Ep. 7- How to make friends!

Hey man! this week we are talking about friendship: what it is, what it means to us, and where and how to find it!  We dive into how we became friends and talk a little bit about some of the strangest ways some of our favorite friendships began.

We grapple with the differences between how society wants people to spend their time and how people actually want to spend their time (and how that affects all of our friendships.) Of course, we get into some silly friendship stories along the way.

Make sure to subscribe on youtube and follow us wherever you get your podcasts. We also have a book! If you like this podcast we know you’ll love it. There is also a WLY patreon if you would like to support us there!

Support us on Patreon!

p.s. let us know your favorite exotic fruits

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hey man. Hey man. Welcome to Hey Man. The We Love You podcast. Today we're talking about friendship. How to make friends, the friends we've made through our lives, and what a friend really is. And maybe how to make some friends.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Yeah. It can be really hard sometimes, but we give you some advice on how to make some friends. Some are goofy, some are real things that you can actually use.

SPEAKER_04 0:19

A lot of goofiness though, as usual. Mostly goofiness. Anyway, we hope you like the episode. Make sure to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, and uh check out our Patreon if you like.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

And check out our book. We Love You and Optimistic Guide to Life on a Rock Throwing Through Space.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

Anyway, we hope you like it and find some friendship along the way.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

We love you. And it's gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

We love you.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Hey man. Hey man. We love you.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Friendship. Friendship. Friendship. Friendship. I'm always trying to make a friend. Friend. Friendship. Friendship. Friend. Friend.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

I love my friends until the end. End and end. My favorite town in Oregon. It's called Bend. Bend Bend. Bend Bend. My favorite character from Barbie is Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken. If I have a letter, I'm going to send. Send. Send. Send. Send. Watch out, boy. Gonna catch these hens. Okay. Hello, hello, and welcome back to Heyman. The We Love You podcast. We're coming at you today, uh, March 23rd. From a sleepy Monday afternoon. Just had some lunch. Had some lunch. Got some Urbane Cafe. You guys know Urbane Cafe? It's the best. Delightful little spot. We had a lovely two weeks. Yeah, we did. We went to Austin. Where we presented at South by Southwest talking about this very podcast you're listening to right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Yeah. And then worked on big video last week, which you might be seeing pretty soon. Pretty soon, fingers crossed. We've been talking about it for a long time, but but it's getting closer and closer, and we're really excited. My long form video, which is about the self. It's about the concept of identity and personhood in a strange, crazy world that we all live in.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

And the non-existence of it. How it's really the self is nothing.

SPEAKER_04 2:18

Yeah, but that also kind of means it's everything. Exactly. And then Andy, what did you do this weekend?

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Yesterday I went to Catalina Island, which was just wonderful. It's an island off of Long Beach. I I took a nice little cruise. Not cruise. It's like a boat. To Catalina and hiked a little seven-mile hike. There were two different skink species that I identified. What is a skink, Andy? A skink is kind of a hybrid between a snake and a lizard. Their legs are really small, so when you see them, you think that would actually be a snizzard. Got them. Their legs are really small, so when you first see them, they look just like snakes. But when you really look up close, they're like strange little long elongated lizards. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

And they s they slither on the ground like snakes.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

And yeah, I also uh did a little snorkeling. Saw the most amazing fish in these kelp forests.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

What is the water warm or cold there?

SPEAKER_02 3:18

It's way warmer than here. Okay. Yeah. Were you wet suited up? Oh, for sure. I'm always wet suited up.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

You guys have been snorkeling so much lately. Just twice. That's way more than I've snorkeled lately. Infinitely more.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

It's just nice to be in the water. It's really refreshing.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

I gotta get out there. Yeah, get out there, man. I I mean this weekend was it was the beginning of spring, the official actual start of spring. Uh, and so I had uh an afternoon free to myself, so I just I did some spring cleaning. I dumped out all those like junk boxes I've just had in my place forever, uh, cleared them out, found a bunch of useful stuff that I now know that I have again. Like Clorox. Yeah. Oh shit. That's like yeah, some batteries, uh some tissues.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

You put them in the right bin and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:04

No, like I had some big D batteries that I didn't know I had. Big D.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

What are they called? They're called Double D. No. No, they're not. Um Double D is uh bra size? Yes, yeah. Uh triple A? Triple A is a baseball. Is it big D? No, triple A is definitely batteries.

SPEAKER_04 4:25

Also baseball.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Double D.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

Double no, it's double A.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

It's big D. It's not big D batteries. They're just D batteries. They're just D batteries. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Oh, you were just saying they were big D batteries. I was if you didn't remember what D batteries were, they're the big ones.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

I need something to charge my D. Not to be confused with nine volt batteries, which are also big, but they're different. Yeah. If you, you know, you could um are those the rectangular ones?

SPEAKER_04 4:49

You know, I'm not actually sure which one's which. I think the rectangles are nine volts.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

Those are nine volts. And you know, the best way to test them. Uh I'm not recommending this. I don't know if it's bad. It's a joke, but go on. It's a j it's not a joke. It's a lot. I do this every time I I need to test one. I lick them, I put them on my tongue and it connects the uh positive and negative. Positive and negative, and you get a little shock. And it kind of tastes good. I'm not saying it tastes good. Definitely don't eat a battery. No, but it is a fun way to learn about science. It's it's mostly a way to learn about science. But do not try it at home. Yeah, I don't think it's that bad. But I'm not gonna recommend you try it.

SPEAKER_04 5:24

What could a nine volt battery do to you?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

As long as you don't swallow it. Please don't swallow it. 9 volt battery could do some very bad things.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

Honestly, probably don't put it anywhere near your body.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Yeah, don't wait, don't listen to them.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

But if you need to, you could connect them all to a bunch of copper wires and negative. You'll get superpowers. You get electric powers.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Yeah, you get electric superpowers.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Uh but yeah, spring cleaning was very nice. It feels like kind of turning over a new leaf. And even though I'm entering my same bedroom, it feels like a new space because you discover new things about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

What's the most interesting thing you discovered about your past self?

SPEAKER_04 5:57

That's a good that's a good question. Yeah. Just that I I guess I keep every card that I get. Like every birthday. Or Valentine's Day card or just in my desk sometime. Graduation congratulations card.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

They're all just cards are really interesting because maybe this is to me. I never really look at them again. I I have them and I go, oh, there's cards there.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

And this is kind of grim, but I keep them going, oh, one day when these people are dead, I'll I'll read them and go, oh, go, I'm so glad I have this. No, but I'm thinking about I don't know if that's actually what comes in handy. I mean, I've had family members who have passed away and I have their cards, and I I I've never really gone back in. Wow. I know that seems cruel, but it's just like you don't immediately think of cards as the connection to them. I think about my memories and you know, fiction videos and stuff. In fiction videos? Pictures and videos.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Yeah, I make AI videos insert AI fiction videos about them. I make them come to life again. I use all I created algorithm. I give them I feature them a ton of photos of my relatives.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

And I put and I insert them into fast and furious movies.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

And I'm also in the fast and furious movie. So they can see us together. And in diesel.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Yeah, I'm in Diesel, and my my grandparents are the rock. Anyway, today we like we said, we're talking about friendship. Uh what it means to us, fun stories about how friendship can start.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

How we became friends with the good friends we have today, and some tips on how to make friends in the future.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

Yeah, especially making friends as an adult, which can be kind of hard. School is so easy to make friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

You know?

SPEAKER_04 7:30

So, yeah, let's actually start with that. Andy, how did we become friends? How did we become friends?

SPEAKER_02 7:35

That's a good question. Like all friendships, it kind of happened over time and progressively hanging out. Yeah. There was one specific moment that I think we've talked about on the podcast before. Yes. When we were walking around the play structure on what we call the tan bark, but it's wood chips.

SPEAKER_04 7:49

It's yeah, it's wood chips around like a classic play structure.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Yeah. And we were walking around the outline of this, the play structure, and pretending it was like a balance beam, right? Yeah, you walk along the little wooden container for the tan bark. And I saw a bright yellow golden sheets of hair in the distance.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

Ringlet curls cascading.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Striking through the fog. There's fog on the play structure for the fruit. There's fog on the play structure for some reason.

SPEAKER_04 8:14

We were already hanging out as friends, but I think it was the moment that like really like welled up.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Solidified our friendship.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

I think we were playing a game of some kind where we were pretending to be some kind of wizards or something. But or like mafia guys. We were really into the mafia. Oh, we were really into talking like uh hey, I'm making enough for you cameras. That was my favorite movie back then. It was big. Which led to I said, one day I want to be in a film festival. And wow, Thomas cried.

SPEAKER_04 8:43

You know, I didn't I just like it connected with me because I also wanted to make movies, and Andy was the first person I'd ever met that was like, Oh yeah, I I want to grow up and make movies and videos and art and stuff. Yeah. And so it was like, oh, cool.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Yeah, let's do that together. And I think we knew from that point, like that it would be online-based. It was the media we were consuming was all on the internet. It was even though we loved movies, we were mostly watching videos about movies and how to make movies. Exactly. And these day in the life like vlogs like Casey Neinstadt. Yeah. And uh who else? Even like just silly videos like Smosh. Yes. Which is how we got our start. You know, we were making a bunch of silly, stupid videos. Parody videos, and we made a Pokemon Go vlog. We made a Pokemon Go vlog. We made um a parody of the movie Whiplash called Whip Last.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

It was about the guy who learned the dance move of the Whip Log Last of everyone. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

And people didn't like it. And then I was playing the drums, and I said, Shut up, Travis. No one's been whipping for like five months.

SPEAKER_04 9:44

But I will say, even in that video, I was like, oh, that was a fun filmmaking choice that we would still make today. Like random cuts or little jokes.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 9:52

It's exactly our taste. And we were building it back then.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

It's still pretty funny. Honestly. Um it was pretty good. And then yeah, you had ketchup all over yourself. Yeah, and it's not the first time.

SPEAKER_04 10:03

Yeah, we we really thought that ketchup looked like blood. Yeah, we catch up.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

We were really into thrillers and action movies. And you know, as as young boys are, it felt edgy. It was a new thing that we could like rebel against our parents a little bit and go, you know, I like it's kind of dark. Using swear words. Swear words. Yeah. My phone background for you still is uh uh a movie we were shooting together as in seventh grade called Rockwood, which which we wrote the whole script of. Yes, and it was gonna be a feature film, it was gonna be a feature film. The whole plot is the same plot as the movie seven, the exact same movie as the movie seven, except which I hadn't seen it. No, I'd never seen it, but we just butt him up with I think we knew sort of the plot behind the movie seven.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

What I think is actually our friend who we were writing it with had seen the movie seven and just gave us that idea. Yeah. If you don't know the plot of the movie seven, uh, it's like there's a serial killer basing each of the murders off of the seven deadly sins. And because I was in seventh grade, I'd never tried to make movies with anyone else besides like my mom filming me making movies. Yeah, yeah. And Andy was pitching the opening scene.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

He's like, I have this idea for like a the way a movie could start. It's an overhead shot of uh cracking an egg into a pan. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

And the egg sizzles and then suddenly some my head someone's head gets smashed into the pan. Yeah. Uh, and it begins a fight sequence slash murder sequence.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

And I remember when you pitched that to me, I was like, wow, he's on another level. I really did think like wow, I've never even thought of something like that. Because you, I think had watched more adult movies, adult movies. Maybe. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

I was watching a lot of those back then.

SPEAKER_04 11:49

That's also probably true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Um, but what the hell?

SPEAKER_04 11:52

I you know, um, no, but I think you'd watched like more of Tarantino movies, more Godfather and stuff. Yeah, maybe so. So you just had more of that information. Yeah. But I was like, wow, he's so creepy.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

That's amazing. But we ended up shooting just the first scene. We didn't want to actually cook an egg or have the pan hot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

We put an egg in it and then half cooked.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Half cooked.

SPEAKER_04 12:15

To make it look like we were getting egg on Andy's face when we smashed his head into the pan.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

Because, yeah, when you actually just smash egg on a face, it doesn't really do anything. Yeah. Uh we put sunscreen on the pan.

SPEAKER_04 12:26

A bunch of banana boat sunscreen out of the big blue or green bottle, yellow bottle.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

And that I that we smashed my face into a bunch of sunscreen. Yeah. And in that shoot, which is still my my profile picture for you today. Which we'll put up right here. We'll put up right here. Ding. I am the one being killed for gluttony. My sin of gluttony. Thomas was behind the camera at the time. Yeah. And I fills your mouth with fake blood. With fake blood.

SPEAKER_04 12:50

Put let's put saran wrap over the camera.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

And I was just gonna spit the blood at the camera because I thought it was really interesting. And I ended up missing the camera entirely.

SPEAKER_04 13:00

And just spitting all a full mouthful of warm fake blood right onto my face and eyes and glasses. And that's still the background.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

And the shot isn't usable, wasn't usable in the slides.

SPEAKER_04 13:09

Not at all.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Because you were laughing the whole time, too.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

But I think that like the thing that really has unified us forever, has built our friendship, is the shared interest. Yes, exactly. Which there's different ways that people become friends. But ours was certainly like the shared mission, the shared interest of filmmaking, of creativity, of art. But that isn't the only way people can become friends.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

No, people can become friends in a variety of ways, especially these days, you know?

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Yeah, people there's people I know who are like best friends with random people that they met on hinge and then didn't like decide to date, yeah, but they're like, no, let's hang out though. Totally. Um I I know people who've become friends with people they worked with. I know people who become friends with people who they met dancing out at a club.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Totally. I know uh people who have become friends with people by um I don't know, I think.

SPEAKER_04 13:55

Working on a fishing boat in Alaska. You know people like that? I could imagine people like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

I know some Norwegian uh fishermen.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

And I'm sure they make friends out there. They've got to. But it's a pretty hard lifestyle. I've heard that. You get paid quite a fat beck. That's how they say it in Norway. They get paid quite a fat beck.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

I'm a loser, baby. Who I bumped into in Korea. And he ran into the uh fame singer-songwriter Beck in a spa in Korea.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

My dad and I were going into the Korean spa, and we didn't realize that you had to take your shoes off. And then he was like, Hey, hey, you. Yeah, Beck yelled at you.

SPEAKER_04 14:44

He goes, You're a loser, baby.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

I'm gonna kill you. And he's like, You gotta take your shoes off at the door. It's actually very disrespectful to wear shoes in a non-shoe place. You know, but that's And then he walked away, and then my dad and I looked at each other and went, Was that Beck? But you know what? He's right. And he was wearing a flat brim hat. Really? Yeah. Strange. That's like his moniker.

SPEAKER_04 15:10

Yeah, he's like wearing his costume. Yeah. But here's the thing is if the circumstances were right, that could have been an opportunity to make friends.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

I how would I have spun that to make friends with Beck in that moment?

SPEAKER_04 15:21

You go, you know what? You're so right. Thank you for telling us. Um, do you know any songs about being a loser?

SPEAKER_02 15:30

And he goes, actually, I I've written one about it. That's crazy. I I I think about that all the time.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

And he goes, but you guys probably wouldn't want to hear that though. It probably sucks. And my dad and I go, Oh yes, please we do. And he goes, really? Gets out a little acoustic guitar he was hiding behind his his towel.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

And I go, Beck, it's very disrespectful. The man don't said like that. And then we all hug.

SPEAKER_04 15:53

Yes. If you don't know Beck, he has a song called Loser. Look it up. Yeah. What is friendship? It's a really good question. I was thinking about this, and to me, friendship in like the simplest sense is just community. Community and connection between people that's pleasant.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:11

And really, I think friendship is that like the most basic kind of human connection.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

For a person to be your friend, it sounds like it has to be a big thing. You have to hang out a specific time, you know, uh know each other for however long, hang out a lot. That's not true. No. Hot take. Yeah. You're friends with the person that takes you out of the grocery store.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Yeah, a random person who you're on a train with and you make a couple of jokes and kind of laugh and have a good time. Yeah. That person is your friend. Exactly. In every meaningful sense, they are.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:38

Some people would say that the most basic kind of human connection is like parent-child or romantic connections and stuff. Sure. But I think the way that makes the most sense for me at least, and you might disagree with this, humans are meant to be connected to one another. And the vast majority of all human connections aren't necessarily familial, because we have this wide web of people around us that are going to be community members and friends and like just everyone. Yeah. Like, yes, you have a connection that is like someone is your mom, but in a weird way, you're all also your mom is also your friend. In a perfect world, you'd have like jokes you have with your mom. And you'd have stories with your mom, and you can be like, and shows that you watch together. And you have the same thing with uh your brother. You have a bunch of jokes that you share with your brother or something you guys do together. What I'm saying is that the common through line through all human connection, and that's what friendship is to me. It's just some someone meaning something to you. Uh in a in a positive way, at least.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

What then becomes, oh, can we hang out after this, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like it yeah, like it's it's easy to say that everyone is your friend, right? Yeah. Which we we say a lot in our videos. We do. And it it is true. You know, I I think if you give anybody, anybody the time in the space, you can become their friend and find something to bond over, right? Yeah, totally. When can I say, hey man, wanna play PSP later?

SPEAKER_04 17:56

Yeah, can I actually have some of your time? Yeah. Not just say that we're connected. Say, like, no, I want to like make something of this. I want to like enjoy this time together. Exactly. Which is a weird line, because especially in adulthood, there's so many people that you interact with in a week-to-week or day-to-day basis that you would never really think to go, anyway, let's transition this into like maybe like coming over and playing board games. Right. Right. Or that's someone at the gym or someone you work with. Like it there feels like there's so many barriers to that. And it can be hard as a kid too, like having friends at school that then you don't really hang out with. Uh, there's so many, so many stories through much life of that exact connection.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Which is recess, which is class time, too. Yeah, when you don't have to be working for to get your dollar, right? Yeah. That's the weird we need recess.

SPEAKER_04 18:47

We need more recess, which we said.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

We've said this before.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

I guess everyone's listening to be like, these guys really miss recess. But we need like citywide recess. There was a study in some Scandinavian country about when people are the most happy in the country, which they measured by like how many antidepressants were prescribed, which is a weird way to measure it, but it's the country has like sees like like exponential increase in happiness when more people have time off at the same time. Of course. Which makes perfect sense. Like when your neighbors have work off, you might have a chance to make a friend with your neighbor and have a barbecue.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

And spend a time that's not just in your own houses next to each other and just bond on a different level.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

Zoran, if you want any more about this recess idea, hit us up, please. Let us know.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

We'll be your re-recess czars. But yeah, there's this incongruity between this belief and this knowledge that everyone is in this together and there's all these people here that could be happy together, and the actual uh process of becoming close and knowing those people and interacting with those people in a friendly way that facilitates real friendship. And at least for me, and I think you too, it there's this feeling of oh, I I know that I love these people, and even if they're strangers, whoever they are, but I don't necessarily know how to like break that barrier. Yeah, connect connect in a real way.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

And I think the perfect distilled version of that is is we talk about this all the time, specifically in the climbing gym.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

No, totally no, seeing these people every other day, you know, coincidentally, you're going to the climbing gym at the same time, right? Yeah. And it's this little microcosm of how do I break this friendship barrier to not just being, you know, talking about the climbs we're doing.

SPEAKER_04 20:31

Occasionally, maybe one person will say, Oh, so what'd you get up to this weekend? And then, oh, uh, so are you in a relationship? Or exactly siblings randomly? Like, yeah, someone will mention something about siblings, then it'll go back the other way. Oh, do you? And slowly you get to know these people, but it goes for so many different kinds of connections too. Like like work people, like like co-workers are the same way. It's for a long time, and for the it could be for a long time, you don't even talk about anything besides work. Hey, did you get that email? Yes, I got that email. Right. Or, hey, would you hand me that? Yes, I will hand you that. Uh and sometimes it happens like quickly. All of a sudden you just discover, oh yeah, this is a person that I can connect with in a in a fun, mean like a fun, good way.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Not just a working tool, like it's it's an actual person.

SPEAKER_04 21:13

And there's all of a sudden this humanizing process that happens where all of a sudden you are like laughing so hard with someone two weeks ago you would have never imagined having any kind of fun, fun relationship with.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

The problem here is breaking that barrier. Yeah. So stay tuned. In the end, we have a couple ways to break those barriers.

SPEAKER_04 21:31

We have some really, really good ways to break those barriers. But you have to stay to the end.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

You have to stay to the end. But still, making friends as an adult is hard.

SPEAKER_04 21:39

And there's been like some chatter online and just in different like writing lately. I think there was a New Yorker piece about it that was talking about there's like a plague of catch up friendships. Right. Where all you're doing is just making a date every two or three weeks or even longer, and going, Oh, how have you been? How have you been it's been so long.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

I what have you been up to? What have you doing been doing? Yeah, what's new? There's there is a beauty to that. Like you just you discover so much about the other person.

SPEAKER_04 22:04

And there are those friendships that are really meaningful because you don't need to see each other that often uh and you still feel that closeness.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Right. Right. But sometimes th this barrier forms you have to catch up because it's the thing to do.

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Yeah, I mean you have sometimes two months, three months, a year of time to go, here's what's happened in my life.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah. And all of a sudden, but the thing is you think you need to do that in order to become friends again. Yeah. But that's not really the case.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

Yeah, I think it's kind of goes back to like the question of who we actually are and what what our actual content of our identity is. Yeah. Is it just the stuff that's happened to us? And in order to know someone, we need to share that with us. We share that with them. Or is it some core quality that is just there? And so when you're with the person, you're just there and you're having fun.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

But I guess if you're not catching up, and maybe they're not like just into doing bits the whole time, you know? Yeah. Or or are going into their deepest, darkest secrets and philosophies on life. Yeah. Catching up isn't a bad thing.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Catching up isn't a bad thing. And I think like you feel it with friendships, especially that are like maybe not particularly like old friendships or deep friendships, but they're friendships that you want to maintain. Yeah. Uh, and so you just you see them, you know, every few weeks or every couple months, and it's just all you can do is go, what's new with you? What's new with you? And then maybe by the end of the hangout, that's when you're getting to the real friendship you remembered. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

And then that's when it ends. You know?

SPEAKER_04 23:27

Well, it's it's it's 8 45 p.m. I guess it's we've hung out too long. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes they go too long. It's like, we shouldn't hang out for like eight hours today, but I guess we could. Yeah. Um, and I guess that's kind of the alternative too, is you have friends that are just around more often.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

We've always talked about like as these friendships were disappearing and you try and hold on to them, you know, in life after college, you want this commune, basically. Yes, is what it is.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

The dream is you have a plot of land with a bunch of friends and a few tiny houses on it, and you all like live in a little circle with a fire pit in the middle, and you get to hang out and do whatever you need to do with your friends all day. Which sounds amazing. Which does.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

The r the real root of that is people have their own paths.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

Everyone has a life that they need to be living, yeah, and different life missions they have, and just demands of their life that they need to attend to. So especially like that's why it's hard as an adult. We have to create our life, and that's when our life is happening.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

There has to be a better way.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

And maybe, maybe a commune for some is the answer. Maybe it's just, hey guys, let's all decide to move to the same neighborhood. Same neighborhood.

SPEAKER_04 24:35

Because truly, like the most meaningful change you can make in your life is what is within a 10-minute walk from where you live. Like that's something that will shape your entire life sometimes. Totally. It's like what friends are you nearby? What are you nearby a park where you can go and sit? Like that will make such a difference in your day-to-day.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

I think the biggest difference is you have to really reach out when you're older. Yeah, you have to really put the effort in to make these connections and do specific activities. Let's hang out, let's not just catch up and go to a cafe or coffee.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Let's m let's get a bunch of clay and make a bunch of little figurines. Yeah. That actually sounds awesome. We should do that. Yeah. Yeah. Which another alternative is having friendships that are just more deeply woven into your life, which can be kind of inconvenient. It's having friends that can do the drop-in and friends you can drop in on, where you don't even say, Hey, I'm coming over. You just knock on the door and go, Hey, gonna come in for a sec.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

You want the new girl style friendship, you know?

SPEAKER_04 25:25

Or the Seinfeld style friendship where it's like someone just walk barges in and goes, I've had a tough day. And you go, What's wrong with your day? George, George, you're crazy.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Then Kramer walks in and he brightens the whole move.

SPEAKER_04 25:38

And everyone laughs. Oh, we love Kramer.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

He's doing something weird.

SPEAKER_04 25:41

And it is kind of more familial and more dependable and woven into your life rather than just being spots of time that you have set aside. But it yeah, the weird part of being out.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

The time you don't have to have this structure is your early 20s where you're trying to figure everything out. Everyone has a weird job. Everyone has a weird job. Everyone's dog sitting, everyone's nannying. You know, it's important to build the foundation when you're young, right?

SPEAKER_04 26:06

But then again, maybe that is just maybe it is just growing up as an adult. And maybe that is just the state this stage of life. Which I don't even like that being the like this this prescribed step by step, like your twenties, you're kind of weird and alone and and everything's strange. And then you go to the suburbs and you meet ten nice people with dogs. Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

But you can just step in there as you're alone in your twenties, you feel alone for like a while, right? And then you find love somewhere. That's the story that's told about of course it happens because it's the system that we're working with, right?

SPEAKER_04 26:40

Because people I think are isolated, when they find a meaningful romantic connection, they can build their life around it.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Right. And they give everything to it, right? They give all their time to it. And they give all the pressure of like human connection onto that same relationship. Exactly, which is so valuable, but also that all that pressure you give it charges that relationship.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

Like a romantic relationship is hard to if it's also trying to fulfill a whole world of friends onto that one person. It's so tough. Yeah. And so the truth is there's no real one right answer to how to think of friendship as an adult. Like there is gonna be a different way for each person, and you're hopefully gonna find something that works for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

But I don't think the case is that when you transition into adulthood, that all these friendships just disappear and you, you know, you need to lock in on work and love life, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:28

Because that's not how it should be. I think people should have vibrant social lives and friend groups and friendships through their entire life. That don't trap you in such a bubble of your existence, right? That's the beautiful thing about friendship is that it's even though you can have committed friendships that lasted lifetimes, it's non-committal in nature. And it in that way it becomes kind of more more unconditional because it's just this exists, I'm your friend, and I know you and I care about you. Right. And that doesn't mean I need we need to live together, and that doesn't mean that we need to necessarily uh start a podcast. Right. But like um, whatever it is, but it's still a support system and someone that cares about you that you can go to for emotional support or whatever support you need, or just whatever joy you want to find. Right. I love you, man. Love you too, man. But the thing is, we have a very committal friendship.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Yeah, no, it's it's perhaps the most committal friendship of all time, question mark. It just might be. Yeah. But we're saying that it it doesn't mean that you we should be alone.

SPEAKER_04 28:25

Yes. There is this constant struggle between the demands of the system we live under and the desires and whims of the human spirit.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Right. The idea behind the system is that it will give you this freedom.

SPEAKER_04 28:38

It promises freedom, it promises power. Which maybe once I reach that point that's in the future. That's when I can finally follow up on my desires of the human spirit, which to connect and to be something beyond just a commodity, and to be something that feels, even if it's just for a moment, eternal and meaningful and joyous.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

Which is retirement? That's the promise of the system. That's the that's the promise, right?

SPEAKER_04 29:00

There's nothing wrong with working for a lifetime and then retiring. Of course. That's not what we're saying. But there is something weird about the story that we're told of you just need to lock in and work. Put your head down for 20 years. Move away from your family, move away from your friends, find a high-yield real estate property and rent out half of it and make a profit, and one day you'll eventually be able to go to Greece for a summer. That can't be our prescribed path to joy and freedom because But go to Greece for a summer. It's great there. It's delightful. It's wonderful. They're chilling out there. There's so it's the cheese there.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

The cheese, the cheese is so cheese. Cheese is so good. The olives. Have you had a Cretan olive?

SPEAKER_04 29:39

You know what? I'm almost gonna cry as I say this. I've never had a Cretan olive.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

You know, they're like chocolate. There's a richness that's not fine. I might actually cry, right? Found in a regular olive.

SPEAKER_04 29:52

And it's a weird thing. Like friendship, because it is so non-committal and is just kind of this ephemeral, it's just the joy of being connected to people. Yeah, is almost the most defiant of the system in a strange way. Because it's just kind of how do you how do you put it in a box?

SPEAKER_02 30:10

It's important for your mental health. And if you want to think about it, it maybe is good for your productivity.

SPEAKER_04 30:14

Yeah, and if and it might be good for your career long term, yeah. Having building a powerful network. If that's how you need to recommend it. Sure, sure. It's networking.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

It's networking.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

It's net yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's networking. Okay, anyway, now we're gonna get into some fun childhood stories of weird ways we've made friends through the years. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll start, I think, with with one of our sh one of our shared childhood best friends, dearest Finn.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Finnegan, please. Finnegan. If you're listening to this, we miss you.

SPEAKER_04 30:46

Yes. And we'd love to hang out with you. We're gonna call, it's chat. We're gonna be back home soon. We'd love to hang out. Let's eat at the goose. Yes. The goose is a restaurant. No, that's just a code word. That's a code word. I met Finn in second grade. He'd moved up, um, he'd moved from somewhere, joined the school district. We were waiting in line for the bus, and I'd never met him before. Yeah. And he was yelling up the line to my best friend, Cooper. And I was like, How do you know Cooper? I'd never seen this kid before. Finn had a smiley face drawn on his pinky on this day. And he goes, Check this out. And he wiggled his pinky at me to the rhythm of his the song he was about to sing and said, One, two, three wordworm. That's good. Oh, I know. That's good. And I go, what? He goes, We were learning, we were learning about reading to we were reading today, and the teacher called this my wordworm, and I made this song. And I go, sing it again. And he goes, one, two, three wordworm. This is such a funny thing to share with the world. Yeah. Because it's such a meaningful part of my childhood. Of course. And truly, right then, like Finn became like my best friend. Because I you would you weren't even up there yet.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

Then you bonded through World of Warcraft.

SPEAKER_04 31:59

We bonded through World of Warcraft and through uh pretending to be wizards and superheroes. We would always be able to say one, two, three word worm. And it was like, yes, we are on the same page. We are best friends. It was like it's shows this when you were a kid, the simplest, smallest little joke will just like switch, flip a switch in your brain, and it was like, yeah, this person is my friend. I would fight, I would fight and die for them. Of course, of course. I would live for them.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

And I would live for them. That's good. I'm trying to think of how I made friends with Finn. I think it was through longboarding. Yeah, we all uh all longboarded for a little period of time because uh usually our brothers did. Yes, all of our brothers did. My my brother uh was really good at bombing hills.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

Because all of our older brothers were in the same grade too. Yes, yeah, yeah. And they longboarded. Crazy coincidence, yeah. Yeah, and then we all longboarded. That was the one of one of the first times we ever hung out outside of school. Longboarding, yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Yeah, yeah. One of our most bonding moments is I uh we were longboarding in my longboard that I just got I was bombing this hill and I couldn't slow down. And I was luckily wearing knee pads, so I jumped off the board. Yes, I first tried running off the board, but then I fell onto my knees and slid for like on the pavement on the pavement for a while, and then my lawnboard shot off in front of me, and then I tried running after my longboard as fast as I could.

SPEAKER_04 33:15

And it went right down a sewer grate.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

But I was staring at it, and I was I was I cried a little bit because I was like, I lost this thing that was so important to me. And uh Finn was there and we were like, oh man, I I think we could I think we could do something about it. Fish it out. We could fish it out, maybe. We came up with this idea to attach one of those like hanging uh hooks to a long rope. Eventually we did it. We got it around the truck and it pulled it straight out. It worked. Yeah, it worked. Next up is our friend Max. Max Wong. Max Wong is his name. You make friends in the simplest of ways as a kid. This was just one of those moments we had the same lunchbox.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

What was the lunchbox?

SPEAKER_02 33:54

I don't know. It was just like a same lunchbox. It was a like blue, off blue lunchbox, yeah, and then he was like, no way. Like our moms didn't get the same lunchbox at Costco. Like obviously that's it's just what happens. But our minds were boggled.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

I guess that I guess that means I guess that means we were lifetime friends, or at least we have to eat lunch together, yeah. Which makes us friends.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

But yeah, Max kind of was just one of those people, and is still one of those people that um was very quick to making friends. Yes, was like would randomly just go, hey, we're gonna be friends, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

He had like one-liners, he was really good at one-liners, he'd jumped. He just has every every single person he would walk to up to and say, Hey man, uh, how was your day? Do you remember that? Yes, how was your day? And it's like, that's awesome. Anybody that's that's a great way of making friends.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

And it worked in third, fifth, sixth grade. It was two days to 19th grades.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

I guarantee he still says that says that today.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

And it it still works.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

Also, it would work for anyone.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

It would work for anyone.

SPEAKER_04 34:53

So how's your day been? Yeah, it's small talk, but it's talk.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Yeah. I hope he's gotten better at making presentations, though.

SPEAKER_04 35:00

Yeah, because we were doing a lot of the heavy life.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

We were doing a lot of the heavy lifting just uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

You know, in college, our actually, should I say this? Alex, you can actually decide if I say this. The guy who edits our podcast is my dear friend Alex, who I met in my hallway in college. He was in like a neighboring dorm. And the first time I met him was just a random, I was like walking down the hallway. Like the first week of college is when you're trying to like make your best friends for your life. And his roommate had didn't show up for the first like two weeks of college, and he was in a double room, so he pushed together his bet two beds into one bed, and uh, it was like the third or fourth day. And I go and I go, Hey, I lived in the hall. Whoa, whoa, what do you got going in here? And Alex was like sitting upright, like a huge bed, because he'd pushed together the two beds, like sitting under the covers in his room with his back against the wall, like uh like living in luxury. Like the grandparents in Charlie Chocolate, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah, and he goes, Behold, Mega Bed. And yeah, I was just like, I like that guy. That guy's cool.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

And now he's editing this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

Now he's listening to this podcast right now, deciding which parts of that story to keep in. And the thing is we didn't become super close friends right away. We just kind of like were down the hall from each other for that whole year, and then didn't become friends randomly until we he had an open room in an apartment when we were coming back from COVID, and he's just like, Yeah, it's open. And I moved in with him. Like, even into into adulthood, random little things will happen where they're just like you forge random friendships.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Exactly, exactly. One of my favorite friendships to this day was with my boy Trevor. We love Trevor. We love Trevor. He's a monk. Yeah, that's true. He made friendships in the best way. I I he was really good at like conjuring specific friendships that would fit his vibe. Yes. Because it he would reach out in like very specific ways. And if you're listening to this, Trevor, you the best. Yes. Um, I went to boarding school for the last few years of high school. So we were staying the uh down the hall from each other. One night we were in the the common area and he says, In my fridge, I have a can of cheese. And I went, What? Is it like cheese whiz? And he goes, No, it's a can of cheese. And I go, That's crazy. And he says, Do would you like to share it with me? And I went, Yeah, why not? And he said, Would you like to sip some chamomile tea while we share this can of cheese? And I said, Of course. Of course. And I kid you not, this can of cheese, I don't eat cheese anymore, but I I have it in my memory as it is the best cheese I've had in my entire life, and it's a can of cheese. What kind of cheese is it? It's called Cougar Gold Cheese. And I don't know if we're like doing a promo for them on accident, but it's called Cougar Gold Cheese. It's this giant can of cheese that probably is like designed in the war times or something. Why would you have a can of cheese? That is made in Washington. Uh Alex, put up a photo. I don't know. Put up a photo of Washington. Um, yeah, we would put it on these crackers and just talk late into the night, very late in the night, about existential truths and uh just music and everything, and just having a good time goofing around.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

That's beautiful. You know, uh Trevor went to the same school as me for college for a little while.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Which was a funny coincidence.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Um and one of the first nights we were hanging out, we went to uh like a like a mu like a singer-songwriter performance for the music school there. Yeah. He leans into me and he goes, Would you like a hard-boiled egg?

SPEAKER_02 38:35

He had a hard-boiled egg in his pocket. Yeah, he was telling me that was the way he was trying to make friends. Yes. Uh he grabbed a bunch of hard-boiled eggs from the dining hall and was handing them out.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

Yeah. Uh, but I said no. I should have said yes. You should have said yes. But I didn't know. You love a hard-boiled egg. I really do. Then he goes, cheese stick? And he also had cheese sticks. Did you accept a cheese? I accepted a cheese stick. Yeah. I like that it was a sealed product. Yeah. I didn't know them at the end of the day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

But I told you to you shouldn't be friends with Trevor. Yes. That's one of the best ways I've heard to make friends ever. Like to find the right people for you. Be you. And yeah, maybe you're you're a guy who hands out hard-boiled eggs. One side note. The can of cheese is about the size of your head. It's like a huge can of cheese. It took us like five months to finish this can of cheese.

SPEAKER_04 39:26

Were we eating it? Five months?

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Yeah, it was like the whole year. It was like the whole school year. I'm not kidding. That's a good thing. And then we ordered another.

SPEAKER_04 39:33

That's great.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:34

We gotta have that cheese. That's good. Trevor kind of reminds me a little bit of my my friend Eric. Right. Eric is so good at making friends out of thin air in public. Yeah. No matter where he could be at the DMV, and he'd like lean over to a group of people who just like had going through their boring day, kind of like in a bad mood, and he'll go, Man, the DMV. Am I right? And pretty soon he'll have the whole place dancing. Right. Uh and I met Eric actually on the soccer field. One of our friends just pitched the idea of starting of like all joining a rec soccer league together and having a team that's just made up of our friends. And like it started out as friends, but then it was just like random people. Like it was one of my favorite things I've done post-college to make friends is just like joining. Joining a random soccer team. Yeah. And it was like a very good way to make friends myself. There's just ran I don't know what it is about certain people where they're so comfortable and so good at bringing people together, bringing strangers together into like a fun friendship vibe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I yeah, I wonder where that comes from. Like we encountered a guy this last weekend who had that same energy.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

Like a willingness to like put yourself out there and to not be embarrassed by just talking to people and to be okay with being kind of kind of a little weird. Yeah, a little bit out on a limb.

SPEAKER_02 40:47

Definitely out on a limb. You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

And like we say always, there is a a price you pay for joy, and it's discomfort sometimes. Definitely. And it's putting yourself past your comfort zone into the place you want to be.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

It's one of my worst I hate that feeling of putting myself out there and going like really hard into like a joke or something. Yeah. Leaning really hard, and then you do it a second and third time. Yeah. And what if it's not working? And if it's not working, it's a worst feeling. Yeah. It's the worst feeling.

SPEAKER_04 41:19

It's this weird art of both being okay with that feeling and also knowing the exact way to finesse a way out of that, even if it flops.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Mostly just being okay with failure. You know. Our next friend is our good friend Estefan. Estefan is a great friend. Stephon is a great friend. I went to school with Estefan. I went to the climbing gym with a Stephon. That's true. Yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 41:43

You did?

SPEAKER_02 41:44

I did. I was in Catalina Island.

SPEAKER_04 41:46

Made me sad. I was at the climbing gym yesterday. I was like, You guys went without me? Estefan and I had a class together in freshman year. And we both called goofball class. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Yeah, it was a class of uh silly guys.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

Class for silly guy goofballs.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

And he also skateboarded to class. And we both had skateboards. We always set our skateboards up against.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

Thomas had a lanyatz.

SPEAKER_04 42:06

I I did have a little lanyats uh longboard that I was it called uh dinghy. Dingy. I always wanted to get to class. And we'd lean up against the wall. We kind of knew we knew we were from the bay. And I was like, in that class, I was like, I feel like this guy's gonna be my friend. Yeah. We're gonna be really good friends, and I just feel this. But you know, the semester went on. We talked a few times, we talked after class just like once or twice, but we never became friends. We like really we didn't talk that much after school. Two or three years later, there's auditions for the improv troupe I was a part of. If you don't know, I was a part of an improv comedy group uh on my college campus.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

So you we know.

SPEAKER_04 42:41

Yeah, yeah. And if you don't know improv, it's all about yes ending, it's all about comedy and joy. Uh you know, and so and who walks in the door for this audition session besides a Stefan.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

A Stefan walks in the door on Grinucci. And I had this little inkling of like Follow him on social media. Yeah, he's an actor, he's very talented. Oh, please uh make him act. Make him act. Cast him in something. Cast him in something, please. He's so talented in his own. He's the next Timothy Shallow Man.

SPEAKER_04 43:07

He is. Yeah. He is, or Oscar Isaac, you know.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Or Oscar Isaac.

unknown 43:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:11

And in that inkling of, oh, maybe that's why I had that feeling we're gonna be friends, because this is when we're gonna be friends. Yeah. But I hadn't seen him done do any comedy yet. Maybe he's not gonna be perfect for the troop, but he was he was perfect. Yeah. And I it was like, yes. And the second he was on the troop, we just we connected, and that's how a friendship was born. And it's I guess what I wanted to talk about with the Stefan was that that feeling of like You just know. You just when you even if you don't know someone super well, you just know, oh, we could be friends.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

And maybe we won't, or maybe we're not meant to if you don't believe in that sort of thing, but we could be friends. And definitely sometimes if you just pull on those threads, you find friendships.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

It's the best, yeah. And I think uh also Stefan just gets along with everybody. Great guy.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

You know, it's funny that we mentioned friends because walking right into this room right now is Anzi's roommate, a friend or a friend who's a friend, if you think about it.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Say hi, Carissa.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Um Carissa, how did we become friends in the first place?

SPEAKER_00 44:07

I have known you for too long. We went to high school together. Too long?

SPEAKER_04 44:11

Yes. How what's your earliest memory of Andy?

SPEAKER_00 44:15

That's tough. I feel like it would be either you playing like Wii Sports with Sting. Or maybe listening to the Chili Peppers. Or talking a lot about Radiohead.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

That actually tracks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:34

What about your earliest memory of me, Carissa?

SPEAKER_00 44:36

My earliest memory of Thomas. Probably it's just like this random man being in my apartment being like, Good morning. I'd be like, oh my God, it's Thomas. For every day. For every day. The rest of my life.

SPEAKER_04 44:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Basically.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

Anyway, Carissa, thanks for being our friend. Thanks for being our friend. Carissa is so cool. She's an incredibly talented musician. You can find her on Instagram at Carissa Bone on Instagram. Go check out our music. It's kind of how would you describe your music?

unknown 45:03

Sad.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

Sad.

SPEAKER_04 45:05

Good.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

But hopefully. I don't know.

unknown 45:07

Thanks, Thomas.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Anyway. But lastly, our good friend Charlie.

SPEAKER_04 45:11

We were in a band together. We've said this before, but Charlie's around the band.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

Yeah, we were in a band together called Balloons for Hands.

SPEAKER_04 45:15

In high school. And we go climbing together all the time. He introduced us to rock. He's along boarded, he longboarded.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

He's always been into really strange hobbies.

SPEAKER_04 45:23

And we we're trying to think about when we became friends with Charlie, but neither of us can really remember how we became friends with him. Yeah. So there's no fun story with how we met him. But I'm I do just want to talk about because Charlie is like, he's our our trio member. If there's three of us, because we've known him since we were kids, it's like me, Andy, and Charlie is like one of like the most we've been hanging out for ages. Longest lasting friendship groups I've had. Even though me and you hang out all the time, like there is a a part of you that I only get to access when we're hanging out with Charlie. Definitely. Like there's a whole side of my best friend that I only get when I'm with my other best friend. Totally. And I think the same is probably true for me. Of course. And that's just kind of one of those cool things about friendship dynamics and group dynamics. Yeah. Is that it's not just this, oh, you know a person, so you know their completeness.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

You bring things out of each other that you don't really realize are there.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

Yeah. And sometimes there's a group of four that works so well, but then a group of three won't work very well.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yeah. I'm trying truly trying to figure it out how we bonded. He was really into like card tricks and like picking locks and switchblades. Yes. And I thought those were cool, I guess. They were cool. Yeah, they were cool. And he was really he gets got really into like specific hobbies, and I was kind of interested in some of them.

SPEAKER_04 46:38

Why do I have a memory of Charlie being really good with a butterfly knife?

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Yeah, he had a bunch of butterfly knives. Yeah. Anyway, if you're listening to this, Charlie, we love you. We love you. That's how we met friends, and you meet friends in all these strange ways, and it's never one single way to meet a friend. But if you are looking for ways to meet friends, we have some ideas.

SPEAKER_04 46:59

These are the best ways to make friends. These are the ways to make friends. We've researched it. It's peer-reviewed.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

Yeah, I this is a peer-reviewed study, especially my first one.

SPEAKER_04 47:06

Yeah. So you do you want to start?

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:08

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

Okay, we're gonna do this in a way. You're gonna play um this friend I'm I'm looking to make friends with.

SPEAKER_04 47:14

Okay. Do I have a script or should I just uh no, you're just gonna improvise. Okay, okay, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Okay. Step one how to make friends. Your scheme starts. You're in line at an urbane cafe and see a smartly dressed young up-incomer like yourself. In your back pocket, you carry three sticks of gum. You say this. Hey man, don't you just love fast casual chain urbane cafe? The aesthetic range of orange coloring, the bright calming lights, the fast and healthy food options ranging from hearty veggie-based bowl to the nice hearty meat sandwich. The young, cool crowd it attracts.

SPEAKER_04 47:50

Oh, uh yeah, I mean, I I guess I like I like the place I'm here eating there.

SPEAKER_02 47:55

The only issue I have is that because of the immense cultural fusion of influences going on in this fast casual dining establishment, is the heavy use of herbs and spices. And after I eat, I just have this taste and this smell in my mouth, and I worry it impacts my fellow co-workers and loved ones and those in public around me, right? Oh, I mean I guess it almost makes you want. Gum? Gum, right. That's right. That's what that's what clears your breath. Actually, I have three pieces in my back pocket if you would like one.

SPEAKER_04 48:24

Oh, I'm uh I guess the interaction ends there.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

He doesn't know this. Before any of this occurred, you wrote him a note that said in the gum wrapper, um, saying that you find his aura inspiring and that you would love to become friends platonically one day. Your number is at the bottom. He calls you the next day and you converse about all things urbane. So that's most of what I've wrote this with our allotted time.

SPEAKER_04 48:53

I would love that. You know, I wish we weren't friends just so you could do that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I think I might be a little put off by how much you guys you come on. I love Urbane Cafe. How much you love Urbane Cafe? I do I like the idea of handing out little notes or business cards. I find business cards very inspiring as a tool.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Yes, yes. Or gum. With a little note. Gum is back, baby. Yeah. Gum is back. How did he write that note? Where did he write that note?

SPEAKER_04 49:21

It's great. Like, did he set the gum down on a dirty table before? My first way to meet good friends is by joining a union. Oh, nice. Um that's actually fair.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

It's actually a I don't know if this works.

SPEAKER_04 49:34

I'm not a part of any unions, personally. But I would be. But I would be if I podcast a podcaster union. But I think a union is a great not only is it good for workers' rights and working conditions in whatever profession you're a part of, it's a lovely place to make friends. It's also a great way to make make friends, to connect with people outside of work who have a shared lived experience.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

And a shared struggle with you. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 49:56

Yes. Um, and it's just better for the community as a whole. Like everyone is happier when there's better working conditions for the people that are they're interacting with on a day-to-day basis. Yeah. Um, and it's also a great way to meet the meet some guys or some gals. Some they're thems. Yes. And just to hang out. Maybe you guys are having a union meeting and then you're like, hey, there's a there's a pool spot nearby. We can all go play some pool, or swim in a pool.

SPEAKER_02 50:20

Oh, I thought it was that might be a little much to ask to swim at a pool. We don't have uh we don't have any swimsuits. My technique too is actually a technique I have used. It's not a joke, but it works.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

Bring fresh exotic fruit on hand to any party you go to. Yes. Um, maybe it's a mango steam, maybe it's a banana that isn't of the Cavendish varietal. Star fruits. Starfruits. Like, you know, we've all had the Cavendish. Leachy berries. Whatever it is, I'm interested. Bring some crazy fruit to a party. It's a topic of conversation right away. You get to all bite into this fruit together and bond over this weird, crazy experience of trying something new.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

Next thing you know, you're talking about your childhoods and you have friends.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, oh, I've had mango steeds before. Yeah, I was raised in a Korean household. Yes. You know? Yeah, that would work on me. I was raised in a Korean household. Not true. But yeah, it it actually like it's a great technique. And Thomas knows I've brought weird fruit to a party. You've done it too, yeah, because you've inspired me. Yeah, I brought kiwi berries. Kiwi berries, yes, which were like it's it's kind of like a combination of a grape and a kiwi. And they're like a little fuzzy on the outside, but you just eat the whole thing. But they were delicious.

SPEAKER_04 51:30

You've never been more popular at a party than that. That was your biggest party ever.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Best day of my life.

SPEAKER_04 51:36

Next up for me is tell somebody that they seem fast and you would like to challenge them in a foot race.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

Oh, yeah. This works.

SPEAKER_04 51:44

Make it a big deal. Invite everyone to come and watch. If the person you challenges wins, be very impressed. If you win, be a very gracious winner. Compliment their technique, say that you'll get they'll get you next time.

SPEAKER_03 51:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:55

Uh suggest that we all wind down with a big bowl of artichoke dip at your place. You now have friends. Oh, a big bowl of artichoke dip? No artichokes?

SPEAKER_02 52:04

No, just the artichoke dip. Just the dip. Big copious amounts of artichokes.

SPEAKER_04 52:09

Greasy chips.

SPEAKER_02 52:10

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_04 52:11

Post sprint.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

I'm lactose intolerant. I can't eat artichokes.

SPEAKER_04 52:14

We'll have a dairy-free option. Cashew butter.

SPEAKER_02 52:17

Yeah, no, that sounds good. I I worry that it adds a layer of competition.

SPEAKER_04 52:20

But we were at a big get-together of people one time, and it was all a bunch of people meeting each other for the first time. And this one guy decided he wanted to foot race someone, and he printed out flyers, and he everyone went outside.

SPEAKER_02 52:35

And you he had people vote in this giant group chat who was gonna win. Exactly. Somehow he convinced the the team of Fujifilm to sponsor the event. Yes. And give the winner a camera.

SPEAKER_04 52:46

The event we were already at was the people the Fujifilm people were there.

SPEAKER_02 52:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:50

And the winner, which was him, got a camera.

SPEAKER_02 52:53

Of course it was him. He knew it was gonna be him.

SPEAKER_04 52:56

Uh but it also gave everyone loved it. It was a wonderful moment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

We both filmed it, actually. We did. We were running behind them. Yeah. It was a great moment. Yeah, I in addition to that, like doing a bunch of push-ups, seeing who could do the most push-ups. Yeah. That's great. That's fun. Burpees. Burpees. Yeah. Who could do the most burpees at at the party? Um lat raises. Yeah. You know? I guess so, yeah. Yeah, like uh face poles.

SPEAKER_04 53:22

These are like really specific workouts. Do you just want to work out with people more?

SPEAKER_02 53:27

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 53:29

Okay. This is similar. Make a bunch of flyers for an event you're going to put on. It could be anything. Breakdancing party, paper airplane competition, a movie/slash book club. Post them on telephone poles and bulletin boards all around your area. Congratulations. Whoever shows up is now your friend.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

Right, right. Do something hyper specific. You've seen the guy eat a bunch of cheese balls.

SPEAKER_04 53:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

Yeah. I have. You haven't? It's it's a guy who posts a ton of flower flyers around uh New York saying he's gluten-free, but he's gonna eat a bunch of cheese balls where he while he wears this giant um mask. Yeah. Tons and tons and tons of people came to this event in Central Park.

SPEAKER_04 54:04

Do that. Exactly that. But for something hyper local, hyper specific. And if especially if it's something you're really interested in, the people who show up might just be really good friends. Exactly. Friends one day. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

Yeah, maybe we could put together an event like that. Like uh people want to make friends that are into this hope and positivity thing, you know? I would love if you guys like that idea. Let us know in the comments.

SPEAKER_04 54:25

Yeah, comment below if you'd like to come to a little friendship making event. Outdoor friendship conference. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

I have something here that's more genuine. It's it's complimenting you're you're you're talking to this person at a party or event, or maybe it's just at work. And it's it's about complimenting something more than just their clothing or a superficial quality. Yeah. Totally. Really noticing something about somebody. You got that dog in you, dude. I've noticed this. Dude, you're a boss. Dude, have you noticed this?

SPEAKER_04 54:55

Have you noticed this? You're you're a genius. But it's not just that. It's not just hyping someone up, it's actually paying attention.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Exactly. That's what it's mainly about. It's it's paying attention in a conversation, and maybe it's how they articulate something or um how you see that they really value a specific thing. I and and just saying that you notice that. And sometimes it comes off a little strange. Yeah. But then when people really sit with that, yeah, that thought, it becomes like super important to them.

SPEAKER_04 55:27

Like we said, so many of these things are just on that barrier of a little bit of vulnerability or discomfort. Exactly. Uh, and so you are putting yourself out there a little bit, but that's what life's about.

SPEAKER_03 55:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:36

If you have like an acquaintance that you're not quite really good friends with yet, or even real friends yet, if you're close enough with them to talk and to, you know, get coffee or something, invite them instead to do something strange or kind of off the wall. Like, hey, I need to go uh repair my bicycle and I need to go to three separate places to find the right pieces. You want to come with me?

SPEAKER_02 55:54

Right, yeah. And I have the I have that on my list too. It's like favors, and you can do favors for them. Yes. Or you ask, you need any favors you need me to do? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 56:02

Truly. Yeah. Or like randomly, like, if you know they're traveling, just be like, I'll pick you up from the airport. Like someone who you have no business picking up from the airport.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

That might be a line draws, actually. Yeah. Like it has to be like a certain level. Certain level.

SPEAKER_04 56:16

A certain level of if you're like kind of friends, but not real friends. Just like that one sec will be like, will be like, oh, I actually am real friends with this person now.

SPEAKER_02 56:26

Definitely, definitely. I totally get that.

SPEAKER_04 56:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:28

Showing off your kendama tricks. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

I don't know if you guys know about the kandama.

SPEAKER_02 56:32

Uh, but we've been playing it ever since we got back from Japan. Yeah. Um, we were in the dojo, yes, so to speak.

SPEAKER_04 56:38

Uh it's this little toy that's if you you can look up Alex will put up an image for the YouTube version right here.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

Doong! Two cups, a spike, and a what something that's called the candlestick, which is just a cup that is the whole handle for the thing.

SPEAKER_04 56:50

And you basically lift up the ball and catch it in a little wooden cup and then do like different tricks with it. And we've been doing tons of this thing.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Yeah, we play we've been playing this game called Ken, which is kind of like skate or um horse if you're playing basketball, which uh it but it's only three levels because it's just Ken.

SPEAKER_04 57:07

Um you do certain tricks and the other person has to copy it, or they're out.

SPEAKER_02 57:10

Or they're out. And the thing is, if you bring a kendama to you might be uh outcast. I don't know. Yeah. But but you do have something to show. You have something to show, you can do these tricks, or maybe someone else knows how to play kendama, you know, and that's something to bond about in itself. And it's like a little nice to just have something to play with while you're talking to people if you're a little anxious.

SPEAKER_04 57:30

That's so true. Any more? Do you want to do that?

SPEAKER_02 57:32

I think uh yeah, a real genuine one is asking what specifically makes them tick, right? Yeah, what really brightens and inspires an individual, and what um what's been the most inspiring to them as of late? Yeah, um, and it's it's really interesting. Sometimes I get and asked a question like this, and I really have to think. Yeah. Um, it's tough. It can be an album or something lately. And it it is interesting, uh specifically like I was thinking just yesterday. I haven't been specifically inspired by a piece of art lately. Yeah. And I I want to be. I'm looking out for it. Um so if you guys have any recommendations or things you think we'll like, we'd yeah, we'd love to hear that. Put them in the comments. Yeah, just albums or art or anything and everything.

SPEAKER_04 58:14

And also if you've listened to this point, put uh we're gonna give you a secret code to put in the comments to let us know that you listened all the way to this point, and that word is GREP. GRELP. G-R-E-L-P. And say grelp. If you know you know. Uh but yeah, that my last section too is just talking about cutting through all the boring small talk and asking real meaningful questions that talk about what what we're actually like and what we're actually thinking about.

SPEAKER_02 58:41

But small talk is interesting. Small talk is important because it's it's kind of fishing a little bit, it's trying to find something you can bond about and really connect on.

SPEAKER_04 58:50

You know, small talk gets a bad rap, but it's also that's so much of what human connection and relationships are, is just like, yeah, how was your day? Yeah. What was it?

SPEAKER_02 58:57

Sometimes it is odd to go right to the deepest thing that cuts through. Yeah, small talk is a is a weird balancing act. It sometimes can't get anywhere.

SPEAKER_04 59:05

Yeah, but if you find the right place to just add like within a normal conversation to ask a few meaningful questions. Like I have a list here. Like, when was the last time you laughed really hard? Right. What was so funny? Um, what was the last time you saw the ocean? What was that like? Uh what is something you're trying to change about your life right now?

SPEAKER_02 59:21

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 59:23

Okay, this one's good. If you had to create a bridal/slash groomsman party out of only fictional characters, which five would you choose?

SPEAKER_02 59:31

Um, Yosemite Sam. Yosemite Sam. He's a hoot. Um The Glob guy from Monsters vs. Aliens. Okay. Bob. Bob. Hilarious. Uh Bob. A porg. A porg from Star Wars. They're all really short.

SPEAKER_04 59:46

Make you look tall in your writing games. I know.

SPEAKER_02 59:47

It's exactly they're all lined up next to me. Yeah. I'm looking like a king. Let me think of some more minions.

SPEAKER_04 59:52

Yeah. Gray matter from Ben 10.

SPEAKER_02 59:54

Gray Matter from Ben. Uh about a hundred minions, but they're just one. Yeah. Um, not to objectify them.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:01

Also named Bob. Bob.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:03

Annoying Orange.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:04

Annoying orange groups. That's a great, that's a great groom's party. Is that five? Yeah. Yeah, you're at six. Oh, frick. I wanted more. For me, I would just do Caesar from Planet of the Apes, and that's it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:18

None of the other apes from Planet of the Apes, what about the orangutan? He's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:21

He's he's cool. He can be part of it too. And the gorilla, too. Yeah. Whose name was I don't remember. Grimbo. Grimbo. And my last idea on how to start a friendship is I'm gonna read something now. If you find yourself speaking to someone who you do not know very well, uh, and are you having a normal conversation, after a while, when the timing feels right, or when there's a little bit of a lull, say the following. Hello. I am in love with my life. I am in love with this world, and you are a part of that world. And now you are a part of my life. So, strangerslash acquaintance, does that mean I love you? Yes, it does. I love you. Yeah. No, yeah, no. Uh so I just think that would be like a nice like a chill, relaxed way to like make a new friend. It's a good idea. And by the way, you have to grab them by the shoulders and say this directly into their eyes.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:19

No, yeah, I to somebody that would work.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:22

There's someone out there where that that's gonna work really well.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:24

Somebody yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:26

Um They might get scared. Yeah, you're right. Don't do that. No, that's a bad that's a bad idea. Uh but I stand by the meaning of it. Is if we really like if we believe this world is good, we believe that people are good.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:40

Yes. And to love anyone, you have to love everybody.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:43

Just a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Yeah. Our mindfulness mission for this week is to try and make a friend. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a big friend. But try and make one of those acquaintances that you have in your life. Ask them a question that brings up something a little deeper or something a little funnier.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:01

Or if you're just walking around somewhere in your day-to-day life and you see someone who you've maybe seen a couple times before say, Hey, how's it going? Talk to them about Urbane Cafe. Um ask them when the last time they saw the ocean was. Ask them how do they cope? Yeah. Hey, how do you actually don't ask them that? Ask them, hey, how have you figured out how to be a person? Yeah. How's it going for you?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:23

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:25

Yeah. Close that bridge.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

Show off your kandomatrix.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:28

Show off your kandometrics. Um, close that gap of distance you have between you and the random people in your life just a little bit. And you know, it might not always work out, but regardless, you trying. That's that's most of the way there. Anyway, make sure to follow the podcast wherever you're listening. Send it to someone who you think will like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:47

Check us out on Instagram, TikTok, uh, and YouTube because we're gonna post our long form video there.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:54

Go and subscribe to our YouTube if you're not already.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:56

Um it's it's gonna be good. You can check out our Patreon if you like. Yeah, if you have nothing on there, but if you want to support us, it's a great way.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:04

Yes. If we've made it this far, go check that out.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:06

Oh, check out our book. We love you an optimistic guide to life on a rock floating through space.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:10

And also have a good day out there. Uh, we know it's tough sometimes, but uh, we're all here together and we'll we'll make it through make it through. And comment your favorite fruit. Yes, also comment your favorite fruit and grelp.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:20

Group.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:22

Anyway, we love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:32

Hey man.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:33

Hey man, we love you.