Loving Her God's Way.

​In this episode, we dive deep into the beautiful, messy, and sanctifying journey of Christian relationships. Whether you are currently single and seeking, dating with intention, or decades into a marriage, this conversation explores what it truly means to center your union on the Gospel.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

All right, guys. Here's the intro to our new our third podcast. Praise God. We're uh we got a good lineup for y'all to uh today. But we're gonna start it off with prayer. So I'm gonna let my brother JR here open us up in prayer.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Thank you, Victor and Peter. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I thank you for giving me this opportunity to pray over this podcast. And that you let the listeners out there have an open heart and mind over what Pastor Furman and Pastor Sammy have to preach. I ask that you continue to let this podcast grow and let all who are listening learn from the Word today and help guide them to allow you, Jesus, to be in their relationships. In Jesus' name, amen and amen.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

And amen. Here we go. So I want to start this off with a little quote that I heard. It's gonna sound familiar to y'all. But no matter where you are in your relationship, always take the chance to learn more.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

I I heard that here at this church, and I'm telling you, every chance we get, I'm grabbing for those classes, those teachings, just to be with that presence of someone who knows more. And yeah, I just want to start this off with that. I'm Victor.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

I'm Peter over the men's group.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Pastor Furman over the marriage groups, and also pulpit minister. Pastor Sammy, also uh work side by side with Pastor Furman, the couples, and also minister the word.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Amen. So, guys, like always, this is also you know, our podcast to reach as many men as we can. Because we know, of course, we're like we've spoken in other places, uh, other podcasts that not all men are comfortable yet entering the church, which that's fine. And we're trying to just kind of lay lay, you know, lay down the foundation that you know you don't have to be perfect to come to church, you know. So, so we're gonna try to reach men via via the podcast and and just let you know, hey, come as you are, right? And today we have a privilege, right? Since we're we're men's group, and sometimes men struggle with things, you know, opening up to wives or opening up, you know, emotionally altogether, right? We have our Pastor Furman and Pastor Sammy, which they are over the marital groups. They do sermons in the sanctuary, of course. They got a lot of knowledge under their belt. So we're gonna we got blessed with you guys today, right? Amen. So I guess like the first question I want to ask for you guys, right? Of course, you know, a lot of men struggle with emotions. What is that that you see when you speak, let's just say, to men or to couples?

SPEAKER_05 2:29

So, like I I think, you know, we when we discussed this earlier. I I think you know, the culture pushes or drives how we think, and we we see one side of it and we want to stick to that one side, right? You know, men never cry, men don't show emotion, you know, men are strong, you know, you know, have pride in yourself. I I think we carry those things a little bit too far, you know. We're supposed to be all those things, we're supposed to be strong. Yeah, we're supposed to, you know, have a sense of pride about it, but we can't carry it so far that that our heart is closed, especially to the ones that we call wives, right? Yeah, or or even if you're in a in a committed relationship with a girlfriend, you know, we still have to open our heart. They they need to see our heart, you know, because a lot of the things is you know, the culture drives us, but also maybe growing up, you know, in instances we've had we've had things that have come up in our lives and we've been wounded somehow. That's right, and we've never been healed from that, you know, and and that affects also a relationship with our Father in heaven. That's right. Uh so we've been wounded and we think that nothing can can heal it, but the Lord says in Psalms that God heals the brokenhearted. And uh, we need to heal ourselves as men, and we need to understand that you know we can be all those things yet also have a heart that is open to the ones that we love.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

That's that's good. Yeah, I'd like to share scripture real quick, if I may. And I think it's so powerful. It's in Genesis 2, uh verse 19. It says, The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper and suitable for him. So that means there's somebody out there for you. Yeah, right. God made some someone directly just for you. And I think if there's anybody that we can be able to open up our hearts to and and and share our feelings, and you know, it's it's our wives, right? I think that's that's we should be able to do that because knowing that the word of God, and we just read in Genesis 2.19 says that he made somebody just for me. My wife was just made just for me. So I should be able to open up myself to her, knowing that she's gonna she's gonna respond in a way that's gonna help me, right? And and like Pastor Fram was saying, like it's it's the culture that we come from, you know, as as especially as the Hispanic culture, it's the man, the man is the you do what I say and that's it, right? Cheese more right, you do what I say, and it's gonna be that way. And and and and with me, even even now, you know, I can say this that as I as long as I've been married with my wife, like my dad, you know, I remember early on in my marriage, he'd be like, he would tell me, he goes, Why do you gotta ask permission? You're the man of the house.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

I'm like, Dad, but it's not just me no more. Yeah, there's it's we're two, but yet we're one. Yeah, you know, yeah, and so so yeah, and I said, I said, I can't just do what I want to do no more. Yeah, because now I got somebody that God has put in my life to, I guess you can say, like, balance me out to show me and to help me. Because, how do you know, man, our wives are a blessing in our lives? That's right, bro. Man, they really are a blessing, man. I and I I tell people to this day, I come home and I see my wife, and I'm like, wow, God, how did how'd I get so blessed to have a wife like my wife? Yeah, lucky, but yes, blessed, man.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Blessed. Yeah. All right. Pastor Sammy, that brings uh brings me to a good question I want to ask. Yes, sir. Because I know there's a lot of men, and including me, right? You just said how with scripture you're like, hey, there's somebody for everybody, right? There no, there's nobody lucky, we're blessed. God has an appointed mate for you, right? Let's say there's somebody out there like me, we've been through divorce, right? And so we're kind of like, okay, so what about my first wife? I ruined that first matrimony, right? But then we're in a different matrimony, and let's just say, like, I'm gonna speak for myself here, like I'm totally committed more here. Do you feel like men would probably because I I I I struggled with that at one time, right? I was like, hey man, is this even right? Is this legit? You know, I'm here in the house of God and you know, in a second marriage, you know, and then you hear, you know, God has somebody. So, what would we say for that first marriage? What would you think on that?

SPEAKER_02 6:37

And that's that's a good question. Matter of fact, I I talked to some people about it too before, because I guess we gotta look at the situation, yeah, right? For one, you probably weren't saved.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yes, that's right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

That's right. And that and the thing is sometimes, and and I and I've asked this question to a pastor one time I said where scripture says, Well, what God has joined together, let no man tear apart. Yeah. So that can go back and I ask the questions I said, well, because sometimes we go off our feelings. We go off emotion. Well, man, she man, she's fine. You know what I'm saying? And we get in a situation that we put ourselves in, not that God allowed us to put our self in. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

I think sometimes we we we get ahead, and I just use this phrase, but we get ahead of ourselves sometimes. No, you're exactly right. Right. And you look at you look at the story between Sarah and Abraham.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Yeah, true, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

They that the promise was given to them, but they didn't want to wait on the promise. Right.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Right? So what happened when she allowed him to go in there and with his maid, yeah, and what did it do? It caused conflict. So see, sometimes that it's not that, you know, we I think we jumped in a situation where we went off emotion to that brought us to a situation, right? It took us down a role that you know, not saying that because marriage is sacred from God, right? So that's sacred, right? So when you when you marry somebody, it's it's to death due to apart what the Bible tells us, right? It's for lifetime, right? Yeah, and there's instances where it says well, there's able to, you know what I mean? And so, but in that situation, you gotta ask yourself, was it something that I just I forced it? Was it just me? Just because I meant she was fine and she and I wanted to be with her, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Or was it actually God that somebody got brought for me?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

You see what I'm saying? And it's something we tell our kids all the time, pray for your husband, pray for your wife. Yeah, because you get into relationships and you think, well, this is a one, and this is a one, and you know, and and and when my kids, you know, when they first when they when they dated at one time or another, and they were, you know, my daughter, matter of fact, and I can share this. She was dating the guy for a couple years, and she's like, Dad, I think he's immature. What do you think? You think I should break up? And then I said, I can't make the decision for you. Yeah, you gotta figure it out for yourself. See in your heart, you were like, Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, like I said, with my daughter, you know, yeah, I said you have to figure that, you got to figure that out, honey. You know what I mean? Baby, you gotta figure that out and see, because there's somebody there for you. And and and so the more you pray and the more you seek God, yeah, God'll because I think God is already working on that person.

SPEAKER_05 8:59

Yeah, and I think, you know, it just to kind of grow off a tangent, right? You know, and we're talking about dating, you know, dating is like is is is right before marriage, right? Uh if you're a person that dates here and dates there, and you just like you just the person that likes to date. You know what I'm saying? You like to go against what God wants. Dating is for a purpose. Dating is a, am I going to be committed to this person for the rest of my life? Is this the one, right? Yeah, yeah. So so I like I think you know, a lot of guys struggle with that too. They just like to, you know, maybe they've grown grown up in church, but you know what? There are people that have been raised in churches, but they're not Christian. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:37

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 9:38

So you've got you've got a lot of people that are coming to church, or even those that are not in church that believe because, you know, they sprinkled water on their forehead when they were young, or or they were baptized at one point that they're saved. But uh to be saved is to actually follow the instructions that God left us in his word. And so we have to understand that you may have been raised in a Christian home or you may believe that you gave your life to Christ one day, but to be a follower of Christ means that you're actually trying to do the things that God wants us to do that is written in his word and listening to the Holy Spirit. You know, if you have no conviction of the things that you're doing, yeah, and you believe that you're a Christian, then you need to question, am I really a Christian? Yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

And and I and I think too, Brother Peter, is this that so you know, in that relationship, there's also gonna be healing.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Because I took I've I've been I've counseled with couples, I'm sure you too, Pastor Ferman, that like you said, the marriage proprietor, and they're still hurt prior to that marriage. Yeah, that it if you don't if you've ever been set free from that or or or forgiven that person, yeah, it comes, it brings it on to your marriage. That's correct, yeah. And it can cause chaos. Yeah, you know, and like I said, I mean, growing up as men, as young men, you know, we thought the first girlfriend we met was gonna be our wives, right? Yeah, I have to be my wife, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? So there's you know, there's there's that golly love and there's that emotional love. Yeah, sure. You see what I'm saying? I think that and we and and I think at an early on age, we get caught up in the in the emotional love, it's not the godly love.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

Yeah, right, exactly. That makes sense because I did hear that when I brought that to uh to another pastor, he was like, Well, it's you weren't saved at that time. Yeah, so I was like, okay, you know, and that made total sense, you know, and it's but it's always good to hear it.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Sure, sure, you know, different perspectives, you know. Yeah, right, right. So I wanted to. So let's say, you know, you have that guy that comes and he doesn't he doesn't feel as Christian, he doesn't feel, but he's wanting to take those steps. But in the marriage, in the relationship, he's probably one that went from dating all the time to he's ready to settle down. So my question really is what would you say to a man who feels like it's too late to change? Now, I like I'm gonna speak for my marriage. So before we actually got serious with God and we started taking our steps, it was man, it don't get mad at me listening, but it was like all hell breaking loose. It was scream fights, arguments, just you know, everything was wrong. And I can't say what happened exactly that changed, but now I mean, we are on fire for God. We are going, we are like hungry. And I can't even think of the last time we argued. I mean, we might have argued, but it was what's for dinner. Like there's no something insignificant, yeah, had no meaning. Getting better. Everything we're prospering, we're you know, we're going. So, what would you feel to say to that man that feels like it's too late to change? Well, you know, it's never too late for God, right?

SPEAKER_05 12:23

It is never too late for God. You know, God, as long as we have breath in our lungs, we've all been and told this and heard this all of our lives that God can save us, right? And I think the biggest barrier to having an open heart to God and even to your spouse is pride. And I think that's every every guy deals with pride, right? What does the Bible say about pride? Pride goes before destruction, right? Or a fall, right? And so we have to understand that pride is one of those big things, you know. So we I believe that, you know, we can all change. God is always on time, right? Even though we we're calling, we're calling, we're calling, we're not seeing anything, there's always God's timing, and God has an appropriate time, right? So I think if we try to change our ways as far as pride is concerned, right? And we we we try to have a relationship with God first and foremost, right? I think those will break those walls of pride down. And it'll soften our heart and open our heart, right? We're all strong men, right? Yeah, and the people listening right now, the guys that are listening right now, they're strong men, right? But we need to open our heart to God and have that true relationship with the Father. And if we can have that true relationship with the Father, then we're going to see God come in and He's gonna save the day, just like He always does. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Amen.

SPEAKER_05 13:41

Amen, sir. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Yeah, you have anything to add to that? Yeah, I like this, you know, Pastor Ferman, so it's so true, so on point, man, that when we realize that we got to set pride aside and allow God to do what he needs to do, it's like you said, it's never too late. God can do anything.

SPEAKER_04 13:54

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

But God can only do what you're willing to allow him to do. That's correct. If that makes sense, yes, yeah. So I think as men, we got to understand that, yeah, we've might have we might have fallen, we might have had certain ways in how we do things, but when we truly, when we truly surrender to God and allow God to come into our lives and clean us out and then begin to shape us in the way he has from the beginning, because what they say, the scripture, go back to scripture, right? Go back, he said he needed us together. See, everything that we were supposed to be, he put it together while we were in the in our mother's womb. Yeah, God made us perfect. Yeah, you know what I mean? In the eyes of the Lord, right? He made us who he wanted us to be. And so sometimes we get out of the character and we get out, we want to let pride come in, and and you know, and so I think we have to know that, you know, I mean that God can use anybody who is willing. That's a key word right there, who is willing to be used and be changed.

SPEAKER_05 14:43

Yeah, because pride always says, you know what, I got this. Yeah, I got this, right? That's our famous words, is man, I got this. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I don't need no directions, right? When we know we need directions, right? You get lost more than ever. You get lost, man. But you find many ways to get to your place, right? But you know, pride blocks, pride blocks intimacy, right? First and foremost with God, right? We need to have that relationship with God. If we're gonna learn anything, it's gonna be through God. That's how we're gonna learn. Pride blocks that relate that that intimacy, but humility, it opens up that intimacy, right? And so we can humble ourselves before God, right? And talk to God, we are eventually going to learn how to talk to other people, and without having you know the pride, you know, go before us in a fall. Yeah, and so that's what we have to work on as men, is we have to humble ourselves unto God, and then God will teach us the rest. That's right. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

So I got this million-dollar question, bro. Million dollars. Million dollar question. So we got we pray, right? That we got a lot of secular men that are eventually gonna come through the faith, right? Listening. Now, is there out there listening? Of course, to them, they got this picture painted, like we say, society paints pictures of the church, right? So, like you guys are over marriage counseling. Y'all have helped a lot of marriages. Have you guys ever, like now when y'all walk, have you guys ever fail, not fallen, but you know, encountered stuff to where you're like, wow, like now I need the help.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Yeah, you know, like I need somebody to talk to, right? I I think we all encounter those things in in relationships. You know, again, I think again, if we go back to what we just talked about, even in pride within our marriages, we've been ministers now for almost 30 plus years, and even pride still tries to sneak in, like, hey, you know what, I got this, right? Instead of allowing God to work those things out. So we still have those struggles amongst ourselves, right? We still get on our nerves. Just because we're saved doesn't mean that we don't get on our nerves, right? Uh we're gonna get on each other's nerves. In fact, yeah, for the most part, that's our job is to get on our wives' nerves, right? Yeah, uh, so so we do it sometimes just to poke at them, but but sometimes we we're doing things that we think we need to be doing, and it's getting on their nerves, right? Yeah, but we just gotta learn from all that stuff, right? We all fall flat on our faces, but the thing is, is not staying there. That's right. It's about getting up, dusting yourself off, learning from the process, and then moving forward, right? That's what we've got to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah, and and and you know, when you minister to couples, man, I was a matter of fact, I was telling a couple one time, I was talking to a brother, and and you know, and but what I was telling him, I said, I said, I go through the same things you're going through in your marriage. Sure. I said, I face the same temptations as you're facing right now. Right. I got you know, I said, I said, and as as as as pastors who who minister on couple marriage couples and marriages, man, that I think the enemy tries to attack our marriage. Yep. Right. We get a lot of text. I said, so, and I tell my wife sometimes too, like when I'm when I'm praying, believing for this brother or this marriage to be set free from, it seems like I'm being attacked on the same thing. You know what I'm saying? So then I gotta then I gotta be prayed up and I gotta watch out because the enemy will try to sneak in and try to bring that upon my marriage. Right, yeah. You see what I'm saying? So it's it's like I tell you, as much as we put out, we gotta be careful because it's ready to come back and attack us back in. Yeah, you see what I'm saying? And so we're but yeah, I mean, I don't think I've ever been discouraged. I mean, I've I mean, it's it's it's saddening when you when you see marriages ultimately divorced, right? Right, you know, it's because you you that's not what God wants, that's not the intention of God, and you see, and you you I've always been the one to listen to both sides of the story, right? And and I hear the hearts and I hear what's what what maybe what she's not doing, what he's doing, whatever. And then the sad thing is that when they finally decide, you know, I guess it's best that we do separate. Yeah, and you look back and you're like, man, that's that's not a reason to separate. You see what I'm saying? And and and so you try to you as as pastors and ministers, you try to help them and and and go back to where man would all remember those vows that you said. You know, you like we we touch this all the time in class, man. You made a covenant, yeah, and God hates for you to break covenant. That's right. And so I said, you know, and then you look at the children, right? I come from a divorce home.

SPEAKER_04 18:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

You know, I see what it did for myself, and I will share that. I shared that with these couples. I'm like, I said, man, you got kids, and and let me tell you for someone with experience who parents separated at a young age, I see how it affected my life. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 19:04

And and so and even and even saying that, you know, because I come from a home where my father, he went out on my mom, right? And and that was right about the time, you know, I was in high school, yeah, and I was so mad, dude. I was mad and I was yelling, and and and my dad came in there and he confronted me, and I was yelling at him. You know, so I understand that, you know, from both sides, but I I know that I had made a vow even back then, I'm never gonna be like my dad in this area. I'm not gonna be like my dad in this area. So you have to try to protect yourself. You can't give into your weakness. Yeah, that's what I've got to. If I were to tell anybody that, talk to your man, don't give in to those weaknesses, right? You gotta fight through those weaknesses, and so you know, he don't let your attitude and don't let your past determine your future. Amen. If you can hear get anything else from that, you get this, right? Yeah, get that. Don't let your attitude nor your past, you know, disrupt your future because God can restore anybody. That's right. He can restore anybody at any time. So I just encourage these men that are maybe having kind of these issues opening their hearts, or maybe pride is just running rampant, right? You know, I know I know that I dealt with rage a lot, and that came from my father as well. But again, when I humble myself before God, God showed me that I needed to let that stuff go. And and he worked it out in my life. You know, how did he do it? You know, we got to pray. Yeah, that's a form of humility already, once and for all, yeah, calling out for help, right? We gotta pray. We gotta read his word, we gotta learn more, right? If we learn more, we then we have answers to a lot of those things that maybe and we have to also share. I mean, men right nowadays they don't want to share anything, right? They just want to keep everything bottled up, right? Don't talk to me, right? I don't I don't need to talk to nobody, right? But we need to share with other men that maybe have gone through the same situations and have conquered it, or just bear your heart and say, Hey, I'm gonna let this stuff go.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Yeah, amen. Amen. That's true. So, like for a man that's listening out there right now, and you guys got a lot of knowledge between y'all two, right? And he wants to start, let's say you hear we we got a man out there right now, it's like, hey, you know, I want to start going to church. I want to start trying to restore my marriage. We know it's not gonna be a perfect walk. What could you tell them right now? Hey, look, we know it's gonna be hard, right? What kind of advice could you give them if they're barely gonna start this walk and enter a church fellowshipping? What can they expect and and how can they I I think I would tell them, first of all, seek God like never before. Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Seek God and I heard a pastor say this one time and it and it stuck with me, it was so profound. He said, You can't give somebody something you don't have.

SPEAKER_05 21:47

That's correct.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Right. So, how can you love your your wife if you don't have love yourself? So I I would I was first of all to tell the the the man come. And fall in love with God. Come and search God. And the more you search more of God, the more you can draw closer to your wife.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

So we have to just allow ourselves to be open to God. Love, let God pour into us as the man to what we can do for our wives. And that's one thing I would definitely tell, man, when you could get in it. Just start seeking the Lord prayer. You know, pray and seek God and get involved, man. I told you all the time, you gotta get involved. You know, like, you know, we offer so much things for couples, and sometimes we have a so you know lately it's been really good. But there's sometimes I'm like, man, you know, and then we're counseling those couples that didn't show up. Right. You see what I'm saying? I'm like, but we just had we just had a marriage. Well, where we didn't show up. You know what I'm saying? We did this thing because we're we invest. Yeah, we're investing not only in you, but we're investing because we believe in your marriage. But but it's at the same time, it takes one person to say, Man, you know what? I want change. Yeah, I want to be different. Yeah, I want I don't want to be like my father. I don't want to be like my, you know, you know, this over here. I want to, I want to be what God, I want to seek God with all that I have, you know, and that's what that's my prayer all the time, man. You know, is yeah, I want to, I want God, I want more of you, yeah, so that I can be better to my wife.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

Right, right. And and I think I would tell uh anybody struggling, you know, it's it's gonna be a process. It's not gonna be overnight. It's there's no there's no pill that we can take that we feel better right away. It's gonna be a process, right? But stick with the process, right? Stick with it, keep on searching for God, keep on worshiping God, keep on reading God, keep on coming to men's fellowships and and and bearing your soul and hearing what others have gone through in that same process, right? So a process of healing takes time. You know, so so we we have to accept that it's not gonna be right away. You're gonna have some struggles, you're gonna have some issues that you have to deal with, and that's okay as long as you're have your heart open to God, God will fill it with his knowledge and his spirit, and and he'll calm you down and he'll he'll show you the way, right? It's not it's not, you know, we we have to surrender and let God heal us. Yeah, yeah, and I think that's the majority of things that we have to do is allow God to heal us.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the surrender is a big deal, right? Because as men, like you said, we try to hold on, yeah, be in control. And that's that's something that I kind of struggle with myself. When I came, I was like, I still wanted to be in control, right? Like, and because well, I gotta handle this, I gotta handle that. And but you're fighting with God, right? You're you're you're tussling there with him. Yeah, and we gotta be willing to let go of everything, and that's the scary part, right? Because that's how it was for me, bro. It was it was real scary, right? Because because you want to be in control, right? You you like your stuff here. I was I'm actually reading a book, what's Dietrich Bonhoeffer? Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Yeah, I don't want to butcher his name, but yeah, that's correct. And uh, I'm trying to get through it right, and that's one of the things he says is like men are afraid to let go. And I think that's that spirit of the world that's in us, right? Because we like our stuff, yeah, we like our our our money, right? We like the control that we have, but that's the biggest fear for men is to let it go. Right. And God's like, you have to let it go. Sure. Because then you're really not following me. That's correct. That's right. That's correct, yeah. And we feel like, well, I spent all this time obtaining these things. I worked hard for them, but we always forget, like, well, God didn't wake you up.

SPEAKER_05 25:27

Yeah, God gave you the ability to create wealth. That's what the Bible says, you know. And we never give him honor.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Yeah, that's escaping Egypt, but keeping Egypt with you. Right. Professor Kerry was saying, right, right. You escaped, but then you kept that Egypt uh mentality. Yeah, you kept going with it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:42

And you know, when when God delivered uh, you know, his people from Pharaoh and them, yeah, you know, they gave everything to them. And and and that's the thing, is we have to understand that if we leave because God told us to go, God will supply all our needs. Amen. But you can't be weak, like we talked about earlier, right? You know, we talked about being strong men, right? An open heart, right? We have to understand that there's a process, we're gonna have to go through it, we're gonna have our ups and we're gonna have our downs. But even in our downs, we still call out to God, we still humble ourselves to God, we still allow him to heal our heart, right? We still allow him, uh we make ourselves available to him, right? We have to make ourselves available to God. And we're gonna see his mighty hand come forth and it come through for us, right? But we've just got to stick with it. You know, a word that we like to use in in the marriage ministry is we have to be committed, we have to be dedicated. And that means in the good times and in the bad times, we have to be dedicated, right? You know, I I you know at work, I know, you know, I I work for a living, right? I'm a pastor because that's my calling, right? But I work for a living out in the world, and I was having a conversation with some some of my employees, and we were talking about, you know, relationships, you know. Yeah, we're talking about you know how husbands and wives, you know, argue with each other, this, that, and the other. That happens, right? Yeah. And and and that, you know, one time this guy he told his wife to, you know, he pretty much told her, you know, you know, shut up, you know, right? Yeah. And you know what I meant, the middle word where there was, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:16

And that she shut down and blah, blah, blah, this, that, and the other. And then I told him, look, at least you guys are still communicating. Now, that's not the communication that I would suggest that you use, yeah. But you're still communicating, right? Yeah. Where in a marriage or relationship is in trouble is when somebody walks away. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's you, that's when you know that marriage is in trouble. When somebody, yeah, somebody starts complaining or nagging or doing something and the other one walks away, that's where the trouble is, right? Yeah. Because they're just shutting down that, you know, and and and hope is kind of being extinguished, you know, every time that you do that. So we have to understand if you guys are in trouble, you need to call out on God, right? Because you don't want God to change your significant other, your your wife or your girlfriend. You want God to change you.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Amen. Right.

SPEAKER_05 28:06

That's where the change has to happen, is with you. Even if you don't believe that you're the problem and you may not be the problem, but you have to ask God to give you the strength to continue on and fight. Because if God brought this thing together, yeah, let no man put it or separate it, right? That's what the Bible tells us. That's awesome. And so we have to understand that as men.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yeah, and I think too, like you said, we we pray for God to do something for our spouse. When God should, we need, like you said, that's what I tell a couple of times. Look at yourself. What's something you can work on that you can contribute to the marriage? Maybe something that you're doing that's not right, you know what I'm saying? But I mean, it's easy to point fingers, right? It's oh, you this, this, and that. But you know, we gotta look at ourselves too. What are we doing? Yeah, because as men, we we like to fix things, right?

SPEAKER_05 28:49

Something's broke, man, we want to fix it, right? Or or our our wife has a problem, we got a solution, right? We got the answer, right? But sometimes that answer is looking inward and asking God to change you.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:01

And again, that's that's where that humility comes in, right? Yeah, bowing down before our creator and giving him everything, all honor, all glory, all burdens, all problems. Amen. That's what we have to do.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Amen. That was really stumble a little bit. Really good. I think one thing to also add an end with this is being considerate. Because you have to consider that other one's feelings. How do you truly like you know, no matter how mad you get, no matter how hard you get, it just considering correct, like when we first started coming to this church, I was ready to jump in because I grew up in church. I was, you know, I straight away, but I knew my heart where my heart originally was. And as soon as we came, I was like, I want to be in praise and worship. I've always wanted to be in praise of worship growing up, growing up. So I was like, I want to be in praise of worship. So I think the first two, three months we were here, we were enjoying it. I was like, okay, I'm gonna go talk to the praise and worship, the, you know, the in charge, and I'm gonna join praise and worship. So I talked to Andrew and Tracy, and they're like, Oh yeah, come on. And I was like, anytime, you know. And I went to I want to say two, three of the practices, and then me and my wife had an argument, and she was like, Hey, you're leaving me behind. And I was like, Whoa, what do you mean? I'm chasing God, I want to do this for God. Yeah, and she was like, Yeah, but you're leaving me behind. I don't know what to like, you know, I don't want to do this no more because you're you're gone. And I was like, okay, you know, let me let me take a step back then. Yeah, so I took my step back and I, you know, we rode together, we're doing good. And now, any little question, hey babe, can you know, like being part of the security team, we have our practices. Hey, can I go do this? Yeah, go ahead, you know, I got things to do anyway. So, you know, go ahead. And I was like, okay, you know, yeah, perfect. Doing the podcast, you know. Yes, we it takes time out of the day, and then even afterwards, we continue to talk. So it's okay, you're gonna have to watch the kids for a little bit longer just because you know, we're just still and yeah, I think just being that considerate is also just you know, you gotta hold on to that very hard to you know take those feelings in.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

So I guess we're gonna need closing words before we yeah. I'd like to share this. I'm gonna give you four ways here how you can open your heart and your relationships. Number one is gratitude. Acknowledge and voice appreciation for what your partner adds to your life. That is so good, man. Amen. You know, I want to say that again. Acknowledge and voice your appreciation for what your partner adds to your life.

SPEAKER_04 31:23

Amen.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Uh you gotta be vulnerability, you gotta be vulnerable, right? Share your own feelings and inner in your inner world too. Spiritual leadership and care. Share your personal spiritual insights to provide security and connect on a deeper level. Amen. And the last one I want to say is I think this one's so far says cherish her. It don't say cherish him, it says cherish her. That's correct. And it says actively nurture your wife, nursing her and cherishing her just as you care for your own body.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Amen.

SPEAKER_05 31:54

And that's scripture.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_05 31:55

It is. I think the final thing that I've got is probably a challenge to all the men, right? A challenge, I think. You know, all men like to be challenged at some point in their life, right? So here's my challenge to all these men that are listening to the podcast. Don't just give her provision, give her your presence. Amen. Give her your presence. You know, that's that will help us open our heart. It will allow God to do the thing that He has to do in us, uh, because we're not perfect, right? Neither is she, but we're not perfect. We've got to take responsibility for ourselves. And we've got to, you know, we're gonna see what God does in this relationship, right? We're gonna see what God does in this relationship. So I I think that's I think that's the challenge that the men uh should take up, you know, just don't provide provision, give him your presence. Yeah, and I think that kind of goes along with also serving our father. Give him your presence. Yeah, if you give him your presence, he's gonna give his presence to you. And that is what we need in this world. Because if we're not, if we're not in God's presence, we're alone. Yeah, that's right. And we don't we don't want to be alone.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

If I can just share one thing to the men who are listening, man, your wife is looking for a man who is searching after God. Amen. A wife is looking for somebody who's who's a provider who can take care of the family. You know what I'm saying? So you men who are listening to this to this podcast, like Pastor Farm said, there's a challenge. You know, seek God like never before. Be that leader that God has called you to be in your home so that your family can follow, right? It's never too late. It doesn't matter what you've gone through, no matter what you face. Maybe your marriage has been in a rocky situation from time to time. Yeah, but the challenge is, man, get back to Christ, seek God. And I promise you, man, the more you seek God, and like Pastor From said, and we're real big on this too, is consistency. The more we consist, the more God can do things. That's correct. And let me tell you something, man. When the as the man, when you begin to do those things, your whole family will follow and come. Amen. Let me leave y'all with this: the uh heart process, right?

SPEAKER_05 33:52

The heart protocol that we should follow as men, right? It's it's heart, an acronym. I'm big on acronyms, right? So heart uh healed by God, engaged emotionally, available. You have to be available always. You have to be rooted in Christ, and you have to be transparent with your love. That's the heart process. So we have to have that heart, men. We have to have that heart. Amen. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

All righty, guys. I'd like to end it there. Stay loved and stay blessed. Amen.