Difficult Roads, Beautiful Outcomes: Nicky Fochler on Sobriety, Confidence, and Rebuilding From Scratch

What does it take to hit reset in your 40s: get sober and move across the country to start over?

In this episode, Brandon sits down with Nicky Fochler, a newly certified Jay Shetty life and personal growth coach who's spent over a decade in medical technology before deciding to rebuild her life from the ground up. Nicky opens up about the moment that pushed her to get sober almost two years ago, and the ongoing, unglamorous work of learning to actually feel her emotions instead of numbing them.

Nicky and Brandon talk honestly about what nobody tells you about getting sober: that quitting is just the beginning, that your confidence can take a hit when the people around you don't like your growth, and that starting over somewhere new can be as terrifying as it is freeing. They also dig into small, practical habits, like making the hard phone call, taking one step at a time, and learning to slow down, that have helped Nicky keep moving forward on her own terms.

Whether you're in recovery, going through a major life transition, or just figuring out who you are without your old habits, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

Connect with Nicky Fochler:
https://www.rootstoriselifecoaching.com/
Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/roots_to_rise_lifecoach/

Our Website:bransandservices.com

Brandon/Bransand Solutions and Services Socials-
Facebook
Instagram
Tiktok
Youtube
Linkedin

Are you a coach? Join The Coach's Community- Co-Hosted By Brandon Sanderson, Jamie Winslow, Joe Keohan, and Tony Renner! 

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the Clarity Confidence and Growth Podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the Clarity Competence and Growth Podcast. I'm your host, Brandon Sanderson, I'm your host, Brandon Sanderson, and I'm really glad you're here. and I'm really glad you're here. My guest tonight is someone in the middle of a genuine reinvention. My guest tonight is someone in the middle of a genuine reinvention. Nicky Fochler spent over a decade in medical technology, Nicky Fokler spent over a decade in medical technology, the kind of study behind-the-scene work that keeps healthcare running. the kind of study behind-the-scene work that keeps healthcare running. But somewhere along the lines, But somewhere along the lines, she felt a pull towards something different. she felt a pull towards something. Now she's a newly graduated. Now she's a newly graduated. Jay Shetty certified coach, packing up life in the northern US and heading south Jay Shetty certified coach, packing up life in the northern US and heading south to start fresh as a life and personal growth coach. to start fresh as a life and personal growth coach. What I love about Nikki's story is that she's not just teaching change, What I love about Nikki's story is that she's not just teaching change, she's living it in real time. And as a fellow Jay Shetty coach, she's living in real time. And as a fellow Jay Shetty coach, I know exactly the kind of work that pull takes. I know exactly the kind of work that pool takes. Nicky, welcome to the show tonight. Nicky, welcome to the show Thank you. Nice to be here. Thank you for having me. So tell us a bit more about yourself and what's something most people wouldn't know So tell us a bit more about yourself and what's something most people wouldn't know about you just from your bio and your online presence. about you just from your bio and your online my goodness. a little bit about me is like you said, I kind of have really pushed the mold and have really hit that reset button. I made a decision back in November of twenty four, yeah. Yeah, not quite two years, but almost, to get sober from drugs and alcohol. and that really a lot of people think that that's just kind of where you start and everything, and that's just like if I'm being honest, this much of it sometimes. This this part is what is really the hard work and that's what starts. And I just knew I did not want to live that kind of life anymore and I just really, really pushed and I keep pushing every day. goodness, something that most people don't know about me based on my profile. whew, that's a that's a tough question. I'm not really sure because I'm pretty a pretty open book. I mean, part of this is sharing my journey and sharing the the real raw truth and the hardness, the things that people don't like to talk about, and just if somebody out there is like She's talking about it and I'm feeling it. It's okay to talk about. Like it is okay. And I really want people to know that. So yeah. I love that. And I think the I love that. And I think the one piece that really one piece that really is not talked about enough is how is not talked about enough is how you can quit the substance, you can quit the substance, but you really have to do that mental work. but you really have to do that mental work, the clarity that you need to Yeah. The clarity that you build after having that type of lifestyle for so long. need to build after having that type of lifestyle for so long. I know I was there for so long and the hardest part was getting that clarity I know I was there for so long and the hardest part was getting that parody to keep going. to keep going, keep moving forward. And I'm so proud of you. keep moving forward and so proud of you. Almost two years, that's a long time. Almost three years, that's a long time. a lot of people we'll s we'll talk about, like staying strong and everything and that is is so important. But for me, the quitting was not that was not a an issue. It wasn't even an option. It had to happen. And, the moment I made that decision, I haven't looked back. I haven't even thought about it. so that's really nice. one big thing is you can't, you can't really quit yourself. And that's where I feel like that's what happens when you start feeling those emotions in real, you're not covering them with substances anymore. It's like it kind of slaps you in the face and goes This is what you've been hiding from, and for me it was, almost forty-five years, so it was a long time of just hiding and burying and masking and never really it. So yeah. And that is the hardest part is once And that is the hardest part is once you don't have the bottle to turn you don't have the bottle to turn to when you have to when you have the house needing work done or a repair that just came up and the stress the house needing work done or a repair that just came up and stress is piling is piling on or work is killing you, on or work is killing you, you really have to healthy healthy habits fast. you really have to learn those healthy habits fast to Absolutely. Like How do you all of a sudden your life is so raw. you're just like every I mean, in the beginning I remember just the littlest things. Like like picking up something off the floor, being like, why is this here? And just having that feeling and just being like, Wow, I would have probably been like, it's time for a drink or whatever, And now I mean it's gotten to be to a point, you don't even think about it anymore. But it's that's what people do not talk about is this hard, I mean, I I really cannot express how much work it is. And a lot of times that's why people just they do they do give up. Unfortunately, but because it is hard. It is very hard. And doing this every day and it's that's what it is every day. It's it's every minute. That's our Yeah, And it's not willpower. and you don't realize it. You are literally living in your real true self and your feeling and My age is just that number, So you take that many years of not really feeling, I mean, I remember my first drink at 17. like that's a long time. So and it's just really feeling it now. And at times you are like, I I know, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, this is awful, this is terrible, but you think about it. And think back and where you would be and where that day would lead you, what messes you'd be getting into, like how crappy you'd feel the next day, and then all of that goes right out the window. And this doesn't feel that bad anymore. So Yeah. I can't remember if it was you I was talking to or it was someone else, I can't remember if it was you I was talking to or if it was someone else, but I like to reframe it around like but I like to reframe it around dating. When I come to a boundary there and I'm like, dating when I come to a boundary there and I'm like, this is a red flag, and I want to try to go past it, this is the red flag and I wanna try to go past it and then I remember and then I remember all the crap that I dealt with from behind me, all the crap that I dealt with from behind me and I'm like, and I'm like, no, no, no, we can't do that. no, no no, we can't do that. I think of the same when I like have I think of the same when I like have a stressful day and I want to have a drink, a stressful day and I want to have a drink and it's like, and it's like No no no, I remember all the crazy shit I did for all those years. No, no, no, I remember all the crazy shit I did for all those years. no no no no no we don't wanna flip that switch.~ no no no no no. We don't want to And listen, So Yeah, I'm not here s judging. drinking and everything like that. if it's not a problem, it's not a problem. But for me, in my personal journey, and that's what's really important is, oftentimes people will feel judged, you end up judging yourself, but that's not what I'm here, You want to drink, drink. You wanna have social drinks? That's fine. For me, it literally changed who I was. It was not my true self. I was mean, I was angry, so I just I do want to make sure that that's something 'cause I'm not here to judge anybody for what they are doing or going through at all. Yeah, I think that's from both of us because I had a very similar time with Think that's from both of us because you know, had a very similar time with drinking and it was very much stress-related, and it was very much stress related, not having my self-control under control, not having myself control under control. and now I can have a beverage every once in a while. And now I can have a beverage every once in while. But that took time, and you might not be a person who has to quit completely, But that took time. Absolutely. And you might not be a person who has to quit completely, like Nicky said, but like Nicky said. Know your options, really. Know your options. Absolutely. Yeah. And no know yourself. And that's the biggest thing. Get to know yourself. It's been fun getting to know the real me. And that's exciting with the next question I have to go on with ~ is can And that's exciting. With the next question I have to go on with ~ is you walk us through a moment where getting clearer changed everything for you? can you walk us through a moment where getting clearer changed everything for client? well for me for sure. just honestly the day that I decided to get sober, because if I'm being honest, it came with a blackout moment, and getting behind the wheel and showing up to the ex-boyfriend's house and being that typical crazy lady and I don't remember any of it. and this wasn't the first time that's probably happened. I know it's not, and not just with an ex, with a friend, with a going out to a bar, someone looked at me wrong, I'd get angry, I'd snap, I'd, go off. It was just who is this person? And even though over the years how many times it had happened, for some reason, and my wish honestly is to take that feeling of clarity that I like I do not want to live this life anymore, and how intense that was, and just give it to other people. to feel for a minute because that was just that moment was i it was like no other, it was just and it it wasn't some big aha moment where I was like, like it was just like, holy shit, you either need to fix this or something really bad's gonna happen to you or someone else or what and it just I bottom line, I didn't want to live like this anymore. I wanted to find out what life l looked like on the other side. And now that I have, there is no turning back, I think you resonated what a lot of people would have. No, I think you resonated what lot of people would have. Like it's not always about the crazy aha. Like it's not always about the crazy aha. Like, I remember the first time I drove drunk, Like I remember the first time I drove drunk. That was when I was similar situation. and that was when I was similar situation. Me and an ex were separating. He was going down to visit a friend, Me and an ex were separating. He was going down to visit a friend,~ down in Niagara and he turned off all of his location and everything,~ down in Niagara and he turned off all of his location and everything, and we still owned a house together and I and we still owned a house together. got belligerently drunk and was and he blocked me and I drove to his parents got belligerently drunk and was and he blocked me and I drove to his parents and was like, I'm gonna go in. and was like, I'm gonna go in, I need to find out where you are. I need to find out where you are. Like, what are you doing? And like just went completely crazy. Like, what are you doing? And like just went completely crazy. Like I had no independence. And that's really what started the rabbit hole. I had no independence. And that's really what started the rabbit hole and And I drank a lot over a few years. I drank a lot over a few years. And the end was I was in a relationship where I seen a lot of value from the And the end was I was in a relationship where I seen a lot of value from the And I was in a place where I was starting to love myself more. I was in a place where I was getting to love myself more and he was going through And he was going through a hard time one night and said that he needed a hard time one night and said that he needed me to not like cuddle, me to not like cuddle. He just needed to be by himself. he just needed to be by himself and I couldn't handle that and I just drank that And I couldn't handle that. And I just drank that feeling in. feeling in. And that's what really told me I need to stop is on the way And that's what really told me I need to stop. Is on the way I had to drive from where he lived, I had to drive from where he lived what was like about an hour from where what was like about an hour from where I needed to be the next day. I needed to be the next And I probably still drove drunk and I went to And I probably still drove drunk and it was on the highway. I remember just getting to my friend's house where I was dog sitting and being like, I remember this getting to my friend's house where I was dog sitting and being I can't do this anymore. It's gonna kill me or it's gonna kill somebody else. I can't do this anymore. It's gonna kill me or it's gonna kill somebody else. And I'm like, I think it just ended this relationship and I think And I'm like, I think it just ended this relationship and I think I still have something wrong with being independent. I still have something wrong with being independent. Like I struggle once I get that connection, Like I struggle to get that connection. I grab on and that let me down the the I grab on. And that let me down the this self discovery of learning myself more and I think self discovery of learning myself more and I think that is the powerful part is that big clarity piece of you deciding to quit That is the powerful part is that big clarity piece of you deciding to quit. Yeah. Has now led you down this new journey of you learning yourself. has now led you down this new journey of you learning yourself. And that's beautiful. Yeah. And I think Yeah, like like you said, take that stigma off of this big aha moment, It happens for you when it happens for you and when you're ready, And and in reality, some people just never get there, and unfortunately that's their journey, but know that don't be scared of it either. If you feel it there, listen to it. Because there were so many times before, and I'd take a break from drinking or, whatever. And, and it just I really, really just used it to cope with life. And that is not a way to cope with life by any means. And honestly, as hard as it is to feel everything so so real and it's so much more beautiful than how you felt it before. it really is. don't be scared, is the really way. Yeah. Yeah, don't be scared. What's your relationship with confidence been like throughout your What's ~ your relationship with confidence been like throughout your own journey of going through this, own journey of it, building clarity, building clarity, learning more about yourself, learning more about yourself, really you starting to know who you are. really starting to know who you are, how's your confidence been? How's your confidence That honestly I'm gonna say I have struggled with because unfortunately, A lot of times, and I'm sure a lot of us coaches too, a lot of times we feel it not just coaches, anybody going through any kind of personal growth, the people around you really make you feel like you're not doing something right. And as we've learned, it's not about you. It's about them. They're that you're holding up a mirror, and as crappy as that sounds, sorry. Everyone, it's really what's happening, and you're internally judging yourself. I remember doing it so many times when my friends would be like, I'm good, I don't want to drink, or whatever, and be what's wrong with you? like there's nothing wrong with that person. Absolutely nothing, What's wrong with you for shitting on them? And that's what happens. And so even knowing that, and knowing all the things and the growth and the clarity and all of that. I do struggle with it because of, a lot of work that I'm still doing on myself, chronic people pleasing, lots of traumas of just not being good enough and upsetting other people. so that is honestly, here we are almost two years in and I do still struggle with that. It's about me learning my boundaries and learning that it is okay to be this so making that move like you had mentioned in the in the beginning, from Maine to Florida, has been a really big change and a really good change 'cause it's a restart for me. I spent my whole life up there. Everybody knew the old Nicky, and unfortunately, there's about two people I still talk to. And I'm talking I had hundreds of friends. Friends. And so it's really it the confidence is there when I'm with like minded people and they are boosting you up and you're in that kind of wonderful community. But the the real truth about it is is that that is something that's not on an everyday basis. And you've got to be okay with that. And that is a daily struggle for myself still. So yeah. I think what you said the where you said And I think what you said where you said, you know, confidence is something that when people are going through confidence is something that when people are going through a major life transition, a major life transition, or us as coaches, or us as coaches, we struggle with. we struggle with. And I think it's that life transition. And I think it's that life transition. Any life transition, any big change you're making, Any life transition, you're any big change you're making, it causes that confidence to really take a test. it causes that confidence to really take a test. It really takes you building up those confidences, It really takes you building up those confidences, building up the, building up know, I can do this I can do even when you think no the fuck I can't. Even when you think, No the fuck I can't. Yes, I can. Yes, I Yeah. What's one practical thing that maybe you've done or that you've seen done What's one practical thing that maybe you've done or that you've seen done that~ that someone can do this week to help build more my goodness. someone can do this week to help build more confidence? that's it's kind of a there's so many things, so it's like it's hard to say,'cause it really depends on where the person's at, I feel like, and what they can attain. So I I guess if there's that one little thing that you're you're fearful of, that do it. If it's a phone call you need to make, if it's an email you need to write, if if it's a I need to walk a mile today versus a half a mile, do it. You need to push yourself. At the end of the day, it isn't about everyone else. And that is what is really hard to really own and recognize, you have, people in your life. You you always are gonna think about you have family, you have friends, you have loved ones, but you do need to look out for yourself. that doesn't mean being like, too bad, that's your life. It's called balance, and so take the small thing and just do it. And then take that as a win. that is something if somebody can do that this that would be awesome. whatever that little thing is. And it could be something really big that might feel little to you, but just can push yourself. And that's really what it's about Yeah. is really digging deep, pulling up your bootstraps and doing the work. I want to be that l soft and loving and whatever, but you literally at the end of the day, get your shit done. Like and just do it. Nike had a saying for a reason. Just it. And I think, Nicky, yeah. And I think, you know, you hit such a coach point of start with the small step. you hit such a coach point of start with the small step. And, you know, put that the other way, And, even to put that the other if even if you think that, even if you think that, you know, I'm gonna do this phone call, like that's not putting me any further. Well it is you just spent six days not doing the phone call. Yeah. So take that one small step. Yeah. Because you have no idea what that's gonna then move you for the momentum to do Yeah. The next So I guess to speak back to your confidence The next day. that is something that I have really built my confidence in over this last year and a half is just doing those small things. making the phone calls, sending the texts, sending the emails, joining the classes, all the things, and really, I want to do this, so what do I need to attain that? Okay, step one. And just that is something that I have been building over this time and that has been awesome. So yeah, it is the small steps and that is what give you, all those big goals and wins. So And it's really what yeah, gives you that ability to start getting comfortable with And it's really what yeah, gives you that ability to start getting comfortable with the uncomfortable and really moving into that next the uncomfortable and really moving into that yeah. My favorite, favorite, favorite saying is you gotta get uncomfortable to be comfortable. Yes. there there was a manager when I was at Best Yes. there was a manager when I was at Best Buy that he gave me that information. Buy that he gave me that information. And me and my really good friend still And me and my really good friend still will literally say it's the one thing that we got positive from that manager. will literally say it the one thing that we got positive from that manager And it's done so much through our journeys, and it's done so much through our journeys, especially now after leaving that company. especially now after leaving the company. So I love So I Yeah. And I also have another favorite saying that kind of the only constant in the universe is change. So why do we fight it so much?'Cause it's literally the only thing that it's always gonna happen is change. So true. Everything and you have no control over it. and that's another big thing too is letting go of that need for control all the time, because you have no control over what anybody else does or anything. You only have control over yourself, and that's where these anxieties come from. That's where these, these fears come from, because you start thinking about all the things that could possibly, that might possibly. That shit doesn't matter because you don't know. You have no idea. And what? Maybe you're right. But who knows. So just do it, really. Like get off your ass and do it. Yeah. Because you won't know how it's gonna turn out until you until is you won't know how it's gonna turn out until you do it, until you make that first step. you make that Yeah. Well I think you've been helping me a little bit with like my website in that little picture. I said, like some, difficult w I can't remember how what how it says, but it's like difficult roads can lead to beautiful, yeah, outcomes or whatever, and that is really true, And we think life, my drinking and everything, when things got difficult, that's just how I would deal with it. And now you were put in a position where you have to deal with it, So you gotta make a choice. And it's really up to you. At the end of the day, it is one hundred percent up to you. Yeah, difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. And I only remember it because I have a sign on my fireplace at home just below And I only remember it because I have a sign on my fireplace at home just below my TV that says my T V. the same thing with trees. It says the same I love that. So you were like, ooh, I really like that. that's amazing. Yeah, because it's true. It's really and I'm I'm literal walking living proof of that right now. so going from confidence into growth, So going from confidence into growth, you've done lots of growing, so much has happened over the last two years. you've been lots of growing, so much has happened over the last two years. What's one belief or habit that has had the biggest impact on your growth? What's one belief or habit that has had the biggest impact on my god, pushing, like and just knowing that even though it's hard, I I mean really, that's there's no big secret, I in the last two years almost it's been a lot of change in the last six weeks, two months, it's been a lot of change, selling my home, moving I mean, I selling my house, I honestly I had thoughts Not that I wanted to drink, but that if I was still drinking and drugging, I'd probably be dead. Honestly. That was Probably the closest I have felt, like almost like, I don't want to say out of control, but just like I don't know how to handle this overwhelming feeling, and it really pushed and tested me. And and that's just why really all I had to do at the end of the day, just every day, just push through, stop, pause, take a goddamn breath. we don't do that enough because again, we're taught, No, you keep going, you push through, you and no, no. Take a minute to breathe. my therapist actually said, taking time to slow down, even though it sounds counterproductive, it actually makes you more productive because you're not going eight thousand an hour in your own brain and not knowing what direction you're going in, I was feeling a little bit like that, on our call last night, talking. I just was all over the place and sitting and think thank you, insomnia a little bit, but I was I honestly was able to kind of chill out and calm down last night and take a moment. And that's what it's about is taking those moments for yourself. so that's a habit that I've definitely I'm not the best at some days, and that's okay. Again, everybody out there, it's okay to have a minute. It's okay to have a day. It's okay to have a week. Just don't live in it. Don't let it go into two weeks, three weeks, a month, and then you're right back in your shit. Don't do that to yourself. Take your time, but that is one thing that I have given myself some grace on. Okay, I've overextended myself. I'm making mistakes. and that's what I was doing, with my my day-to-day job. I was like, just Frazzled. You can't do that to yourself. and that's another thing I think people forget. You are taught, you push, you multitask, you do the 8,000 tasks a day all at once, or you're not good enough. No, you're plenty good enough doing one task at a time, completing it, and moving on to the next. And trust me, your life is gonna work so much better when you do that. Yeah. And that's not just work, it's every everything, And I think too. everything in your life. Yeah, and think too with the growth piece of slowing down. Yeah, anything too with growth piece of slowing down. You slow down You slow down and you have to take those moments. and you have to take those moments. You have to start being okay with knowing You have to start being okay with knowing when you can kind of like say Say, Okay, maybe I can cancel this, okay, maybe I can cancel this, or maybe I should have a slower morning today, or maybe I should have a slower morning today, or maybe I should do this. And I think, or maybe I should do this. And I think, you know, like example this morning. like example this morning. I went to bed last night, I went to bed last night. You know, we were talking and unfangling till around midnight. talking and untangling till around midnight. I went to bed around midnight. I went to bed around midnight. And I got woken up this morning at five. And I got woken up this morning at five. The dog needed let out. I I went out down and I'm like, The dog needed let out. I I went out down and I'm like, I know I can't be up for the day yet. I know I can't be up for the day Or Or I'm going to be toast by the end of the day. I'm going to be toast by the end of the day. So I grabbed a pillow, I laid on the couch, So I grabbed a pillow, I laid on the couch, I put Golden Girls on, and I said, I put Golden Girls on, and I said, I'm just not gonna go to my call at nine o'clock. I'm just not gonna go to my call at nine o'clock.

I'm gonna get up around 9: 22:09

30, I'm gonna get up around 9 30, 10 o'clock, and I'm going to get ready for the day and join my call at 11. 10 o'clock, and I'm going to get ready for the day and join my call at eleven. And you know, super productive day doing that. And I've had a super productive day doing that. I've had a super I had a super good start. Whereas if I would have pushed through this morning, good start. Whereas if I would have pushed through this morning, I probably wouldn't be where I am now with my day. I probably wouldn't be where I am now with my day. So, you know, those mini moments, So, those mini moments, those taking time really do help make sure that those taking time really do help make sure that you can continue moving forward. you can continue moving forward. And like Nicky said, taking those days, And like Nicky Smith, taking those days, taking the week if you need it, taking the week if you need it, just be self-aware to know if it's turning into a just be self aware to know if it's turning into a I'm just laying in bed 'cause I'm getting depressed and I'm too far down I'm just laying in bed because I'm getting depressed and I'm too far down the rabbit hole or I just need to recoup because I've burnt way too much energy. the rabbit hole or I just need to recoup because I've burnt way too much energy. And if you ever feel like you're going down that rabbit hole, it's also okay, reach out to someone. that's the other thing that I've, been fortunate enough to have is, those people that you can reach out to. That will help pull you out of that shitstorm that you've gotten yourself finding those people in your life are really important, And don't be discouraged if you don't have them right now. This is probably because you don't know that they're there yet. those people will come, because that was a big part of this journey. And it still is at times, the loneliness. not gonna sugarcoat it for anybody out there. I'm really not. It it can get lonely. But it's that right there, being okay with being by yourself. That's another thing that we are so we just don't do. and when you can really learn to be by yourself, love yourself, give yourself that gratitude, that grace that hey, I'm doing all right, I'm gonna make it, maybe, maybe I didn't pay that bill this month, but what? I'm working on a plan to make, that was the other thing, Make those phone calls. Seriously, that was a big thing for me financially, I mean I almost I was on the verge of losing my house twice. in fourteen years. Like, really, make the phone calls. people don't wanna take your shit. They really don't. As scary as it is, again those are those fear based things that we talk about and that we just and in the past it would be, mm, yeah, all right, I'm gonna Go to the bar and drink this away, yeah. That problem is still there in the morning when you wake up. No matter how much booze you drank the night before. Those problems are always gonna be there. And if you do not deal with them, if you do not work on them, if you do not process them, they're gonna come back. Whether it's a bill or an emotion, that stuff comes back up. Whether it's twenty years down the road, it really does. So And then it's usually worse too. Because you've now spent the money on the alcohol, And then it's usually worse too. my gosh, a hundred times worse. Because you've now spent the money on the alcohol, you don't don't have even less money. you're now going to have even less money. It's it's just such a cycle. And I think It's right. It's just such a cycle. To that point too, you know, if make those phone calls, to that point too, if you don't make those phone calls, if you don't look into what's possible, if you don't look into what's possible, you don't know what's out there. you don't know what's out there. When I started this coaching journey, You don't When I started this coaching journey, I lost my job, you know, I all of the stuff that was out there to support. I lost my job, I didn't know all of the stuff that was out there to support. And I'm still finding more things that can support while I'm living on less I'm still finding more things that can support while I'm living on less of an income and starting building this business. of an income and starting building this business. So, you know, phone calls, making those phone calls are important. taking those phone calls, making those phone calls are important. And even though they're uncomfortable, And even though they're uncomfortable, they can be so helpful. they can be so Yeah. it's really about doing the hard shit that you don't think you can do and really you can, and i it may take one person a day to do it, it might take another person a month. But that doesn't mean it's any less or any more. It's your journey. and that's the biggest thing that we need to remember is that at the end of the day, this is your journey. But you've gotta do it, So yeah. Yeah. And your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else. And your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's. It can be And it doesn't, And that's it, that's the other thing. Stop comparing yourself to what others have gone through. I honestly I want to share my story and I want to get that out there. But your journey is still your journey. I can sympathize and empathize and be right there and walk that path with you, but it's still yours and yours alone, And that is something that I am now grateful for. you always look for something, I need help, I need I need this. What do I do? What do I do? You have the answers, I I think, I I think I've told you, I I joke with my therapist almost weekly we joke about this. I was like, I know the reality. This stuff, this and this are just not caught up yet. And she reassures me, it will. You keep doing the work, it'll catch up. Takes time and anything in growing takes time. And anything in growing takes time. Yeah. And it just gets easier, it gets easier the problems don't get easier, it gets easier on how you deal with it. and that's not saying that I don't have full on days where holy shit, I'm about ready to have a panic attack. But I come back way faster now. Way faster. And that's because of the work. And I'll tell you, Nicky as you keep going, I'll tell Nicky you keep going you're gonna come back even faster than you're gonna come back even faster than you even think you can now. you even think you can now. Yeah. So with that, why coaching? So with that, why coaching? What drew you to coaching What drew you to the coaching work? well, I didn't really know anything about it. I to the famous Mel Robbins, I took myself to see her first live show in Boston not this May, but the May before. and I had started, with the journey with getting sober, trying to do some self help stuff myself, and it was like I really, clung on to her, Jay Shetty, and I just going there and I did this all myself. That's the other thing. Take yourself out, people. Take yourself out on dates by yourself. Seriously. It's a game changer. But I took myself down to Boston, I, got myself a hotel room. I had a great time. And being in that theater with thousands of like-minded people. wanting change, feeling that positive. I mean you the positive energy just radiated. It was like nothing I've ever felt before. It was amazing. and so after that I was just like this is the life I want to live. I want people to know that This life on the other side is so much better, and that's not to say your life is shitty. I'm not saying that at all. but I can guarantee you're probably going, it is kind of shitty, let's be honest. But knowing that it can be better because of the things that you can do, and if I can help someone get there. And then obviously following Jay Shetty, his stuff would start popping up, and I kind of got intrigued and I was like, my gosh, this is my possible opportunity to do this, to really reach people, to really help people, because this world is rough and we need some healing. So that's really where, that's really it. I just really want to help so much because. I feel so deeply and and my feelings and emotions affect me so like physically. Like I can feel, like even right now, like I wish, I wish you could feel like what is happening inside my body right it's a great feeling. It doesn't feel bad because I'm excited, And if I can get people to feel like that, that's what happens. You get that excitement, and then something happens, and my gosh. I did this. Okay, let's do the next thing. And that has been what I've been doing. And that's all I want to do is help so many people out there. Think that's a big piece of coaching is you see the change in the person, That's a big Peace. you see the change in the person and then you wanna just keep seeing that over and then you want to just keep seeing that over and over and over again. and over and over again. And, from my previous career that's why I chose And you know, previous career, that's why it shows I wanted to go into this role. I wanted to go into this role. I loved supporting the people that I worked with. I loved supporting the people that I worked with. I loved getting into why maybe their work performance was. I loved getting into why maybe their work performance was lower because of something going on at home and working through that lower because of something going on at home and working through that to be a support to them to then get them to a better place at the workplace. to be a support to them to then get them to a better place in the workplace. And it's really funny that you say this started And it's really funny that you say when you went to Mel Robins, because May 12th, Started when you went to Mel Robins because May 12th, 2025 is when we went to Mel Robins here in Toronto. 2025 is when we went to Mel Robins here in Toronto. And May ~ twentieth is when I signed up for J Shetty. And May 20th is when I signed up for Jay Shetty. And I think it was just And I think it was just a like pull a like pull because was such an energetic environment. it was such an energetic environment. Well and and for me too, being my age and listen, age is just a number I know is a hard number to deal with some days. I know it. and hearing and that was what resonated a lot with me, with her, She w is, forty seven when things really started. forty one she I started at forty four. I'm not and again, I'm not comparing. It's just nice to hear that it can be done. I'm comparing at the age part, because middle age you're kinda like, shit, it's half over. Well what can I do? You can do so much. You can do you have a whole nother life left over, and Again, society just drills into us so many things that you think you're not supposed to be. you're not supposed to be like us. you're supposed to be going out, drinking, partying, shitting on other people, judging that one, talking back about this one, like no. That's not what life is. It's it's really not. There's so much more to it, And y just and I'm not saying that's how everybody is, but you do find that in a lot of places where, misery loves company. Yeah, and it does. Until you break out of that, that's what you stick with. So, and and that's why, speaking back to that confidence thing is just, that's kind of took a hit in the beginning because it was like, I'm doing all of these good things. Why are these people being assholes? For lack of a better word. And it was, I get it. You're making changes, you're doing things, and they're staying right here. That's the problem. It's not you, And instead of them saying, I think I need a change, they're gonna shit on you. So it has nothing to do with you, but it is hard. It's hard to hear, it's hard to deal with. It's that's the reality of it. It's just you need to be strong enough to push through that and understand. Think of those times, think back, think of how you felt, how did that make you feel? And if it made you feel yucky. Then you're way better off, Yeah. Listen to you and have that self awareness. Listen to you and have that self you are your biggest fan and your biggest role model if you listen within. Your big you are your biggest fan and your biggest role model if you was moving. So last question Nicky. what's the most important lesson coaching question question, Vicky.~ what's the most important lesson you've learned as a coach you've learned as a coach so far? the most important lesson I think, let me think here. there's been so many, but I think really having this community and and in in that fact of knowing that this is okay, being a positive person, being a positive role model, being just, working on yourself and doing all of that, it's it's okay. And, the haters are gonna hate.'cause again, to speak towards that loneliness, and You will find your people. You will find it. I promise. it doesn't mean you have to run out and become a Jay Shetty coach or anything like that. you will find your people. and it's becoming it, and luckily it is starting to take hold, and people are realizing life does not have to be like this. but I think that was my biggest takeaway, is that Really, this is okay. and I know that might not be a lesson for for most. They're probably like, what the hell is she talking about? But for me, it's always been something that I've struggled with. I have a huge fear of doing wrong, of not doing something right, of, again, pissing other people off. And that was a big lesson for me to learn. And becoming a coach has really helped me. And I'm still learning it, because I'll have my moments. Absolutely, but it's it's a lesson that I definitely learned and it's one that I'm happy that I'm learning. Yeah, me too, and I s like something similar to like and I love what Me too and I learned something similar to like and I loved what you said where, you said where haters are gonna hate and they're gonna hate whether you you the haters are gonna hate and they're gonna hate whether you do it or not. do it or not. They really are. So just do what you love. And they're not your people. Those are not your people. As much as you want them to be, they're not your people. And it's hard because it's loss. at the end of the day, it's still loss. Those were people in your life, it could be a husband, it could be a family member, it could be a wife, sister, it doesn't matter. Those are your people in those times, And you're like, I don't want to live over here anymore, and they do. You are gonna lose them. They're gonna judge you, they're gonna shit on you. Hopefully, not. Hopefully, they're gonna be like, Wow, that's awesome. I wish I could get there. I'm not ready. it'd be great if people could just own it like that, but they so often they don't. So it's not you. Just remember that. Yes, I love. Yes, I love that reframe, it's not you. Thank you so much, Nicky It was so great to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much, Nicky. It was so great to have you on the podcast. send-off questions. ~ so first off, Thank you for fire set-up questions. Okay. ~ so first off, what's one book, what's one book, resource, or tool you'd recommend to anyone starting a new resource, or tool you'd recommend to anyone starting a new honestly, the Let Them Theory. The Let Them Theory or even the 54321, because that one I use a lot too. That one will help you get your ass in gear. When you're sitting there doing the long talk in your head, the six days before you send the email, just stop. Five four three two one and do it. That's helpful. So those are really good ones. The Let Them was really what launched it for me. So I love Mel Robbins and I love the Let Them Theory. I love Mel Robbins and I loved Let Them Theory. I loved five four I love three two one. And yeah, I think both of those are great recommendations. Yeah, I think both of those are great recommendations. Where can people find you and connect with you? Where can people find you and connect You can find me on my so I have my Roots to Rise, Life and Personal Growth Coaching. Google it. I have Instagram, Facebook, the website YouTube, you can reach out to me at any of those. Yeah, I'll also have all of the links to Nicky's social medias Yeah, I'll also have all of the links to Nikki's social medias in the description below. And any final thoughts, in the description them. And any final thoughts, words of encouragement, or anything you'd like to share with our listeners tonight, words of encouragement, or anything you'd like to share with our listeners tonight, Nicky. Just If you feel like you're ready to do it, do it. That's your sign. You don't need anything big. You don't need some big grand gesture or anything. You don't need to drive to your ex's house hammered, blacked out. If you're ready, do it. Like seriously, don't wait. Don't wait until something bad happens. wulda, coulda, shoulda. But what? If if I can give you that piece of advice, don't wait. If you're feeling it, Jump on it now. Don't win. I love that. Thank you so much, that thank you so much Nicky it was amazing to have you Nicky. Thank you.