Episode Five: The Flight & Fight Response

In this episode we dive into the fight and flight response and some tools we can use to move through our stress. We'll learn how this is showing up for us and how regulation can help us to become better leaders. 

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Transcript

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Welcome to Means to Ascend, a podcast for people who care deeply about how they grow, how they lead, and how they show up for others. Here we explore self-help, career growth, job transitions, and leadership through the lens of empathy, compassion, and progress over perfection. We believe the most impactful leaders aren't flawless. They're human, self-aware, and committed to learning. So wherever you are on your journey, thank you so much for sharing space with us. Let's get into it. Hello and welcome back to the Means to Ascend podcast. Today we're going to be talking about our fight and flight responses and nervous system regulation, specifically, you know, when it comes to the professional environment and leadership. Today I am doing this solo, so you only have one Lindsay with you, but I promise it's still going to be such good information. Last time we talked more about freeze and fawn. So if you'd like to go back to the last episode, please feel free to do so. This is pretty intense work. So we wanted to make sure we were breaking it down in a way where it was very digestible. So let's get started by talking about the fight response. It's not that we don't relate to that. I think more often than not, I hear people say they relate more to the flight response. But honestly, the more that I kind of become aware of my own fight response, the more I understand that this really is something that comes up for me. Um, even with my own family and friends, when I'm feeling quite anxious, I can, you know, be snappy, I can come off as angry, I can raise my voice. Sometimes it's this feeling of being really um misunderstood. And how I view the fight response is there is a need of ours that isn't being met, or maybe that feels violated, that when we're when we're violated, when we're not getting our need met, that's when we respond in that intensity and anger. So this can, and you know, this is a whole spectrum. This can look like so many things in so many ways. You know, I hope you're not dealing with a level of anger from someone that feels dangerous. And of course, I always recommend speak to HR, speak to people that can help in this situation. But this can look anything like having to walk on eggshells with people. Maybe people are really kind some days and great, and other days they're a bit more unpredictable. It could be my way or the highway tendencies, taunting, mocking, shaming. Once again, that's a bit more extreme. It could just be sarcasm that you really don't appreciate, or feeling like this person is putting me down, or slamming their door, and I'm not quite sure if it's about me or not, but it feels um disconcerting. Um, it could be people that just have really big emotional reactions. You could be driving home from work and you might find yourself doing this where you're cutting people off, you're yelling at people, you're honking, you're getting quite frustrated. So that's why we say the fight flight response, because in my opinion, these two responses are adjacent to each other. They fall into the same category of activation within our nervous system. You know, fawn is much more, I'm going to appease everyone, I'm gonna fall into my people pleaser mode. And of course, freeze is just this feeling of I don't know what to do right now. Fight is I'm taking action, I'm barreling forward. Um, so just becoming a little more aware, your your first response might be, hey, I don't do that at all. And in actuality, the more that you become aware of it, um, this could just be for me not being as kind to someone as I want to be, not having the patience that I want to have, um, being at a doctor's appointment and someone asking me a question and being shorter with them than I want to be. This can be, you know, more dominating behavior, frequent arguments, aggressive communication. This could even be defensiveness. You know, you get some feedback and you completely dismiss it and you don't relate to it whatsoever. So just bringing some awareness to how and when this might come up for you. And then what I want to do is talk about some ways that we can potentially move through this. Regulating the fight response. Here's some tips for you. Um, this is also great when we're home with our families. I really want to emphasize this. This is, you know, work and life. They're they're both life. This isn't like we become a completely different person at home. There's just different triggers uh when we're at home. So I want you to label what's happening. I want you to feel that emotion in your body. I want you to pause and say, okay, what's causing this? This could be removing yourself for a moment, ideally, going to the bathroom, taking a couple of deep breaths, and really asking yourself, where is this coming from? Oftentimes, if I'm in this space, I try to just articulate, even if it's, you know, I'm sorry how I'm reacting right now, this is how I'm feeling. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed, I'm feeling overstimulated, I'm feeling unheard, whatever this is. Or you can just notice it within yourself. Okay, I'm feeling really activated in my body right now. You could, you know, splash some cold water on your face. You know, we're feeling quite hot at the moment, literally. So the cold water can kind of calm us down. Lengthening the exhale. This is good for fight or flight, just kind of taking that space. You know, I'm breathing in for four and I'm releasing for six. We're not necessarily trying to reason with ourselves in this state. We're more trying to move the energy. Okay. So you might be the kind of person that's putting yourself down and wishing you weren't reacting like this. Most likely you are that kind of person. And what I want you to do is instead, okay, let me be there for my body, let me move this energy. If I can go for a brisk walk, if I can, you know, maybe I can get to my car and I can just let it out. I can scream. I can release that energy. Maybe I can punch a pillow. Um, how do I move the energy from my body? Maybe I can do some squats. Now, take this or leave it with anything, but there are obviously more accessible things that you you could access at work, which would be going to the bathroom, very easily excusing yourself from a conversation where you're feeling like, you know what, I'm getting really triggered, I'm getting really activated. I don't need to say anything except for I'm just gonna, I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back, right? Five to 10 minutes, slash that cold water, take those deep breaths, lengthen the exhale. If possible, I also say do not respond to emails when you are in this state. Don't call the person that you're angry with when you are in this state. Uh, you're most likely going to regret that. So, what I encourage you to do is to find ways to separate yourself, ideally, not always possible, but even in those moments, taking the deep breaths can help. You can say, you know what, I need a moment to collect my thoughts. And people will respect that. And then what I want you to start doing later, especially if this is coming up quite frequently for you, is utilize self-reflection. So we're not trying to utilize the self-reflection in the moments. Instead, we're trying to regulate, we're moving the energy, we're taking the breaths, whatever that is. But later, I want you to ask yourself what need of mine felt violated? And how, when and if possible, can I make those asks? Can I make those adjustments for myself? Because I deserve that. I deserve to feel better. And people can't know that until I have those conversations. So it could be, hey, can you be more clear in your emails? Or, hey, you know what? I actually need to leave at 4 p.m. on Thursdays because of something that's going on at home. Or, you know what, I need uh 15 more minutes in my lunch break. These are just random examples, but you might not being, you might not feel like you're being heard or respected in some of these moments, or you're just simply quite overwhelmed and the energy needs to go somewhere. So, flight, we're all a little more familiar with, right? I mean, this could be I can't stop, or something bad is going to happen. I have to take on so many projects, I need to constantly be productive. You know, I am incapable of relaxing. I'm constantly checking my phone. My brain does this thing where I'm just always like, what am I missing? I get something checked off the list, and then instantly I go, okay, great, what am I missing? And so then I'm always kind of focusing on the next problem. And what that is, is nervous system regulation at its at its finest. It's a coping mechanism. My brain has basically told me, in order to stay safe, I need to focus on the next thing. I need to always be moving because if I were to be present, then what if I miss something? What if something goes awry? What if I'm not prepared for it? So it creates this situation where I'm always on the hamster wheel. When in actuality, if I were to just find more ways to be present, I would create more of a sense of safety in my body. And so it's this ironic situation where we're trying to protect ourselves, but we're actually creating far more stress. So here's some tools I want to provide you for the flight response. One of the things I like to ask is who could it benefit if I simply slow down? So even moving more slowly in our homes, doing things more slowly. Okay, I'm going to cook dinner and I'm going to chop the vegetables really slowly. And I'm going to very slowly walk over to my fridge and get the next ingredient. And as I'm doing that, I'm noticing my feet on the floor and I'm taking some deep breaths. Once again, do what's accessible for you. This might be more accessible, accessible for someone who doesn't have, you know, toddlers or young children or barking dogs or, you know, these kinds of things. But how do I just simply slow down? Because when I slow down, I'm signaling to my body that I'm safe, which creates almost an expansion of time, which tells my body I'm allowed to go slowly. I'm allowed to not be in this state of anxiety. Five senses exercise. This can be utilized in the middle of a meeting. I promise you. This could be in when someone's presenting and you feel like you're gonna fall asleep. I promise you, no one's going to know that you're doing this. It's also an amazing tool for panic attacks. Notice five things you see, and you can go as slowly or as quickly with this as you would like. But this could be what color, you know, what are the items I'm seeing? What's the color of the wallpaper? What's the color of the floor? What's the color of the desk I'm at? I want you to notice four things you feel physically. So your clothing, your chair beneath you, your shoes, your hair on the back of your neck. Notice anything you hear. Notice anything you smell, notice anything you taste. And you can actually, if you'd like, continue to do that. You don't have to stop with one round, but simply looking around, getting off your phone. The instinct to be on our phone is huge. Um, we're quite addicted to it. It's that dopamine response. It also goes hand in hand with what am I missing? Who could be getting a hold of me? What if someone's trying to call me? What if there's an issue? So it kind of goes with that protect that maladaptive protection response. Hey, what happens if I just set my phone aside? Maybe I have it on silent for five minutes, and I simply observe my environment. Weighted pressure. So weighted blankets are also great. I have one, I really enjoy it, but just even putting your palms in your thought on your thighs and pressing down can be a really nice way of grounding and telling your body, hey, I'm okay right now. Saying, this too shall pass. This too shall pass. Nothing is permanent, including my current state of anxiety. I'm just feeling activated right now. Stretching, gentle walking. Um, this could be a three-minute meditation. This could be box breathing, which is breathing in for four, holding for four, maybe releasing for four. I kind of almost like the triangle version. So I'm not holding at the bottom. I'm just doing four, four, four. And that can also enhance our focus and bring us back to the present moment. Intentional movement. This could be once again stretching or a very brief yoga exercise. And once again, maybe after the moment reflection. So once I'm more in a space of presence, I ask myself, how did I kind of get to that flight response? And sometimes, if you're anything like me, especially, you're just kind of in that space because of society, because of your to-do list, because you know, maybe you have some ADHD or diagnosed anxiety or anything like that. But you're just, it's almost like your go-to because it has been this mode of protection for you. Even if you wish it didn't exist, even if you know it isn't very good for you, and you'd like to become the kind of person that is more present. I love that. I'm right there with you. But it's also just the recognition that your body really is trying to protect you. And the more that we can kind of accept it and say, Oh, yeah, there I am again. I'm rushing around, I got a lot going on. There's a lot on my plate, there's a lot on the to-do list. I'm there for a lot of people. All of these things, the more we can find some normalcy in that, the more we can also just release it. I think oftentimes we don't want to feel, right? We don't want to feel, so we want to find all of these solutions, which are very, it's a pure intention for ourselves. So I'm right there with you. But sometimes if we can just accept this flight response instead of saying there's something wrong, I need to fix it, that can also just take it down a level to say, oh yeah, I'm making this a problem again. I actually didn't need to make it a problem. It's something I've had for quite some time. It's going to be okay. And I'm gonna be there for myself to find ways to work through it. And of course, to always ask for help when I need it. So that's what I have for you today. Here, if you have any questions, thoughts, we also have our Means to Ascend leadership group, so our free group where we do our best to meet monthly and talk about different leadership topics. So we'd love to hear more about how this is going for you. If there's any specific questions or blocks you're facing, we are here to support. And just so you know, we are right there with you in spirit and truly going through this right next to you, figuring this out as we go as human beings. So thank you so much for listening today. Uh, we can't wait to see you for next time. And I hope this has been helpful. Thanks.