What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

"Follow your passion" doesn't help when you don't have one. This solo episode is for the times you're genuinely stuck and have no idea what to do next.

I talk through finding purpose in your pain, why you want the overlap between what you're good at and what you actually enjoy, and why you should go look at the real day of someone already doing the thing you think you want, before you chase it.

What I cover:

• Purpose hides in what you've survived, not your wins
• Good at it + enjoy it.. why you need both
• Studying the reality of a path, not the idea of it
• One small step to take this week

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, I'm about to say aligned and filtered. This is the podcast where we speak honestly about what it really takes to build a life and a business that aligns with the future version of you, the one that you keep saying that you're going to be. I expect self-help apps and tools to be able to help you bridge the gap from where you are now to where you want to be. Let's get started. Hello and welcome back to Aligned and Unfiltered. I am so glad to have you here, whether or not you are watching or listening. Today's episode is going to be all about what to do when you don't know what to do. And I thought that this would be a really important episode because so many of us struggle with knowing what to do. We struggle with trying to find our passion or trying to find our purpose in life and exactly what it is that we really want to be doing with our life. And you see so many quotes like, if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. But so many people don't realize that they can be doing what it is that they love to do. And I was actually out at the weekend with a few friends and just listening to them talk. And in my head, I realized when I was listening to people how limiting their beliefs were in what they could do. And they're in careers where they are employed and they're salaried and they just see this ceiling, but they don't ever think that they can break through it. And it was really quite upsetting, to be honest, because I just thought, what a shame that people have that mentality. But so many people have that mentality. And we kind of all have it unless somebody tells us that it doesn't have to be that way. And I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be that way. And you can do what it is that you love every day if you want to. But so many people then are thinking, well, what do I do? You know, I love walking dogs, I love being with my dogs. Is that something that I can do? Yeah, of course it is. One quote that struck me recently was purpose hides within your pain. Now, when you hear that, it really makes you realize that actually what your purpose is is something that you have struggled through. So my purpose was to create a place that people loved working. They felt supported, they felt seen, heard, they enjoyed working and they felt respected by their boss. Because my pain is that I have had situations where I have not had those things, and I want to create that for other people. So you can see really clearly there, what is painful for you can become your purpose, and you can really turn that into anything. So let me explain that a little bit further. I have had situations in the past, and obviously we're talking years ago now, but I remember from being um like 16 working in a salon, and the owner of the salon had her own things going on, you know, but I can specifically remember some of the things that she used to say to me that stick with me probably even now. I remember like going to Top Shop and being really excited that I got this dress in the sale and showing her this dress, and she was like, Well, what size is that? I said, Oh, it's a six. And she went, Oh, I prefer not to squeeze into my dresses. And I thought, Oh, okay. And little comments like that just built up and up and up over time. And what happens when they build up and up and up over time is they chip away at you. And that started to happen, and I thankfully was mature enough in my own mind at that young age to realize that this was a her problem and not a me problem. And I stepped away from that situation, I went and worked somewhere else. Now, a lot of people are in situations way worse than that, and that is what becomes your purpose. So think of something that you have been through that you don't want anyone else to experience, and that becomes your purpose. You might have traveled to Ethiopia on a trip and been building schools or giving supplies kids there that don't have enough. And when you've come away from that trip, you felt like this is my purpose now. I need to give back, I need to go back there, I need to help this community out. That can then become your purpose. So really think about exactly what it is that has pained you in the past and think about how that can turn into your purpose. When you have your purpose, you match it with your passion, and that is how you find out what it is that you want to do. So, with this in mind, think about now what it is that you love to do. What do you, what are you really good at? What are you really good at that people just say, wow, how did you just do that? How are you so good at that? It can be something that is so small to you, but it will be so big to others. Often, when something comes naturally to you, you don't see it as a big deal that you are good at that thing because it just comes naturally to you. So why is it such a big deal? Actually, that small thing could be turned into a big business. Look at Mrs. Hinch, right? I have loved following her for years, and she has a fantastic story. And I've read her book as well, and she basically went through years of having like body dysmorphia, and she'd had a gastric band fitted, and she had loads of complications from it. And something that she found so much joy in was cleaning. And she thought, I'm just gonna put a few videos online. She didn't show her face or anything to begin with, unless she had like crazy filters on and things like that. And she just used to blitz her house in all these fun ways that people hadn't seen before online, and she started posting videos about it. Now she is very good at cleaning, she's excellent at cleaning, and she probably thought, so what? All I'm doing is cleaning, but she just thought it was a bit of fun and posted some videos online. But people like me who need inspiration when it comes to cleaning, like I enjoy it, but I don't get the same buzz from it that she does. I haven't got the same thought process to use Zephora in my bin to make it smell nice. I then am interested in this and I am finding it actually quite therapeutic to watch as well. And I'm interested to the point where I am following her page, I've read her books, I've bought the products, like I have invested in her because I have found so much joy from that. And that is something as simple as cleaning. So really think about what it is that you enjoy and you're good at and start to leverage on that. And then when you can match that with your passion, you have hit the jackpot. And honestly, I don't say that lightly, you really have found the jackpot in life because to live a great life, in my opinion, is to feel fulfilled. And the way that you feel fulfilled is by doing what you love. If you can spend more time doing what you love and less time doing what you don't love, then you will live a happier life. And who doesn't want that? For me, for example, I was good at doing hair. Like it came, did it come naturally to me? Maybe not, but I worked really hard at it and eventually I became really good at it. And then the more that I was good at it, the more that I enjoyed it, and I loved obviously speaking to clients and that side of it. So going back to what my purpose was was creating a place for people to work where people felt respected and happy and enjoyed coming in every day, that matched with my love for hair, meant opening up a salon. It didn't really match to an online training academy, which was what I thought I wanted to do, because I just saw the pound signs at the time and I saw all these people making all this money, and I thought, oh my God, I want to start an online training academy and teach people how to do blondes because actually that's what's going to make me so much money. But that never actually, that idea never came into fruition because it didn't have purpose behind it, it didn't have love behind it. It was more just a pound sign, it was a paycheck. It didn't have my purpose behind it. Whereas the salon has my purpose behind it. It has love behind it, it has passion, it has energy because that is what is so important to me every day. And even though now I don't do hair anymore, it doesn't actually matter because hair was just the thing that got me there. The next thing that I would really recommend you doing, so you've thought about what your pain is, you have thought about what you're good at and what you enjoy. The next thing what I would recommend is try and find somebody who models what it is that you think you want to do or is doing what you're what you what you want to do. Try and find that person and just look at them, look at what they're doing, listen to their interviews if they're on podcasts, things like that, watch their YouTube videos if they're on YouTube. Try and get a little bit more of an understanding of this person's life. And if you can, message them. Just reach out to as many people as you can who are doing the thing that it is that you want to do. Because the more that you can get an understanding of exactly what it's like to do that thing, you will know whether or not you want to do it. For me, for example, had I have reached out to multiple salon owners, I would have had a lot more of an understanding of exactly what it takes to be a salon owner than gone in quite naively. I did have a few friends who had salons who I could speak to, so I definitely did have a good bit of background, but I don't think I had enough of a background of actually what could have really helped me. But honestly, at that point, social media wasn't quite the same as what it is now, things were a little bit different. But right now, while you have the world at your fingertips, find the person that's doing the thing that you want to do, reach out to them, ask them some questions, and just observe exactly what they're doing. And the more you do that, the more you're gonna realize, oh, actually, that isn't for me, that life actually doesn't look like what I would want to do. Or on the flip side, you're thinking, yeah, that is exactly what I want to do. I'm gonna follow in that person's footsteps and listen to their advice that they give and look at the mistakes that they've made and actually where can I learn from those as an observer as well. The worst that somebody can say to you if you reach out to them is no or not get back to you. Not getting back to you is actually not as bad as saying no, but the worst that somebody can say is no. And all that I personally would take that as is fuel for when you're in that position that you want to be in and someone messages you to ask how you did it, you will be the person to reply. I know that if somebody messaged me and asked me, I would be able to say, go and listen to my podcast. All the information is on there, you know. So I just think it's really helpful to help people, but I'd really, really think try and look for the person that you want to emulate. For example, I love Emma Greed, right? I love listening to her podcast, I love what she's created, I find her really inspirational and extremely interesting and just incredible what she's done. If I look at her Instagram for long enough, if I read her book for long enough, if I listen to all of her interviews for long enough, I don't want her life. Like I absolutely do not want to be in charge of that big of a company and that many people and see my kids as less as what she says. Like, I'm not looking at her from a perspective of, I want that life. And I've made that very clear for myself. Actually, I just look at it from admiration and I can take little bits from her life that I can then apply to mine to make mine a bit better. So that has been a little short episode, but short and sweet, and I am sure that you have got some amazing takeaways from it. So, first things first, find your pain point where you will find your purpose. Think about what you love doing and what you're really good at, and then try and find the person who's already doing it. Once you've done those three things, I really think that you'll be one step closer to finding your dream job and exactly what it is that you want to be doing. And stop limiting yourself. Stop giving yourself limiting beliefs that it's not possible. Stop telling yourself that you can't do something. Start telling yourself that you can, believe in yourself because who else is going to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? And just enjoy the journey. The journey is often a lot more fun than the destination, anyway. So just enjoy the process of dreaming and doing and start making some steps to be able to do what you love every day. I hope you've loved that episode and I will see you soon. Thank you so much. All the details how to find me are down below. And like, rate, subscribe, and tell me find, I would really appreciate it. Bye.