Natural Birth Recovery: What No One Tells You About Healing (Physically & Emotionally)

Just because you didn't have surgery doesn't mean your body didn't go through something massive. In this episode, Charlie shares her honest experience recovering from her first natural birth — and why the "you should be fine" narrative is harmful.

In this episode, you'll learn:

* Why natural birth still requires serious recovery (and why the "hierarchy of birth" is a myth)

* What's actually normal in postpartum recovery — bleeding, soreness, hormones, and the emotional weight no one warns you about

* The 4 biggest recovery mistakes Charlie made (so you don't have to)

* What actually helps: rest, support, and giving yourself permission to struggle

* The identity shift no one talks about — grieving your old self while loving your new life

Key takeaways:

* Your body grew a human for 9 months, shifted organs, expanded your pelvis, and pushed out a baby — that is not nothing

* You're allowed to say no to visitors, ask for help, and not feel okay

* Recovery isn't just physical — it's about your whole identity shifting, and that takes way more than 6 weeks

Resources mentioned:

* Back to Me — Charlie's program helping moms reconnect with who they are beyond "just mom"

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Transcript

0:26

Hello, lovely. Welcome back to Chat with Charlie on Mom Matters. I'm so happy that you are here again today. Today we're talking about something that doesn't get nearly enough airtime, the natural birth recovery, and I don't just mean the physical stuff, although we will get into that. I mean, the emotional recovery, the identity shift. The bit where you're expected to just, you know, crack on, because I think this is the thing that no one tells you. Just because you didn't have surgery, it doesn't mean that your body didn't go through something massive. Just because you could technically walk to the toilet afterwards, it doesn't mean that you are just fine, and just because everyone else seems to bounce back, you know how much I hate that term. It doesn't mean that you should feel guilty for struggling. I think everyone has their own struggles and that's okay. So if you've had a natural birth or you're about to. Then this one is for you. I wanna tell you my story about my natural birth with my first baby, because it did not go how I expected. I was just getting ready to go for my baby shower. I was like 37 weeks pregnant at this point, and during my baby shower, I kept saying to my mom, I've got like weird pains, like very light, like period pains. Lo and behold, he decided to come. My beautiful firstborn decided to come the next day after my baby shower. Two and a half weeks early. I was not ready for this. I hadn't completely finished packing my hospital bag, and I know it probably should have been packed by the door by all the advice that I give now as an experienced mom, but as a mom that hadn't been a mom yet. You know, I packed all the essential things, but there was a few things that I wanted to chuck in at the last minute, and I hadn't managed to do that yet. I hadn't mentally prepared myself. I thought I had more time and then suddenly I went to the toilet, did a we and the we kind of like continued. I was like, this doesn't feel like like a anymore. my waters broke while I was on the toilet and I was in labor. Now, everyone told me the same thing. First. Babies take forever to come. You'll be in labor for hours. There is plenty of time. Even the midwife in the hospital couldn't be bothered with me. I was one centimeter when I went in and she said that I would be there for hours. First baby takes forever, and she left. She walked off left. But my contractions were getting worse and worse and worse and worse. my mom was there with me and my husband Aron, and uh, my mom said to the midwife, are you sure she's still just one centimeter? She sounds like she's much further along. And they kept fobbing us off though. No, no. Just one centimeter. I was in agony just on gas and air. Because I was only supposedly one centimeter. I wasn't allowed anything more than gas and air, so I was just, I, the pain, like I felt like it was like an outer body experience. But what the midwives didn't realize is there wasn't actually plenty of time. I progressed so quickly that the next time the midwives came, I, I said to them, I feel like I need to push. And they checked me again and I was eight centimeters dilated. He came so quickly that there was no time for an epidural, even if I wanted one. And honestly, the whole thing just felt completely surreal. One minute I was home. The next I was holding this tiny weenie human and thinking, what the hell just happened? I felt like it was happening to someone else. I just couldn't believe it, like I was still going to work at this point. I wanted to work until the end literally, which I did just a little bit sooner than I thought. I was still training the person at work that was meant to be taking over from me. It was a really, really mad, mad experience. I felt in shock. I felt like my body had been through so much, but first baby, everyone around you is so excited and everyone's acting like you're supposed to be celebrating when I feel like I've just been knocked over by a bus. And then came the recovery. I had issues healing. Breastfeeding was a battle. He kept falling asleep at the breast and I had no idea if he was getting enough milk and until the health visitor came round and told me that he'd lost more than 10% of his birth weight. Told me off. I felt like I was failing. Literally failing. I just like, I can't do this mom thing. I felt rubbish in myself. My baby wasn't feeding from me. I was being told off by the health visitor, and I turned to my husband. We had some of those little, uh, cowgate bottles ready. The, the ones that are pre-made. And I told him to give me the bottle. how can I think about healing, about looking after my baby, being a new mom, breastfeeding when it's not working, when everything feels like it's going against me. So we were now bottle feeding and that did make me feel a bit better. then there were the visitors wave after wave of people wanting to meet the baby. I was sitting there barely able to walk to the bathroom wondering why no one had warned me about this part. So if you're listening to any of that and it sounds familiar, then let me tell you this, you are not dramatic. You are not weak. You went through something so huge. There's this strange unspoken hierarchy about birth, like if you had a C-section, you're allowed to recover. And I've had C-sections too. If you had a natural birth, you should be fine. And that's just not true at all. Your body just grew a human for nine months. Your organs shifted, your muscles stretched, your pelvis expanded. I mean, come on. And then whether it took three hours or 30, you pushed a baby out and that's not nothing. Even if you didn't tear, which I did with my first. Even if everything went smoothly, your body still needs time. And if you did tear, which is incredibly common, you're also healing from that whilst sleep deprived, whilst feeding on demand, while processing a complete identity shift. You are now a brand new person or a brand new version of yourself as well. This gets so lost. When we are thinking about birth and labor and a new baby, first baby recovery, The identity shift gets lost, and that's such a massive part of this transition and why we are recovering as well. It's not just a physical recovery, it's an emotional recovery too. You have just become a person that you've never been before. You are a mom, so let's stop pretending that natural birth means easy recovery because it doesn't, it just means a different recovery, and you deserve the same grace, the same rest, the same support as anyone else. Let's talk about what's actually normal here, because a lot of this stuff gets glossed over and then you're left wondering if something's wrong with you first. Bleeding, you will bleed a lot and it can last for weeks. That's your body healing from where the placenta was attached. Stock up on maternity pads, not the regular ones, the big ones. I was told once, I dunno if this is helpful to anyone listening not to get regular sanitary towels, firstly because. they're not sufficient for the, for the need after birth. Maternity pads are much more absorbent, much longer, much thicker, but also because the fragrances in the normal San towels can irritate you after birth when you're so sensitive. Just a side note tip that I was told. Secondly, the soreness, whether you tore or not. Things will feel swollen and tender down there. Sitting might be uncomfortable. Going to the toilet might be scary, and that's all completely normal and it will get better. Third, the exhaustion, and I don't mean I could do with a nap kind of exhaustion, I mean bone deep, can't remember your own name, kind of exhaustion. Your body just did something enormous. Expect to feel wiped out. Fourth hormones around day three or four, your hormones will crash. You might cry for no reason at all. You might feel like you've made a terrible mistake. This is the baby blues. It usually passes within a couple of weeks, but if it doesn't. Please talk to someone Again, there's nothing wrong with you here. It's just good to have that extra support if it's lasting longer than a couple of weeks. Fifth, breastfeeding challenges. If you are breastfeeding, it doesn't always click straight away or at all. For that matter. Babies fall asleep, but the breast latches can hurt. Milk can take a few days to come in. None of this means that you are failing. It just means you are learning. And let me tell you this, from experience. If breastfeeding does not work for you or it's not working for you and your baby, that's okay to more than okay. Fed is best. And sixth, the emotional weight. No one prepares you for the identity shift. for the moment that you realize that you are responsible for keeping a tiny human alive, and that's a lot. Now, let's talk about the mistakes because I made. All of them, and I don't want you to do the same. Number one, don't overdo it. I know you feel useless lying on the sofa. I know you want to prove you can handle this, but your body needs rest and if you push yourself too soon, you will pay for it later. Exhaustion hits harder and you end up in a worse place than if you just rested from the start. Trust me on this. Number two, don't say yes to every single visitor. I made this mistake with my first baby. People wanted to come and I didn't wanna seem rude, so I said yes, and then I was bleeding exhausted trying to breastfeed with a house full of people who expected Tea and conversations and didn't really know when to leave, you're allowed to say no. You're allowed to say not yet. You're allowed to say, we'll let you know when we are ready. Your baby will still be cute in two weeks. They can wait. Number three, don't compare your recovery to anyone else's. This is so important. Recovery is so individual. Social media is full of women back in their jeans after a week. I was not one of those women. I've never been one of those women walking around like nothing happened. And good for them, really good for them. But that's not the standard. Your recovery is your recovery. It doesn't need to look like anyone else's. Number four. Don't ignore pain or symptoms that feel wrong if something doesn't feel right. If you're soaking through the pads in an hour, if you have a fever, if you feel deeply hopeless, please, please, please speak up. That's what the midwives, the health visitors, the hospital, the doctors, that's what they are all there for. Call your midwife. Call your gp. Call the hospital. Don't leave anything. You're not being dramatic. You're being smart. There's been a few occasions after having my babies where something hasn't felt right, and I've gone back to the hospital and I did the right thing. Quite a few occasions. And you do stand there, like second guessing yourself, like should I do I really need to? I can't be bothered. I'm tired. It's a whole faf to have to go back to the hospital. Probably taking the baby as well if there's no one to look after, watch the baby, or if you're breastfeeding. But your recovery is so, so important, and you have to look after yourself because if you don't look after yourself, then how are you gonna look after your baby? It's really as simple as that. Okay, so let's talk about what actually helps. Now, firstly rest, I'll repeat myself. Real rest. Not sitting on the sofa while doing a load of laundry, actual lying down and let someone else handle everything, can't rest. Allow yourself that. Secondly. Water and food you are healing. You might be breastfeeding. You need fuel. Keep a water bottle next to you at all times. In fact, have water bottles dotted all around the house, wherever you are feeding upstairs, downstairs. Accept every meal that someone offers to bring and when someone asks if they can help what they can do to help, that's a good thing to ask for. Could you make us a meal? People are so happy to help. They just wanna be told what to do. And those are the kind of visitors that you want, people that are coming to take a load off of you. So that brings me to thirdly, accept help. I know you wanna do it all yourself and you wanna do it your way. I am guilty of that, but this is not the time for that. If someone is offering to hold the baby while you take a quick shower, say yes. If someone offers to do the dishes, say yes. If someone offers to bring food, say yes. If someone offers to fold your laundry, even if these things are not the way you would normally do it, it's only temporary. Just let people help. Fourth, gentle movement when you're ready. Now, this is not exercise. I'm not talking about exercise, not trying to get your body back. Not exercise, not fitness. Just slow walks around the house, maybe outside after a couple of weeks. moving helps the healing, but do it gently. Be gentle with yourself. Fifth, emotional support. Talk to someone, your partner, your mom, a friend, a professional if you need. Another mom in the same situation as you. Don't buckle it up. the mental load of new motherhood is real. And you don't have to carry it on your own. Sometimes you don't feel like talking to anyone. It's hard to make that first conversation when you're feeling like that, but I promise you. Once you start talking and you get things off your chest, you will feel so much lighter. Now, here's the part that really matters to me because physical recovery is one thing, but what about the rest of you? This is something that I touched on earlier. after I had my first, I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself, like I didn't know who I was anymore, not just physically. That was a shock in itself. But emotionally, mentally, I didn't know who I was. I'd gone from being Charlie with interest opinions, lots of them, energy to being mom. And while I loved my baby so fiercely, I also felt like I'd lost something like the version of me that existed before had just disappeared. no one really talks about this part. It's all about physical recovery and your hormones, no one tells you that you might grieve your old life While loving your new one at the same time, no one tells you that mum guilt starts the moment. You wish you could have Five minutes alone. No one tells you that. Recovery isn't just about your body healing, it's about your whole identity shifting, and that takes time way more time than six weeks. This is actually something I'm really, really passionate about. Helping moms come back to themselves, not just survive motherhood, but actually feel like a person again. It's what I teach in back to me, that rebuilding, that reconnection. Because you deserve to feel like you again, not just someone's mom So here's what I want you to take away from this episode. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to need time. You are allowed to say no to visitors, ask for help. Cry in the bathroom and not feel okay. None of that makes you a bad mom at all. It makes you human, a human being, and that's what you are. Natural birth doesn't mean easy birth, and it definitely doesn't mean easy recovery. Your body did something extraordinary. Your mind is processing a complete life change. Your hormones are all over the place. Of course, you're not back to normal. There is no normal anymore. There's just a new version of life and it takes time to adjust, so please give yourself grace, rest when you can. Accept help when it's offered, and stop comparing yourself to anyone else. You are doing better than you Think. That's it for today. If this episode resonated with you, if you are in the middle of recovery right now, you are about to give birth and this helps you feel more prepared. I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message on Instagram. Leave a comment under this podcast episode. Let me know you are listening, and if you know another mom who needs to hear this, Please, please share it with her sometimes. We just need to know that we are not on our own. I'll see you in the next one. Take care.