How to Become a True Man: Insights from Mike Van Pelt

In today’s fast-paced world, many men grapple with questions of identity and purpose. In this post, we delve into a conversation with Mike Van Pelt, an entrepreneur, author, and life coach, who shares his journey of establishing the True Man Life Coaching and podcast. You’ll learn how Mike’s understanding of manhood is deeply rooted in faith and community, and how you can apply these insights to your own life.

About Mike Van Pelt

Mike Van Pelt is the founder of True Man Life Coaching and the host of the True Man Podcast. With a mission to help men become better fathers, husbands, and individuals, Mike draws from his personal experiences and spiritual journey to guide others in their quest for authentic manhood. His insights are invaluable for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of what it means to be a true man in today’s society.

The Birth of the True Man Podcast

Mike shares that the inspiration for the True Man Podcast came during a lunch meeting with a friend, who, like him, was searching for more meaning in life. Although their initial intention was to start a networking group, they quickly realized they needed a space for men to explore deeper questions. Mike highlights, "We realized that we were both searching for something more…that connection with Christ."

This quest led to the formation of the True Man group, emphasizing the importance of accountability and support among men. The podcast serves as a platform to discuss various topics that resonate with men, including identity, faith, and family.

Embracing Your Identity in Christ

One of the core themes discussed is the challenge many men face in tying their identity to their careers. Mike reflects on his own experience, stating, "I thought my identity was tied to my job. If we're not careful, we get caught up in the identity of the job rather than who our identity is really in, which is Christ."

This realization is crucial for men looking to break free from societal pressures and find true fulfillment. Mike encourages men to evaluate their self-worth and to understand that their value comes from their relationship with Christ, not their professional achievements. By fostering an intimate relationship with God, men can experience a sense of freedom and purpose that transcends their daily struggles.

The Importance of Family and Communication

Another significant aspect of Mike’s message is the importance of family and open communication. He emphasizes the need to gather around the dinner table, where real conversations can happen. "In the United States, we’ve gotten away from our roots that made us great—God, family, and country."

He believes that the dinner table is where children learn essential life skills and values from their parents. Mike advises that in order to foster meaningful communication, distractions like cell phones should be put away, allowing for genuine eye-to-eye contact and connection. This practice not only strengthens family bonds but also teaches children how to engage in constructive dialogue.

Facing Spiritual Warfare

Mike stresses the reality of spiritual warfare in our daily lives. He describes how every morning presents a battle against negative thoughts and distractions. "The devil is always trying to take us off our game. And once you understand that, you need to arm yourself."

He advocates for a proactive approach to spiritual health, encouraging listeners to start their day with prayer and positive affirmations. Mike emphasizes that maintaining a God-centered mindset is essential in overcoming challenges and living a fulfilling life. He states, "When you begin to bring all those things together, you’re going to be living the life that you want to live."

Key Takeaways

• Identity in Christ: Understand that your worth is not tied to your job but to your relationship with God.
• Family Matters: Create space for meaningful conversations with your family, especially around the dinner table.
• Spiritual Preparedness: Arm yourself with prayer and positive affirmations to face daily challenges.

By applying these principles, men can embark on a transformative journey toward authentic manhood, characterized by faith, community, and personal growth.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Today on the 40 Days of Reconciliation podcast we have a special guest, Mike Van Bert. He's an entrepreneur, author speaker, and a men's life coach leader. He's the founder of True Man Life Coaching and has a popular podcast for men, the True Man Podcast. That podcast has an interesting title. So, first of all, you're welcome, Mike.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah, well, I'll tell you where the title comes from. It's quite a um good story. Uh so I when I was really uh searching for my identity and what I wanted to do in the world, I uh was actually started doing some business consulting and met a man at a networking group, and uh we weren't 100% sure that we liked the way that networking group was going, and we thought we we came to lunch, we realized we had a common cause, and we thought, well, let's start our own networking group. But here's the funny part about it, Emmanuel. We never got that group started, it turned into a men's group almost immediately because we realized that we were both searching for more in our lives, and we didn't know what that more was, but we just knew that between the two of us we were searching for something more, and I think it was that connection with Christ for sure. But so we started our group, and you know, at a certain point we decided, well, we need to name the group, and we we searched, you know, everything. And I was reading through the Bible one day, and it what stood out to me was Jesus Christ walk on earth as a true man. And, you know, when we started talking about it, you know, it seemed rather obvious to us that Jesus Christ was the ultimate role model, and that if we were gonna be the man that we wanted to be, that's what we needed to follow. Now, I think we all know we're not gonna achieve perfection on this earth, right? We're sinners, but Jesus Christ has given us the playbook. And so hence we um started calling our group True Man, and I'm not some marketing genius, but it just made sense to call it the True Man Podcast, True Man Life Coaching, and I've since put a book out called True Man True Ways, a roadmap of discovery to the masculine heart. And so this whole idea of becoming a true man is really following Jesus and what he did and what he role modeled, and that's really where the name comes from.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

That's amazing. And what are the topics you usually cover in this podcast? And what link do you use? Some people are hearing us, they might want to visit your podcast.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Well, you know, if you go to true man podcast, T-R-U-E-M-A-N, True Manpodcast.com, it'll take you basically right out to my website. But that's where you can connect. And on my website, you can connect with whatever platform you use, whether it's you know Apple or Spotify or whatever, and uh it's on all major platforms. But essentially, um, at least over the last year and a half, I've moved from uh uh uh interviewing guests, which I actually really love, to a solo podcast because I felt like that there were so many different topics that you know I wanted to cover. And so, for example, um, and they're all designed to help men be better men, better dads, and better fathers. I mean, you know, we're all kind of going through the same stuff, but lately I'm beginning to more focus on the dinner table. What are dinner table topics? Why do we need to get around the dinner table? You know, in the United States, um we're all strung out. We're doing everything from A to Z, and we're moving way too fast, and we've gotten away from our roots that made really the United States great in the first place, which is God, family, and country. And if we're gonna do that, get back to that, I believe one of the the most important places we can get to is the dinner table. This is where our kids um learn from their parents, learn from their father. How do you um how do you behave? How do you solve for things? How do you communicate? Uh, and of course, you know, that part of that communication, I know not everybody's gonna like this. You're gonna have to put your cell phone down or just leave it away from the dinner table. You should be focused on eye-to-eye contact and communication. But really, I it it above and beyond that, Emmanuel, what I talk about a lot really stems from, you know, the evolution that I've come to as a Christian over my entire life. Uh, I thought that that was all I needed. And really, when I had God come into my life at one point and said, He spoke to me and said, I want you're my beloved son, and I want an intimate relationship with you. And that was about seven years ago. And I began to explore what does this idea of intimate relationship really mean? And how do I get closer to God? Because here's the thing, guys, God is always running towards you. The question really is, are you running towards him? Are you pulling up a chair every morning and saying, God, let's sit down and have a conversation, let's talk, and really building that relationship that he wants to have. It's an open invitation. And so I've really set out to discover that for myself. And, you know, wisdom is not necessarily, you know, what you attain, that's a piece of it. The wisdom is how do you send that out into the world and give that to people that may not know what I know? And so I don't know that I give men shortcuts. I don't know that I like that term, but the whole idea here is hey, if if I could help you out and give you a shortcut so you don't go the direction that I went in, that's what the whole goal is. And we want to get people to get closer to to Christ because if they're and we want them to take a look at themselves, their own self-development. When you go take a hard look in the mirror, you're probably gonna find something you don't like. Now, the question becomes, what are you going to do about it? You know, and if you're the type of person that says, I want to be the best person I can be, you'll take action on it and you'll do it with and through the support of God. And so all those things come into play. And I talk about all kinds of topics under the sun uh in relation to all that.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

And I usually usually I don't talk so much about several programs or podcasts during our own podcast. But I I came across I came across uh a definition of what you do here that you help men become the best man, dad, and husband they can be. Uh yeah. Uh so I hope that people will be able to connect with you after this podcast. I mean, through your podcast, go to your website, uh because this is really a God-given uh topic that you're handling, and thank you so much for I think you also help men discover their freedom in Christ. And what does life the life of freedom look like?

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Well, commonly, at least what I experienced for a long time, was um I went through a period where I thought my identity was tied to my job. And I think this is a common thing that people in general go through. I think it's something that men um go through quite a bit. So it's not unusual if you go to an event or you meet somebody, right? They're gonna ask your name, you tell them your name, and then that's quickly and immediately followed up by what do you do? And so this becomes an identity for us. And if we're not careful and we're, you know, we don't fully embrace the fact that Christ is our Lord and Savior, and uh you will get caught up in the identity of the job rather than whose your identity is really in, which is Christ. And so I experienced this. I went through a long period of this. Most of my life was tied to what I was doing, my job, and all of these outside things. And so what that causes is you wear a mask, or we get into these phrases where you might hear somebody say, fake it until you make it. Um, you know, you're not authentic, you're not real, you're always trying to become the person that you're that you're not, right? The house, the big cars, all the stuff, you know, and it really means nothing because oh, and by the way, here's a dirty little secret you don't take any of that with you when you die. And so it it we just turn it right back into God, and so you know, your identity is tied to Christ. And when you begin to understand that and you take your hands off the wheel, right? We're always trying to white knuckle our way through lives, gripping the wheel tight. We want to be in control, God is in control, and so when you lessen that grip and you start listening for his voice, you will begin to experience more freedom. And I am a hundred percent convinced, had I not done that, I wouldn't be sitting here talking with you today. I wouldn't have a podcast, I wouldn't have written a book, I wouldn't be speaking, I wouldn't be doing the things that I was doing because um, you know, I wasn't fulfilled inside. So everybody's definition of freedom and more is going to be a little bit different, but I think the biggest thing you can do to fill the void is to begin to have that intimate relationship with Christ.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Listening to you uh makes me uh think you were uncomfortable living your life without serving Christ.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

I would I would, yeah, uh there are two kinds of uncomfortable, right? I knew I was uncomfortable because something was missing. Now, here's what happens when you become successful. You live in some degree of discomfort all the time, and you get comfortable with uncomfortable because I'm always in action right now, I'm always moving. There's some degree of of um risk in that, but that's calculated risk. And so, you know, we live in a world at war, Emmanuel. And what do I mean by that? Not the kind of war you guys sometimes experience in Uganda. I'm talking about a spiritual battle, right? The devil is always trying to take us off our game. And so every morning when your feet hit the floor and you get out of bed, the devil wants to try to take you out. As a man, he wants to take you out a number of different things. He knows the devil knows that you're the head of the family. And if he can take you out, he can take down the family. So you first have to know that there's a spiritual war going on. And once you understand that, you gotta armor up. What does that mean? Well, you better be with God, you better be in prayer with God, and you better know what you need to do to arm yourself for the day. You need to have, you need to be a positive mindset and you need to self-talk your way through the day, you know. And I know that sounds funny to some people, but you know, I I it's important that you be in the right frame of mind. Some people will say, Well, I want to be clear-headed. I don't want to be clear headed, I want to be God-headed. I want to know that God's leading the way. I want my head filled with the spirit, I want my lips filled with the spirit, and I want to be a light and an example. And when you begin to bring all those things together, you're gonna be living the life that you want to live. Now, is that comfortable? No. In fact, the more I lead in, the more I lean into this, the more uncomfortable it come becomes. Why? Because the spiritual warfare becomes more intense. The devil doesn't like me talking the way that I'm talking to your audience right now, Emmanuel. And so he wants to attack me. He wants me to be in doubt, he wants me to think I'm not worthy, and so you know, we fight that by leaning into God even more.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

In your search for personal identity uh in Christ and finding your purpose, you ended up uh establishing this uh credible men's group. Do you feel like your cast for your purpose and identity in Christ is fulfilled now?

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Oh, yeah, fulfilled. It's fulfilling to do what I'm doing. But here's what's interesting, Emmanuel. I'm a long way from complete on this. I'm still fulfilling God's call. And here's what I mean by that things keep coming up, people keep coming into my life. And in the example is a couple of years ago, I was a part of a collaborative book effort, and I wrote a chapter called The Power of Asking for Help. And when I wrote that chapter, uh it was a lot about me, about my life from early childhood, the age of six, where really I stopped asking for help, stopped raising my hand and asking for help. And when you do that, you don't ask good and powerful questions. And if you don't ask good and powerful questions, you're not gonna get good and powerful answers. And so I took that with me on it into an adult life, and that's really what the story is about. And a lot of us, a lot of us don't ask for help. We think we can figure it all out on our own. So anyway, I wrote that I wrote that chapter and I kind of put it aside and I thought that is probably gonna be a great keynote speech. And uh last summer, as a matter of fact, after I put my book out, I realized over the last couple of years I'd been talking with a lot of people and they had a lot of questions about the power of asking for help. And I thought we need to bring this back and we need to start working on a keynote speech, and I need to get to the front of the room right now and start delivering this. And so I called a very good friend, um, Scott Schilling, who's an amazing man, um, has spoken on stages um uh all his life, professional speaking. And I said, Scott, I think I have something here, but I really need to develop it and I want to work with you. You're the best. I want to be the best. We need to deliver the best. Him and I began working together on this keynote speech called The Power of Asking for Help. And really what has developed out of that is right now we're in the process of working on what we've uh called the American Family Summit, where we're bringing together some very powerful men and speakers um to do a half-day summit on how men can be more focused on asking for help, asking for God's help and help them to to to get back to the values of God, family, and country. And and so I bring all that up to say, Emmanuel, what is happening to me as a result of getting my mind right, getting closer to God, is that this um everything that I'm working on continues to evolve and grow. And so I get more connected with the right people. I find myself, uh, my message zeroing in on what the message needs to be so that we get directly to our audience and we're able to help them. And so I'm fulfilled because God is at the center of this, God is moving this and God is pushing it all forward, but it's still a work in progress, which is fascinating to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Yes, you mentioned about the dinner table topics. Uh yeah, I would like us to go back to that uh and learn from the experience. Yeah, it must be uneasy bringing every member of the family onto the table at the specific time. What how does the experience look like? You know what's funny because as you answer, there are many people who say we really need to establish a family altar. Many people call it a family altar. For us here, we call it the family devotion. I I think for you you have called it the dinner table. So, yes. So so you are going to help many people through your experience.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah, you know, it's it's interesting, and I I realize that the world has changed over the last uh 30, 40 years. But when I was growing up, my mom, uh, I had two younger brothers, and so there were five of us. And what's amazing is we weren't unlike anybody else, right? We always had after school activities and a lot going on. But as I reflected on this whole idea of being around the dinner table, it it became abundantly clear to me that there were very few nights, even though we were all going different directions at certain points while we were growing up, that we landed at the dinner table. And, you know, even for you know, my own family have had two kids that are um, I just had a son graduate from college and um uh my daughter is in college. And so we don't get those um uh dinners uh uh anymore because um, you know, my daughter's not at home. However, um, you know, as as an example, she's been home over spring break at the time we're recording this. And so, you know, outside of having dinner together, what else can you do at the table? Well, we had family game night the other night, you know, and when so we sat around and we played games at the table. To your point, what else can you do at the table? You can have devotion at the table, you can read the Bible at the table, you could just flat out sit to the at the table and enjoy each other's company. And I think this is critically important. You know, social media and the internet have really brought to light a number of different things. Um and and a lot of it is not good. So, you know, how the amount of friends you have on Facebook is not gonna matter on the day of your death. It's just not gonna matter. And so you have to ask yourself on the day that I and I know this probably sounds morbid. Um, I will tell you that one of the things that kick-started my self-development was going through the process of writing my own obituary. What do you want to be known as the day you die? Who do you want to be known as the day you die? Who do you want to be surrounded by? Who you you better know your maker and you better you you you better be right. But here's the thing: the day you die, you're not gonna be surrounded by your Facebook friends, you're going to be surrounded by the people you're sitting around the dinner table with. Why wouldn't you want to spend time with them? Why wouldn't you want to get to know them and love on them and support them? And so we all have different ideas, for sure. Um, I've seen, you know, families completely split apart because of political differences. That doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense to me. Um, maybe we should be praying more for the opposing party, whoever the opposing party is for you. Maybe we should be praying for the people that we um have disagreements with. Maybe we should offer grace and forgiveness more. And this is something that I'm taking stock of for myself. But getting around the dinner table, I I, you know, I remember growing up, everything was around the dinner table. You know, both my grandmothers, my great-grandmother. If we went over to their house, where were we? We were around the dinner table, we were playing games together, we were hearing stories from the dinner table. This is where relationships are built. This is where your children learn how to become adults and mature. And um, if you're not doing it, you're you're you're missing a very important ingredient, I believe.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Two more aspects before we close. You mentioned asking for God's help. Uh, why should men important as they are ask for help from anyone, including Jesus himself?

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Well, you better ask for help from Jesus because you need it, and he wants you to ask for help. Uh, the beautiful part about uh intimate relationship with Christ is uh, and I always say he's running to you nonstop. God has an open invitation, he wants to hear from you, he wants, and I and I commonly get asked, well, Mike, I don't know how to pray. Just talk. Do you know how to talk? Just talk, you know, just ask him to sit with you. Um the power of asking for help f uh from other people uh as well is and I've I've started wording it this way: you will never know what's on the other side of the ask if you never ask. What would be lost if you didn't ask? Could it be a relationship? Could it be money? Could it be a house? Could it be, you know, all these things. And so one of the things that I've commonly seen men do is that we suppress our feelings, we suppress our emotions. And we think that we'll figure it all out on our own, but I have news for you you don't typically find it out on your own. And asking for help is not a position of weakness, it is actually a position of strength where you can seek out wisdom from another person, another man. And you can gain that wisdom. And I gotta tell you, at this point in my life, when I get wisdom from somebody, I can't run out into the world. World fast enough to pass it on. It's exciting to me to gain that wisdom and that knowledge so that I can pass it on and help people better their best. And I think that asking for help and asking questions are two of the most powerful things that a man can do in his life.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

As we end, as we come to the end of this podcast, what is your final message for people especially who feels uh they don't really need to ask for help?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Just give it a shot. Give it a shot. Is there an area in your life where you don't feel like you're performing your best? And is there somebody that you can go to that is experiencing success in that area? You know, you want to get, you will become the people that you surround yourself with. And I begin to, I've always known that to be true, but I have found that to be more and more and more. You will become the person that you surround yourself with. Your goal is to get around people that are now hear this better than you. They will lift you up and you will improve and develop and become a better person as a result of getting around those people. And guess what happens when you do that? You get to pass it on too.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure hosting you on the World Days of Reconciliation podcast. You're always welcome.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

God bless. Thank you, Emmanuel.