Warm Welcome And Prayer Nerves

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, and welcome back to the Lyric and the Light with Dion and Lena. We did that backwards. I was so used to you doing the introductions, and I was like, oh no, I'm talking. I'm but this is Lena, if you can't tell. And that's and I'm Dion. And she's Dion. And we are. And the Lyric and the Light. We didn't get it together that time. That's all right. That's fine. We're gonna get it. We're gonna get it. Or not, probably. Who cares? So we are back for another episode of the faith series that we're doing. So last week, Dion, you did Believe for It by CeCe Wynans, which was a pretty great conversation. And I do love that song. This week I am going to be uh doing my song, but before we get started, I am going to open us up in prayer.

Opening Prayer And Casual Faith

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I am not a little fun fact about me, I don't like praying in front of people. Do they do it? I always feel like I don't know what to say. Me too. And that my words get lost. And when I first asked somebody about how to pray, they taught me like how you teach your kids to pray. So you, you know, dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day. And then what are you thankful for? And then you say what you're thankful for, then what you're sorry for, and then who would you like to pray for? And then you close it out. Um, so I still open up all my prayers the same way. Of dear Heavenly Father, you know what I love is there's no right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. And I do talk to him so casually. So apologies to those of you who are a little bit more eloquent in your prayers, that him and I don't have that kind of relationship. He's my dad. Absolutely. And I am I'm his kid, and so he's used to me. So okay. All right, dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day. I hope that you are feeling glorified by our conversations. I know sometimes that you're probably up there just laughing at us, but we love you and we are so grateful that you brought us together and that you brought these people to listen and to share what songs about you and about how wonderful and amazing of a dad you are, and hope they glorify you and that you feel blessed and that they bring people closer to you. God bless our conversation today, and just know that we love you so much. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. Amen. That's beautiful. It's you know, I don't know. I like that. Yeah, he's used to me though. Usually men are like, what's happening?

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah, I totally kind of cheat. I write my prayers down so I can read it on it. Yeah, I did a little easier for me. I like to wing it winging a prayer. You guys would be like, All right, just get on.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Yeah, that's why we we kept it short and sweet. We're like, we love you, Dad. You the best. All right. No one's ever gone again. All right, sorry. We're not in the back row pew. We're not so soon. So sorry. Okay.

Introducing “Back To Life” And Context

SPEAKER_01 2:51

So my song is Back to Life by Bethel Music. Yeah, so I love Bethel Music. I love the song Back to Life. It was a breakout song for Bethel Music, specifically launching the career of their worship leader, Zahira Zachary. I probably just completely butchered her name, but it was on their, it made its debut on Bethel Music's 2021 live album, Homecoming. So she had shared in interviews that this song was deeply personal to her, and she described it as a resurrection of faith. For her, it wasn't just a one-time conversion, it was about moving away from dead religion, such as performing for God, and into a living relationship, being known by God. So she often points to the moment that she led the song in her hometown of Houston as a full circle moment of seeing God bring her own story back to life. I love this song, and I'm gonna just read the lyrics. I won't torture you guys by singing it, but obviously opens up with the chorus No longer I who live but Christ in me. For I've been born again, my heart is free. The hope of heaven before me, the grave behind, hallelujah, you brought me back to life.

Lyrics, Galatians 2:20, And Testimony

SPEAKER_01 4:04

So I love that part, and I'm I'm gonna touch on the scripture that that that that goes to, and that comes from Galatians 2.20. It's I have I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2.20. So I do feel that way because I've told my friends who remember me back home when I was the hot like leading the hot mess express that I didn't have a lobotomy. Like I didn't suddenly, like just something just happened and I'm a completely different person. I mean, if you knew me back home, everybody called me cat. If you can look up my old Facebook page, I mean like every every picture I had. Don't do that. I mean, I'm not everyone's gonna run it. Yeah, right. I'm in my bra in like almost every picture, so you're welcome, America. But no, I really it was uh I was so desperate for love and attention and affection, and I was searching for it in all the wrong places and validation, and I was just uh just tragically unhappy. And you know, I I of course I came off, you know, funny and charming and all the things because you know that was that was the mask that I wore, and it made people flock to me and I seemed fun at parties and I was all those things, but I was dead inside, spiritually dead. And then the next line in the song, I won't forget the moment I heard you call my name out of the grip of darkness into the light of grace, just like Lazarus. You brought me back to life. And that is what happened. I mentioned in my in the first episode when I gave my testimony a little bit. I was sleeping on a mattress in my dad's apartment. It was after my mom died. I came to live with my dad, and I was just, like I said, circling the drain. I was just, you know, partying every night, just kind of living this wild life. And I was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor in my dad's apartment. And I had like an ashtray next to the mattress and uh a pizza box from like bringing home pizza late night. And it was just like, I mean, it was disgusting. I lived like a like a vagrant, and it was so gross. And and then God just woke me up and it was, it was gross. I mean, I think back to it and I'm like, you are dirty and gross, and like it's just and it was, and I didn't because I didn't care about myself, I didn't value myself at all. Yeah, it didn't put off that energy out into the world. If you look on social media, I I was happy, I was having fun, I was living my best life. And like, was I though? Was I living at all? Because to me, I mean, I really was the walking dead. And just like Lazarus, he brought me back to life, and I am alive in Christ's. He is who lives in me. I no longer live. That person is gone now. She is dead and happier for it. Yeah, and I am and I am this complete new creation. And until that happens to you, you don't realize what that is or what that even means. So the song repeatedly uses the refrain, just like Lazarus. This refers to Jesus calling Lazarus out of the tomb after he'd been dead for four days. And it serves as a metaphor for a spiritual rebirth that no matter how dead or stinking a situation or a soul feels, God's voice can call it back to life.

From Party Masks To Spiritual Awakening

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Jesus called in a loud voice, Lazarus, come out. The dead man came out. John 11, 43 to 44. And that is that's how it felt. Yeah. It was just like I woke up and I was a different person. And like, granted, I had to, like a baby almost, has to learn how to walk and function in the world. I had to learn how to walk and function in the world too. And I completely mucked it up and I was kind of just sort of like teeter-tottering my way around that for the first couple of years of like when I first moved here, and I was kind of fluctuating in and out of church because I was working in the restaurant business. So I kind of used that as my excuse to not go to church regularly because I worked on Sundays. I also still wasn't ready to fully let go of like smoking weed. Yeah. And I was, you know, still going out and drinking a little bit before Aria was born. And yeah, you know, just I was still kind of living a worldly life. And like slowly God matured me over time, just like a baby grows into a toddler, grows into a kid, grows into a teen. I would say right now, I mean, I had a I had a I had to mature quick with the ministry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

But I was just saying, I might still be stuck in the teen.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

I know. I think sometimes I think I am because I really do. I mean, sometimes I'm like, Lord, like you have me in turn to this ministry, but God, this mouth.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

And I've asked him, deliver me, Lord, yeah, because I cannot watch my mouth. It is such a struggle for me. I spoke like a sailor for so long. And it's like a like a fluent language, and it's so gross, and I hate it. And even taking care of kids, like I was there, was like most of my day I couldn't talk like that. Yeah, right. But then as soon as those kids were gone, oh yeah. You learn those sugar and fudge or I I do sometimes I do, but sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Mine is uh probably my my anger. Yeah, I struggle with the most is my anger and definitely my sarcasm, you know.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Are we not allowed to be sarcastic? Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I mean, though, come on.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

I was like, I am sarcastic all the time. Is there something else I have to repent for? Man, my sarcasm is that's part of my fun though. My sarcasm is mean.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Yeah, ends and just yeah, I'm I'm

Lazarus As A Metaphor For Rebirth

SPEAKER_00 9:55

a little off the cuff, probably for some people, but oh well, oh well. No, no, it's just funny.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

You know, they they hated him first, you know. So the next line in the song that says it goes back to the chorus. Oh, and where there was dead religion, now there is living faith, all of my hope and freedom are found in Jesus' name, just like Lazarus, he brought me back to life. So the the great exchange, Colossians 1 13, the lyrics say that out of the grip of darkness and into the light of grace, this mirrors the apostle Paul's description of salvation as a relocation for the of the soul. So for he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son, he loves. Colossians 1.13. And he did. I mean, the grip of darkness. You were there with your drinking, you were there with your suicidal tendencies. Yeah, I mean, we both talked about, you know, you know, even before our walk, like before you're walking with the Lord, you know, the grip of darkness and and the horrible, horrible things.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

It's still not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah. I mean, thanks so hard. Thank you for that light of grace. Yeah, you know, we need that. And I and and I'm so grateful for it. And in he does, he put he pulls us to that. And it and even the grip, um dark, the grip of darkness. I mean, it it grabs at you even today, you know, where my anger got a hold of me this morning when I was talking to my daughter. I was frustrated and she was back talking, and I just growled. Yeah, I did. Um, and then thankfully brought into the light of grace and that God reminded me that that she is a gift from the Lord. Right. And that is, and if Jesus was standing in this room right now, would I talk to her like that in front of him? And that is that's uh something that somebody told me to do that has stuck with me in every time that that I that I growl and at her, which isn't that often because I'm just like a typically more jovial type of person, but when it when it so when it comes out, it comes out.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

I wonder if did I did I say that to you? Because I've recently said it to Chad. Like, what if I think I said that to you in a Bible study, so you might have repeated conversation where we pretended Jesus was just sitting right there. How would we talk to each other?

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah, how would you like respectfully would you say that thing? And there and there is ways that I can correct her without that that I that God would want me to lovingly correct her on some of the things that she does because talking to me disrespectfully in front of the Lord also probably wouldn't nowhere would also probably not fly with him either because he'd be like, Yeah, that's not okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Forget the back row, we're stepping out of the turning.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Yeah. We have the south side of heaven. So, but he knows too. I mean, he still he he expected, you know, kids are supposed to respect their parents too. So I don't think he would have let that fly in the other direction either. But he had to, he does have to remind me to, you know, to that like I'm pulling you back because and they they do talk about this. The enemy thought he had me, but Jesus said you are mine. And when she shouts that in that song, but Jesus said you

Growing Up In Faith And Ongoing Struggles

SPEAKER_01 13:15

are mine, like you are mine. Yeah, you did like she does not belong to you, devil. Let her go. Yeah, she's my child. I have called her, I have pulled her out of your grip. You don't own her anymore. She's he she is alive in I am alive in her, she is with me now.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

The day I was gonna kill myself. Yeah, I mean, we talked about that before. We've even talked about that song with it, that yes, you know, the enemy thought he had me. Yeah, absolutely come to me tonight. Yeah, just put that gun in your mouth.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Yeah, I can make all of this go away. But Jesus said, She's mine, right? Yeah, and I love that. Thank you, God for I've got gooseies, absolutely. Thank you, God, for claiming me. Absolutely, you know, because and and I'm hope I speak that over my daughter now.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Is that you have such a long road ahead of you?

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Oh, I really do. I really do. Oh, she's gonna put me through it.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Wait till they're 18, you know, and then they're off on their own. No, it's almost harder.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

It goes on forever.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Oh my gosh, it's forever. It's forever. Do I wish my kids would call me every day, like to check in? And you know what I mean? It's so hard. Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I I we needed that faith. The the so the in the second, it says also the second verse mentions where there was dead religion, now there is living faces, and that points to the idea that we that we were dead in our transgressions, but made alive in Christ, and it contracts uh contrasts the dead works of trying to follow rules with the living faith of grace. I love that so much because I'm so grateful that the work, I mean, the works are a fruit of what the grace you've been given. So, like I do all these things with the ministry and serving and whatever, and I want to do those things. I don't think that any of the things I do are gonna get me into heaven because I know lots of people who do quote unquote good things. You know, one of the conversations I had with my Jewish best friend Jill before I ever talked to her about, or the first time I tried to talk to her about Jesus, which was a total flop. To tell that story sometime too. But she is a good it is a good story. But she uh she was just like, I I said, uh, you have to get to know Jesus. I was on, I just heard about Jesus and I wanted to share. And my best friend, she did, she doesn't know that she doesn't know the Lord. And I was like, I have to tell you about Jesus because you're gonna go to hell if I don't. Yeah, you know, and she's like, she's like, so she goes, I'm a good person, like I help out my neighbors when they need it. I I I'm a good mother, I'm a good friend, I'm a good daughter. Like, what do you mean? Yeah, and it's like that's not how you get there, though. So all of that still applies to the Christian lifestyle. Like you can sit in church, you could serve in your community, and you could you could do all the follow all the rules, quote unquote rules. But if you don't have a a full-on faith in Jesus and you don't have a relationship with him, like I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, you need to work on that.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

People like that in my life, and it worries me that they think that because they're a good person, they're going to be able to do it. None of us are good people, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:32

None of us, yeah, not me, even even all the quote unquote good things that I do. And if you were to ask most people who know me, are we? Yeah, no, we have no no chance, no, no chance at all. So, and there are people, I mean, with the guy on the cross next

From Darkness To Grace And Parenting Mercy

SPEAKER_01 16:48

to Jesus. I mean, he didn't go to church, he didn't get baptized, he didn't read the Bible, he didn't do any of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Y'all need Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Yeah, he got to go to heaven because he believed that Jesus was who he said he was and was dying for what he died for. Yeah, so I'm yeah, thank God that it's not up to me because I I would be I would be in hell and it would be hot.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yes, yeah, a hot creek.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

So yeah, so that scripture, but because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions. Ephesians 2, 4 through 5. So if you guys want to wanna go look that's those scriptures up, that is the scriptures that they reference in the song. So, you know, let's let's go back to the beginning where they talk about Lazarus and let's talk about how we all have tombs in our life that we have to walk out of. So addiction, depression, or even just apathy. So when you think about the tombs of your life that you walked out of, aside from suicide, what other tombs were you walking out of coming to Christ?

SPEAKER_02 18:02

Oh my gosh. I mean the list is long. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

I mean, I mean, I'd like to say too that 22 years ago I came to Christ and like life was just great after that, you know, and you know, I think I have three of those things. You know, but definitely the alcohol, you know. I mean, not just like Lazarus bringing back to life with the alcohol, you know. I mean I think not really quick just because you're told that something wrong with earlier you know that they're gonna hold it earlier, you know. I definitely can just recover. I don't know how many I mean I can I can't even literally think that I need to know that in the green crazy and he has brought me back to life. Yeah, I no longer have to sit there in any of that. Right. Whenever something comes up again, which there will be things that come up, you have to rise up, leave the gym, walk out, you know, yeah. With him take his hand.

Deliverance, Identity, And Suicide Averted

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I let the I let the sexual assaults that I suffered, like and the the abuse from my family, like I mean I had PTSD, which caused me to have severe panic attacks and anxiety attacks, and I just accepted that that was always going to be. A part of my life that I just I had PTSD and I spoke that over my own life. And I have anxiety and I have depression. I do that right now with anxiety. I have anxiety and depression. This is who I am. Yeah. And but it's and now, you know, again, thank you God for calling me out of that tomb because I don't have that anymore. Yeah. He rescued me from that because he made it possible for me to forgive in that, not forgive in that I want to have a relationship with those people, but in that like I'm just not holding on to that anger anymore or that hate self-hatred and realizing that I did not cause a lot of that stuff to happen. I let stupid people speak over me that some of those instances were my fault. You know, the with when the first guy that was the second guy that was an issue was my next door neighbor. And I there was a lot of times where I told myself growing up that that was a choice that I made was to was to have relations with a full grown man while I wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

No, and I can give ample stories of being groomed back then and not realizing that. Do you know what I'm saying? So that most definitely was not your fault. Yeah. You know, and especially, like you said, a grown man. Yeah. And I don't care how old you were.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah, I mean, I was 17, so I was still I was still a kid. Because I mean, even though 17 doesn't seem that young, I work with 17-year-olds.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

They say that their brains aren't even fully developed now until like 25 years old.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah. So mine took until about 40, 41. I was guessing. Still not even fully convinced, you know. How old am I? Yeah. Still not. If you've listened to this podcast, the first three episodes, you're probably like, we're not even sure we're there yet. So yeah, but I work with 17-year-olds and they're kids. Yeah. I don't care. You could, they might not think that.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

I still call my 21-year-old son a kid. He's a kid to be their kids.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

And he was definitely, I mean, he was probably like 36, 37, you know, but I told myself that I did that. You know, and then even the first guy, my was my best friend's dad. He I didn't, I knew he was at fault, but I also think that I put I would said that I have, and I've even said this recently that I painted a target on my own back by lying about fooling around with his son. And in a moment of stupidity with a group of girls, I said, Oh, you know, they had all done stuff with boys and I hadn't done anything. So I said, Oh, I did this with this boy. And he heard that and he was like, Oh, you're interested in sex. Huh. Okay. And I painted this target on my back. And so there, but but even in saying that, I was placing some of the blame on me rather than all of the blame on the person who who made that stupid decision. So I have to, I had to forgive myself. Yeah. For that's a hard one. Yeah. Forgiving yourself. Yeah. I mean, at least for that. I can't say I forgive myself for every bad decision I've ever made. But at least we're the because I've this has been four times over that I've been assaulted. That that those that in at least in those circumstances, I was not at fault. That was not my fault. And the minute I could really like wrap my head around that, like the anxiety about it went away. And I'm able to talk about it so much more openly and without without feeling triggered in any way about that.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

So we can definitely talk about that in uh another episode. Yeah, we'll have to talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

So for sure. And just to keep going on the faith. So the next line, which is about the dead religion. So this is a hot

Tombs We Walk Out Of: Addiction And Trauma

SPEAKER_01 24:10

topic for about churches, is that sometimes people treat church like it can be a chore and and instead of a personal relationship. So dead religion, too. I mean, I think with you know, that that just that feeling, like being the the checkbox Christian, that I have I take issue with that because I just don't think that you should get credit.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

I do because I'm not that person. I'm not that person either.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

That's why it's bothering me because it really is such a personal relationship. And I do know Christians, quote unquote Christians, yeah, who are like, well, I I read my Bible verse today. Yeah, I right I did the app, but they don't, or I do my my I say the Lord's Prayer and and that and call it a day. Yeah, you know, and it's like you claim to love God, but like, do you really spend time with him? Like I talk to God all the time. Yeah, we do. I cannot get enough of being in his word. I can't get enough of talking about it. And that's not to say you or I are better. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, but I think when you my point, I guess my point is that when you love someone, you want to spend it, you want to spend time with them. You want to learn about them. You're not just treating them like a genie that's there to solve your problems. And even when they are not doing what you want them to do and they're they're peeing you off, you are still in love with them. You still you yeah, you dig your heels in because I'm not going absolutely because I love this person, and so and how can you not give everything you have to someone who literally died a horrible, horrible, yeah, painful death?

SPEAKER_00 26:13

I started thinking about what if I get a job and I don't have the time that I have now to spend with him in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Do you mean you'll make you'll make it?

SPEAKER_00 26:21

I tell you, I spend like two hours sometimes in my different Bible studies and reading the Bible and stuff, and it's like, what if I find a job and I can't sit with you for I'm not yeah, I'm not gonna say you're gonna do what I do with getting up at four o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

But it's like wow, I I have to, I mean, I need that time in that day before my day starts, before I see my daughter, yeah, before I go into work, before I face whatever I have to face that day. I am I but it definitely should not be a chore. Spending time with him. No, it doesn't. I just want to sit with him. I need to. Oh the chair. So I tried this thing I saw on TikTok. I saw it on TikTok. Sorry, if that seems lame, but I did. Yeah, I saw on TikTok somebody said if you really want to try growing your relationship with God and you feel like you're kind of stuck, which I did at the time. I felt like I was in kind of a place where he wasn't answering me and I wasn't hearing from him, and even though I was in the word to talk to him and stuff, I just kind of felt like there was like a little bit of radio silence. And I just was lost. And they said, pull a chair up, an empty chair, and put it across from you. I love that. And imagine that he's in the chair. Yeah, I did not even get my butt in that seat, and I was a puddle, yeah, a puddle of tears. And I didn't even know I was upset about anything. I just was so glad to be sitting with him because I really do think he was sitting in that chair and was just like, hey, yeah, like we're sitting and having coffee together, and I didn't say anything, I didn't pray about anything. It was just, I just imagined that he and I were sitting in comfortable silence across from each other, and I was just so like, I'm so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

There's something in that though. We were at a recent prayer night at a local church, and the pastor said, Imagine, close your eyes and imagine just for a minute that you're crawling into his lap or that you're laying your head in his lap, or and I started crying right away, like because there's something so intimate about that. Yeah. And so by you doing that, yeah, what a warm and welcoming thought. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

That felt more natural to me than like, I mean, imagining putting, I mean, I guess it's different for everybody, but imagining putting my head in his lap would not that would not be a natural thing for me to do to somebody. But sitting across from them and

Forgiving Self And Reframing Blame

SPEAKER_01 28:48

just having them sit in the room with me, yeah, and then being able to be like, hi dad. Yeah, you know, like I, you know, this has been a hard year. Like, you know, I I miss my family. I don't know what you're what's going on here, and I know you can, I know you can. I believe there's that faith. Yeah, I believe you can do the things that I that you know in my heart that I want you to do. Absolutely. But I don't know that you want to.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Wow, that's that's powerful that you thought that or felt that. Yeah, don't know if you can.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

I think about that all the time. Your will, like it's your will. Is it your will? You had mentioned, like, are you sure that God wants that for you? Yeah, and I'm like, no, I really don't. I don't because if he did, he'd have done it. Because I know he can. How many stories are there in the Bible about women having babies, you know, well into their mature years? If God wants to do something, he will absolutely be able to do that. I have no doubt that he can.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

The whole job thing for me, a friend just said recently, are you sure that that's his will though, for you to do that? Maybe you're you're praying and hoping for that, yeah, but he's preparing you for something else, you know. So that's hard.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

We can't help sometimes but impart our desires onto him. Onto him. And you know, but but in you know, he sees the bigger picture, you know, just like when your kids ask you, like, hey, can I, you know, ride my bike down the road or whatever, and you know that that that road that they're about to go down doesn't have a stoplight, and that like people will be running that, running that road all the time. And you're you know, and then they're you're like, no, you can't do that. And they're like, Why are you trying to ruin this for me? I just want to have fun. Yeah, you why did you buy me a bike if you didn't want me to ride it? And that's like, but it's like he sees the bigger picture, we see the bigger picture, and I think really changing my perspective to seeing God as a parent and knowing that he is the ultimate parent. So obviously, he is like a like a parent on steroids, where I'm just a regular parent. And I think about my own relationship with my daughter in that like I want what's best for her, and sometimes what's best for her is not the thing that she wants. And sometimes I sometimes the answer is no. And I'm not trying to break her heart, and I'm not trying to hurt her feelings, and I do love her, but I know that the thing that is about that like that she that she wants is really not going to be good for her, and even sometimes no, not right now. Yeah, yeah, sometimes it isn't no, right not right now. Or you may you'll understand later why, you know, and and when I went through the infertility with God, you know, that whole situation, and I was so angry at him. I couldn't have even imagined a what had ha ended up happening. What he ended up doing and the way that he maneuvered the chess pieces on the board for me to get Aria, who's my daughter, by the way. I'm I've mentioned her name a few times. My daughter's name is Aria, but for us to get her the way that we did that created the testimony of testimonies. I mean, it it sounds almost like a movie. It's so absolutely such a crazy story that I couldn't have dreamt that up. So why do I think that God doesn't have a better plan than my plan, you know? And we so we're getting ready to do our first women's conference, and I'm gonna

Dead Religion Versus Living Relationship

SPEAKER_01 32:16

talk about that because that is a faith thing. This so was like the way Dion had mentioned to me when we ran into each other at the great banquet, which we've mentioned in previous episodes, we were at a religious retreat, and during our first real like get to know you conversation, you know, and like actually really spending time together, you know.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

She that was when we weren't supposed to be talking, we were supposed to be being quiet.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Right. She had come up to me and she's just like, I think Light the Way should do conferences. And I'm like, I don't think so, because we don't do conferences. If you've ever been to a Light the Way event, we do worship concerts in the park and we share the gospel through music. We don't do conferences, but it's that's interesting that you say that. I mean, it's an interesting idea. And she's like, I'm I'm just telling you, like, I think that this is a good direction for you. Now, before that whole weekend was even over, I had three conferences fully downloaded into my brain of how squirrel, that's that hamster on the wheel. I had, but it, but it's God. He was just like, Oh, here, here. And then I I had a building, I had worship leaders, I had speakers, I like everything that I would need for a successful conference, including uh an idea, was was put into my hands. And and I was like, oh my gosh, this is perfect. Because not only are we going to the point of the conference, it's called the Be the Light Women's Conference, it's going to empower is all about empowering women to follow the call that God places on their life, despite the lies of the enemy that tell us all the reasons why we can't do those things. So if you're interested, find likely on Facebook, there's a link. Anyway, so I was like, and not only are we going to do this great empowering thing and help all these women, which I love, but the the ticket cost, the money we'll raise from the tickets, that's actually gonna fund our initiatives this year. It's gonna pay for our worship events this year because I didn't know that we were gonna continue with Light the Way because I didn't know how we were gonna afford it. So I was like, oh, thank you, God, for giving me a way to support our ministry. Well, jokes on me. Yeah, because so we were selling tickets, everything was going fine. All of a sudden, I get this scripture in my head. Seek first the king or seek the king, seek first the kingdom. And I was like, and and I was seek first the kingdom, seek first the kingdom. And I'm like, what does that even mean? Because I'm still reading the Bible for the first time. So I'm like, where is that scripture? And it's in Matthew, and it's seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. And it's all about provision, it's about God's provision and trusting his provision, the way the birds in the air trust him to for food every day and the flowers, you know, like don't worry about what they're wearing. Like it's it's all about trusting him, him and his provision. And I'm like, So you want me to trust you? You want me to to to to try to have faith that you're going to provide. And God's like, Yeah, have and I provided every other time when you had the first worship night in the park. I I sent somebody to you that had the equipment. You didn't have to pay somebody for equipment. I sent someone to you who had equipment. And and so you had all the equipment you needed. I sent you the churches. And then after that, with the gala, we didn't know where we were gonna have the gala. I go on a job interview with my who is now my boss, the man who's now my boss. I went for a job and he ended up giving me the building I that I didn't ask for to host the gala. So we were able to help raise the money we needed for that year. And then with the with the 24-hour tent revival, I was picking up my daughter at a sleepover, and the dad happens to be the superintendent of Porter County Parks, and he gives me a farm for 24 hours. And then I called to tell one of the pastors of a church partner, and he's like, I have a tent. And I called another church pastor to tell her, Oh my god, we got a farm in a tent. And she said, I have the chairs. So God just keeps providing. So why when he's called me knowing my financial

Loving God Beyond Checkboxes

SPEAKER_01 36:20

situation, why don't I trust him to provide the things that I need to put on these initiatives that he's placed on my heart to do? Why am I always trying to problem solve for him? Yeah, like he's not better at it than I am. Faith. Faith. He wanted faith. He wanted an exhibition of faith. So I said, We're not charging for the conference. Yeah. My husband shocked your team. Oh, shocked my team? Didn't really shock me, but no, you were like, let's go. I was like, you know, do it, do it, do it, pull the trigger. And she shocked the team, shocked my husband. Yeah, he was like, Okay, well, that's great, right? You know, but I know that I know that I know that this is the right thing to do. And I've already seen the fruit of that. Yes. Because one of the people on the team was waiting to pull the trigger on something that is going to be incredibly impactful. And she was like, When you told me that that you were going to do this and you were leaning into God and you were having faith, yeah, I decided I was going to do the same thing and I'm going to pull this trigger on this thing that I've been wanting to do. And I know that I can because of because of you. And not because of me, but because God put this on my heart to do it and I was obedient. Right. Now, her now and the ripple effect of these 80 women that are going to be at this conference also stepping into their faith and doing what God is calling them to do, imagine what could happen. Imagine the change in the world.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

It's going to be beautiful. It's going to be so beautiful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

So I sorry, I got a little off. I go on these tangents, so I apologize. But I do want to say that, you know, when there's a line in the song that says, when something says I'm not worthy, I'll point to the empty grave. Focus, and it focuses on how our worth is based on Christ's victory, not our performance. And faith is like that too. We have faith because we know that Jesus died, and it's not just that he died, but that he rose again. We can have faith because God has proven himself to be faithful and worthy of our faith and our praise and our worship. So that is why I chose Back to Life by Bethel. I am so grateful that you guys came to listen to us talk about that today. And I hope that you guys were blessed and encouraged by that conversation. I know, again, sorry, I do go, I have a tendency to go off on a little bit of a tangent, but I am so passionately in love with God.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Yeah. And it's okay, I'll raise the invisible lasso to get you back.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Yeah, no, and I appreciate that. Somebody's somebody's gotta do it. So you can teach my husband how to do that. I'm sure he'll appreciate that. Anyway, I'm gonna actually have Dion, if you don't mind, I'm gonna put you on the spot and have you close us in prayer. Oh Lord, she's literally putting me in prayer. I really am. You didn't have anything written down. So nope. Nope. I had to do it, so you do too. We're gonna rip the band-aid off and we're gonna get uncomfortable together for the Lord. So thank you guys so much. And we'll be back next week. Dean's gonna close some prayer in just a minute, but next next week we're gonna talk about Dean's gonna teach teach me a hymn. I don't know what hymn we're doing, but we're bringing it back to the old school because that is the foundation.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Yeah, we decided one podcast during each series will have a hymn. So then and I like. That's I'll explain more about that when we do that episode. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

So we thank you again for being with us this week. And we will see you next week. And we're going to get closed in prayer.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Father God, thank you for bringing us together today and for

The Empty Chair: Practicing God’s Presence

SPEAKER_00 40:17

just lighting the way for us for moving those mountains, for giving us even a mustard seed of faith. Doesn't have to be grandiose.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

We just need to know that we can come to you with our hearts open and our minds willing to receive you and your word.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

And coffee around the Bible and listening to worship music and enjoying all these things together.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Thank you for the listeners. Bless us today and going forward into the week.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. You should create. Wow. Yeah. Super cool. Okay, yeah. So that was yeah, that's a hard one for me.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Oh, no, that was awesome. Look at us growing in our faith. Thanks for thanks for being with us. We I am Leon. Oh, a Leon.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Together we're Leon. The theory in the night. This girl, she's Lena. I'm Dion. And until next week, blessings on you all.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

I'm gonna be dead from laughter. Hopefully good day. Bye bye.