Episode 10 - So what's the answer?

In this Season 1 finale of The Big Question, Jessica reflects on everything she has learnt so far;  from industry professionals, performers, psychologists and experts. Has searching for answers brought her any closer to making a decision, or has it revealed something even more important about accepting who she is?

Join Jessica as she looks back on the highs, surprises and lessons of the first season, shares what she’s discovered about herself, and reveals whether she has finally found the answer she’s been seeking.

And with Season 2 on the horizon, the journey may only just be beginning… 🎙️✨

For more news on The Big Question and to learn more about it's guests head to 

@thebigqpod

Follow Jessica Kingsley actress, content creator & influencer @mymagicalquests for her own personal quests and life in London.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hi, you're listening to the big question by Jessica Kingsley. That's me, and I'm going to be presenting my journey of self-discovery to find out if by altering my nose will I actually alter or change my life? But I'm also going to be looking at the broader picture. I want us to delve into society's obsession with beauty standards. Society's obsession on the street, on our TVs, on our screens, and the pressure we put on ourselves. In a world, especially a Western world, why do we boast about how diversified we are when it comes to looks? When actually we're no more further than we ever were, and there's even greater pressure than ever to conform to trends and perfect beauty standards. I believe that my big nose is holding me back from my big dream of becoming a TV and screen actress. I want to find out if talking to other people about their looks and about the industry will actually help me to decide whether or not I should have a nose job. Welcome back to the big question. I'm Jessica Kingsley and this is episode 10, the last episode of season one. But somehow this episode feels different because somehow what started for me as a very personal question about whether I should or shouldn't have a nose job has become something much bigger. But this season has never really been about noses. It's been more about identity and self-worth, beauty, rejection, and confidence. And why so many of us walk around feeling like we're not quite good enough. Be that for actors seeking their big break or for those who are just endlessly scrolling social media comparing themselves to others. You know, today I heard on the radio that a statistic was released that adults, not kids, not teenagers, spend about two hours, sometimes up to four hours a day, aimlessly scrolling with no purpose. No wonder our mental health is being tortured. We are totally losing touch with reality. When I first came up with this idea for a podcast, I genuinely thought, who on earth is gonna care about little old me debating on whether or not I should get a nose job? It felt very niche and embarrassingly personal, actually. And of course, no one really can answer that question for me. But then the messages started coming in. Actors telling me that they've avoided sending in their self-tapes because they hated the way they looked when they delivered a certain line. Women saying that they still cover up parts of their body or want to hide parts of their faces because of comments that were made to them decades ago. Men saying, me too. Teenagers messaging me in confidence saying, Help, I feel the same way. What should I do? And suddenly I realize this story isn't just mine. We're all carrying something. I've now had hundreds and hundreds of downloads across streaming platforms and thousands of YouTube and social media views, and listeners tuning in from places as far apart as Japan, Argentina, and Kuwait, which honestly blows my mind. Clearly, this conversation is resonating around the world. Because deep down, so many of us are actually asking the same question. If I change something on the outside, would I actually feel good enough inside? This season has taught me a lot. When I spoke to Neil Wright about casting, I was really hoping for reassurance that the industry had evolved. And in many ways it has. It's more inclusive than it's ever been, with different races, backgrounds, genders, and stories. But despite all that progress, I still didn't feel represented. Which surprised me. What am I not seeing? Is it noses or is it something else? Then came Dr. Stephanie DeMalis, an episode that sparked huge engagement. I think people expected that someone working in aesthetics would be superficial, but Stephanie was thoughtful, ethical, and very emotionally intelligent. And yes, beauty treatments can make people feel better on the inside. That's the truth. We live in a world obsessed with appearance, afraid to say, pretty privilege exists. You see it everywhere, especially in entertainment. And as brutal as it sounds, people often respond better to people who look good or polished. So then I started asking, can style change how we feel about ourselves? Which led me to interview personal stylist Abby Wood. Maybe a curveball guest for some people, but I wanted to know whether clothes, colour, and styling could genuinely transform confidence and body image. And honestly, I did learn something valuable: that when you feel good about how you look, you carry yourself differently. But it still didn't answer the big question about my nose. Episode five with psychologist Hannah Abrahams was probably the most emotional episode for the season and for me, and maybe my personal favourite. Because that conversation cracked something open in me. We talked about childhood, trauma, family dynamics, and throwaway comments that stay with us forever. Because sometimes it's just that one sentence at the wrong age that can shape the way someone sees themselves for the rest of their lives. It's definitely put a different perspective on my own parenting. The response to that episode was quite overwhelming. People said that they cried listening to it. Others said that it helped them understand themselves for the first time. And it made me think, I'm really glad I started this, and I'm really glad I shared. So if I've helped one person out there heal, then this is all worthwhile. But we all know social media is damaging our self-esteem. So why are we still trapped in it? But I suppose humans have always done this. We compare, we compete, we strive, and social media just loves to amplify it all. Then there was Susie Bloom who reminded me that acting is often a strange mix of timing, luck, and relentless graft, or graft, as my husband says, because it sounds better. Susie Bloom was brilliant and really reminded me of how so many successful actors have sacrificed so many things, such as birthdays, relationships, stability, or for the chance that someone might finally say, yes, we want you. And when I got the great honor to interview John Hopkins, I thought maybe he'd reveal some secret formula for success. But instead, once again I heard the same themes: sacrifice, insecurity, compromise, and typecasting. Even successful actors carry hang-ups. Then came Daryl back, who confirmed some of my fears about the industry and probably added a few more to it. And finally, speaking to Mohammed Kamel, which felt incredibly important and personal. Because for the first time I turned the question fully onto somebody else's face and heritage. Muhammad spoke honestly about how his nose and his looks has actually helped him get cast. But not with some awful stereotyping at the same time. And if I'm being truthful, it made me realize that mine probably never will. But maybe that's the point. Maybe the answer isn't changing myself to fit the industry. Maybe the answer is understanding why I wanted to fit in in the first place. Which brings me to season two. And trust me, things are about to get bigger. I'm going to be meeting with a man who claims he can alter my nose non-surgically for hundreds instead of thousands. I'm diving into beauty standards through art, history, one of my personal favourite subjects, and looking at culture of looks. I want to explore the ethics of cosmetics, surgery, religion, identity, and ancestry. If God made us in his image, then surely it would be blasphemous to change ourselves. And anthropologically, what does my nose actually say about my heritage? If I changed it, would I be erasing my history? Whitewashing something ancestral to me. What would my ancestors think? And what happens when my future grandchild, perhaps, suddenly inherits grandma's old nose? Or would I be perpetuating the Hollywood trend of hot washing? A term my friend introduced me to recently, which is a reference to adapting complex, often gritty and deeply flawed literary characters by casting them conventually with highly attractive or hot actors to play them. Think the recent adaptation of Wuthering Heights with Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi. These are the questions I want to keep exploring. I'll also continue to talk to actors, creative, and experts about what helps people succeed and what quietly holds them back. Also, as someone said to me, maybe I am believing my own negativity and manifesting rejection in my acting and blaming my nose for it. So I've been trying to manifest a more positive attitude. I got some new headshots done by the wonderful Miriam Pancheva, who helped me see that my midlife beauty was there still, which I couldn't see anymore because possibly I was so fixated on my nose. Armed with some new photos, it led me to coin a new phrase that perhaps is not a midlife crisis, but a midlife creativity. A time for me rather than for others, a time for me to share and grow. And I have actually had more castings and interest. So I'm manifesting with all my might. So if you've been listening, sharing, messaging, or supporting this podcast in any way, thank you. This journey has been far more emotional, revealing, and meaningful than I ever expected. And I want to give a huge thank you to my producers, Gia and Sam at Sad Face Media, who haven't just edited this podcast but genuinely have supported me through the process. Giving me honesty when I needed honesty, encouragement when I needed encouraging, and patience when I needed a break. And helping me shape this strange little idea into something real. So, until next time for season two, I'm Jessica Kingsley, and this is The Big Question and more.