The Man Behind the Father

Fatherhood doesn’t erase the man—it adds to him. This Father’s Day, we’re talking about the realities of being a father, the expectations men carry, and the importance of recognizing the person behind the title. Because dads are more than providers, protectors, and problem-solvers—they’re people too.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

What's your thing though? Really good food?

SPEAKER_05 0:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:12

Wait, do we gotta do a real nigga handshake now? I don't know how to do that. I'll be like Popcorn later.

SPEAKER_05 0:28

I don't know if I trust somebody with slap snaps doing the handshake. You like that look?

SPEAKER_04 0:44

What do you like that?

SPEAKER_03 0:53

I do like someone's gonna be in the whole. Yeah, you dress really nice. You do, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:04

Flashing things.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Yeah, with sparkles on the thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:09

I don't know what they're gonna be coming back to, but it's all the main thing just then show up.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Yeah, don't do that. And all them like colorful shit and dollar signs and all that.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

Yeah. Let it come around. Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 1:33

So I gotta bust it up in the Can you leave some room for your balls?

SPEAKER_04 1:42

They are pretty big.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

Pretty big.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

Yeah, funny as hell.

SPEAKER_05 1:54

Are you changing your name? These ladies are outrageous today. This is what they think about us. This is what they think.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, we're really over.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

I'm gonna worry about it.

SPEAKER_04 2:50

How about me? Can you hear me? From here?

SPEAKER_05 2:53

From there, yeah. Sounds a little airy. Bring it down a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

Bring it down?

SPEAKER_05 2:58

Yeah, your mic that you can bring it close to it, please.

SPEAKER_04 3:02

Almost called some to it. I feel weird. I'm gonna end up taking these boots off. Maybe Sus.

SPEAKER_05 3:07

Oh, you're good.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

You can't even tell me because my shit doesn't isn't up against the wall how I guess.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Sit on the edge.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

Everybody ready? Everybody ready?

SPEAKER_00 3:18

We're ready to go. Hello, and welcome back. Don't fuck with that. Just wanna be okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

Hello, and welcome to the wholesome menace podcast. I'm your host, Christopher Marie. Stop. We got your host, Big Reese. Here you go. Steph.

SPEAKER_05 3:53

What's going on, folks?

SPEAKER_04 3:54

And please introduce our guest today.

SPEAKER_05 3:57

We have, for the very first time, Mr. Kenny in the building.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

Welcome. Welcome, Kenny.

SPEAKER_05 4:03

Kenny's one of our local barbers and also the co-assistant director for the community fathers organization is Connectity.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

Love that. So dope.

SPEAKER_05 4:14

And I thought it was gonna be really, really cool as a Father's Day episode to have somebody in our community come through and speak on the things that dads are actually doing for the community. Yeah. Because, like I say all the time, dads get the shit out of the sticks. So in light of that, I thought it was important to have somebody who's boots to the ground doing this thing for real.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Yeah, I can't wait to hear about it. Yeah. Same. Been looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_05 4:40

Yeah. Other than that, how's your week been, ladies? Or gentlemen, what the heck's going on here?

SPEAKER_04 4:47

My god.

SPEAKER_05 4:48

Who wants to start? They grew a beard overnight.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Actually, in a few minutes. You guys jealous? No. Obviously, we're doing this because this is our Father's Day episode, and we wanted to be extra for the guys. We love you. Happy Father's Day, guys. Yes, happy Father's Day. Received that to all the great dads out there. My week was insane. I'm almost sad. She's sweating. But yeah. But my car overheated. Just a lot of things happening. Had me in my bag, but I got through it.

SPEAKER_08 5:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

And here we are. I don't want to get into all into all the bad things. Yeah. Thanks for coming to Saver Dad. Yes. Shout out to Verge. He helped me out.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

Coming through in a pinch.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Yeah. Came right to the job. It was great.

SPEAKER_05 5:39

My week has been pretty great. The kids just got back on Friday.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 5:44

So now it's been a little over a week since they've been back here.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:47

And I've been full dad mode all day, all night. My kids are in, they've been living in Arizona for the last few months since my wife and I are separated or divorced. And I haven't seen them. And it sucked. Because I love my kids dearly, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:07

But it's been good being back with them, sleeping with them, smelling them.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Right. Love that. Interacting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:15

Breaking up fights. Yeah. Gotta love that. Had a good time. What about you later?

SPEAKER_04 6:24

My week's been standard. Smooth. She's always having a smooth Yeah, I know I live a soft life. I am chilling. Soft life. Yeah. I'll just be chilling. I love that. Drop the kids off, pick them up, make dinner, bring them home. Yeah. And just relax.

SPEAKER_06 6:43

What about you? Life really doesn't to me flow like the weak. It's just like consistent. So I'm good at it. Yeah. I'm healthy. Family's good. We can play.

SPEAKER_05 6:55

Yeah. Yeah. I resonate with that. Sounds peaceful. On that note, let's get into some attitude and gratitude. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

All right.

SPEAKER_05 7:20

Alright, before we get into fatherhood, let's actually find out who we can actually trust in our lives, or who rather is the most trustworthy person in the room.

SPEAKER_08 7:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

The reason why I'm bringing up trust is because I think fatherhood is fundamentally about trust. Can your kids trust you? Can your partner trust you? Can your community trust you? And really ultimately, can you trust yourself to be the person that you say that you are? Yeah. That's why I think it kind of boils down to. There's more to it than that, but we're gonna play a game. How trusting are you? I'm gonna give you guys 20 statements, and you guys are gonna rate them from one to five. One being I strongly disagree, and five being I strongly agree. Okay. That's why I want you to bring out your phones. Every time you make a tally, push the number and push plus.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

Alright? Ready? And then we're gonna score. And then we're gonna see where we're at. Who's the untrusting one in the room? Y'all ready? Tell me when y'all ready.

SPEAKER_04 8:24

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05 8:25

Alright, let's go. Question number one. When I meet someone new, I generally assume they have good intentions. One through five. Next question. I'm ready. Alright. Just add and hit a plus. Okay. Yep. I can share personal information without needing months of proof first.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Say that again.

SPEAKER_05 8:56

I can share personal information without needing months of proof first.

SPEAKER_04 9:05

Proof if you can trust the person with it.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

Those of you who are at home, you can play along with you. Number three, I rarely assume someone is trying to deceive me. Number four. If a friend cancels plans unexpectedly, I usually believe their explanation. I believe most of the people most of the time. If someone disappoints me once, I'm willing to give them another chance.

SPEAKER_04 10:11

You're out of here, buddy.

SPEAKER_05 10:13

For real. I don't automatically assume silence means something is wrong. There we go. Just be cool. Just be cool, bro. I can accept an apology without needing to see immediate proof of change. I don't know. Alright, ready number 10. When someone says they care about me, I tend to believe them. Yeah, 10 more. This is out of a scale of 100. We need a final scale.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Yeah, yeah. I like this.

SPEAKER_05 10:55

Yeah? I don't feel the need to verify everything people tell me. Next one. Right. Right. I can ask for help without worrying. It will be used against me later. Is there a negative number for this? I'm comfortable letting others make decisions that affect me.

SPEAKER_04 11:34

You really gotta be there.

SPEAKER_05 11:36

Right. Number fourteen, if someone doesn't respond right away, I don't immediately jump to negative conclusions when I don't fully understand their actions. I genuinely expect people to keep their word. I believe trust is something that should be offered before it's heard. And the last one. After being heard, I remain open to trusting new people. Alrighty. Alright, before you review your scores, because I'm gonna ask you to reveal your scores, who do you think is the most trusting person at this room in this room?

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Me?

SPEAKER_05 13:07

Big Chris?

SPEAKER_04 13:08

Christopher Christopher, for sure.

unknown 13:10

Me.

SPEAKER_05 13:12

You don't know us super, super well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 13:14

I'd say just myself, just because I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 13:19

Okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 13:20

But I think you.

SPEAKER_05 13:22

Okay. I wanted to say Reese.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

You know it ain't me. You know it ain't me.

SPEAKER_05 13:30

I just I mean big Reese. No. All right. All right. So what's your score, Reese? 50. Jesus. What's your score? Mine is not Jesus. Mine is 72. Super truck. Okay. Mine's a 67. 63.

SPEAKER_04 13:46

What I say. That's good.

SPEAKER_05 13:52

Um, that's good. Okay. Yeah. Now we know that Risa is the least trusted person in this room. He was super skeptical. Now I have a question. Did your score surprise you?

SPEAKER_04 14:04

No, mine didn't.

SPEAKER_05 14:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 14:06

I am really trusting. I give it. Excuse me. I give everybody a chance until you prove to me that I can't give you any chances. And I give people multiple chances. Right. Maybe thirds depending, but once I'm done with you, you're fucking done. Makes sense. Like I'm not doing it. So I can take it.

unknown 14:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

Yeah, I think she ain't sweet, but she really is. I'm not.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

My score kind of surprised me because I want to say that I'm more trusting than I obviously am.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:44

I want to say that I want to give people the ben the benefit of the doubt. More than obviously is true. Do you think like that score reflects wisdom or wounds?

SPEAKER_04 14:57

Maybe a little bit of both. You know, I'm yeah, I would say both.

SPEAKER_05 15:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:03

You got lessons from them wounds, and you don't want to be hurt like that again.

SPEAKER_05 15:08

So now the last question I have, do you feel like the people closest to you would rate you the same?

SPEAKER_04 15:18

Yeah. Not you, because you obviously think that I'm the most trusting. I don't know why you even think. She didn't get like 20 something.

SPEAKER_05 15:30

I trust you.

SPEAKER_04 15:31

I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. That's good. I'd let you catch me.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

It's just like 100%. I know. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:50

Seriously.

SPEAKER_04 15:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:53

That is funny as hell.

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Like that.

SPEAKER_05 15:56

A little exercise. Yeah, I think that it's important to one, be self-aware about where you're at. Obviously, you know I don't trust kids at all.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

Um, but also just in community, knowing what you are or what your personality type is, is super important, especially when you're thinking about attitude and gratitude. Because that reflects how you conduct yourself in public. In light of fatherhood, can your kids trust you enough to give you certain pieces of information that they would otherwise keep to just their friends' group in this future, right?

SPEAKER_04 16:29

Or maybe just one parent. Right. Because I've experienced that.

SPEAKER_05 16:33

Right. Is it that I'm only gonna tell dad this and I'm not gonna tell mom that?

SPEAKER_04 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:37

Because she's gonna bug out. Or vice versa. Right. You know, and that's all I have for attitude and gratitude. I like it. Leave your scores in the comments.

SPEAKER_04 16:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

Tell us are you trustworthy or not? Are you the untrustworthy?

SPEAKER_04 16:49

Are you trust these holes or not?

SPEAKER_05 16:52

Apparently I put some of it. Not much though.

SPEAKER_04 16:55

I trust you. The most trusting. Isn't that insane?

SPEAKER_05 17:02

Look at that.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

It's really not though.

SPEAKER_05 17:04

You're arguably the most menacing, too.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 17:08

Funny how those two things go hand in hand. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:12

Yeah, just don't fuck with me. We're good. Stay over there with that shit. Now it's time for your guys' favorite game.

SPEAKER_05 17:21

Let's go. Hey, you get it. Music. You like music? Not really trivia. Guess that. Name that tool, name that quote.

SPEAKER_06 17:35

Oh, I'm probably gonna. Stefan's not either. Don't even worry. My memory's harsh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

Mine is two, though. Bad memory. It's my heart disease. You're really good at the game. I am good. Let's see what you got. I am good. She's good. Yeah. Alright. Maybe we'll start you off with a quote first. Play it loud. Yo, I'm not gonna hold you guys. My laptop sucks. My new laptop. Are you good? No. It's the beard. No, my new laptop is not very loud. I'm gonna have to. Anyway. You got me getting all down about it. No, don't. Let's do it. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

And long after days. Always always make money.

unknown 18:32

Always.

SPEAKER_05 18:39

No. We got three tries. Wait ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

What's that before that try to get hit? And long after days.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

Nope. It is a very old movie. I know it is.

SPEAKER_05 19:01

Clothes will always be money.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

That's gonna be. Blue Hill Avenue? Yes! No!

SPEAKER_00 19:20

No! That's a real nigga!

SPEAKER_05 19:23

How did you know that? Wait. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

I gotta give her that.

SPEAKER_05 19:32

That was good. That was good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 19:36

Good job, bro. You never seen Blue Hill Avenue? Yeah, that's a classic. I like what's the name of this? Ratchet. Ratchet. It's not. It's a good movie. Is a classy hood movie that. Yeah, but Blue Hill Avenue. Yeah, that one's okay. That was good though. Yeah. Still classy. I like it. All right. Hit you with a tune. All right. Let me see. Y'all should be able to get this. Getaway. Which one did you say?

SPEAKER_06 20:14

Component or ego.

SPEAKER_04 20:15

No. What'd you say? I said getaway. I know it's in the hook, but that's not what the song is called. It is. It is. Five. That's so good, dog. Yeah, I'll play it again.

SPEAKER_06 20:29

No, I know. I gotta play it again.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

Yeah, my beauty. I just and I was like, I'm not gonna put that part in either, but I needed to put down there. I love that song. That's a good one. That's a classic. Yeah, it is. Alright. Hit you with another tune. I mean, well, quote.

SPEAKER_06 21:01

That's right. That's what um Denzel. Denzel, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

What is that? Is that the one where he snitched?

SPEAKER_01 21:11

It's American Gangster.

SPEAKER_06 21:13

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_05 21:15

That movie was fucking tough. It was so good.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

Russell Curl pissed me off. I love Russell Crow. He pissed me off with his thirsty ass.

SPEAKER_05 21:24

Yeah. In that movie. There's nothing that man plays that I don't believe that that's him.

SPEAKER_04 21:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:30

I believe him. Yeah. He's good. Yeah. Shout out to Denzel.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Yeah. Denzel.

SPEAKER_05 21:36

Denzel. Denzel.

SPEAKER_04 21:37

Yeah, but now he goes by Denzel. So what do we have? Another two?

SPEAKER_05 21:43

Yeah, let's get it.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Yeah, another two.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Fab. Oh, what's that called?

SPEAKER_04 21:58

It's called I'm hot.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

You don't know anything after that.

SPEAKER_05 22:16

Like afterwards, but I didn't catch any nest.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

I'll hit you when that's good. One more call.

SPEAKER_06 22:41

Is it a both of the red no? No, what do you mean can you do it?

SPEAKER_08 22:55

That was lit. That was lit.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 23:06

That's lit. You did great.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

That was all of them.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:15

Little wasn't just me by myself this time.

SPEAKER_05 23:18

It's never you by yourself. I'm here too.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

No, I'm just shitting on you. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 23:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Okay. It's here we go.

SPEAKER_05 23:30

The audience knows I'm not good at it.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

And he's good at this one. He is a little bit of a little bit of a little bit. We might ran here. Did we? Yeah, we just blew through segment two.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Anyway, welcome to the delusion Olympic. Same here looking. Now that I think about it, that was quick. Today we're gonna talk about the delusions surrounding fatherhood. Yeah, because some men are just out here celebrating potential. And I don't like that. Bring that presence, okay?

SPEAKER_04 24:21

First one, because I said so is apparently a legal binding argument. Delusion.

SPEAKER_05 24:31

Only when it's with my kids.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

It's delusional. Just because you said so doesn't mean you're right.

SPEAKER_05 24:38

That's why Winston looks at me like that. He's gonna be the one.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 24:48

Niggas becoming like that though.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Yeah, for sure. Moms too. Everybody older thinks they know better.

SPEAKER_05 24:55

Very delusional.

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Yeah. You only know what you know, I suppose. Only I know it all. Girl. Shut your mouth. Dads deserve praise for doing bare minimum.

SPEAKER_05 25:17

I think the bare minimum is a hundred percent. And if you're not giving a hundred percent, you're not giving the benefit. And that sh is worthy of praise. In my opinion. But I think a lot of men are not giving a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 25:36

That's where that might come into play because he's like here, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:42

But not really. Right. There's probably more than that than just being in the room.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, what are you teaching your children? Right. Like, real like of real value, what are you teaching them? That they can like go out into the life with.

SPEAKER_05 25:58

No. Do you think it's not delusional that dad should get praise?

SPEAKER_02 26:02

For doing bare minimum shit.

SPEAKER_06 26:04

There's so many families, there's so many women, so many kids that don't have no father. Yeah. So sometimes just that alone be enough. I mean, not to be, you know, it's a crown and a grand finale and a paradigm fireworks, but a present father, just myself, is respectful enough to say we appreciate praise, give kind of things in love too, because again, a lot of families, a lot of kids don't have their fathers. I've never even seen them. I think mothers, baby mothers, sisters.

SPEAKER_04 26:45

But that's the thing, like you have to be present. If you're not showing up, you don't deserve that praise. And not just financially. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_05 26:58

But I also agree with him. Dad in the house is better than that.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

That's not necessarily true. That's not I can't agree with that. My dad was a piece of shit to my mother. I couldn't wait till he got out the house. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's very complex. I mean, everybody's situation is different, but when you're just around and you're in the house, but you're out cheating on my and you're not helping her raise us or none of that shit. Well, and you're there but not present. Yeah. And I say that because as a mother, I've been there, but not like mentally present, and that affected. It was affecting my relationship with my kids, and I had to get a hold of that shit, but that's a whole different thing. Yeah. I just I see both like sides of that though. Yeah. And like we said, every situation is complex, right? So it could just be different in different situations. And yeah, my dad was a piece of shit. But yeah, not that doesn't mean that some a dad that is there and is present isn't maybe he's going through something, you know.

SPEAKER_05 28:09

Yeah. What about the dad who is showing up and does the things but doesn't receive praise? He doesn't get that's not right.

SPEAKER_04 28:17

That's terrible.

SPEAKER_05 28:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

I mean, I think everybody wants to know that they're appreciated. And don't get me wrong, because this is our responsibility as parents. These kids didn't ask to be here. We had we chose to have them and keep them, and now it's our job to raise them. So, like, it comes to a point where it's like, all right, you know what I mean? But when when we are showing up as parents, it's like, because I tell my kids, fathers all the time, like, I appreciate y'all. You know what I mean? Like, there are things that I can't do as a mother. Like, I need you guys. And so I try to make sure I'm always being, you know, showing my gratitude and shit towards them. Yeah. So I wish that'd gonna help me line up this bed. Let you burrow. Right. All right, next. Believing they can hear a snack wrapper open from three rooms away.

SPEAKER_08 29:22

That's not delusional.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

What are you doing in the pantry? What are you doing in my room in the corner with that snag in my bat? Yep. Crazy.

SPEAKER_05 29:35

Yeah. That is funny. Yeah. That's not delusional.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

Children don't notice inconsistency. Delusional as hell. Yeah, that's delusional.

SPEAKER_05 29:50

They call you out on that.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

Yeah, yeah. My consent. I encourage it.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

Me too.

SPEAKER_05 29:55

Yeah. My three-year-old is like, he's very, he knows the routine.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:59

And he as soon as we deviate.

SPEAKER_02 30:01

Yep. Even with me, I'm like, listen, if I'm doing, if I'm fucking up, please let me know.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm my own person. I be going through shit too. Like, I need to know. Like, if I'm not showing up for y'all how you need me to, please tell me.

SPEAKER_08 30:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:14

So I can fix that. Yeah, immediately. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

I agree.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

Right.

SPEAKER_06 30:20

What was the question again?

SPEAKER_04 30:22

I said children don't notice inconsistency.

SPEAKER_06 30:29

I I'm gonna be like double-edged sword to everything. Because my philosophy on life is there's good and bad to everything. Yeah. So if if you're consistently inconsistent, then that seems consistent.

SPEAKER_04 30:43

Right.

SPEAKER_06 30:44

It just depends on you know the child.

SPEAKER_04 30:45

Yeah, and how much they care and they're affected.

SPEAKER_06 30:49

Yeah. So it's like, oh, it seems consistent. It doesn't seem like they're missing something.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_06 30:55

Sharp as hell. Right. And yeah, uh-uh, dad. I know this tomato's yellow. Right. Okay, I know where you was at, or I know where you wasn't at or they'll notice something about you know the refrigerator. Like we always got this, this, this, this. Where's this at? Right. Dad, you don't want to always bring this, or you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 31:15

It's just it depends on the thing.

SPEAKER_04 31:17

Especially as they get older, like the more you're around and the older they get, they notice these things because obviously their brain's developing differently.

SPEAKER_05 31:24

And that's some pretty good insight.

SPEAKER_04 31:26

Yeah, yes. I I agree with that though.

SPEAKER_05 31:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:31

Fathers don't need emotional intelligence.

SPEAKER_05 31:34

That's delusional.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

Delusional as well. Yeah. Please gather yourself. And stop thinking that they don't have it. Right. They're not. Right. A lot of men don't feel safe in them spaces to let their emotions out like that. Not saying, you know, they just don't feel like they have a safe space to let those emotions out because they it can be like used against them, or they just aren't used to having that. And people just think that like, I guess you guys are supposed to be the shell and all those things, but there's a lot of men I feel like that don't have that safe space where they can cry if they need to, or show emotions that I guess people think men shouldn't show, which I think is bullshit.

SPEAKER_05 32:30

So for me, with the whole emotional intelligence thing, I think it about it a little differently. I think that the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more emotionally regulated you are.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

Yes. More control of the correct.

SPEAKER_05 32:46

Yeah. Now, to your point, I would say confidently, probably eight out of ten men are not safe in the spaces that they live in to be able to express their emotions. Yeah. And therefore, they what we see is a lot of like they hold it in, they repress it, or they will talk to their boys about it. Or it comes out in different ways. But I think the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more regulated you are, and therefore you don't let certain shit kind of come into this field. Right. I don't know. Maybe Kenny, are you a do you feel differently about that?

SPEAKER_06 33:22

I don't really understand.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

I don't really understand what's being asked, but so I'm saying that it's it's like counterintuitive, like it's pretty much like opposite. It's a delusion. In my like in my eyes, it's saying fathers don't need emotional intelligence. I'm saying it that's delusional because they do. If you're not conducting yourself with emotional intelligence and being able to regulate yourself, if say your kid's mother is pissing you off or something like that, now y'all are going back and forth arguing in front of the kids, and then the kids start, they grow up seeing that, thinking that that's normal or thinking that that's okay to carry into their lives, into their relationships. That's not a good way to be. So that's why I'm saying it's delusional.

SPEAKER_06 34:16

Yeah, we should have emotional father's father.

SPEAKER_04 34:19

Yeah. I'm gonna give you guys one more.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 34:30

It's like joy, happiness, and then like everything else that on the negative side, it just it just becomes that anger. Yeah. Because like as a as a I'm not like an person, I'll go to the funeral, let my brother pass, my sister passed. I didn't cry. I had my daughters there the whole time I didn't cry. So people be like, certainly thinking, like, oh, you didn't cry? I'll be like, no.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 34:54

And some people will will say, like, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_04 34:58

But I'm like that too. I don't really cry like that.

SPEAKER_06 35:00

That's just what I was kind of confused with.

SPEAKER_04 35:02

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, it's more about like how you conduct yourself.

SPEAKER_06 35:06

I cry over everything. Like, certain I I feel like it crys. It comes out everywhere. We have no control over it. Agreed. So if it was, if it was supposed to come out, it wouldn't, you know.

SPEAKER_08 35:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 35:20

That's eight.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

I'm gonna give you one more. Okay. Oh if he didn't grow up with a dad, he gets a pass for not being around. For not being a good dad. It's delusional. It's delusional.

SPEAKER_05 35:43

I'm grateful that I my dad did chose to chose to raise me, my brother. But I can't for one, having kids, I don't see a way for me not to be their father. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Right. So have men bore children and they just dipped off, yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Even when their dads are around.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

Crazy to me, honestly, but it's a little delusion. I wouldn't give a nigga a pass for that, though. No. That's just me. Because I know what it's about. I chose to do that with this woman. So here the kids are.

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:19

Niggas ain't getting passes for me, well.

SPEAKER_06 36:25

I would just say to be clear, the difference between giving a pass and giving forgiveness.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:37

Wrap a taste on it, my guy. Some some men are not meant to be fathers. Uh some men are not meant to be fathers, some mothers, some women are not meant to be mothers. You know, we have the tools to make babies, you know. But and then some people didn't get the proper training. There's a lot of things that be going on in people's lives, some people need to get good examples. Yeah. Good parenting.

SPEAKER_04 37:08

But wouldn't that make you want to be a better not everybody? Some people just carry through life with what they were given. What's comfortable.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

That's the well that's all I have for the delusion Olympics, you guys.

SPEAKER_05 37:26

It's one of a little charged. I liked it.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

Yeah, a little bit. Delusions or lifestyle choices.

SPEAKER_05 37:31

Yeah. That's really good. Thank you. All right, gentlemen and ladies. Or gentlemen, whatever you guys are. Lentlemen. Lentlemen. Jesus Christ. Lentlemen today. Let's just get into our main topic. The title that I have for today's main topic is What does being a father actually cost? Not financially necessarily, because we know dads work a lot. But rather emotionally, mentally, relationally, and ultimately personally. The first question I had was When did you realize that being a father was much harder than we expected? Would you like to start?

SPEAKER_06 38:17

Yeah, I'll start off by saying I don't feel like it's I never expected it to be hard. And I just think to shout out to the like like when they were saying, shout out to the baby mothers and the mothers and the grandmothers and the aunts. I don't think I could be as good a single dad as I am a dad, a co-parenting dad with my wife.

SPEAKER_05 38:40

I agree.

SPEAKER_06 38:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 38:41

I actually a hundred percent agree.

SPEAKER_06 38:42

I think that would be tough.

SPEAKER_05 38:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 38:45

But with her in us together, I feel like it's it it's pretty still.

SPEAKER_05 38:50

Pretty balance. That's really, really good. So it's actually beautiful that you have that dynamic because you are able to be a dad as intended, if that makes sense. In the ideal situation, granted, in no situation's ideal, but in the truest sense of the word, you have your role, your your kid's mother has their role, right? And you guys work cohesively to parent your children together. It is very different when you're doing it solo, though. It's a whole different ball game. And we were talking about this earlier because a lot of times we hear mom say I had to be mom and dad. I can't do that. Can't do that.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

I'm mom. I'm mommy.

SPEAKER_05 39:34

Right.

SPEAKER_04 39:34

And that's I look like daddy today. And you do that.

SPEAKER_05 39:37

You do the father a disservice when you attempt to try to take his role from him, which you could never do anyway. Right. You know what I mean? What about you, Kevin? What do you what it was the when did you realize that being a father was much harder than you expected?

SPEAKER_07 39:52

I never, I never thought it would be hard. I just I knew that I knew that I would be a better father than my father because he was never shit. So I knew that whenever I had kids, like I was gonna be like the best dad. Like, go dad. But it's like um life was different at that time. And when I first had my when I first my first son was born, I was, like I said, in the streets. So I didn't, fatherhood didn't click like automatically. You know what I'm saying? My instincts didn't click. Like the like the average normal person when they're about to have their first child. That's bro, no. Like I was excited and all of that, but I was stuck in the streets. Like, uh, it's funny, uh, so my son could be a and he got whatever he need, yada yada yada, but only thing I really needed to do is just be there. Yeah, but that over presence. Yeah. Yeah, it's he's gonna make, I'm he's gonna be good regardless of what, but dad need to be there. Yeah, I agree. Like mom is there, like the rest of the family's there. So it never, it was never, like I said, it was everything was is a challenge.

SPEAKER_05 40:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:00

It's never hard.

SPEAKER_05 41:01

Agreed. That being said, what's one, what's something about fatherhood that nobody warned you about?

SPEAKER_07 41:10

Nobody never warned me about nothing. Nobody never told me nothing. Everything I learned, I learned from the dirt. Like I never had a father, so I never had male figures that like this point me in the right direction. So everything I still learn from my kids every day.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:27

Every day I learned something. So what was the question again?

SPEAKER_05 41:32

What's something about fatherhood nobody warns you about could be anything. I got a couple. Anxiety surrounding like providing. I didn't wasn't ready for that. Granted, as a kid, my dad I want to say made it look easy, but then it was the 90s, so yeah, you know, we was outside till dust.

SPEAKER_04 42:11

Yeah, having a good old time.

SPEAKER_05 42:12

It wasn't really like that, and I was a child, and so I didn't understand the bills, the mortgage. I didn't get any of those things, right? Somebody warned you about that? Nobody warned me about that. My dad, who was there, didn't be like, yo, the bills are coming doing nigga. He can't say shit like that.

SPEAKER_08 42:27

Right, right.

SPEAKER_07 42:28

Stack your money up with whatever, right?

SPEAKER_05 42:31

You know, um lack of sleep, especially when my kids were really young. You know, I was super involved, like changing diapers. Young was taking the milk off the thing and putting it into the bottle to give it. So I'm the first day of Westing Wellington came home, I was awake all night.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:48

I couldn't sleep. Just little niggas in my house, you know. I'm trying to make sure it's good.

SPEAKER_08 42:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:55

Um also losing parts of myself. There are times in my fatherhood, like especially early on, when my kids are three and five, that I I feel like I lost like my passion for music, my passion for art. You know, things that I loved doing as a person. Yeah. I stopped doing them because I your whole identity changes when you become a parent. Shifted. Now I'm learning to reintegrate those things into my life because those things give me a measure of joy outside of being a parent, right? And they give me something to do mentally outside of the daily grind of being a dad. So that's what I was thinking, like about that type of thing. What's something that you experienced that you weren't really ready for in fatherhood? In motherhood, too, because you guys have a whole hormonal situation that happens with you with you guys. We experience it in relation to you, but it's not the same. You guys are a whole different mother for sure.

SPEAKER_04 43:57

We got a bunch of girls. Yeah.

unknown 44:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:01

It's a lot. But this is about you guys. I'll tell you, I'll tell you something. I had twins, and I mean nobody warned me like when you have kids, you ain't gonna be sleeping. I mean, I used to sleep here and there, but I used to get really bad migraines after I had my twins. And I mean, Algevar was like very helpful. Like he'd stay up with them at times, and he's you know, he was just in there like chaining diapers, making, you know, doing things that dads do.

SPEAKER_08 44:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:30

So shout out to him for that. But they were just like not always on the same schedule. So that was kind of tough. Like, I'd put one of them down to sleep while the other one was sleeping, and then that one would get up. I'm just like mess. Yeah, that's like can you guys sleep at the same time so I can take a nap too? Like, and then even like my girls, I tried breastfeeding them and they just were not interested. But my son was like, so I used to pump for the girls, and then he was on my breast, and it just was like just weird things with the twins. Like my oldest, she was just perfect, like not that my twins aren't like I love them all to death, but my oldest, he just was cool, like chill baby.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Yeah, we love that.

SPEAKER_05 45:28

One of the things I hear a lot is that dads need to do more. You guys even just said, shout out to the single moms doing all the things. Do you think dads get enough grace?

SPEAKER_07 45:39

Yes. More than enough.

SPEAKER_05 45:41

Yeah, too much, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_07 45:43

Truthfully speaking. Do you feel like not see all right? Go ahead. Let me because there are active dads. Like, there are there are dads that does play their role. Like, there's no above and beyond when it comes to taking care of your kids, bro. Show up. Yeah. So you get what I'm saying? Like, people be thinking, like, oh, you gotta do more than the mother, or it's not about doing more or trying to compete or trying to outdo. Like, as a parent, you just you just know what your job is. You just gotta be there, just like however you gotta be there, just be there. Take care of you. You know what I'm saying? So it's not like nobody, like, this for the for the fathers that's not active and the fathers that don't do shit, like, they get all the grace in the world. Like, they don't got they karma gonna deal with them whenever they got whenever it's gonna catch up to them. You get what I'm saying? Like, because these kids didn't ask to be here at the end of the day. You brought them to this world. So you did duties to take care of these kids, but like, how you gotta do it? Same way mommy out here busting her ass, doing what she's doing to make sure these kids got whatever they need. Same way dad supposed to be busting his ass. And that's making sure these kids and making sure that they're there for them emotionally, yeah, mentally. Yeah, because all these kids really need to do is talk and have someone listen to them. Right, yeah. They don't have that. Like, they don't care about what you're buying them, ended up having a whole gang of kids teaching them how to do this and do that. Yeah, their parents too absorbed in their phones, yeah. And then that that was me. I was absorbed with other things, so I wasn't paying attention to what was really important. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So that's why a lot of these kids running around here with with shysties on in black when it's 85, 90 degrees. Yeah, because they had nobody sitting there talking to them, like, listen, little nigga, yeah, yeah. This is what you're about to run into when you get this age, bro. So however you're gonna put it to them, but nobody sat down with us and told us this shit. They just go ahead, figure it out yourself. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:29

Right. And for me, like there are certain conversations as a mom that I can have with my son and I can have with my daughters, but there's also conversations that I can't that I they need it coming from their dad.

SPEAKER_07 47:41

From their father, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We play more of an important more of an important role than we get credit for, but you gotta earn that shit. Yeah, you gotta earn it, it's not giving. Yeah. You get what I'm saying? It's it's something you gotta earn. You got just because you're dad don't mean you gotta get that highest, that utmost respect. You gotta earn that shit.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

Right, you have to earn that from your kids. You gotta earn that from anybody else. You earn that from your kids. Everybody cares for the kids. The mothers already anybody else.

SPEAKER_07 48:10

You feel what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. The mothers, they y'all have that have that, they have that respect because they're doing their job. Like, yeah, they're nurturing these kids, they're making sure these kids is good no matter what. They sacrifice them. So, as fathers, as men, this is what we need to do. Yeah, make the same or make more sacrifices. Take that load off of their back. They already buried the kids for nine months running around with the baby and then have the breastfeed and nurture. You get what I'm saying? They have to give back. So when you said you lost yourself, like that, a lot of females, yeah, when they have their babies, they go to that post portum. Like, what is it post-mortem? What are the postmortems? I never got that right. But you get what I'm saying? Like that's that's real because that takes a lot. Yeah, that's that's energy being taken away. That energy is being transferred.

SPEAKER_04 48:57

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 48:59

We don't have those effects as the father is. You know what I'm saying? We don't feel those effects. So it's like we don't know how that feels to lose yourself. You said you you witnessed that, you experienced that. You felt like you was losing touch with things that made you happy or things that you like doing. Like, I never felt that before. I don't think I I I got hobbies and stuff like that, but like tackling on fatherhood right now for me is like is good for me. Cause I'm a grandfather too now. And this little girl, when she, every time she, every time I walk through the door, all you hear is pop pop. So it's like shit like that motivates me to be a better father and a better grandfather. But I missed a lot of my son's life. I miss gaps in their life, period. Yeah, yeah. So you can't make up for lost time, but I can make up, I could make each moment from here on out count. You know what I mean? And mean more. So just by me being there, that's enough. Like, that's real good.

SPEAKER_05 49:51

Yeah. That's real, real good. Anything to add that, Ken?

unknown 49:56

No.

SPEAKER_05 49:57

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, community fathers.

SPEAKER_04 50:03

Yeah, also Brother Walter. Just break that down for us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 50:07

So Community Fathers is a non-profit organization. I believe it was established or official in 2009. Yes. So from my understanding of Walter Simkins, which is my guy. Everybody in schenectity or surrounded areas that are into like community work and activism and things of that nature. It's probably old school bigger than old brother Walter is. But it it was all timing with me getting involved with community fathers. But I think the mission of community fathers is so similar to just my personality and my life mission that it just was there. It's rebuilding community fathers at a time. That's my mission statement. My dad wasn't around, you know, role models and all that. That that really wasn't it wasn't there when I was a kid. My mom, she was into in and out of rehab, into stuff. You know, my mother had seven kids, five girls, two boys, and you know, her upbringing wasn't the best, but all the traumas and the trials and tribulations of what went on with my mom. Now that's the woman that's raising a boy that's gonna become a man, that's gonna become a father. So the things that I was missing as a kid, I just didn't want those things missing from my child.

SPEAKER_08 51:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 51:45

Right. So uh I was blessed to be a part of Family Fathers because it just put put resources and people in my grasp, and it was very beneficial for me raising my daughter and you know becoming a father. So I tried to, you know, do the same for other fathers. Yeah. And the the not-for-profit has started because it was fathers that were going through things and they were looking for help. Yeah, and they decided instead of looking for help, let's become the help. Let's call each other out. Let's find the resources that we need, let's see the resources that we need. And you know, biggest thing, just having forgiveness and being consistent. Yeah. Because ain't nobody perfect.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

Right.

SPEAKER_06 52:33

And forgive yourselves. Yeah, nobody's perfect, so not to feel alienated when you when you got uh I don't know the word for it. Perfect seller.

SPEAKER_04 52:47

Yeah, yeah. None of us are no matter how good we make it look, none of us are perfect.

SPEAKER_06 52:54

So uh uh like I said, I was I was I was a barber at the time. Well, I'm still in a barber, but the executive director, his barber, opened another barbershop. So when the executive director, Walter Simkins, came into the barbershop, the first thing one of the barbers said was, Welcome back home. And he said, When he heard that, he just felt like, whoa, you're right. I'm at home. This is my home. I'm not going to no other barber shop looking for no I'm not even following my barber to another barber shop. I said, I'm gonna stay here. Who's about to be my new barber? And Fred was like, uh, go see Reese in the back, go see Reese. So at the time I was caught in like a corner because I said, well, I really didn't. They was making space for me. They always made a way for me. So uh I was caught in the corner, and then me and the older brother we started talking, and then he started telling us about his organization. And then he he the first kind of responsible thing he had, one of the first responsible responsibilities he had for me, was to help him put together a community cookout, and he wanted me to mentor a young kid that was like uh on Penn's petition or something like that. Okay, so I was kind of like his mentor. And actually, that same kid, this had to be probably 20 maybe 14 or 15. And the one that one kid that I mentored, he's still working it to this day. My eye after the very first thing he did was steal from me. So it goes. So it was weird. He he he I got him a job working at the barbershop sweeping up. I left some stuff uh customer pay to that I wasn't there. So I was like, Yeah, just leave it in my drawer. So he must have seen it. He took it. So I come back to the shop, like, hey bro, what's going on with that money was just baby? So the guy comes and looks, he rinse my stuff apart. He's like, oh no, it's not there. So it's the little kid who took it. So but at the time, this is before I was even sent to him as a mentor. So he was just like a neighborhood kid at the time. He wanted to make some money, he led him in the shop, he did his thing, and installed. So probably like a summer later or a couple seasons later, I get he becomes my my like mentee. But he don't know who I am, I don't know who he is. I just end up at his house and I'm sitting on his couch just like this. I meet his mom, I sit down. So if she calls him out the room, he comes out the room, as soon as he comes out, he looks at me, his eyes get big, he goes right back in the room. So I told him, I was like, so I go in the room, I'm talking to him, and I'm like, yo, bro, listen, I don't care about the fact that you stole that. It's nothing, it's not that big deal. But let's move forward and get you situated because you get into trouble. You wanna ask if I do this, do that, do that, do that. So he was like, all right, so over time he actually started working for me in my landscape company. Yes. Like this one particular kid, like I was with him when his mother passed away. I was with him at his graduation when he graduated high school. I was at his baby shower when he had his first baby. That's beautiful, yeah. He knows his real father, but he don't really rock with his little pops like that. So to me, he he's like, I'd say like a distant son of like the closest thing to a son that I have that only have my one daughter. But like, like this kid is like, and then he gets into you know street over having thinking. So now, you know, the shis, he's one of them, he'll have some shisies on, but he's also that same exact person that uh not the I'm not putting this business out, but you know, he got into some trouble. He might, you know, run the streets a little bit, but that's the same exact person where I'll call him, he'll get up at seven o'clock in the morning and we'll work for 10 hours straight. Yeah. And I I'll trust him with I'll trust him just like you know, like he's my son.

SPEAKER_08 57:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 57:05

But you gotta also understand that people are who they are. Yeah. He still has those issues with founding, just like we do. We work in like I got problems with I can't get me out of the casino. I ain't trying to not drink, we'll smoke, we do this. Yeah, you know, we all got our issues, but we still are who we are. Like we still I still feel like he's a good kid. But back to the community father stuff. That was just one one like situation where I was seeing the importance of not not not just a father figure, but just someone that that that takes the time, yeah, it takes the time to help cultivate you and bring somebody else to the next level. But as you're doing that, you're bringing yourself to the next level. As you're doing that, you're bringing the communities into the next level because everybody is seeing little pieces of what's happening. Oh, that's the little kid that was always getting suspended. Oh, that that little kid isn't working. Oh, that's the same kid that's in trouble. Oh, that little kid is back. Yeah. And just seeing the importance of having somebody that will take the time to let you make mistakes and never give up on you. Like the guys at the barbershop, I was the young knucklehead that was up selling weed, some days I'm cutting, some days I'm doing this, some days I'm back cutting, some days I'm working at Pizza Hut, I'm driving, I'm doing this, but they always kept that space for me to where that's good. You can always come back here, work, earn for yourself, and have something to make you feel prideful about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

Agreement.

SPEAKER_06 58:35

If you feel like you're just a little nutwat from the hood, that's how you're gonna act. No funny shit. Like, yeah, ain't shit out. Well, I know I'm about to go get this pack, I'm about to put a shystee on, I'm about to go do this, I'm about to go smoke this weed, I'm gonna chill. But giving them the other side of that coin, because both sides is always gonna be there.

SPEAKER_05 58:51

For sure.

SPEAKER_06 58:52

But just reassuring that, you know, there's still some good stuff on this side. That that that's like the the the positive part about being uh a part of community fathers. And then just the the phrase community fathers. Yeah, that's just important to be an important father in a community. Yes. Like I go to a game, and you see those fathers that are always there with their kids. Yeah. Or people that come to the park, they'll be cooking, or you know, some even the the little homie era where hey, go take two, three dollars, go to the corner store, hot out. You know, that shit is that's important to me. So through just that and my personality, and then the organization community fathers, and then community fathers, the what I initially started, we had programs when we were in schools, we had a maletinous program where we would just go into schools and sit and talk to the other guys and try to give them familiar faces, people in neighborhoods that they might know. Way, like I could chastise you a little bit because I know your mom, I know your dad, I know your aunt. We didn't shot nice, we was at the after hours last night, you know, whatever the case may be. Yeah. But these are like the reality of the things in your life versus it ain't always the straight and narrow. It ain't always you know nine to five, boom, straight and narrow.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:16

Of course not.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:18

The reality is when people can relate to you and they trust you, that things work out a little better. But with community fathers in our programs, we had a program where we uh have an environmental study team. We show kids how to weld. Uh nice blacksmith, actually. We showed kids how to sell a sale block.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:37

I was just about to say that. So my trades, but trades. Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:41

We showed kids how to do make baked goods, go down to the market, sell the baked goods, work as a team. Yeah. Legal trouble. We we were going to court with people that were into certain situations. We had to do that. That's what I'm talking about. His mother went to jail. So 15, he had to step up and be the man of the house while he had little siblings running around. So he don't know nothing.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:06

He had to get it right out the mud. Everything was learn as you go. And just Walter Stephens was one of the first people that was actually there to assist him, to help him go through a process where you're going from one day you're a 15-year-old kid out playing football, the next day you're the man of the house with siblings bundling around. You got to figure it out. So just just you know, being a community father is just important. You know, when a little kid is, hey, hey, Naomi's dad, how you doing? When you had a have you walking home, get in a car, we gotta take you.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:42

Yeah, are there like locations or contact information so we can give to the people? Okay, we'll get that from you and then we'll we'll add it in so that they know where to reach out and where to get help and everything, whoever might need. I think that's so dope that you guys do that. You guys do a lot.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:03

We're having a um a five-sig cookout for five's a too at Jim Brok. Okay. So we'd be having the horses, bounty house, we in there, water slide, a bunch of food. That's awesome. You turn the neighborhood park, it looks like a fair. So many people out, yeah, real smoke everywhere. That's awesome. It'd be just a good time, and it's it's for the community, it's for like to bring people back in. Because a lot of times, people that can, Father's Day come, they out of there. Yo, we're about to go to the beach, or we do this, we do that. And it's a lot of people in the community that's just like, it ain't nothing they can do. Right. So just to have something for the community, that's what we do. We have like mental health things.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:50

These are people in the in the community. Are you local police officers?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:53

Organizations, local police officers, people that's just like on the city council. Yes. Uh sometimes the mayor comes out and that's good. That's really good. It's always a good look.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:05

Yeah, so we'll get all that when's that event happening?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:08

Everything on the 21st. 21st. Niggas might be popping out.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:15

All right. We gotta move on to our next segment. Let's run it. All right, we got hot segments. I ain't gonna go too crazy. I'm just I'm thinking it's the Father's Day episode. I just wanna hear some things from you guys. Okay. Stephanie's real humble.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:53

I'm humble. I'm humble.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:55

All right. So my first question is what do you guys have to say to the women who make it hard for the dads out here? Fuck you, bitches. I like it, I like it. What else? Anything else? No, for real, because I just feel like it's both your personal feelings don't matter when it comes to your kids and their dad. And especially if the dad is not putting them in any harm and all those things. Like, get them in their children.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:29

Alright, well, damn. You say whatever you need to. Nah, I'm I'm gonna say whatever I feel, but I'm trying to, it's like I went through a lot with one of my um, one of the mothers of my kids. And at one point, it was like I blame myself. And then it was like I blame her. So it was like she wasn't trying to take responsibility. And then I came to the realization that me as a grown-ass man, I can't match energy.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:01

When it's negative.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:03

When it's negative, period. It doesn't matter if it's coming from a woman, a man, like trying to match energy, that's just not gonna work. It's not gonna work. And nobody favored me. It's just gonna be a continuing bunch of bullshit. So it was like there's only so much apologizing you could do for some shit that you ain't even do. So why am I continuously apologizing and apologizing for shit that I ain't even do? I'm just making shit up to apologize for at this point, right? Just to try to be peaceful and be a part of my daughter's life and let her feel loved and wanted by the rest of her siblings and the rest of her family. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So I went through a lot with that shit. And it was it was fuck her a lot. It was fuck a couple of my baby mothers a lot. You know what I mean? But I I I came to the point where I had to sit down with myself and realize that I was the problem at one point.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:53

And it wasn't even necessarily I was a problem. I created a family and I didn't stick with that family and nurture that family and beat it. The father for that family. You know what I'm saying? So that that's that's something that I deal with. Alright, for the family. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:06

Well, all these are for you guys. It's daddy's dad. What's the difference between a father and a dad? Is there a difference?

SPEAKER_06 1:06:15

Dad made you, and your father told her to need you. And like he's there, he's consistent. Your dad you father, he does the things. Yeah, a father should do the things.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:31

I agree. I like that. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:33

But it's weird because your kids call you dad, dad.

unknown 1:06:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:38

I think it's backwards. I think that's I think it's backwards. Me personally. I think a father, a father is the person that can make the child, but a dad of it. Like, dad, that's why they call you dad. I say that because, like, this for instance, like, one of my one of my kids' mother, she don't be like, your dad is on the phone. She be like, your father's on the phone. She does that to be to be to be an asshole though. You feel what I'm saying? Like, and I always catch it.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:09

Yeah, I always catch it. You feel what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:10

Like, because you you my when my when my daughter hit that phone, guess what she's saying? Daddy, she's not saying father. Yeah, yeah. You get what I'm saying? Father is dry. Father's some British shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:20

I can relate to that. You know what I'm saying? When I was pissed, that's just how I've got a lot of people.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:23

I'll be like, your father's on the phone. You know what I'm saying? Your father. That's it. Like, you don't get a lot of people. Like a father, like a father, is it don't got no depth to it. Yeah, it's like a little emotional. Dad got more formal fillment to it. You get what I'm saying? Like dad, daddy, like the way it has more feeling to it. Like father's flat. That's just how I view it. I see it the way he sees it. No, I see it both ways, but I'm just saying, me personally.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:47

The terminology. The terminology. Terminology.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:50

Yeah, the terminology. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:52

But he's definitely on the same page.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:54

He's definitely on the same page. Definitely.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:57

Most definitely.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:59

Just the terms. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:01

I'm Haitian, so I called my dad Poppy when I was a kid, so it wasn't like I called him that.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:06

But that's what that's the term of endearment. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you that's what you knew.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:10

That's how that is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:12

All right. That's weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:15

I'll be like noogle. I know I said that next episode. I'm gonna try not to curse. Not me. That's the challenge. I'm cussing.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:29

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:30

Because cursing makes everything so much more funny.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:33

We haven't gotten banned yet, so I don't know. Hopefully we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:35

We're doing our box. I haven't said that.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:37

In a minute.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:38

Alright. Next question.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:40

Allegedly. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:47

What do fathers who don't want to be in their kids' lives miss out on?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:52

Their kids' lives.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:53

The whole thing, bro. The whole experience. It's quite literally nothing like it. Because again, I saw these things come out of her bowl.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:00

Yeah. That's an extension of me.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:03

Watch you grow to be a straight asshole, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:06

Yeah. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:12

You watch the little you's like you like, damn, this is probably how I was when I was a little jet.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:16

Like these little motherfuckers. First birds, like all that shit is so important.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:22

What I can say is that none of us who have had children have all done it. So we didn't make their personality. No. That came from the I don't want to say heaven, from the either.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:32

It came from the higher, from the higher power.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:34

They we we made the beam, but who they come out as is a totally different analyst. You won't get a chance to see that if you don't like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:42

It wasn't. Well, I was I really wanted to be. This is just about you guys today, so I appreciate that. And I want to hear y'all bash the bitches who keep the kids from great fathers. So bitches are petty. Heard. Okay. Now we have. Would you? Would you rather I would rather move on from being petty? Yeah, let's move on. Shut up. Alright, let's see. Would you rather have a loving but inconsistent father or a strict but reliable one?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:21

My dad was really strict and he was very reliable.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:25

Yeah, I would have liked that. Yeah, I think strict and reliable. That nigga wasn't.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:31

And it's funny because I said that I never wanted to be like my dad as a kid. Yeah. And I find myself being strict with my own kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:39

I'm just like my mother.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:41

I'm just like my mother.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:43

Who am I with? First wasn't playing when he made that song.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:47

Yeah, yeah. That's a good one too.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:51

I believe that too. I would rather that too. Discipline, like strict but reliable.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:56

Yeah, or even B. Like, what would you rather rather what kind of father would you? I would rather be reliable or strict too. 100%.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:07

I'm 100% strict and I'm reliable.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:10

What about you, Kenny? Regardless of how angry these kids act like they are, or much of the attitude they got, they that shit, it it's instilled in them. Right. When you're giving them right direction. That's very true.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:21

Even when they act like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:22

You're putting them in the right direction. You're putting them on what's really good, like not lying to them and not shooting.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:28

Yeah, even if they don't understand it in that moment.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:30

That shit goes, it travels with them. It carries. For sure. Definitely, right? Definitely.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:36

Like they'll probably be like, oh, mom, mom was a kind of a bitch, but she ain't lied to us now, did she?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:42

And then another thing, sorry, cut you off. Another thing is you gotta show them better than telling them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we wasn't shown. You get what I'm saying? We weren't shown properly. We all learn as we go along. But we see, like we see what our parents did, how they raised us and how they took care of us, but we have to show them the way. Right. We can either choose their own way sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:07

You can't always use the shit that our parents.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:09

It don't gotta be conventional. Yeah, it gotta be conventional.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:15

It's just like the thought of that, like, you know, each generation is different. Yeah, everybody's parents different. Something is different. Everybody's parents different.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:24

Yeah. There's no manual to it, like you said. There's no book, no handbook, or nothing. Like right. Our parents didn't have no handbook. They just learned from what they saw from their parents and so forth and so on.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:35

Do you have any?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:36

I'm sorry. No, I'm good.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:38

Do you have anything you want to add?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:40

Uh probably both.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:42

There's good, there's good qualities in both. I just say both. Yeah. Because I just want a dad I love, then I'm at peace there.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:52

That's cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:54

I receive that.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:56

Would you rather stay with your child's mom for the kids or co-parent?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:01

I'm out of there. I'm out of there. Try it. Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. What did Usher say? Something about the papers? I'm signing no problem.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:11

Something about the papers.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:13

And here's why I say that because divorce is no easy thing. You guys, we've talked about this a lot on the pod. It would I don't know if it would be in my children's best interest to see. We're already at odds as it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:26

But at least when they're here, it's peace here.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:32

It's not division.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:33

There's no tension.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:34

There is no tension. Before, even when we're together, it's a shitshow. We're not doing that. My kids don't even see that, nor do they deserve that. And my son is too smart to be even playing around with him like that. Why don't you kiss mommy like that? Well, when it's not like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:53

And then you gotta break it down to him. It's like, wow, your little brain really wanna process this, right? Gotta know. Tell them gotta know. Yeah, but they want, they they do be wanting to microprocessor.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go live with this novel. This is my daughter.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:15

Yeah, yes. What's good? Your mother. What's up?

unknown 1:14:24

Are you bothered?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:25

Yes. Yes, sir. You're live right now. You're live on camera.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:32

Welcome to wholesome ennis. Y'all want to ask her any questions about her dad?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:38

How cool is your dad, or is he totally lame? I said, how cool is your dad, or is he totally lame? I love that. We love cool dads. What makes him cool? Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:58

What makes him cool?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:08

That's normal. He's supposed to. If he's not getting on your nerves, he's not doing the right thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:28

She's good. She's good. I love that, bro. That's tough. That's tough.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:34

Happy Daddy's Day. Oh, 13.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:37

That's fire, bro. Von's about to be 13. Congratulations. She's good, though.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:42

Teenagers.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:42

That's tough.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:44

Yeah. Oh, were you gonna say anything else?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:49

We said both.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:50

Oh, yeah, we said both. But you just wanted to get the phone call. No, I said, would you rather stay with your child? Well, you're married, so.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:58

I want to definitely become mad.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:02

Again, there's good and bad to both. Yeah. I've only experienced the staying together. I just I'm a barber. So I hear and see a lot of different situations. I don't feel like you should be, like, I don't feel like my woman should be in a wild abusive relationship where she's getting dogged on and beat up and you know, wild shit. But then again, that happens to some fathers. Some fathers beat by their baby mom.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:34

So uh I just feel like the separation will always just add a door for more bullshit. I don't care about jealous, whatever the case may be. I know I never want to see another man with my baby mama.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:53

Selfish to say it, being a, you know, man that's done, you know, been a man. Speaking on a truth. Yeah. And, you know, wifey forgive me, and we, you know, we move forward and this and a third. But like, if there's just something about that mother, father, children, you know, that dynamic in life for me to be blessed, and for most of if we were to separate, it'd probably be my fault. Yeah. That's another reason why I'm probably stronger on uh we got the work this year. Better on the other side. You thought the the separation of the space was gonna be within.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:35

So it's green and while you water it. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:38

Maybe if you just went fought, fought, fought, fought, and and just didn't give up, then I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:44

Yeah, that's good. I like that. All right, well, the last one. Would you rather change diapers or be the designated bottle maker?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:53

I'll change diapers.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:55

Yeah, I find it's probably gonna be clean. If I say so myself, I'm a professional.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:00

I'm real good at changing diapers. Real good, but white and sweat. I'm not I'm not partial to either.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:06

Yeah, I'll do both, but it don't really matter.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:09

Well, she said, would you rather take one?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:12

I would rather change the do the bottles though. Because nobody really wants to funnel them. Maybe cleaning them shit up for it.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:19

Yeah, all up their back.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:21

Blowouts crazy.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:22

I haven't seen that in a minute. That's good.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:27

Thanks. That's all I got for the delusion Olympics. I mean, would you rather? See, I've been here for too long. I'd rather be home home. Relax.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:38

Well, we're almost done.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:39

We are. Okay, hurry up.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:41

Now we got some more games. We're gonna do some facts or debatable guys. And these are gonna be quick, rapid fire. So, you guys who have not played before, I'm gonna make a list of statements and use something say.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:57

And if it's debatable, you can debate about it or just we can. We can run it back, or we can just keep going. We'll see. Cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:02

But I'm gonna wrap rapid fire. These are pretty quick, alright? I love it. Alright. Children need their fathers just as much as they need their mothers. Facts. Facts. Big facts. Men need respect as much as women need affection. Facts. You don't know?

SPEAKER_06 1:19:19

You don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:19

Debatable for you.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:21

I guess. Debatable.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:24

Most men have nobody they can fully talk to. Most men. Facts. Facts. I think that's debatable.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:31

No, that's debate. Yeah, I guess. I don't really know. I don't know. I ain't never been a man. I'm just trying today.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:37

That's debatable. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:40

Debatable. I agree. I don't choose to talk a lot too. Okay. Men remember disrespect longer than rejection. Huh? Men remember disrespect longer than they do rejection.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:50

Absolutely. That's a fact. I can't.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:52

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:54

That's debatable too.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:56

That's just a type person. Right. Some people can't handle rejection. And they're gonna come and kill a bitch over that.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:02

No, actually. You told me no back in high school, though.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:12

Yeah, for sure. A man's confidence changes everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:17

Facts.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:18

Facts. Yeah.

unknown 1:20:19

Facts.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:20

That insecurity will do you in for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:23

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:24

Yeah. Brotherhood is underrated.

unknown 1:20:28

Facts.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:29

Debatable? Is it?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:30

Who's who's calling it that? I think it's dope.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:33

That's debatable. It's underrated. Brotherhood, you said? Yeah. It's underrated. That shit is definitely debatable.

unknown 1:20:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:39

I'd say it. I'd say in my world, it's a fact. It's a fad. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:44

And you have that insight.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:46

I mean, all y'all do as men. Because I don't just keep saying stuff.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:52

Yeah. Funny beats handsome.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:55

Debatable. That's debatable, nigga. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:58

I'm still laughing at you, but you can't be ugly and making me laugh. That's what I'm gonna be laughing at you, too. No, no, no, because see, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, medium ugly nigga. Y'all wrong. She is wicked. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:16

I mean, what? I mean, that's crazy. I probably think I'm ugly too.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:20

People got preferences at this point. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:23

She's giving grace. Yeah, you can't be mad. And I respect that.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:27

Men are expected to figure it out on their own.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:30

Oh, sadly, that's facts. Facts. Yeah, facts. I feel like maybe uh for the most part.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:37

Yeah. Get it how you can, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:39

Yeah. So that's like a 70-30 kind of thing. I hate that, but you tell her that you can't.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:46

You gotta get it, bro. Yeah, you gotta get that shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:48

People need help.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:50

Yeah, that's debatable. Some people do help. And I'll just be awesome. Moment of transparency. So I when I first was getting separated from my wife, I went to DSS to try to get support, and they said I made too much money, so they wouldn't help me. Okay. That should discourage. I'm a single dad. I'm doing it just like my mom was came through. Right, right. Yeah. And gave it to her. And they said no. So do better. I never really do better.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:19

The difference was she ain't had no money, she wasn't making no money. You was making money. So there's that. So you don't need no help. Which is wrong because just because I'm making a certain amount of money, don't still need, I might need an extra little bit of help. Precisely.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:37

I was like, you know what? My pride can't get in the way. Let me go see. Yeah. So you gotta figure it out, bro, however you can. And God is good, we always do. So a couple more, couple more. Most people have a physical type.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:53

I think that's a fact.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:55

Facts? Yeah, facts.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:58

Most people, not everybody, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:00

I just don't like no shorties, short kings. I'm sorry. I don't care. I like a chuckle. Just not short. I can't do that. Like you're not short.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:12

Please, please, please. Couple more, two more, two more. Men need compliments too. I agree. I don't agree you're doing a good shit. Even even with your like your bros, like, hey man, you put some shit on today. Don't let me smell good. Working out. I can see you working out already.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:29

I accept compliments, but I don't look for them. I don't look for them either, but I carry my phone.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:36

That's good. Some people don't know how to. I don't really cut shows. Some people don't know how to accept them. I don't. Yeah. I suck at it. I always make a job at it every time.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:47

I'm just like, for real?

SPEAKER_07 1:23:49

Thanks. Yeah, good looking, thanks.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:50

Or I'll say I know. Personality more matters more than attraction. I would say that is. That's a fact for me. I would say it is a fact. I think I need to be stimulated mentally by you.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:04

Yeah, for me.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:04

Q face is one thing, but it doesn't really move me that much.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:07

That's a fact.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:08

You gotta have a good personality.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:09

You could look so good and have the personality of a bag of sand.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:13

No, funny shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:15

I don't want to deal with that.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:16

I'm all sad.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:17

I'm too lively.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:18

I think initially it's looks.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:20

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:21

You only go so far with me.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:24

Yeah, I'm just I'm just saying. What was the question I'm going to say?

SPEAKER_05 1:24:27

Personality matters. More than matters more than attraction.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:34

Oh, so it's not saying same overall. I think I'm gonna just go with attraction or kind of soccer. That'll help you get there.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:45

We're gonna do a compilation of can you saying what was the question again?

SPEAKER_05 1:24:51

Yeah. I think the idea you need to look a certain way, and even when I mean at least carry yourself a certain way, and don't be stinking. That type of vibe, but again, I I gotta spend time with you, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:06

Yeah. And like enjoying it.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:10

Yeah, sand. You could be cute as hell, but right, right.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:15

Everybody's preferences. Have you dealt with that?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:19

Well, like oh hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:22

I'm so mad.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:23

Tell me about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:25

Collaborate.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:26

All right, that's all I have for facts are debatable.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:29

Thank God.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:32

Now we got that joke.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:42

All right. I'm not going first. I'm not talking my shit first. It sounds like Kevin had something he wanted to talk shit about.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:49

Put me on blast. We're gonna talk about this Masters of the Universe movie that just came out to all the E-Man fans, shit like that. My opinion is that shit was like a four. Like a three. A four out of ten. Four out of ten, either. That's wicked. Um the graphics and the effects was was on point, but the storyline was just horrible. They dragged the shit out of it. The shit was like Thor. But even though Thor got kicked out of Asgard. Out of Asgard, but uh He-Man had to get pushed out of, I forgot the name. Xmerion. I forgot the name of the planet that they was from, though, but he lost the sword when he when he got to America, and he ain't find a sword for 15 years.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:38

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:38

So it was like, dude, fuck them when he found the sword, he still ain't know what to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:42

Like so he was Clark Kenton?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:44

Yeah, he was Clark Kenton real bad, but Clark Kent went through shit, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:48

He was putting in work, too. Yeah, he was putting in work. This is the thing, but he ain't have he ain't had shit going on. But I said the storylines is it you can't you can't compress all of that into one movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:59

So I think they just rushed it.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:01

Yeah, just that's all now.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:03

Yeah, it was not my.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:04

Like if you're not gonna take the time to do the fine details, leave it the fuck up.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:07

Yeah, because I waited. They the last time they did that shit was in '87. Crazy. Dolph Lundron, he was the he was the person, he was the one. He was in his movie. Yeah, working out in the gym. He put, yeah, you know they're gonna put it on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, they always thought of old school. I love that. I love when they do like Marvel. Yeah, but yeah, I said you just can't compress that into no one movie.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:28

What about you?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:30

Um Talk my shit. Talk your shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:33

Talk your shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:35

Just live like make sacrifices for being peached.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:40

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:40

What the?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:44

I'm gonna talk my shit about hostile minutes. I just can't believe we got twenty one plus episodes.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:49

I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:49

Oh really? Twenty one? We started January. This is like six seven. Right. Yeah, bro. And you can see that we're at it six months later.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:06

Most podcasts don't make it past seven episodes. That's the statistic. We're 21 deep. And not just because we are doing it for fun, but we have obligations, contracts, and shit like that in the works. So like this is a movement in the making, and I just I'm proud to be able to be a part of this type of thing. It's so hard to do that. Like we've been doing it for a while.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:32

So proud of that. Yeah, thank me? Yeah. Go ahead, girl. Well, I don't have anything. I always have shit to talk about. Well, here's a random one. I hate when I freaking touch the doorknob or my keys or something. My hand smells like metal afterwards. I hate when my hand smells like metal. It's so gross. I don't like that either. Like I'll it's really random. I'll touch the fucking doorknob handle and I just why do you smell your hand? Yeah. That's it. So you wouldn't. We're all in this together. Beer gang.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:24

Beer gang. Beer gang. Beer gang. That is me.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:27

Dang. Oh, yeah. I got something to say. Say it. Okay. Well, you still back there talking. Anyway. I don't like when I go to the grocery store and I'm like shopping for meat and it has like that. It's like a little wet. Like oh, like the magazine. Yeah. Oh, it's disgusting. I usually grab bags every time anyway to put it in, but even still, I gotta pick up the packaging. Yeah, yeah, especially disgusting.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:57

I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh, yeah. Okay, hell yeah. All right, so everybody knows. Like, you know how you got a dish rag or like a dish cage or whatever. Yeah. And you got like a bunch of them, and like some of them get old and they got that smell to it.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:16

Yeah, that soggy, swampy.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:18

That nasty, rushy.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:21

So I went, I went, I was at somebody's house, right? And they had like a car night, and I'm like, yo, can I get something to drink? So they gave me something to drink. Oh, the whole fucking rim of the cup smelt like that shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:32

Oh man, I mean the inside did.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:34

Yo, so I grabbed it, I'm like, grabbed the cup. As soon as I put my lips to it, all I smelt was the shit like that. Yeah, whatever it is, yeah. But what fucking what really got me mad is the bitch act like she didn't know what I was talking about. Oh, I didn't, oh, I just rinsed the cup out. No, did you rinse it out with a rag or a sponge? Because this shit stink.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:50

You know, but wherever it was sitting on probably needs to be changed or cold.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:56

She admitted that she rinsed it out with the rag. I said, That shit is old. You need to throw that shit out. Throw it away. Get a new sponge.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:04

Yeah, you hate that.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:06

I poured the whole the whole drink out.

SPEAKER_06 1:31:08

Yeah. We're all somewhat alike on shit. Uh, whenever I do dishes, the first thing I do is take whatever rag is there and goes into the new one. You're a gentleman. I hate. Because I'm I know mad people. I've skin like 30 years. And you be like, you be out somewhere you get people daps, and motherfuckers be cologne warriors and swimming. That's your old low.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:37

It tastes like that's why you got the fist bumps. Bro, bro, we don't da we don't dab no more. That's what the fist bump is for. You don't let nobody touch your fingers.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:48

Nigga probably had his fingers in somebody coochie.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:54

No, it's like that with certain people, yeah. But regular people, they get the elbow.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:59

Regular civilians. They get the elbow.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:02

They get the elbow, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:05

Yeah. Damn, like how much did you spray the bottle?

SPEAKER_07 1:32:07

Yeah, you sprayed the whole bottle, bro. Do too much. Before that, it was the Muslim boy. The Muslim boy used to go crazy. Yeah, for sure. You smell that shit on somebody for days. For sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:16

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:18

Like incense.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:19

Yeah. Shit smell like wow, incense going. That's fucking insect.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:23

That's funny as well. Imagine that shit on your weed when you smoke your weed, right? You touch somebody's hand, you give them the dab, then you go light your weed up.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:29

You're like, Dan, it's sprayed body spray. I might have put before it was a really bad thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:37

They used to, you know, that when it comes in the mail, they used to use dryer sheets. Yeah. My hand was not open for you to come.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:47

Get into it. And seep into it.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:50

Yeah, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:52

That shit wasn't wrapped good enough.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:53

You got your dryer sheets gotta be separate from everything else.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:57

That's good. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:59

That was a pretty solid talking shit session.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:01

Yeah, it was. It was good. I liked it.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:02

No, I'm good. I'm good. All right, well, for today. Tone it down for health, wealth, and positivity.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:14

Take a deep breath. Count to six, seven.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:34

Welcome to health, wealth, and positivity. Some fathers are physically present but emotionally absent. Unhealed fathers raise confused children. I mean, I don't know. I'm not a father, so I've been unhealed as a mother.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:03

Yeah, so I had to fix that shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:34:06

We've talked about that. I mean, I'm still working on children.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:09

Like I said, I see these little boys and healing that three-year-old boy myself. I see that. Again, you don't get the father or the parent that you want. You get the parent that you have. Right. And you get to choose to parent the children in a different type of way.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:26

So there's really no handbook to this shit. You have to learn how to parent your kids, how to be that parent for your kids. Like how to no matter what way you cut it.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:37

It sounds like you guys are doing great, though. Just me objecting. Yeah, that's from what I'm hearing. So you guys got doing the damn thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:44

I got a court day coming up to get uh sole custody of my daughter. My 12-year-old daughter. She's like I can't wait till the 25th. I said that's the last day of school. She said, no, for court. You more excited. She don't want to be a good thing. She's keeping track. It's crazy that you never really hear about a kid not wanting to be with their mother.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:04

Yeah. It happens more than you think.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:07

I don't, and I don't like use that for leverage or nothing. When I filed my petition, I didn't do it out of spite. I didn't do it out of anger or nothing. Like, I did it because that's the responsible thing for me to do. Like, she's my responsibility. This is my child. Like, I could take care of her the same way her mother took care of her. Yeah, yeah. Probably better. But I'm not trying to outdo her. You know what I'm saying? Outcarry her. I'm just trying to be a better father for me. Trying to do that. And do what you're capable of. You get what I'm saying? Like, that that's that's what works for me. Like, this helps me. I'm dealing with a lot of trauma right now. I just lost my mom not too long ago. Sorry for that, bro. Rest in peace, my mom. I'm trying to get, thank you. I appreciate that. I'm trying to get, I'm, I'm getting closer with my kids. Yeah. Even though we already were, you know, close or whatever, but that just makes me pull in closer to me because now I lost the like the top, the the the missing piece to my my life. Like, you know what I mean? So that can't be replaced, it can't be filled in, but it could be like it could be soothed over.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:09

You know what I mean? With me having my kids.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:12

Being more interactive with them, you know what I mean? So that's why I'm at with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:18

Alright, let's get into the wealth portion.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:21

Financial stability can change how a father shows up.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:30

I agree.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:32

You said you agree with that. Financial stability can change can change how a father shows up. Yeah. In a lot of cases, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:40

I think like just maybe you being a man, period. You know what I'm saying? And maybe not having that financial stability for yourself to be even be able to take care of your kids.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:51

You don't necessarily need to be financial stable to take care of a kid. I mean, you do have to you need the basics. As long as you got food, clothing, and shelter, all that kid needs is love or somebody to listen to it.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:00

I think a lot of men shy away from it though, because they're not financially stable or they're not they feel like they're not able to do that. They feel like they're not worthy enough.

SPEAKER_07 1:37:10

I shouldn't be like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:11

I shouldn't the child that they can do all these things. And it's sad because they really don't understand. Like that baby just wants you to be there. That's it. Right? Take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_07 1:37:22

You're not trying, but at least shout out to the stuff. That's different. If you're trying and shit not working, then they they need to see that that you're trying. You get what I'm saying? If you're sitting around on your ass waiting for shit to happen and waiting for people to do something for you, they're not gonna respect that. Yeah. You shouldn't even respect that as a father. You don't. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 1:37:41

So you're trying to run away from it. Yeah. Also, you shouldn't be fucking if you're not about to do it. But if you're not ready for that responsibility, definitely. That's how I feel though.

SPEAKER_07 1:37:48

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's definitely excuse me. That's okay. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_06 1:37:53

I'm gonna say it's definitely 100%, because we live in a capital, capitalistic world, I heard you say where money makes the world go around, so to speak. You know how you feel as a man is is really connected. Like how we watching some podcasts, not watching a podcast, listening to someone shit on YouTube and all that. And just like uh like being able to be a father that can always pay their bills. Yeah, like that that's a big part of like having people's confidence.

SPEAKER_08 1:38:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:32

If you can't even make sure you can keep the lights on, that's why like a lot of your like if you think of where you spend the most of your time, most people spend the most of their time working, yeah, and then sleeping.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:50

And then whatever else they decide they want to fit in after that. But working is really top priority for most of the people I know because if we're not living off the land. Yeah, building. Correct. So trying to get things. That's important. And just being peasant, I know I'll go to the casino and get popped for a couple bands, and I'm a whole different father than I get owned.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:39:16

It's long, I might not want to really get up early tomorrow. You know, like the hoverboard thing. My daughter wanted a hoverboard, and it ain't a necessity for her to have one.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:39:30

But I've been on some gambling shit for these last like six months. So I had a couple good nights, and those couple good nights make me forget about all the bad nights. Yeah. So I was just like, yeah, I'll come up out to this hoverboard, and then I'm gonna continue. I got fried. Shit. She's pressing me now. Where is it? Where's my shit? You said you were getting a gift.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:54

If I hit, and I ain't hit.

SPEAKER_06 1:39:57

So now that she's smart now. Oh, but you didn't even have to hit the money that you was spending to go try that. You could have got it. I mean, but is she a wrong? So now how do you say shit? Right, rebuttal.

SPEAKER_07 1:40:11

You can't say shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:12

That turns you into okay, now you you fake a liar. Uh-huh. You fake don't know how to handle your money. You fake doing promises to your kids you can't keep. Oh shit, damn, I'm kind of jammed up because even if I want to do this, now I gotta try to go get it back, or I gotta spend some more of my time making the money that I just lost. Correct.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:34

So that shit's real, bro.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:37

No, it's yo, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:39

And you're you're using gambling, but that could be extrapolated to literally almost any other thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:44

That's deep.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:45

And I have. They gotta change my name to chips, call me chips now. Yeah. Walking around my casino chips, flickering and sounds like all that.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:55

Should have went on.

SPEAKER_06 1:40:57

You see your pop up. Take my dumbass back down there, get fried. I'm talking all hoverboard dreams. Yeah. And I was like, just a bitch ass nigga.

SPEAKER_08 1:41:10

Stop it. Let's do it, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:12

Nah, they be like that. These kids be like that. All right, positivity portion. Healing fathers break generational curses. Consistency builds trust more than gifts ever will.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:27

I receive that. What they do like this?

SPEAKER_05 1:41:30

Yeah. Big time. I'll take that.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:32

That's all. I didn't even gotta say that.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:36

Or somebody said it better. It's real good.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:40

Well, happy Father's Day to all the men who show up, stay consistent, heal, and choose their children every single day. Happy Father's Day, fellas.

SPEAKER_05 1:41:51

Again, I heard you guys your stories, just a little bit of your stories.

SPEAKER_07 1:41:56

Oh my god, I need to put this You guys are great dads. I don't want this shit all over.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:04

Alright, I'll dust it off you when we're done.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:07

I was gonna say that I I hear your stories, and you know, I'm doing my own thing here. It sounds like you're doing your own thing there, and you're doing your own thing there. Shine brighter, bro. Yeah, shine as bright as you can, bro. And legit see you.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:27

Literally stuck in the shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:28

Yo, Kevin is tight right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:29

Yeah, it is alright.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:32

She's a terrible friend, isn't she, Kevin? Guys, uh, I appreciate you for coming on the pod.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:36

Yeah, thank you for coming, guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:41

You guys were watching this, you know what to do. Like, comment, share, subscribe. Hold on. Give us a call 802-319-9133.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:48

Hit us up!

SPEAKER_05 1:42:49

We're waiting on you guys. Yes, and as always, Lady Crystal, send me a shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:53

Stay wholesome, but don't forget to be a menace, y'all. We are out of here.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:13

I like those five.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:14

Thank you. We're about to be firing out all these music today.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:24

I feel like niggas don't really think about that, but we got it. I think that that's where the balance comes into place. Men and women need each other for is the house clean? Good.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:40

Good to go.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:42

I want it to be clean and cute.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:44

There we go.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:45

Yeah. Plants over here. Right. Yeah. A little coffee tea bar and pink knife set.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:54

With a beard. You're talking about this shit. Ladies are very beautiful. So right now, and it's kind of crazy, but I did a good job.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:05

I don't know. I did a good job. You did a great job. You look like them wiggles out. I look like I look like my dad. I don't look like my dad right now. You don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:19

She said you look like Joe Button.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:23

Did I look like Joe? I do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:26

Big Daddy Joe.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:27

Shout out to Jack. I first said that was like Jack Harlow, but I'll just let my dad take this one.