Episode 6: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Part 1

Join us as we discuss The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. We've broken this up into two episodes so you can really digest each of the seven habits. 

To join the Means to Ascend leadership community you can go to https://ascendantnow.com/means-to-ascend/. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Means to Asset, a podcast for people who care deeply about how they grow, how they lead, and how they show up for others. Here we explore self-help, career growth, job transitions, and leadership through the lens of empathy, compassion, and progress over perfection. We believe the most impactful leaders aren't flawless. They're human, self-aware, and committed to learning. So wherever you are on your journey, thank you so much for sharing space with us. Let's get into it. Hello, welcome back to Means to Ascend. This is episode six, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. We're going to talk about this book by Stephen Covey. Um, it talks a lot about how to be more effective and what does being effective even mean? Why is it important? A lot of really important perspective shifts when it comes to leadership and working with other people. So we're going to start today by speaking more on the first three habits that are much more internal. So very independent, things we can do for ourselves. And then the second component is much more relationship focused, much more how do I work more effectively with other people? And once again, why does that matter instead of being siloed? So, Lindsay, have you read this book or have you?

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I in full transparency have not read the entire book, but there's so many pockets to it that I've talked about or presented on, or like I've reused a lot of these quotes, you know, like we talk all the time about the Eisenhower matrix, and we talk about you know, rest is productive and the active listening. So it's like pieces of it I think are infused in a lot of our training. And when you were first doing the intro, it made me think of leadership of others begins with leadership of self. And like not just do I want to be a highly effective person, but like how do I try to be a decent leader to my family, my team, anyone when I don't have my own kind of stuff in order. So I think it's a really good way to look internally and figure out am I doing all the right things within my control before I try to start helping other people or showing other people what to do.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

And it's so easy to shift the blame. It's so easy to say, well, this huge thing is happening and this got dropped on me. This person's acting this way, we have this tight deadline, whatever it is, instead of shifting back to, which is really the first habit that he talks about is being proactive and focusing on the controllables and focusing on what you can control versus all of the other things that are happening around you.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I'm sure that some of these will have overlap to other other books or other concepts or other theories you've heard about, or if you've been through any kind of leadership course, or you've taken any classes, or you've had a coach in the past, you're gonna see some similarities. Um, but we're gonna dig a little deeper into kind of what that what it means and how we can apply them. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

And I was pretty shocked as I was like reading and and going through the work that all of the things that he talks about are the things that I already present on and work on every single day in the leadership training that we give. And even back when I was teaching more of just the stress reduction stuff, which I still teach, but even when it was just that like mindfulness and thought management, these were the things that I was actually teaching. So it was super interesting to kind of go through this and be like, wow, yeah, I didn't realize it goes into all of this.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

It almost makes you think, and like maybe this was before Stephen Covey or after after Stephen Covey, but like is that thread or is that foundation like positive psychology? You know, like what is that core that sort of you can it's like that fundamental teaching or like dogma, if you will, that's kind of like the tenants of this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, it's a lot of like controlling yourself versus controlling others, which I think a lot of us try to do, of course, to invoke safety. If I can control other people, then I'll finally be safe. And instead, it really comes back to if I can try to create some semblance of safety within myself, then I can feel some relief and uh and a grounding that maybe I'm actually seeking from other people. So yeah, it was really interesting. And one of the things that he talks about is defining effectiveness as instead of doing things right, doing the right things. So shifting to instead of I have this to-do list and I'm trying to be really efficient and I'm trying to get this done and this done and this done, which we can fall into really easily, it's shifting to, but actually zooming out what really matters right here.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Right. What matters most. And that reminds me of a quote that I think you have definitely seen in our leadership stuff where it's I think it's from um Peter Drucker. It says, Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things. So again, it goes back to like I could cross my T's, dot my I's, balance my checkbook, my house could be clean and you know, perfect, but I I've ignored my husband. I don't have a good relationship with my children, my health is failing. Um, you know, my all of those things, like, well, it doesn't matter that I did all these little things right when the big things that matter most, those values or those core things, have been slacked or I've been lacking time and attention to because I'm so busy with this kind of tikky-tacky stuff. You know?

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Exactly. I'm I'm stuck in my to-do list, I'm stuck in the day-to-day, but then I'm not connecting. I'm not, I'm not thinking about the the people that are so important to me as to why I'm actually doing all of the tikky-tacky things. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

And and even to the point where like this was me a couple months ago, like you start to resent all the tikky tacky things on your list, and then you're like, I can't be in a good mood, and I can't be like happy and whatever, chill because I am constantly running around doing all these things, and it's like, yeah, but then I realize I can give my kids chores.

unknown 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

So now I don't unload the dishwasher anymore, and it's fabulous. It's like it's such an easy, dumb task, but it's one less thing I have to do. Yes, you know, it's like go upstairs and grab all the trash cans and bring them down here. Like, I don't have to do that anymore. Like, and and again, every kid, every family's different, but sometimes when you zoom out long enough, you start to see, well, like maybe I don't have to do that. Maybe I can outsource that, maybe I can ask for help, maybe I can have a child or a spouse do that, maybe I can stop doing it altogether because it's really not that important.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Exactly. Maybe I can outsource it. Like, I've I've even been thinking about like a laundry service a little more. I think ever since you mentioned that to me, or um a laundry service or and or like meal planning services, or just things that especially when you're in busy, overwhelming seasons of life, I think it can just be so easy to get into victim mode and anxiety mode. So that's where this this first habit of be proactive, control the controllables. And sometimes there's a gray area, you know. Sometimes it's like, okay, um, I want to get a promotion, and part of that is completely outside of my control. But then part of that is I can show up on time, I can get my deliverables done, I can be a kind individual, I can, you know, show up as the best per version of myself. So um, but it's thinking back to even what we were just talking about is what what's within my control here? How do I make my life easier? How do I focus on the things that are important today? And then things that are outside of my control are gonna stress me out, but maybe I make a list of those and I put it to the side and I say, I I can't, I could spend all day complaining about the uncontrollables for really highly effective people. Don't do that. No, they don't do that. No, they don't absolutely it's like the serenity prayer.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Well, it is, and it also reminds me of like protecting your peace. And like I don't spend energy, I try not to spend energy on things that I I have I can do nothing about. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's politics, maybe it's the economy, maybe it's the job market. Like, I can't control any of that, but I can control like waking up when I want to wake up, my mindset, taking care of myself, how I treat people, you know, maybe reading.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

I'm gonna surround myself with. Yeah, like spend time with.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Strategies or goals. Goals are great too when you're feeling really out of control. Like give yourself a small or even a stretch goal that that's within your control. I'm gonna go get this certification. I'm gonna go read this book. I want to learn more about AI, and I want to learn about strategies to help people. Like there's always something within your control. There's always something you can do to feel more advocacy or agency. We just, I think it's easier sometimes to focus on everything around us because then we don't have to take ownership for it.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Agreed, you know, agreed. And sometimes you need to vent, and sometimes you need to get the poison out, but it really is the people that live there, the people that say, well, it's upper management, or it's this particular policy, or it's this client, or it's you know, it's so easy to fall into those kind of like gossipy negative holes at work or or outside of work for that matter. Um, and so coming back to, and this can be a really easy exercise if you want to start here, just drawing two circles, drawing an outer circle and drawing an inner circle. And within the inner circle, what are the things within my control? What are the things outside of my control? And really, what am I fixating on right now? And how do I shift? How can I shift back to just let me just do a couple of things within my control today to create a semblance of control so I can just feel more in the driver's seat of my life.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

And I also think when you start talking more about the seven habits, a lot of those are in the controllable circle. And if you're doing those consistently, not just because you have to or when you need them, but if you're consistently doing those seven things well, when those uncontrollables pop up unexpectedly, you are so much more equipped and prepared to handle them because you've done the work internally. You know, you have the right mindset, you have the balance, you have the health, you have the time management strategies, you you have all of that, the emotional regulation so that you don't lose, you know, you don't kind of freak out when some of those other things start to happen.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Yeah, absolutely. Because there's always going to be unknowns and uncontrollables that come up because that's just that's just life. Unfortunately or fortunately, it's we can't control other people, we can't control a lot of things that are happening at work, you know. I can't control um someone I might be working with, might be not getting a job for six months, for example. I can't control whether or not they're hired, but I can control how I speak to them, how I coach them, the information I share with them. Um, I can control the strategies that I share with them, the preparation that I give them, you know, if someone's fixating on one company for six months, if someone isn't adjusting their resume, there's all these things within my control. But if we just focus on, well, they're just not getting a job. And like that's you know, that's not the job market's really bad. So yeah, it's not about right. Absolutely. So it just it's really it's a good strategy. So that's that's habit one, which I love. I love always kind of asking myself that what are my controllables today? Um, habit two is a little more about zooming out still, it's kind of like beginning with the end in mind. So yeah, it's it's how you can view it in so many ways. We can talk about it as a mission statement, we could talk about it as, you know, at the end of your life, there's an article about you in the newspaper. And what do you want that article to say? What do you want your legacy to be? And when you really start to think about what are your values, what do you care about, what are your absolute top non-negotiables? Are you actually doing that in your day-to-day? Do you have any idea of what that is? And and I think many of us maybe do on some level, but we're not necessarily acting it out.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

So are you kind of saying there's like a misalignment between maybe our values, our wants, our our true needs, and what we're doing on a day-to-day basis?

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah, I think there's many people that would say, my family is my top priority. And those same people might be the people that are so wrapped up in their job, not because they're bad people, not because they thought they'd end up there or, you know, that gave us the uncontrollables that kept directing them, but it's the people that are there at 9, 10 p.m. saying they can't leave. It's, you know, the people that say they care a lot, maybe about their health, and then they don't end up going to the doctor for years. It's we all we all say we care about things, but then when your actions are not in alignment with what you say you care about.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Yeah, it brings us back to that like values exercise. Um, and I was taking a class, it was like a Cornell class for executive leadership. It was like a over COVID because I was freaking out about COVID. There's nothing I can control, my kids are home, it's a global pandemic, but I can go back to school and I can take this the certification. So that was like a goal I set that helped a lot because it gave me something to focus on. But there was a class around behavioral integrity. And in the behavioral integrity class, it was a lot about you're you're doing what you say you're gonna do. Um, your actions are in alignment with your words and your values, which we all know. But then it was like, okay, what are your top five core values? And it made us go through and pick them. And then it made us the class made us whittle it down to top three, but we couldn't just pick any top three that we liked and we thought was important. We had to prove it. We had to pull out our calendars, we had to pull out our checkbook or our credit card statement and show, hey, this was a priority to me because look at um in the last month, I had, you know, one-on-one time, or I had quality time with my family, or I ate dinner with them, or I went to the gym this many times, or I whatever it is that you're saying you care about, volunteering, spending time with your pets, seeing family from out of town, like show me that that's a true value. You can't just say it and think it, prove it to me.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Um show me the receipts, show me the action. And but that's like such a it's that deeper level of self-trust, too, to be like, I value this, and then look at what I'm doing. And it's a big wake-up call if you've kind of just been going through the motions. But the cool part about this too is like you can create a mission statement for home, and you can create one at work to say, I strive to be a highly empathetic leader so that the people that I work with feel comfortable coming to me and therefore can create even bigger results for them and the overall organization or something like that. Like you can demonstrate, well, oh yeah, I care so much about leadership. Well, show me how you care about leadership. Are you seeing, are you saying hi to people? Yeah. Are you caring when they're sick?

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Are you like, are you having one-on-ones? Are you making time for them when they stop by your office and want to chat? Or are you constantly focused on your own to-do list and you're too busy to talk to your people? You're too busy to take their phone call. Like, yeah, I think the actions always are going to speak louder than words. And when those actions aren't in alignment with what we claim our values are, um, that's where you kind of have that mismatch that you need to really focus on, like starting with the end in mind. Um, I also think to me, and I don't know if this is true because you know, you read the book, I didn't, but when I hear start with the end in mind, I think of almost like a commitment to excellence. Like if you're gonna do a book report or you're gonna do a school project, you don't start by slapping stuff together and being all like laxadaisical. Because you start with like, I really want to get a good grade. I want to show my teacher that I took this assignment seriously. So I'm gonna like put in my best effort. And even if I'm starting small, I'm building something that's gonna be bigger. And I want to, you know, demonstrate those same kind of like tendencies.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah. That makes sense. I want to be, I want to be proud of it. I want to be very intentional. I want to care about my life. Yeah. You know, and I think I think it is true to some degree, like how we do one thing is how we do everything. To some degree, I yeah. Infuse it's our it's our mindset. It's it's it's just the deeper why. I'm always trying to get to the deeper why, whether it's the why are we having this meeting right now, or the why am I in this career path right now? And sometimes introspection can get a little too much. It's like, okay, turn off the brain. But I really do. I'm always trying to get back to the why am I doing this in the first place?

SPEAKER_01 19:44

And why did it matter? Yeah. I also think that like, because I mean, I'm on this whole chores kick with my kids right now, and it's like, does it really matter if you don't unload the dishwasher well or with care and pride? No, in the long in the grand scheme of things, no. But what I'm trying to do is like how you do any job sets you up for success. Because, like, if you're gonna be a waitress, if you're gonna be a bartender, if you're gonna be a cashier, like whatever your first couple jobs are, if you do them really, really well and you control the controllables and you show up on time and you're positive and you're prepared and you you take pride in what you're doing, that's gonna set you up for the next couple of roles. Like, you won't be in that job for long. So kind of like care about it, you know, like do it well, but care because eventually it's gonna be you know, anything you could be picking up trash, you could be doing it. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, like do it to the best of your ability and people will notice.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yes, and so that might be coming back to this, it might be a really great activity if you're listening and you want to get into this. Look up a list of values and maybe do what Lindsay just shared. Okay, I think I've whittled it down to my top three out of like this hundred list, but then really go into what am I doing on a day-to-day basis? You can have compassion for yourself, you might be in a super busy season, you know, you might have some mental health stuff going on, some things going on, but really ask yourself, is that is that lining up? And if it's not lining up, what might I want to change? Which comes to habit number three, put first things first. So, okay, I I have my controllables, I have my mission statement, but then when I'm really kind of planning out my day, my week, my month, am I really prioritizing the actions that are going to lead to my mission statement being complete? What are the important but not necessarily urgent things? So maybe I have to pick up the dog from daycare. I'll tell you about my day. I have to go to the dentist. You know, I have to make sure I connect with some candidates. I have to like make myself lunch. If one of my top values is peace, where am I creating some level of peace within my day? Yeah. Right. Is it meditation? Is it self-compassion? Is it music? That's just an example. Maybe it's health. Okay. Where am I taking 20 minutes, 15 minutes to put my health first today?

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

These are the things that fall to the wayside when we are busy.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Exactly. And I think it's easy to lose focus on what matters most because those urgent, unexpected things keep popping up and you have to deal with them. Like you really can ignore them. So then those important but not urgent things like health, family, um, growth, learning, and learning and development, like whatever is important to you, um, peace of mind, those are always you got to make time for those. So unless you're being intentional and making time, okay, my work week is crazy. I'm traveling for work. When am I gonna make time for my family this week? Unless you're intentional with that, it's very easy to say, well, I was traveling all week and I was busy with work. I had no time. Of course I didn't have dinner with them, and of course I haven't seen my kids all week because you're you it's like that default. You're you're being reactionary instead of being proactive. So maybe it's all right, well, maybe I can take my kids out for ice cream, or maybe I can we can watch a movie together on the couch because it's gonna rain on Saturday. Like, but you're mindful of it and you're like intentional with what matters most.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Maybe you're out of town the entire week, but you come back to okay, family's my priority. I control the controllable. I take 10 minutes to speak to my son on the phone and I give him my absolute full attention, or I let him decide when the phone call is over. Like that's a perfect example of I control the controllable and it aligns with my mission statement. And I made sure I set that time versus, you know, going to the happy hour or whatever. It's I know a guy things don't need to take hours.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

I know a guy who travels a lot for work, he's like almost never home. Um, his wife does a lot of the child care, and his wife's parents are close by and they're huge, huge hands-on. But then I also hear that he golfs all the time. So I'm going to myself, okay, so you have a crazy hectic job. I can relate. You travel a lot for work, which isn't really my narrative. But when you are home, you're literally spending four hours on a golf course, multiple days in the weekend. That's its priority. That's I'm like, that tell that tells me everything I need to know about you. Like, not in a judgy way, just in a clearly your kids and your wife aren't a high priority. If because if I was gone all week for work, I'm not going to be like piecing out on the weekends, too. I'm going to be like making up for that lost time.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

But it just depends. And again, there's nothing wrong with golf. And maybe it's once in a while you do that. And maybe you were playing with some buddies or you're playing in a tournament, but how you spend your time tells me what I need to know about your true values, which goes back to that whole calendar exercise. Like, show me on your calendar where you made time for what's most important to you or what matters most. Show me.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A thousand, a thousand percent. And that might also be a little bit of a lack of self-awareness. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But I think self-awareness really comes in huge with these seven habits because it's also about taking personal accountability and saying, okay, well, I want to prioritize my health, but I kind of always find excuses or I procrastinate on that, or that feels really scary to me. And, you know, how do you start to start small and start to kind of schedule into your week? Here's my pockets of time where I really commit this full 15 minutes to whatever it is that I am prioritizing. Um, but yeah, that's that's really the first section of this content is, you know, he talks about how we're very dependent upon others as a young kiddo. And then we shift into adulthood, and this is kind of like our independence. And then the second component of the book is a little more focused on relationships and interdependence and why you as effective as you can be individually and as important as it is, you still really need to also be able to shift outside and to develop leadership and connections. Um, so we'll go into that into our next podcast. But I I really highly recommend that you dive into some of these activities first and just ask yourself, am I where I want to be? Am I feeling like I'm doing, you know, the right things in my life? And what might I have to shift?

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Do you think a sign that maybe someone is not in alignment would be like feeling stuck or feeling frustrated or like they know they know they need to make changes, but they're like afraid? Is that would that be like a fair statement to make?

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Yeah, I think it's different for everyone, but if you're like feeling like you want a different result, if you're not feeling content, happy, um I think that probably has a lot to do with being out of alignment with values, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Something feels off, like maybe you can never fully recharge even after a vacation or even after a weekend of doing nothing, you just feel depleted. Maybe you're not in the right role. Maybe the the company you work for is not in alignment with your values because you value work-life balance or you value things outside of work, and it's like a very cutthroat environment. Um just a thought.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Yeah, absolutely. So if you're feeling there, you know, have some compassion for yourself, maybe you're actually listening to this, being like, wow, I've I've really made some progress. And I actually think that I have been living in accordance to my values. I have been living with the end in mind. I have been doing the right things. So wherever you are, amazing. Let us know if we can support or help you in any way, shape, or form. If you would like to join our leadership community, you can go to our website, ascendantnow.com. And then there's a drop-down with means to ascend, and then you can put your info in and we do uh monthly workshops. We just kind of have a very supportive community in there to be able to just help each other grow and move forward. So we'd love to see you, and we'd love to hear what you think about this podcast. So let us know, and we will see you for the next one.