No Grace, No Loyalty- So What are we doing?

This episode challenges how we think about grace, personal responsibility, and real change, while touching on gratitude, healing, parenthood, and the standards we live by.
Because at some point, you have to ask:
Are we actually growing… or just getting comfortable?
No perfection. No pretending.
Just perspective that forces you to think—and take a real look at yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:01

Check one, two, one, three. Take a second, but we are in the building.

SPEAKER_08 0:13

Get comfortable. Stay a while.

unknown 0:15

Just check.

SPEAKER_07 0:28

Thanks. Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 0:37

Girl. Can I talk to the blue?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Good, nigga? How are you?

SPEAKER_08 0:54

I am pretty. Great. I feel good.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

You guys look great.

SPEAKER_08 1:02

Thank you. You look great. You look great. Nice shirt, brother. Appreciate it. Tomorrow. Oh what? You're waiting for me to start?

SPEAKER_04 1:13

We're recording.

SPEAKER_07 1:19

You're not ready? You gotta say one. One.

SPEAKER_06 1:26

One does be a sea. Where are you girls? Just want to be yoga.

SPEAKER_08 1:53

Hello, and welcome to the wholesome men is podcast. I'm your host, Chris Marie. I've got Steph and Reese with me. Her usual family, family.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

How y'all doing today?

SPEAKER_08 2:07

I'm pretty great. Had a pretty good day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

Yeah.

unknown 2:12

And I know.

SPEAKER_08 2:14

Yeah. High days are usually pretty good. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

That's sushi. Sushi party. Honestly.

SPEAKER_08 2:23

It was so good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

Shout out to my body.

SPEAKER_08 2:26

Still thinking about it. Yeah, forever.

SPEAKER_05 2:28

Some great eats coming out of you guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:31

And the guy even put like, I had to ask him to put some stuff on mine because I like the crispy onions and the sauce, and he put it on. Yeah, it was like really plain.

SPEAKER_05 2:41

Yeah, I'm really enjoying that. I'm enjoying every time I've eaten sushi there.

SPEAKER_08 2:45

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

Top tier.

SPEAKER_08 2:47

Yeah, we we got a lot. The guy was like, he literally was looking like. Yeah, we have we had a sushi party. Sushi potty. Don't judge. No, don't please don't.

unknown 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:59

That was veggie, but I loved it. I love it. I get it every time. Yeah. That uh that salmon. Little flame on there.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

Charled.

SPEAKER_08 3:11

Good eats. It looked the main thing. Only I ate fish.

SPEAKER_05 3:16

Ladies. That's good.

SPEAKER_06 3:26

Shastaho.

SPEAKER_05 3:31

Can't stand Shasta Hole. Question today. Nothing crazy. Um if you could pick one it is kind of crazy, but if you could pick one thing out of all the things that you can be grateful for, what would it be? I want to hear about it.

SPEAKER_11 3:49

One thing.

SPEAKER_05 3:50

One thing. What are you the most grateful for?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

The most.

SPEAKER_05 3:57

I can give you mine in that view. Um, I've been thinking about this a lot. I am grateful for the privilege to be a father to Wellington and Weston Yates.

SPEAKER_08 4:09

I love that. That was mine.

SPEAKER_05 4:10

Oh, you still okay. Um I'm blessed to be raising two beautiful boys. And they call me dad. And that's not just like my title, but that's my role. Like I've been given. Like the creator made it so.

SPEAKER_08 4:28

Right.

SPEAKER_05 4:29

This is what I'm doing with my life right now. So I found so much purpose, so much peace. My nervous my nervous system is regulated when I'm in fatherhood mode. When I my kids are not here, I have to figure it out. Like a single black man. When they're here, like there's no greater purpose than for me to be their parent.

SPEAKER_08 4:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 4:52

You know, so um I've been thinking about that. Like I'm super grateful for that.

SPEAKER_08 4:56

For sure resonates with that. Yeah. And that was my Zoe and Gia. Like the most grateful. Like they changed my life. They changed who I am. That's tough. They changed my purpose. Um, they're my motivation, my energy, everything.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

Because you're a mother.

SPEAKER_08 5:20

Yeah. Yeah. And they teach me daily. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 5:25

Speak on it.

SPEAKER_08 5:26

My babies tell me how they feel about everything. They're five and nine. And that's because we have conversations about obviously not adult things, but I always want them to the expression. You have transparency. Yes. Healthy. And you know, me and Gia, our relationship is a little toxic. Oh, that's just she's very wild, you know. That's my mini. And she's a lot. Yeah. But she expresses herself. And I was struggling with that because I'm like, what is it? Is it mean? And my mom's always sending me stuff. And Reesa, that you know, your kids acting like that because they're in a comfortable space. They feel comfortable to act out with you and have those tantrums. And I love my kids so bad. Yeah, for sure. They are why I'm doing everything.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah. Yeah. Love it.

SPEAKER_08 6:24

It's grateful. Me too. Definitely to be a mom. It just is like I've always wanted to be a mom. I love kids.

SPEAKER_09 6:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 6:34

I love my kids. All three of them are different. Um, you know, I have a 16-year-old, and well, she will be 16, and my twins will be 12 all next month. Fire. And they're just all, like I said, so different. And we each have a different relationship, but it's just so special. And um, you know, a lot of times they think my oldest is my favorite. It's just that your oldest, that relationship is so different. Like, we pretty much grew up together, and we're so close. And and my twins spend a lot of time with their dad and me. Like, we split that time every week. He has them, then I have them. So me and Keisier are constantly together, though. So we just have a different bond than I do with the twins, but we're all very close. Yeah. So, um, like the kids too. Yes. And I try to, I don't try, we do different things together, you know. Like me and Keisera, our thing is like shopping and watching like Supernatural or something like that. Um, Panyo is like one of our favorite movies to watch together, or and then like Varis, me and him, we watch One Piece together or Dragon Ball, like whatever it is he likes. Like, I I accommodate each one of them differently. And Brielle, she's a scary movie girl, and we're usually watching scary movies together. So um, I do I love it. I love that they're all different. I've never been a mother to two 12-year-olds before or a 16-year-old before, so it's always like learning, and I'm grateful for that to be able to be in a space mentally to accept those differences between each kid and to learn from the experiences that we have together. So I love that. It's fine.

SPEAKER_05 8:37

I love that.

SPEAKER_08 8:38

Yeah, thank you for asking.

SPEAKER_05 8:41

Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot. Yeah, um, again, you guys know I've had my kids since they were born, and now I get them for two weeks at a pop.

SPEAKER_08 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

So I and I still have to go to work and still be so for me, like every ounce of time is imperative to just because I'm grateful for that.

SPEAKER_08 9:05

Right.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

And because it's only been a limited time, I'm really like aware.

SPEAKER_08 9:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

And I'm present. Very present, yeah, for sure. So which you you've always crashed. Right. Maybe I'm just like hyper-vigilant or I'm sure you're hyper-aware of what I'm going through right now. So which is causing me to be very grateful. And again, I can't tell you the measure of peace I feel.

SPEAKER_09 9:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:29

January I was full in the type of way, and now I'm not even because my parenthood is still solidified. My fatherhood is still solidified. You know what I mean? But I'm grateful for, like, God has given me such a time as this to be a dad to these two boys.

SPEAKER_09 9:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:48

Let it out, let it out, let it out for me. That's how I feel though on the internet.

SPEAKER_08 9:52

I always gotta be with my own.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

Fucking mother now. Um, and that's a lot of gratitude and gratitude. I'm gonna get my younger sibling uh yesterday or day before. And I told him that there isn't really the the greatest purpose I think is for for humans is to make more of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:13

I don't think there's anything more important to that. Other people who can't have kids or can't don't have children or are not parents are unimportant, but even down to a species, we gotta keep making more of us. Right. Um on top of the intentional aspect, we're making more of us, and then we're nurturing and rearing and raising them in the same way a the coyotes in the woods do that to their kids, and the deer in the woods do that to their babies, right? Yeah. We're doing it too, and we're part of the great circle of life, as it were. Right. It's important to like pay attention to that. That's for sure. And none of us would be here if somebody didn't do it for us. Right, right. We have all out here at BNS.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Right. Definitely. Yeah, that was good.

SPEAKER_05 11:06

Yeah, that's my attitude and gratitude today. What is a good song? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 11:11

Good for you, brother. Good for us. Yeah. You guys are great parents. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 11:16

You two guys are fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_08 11:18

Killing it. Thank you. You guys are too. Next! I don't want to cry. Cry, baby.

SPEAKER_06 11:26

Let's go.

SPEAKER_08 11:27

I'm about to cry.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

You'll do fine. You will be fine.

SPEAKER_08 11:41

Get centered. Get ready.

SPEAKER_05 11:44

Oh no, what she got in there.

SPEAKER_08 11:46

Alright. Let's see. We'll go with a quote first today.

SPEAKER_11 11:56

Yes. I don't go to join the Americans in the new school.

SPEAKER_08 12:08

The gentleman. Charlie Hunam. I I really shouldn't have did that, but I love the movie so much. Why are the gentlemen? Stefan, you haven't. We haven't watched that? No.

SPEAKER_10 12:24

What a loser. Oh man. And I think I am gentlemen.

SPEAKER_08 12:31

You are a gentleman.

SPEAKER_05 12:34

Sorry.

SPEAKER_08 12:35

It's a wonderful cast. I've heard her talk about it. Phenomenal. Because it's one of my top five. I don't know how many times we've watched it. I'm gonna tell you right now.

SPEAKER_05 12:45

I'll watch it tonight.

SPEAKER_08 12:46

Watch it. That's yeah. Yeah. I was gonna talk about it tomorrow. Watch it. Um I probably watched it about a hundred times, maybe more. Because I just let it play when I first found when I first found the movie. I said, I love this. That's what I do with young Frankenstein. I love Matthew. I watched that I probably watched that shit a million times. Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunning.

SPEAKER_05 13:12

Oh, interesting. Henry Golden. That's Matthew, and that's Matthew. Is Bethany McConaughey in that movie?

SPEAKER_08 13:20

Well, no, she's the movie she was talking about is very old. Yeah, it's very old, black and white. Matthew McConaughey and Charlie Hunning. Henry Golden. We're not gonna forget about him because I'm yeah, he's a I love them. I'm a little bored of it. I'm gonna watch it tonight. Watch it. You'll love it. Yeah. Can't wait. Watch it.

unknown 13:43

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 13:44

So good. Yeah. Oh, the gentleman. We're gonna put that, we're gonna put that scene in here. Yeah, let's do it. Play it again. Okay, let's play it again. Because I just love him. He's so hot.

SPEAKER_11 13:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_11 14:01

I don't go to join like the Americans in the new school. Fox dropping, Cold Rapid in the last box.

SPEAKER_08 14:10

That's when they went a little bit. This scene right here, fire. Like the whole shit. Yeah. Watch it tonight. I'm gonna check. Let me see. Let me see. Turn the turn the screen around. Let me see what you got on.

unknown 14:30

All right.

SPEAKER_08 14:31

For your town. Yagabadu.

unknown 14:42

Shit.

SPEAKER_08 14:42

What is that stuff? On and on. Yes. Yes. Okay, Rachel.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

I didn't know it.

SPEAKER_08 14:55

Wow, I'm surprised. Let me tell you a little bit. Yeah. No Erica Badu for you, E B.

SPEAKER_05 15:01

I just don't know that song.

SPEAKER_08 15:03

Wow. That's okay. Pretty. Yeah. It's okay.

SPEAKER_05 15:07

I'll listen to it too. I do like her hair, bottom.

SPEAKER_08 15:10

She's cool.

SPEAKER_05 15:11

I like her hair.

SPEAKER_08 15:12

Yeah. She's beautiful. She's a bad one. Her daughter, too.

SPEAKER_04 15:15

Stunning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 15:16

And Andre 3000. That's a hot. That's a beautiful black because that man is fine. Okay. Yeah. Now for your last quote. I don't need you getting sad on me, brother.

SPEAKER_10 15:33

It's gonna happen sometime.

SPEAKER_08 15:44

I shouldn't make your ass cry. Got me crying in attitude and gratitude. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

But you know what else?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about you.

SPEAKER_08 16:17

I don't know. I have no clue. Are you serious? Again. I would love to.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

You might be crazy. But you know what else? I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

I don't give a fuck about you.

SPEAKER_08 16:51

What's that movie? Like Usher and I wonder what that movie was when it was in like high school and shit. That was almost a naughty. Play one more time my last time. You might not get this one.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Crazy. But you know what else?

SPEAKER_02 17:18

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about you.

SPEAKER_08 17:26

He has no clue. Shit, I ain't got no clue.

SPEAKER_05 17:29

I don't know who it is. I'm trying my brain, I'm trying to think who that person is.

SPEAKER_08 17:33

I don't know. Yeah, that's it. I'm done. I'm finished. Damn guy. What was that? That would be juice. That's what it was too hot. It sounds good.

SPEAKER_07 18:04

Look at this thing.

SPEAKER_10 18:09

Oh no booty.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

It's okay. Yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_08 18:18

It's fine.

SPEAKER_05 18:19

I'm gonna send my black card.

SPEAKER_08 18:23

Send it to me, noodle. Send it to me, cuz I'm taking it.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

There's no actual way.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

You saw juice before? I didn't see that one.

SPEAKER_08 18:35

So is Risa. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Just don't know why I didn't pick that up.

SPEAKER_08 18:39

You guys suck for sure. No, not me. Steamroll. Actually. Great. Um what goes up must come down. Well, you guys should love this because you were delusional thinking you were gonna get that motherfucking summer. Did we do all four? No, we didn't. No, we didn't. Yes, we did.

SPEAKER_05 19:03

Wait, wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_08 19:05

Hold up.

SPEAKER_07 19:06

Can I get a snook? I fucked up, guys. I fucked up, guys. Got the chick! I'm delusional. For sure.

SPEAKER_08 19:18

One more, one more, one more. Why did I think that was full? I don't know, because we spent so much time on that last one. We did. We were chatting about the gentleman too. Yeah. Okay. Okay, here we go. What the heck is that? Sound like a sound like a show. Crickets. That carry hilson. You know the song? Fucking know that shit. She's mad excited. We all know it. Give Stefan a chance. He might get it. I don't know it. I ain't even gonna sit here and lie to you.

SPEAKER_05 20:48

It's the instrumental is fucking me up, bro.

SPEAKER_08 20:50

Yeah. Watch me, bitch, watch me. Lil Wayne 3P. And it's so crazy you didn't get that because you literally were just listening to that. Oh, a little while ago.

SPEAKER_09 21:03

I fucking hate it here, bro.

unknown 21:09

Damn.

SPEAKER_10 21:10

I try to help you out too, Noogle.

SPEAKER_08 21:15

I'm gonna got that. I'm gonna play it again.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

Oh my god, I fucking hate my life, bro.

SPEAKER_08 21:22

That little carry Nilson, though what the fuck was I thinking?

SPEAKER_09 21:34

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 21:37

Alright, where do I send that shit, please? I'll send you my address.

SPEAKER_10 21:44

Where do I send that shit?

SPEAKER_08 21:46

Oh send mud, send mud.

SPEAKER_04 21:48

Easy F baby.

SPEAKER_08 21:52

I thought you were gonna get that one, brother.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Suckers. I knew I was gonna lose this round.

SPEAKER_08 21:56

You both did.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Now I did it. Oh shit, my bad. No, you didn't. Relax. She didn't get juice. I'm embarrassed.

SPEAKER_05 22:05

Let it just be no fucking embarrassment.

SPEAKER_08 22:06

I got that. You look it. Relax.

SPEAKER_05 22:08

I feel it, bro.

SPEAKER_08 22:09

Just relax. It's cool. Take a breath. A little slower.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Slowery. Am I affecting you guys this freaking bad?

SPEAKER_08 22:19

Drop me showed this.

SPEAKER_05 22:21

Coming from my head top.

SPEAKER_08 22:23

You gotta relax. Alright, now.

SPEAKER_05 22:27

Take this game very seriously.

SPEAKER_08 22:29

Don't seem like that at all. You go because if this was Jeopardy. Oh god. Damn, what's another one? Is it Jeopardy? It is Jeopardy. Shit, my bad. So niggas already thinking about the prices, right? No. Alright, next. Cut the tape, cut that out, cut that out. Welcome to the Delusion Olympics. Yes. All right, let's get started. You say you're healed, but still react to the same triggers.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Delusional.

SPEAKER_08 23:29

Delusional for real.

SPEAKER_05 23:32

Healed. Where? I think not.

SPEAKER_08 23:36

I think Yeah, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_05 23:39

Sounds wounded to me. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_08 23:43

Some things to sort through.

SPEAKER_05 23:45

For yourself.

SPEAKER_08 23:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you're getting pissed off about or who's pissing me off, they don't give a shit. Move around it. Yeah, for sure. You call it intuition. But ignore clear evidence. You want love, but hate vulnerability.

SPEAKER_10 24:26

Stefan's delusional.

SPEAKER_07 24:36

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 24:37

You're delusional, bro.

SPEAKER_07 24:38

That's delusional.

SPEAKER_05 24:39

Yeah, I am a little delusional. Cause I don't want you to see that. What if you don't love me if you see that?

SPEAKER_08 24:47

Your vulnerability? Not meant to be.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

And then now I'm vulnerable with you. Ill.

SPEAKER_08 24:54

Yuck.

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Yeah, what the fuck? Not doing that.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Just saying. And she's a loser. Maybe I'm a little delusional.

SPEAKER_08 25:06

Maybe I'm just a little scared.

unknown 25:08

Scared, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 25:10

But yeah, delusional for sure.

SPEAKER_05 25:12

I'm terrified of that. Maybe that's a trauma.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Don't be a pussy. Don't be a pussy.

SPEAKER_05 25:20

There's also that.

SPEAKER_09 25:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 25:27

Yes. Take the hustle. I live, man. Yeah. If it happens, it happens. We get hurt. It's part of life. Move on.

SPEAKER_05 25:37

They do say it is better to have love than to have never loved at all.

SPEAKER_08 25:43

You think men get more turned off when women are vulnerable?

SPEAKER_05 25:47

Like no.

SPEAKER_08 25:49

I always wonder about that. Well, I don't know, because I feel like niggas get weird when girls cry sometimes. Like, why are you getting weird? Fucking give me a hug or something.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

I think nearly every man's gonna do that. You think that? It is crazy. Come here. Baby, come to me.

SPEAKER_06 26:10

I'm gonna put my arms around you. This was meant to be.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

Yeah, absolutely. Bring that ask here.

SPEAKER_06 26:16

Wait.

SPEAKER_08 26:17

I'm so glad I found you, need you. I like it. Fire. Fuck that song. Now we're playing that song.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

I'll name that too.

SPEAKER_08 26:33

You're lying bastard! Yeah, I like that. It's wicked. But yeah, that's all I have for the Delusion Olympics today. Very good.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

That got me thinking about myself, my guy. Oh.

unknown 26:46

It's all good though.

SPEAKER_08 26:47

We always got each other thinking about ourselves.

SPEAKER_05 26:49

You're welcome. Honestly. Yeah. Even in fucking name not to them.

SPEAKER_07 26:53

Oh, how uncultured that's all you gotta do with all the name.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Like, have you lived, brother? Have you lived? Have you lived?

SPEAKER_05 27:08

Ladies, I have um a topic I want to kind of get into for our main topic today.

SPEAKER_07 27:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:15

I've been thinking about grace lately. And I feel like maybe we have a shallow misunderstanding of what it looks like or it is anymore. Um we use grace or giving someone grace or asking for grace oftentimes as an excuse to say this thing. Someone does something, they cause an offense, they overstep a boundary, or they are disrespectful.

SPEAKER_08 27:48

I'm sorry, you're typing and we can hear it typing.

SPEAKER_10 27:56

I'm sorry, it's not wrong. No problem.

SPEAKER_05 28:01

I'm just saying I can hear your we do these things to people and we either ask for grace or someone gives you grace.

SPEAKER_09 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:20

Right? But you don't change. You stay the same, or you cause the same offense again.

SPEAKER_08 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:26

Or you overstep the boundary again. And I've been thinking about that a lot, because does that mean that the person doesn't understand that they're getting grace? Or that we don't understand what we're giving to them in that space, or are they just using it permission to stay stagnant and not change?

SPEAKER_08 28:45

Yeah, and stay in that behavior.

SPEAKER_05 28:47

Right.

SPEAKER_08 28:47

Right. You're taking advantage of me.

unknown 28:50

Right.

SPEAKER_05 28:50

And it's really deep because grace is not something that the other person who caused an offense deserves. It's unmerited. I'm giving you, you know, mercy.

SPEAKER_08 29:00

About the kindness of my heart and the care that I have for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:06

Yeah. Um, a lot of people seem to like expect it from you. They expect you to be more patient, they expect you to be more kind, they expect you to be understanding.

SPEAKER_09 29:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:19

And they keep pushing the boundary, they keep testing, or they are still disrespectful. And I guess my question, if I had a question, um, if nothing changes from their behavior, did the grace actually work?

SPEAKER_04 29:40

No.

SPEAKER_05 29:42

And how much grace do you give somebody if you realize they're not making an actual change?

SPEAKER_08 29:51

I said before you got about two to three times. And that's a lot. For me, that's excessive. Because once should be enough. Yeah, once. Especially if if you're not a fucking child. In a conversation. Yeah, people make mistakes. Sure, but how long have you been doing this for me to have to finally say something to you? And now I'm at the point where I'm saying something to you. So, okay, I see you're still doing the same, so let me just say it again.

SPEAKER_09 30:19

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_08 30:20

Which is one time too many, then two times too many. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:26

So why are you counting the grace that you give?

SPEAKER_08 30:31

Because I am very busy.

SPEAKER_05 30:33

Is that a boundary that you're setting forward?

SPEAKER_08 30:35

It's a boundary. It has to be. I'm not gonna keep letting you do that and be comfortable in doing that. If somebody's continuously doing some shit, they're comfortable doing it. And you're expressing to them that you don't like that or it makes you uncomfortable, or whatever the situation might be.

SPEAKER_09 30:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 30:53

And they're continuing, continuing they do it continuously.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

Okay, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_08 31:01

Rampire. But um, yeah, and that's just I'm not tolerating that shit, bro. You got a brain, it works, fucking use it. If you don't want to, I gotta get out of there. Or away from it or whatever. Yeah, you're gonna be getting yourself right about my life.

SPEAKER_05 31:22

So the person who doesn't change after the sorry, I almost say change, grow. Because I'm not looking for you to sh change your personality.

SPEAKER_09 31:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:34

I'm looking for you to take accountability, assess that I'm giving you something that you don't deserve.

SPEAKER_08 31:40

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to help you identify this thing that's making me uncomfortable with you.

unknown 31:48

Right.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

So it's either Because you've violated a boundary or you've overstepped.

SPEAKER_08 31:54

Right.

SPEAKER_05 31:54

There's something, there's a reason I'm giving you grace, or that you're asking for grace.

SPEAKER_08 32:00

Yeah, right. So if you're asking for it and still not taking action to make that situation better, you're taking advantage. You're pretty much playing in my face.

SPEAKER_05 32:14

Yeah, I think people need to understand that when you first off, we have it to give, and we should people give people grace. We're humans, we should have that for one another. But if you're given that, you need to recognize that that's an opportunity for you to change. For you to evolve past what you are currently.

SPEAKER_08 32:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:38

Right?

SPEAKER_08 32:38

For yourself. Not for me, but for yourself and for us, if this is something that you decide that you really wanna continue.

SPEAKER_05 32:48

This is not even just romantic, right?

SPEAKER_08 32:50

Yeah, yeah. Friendship, or whatever, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:54

I give my kids grace after grace after grace after grace.

SPEAKER_08 32:58

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_05 32:58

Too many times to count, honestly, like you just said. But that space I'm giving you is not for you to take advantage, it's for you to if you're taking advantage of the time that I'm giving you to rectify.

SPEAKER_08 33:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:14

Course correct.

SPEAKER_08 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

I just know that most times we don't realize, and that's powerful for us, right? As people who are grace givers. Sometimes somebody has to give me grace, right? Because I'm learning and growing in a space. Or I don't realize that I'm overbearing or trying to overcompensate in an area, right? Um, but it's not permission for me to stay the same because I know Reese's always she's she's cool.

SPEAKER_08 33:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:44

She's not gonna get in her feelings the bust.

SPEAKER_08 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:47

That's unfair.

SPEAKER_08 33:48

That's yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

And misleading. Right? It's a chance for you to become better. You should take that space to be better for sure for yourself, and because you're better for yourself, you're gonna show up better in the relationship. Friendship, sonship, daughtership, all the things.

SPEAKER_08 34:06

Yeah, daughtership, daughterhood.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

I don't know. Whatever you odd I liked it. Yeah. It fits situationship, which does not belong. I got a situation ship with my mom.

SPEAKER_05 34:25

Yeah, that's something I'm thinking about. Yeah, I've been in my spiritual, like bag lately.

SPEAKER_08 34:37

Yeah, I live in it like you always are.

SPEAKER_05 34:39

I know.

SPEAKER_08 34:40

Cool stuff, right?

SPEAKER_05 34:41

I just see the world like like that. I think everything we do is eating tacos is a spiritual thing for me.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yeah. Eating gum.

SPEAKER_05 34:49

Chewing gum.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Chewing gum. Eating gum.

SPEAKER_09 34:53

You eat child.

SPEAKER_08 34:55

Right. Would you want for dinner gum? Five. Right. Sweet.

SPEAKER_09 35:02

Sweet minute. Woo!

SPEAKER_05 35:07

That's all I have for uh our main topic.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Damn, we just scrambling up all the segments, ain't like I'm all over the place today.

SPEAKER_08 35:15

I'm all over the place every day. Yeah. Yeah, that was deep. Yeah. You're a thinker.

SPEAKER_05 35:23

I like also your boundary setting for it. For me, as a reformed people pleaser.

SPEAKER_09 35:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

Reformed yes man.

SPEAKER_09 35:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 35:35

I realized that sometimes I avoided bringing up the offense because I was trying to not have somebody get their voice.

SPEAKER_08 35:48

Yeah, I've done that too.

SPEAKER_05 35:50

Right? And that's not me giving them grace now. That's now creating a avoidant and lack of accountability. And they need that. Somebody giving grace to needs. We should be able to bring that to the table every time until it's been resolved.

SPEAKER_08 36:08

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't like conflict and stuff. So I can get like that too. Um while I was like that. I really haven't been lately. So, which is something I'm still working on, but I'm doing pretty good with it, I think. Yeah. Some things are not worth me saying anything about. For sure. And um, some things I'm just like, I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I'm gonna go ahead and put that in the box and save it for later. I can't save it for later.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

That's cool. In the file.

SPEAKER_08 36:43

Yeah. Yep. I gotcha. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I don't want to feel uncomfortable. I don't want to be. I'm not gonna be. I said before, I'm gonna be sitting here mad because of some shit you're doing, yeah, and and not say anything about it. I'm not mad. Just to not get you upset. Fuck you, you're upset at me.

SPEAKER_09 37:07

Yeah, I'm thirsty too.

SPEAKER_05 37:08

I'm so like big on so thirsty.

SPEAKER_07 37:11

I'm like, what my jury?

SPEAKER_05 37:15

Um, yeah. Um I guess for me, I'm just I'm just grateful. Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is I'm grateful that you have those type of boundaries that you set in how you give grace so that you're not depleting your own jar.

SPEAKER_08 37:31

I've done it.

SPEAKER_05 37:32

Yeah. Lesson learned. Yeah, for sure.

unknown 37:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 37:40

Leave me alone, leave me out of that.

SPEAKER_09 37:44

No, three, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four.

SPEAKER_07 37:52

That came on hot seat. You did, right? Hot seat on you neckle. It's the hot seat.

SPEAKER_08 38:05

See something because oh shit, my name.

SPEAKER_04 38:09

We got a spinner. Oh no.

SPEAKER_08 38:11

No, I need to get that spinner. Try to get tried to pick these names off the boat.

SPEAKER_05 38:16

It's like nah, I'm not, but leave it to chance.

SPEAKER_08 38:22

Okay, here we go, guys. It's that's down. It's that's down.

SPEAKER_04 38:34

Here we go.

SPEAKER_06 38:37

Sweating already.

SPEAKER_08 38:42

Look through my notes here. There's a question. If you could become rich overnight, but someone you didn't know would have to die. You pressing that button. Don't look at me, bitch. I ain't a hot seat. Stefan, you're pressing the button.

SPEAKER_05 39:18

I'm pushing it.

SPEAKER_08 39:20

I thought about that, been thinking about it.

SPEAKER_05 39:24

All I have to do is push the button, and I'm you don't know who.

SPEAKER_08 39:30

Well, you don't know the person. But that's do you know what I was thinking about it? Like, damn, what if it's like a kid or a baby or wicked.

SPEAKER_01 39:48

Wicked. Yeah. Would I do it? I probably would do it. I probably would too. I can't even lie. Overnight? Like the checks and then I'm doing it. Fuck.

SPEAKER_08 40:03

I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

You're not gonna do it. It's awesome, Risa. Here's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_08 40:10

Thank you. I mean, you guys are awesome too.

SPEAKER_05 40:15

Kill somebody for some bread though.

SPEAKER_08 40:16

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_05 40:18

That's tough.

SPEAKER_08 40:19

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_05 40:20

I wouldn't put yeah. Damn, I need to work on that.

SPEAKER_08 40:28

God damn.

SPEAKER_05 40:29

Next question. Next question. Yeah, I answered the question.

SPEAKER_08 40:33

You did good.

SPEAKER_07 40:38

It would be you again. Alright.

SPEAKER_08 40:44

I need to stop doing that.

SPEAKER_05 40:47

Never change, though.

SPEAKER_08 40:51

Hmm. I don't know if you're gonna. I always get weird about asking this question. What's an opinion that you have that will get you canceled? Not canceled, maybe destroyed. Online. I did it again. How many people have you asked this question?

SPEAKER_05 41:16

This might be a little polarizing, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I think marriage is between man and woman. I think the word marry means to blend two things together. You put oil and vinegar in a jar, you are marrying the two. You can't put oil and oil in a jar. And you just have oil. So just a smaller thing. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna deepen, but no, don't.

SPEAKER_08 41:50

But I get it.

SPEAKER_05 41:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 41:55

That was kind of cancel for that.

SPEAKER_05 41:58

But that's just my speaking your truth.

SPEAKER_08 42:00

Yeah, I mean, it is what it is, and everybody believes what they believe, feels how they feel, and I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

I think it's just science binary.

SPEAKER_08 42:11

And people can agree to disagree. Yeah, for sure. Okay, I don't think I think that's how you feel about it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Hi, Naila. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Not too much, not too much on my way. Not the way, not the way. Come over here. Come over to this side. Oh my god, not that way. It's okay. Okay, I know. I know. Okay, bye-bye. All right. Thanks for answering.

SPEAKER_04 42:40

I was fucking up.

SPEAKER_07 42:43

That's why I'm like, I didn't want to ask it for so long, but like, let us get a little comfortable first. In the party.

SPEAKER_08 42:51

Just so I can make you uncomfortable. Let's make Risa uncomfortable now. Oh heavens. Relax. What's something that you've done in a relationship that you would have liked done to you? I'll just ask for this question.

SPEAKER_05 43:22

No wrong.

SPEAKER_08 43:23

No, no. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:26

Yeah, but no.

SPEAKER_08 43:28

Um, I guess if I really had to say, I guess it would be me minimizing the way somebody felt about something that I did or said. Like a behavior that I had. You've been really like owning that, I feel like. Yeah. That's few episodes. Congrats. Because like for a long time. I'm like because I'm so like laid back and relaxed, I think I'm just cool. You know what I mean? And it's just not true. I mean, it is true that I'm like laid back and cool and shit, but that's not cool to be doing to somebody. Like because I'm not like overly like excitable and things like that. So it's like if you're so passionate about something and feel away about something, and I don't agree that it's that important doesn't mean that it's really not that important.

SPEAKER_09 44:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:40

Especially for you. And I shouldn't um minimize somebody's feelings that way.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 44:48

So like somebody said to me.

SPEAKER_08 44:54

Oh shit. Sorry guys. Somebody said to me, um, just because you're loud doesn't mean you're right. Cool. But just because you're calm and not saying anything doesn't mean you're right, motherfucker. Right. You know? That's true. That's real shit.

SPEAKER_04 45:14

You said it back.

SPEAKER_08 45:16

Mm-hmm.

unknown 45:17

I love that.

SPEAKER_08 45:18

Of course I said it back. Do you know who I am? Need that AK. You just want to sit here and hold hands. I know. Real forceful. Yeah. She's like, just shut up and do it. Seriously. Well, that was hot seat. Players. It was a little hot knuckle cow. Yeah. You ready? Would you rather we're here ready?

SPEAKER_05 45:49

I would rather go on to the next segment.

SPEAKER_08 45:53

No more hot seat. Sizzling on you, hoes.

SPEAKER_04 45:58

It was great.

SPEAKER_08 45:59

Would you rather give up fried food forever or dessert forever? Fried food. I mean dessert. Easy. Dessert. Oh. Fried food. Either. I'd give up fried food for sure.

unknown 46:18

Sorry.

SPEAKER_08 46:18

I'm gonna have me some dessert. They both make you fat. I mean, you could have some healthy desserts like sorbet's and things like that, especially if you're like making your own things. You can have healthy fried foods too.

SPEAKER_05 46:31

It's like I mean avocado oil.

SPEAKER_08 46:35

Yeah, I do I do like use coconut oil. Shit don't taste the same. Yeah, I know that. Avocado oil is pretty close. Coconut. Maybe peanut oil. Mm-mm. For my fries.

SPEAKER_05 46:47

Oh mean, oh, you're talking about like, yeah, I guess. No, but still, I would pick fried fruits over dessert. You can pan fry things. Can you imagine? Never being able to fry eggs? Hell no.

SPEAKER_08 47:01

Oh man. I like Nissan fried eggs. Never. I like scrambled eggs. Gotta fried. And poached. Poached. You don't have to poach that. I mean fry that. Yeah. No. I give fucking poach. I can. Yeah. I'm not into it. I need to go with a cheesecake.

SPEAKER_07 47:23

Yeah. Brunch me. Tomorrow.

SPEAKER_08 47:29

Yeah, I like it. Give me a poached egg. Give me two. Maybe three. Some toast. Eggs make me vomit. That's sad. But I love them. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_05 47:42

I live on eggs.

SPEAKER_08 47:44

I like steak and eggs.

SPEAKER_05 47:46

Like six of them. Wow. Trying to be like guest on.

SPEAKER_08 47:49

I don't have to keep padding eggs. Six eggs is again insane. You're not gonna force me to. I do. Neither. We're trying to do a shout. Look at her. Look at her.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

Just stay.

SPEAKER_08 48:00

Be cool. We love you.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

Thank you. Nope.

SPEAKER_08 48:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:06

Boundaries.

SPEAKER_08 48:07

Absolutely. No. Not by a long shot.

SPEAKER_04 48:14

Come on now.

SPEAKER_08 48:15

Okay. Next. Next one. Would you rather cook every meal or wash dishes forever? I don't mind washing dishes. I do love me a good dishwasher. But I do find I'd rather cook some relaxation in washing dishes. And just like listening to my music and vibe and I'm t I get tired of my hands being wet. Yeah, I'd rather cook every day.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

I don't want to wash the fucking dishes. I thoroughly enjoy enjoy cooking. I do. So I'm I'll cook. You do the dishes. I can do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 48:56

I don't sometimes doing the dishes is therapy.

SPEAKER_05 49:00

Cooking every day.

SPEAKER_08 49:01

Yeah. I mean, I that's fine. Every meal.

SPEAKER_05 49:05

Every meal, bro. Fuck it. Getting up, making them eggs.

SPEAKER_08 49:10

But I cook every meal and then wash the dishes, right?

SPEAKER_05 49:14

Bullshit. Bullshit, bro. I hate that for you.

SPEAKER_08 49:17

I don't mind it. I gotta keep that kitchen clean. Yeah. And that's just the best way to do it. Yeah. But I hate washing dishes. My mom knows it. It's a good one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:31

I don't know why I just brought mom into it.

SPEAKER_08 49:34

Leave her out of this. Would you rather eat healthy every day or eat whatever you want, but exercise daily? I'd rather eat healthy, honestly. You could exercise and still not be healthy. Yeah, I'd rather eat healthy too. It feels good. Yeah. Absolutely. And you smell better. Yeah. Absolutely. And your energy levels are higher. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. So we agree. Agreed. Well, that's all I have for Would You Rather? Would you rather? Those are fountains. Yeah. Try to keep it a little lighthearted this time. Yeah, chill the fuck out.

SPEAKER_05 50:13

I've been not lighthearted at all.

SPEAKER_08 50:15

I don't they weren't?

SPEAKER_05 50:18

Well, my questions or thoughts or segments.

SPEAKER_08 50:21

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 50:22

You know, in the deep end.

SPEAKER_08 50:24

Yeah, for sure. That's cool. We need that. Yeah. We're waiting. Like, are you so recording? I'm just gonna cut it out. Alright. Um, yeah, it's alright though. We need those. It's not like we're being serious the whole time anyway. You can Yeah. They're gonna be talking about death. We gotta be talking about real shit.

SPEAKER_07 50:52

Super unserious.

SPEAKER_05 51:00

Yeah, some of my topics have been layered.

SPEAKER_08 51:04

Yeah, for sure. Speaking of people who have that.

SPEAKER_05 51:13

Um my question is, if you're not married, why do you expect loy loyalty like you are? If you're not I'm coming for the boyfriends and the girlfriends of the world today. Nice. I believe you're single if you're not married.

SPEAKER_08 51:36

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 51:38

Like, hence why I think everybody is for everybody, especially in the dating pool.

SPEAKER_08 51:43

Yeah. Gross.

SPEAKER_05 51:44

If you're not married, why are you expecting loyalty like you are?

SPEAKER_08 51:50

People are selfish.

SPEAKER_05 51:52

How dare you expect somebody to be fully devoted to you when you have no intention on locking that down. That stuff is sacred. It's supposed to be for specific people in your life.

SPEAKER_08 52:08

One of the last dates I had with my ex, he pretty much told me he doesn't want to marry me. Damn. So there's that's very hurtful. That's intense. Like, so like our last date was like where our first date was. And that's pretty much what he said. I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_05 52:33

So to that, not to but to that point, how can you expect loyalty from me?

SPEAKER_08 52:40

Yeah. Well, what am I doing all that for me? What are we doing here anyway? Nothing.

SPEAKER_05 52:46

Nothing. Therefore, I don't owe you loyalty because Right.

SPEAKER_08 52:51

Why are you forming attachments with people and then just right, vanishing?

unknown 52:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

I'm getting angry.

SPEAKER_05 53:02

I got questions.

SPEAKER_07 53:04

Get it mad.

SPEAKER_05 53:05

I got questions. I want to know. Is it that we've dumbed down loyalty to some shallow thing we just say?

SPEAKER_08 53:13

Absolutely. A lot of people have, and that's why I said I hate that word. Yeah. I hate a lot of words, and I don't hate words. But because people have beat them to fucking death, yeah, saying it, they want to do this, they are this, but you're not. You're doing everything but that.

SPEAKER_04 53:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 53:33

That's why I always say I need to see something. I need to see actions and feel the genuine want to want to do those things and be those things.

SPEAKER_09 53:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 53:48

I think playing house is a very dangerous game to play.

SPEAKER_08 53:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 53:54

I think people should enjoy singleness and singlehood as a sphere of life or realm, as a place that you experience.

SPEAKER_08 54:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:04

Just as deeply, just as emotionally as you would if you are married, which is an entirely different situation.

SPEAKER_08 54:11

Right. Like, I don't know. I feel like there's too much, too many expectations when you're just dating. Yeah. We're pretty much just dating, but doing way too much.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

Yeah. Stop moving in together.

SPEAKER_05 54:29

Fucking each other if you're not in a serious committed relationship. I'm gonna still do that.

SPEAKER_09 54:36

But all right.

SPEAKER_05 54:41

And I say that not because I'm telling you what to do with your life, but there is a measure. There's a standard.

SPEAKER_09 54:48

For sure.

SPEAKER_05 54:49

By and large, in society, here in the western and here on all over on the east, we still believe as people that marriage is the epitome of all male-female relationships.

SPEAKER_07 55:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:02

We still believe that. Therefore, there's a measure that we can all hold ourselves to. If you go there with somebody, I'm I'm doing it too, I'm guilty. But you don't have any real intention behind How can you expect loyalty from them?

SPEAKER_08 55:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:24

You should allow them, you should release them instead of holding them prisoner to go live their life.

SPEAKER_08 55:30

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 55:32

And not get offended if they go and and not be dismayed if they don't choose you.

SPEAKER_08 55:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:39

And hold your composure as somebody that you choose.

SPEAKER_08 55:42

You're not choosing me. Right. Like, what are we like the games we play?

SPEAKER_05 55:47

It's an interesting thing to think about. I think like Crystal said, we've dumb down and beat the worded loyalty to death, so we don't understand how intense that thing is that you're asking a person to do.

SPEAKER_08 55:59

Yeah, perspective has definitely shifted since my last relationship. Like just things that I'll accept, things that I want to be involved in or don't. It's just um very just turned off lately, I find myself. So you know, I've been dating. I mean, not recently, I feel like I've just No, I don't feel like either. I've been to myself, but it is because and call it delusional. But if I'm not sure where the shit's heading, I'm not taking it seriously. Like, yeah, I need you to tell me I want to talk to you to see if you're someone that I want to marry Tai Chi or wanna be with, and and we're dating. Yeah, we're not. Oh, this is rough. Yeah, brain not committing to shit until I have a ring on my finger, and that gets a little rough too, because then people will have the opinion of oh, but you gotta date each other and all that.

SPEAKER_05 57:12

Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_08 57:14

But like, how can just that person? How do you know that you just want this person or whatever?

SPEAKER_05 57:20

Because don't put that on another human being though.

SPEAKER_08 57:24

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 57:26

And don't put it on yourself. Allow yourself to meet, network, develop friendships with people. Yeah, release them to be who they need to be. Stop trying to jump into monogamy or exclusive relationships with people.

SPEAKER_08 57:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:45

Because you can't stay with yourself.

SPEAKER_08 57:50

That's a a big issue that a lot of people don't want to admit.

SPEAKER_05 57:56

Right? Because you're asking someone to give you marriage-level loyalty, yeah, and you're dating them and other people.

SPEAKER_08 58:06

Yeah. It's the like you got eyes for everybody.

SPEAKER_05 58:13

Just say that's where you're at.

SPEAKER_07 58:15

Mm-hmm. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:17

Yeah. I want to read the definition of loyalty. Loyalty is the steadfast emotional or binding commitment to a person caused duty or organization often involving dedication through difficult circumstances. Key components include trust, integrity, and consistent action. While benefits range from a stronger relationship to enhanced trust and reduced turnover, it functions as a foundational bond, sometimes rooted in duty or devotion. That's what we're asking people who are not married to.

SPEAKER_07 58:54

That's a lot. No. Oh, hell no.

SPEAKER_05 59:02

I'm not doing that. Why are you asking that from somebody else? Buddy. Why are you asking that from somebody else?

SPEAKER_08 59:09

Because people don't know the definition. No. It's a word, it sounds good, if it's whatever fucking.

SPEAKER_05 59:14

I wouldn't even want that from another person who I'm not married to.

SPEAKER_08 59:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 59:18

That is a lot to hold.

SPEAKER_08 59:20

Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of responsibility on both parts. You have to be able to now you have these expectations. And that's what on pretty much a situation shit.

SPEAKER_05 59:34

That's what marriage, the container of marriage is meant to hold.

SPEAKER_08 59:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 59:38

That heavy.

SPEAKER_08 59:40

Yeah. Yeah. Not some flighty shit. Come on now. Y'all dumb. I've been dumb before.

SPEAKER_05 59:50

Me too. It's something that I'm actively putting in my relic my friendships with people, especially with women right now. I don't. That's why I don't say I'm jealous or I expect you to have different friendships with other people, other men. Even if I'm choosing to date you, I'm not calling you my exclusive, my person. Right. I'm not married to you. I've been married before, so I know what that shit looks like. Yeah. It's a whole different ballgame. Most people don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:17

Most people can't hold the weight of what I just said to you.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:20

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:22

Therefore, I release you to go live the life that you want. I'm not super possessive anyway. And I'm learning to grow to understand who you are. So it might come a time that I want to choose to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to bear witness to your life, and I would like for you to do the same. And in that space, I'm asking for loyalty.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:48

Steadfastness through difficult times.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:50

Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:56

I don't know. Some people just don't get it.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:59

And if you don't got it by now, then you probably just think it.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:05

But then that's why I'm alone. Because it did be 10 times.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:08

If you're single, you're not alone. We love you.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:11

I love you too. But you know what the fuck I mean. I want my person. I'm bored. I can't do shit with you guys that I can do with my person. God damn it. Heard. And you know, I just, like I said, I'd be all in. So I'd rather stay by myself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:31

And I think that's the message that I would like to come out of the debate club today. Like it's okay to be single.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:37

Yes. It's okay to be alone.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:39

If you're dating, they're not your husband. If you're dating, they're not your wife.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:43

You are not obligated to do wife shit or husband shit for the person that you're dating. People are doing it. In your own rights, you should still carry yourself as such.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:53

Right, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:55

The person that you're dating is looking at that potential. That's attractive to them.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:02

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:03

Damn, that man carries himself well. Damn, she carries herself like a wife. I want to keep getting to know her.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:10

In hopes to one day. But never at that point am I asking you to be exclusive, only talk to me, only give me all your attention.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:21

No, I want to see what you what you would rather do.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:25

And if you're relating to me, I would hope that you would see things in me that you want to continue to you know.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:32

Same thing on the other side with women. Like that time, I just hate that. I feel like guys don't really be honest. I mean, I know women don't be honest either, but about what? About like talking to multiple people. Like, or if you say something about they just won't respond or what are you talking to that nigga for? Yeah, or like that, because I'll be super transparent. Like, listen, we're not married. If you're talking to other people, you're talking to other people. Cool. I would hope that if I really like you and we're vibing and you really like me, then you just want to talk to me at a point. I'm very comfortable in myself. But it's funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:12

Uh pretty. By emotion.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:15

You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:15

Right.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:16

Yeah. I'm doing things.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:18

And it's not even no cocky shit. But I don't need to feel, I'm not in competition with nobody but myself daily. I promise. So if you rather go talk to a be with somebody else, that's fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:33

Right.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:34

I can be a lot. Not in a bad way. And I know that.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:38

I agree.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:40

So better get me while I'm hot. Yeah, a lot for sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:49

That's all I have for debate club.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:51

Like it. That was a good one. I played my intro one last time. This is the last week. Do it for the last uh We love you, Mace. This is a classic. Shout out to Pastor Mace.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:06

Shout out. I never respected niggas in the streets. That's why I always got the problems I got. People tell me Mace, chill. No, chills for what? Who is this nigga?

SPEAKER_08 1:04:17

It's this nigga. Chillin'? I never chillin'.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:24

Oh, talk your shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:25

Talk your shit. You know what I want to talk my shit about? RB music. I love RB music to its core. I just know it's all malarky.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:39

Here we go. Yep. Break it down, brother Ben Wall.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:43

Care to you. Maybe I just want you my um stay stretched away from you.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:50

Wait, bring it back.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:52

Making sure that I'm doing my biggest.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:53

There are women who are doing that for men.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:58

Are you? We're just a single luther.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:01

If this were my I would place at your feet. Liars. Oh that um.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:13

I just know that. Nigga ain't bigger than me. And so it sounds really good, and I love the artistic qualities of it. I just know that niggas is not coming like that for real.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:22

Oh, that's sad. Some people are. I have hope. Somebody's doing it. Somebody's doing it somewhere. Don't tell me that.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:31

Niggas is not coming for like I'm doing it. By and large, it's not like that. I want to.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:36

We don't even like listening to people like sing anymore for real. It's not a thing. Back then there wasn't. Right. Maybe fifties and uh before.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:54

Sixties and all niggas is not there before that, bro. It's just not, I just think. It's all fake. And as a hopeless romantic, I want it to be true. I want to meet somebody who wants to cater to me. I would love that. I would love to give the world that I have to. I would love that.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:12

But I don't know if that's real and it bothers me because they push that love shit. It's so good.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:19

Love saves all. Yeah, but. Like, stop it, please. Because I've been in love and threw a fucking humidifier at a nigga.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:31

I was fear in love and more.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:33

I done threw my whole car at a nigga.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:37

Yeah, bitch, you wild. Reckless. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:41

That was it about today. Do better, guys.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:45

Stop lying. Do what they say.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:49

In the music.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:51

In the movies. It's supposed to be happily ever after.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:55

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:55

What are we doing?

SPEAKER_08 1:06:58

Anyway. Yeah. Sure. Sometimes I lock my kids out of my bedroom. Because I want to be alone. I like to decompress. I need to take care of myself. Fuck off, kid. You're chilling. Leave me be.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:23

Self-sufficient though.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:26

Yeah. Especially her kids. Y'all bigger than all dead ass.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:33

They are. Separating. She's tiny, but she's the oldest. And she'd be running shit. Leave me be.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:45

Give me like a good hour. Don't call my name. Don't knock on my door.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:52

The knock.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:54

Don't even wonder where I'm at.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:56

That's insane. I love you to life. I need that time though.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:01

I need it. I get it. I'm doing this for us. Yeah. Yep. So I don't crash out on your ass. Yeah, for sure. Stay safe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take care of each other. Stay safe, kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:19

That's real.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:20

Yeah. It feels good too.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:24

Also, I I remember being a kid. And as an adult now, I get needing to pause the shit.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:38

Yes. Fuck the kids, bro. And I posted some shit, I think yesterday, maybe today, I don't know. And it said, um, these kids are too annoying to be keeping them away from their daddies on purpose. Yo, come. Get him. I'm begging. I was trying to get him to come get him today. Like, I'm gonna start sending Gia with duck when he takes Ellie. I'm get out. I told him too.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:13

I said, you're gonna you might have to start taking Gia. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:16

She was with me the other night. I said, I'm so tired of these damn kids. She's laying in the bed. She looks at me and she's like, You mean your kids? I know you ain't tired of me. You must be crazy. Tired of me. Girl, you the main one. Yes. The main. Like, what the heck? And she's a Leo Lord.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:39

Oh, everything's about her.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:42

Fucking GSH. That's crazy. For sure. Shit. My talk your shit. I don't like when people judge someone before getting to know them. That happens so often. Yeah. Let's stop doing that. Yeah. Let's stop judging people because you're jealous. Or because Can we judge after? Yeah. Let's find out what kind of person they are first. Or because they look a little different than you. Or do things that you don't do. That you don't find is the norm. Just stop fucking judging people, man. Mind your business. It's real closed-minded. That was another one I had on the list. Let's just blend it. That's closed-minded to me. And that's sad. You lived in a prison. Yeah. Open your mind. Open your life. 2026. The versatility that's out here is unmeasurable.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:46

Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:48

So.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:49

Yeah. Stop fucking judging.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:52

Get to know people. People are cool. Yeah. I gotta get a t-shirt that just says yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And for sure. For sure. Attitude and gratitude. Oh should we calm it down? Talk your shits. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:16

Those were pretty.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:18

That'd be good.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:19

Why do you just look like that? Talk your shits. Plural.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:24

Good talk your shits. Yeah. Shits talk shits. Over here, shits talking. All right, good. G fuck, what's going on today? Goofy goobers. Spit it out. I literally don't get into it till like sixteen seconds and it's eighteen seconds long. Start feeling it. Welcome to Health, Wealth, and Positivity.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:16

Happy to be here. That was rude.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:21

I don't know if I am. I am.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:25

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. And so this is a fun fact for you all. Chronic stress can affect memory, mood, and physical health, not just emotions.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:42

So think about that next time you stress. Think about it. Silent killer. Yeah, for sure. Stop stressing. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:52

I've also realized that taking care of my body has helped me realize that I need to take care of here as well. Absolutely. When we go on hikes, I'm in the woods and I'm moving my body, especially when we're into it and it starts to hurt.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:05

I'm now thinking, I'm like, damn, I gotta push through this. And then I start thinking up here. There's a lot going on.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:12

Processing shit, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_08 1:13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:15

So yeah. I do.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:17

Those hikes ain't no joke. You get to hurt and you like contemplating shit, bro. Can you bring a car in here?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:26

You gotta walk back.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:30

Can't stay here. That first cat skill, Johan bro. I was worried, but he fucking hobbled to the end of that. You did with them dumbass boots. I was like, I know his feet hurt. I felt so bad.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:44

L L B can do better. Those were the wrong boots for that.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:47

Yeah, but remember my book. I was about to say, nigga, you do better. You had the wrong boots on.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:52

I've done better.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:53

You have. Good job. It's okay. You live and you learn. Yeah, lessons. Go ahead. Security feels better than status. Multiple income streams can increase financial security during emergencies. Yeah. Live and proof. Yeah. For sure. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:14

Which helps with overall stress.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:16

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:18

100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:22

Last one. Peace is not in the absence of problems, it's the presence of boundaries. People who focus on solutions instead of problems recover from setbacks faster. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:38

That's good.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:41

Problem solvers. Shout out to the problem solvers of the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:46

Focus on solutions.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:48

Yeah. Don't just sit in that.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:50

Yeah. That should be motivation. I receive that.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:57

Good.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:58

Peace is not the absence of problems.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:02

I receive that. It's not. There's always gonna be fucking problems. I'm at peace in my life right now.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:08

And should I am too what it is.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:09

So things are gonna come up. Yeah. It's just how you navigate through them. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. So that's all I have for you guys for health, health, and positivity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:24

That was great.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:26

Mm-hmm. I receive all of it.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:28

Great.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:29

Every last one.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:31

God.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:31

What an episode. What an episode.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:34

I feel like it was jam-packed, but we've only been talking for like an hour.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:37

I know. That's crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:39

It's like way longer than that.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:42

Yeah, because I did so good at that game.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:44

Here we go.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:47

It's like pushed just right through.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:49

You were solid for a minute, brother.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:53

One game and then the next one.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:55

Yeah, he was genuinely upset. Oh. I was embarrassed. I should know the fucking juice. I should know that.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:01

The fuck.

unknown 1:16:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:02

But you've been embarrassed.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:04

That's my fault.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:05

I've been embarrassed, for sure. Okay, guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:09

I had a good episode. It was great.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:10

Yeah. You guys got time to make a comeback.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:13

Yeah. Next episode. I for sure will. Next episode. Or you will. One of us. Or maybe the both of you.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:21

It'll be a screen.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:23

Yeah. I won't scream. I thought about it. I won't. Anyway, that wraps up another bomb ass episode of the Wholesome Menace Podcast. Don't forget to like, follow, share, tell a friend.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:40

Do the things.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:41

Call us. 802-319-9133. Come on, guys. We miss you. We love you. Hit us up, man. We want to talk to you guys. Opinions. Topics. Stories. Stories for sure. Tell us some stories.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:00

Juicy ones, we need them.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:01

Yeah. Tell us. Yeah. So we can read it on here and have a lot. Or if you want some advice, I think we're pretty smart. Yeah. I'll try to be serious when I tell you.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:13

Whatever's going on. We do put a favorite of buttons to our show, so if you got some shit going on, I'm curious. For sure. We might have some shit to say about it.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:23

So we tell you guys our shit. Tell us yours. Alright, guys. Well, that's it for tonight. Be wholesome, but don't forget to be in Menace place.