Overcoming Obstacles, How to Keep Going When Life Tries to Stop You

About This Episode

Obstacles are part of every person’s story. But here’s the truth that most people miss: the biggest obstacle you will ever face is usually not the circumstance in front of you. It’s the story you start telling yourself about it.

In this episode, Vivia gets real about the internal narratives that keep us stuck, names the three obstacles that show up most often in personal growth, shares a personal story about a season when everything felt like it was falling apart, and hands you a practical five-tool Resilience Toolkit you can start using today.

 KEY TAKEAWAYS

What to Remember From This Episode

1.  The biggest obstacle is often the story you tell yourself. Before the circumstance can be addressed, the narrative needs attention.

2.  Fear of failure is universal — and it is not a stop sign. Failure is evidence of growth, not proof of inadequacy.

3.  Comparison will rob you of the joy available to you right now. You cannot stay in your lane if you are always looking at someone else’s.

4.  Asking for help is wisdom, not weakness. The healing that happens when you stop white-knuckling it alone is not small. It is life-changing.

5.  Resilience is a skill, not a personality trait. It is built brick by brick — one hard moment survived at a time.

6.  You have already survived 100% of your worst days. That is the evidence. That is the proof. That is your resilience.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

🔍 Tool 1 — Name the Story When you hit an obstacle, pause and ask: What story am I telling myself about this right now? Naming the narrative takes away its power. You are not the story. You are the person watching it — and once you see it, you can choose to rewrite it.

⏰ Tool 2 — The Five-Minute Rule Set a timer for five minutes. Give yourself full permission to feel the feeling — vent, cry, be frustrated. When the timer goes off, take a breath and ask: What is the one next step I can take right now? Just one. You do not have to solve the whole thing.

 📝 Tool 3 — Collect Your Evidence When your brain says “you cannot do this,” that is a thought, not a fact. Write down three times you faced something hard and came out the other side. Three times you showed up even when it was difficult. Use that evidence.

 🌬️ Tool 4 — Regulate Before You Respond Decisions made from a dysregulated nervous system are almost never your best ones. Before you respond to the hard thing, breathe first. Box breathing: four counts in, hold four, out four, hold four. Simple. Physiological. It works.

 👥 Tool 5 — Build Your Board You need a personal board of directors — three to five people who know you, love you, and are honest with you. Not a big circle. The right people. Therapy, community, faith spaces, and growth groups are all places to find your people if that circle feels thin right now.

Reflection Questions

• Which of the Big Three resonates most with you right now: fear of failure, comparison, or resistance to asking for help? What would it look like to take one step through it?
• What is the “one next step” you have been avoiding? What would it feel like to take it today?

Connected Conversations is a heart-centered podcast hosted by Vivia M. Brown, Licensed Professional Counselor and life coach. Each episode creates space for honest conversations about mental health, healing, relationships, and personal growth—without the pressure to have it all together.

This podcast is for educational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are in crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local emergency number or a crisis hotline in your area.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to Connective Conversations. And I am so glad you're here with me today. If you are new, my name is Vivia M. Brown. I am a licensed professional counselor and someone who has learned a thing or two about obstacles the hard way. Like the very hard way. We're talking, oh my God, are you serious right now? Hard. If you have been rocking with me since episode one, you already know we do not do service level conversations here. We go real. We go deep sometimes. And we go there together. So today we are talking about something that every single person listening has either already faced or is currently facing or is about to face. Obstacles. Now I know the word itself sounds a little motivational poster on a gym wall-ish. But I promise you, today is not that. This is not just keep going champ kind of episode. This is going to be real, it is going to be practical. And if I do my job right, by the time we are done, you are going to feel less alone and a whole lot more equipped. All right, so let's get straight into it. Here is what nobody tells you about. The biggest obstacle is not the thing that already happened to you. It is the story that you start telling yourself about the thing that has happened to you. Now, think about that for a second. Imagine you lose a job. And the obstacle is not the job loss. The obstacle is a voice in your head that immediately says, This happened because I'm not good enough. This is the proof that I was never supposed to succeed, and I should have known better. Imagine going through a breakup. Now, the obstacle here is not the breakup. The obstacle is the part that whispers to you, this keeps happening because something is fundamentally wrong with me. Another example, you fail at something, and instead, what can I learn here? You say I knew it. I'm just a failure. I can't win, no matter how much I try. Y'all, that right there, that internal narrative is the hardest obstacle most of us will ever face. And we don't even clock it as an obstacle because it sounds so much like the truth. But here is what I know as a therapist and as someone who has sat with my own mess. The story is not always the truth, it is just the first draft. And first drafts are almost never the final version. So before we talk about external obstacles, the circumstances, the setbacks, the things that feel like the universe is conspiring against you, I need you to hear this. The obstacle in your mind is the one that needs the most. And that is exactly where we're going to. Okay, so when we talk about personal growth, whether it is healing from something, building something new, working on your relationships, your mental health, your career, whatever it is, there are three obstacles that come up again and again. And I'm gonna call them the big three. And I want to walk through each one because I am willing to bet at least one of them is living rent-free in your life right now. So let's talk about the first obstacle. Fear. Now, fear of failure might be the most universal human experience there is. And our brains are wired to avoid pain. And failure, especially public failure, feels painful. It feels like rejection, like proof that we aren't enough. But here is what I want you to consider. What if failure was not the opposite of success? What if it was a part of the path? Think about a baby learning to walk. Nobody looks at a baby falling down and says, Well, that's it. That kid is not a walker. No, we don't do that. We chair for them. We say, Come on, try again. And they do over and over and over again, until one day they're running through the house, touching everything they're not supposed to touch. So at some point, between toddlerhood and adulthood, we get the idea that falling down is embarrassing. That making mistakes means something terrible about who we are. And we have been running from that feeling ever since. Now think about reframing that thought. Failure is not the opposite of growth. It is the evidence of it. I'll say it again. Failure is not the opposite of growth. It is the evidence of it. Now let's talk about obstacle two. Comparison. Oh, comparison. My friend and my enemy. Can we just be honest about how exhausting it is to live in the age of social media and try to feel okay about your own life? Everybody's highlight reel is on full display all the time. And your brain, which remember is wired for threat detection, is looking at someone else's curated, filtered, best day ever post and going. Why don't I have that? What is wrong with me? Why am I so far behind? Now, here is a cruel irony. You are comparing your behind the scenes to their highlight reel. Now, that is not a fair comparison. That is not even the same game. I want to offer you a mentor once said to me, and it hit me like a truck in the best possible way. She said, Vivian, you cannot stay in your lane if you are always looking at theirs. Your path is yours. Your timeline is yours. And comparison, while human and understandable, will rob you of the joy that is available to you right now if you let it. All right, people. Obstacle three. Resistance to asking for help. Now, this one is personal for me. As a therapist, I literally help people for a living. And I still at times struggle to ask for help. Because somewhere in me, there is a voice that says, you should be able to figure it out on your own. Sounds familiar? We have been sold this story, especially in certain communities and certain families that needn't help his weakness. That struggling is something to hide. That being vulnerable is something to be ashamed of. But I have seen what happens when people actually let someone in. When they stop trying to do it all alone, when they walk into therapy or call a trusted friend, or finally say out loud, I am not okay, and I need support. The healing that happens in that space, it is not small. It is massive. It is life-changing. And it would not have been possible if they had kept insisting they could do it alone. Asking for help is not weakness, it is wisdom, it is courage. And sometimes it is the bravest thing you will ever do. Now, I want to tell you a story, and this one is real. This is mine. Now, there was a season in my life where everything I had been building, everything, professionally, personally, the ground just felt unsteady. I remember sitting in my car in a parking lot, not going anywhere, just sitting there. Because I didn't have the energy to go inside. I was pouring into everyone around me. My clients, my family, my work, and I completely emptied myself. I had nothing left. And you want to know the scary part? I didn't even realize how depleted I was until I was already running on fumes. And my very first thought was not, how do I take care of myself? My very first thought was, well, what is wrong with me? I should be stronger than this. But there it is. The internal struggle, the internal obstacle, right on cue. Now, you would think that as a therapist, I would be immune to that kind of self-criticism. But nope. The cobblers' kids have no shoes. I was so busy helping their obstacles that I had stopped paying attention to my own. Now, what pulled me through was not one dramatic moment. It was not some big breakthrough where everything all of a sudden made sense. It was a series of very small intentional decisions. I asked for help, not from my clients, from my own support system. I leaned into my faith, my therapist. I started being honest with myself about what I could and could not carry. And I gave myself permission finally to not be okay for a minute. To just be human. And slowly the ground started to feel steady again. Not because the circumstances magically changed, but because I changed how I was showing up in those circumstances, in those moments. And I am telling you this because I want you to know whoever is listening right now and feeling like you're in that moment that you are not alone, not even close. And the fact that you are here, listening, engaging, looking for something to hold on to, that is not weakness. That is exactly the kind of strength that gets people through. Let's get practical because I believe in giving you something to actually do, not just something to think about. So think of this as your resilience toolkit. Five tools: effective and free. You do not need a therapist couch or a 10-day retreat to use these. Just the willingness to try them. So the first tool I'm gonna talk about is named a story. When you hit an obstacle before you react, pause and ask yourself, what story am I telling myself about this right now? Just naming it takes some of its power away. You are not the story, you are the person watching it. And once you see it, you can choose to rewrite it. Now here's a second tool: the five-minute rule. This is one of my favorite for when things feel catastrophic. Now set a timer for five minutes. Feel it, vent, cry, be frustrated, all of it. Full permission to feel the feeling. When the timer goes off, you take a breath and you ask yourself, what is the one next step I can take right now? Just one. You don't have to solve the whole thing. Just one step. Now, here is the third step, the third tool. Collect your evidence. When your brain says, you cannot do this, that is a thought, not a fact. So collect the evidence. Write down three times in your life when you faced something hard and came out on the other side. Three times you showed up even when it was difficult. Three times you were more resilient than you thought you were. That evidence is real. Use it. Tool number four. Regulate before you respond. When we are in the middle of an obstacle, our nervous system is often dysregulated. We are in flight, we're in fight, flight, or freeze mode. And making decisions from that place, I don't care how smart you are, those decisions are almost never your best ones. So before you respond to the hard thing, take a breath. So here is what we call box breathe in. Four counts in, hold your breath for four, out for four, hold for four. It sounds small, but is genuinely psychological. And it works. You four counts in, breathe in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. All right, tool number five. Build your board. I cannot stress this one enough. You need your personal board of directors. Three to five people in your life who knows you, who loves you, who are honest with you, and who will not just tell you what you want to hear. Think about this is not about having a big circle. It is about having the right people in your corner. And if right now you feel like that circle is thin, that's okay. That is actually information about where to invest next. Therapy, community, faith spaces, growth groups, there are more places to find your people than you might realize. Look, resilience is not a personality trait that you either have or you don't have. It is a skill. It is built brick by brick by decision. One hard moment survived at a time. And every single person listening right now has already survived one hundred percent of their worst days. So let that sink in. Every single bad day you thought might break you, you're still here. That is resilience, even when it didn't feel like it. So before I let you go, I want to do something that I love doing. I want to hear from you because here's the truth. The most powerful thing about this community is not what I say, it is what you share with each other, your stories, your heart, the moments you almost gave up and didn't. So here is my invitation to you. Share your obstacle story. Head to our Instagram at Connective Counseling Services, drop it in the comments, send a DM, or tag us in your post. Tell me what is an obstacle you have. What is one you are currently in the middle of that you might be fighting through right now? Listen, you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be honest. And I promise you, your honesty might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. Because that is what connection does. That is what community does. It reminds us that none of us are doing this alone, even when it feels. If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who needs it. You would be surprised how many people in your orbit are quietly navigating something hard right now and have no idea is available to them. Take care of yourself and each other. Bye for now and stay connected.