How to Rebuild Self-Trust After a Major Life Pivot

The Purpose and The Pivot is a podcast for women navigating transitions in career, leadership, faith, and personal growth. It’s for those moments when you’re re-evaluating what’s next and choosing to realign with purpose—intentionally and confidently.

Through honest conversations, meaningful stories, and practical insight, we’ll explore how to embrace change, lead through transition, and move forward with clarity after the pivot.

McLain Career & Life Coaching dba McLain Enterprises, LLC 

https://www.mclainenterprisesllc.com 

https://calendly.com/mclainenterprises/30min 

www.KristinLayne.com 

@KristinLayneOrganic 

Produced & Edited by: Tyrone K. Sullivan (Media Director)
linkedin.com/in/tyroneksullivan 

Transcript

0:02

Welcome to the Purpose and the Pivot, the podcast for women who know it's time for more. With your host, C Renee McLean, career and life coach and champion for women navigating change with confidence and clarity. Each week we'll have real conversations about career moves, life transitions, mindset shifts, and the power of redefining your purpose at every stage of life. Whether you're pivoting professionally, personally, or both, this is your space for guidance, growth, and grounded support. Let's dive in. Welcome to the purpose and the pivot. Today's episode is how to rebuild trust. Self-trust. After a major life pivot. And we are speaking with none other than Kristen Lane. And she is going to be talking to us about how to rebuild self-trust after a major life pivot. Everybody, welcome. Kristen Lane. Yeah, yeah. So, Kristen, tell us your full name and um your current title, your business before we get started. Yeah, my name is Kristen Lane, and I'm a somatic feminine sovereignty mentor, and my business is Kristen Lane. All right, all right. Thank you so much for that. And so, um, what are you doing professionally and personally in this season? So, right now is a season of rebuilding for me. Um, personally, I'm in a major life transition. I left a 15-year relationship, closed down a salon that I was running for the last 13 years, relocated with my kids, and started over in a way that kind of forced me to stop performing a life that looked good on paper and actually building one that feels good for me and my family. Okay, great, great. And um, how would you describe your life um right now, Kristen? It feels really raw and grounded and just really honest and true to myself. It's no longer about holding everything together, grasping and living from scarcity and on autopilot, and just I'm really being true to myself and belonging to myself. Okay, great, great. And um, tell us briefly describe the major life uh pivot that you just recently experienced. Yeah, so I just left a 15-year relationship, closed a business that I had for the last 13 years, and completely shifted my entire identity from holistic hairstylist to um and having a partner to stepping into um my work as a somatic mentor for women um and being a single mom and just you know, really being honest with what I want to create in my life. Um it's been a major identity shift to um, you know, from hustle mode to really going into more of a creative mode. Like hairstyles was creative, but this is a different creativity for me. Um and it also allowed me to get really honest with myself of boundaries that I wasn't upholding and seeing the truth for what it was. Um, life had a way of exposing a truth that I already knew in my body, in my intuition. Um and so my ex-partner was living a double life, and I knew that for years, and it was very isolating in the last couple of years, and so um yeah, I just had to kind of get really honest with myself and you know, give myself the time to make the decision, shatter the whole illusion that what I was living, and get out. So was there anything that actually led up to that moment for you to said, you know what, uh like a light bulb moment. What was it that led up to that moment that gave you that light bulb moment? You know, I wish I could say that like I had this big moment of like my bags were packed and I was so ready to leave and you know, um, and just ready to walk out. But I kept giving myself another chance of, you know, I wanted the family to work. I wanted things to really um, you know, I wanted our family to thrive and stay together. No, neither one of us had come from a broken home. And so it wasn't like an immediate thing, but once the truth came out, it was like, you know, I knew this all along and it's time to go. And there were many times when I, you know, had thoughts of leaving, and there were books that I was reading, and I saw myself in those stories, and I just felt like this isn't my path, and I I probably should get out of here, you know, and um, and so it was through all the work that I was doing for myself that I really just it allowed it, it's it supported me in a way to take those steps to really walk away. Okay. Did you see the pivot as a choice or a necessity or a combination of both? So at the same time, I was doing my own work and I was also in such isolation. Okay, but it was also allowing me to like remember myself and do my own self-work. And so I would say that the pivot really became necessary because I could no longer hold on to a life that I didn't believe in. And you know, I just felt really, you know, empowered to the point where you know, when truth comes out, I had to just I had to go, and the truth made it really impossible to stay in a place of denial. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. What emotions did you experience during the transition? First it was confusion. Okay. Um, because I couldn't decipher who was telling me the truth. And I just feel like when there's confusion and chaos, I just don't want to be a part of it. And so there was confusion, and then there was grief, and then there was rage, and then there was this relief of, you know what? I did it, I moved out, you know, and um it was very disorienting, um, just you know, moving locations too from a big city to a small town, having my own home to living with family, and you know, having my own business to now I'm starting over from scratch, and you know, the the plan was always to um eventually retire from hair and then move into coaching, but okay, I shut the whole salon down and decided to go, hey, I'm just gonna be the coach for now and let's see where it goes. And so okay, okay. Well, you know, a lot of times, you know, when we experience things, that brings out what we should be doing and who we really are. Um, you know, so it's all part of our journey, you know. Um, how did the pivot affect your confidence or your sense of identity? Hmm. It it felt like it was just like a whole dismantling. Like I questioned everything. I questioned my intuition, I questioned my decisions, I questioned my identity as a mother, as a partner, and who I am as a businesswoman. Um, and so it's like when when illusion breaks, it it breaks your heart, but it also breaks your own trust in who you are, and you start questioning, like, okay, you know, where did I miss this? Or, you know, um, yeah, so it was a it was a lot of questioning myself, am I making the right decisions? And learning how to follow that again. Okay. And um did at any point, did you feel disconnected from yourself? I want to say completely at first. The first you know, when I first made that decision, um and I just remember laying in bed right before I left, and I had a dream of my grandmother, and she basically said, break the cycle, get out. And I knew exactly what that meant. And it almost brought me back into a place of walking away from my old self and stepping into a new self. Okay. Now I know what I'm supposed to do. Okay, so now what does self-trust mean to you? It means feeling safe. Okay. And not feeling like I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. It's really, it's it's not just a mindset, but it's able to feel something and not abandon myself to really follow through. And what were the first steps you took to begin that process, Kristen? Slowing down. Okay. Slowing down has been a pivotal tool. Yes. That has been my tool for a while, and it's been a learning process on how to slow down. Regulating my nervous system, learning all these different somatic tools that I was studying in somatic school, and learning how to listen to my body just instead of overriding myself. So many times I can remember things that came up, and my body was just like, no, no, no. And oh well, push that down. Okay, that's good. Did rebuilding your self-trust, did you find that to be difficult at first? Yeah, because my nervous system was out of whack. Okay. When I first left, I my my whole system was just my whole body was shaky a lot. And um, you know, and and I was leaving a place of like, you know, I was in survival mode before I left, but even after I left, I still felt like I was in survival mode because I just uprooted everything. And you know, not knowing, you know, how am I gonna support my kids, how am I gonna get a new house, and how am I gonna do this and that, and yeah. Lots of questions, lots of questions, lots of questions. So um, in terms of those questions, and I will tell y'all, um, Kristen uh used to be my hair stylist, and I was so sad to to lose her as the as the hairstylist, I had to find somebody else to do my hair. She was really good. Um, and um, you know, we used to have some great conversations uh while she was doing my hair, and I really do miss that. Um, but as you were moving into this place of of new self-trust, um, did you find yourself struggling with uh self-doubt, fear, overthinking things? Yes, definitely, especially overthinking. Okay. I'm a Virgo and I tend to overthink everything anyways. Replaying conversations and questioning every decision and you know, trying to figure it out instead of you know being really honest with myself and just like, you know, what am I gonna do? And you know, is this the right move? And you know, from even from homeschooling my kids their entire life and putting them in school, you know, I questioned that for weeks, like, is this the right decision? You know, and it's been it's been a great decision. Okay, good, good. Just different little things. Say that again, just different little things, you know, trying to put my put my roots down and you know, be some sort of um stable. Okay, yeah. Okay. How did you navigate moments when the progress felt really slow or unclear? I think I just had to stop expecting clarity. Okay, and really focus on being stable, focus on, you know, making the decision and letting it go. And you know, if this is what feels right, just do it. You know, and just I mean, it's it seems kind of you know flighty in a way, but it was, you know, okay, this has to be done, so that's what I'm gonna do. And I just kept taking small actions to really just give myself stability. Okay. Great, great. What habits or practices or mindset shifts helped you to rebuild your self-trust? Well, first of all, somatic practices, and somatic practices is all about the body. So breathing exercises, moving my body every day, giving myself um, we call it touch. We're using breath, touch, sound, and movement. And I find sometimes I'm just hugging myself, like I just have to give myself like that, like you're okay, like a reassurance. And you know, then there's so much power in just touch. Um, but yeah, movement practices. I have to move my body every day. Being out in nature, okay, and then shifting from what's the right decision to what really feels safe and true to me. Safety has become a real thing. Okay. No, and that's good, you know, because we get to a point where we realize what's most important to us, right? And you're a mother of three, and so, you know, you have to be okay in order for your kids to be okay, right? So, I mean, because it's that trickle-down effect. And so, um, you know, I'm glad that you made the pivot uh to do what you needed to do for you and for the kids. Um, any specific tools that you use, like journaling? I know you're a coach yourself, um, but is there any coaching? I know you talked about moving, and we all need to move. I mean, you know, exercising. I've been on a um weight loss journey. And in order to do that, you know, I have to move every day. I have to make sure that I'm eating right and stop eating the junk that I love so much. Um, you know, but that movement is just so important. Is there anything else in addition to that? Um, you know, the somatic stuff, journaling, coaching, anything else that you are doing that you could share um, you know, with the audience? Yeah, I have a daily ritual that I have. It's my non-negotiable. I sit at the table. I I actually don't look at my phone for a few minutes before I connect with myself. Um, but I sit at the table, I have my breakfast, I do some journaling, um, I might read whatever I'm kind of filling into, but I try to really just connect with myself first in the morning. Um, and you know, sometimes I might do a meditation or just, you know, do some breath work. Uh-huh. Okay. I find that just writing from a stream of consciousness is so good for me, just to get all the stuff out of my head. And I come up with all these different ideas for content and ideas just for whatever I'm doing. And it's it's been really good. Writing has been my muse lately. So that's my biggest practice or tool. Okay, that's good. Yeah. Quieting yourself down, slowing down, writing your thoughts. I mean, and I think that that helps move from hesitation to confidence too, right? Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is this journey? I'm sorry, go ahead. Um, and I was also gonna say that keeping small promises to myself when I say I'm gonna do something, not waiting and actually do it. Like, for example, I'm gonna start working out this week, doing it. Like just going and doing it. And it's like it's those little bits, or even just um like not missing breakfast. So many days I used to skip right on through breakfast. I might eat lunch, but now even eating breakfast has become really important to me. Good, good. What has this journey taught you about yourself, Kristen? That I'm resilient, that I can adapt, and it's and it's like I always knew that, but I don't have to live in survival mode to prove it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That part. That part right there. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. How has your definition of confidence or success changed, given that answer? Confidence used to mean certainty. Okay. And it doesn't really anymore. It's really just believing in myself. Whether anybody else agrees, it's just like, nope, doing this for me and doing this for my kids. And this is what, you know. Um now it means that I can feel anything without collapsing and completely losing my mind and abandoning myself. And, you know, I can I can move through it. Okay, great. What are your most what are you, I'm sorry, what are you most proud of in your growth process? That I stayed with myself. I didn't completely lose myself in the process. I think even when I was still in the situation, I was still connected to myself. I just wasn't taking all the actions for it. Um, so now, like even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's messy or unclear, I can still be with myself and okay, you know what? This is messy. I can be honest about it. Get myself through it. Yeah. So I'm really proud of that. That's good. Yeah. And we have to be true to ourselves. Yeah. You know, because I mean we may be able to fool other people, but we really can't fool ourselves, right? That's right. You know, so we really do have to be true to ourselves. So that's good. That's real good. Well, Kristen, what would you say to someone who feels like they've lost trust in themselves? You didn't lose it, you just have to remember it. And you adapt to survive. Yeah. You adapted to survive. I think a lot of women forget that. Yeah. Yeah, doing what we have to do. We're and we are adaptable beings. Yeah. You know, we have to be. I mean, in this society, just in life in general, you know, and and personal pivots that we have to take. What would you say is one misconception about rebuilding confidence after a setback? That it's quick and linear. It's layered and it's it's an embodied process and it's cyclical. Like we go through cycles of in life, and it requires us to actually feel what we're avoiding. And it's not an overnight thing to just rebuild. Yeah, it takes time. It takes time and grace. Yeah. Yeah. It's a journey. Yeah. It's a journey. What would you say is one small step someone can take today to begin uh rebuilding their self self-trust? Learn how to pause. Learn how to just slow down and to pause, put your hand on your body and really just check in and ask yourself, you know, how do I actually feel? Am I okay? What do I need? And not from like a place of fixing, but just really being honest of what do I need right now? And I find that that's it's such a small thing, but it's it's huge. Yeah. The power of pausing. The power of pausing. The power of pausing. I like that. That's another episode. Absolutely, because I mean, you know, we're always so busy, right? Yes. And we're always like the energizer bunny. And we are not the energizer bunny. We need to pause. It's so important for us to do that. So, yes, the power of pause. I love that. I love that. So, as we we're getting toward the end of this um episode, um how has this experience reshaped your identity or your direction, would you say? I no longer build my life around being chosen or being validated. I build it from being integrity, being in integrity with myself. And I think what so many women experience is not only you know like a failure of discernment, but it's deception. And there are, you know, men out there that will mirror and perform and create this version of themselves to gain access. And it takes time for that mask to slip. And when it does, the the body kind of feels like, wait a minute, who are you? What just happened here? Yeah, what happened? And it's like a bond, you know, and so that's why there's so much healing that's involved when we move from a relationship and or even from even from the relationship with my business. There's you know, there's so much that you have to be honest about and just really being integrity to yourself and and owning. Um, one of the biggest realizations I think I came to one morning was, you know, it's okay that I miss him. It's okay that, you know, I'm grieving. And even if I'm not really grieving the person that I thought I was with, but the but it is that person that I thought I had I was with, because that's the person that I knew. And, you know, whether it was fake or not, and it was just like that's what I had was bonded with. Okay. So that really um just being honest with myself about my grieving process and my rage and you know, all the things that I was feeling. Yeah. And that's good because we really do, we have to embody all of what we're feeling, you know, in order to heal. Yeah. Right? I mean, yeah. And so whether it's anger or rage or grief or sadness or whatever, you know, just identifying all of those things so that we can process all of those things, you know, so that we can move forward. So, what encouragement would you like to give someone today, Kristen, that's navigating a major life pivot right now? I would just say that you're not lost and you're in the space between identities. And even if it's disorienting, your body will recalibrate back to its truth. And the body always knows how to do that. Um, I don't think we give the body enough credit for its ability to readjust and rebuild and um and then you don't just rebuild your life, you rebuild your standards, you rebuild your voice and your safety. And you build the capacity within yourself, build up enough capacity to be resourced to where you can receive real love, whether that's you know, through family and receiving help or you know, moving into something, another passion, or changing your your job or a relationship, or you know, but you you really I think there's so much to be said about the time between relationships. And this is one thing I was telling a friend recently that I haven't been single since I was 19. And these last six months have really taught me a lot, and it is about you know, rebuilding my standards, rebuilding my voice, rebuilding what feels good for me, and really, you know, putting myself first, the way I've always told my clients really. Yeah. That's really it. Yeah, and you know, I think that part is so hard for us as women to put ourselves first. And I often tell this story um because we are taught as women um to put everybody else first, and then you know, whatever time, whatever space we have left over is for us. Um, but I was at this um, it was a um sweethearts ball. We used to go to the sweethearts ball around uh Valentine's Day um at our church. And this woman and well, this couple had been married for over 50 years, I think it was like 52 years, and they won an award. They were the longest married couple. And um a little bit later after that, um, I saw her in the restroom. And it was myself and another young lady, you know, and I think I was probably about 10 years into my marriage at that point. Uh, we just recently celebrated 23 years. Woo-hoo! Uh, and um, but I asked her, I said, I saw her in the restroom, and I said, Can you tell me your secret? I mean, like, how do you stay married? You know, and she seemed really happy, you know, for 52 years. And the other lady was like, Yes, I want to know too. And she said, Well, this may sound selfish, but I'm gonna tell you. I have always taken care of myself first. She said, How can I take care of anybody else if I have not first taken care of myself? Absolutely, right? You cannot pour from an empty vessel. Man, that spoke volumes to me. And let me tell you, Kristen, and let me tell you, people out there who are listening, it has just changed how I approach things. And, you know, because I don't feel empty, I make sure I take care of me, you know, before I take care of my husband or anybody else, because I can't pour from an empty vessel. I have to pour into me first in order to be able to pour into anybody else. That thing spoke volume. So I'm glad that you've come to that realization too, Kristen. You know, that you have to take care of yourself first before you can pour into your children, your three beautiful children who are growing up so nicely. I can't believe the baby is four. It's not a baby anymore, you know. And they are all so beautiful. Oh gosh. This has been wonderful, Kristen. Um, is there anything else you'd like to promote during this episode that you're doing right now? Yeah, so I have a one-to-one mentorship that I'm offering that's for women who are rebuilding self-trust and reconnecting to the body and reclaiming their power after major life transitions. And I'm also getting ready to launch a group four-week program called the Nourished Woman. And it's all about refilling that cup. Okay. Yeah. All right, all right. And um, how can listeners connect with you? So you can find me at KristenLane.com, and Kristen is with a K and with an I. Um, and I'm also on Instagram at Kristen Lane Organic. Yep. Okay. And we're gonna have her information in the show notes, guys. Um, we as we always put our information in the show notes and our media director for anybody who's thinking of starting a podcast. He is absolutely awesome. And so Kristen's information will also be in the show notes. And so, Kristen, we thank you so much for joining us today. This has been a pleasure. Um, helping you are so welcome, helping women uh to uh rebuild their self-trust after a major life pivot. Guys, that is our show for today. Thank you so much for joining us. I am C Renee McLean. And remember, until next time, be encouraged, enlightened, and empowered. Yes, yes, yes. Have a great day, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to the purpose and the pivot. If today's episode encouraged or inspired you, be sure to follow the show and share it with another woman who's navigating her own transition. For coaching support or to connect with C. Renee McLean directly, visit McLean Career and Life Coaching or schedule a consultation using the link in the show notes. Remember, your purpose evolves and you have permission to pivot. Until next time.