in the kitchen exhausted and you think, I used to be someone, I used to have hobbies. I used to see my friends. I used to feel excited about stuff. Now I just feel empty or numb or like I'm running on autopilot. And the worst part you feel guilty for even noticing that you feel like that because you love your kids. You wanted this? So why does it feel like something's missing? It's so backwards, isn't it really? But I want you to hear this, that feeling doesn't mean that you are ungrateful to be a mom. it doesn't even mean that you're a bad mom. It means that you're a person, you're an actual human being, and it means that something in your life. Needs attention. So why does this happen? I think there are a few things going on here. firstly, motherhood asks us to give constantly. From the moment your baby is born, you are pouring out physically, emotionally, mentally. And if you're not intentionally refilling your cup, it runs dry. And we all know that you can't run on empty. But here's the thing, no one actually teaches us how to refill that cup. We are taught to sacrifice, to put everyone else first, to keep going no matter what. And somewhere along the way we start believing that our needs don't actually matter. That wanting something for ourselves makes us somewhat selfish. Secondly, your identity shifts massively when you become a mom. Before kids, you knew who you were. You had routines, friendships, interests, goals. Then suddenly your whole world revolves around this tiny human and everything you used to do, the things that made you feel like you fall away, like disappear. Not because you don't want them anymore, but because there's no time, no energy, and no space for them. And before you know it, you've forgotten what you even enjoy anymore, who you even are. It is a complete identity shift. We don't really see it coming. Thirdly, and this one's sneaky. We compare ourselves constantly. We scroll through Instagram and see other moms who look like they've got everything together, clean house, happy kids, date nights, fitness routines, like is that even realistic? And we think, what's wrong with me? Even though we're probably looking at those Instagram reels thinking that's not realistic, but still we start comparing and judging ourselves saying, why can't I do that? Why do I feel like I'm drowning when everyone else seems absolutely fine? But here's the truth. Take note of this. Everyone is struggling in their own way. They're just not showing it. So how do you know if this is you? Here are some signs that I've noticed in myself and in the moms that I talk to. Things like you can't remember the last time you did something that was just for you, not for the kids, not for your partner, just for you. You feel resentful even towards the people that you love, but you can't explain why because you're happy to do everything for them, but something feels missing within you and it's really hard to explain, isn't it? You are exhausted, but you can't switch off. Your brain is always running through a to-do list or several to-do lists. You've stopped making plans with friends because it feels just too much effort. By the time you've got to the end of the day or through everything you need to do at home, there's not an ounce of energy left. For you to do anything else for yourself. You look at old photos of yourself and you feel disconnected, like that person doesn't exist anymore. And I've definitely looked at pictures of myself from my younger days, from my single days before a family and almost feel like it happened to a different person, that it didn't even happen to me. It's so far disconnected from who I am now. Sometimes you feel invisible, like no one really sees you. You're the person that holds everything together for the whole family, but you can really feel invisible at the same time. It's quite a strange feeling. You say, I'm fine a lot. But you're not fine. You're just coping, trying to keep your head above water. If any of that resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not on your own here. And I also want you to know it doesn't have to stay this way, and it's not going to stay this way. If you stick with me, it's not going to stay this way. Now I'm not gonna sit here and just tell you to take a bubble bath or do some more self-care because honestly, that advice used to make me want to scream like that was gonna fix everything. When you are running on empty, the last thing you need is another thing to add to your to-do list, even if it's a bubble bath. But there are some small shifts that genuinely helped me and I want to share them with you. One, start noticing your thoughts. Really pay attention. So much of this is about the stories we tell ourselves, how we wire our subconscious mind. I'm not a good mom. I should be doing more. Everyone else is coping better than me. When you start catching those thoughts, you can start questioning them. Is that actually true or is that just exhaustion talking? I promise you it's probably the latter. You don't have to believe everything you think you need to try and why your brain so that you flip the negative thoughts round to a positive one instead of. Am I really a good mom? Try. I am giving my best. I am doing everything I can to be a good mom and that is enough. Two, give yourself permission to want more. This was huge for me. For years, I felt guilty for wanting anything beyond my kids, but wanting to feel like yourself again isn't selfish. It's actually necessary. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to matter. Three. Reconnect with one thing that you used to love. It doesn't have to be big. Maybe it's reading, maybe it's walking. Maybe it's listening to music that isn't baby shark or baby related. Just one thing that reminds you, oh yeah, I'm still here for. Let go of the mom. You think you should be? This one's hard, but it's so freeing. If you can manage to do this, the perfect mom doesn't exist. Let me just, you know, put that one out there straight away. She's a myth, a highlight reel that you see, but she's not real. The real win is showing up, doing your best and being kind to yourself. When you fall short five, this is easier said than done, but really try it. Talk about it, whether it's a friend, a partner, a therapist, if you need, or a community of moms who get it. Don't carry this on your own. It's hard to talk because. You feel like you're the only one, especially if you are spending a lot of time looking at other people and judging yourself based on that. But I can assure you once you talk, especially if it's to another mom at a similar stage to you and you say, I'm really struggling with this right now. Or Why is this so difficult that other mom will say, yeah, you know, I've been feeling the same or. Yeah, that happens, doesn't it? Or I get that. The moment you say it out loud, it loses its power, it shrinks. You realize that you're not broken, you're just overwhelmed, and that is fixable. That's the good news. It's fixable. I wanna leave you with a mindset shift that really changed things for me. For a long time, I thought coming back to myself meant going backwards. like I had to become the person that I was before kids. Like you're trying to get back to that place, but that's not it at all. Completely the opposite. In fact, you are not going back. You are going forward. You are becoming a new version of yourself, the one that includes motherhood but isn't defined by it. You can be a brilliant mom and still have dreams. I have so many dreams, so many wants, so many goals, and don't get me wrong, part of that is to do with motherhood, to do with being a good mom, being there for my kids. My kids are such a big part of my dreams, but you are allowed to have your own as well. You can love your kids fiercely and still need time alone. You can be grateful for your life and still want more from it. Those things aren't opposites. They can both be true at the same time. And when you stop trying to be everything to everyone, you actually become a better mom because you're not running on fumes anymore. You are full present. Calm and your kids, they feel that. Now, I'm gonna be honest with you, this episode is close to my heart because I have lived it after five babies. I've lost myself more times than I can count, and each time I've had to figure out how to find my way back or rather forward, it wasn't easy. It took time. It took. Mistakes. A lot of mistakes. It took learning. Learning what actually works and what doesn't. And everything I've learned, I've been putting it together because I don't want you to have to figure it out on your own like I did. That's the whole point of this podcast. So here's what I can tell you. Something is coming at the end of May this year, something I've been building, especially for moms who feel like they've lost themselves and want to find their way back to who they are with motherhood put in there as well. It is not about being a better mom. It's about being you again and a mom. I can't say too much yet, but if this episode hits home for you, I really think you're gonna wanna know about it. So make sure you're following me on Instagram. That's Charlie's parenting pages. So you're the first to know when the doors open for this. Thank you so much for giving me your time today and for being here. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love you to share it with a mom who might need to hear it too. Sometimes just knowing that you're not on your own makes all the difference. And if you found this helpful, make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss the next episode. I've got so much more coming for you. Remember, wanting yourself back isn't selfish. It's the bravest thing you can do for yourself and your family. You are not lost. You are just wanting to be found again, and I'm here to help you do exactly that.