Aren't Ya Tired of Bad Advice

Why is there so much bad career advice and life advice out there?

In this episode of Aren’t Ya Tired Of…, Patti and Mark unpack how advice is everywhere—from social media and podcasts to friends, coworkers, and online “experts.” But more advice doesn’t always lead to better decisions. The key is using your own personal algorithm to filter out what fits and what doesn't fit you. They explore three keys for evaluating advice: is it credible, relevant, and aligned with your values and goals? And, is it true?

Advice can be a wonderful gift and essential for growing and reaching your goals- even advice that may not be what you wanted to hear.

If you struggle with too much information, direction, and advice from the world, this episode will help you design your own filter so it's not so overwhelming.

Please subscribe and share this with anyone who needs to hear this conversation! Follow us on Instagram at arentyatiredof_social.  Send your topic suggestions to podcast@pattibjohnson.com or through DM on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well, hello, and welcome to the Aren't You Tired Of podcast. This is a podcast about things that we are tired of and what we're going to do about it to fix it and make us get into a position where we can work and live better.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Better.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Yes. Yes. Thanks for joining us today. So I'm your co-host, Mark Benton, and I'm here with my other co-host.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Patty Johnson. Hello, fellow co-hosts.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Oh my gosh. I'm so excited for today's conversation because we're going to be talking about something that every single one of us has experienced. And that is, aren't you tired of bad advice? Right. So this is advice that sounded smart at the time, but it ended up being dumb. It was dumb. Right. It was dumb. Advice that sounded motivating, but then it ended up sucking the life out of you, like fully just draining you. Advice that may have been good and given with good intentions, but later we found ourselves with bad outcomes.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Yeah. Not good.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Yeah, yeah. But here's the gag. In today's conversation, what we're going to do is we're going to actually flip this conversation and do two things. One, we're going to talk about how do you know if advice is good. Yeah. Right? Is it good advice or is it bad advice? And then uh before we end our time, I want each one of us to talk about advice that we've received in our lives that, you know, really changed us. It was game changing, it stood the test of time, and it really changed how we lead, how we care about others, how we live today. So what do you think about this topic today?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Yeah, I think this is really important right now because we are bombarded with, like you said, advice we ask for.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Advice we really don't want, but here it comes. So I think this is really important to talk about that filter and how you assess if it is it good or bad. What I do with this, all this information.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah. Well, good, good. I'm I'm I'm glad you're you're on the same page with me because I think this is gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Agree.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

So, you know, listeners, sometimes we like to start with a little quiz quiz. Quizzy quiz. A little quiz quiz. So we're gonna start off and, you know, Patty, let's let's throw a couple of quizzy quiz questions out there to help someone know uh if they're not already tired of bad advice, maybe they should be.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Maybe they should be. Okay, here you ready. Okay, guys. Question number one: Do you ever find yourself asking for advice only because you don't have the self-confidence to make a decision on your own? Question number one.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yeah. Second question Have you ever stayed in a job or a situation because someone told you, just be grateful that you have the stability and the opportunity, but then you're like, but I'm not really grateful.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Uh number three, have you ever been told just trust your gut? But your gut was a mess of fear, insecurity, and you know that the Tums isn't going to help it, right? Is it's just it's a mess, and your gut's not helping. Wait, did you say Tums like Tums and Pepto?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Because you were trying to fix the gut. That's the best way to do it. Okay. Um, are you highly influenced by what you hear on social media or an ad that promises to solve all the things? So you try you bought it, you tried it, it was a waste of time, it was a waste of money, and you just felt stupid, and then you're like, I'm not gonna tell anybody I did this.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

I did that.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Okay, question number five Do you ever follow advice because you secretly need approval from others?

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Okay. Um so if you answered yes to two or three of those questions, then my friends, you might be prone to taking bad advice and you're probably tired and ready to do something about it. Yes. Some hopeful. Yes, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

So I think what we're we're thinking about today, if you've noticed, we're not talking about just advice that your best friend's giving you. We're talking about all the advice out in the world today. Okay. So you're you're following someone on Instagram, on TikTok, and they're giving you the advice that's the algorithm has like got it right at you. Yeah. Right. So you have got to have a filter. It otherwise it is way too much. So, as an example, um, a friend of mine was talking about a new mom who now back in in my day, you had the book that said what to expect the first year. And you're going, mm-hmm, okay, reading it, you know. Maybe mom was telling you, okay, yeah, looks like he's doing good. Now here's how you do it. Well, now a new mom is following 10 different influencers on Instagram, is on looking on TikTok, and all of a sudden, instead of you're looking for advice. What's the purpose of advice to help you make a better decision, make you feel calmer, more confident that it's not happening because of that the it's increasing the anxiety of, oh my gosh, yeah, well, I need to be doing this and I'm not doing that, and this baby's ahead of my baby, and it it's it's not helpful. And advice, why do we ask it for advice? It's to help us make better decisions and live our life better. And so I think of it a little bit like if y'all have ever been at the beach and you have one of the, I can't remember what they're called, but like a little sieve, like you've got one of those little things and then you're trying to get the seashells and you're shaking it and you're listening you're letting the sand fall through to keep the sh seashell. Or if you've ever been to I don't know, you're probably not you probably don't want to go. Panning for gold. I was gonna say, I knew you were gonna go there. I was going to in Colorado, you know, we did it in Jackson Hole, you're shaking it, looking for you're gonna make it, you're gonna strike a rich, right? You're gonna get the gold. Right. But that mindset is kind of what we're talking about today because when you are bombarded, social media, yeah, family, friends, um you've got podcasts, you've got like us, okay. I have to make it.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

This is a good podcast, though.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

We yeah, we want you to listen to us. Right. Don't put us through the sip.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Don't put don't pan for gold on us.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah, we are the gold, right? Okay. Right. Anyway, but that mindset is what I think really helps you because you can't take everything in from every source. It's just it's not gonna be useful. Yeah. Yeah. Not gonna be useful.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

It's not. You know, um, you and I were talking, Patty, and there was um, you know, there's this this whole thing of how we used to get advice, right? And how we now get advice. You were kind of talking about that a little bit. Remember that conversation?

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yeah, well, I think back in the back in the 1900s. 1900s, the 1900s. It sounds like it's gonna get worse, isn't it? I know. But you know, back then, advice was probably from someone who knew you. Yeah. And they're sitting with you and they're they're giving you some wisdom. You might not have wanted it, but it was much more targeted to you versus a lot of the other advice, quote, targeted advice you're getting is By the algorithm. By the algorithm. They don't know you. They don't know if this advice fits or not, but it's it is coming your way. Yeah. And so I think the um the change has been, I I think some people that you know, you're young enough, you don't really remember that. But I do think even in the last eight, uh ten years, certainly five years, it it's gotten ten times ten times more. And so that change is is putting this need to even be more have that filter really working for you, yeah, um, even more important.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah. I'm sitting here thinking um about what you're saying, and it's like the whole thing of my own personal algorithm. What is that?

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Right. Because what what you were saying, and you know, for those of us that, you know, were were born maybe in the nine in the 1900s, um yeah, I had, you know, my mom, my dad, my grandmother, you know, some you know, friends, uh teacher, someone that I could go and get advice from. There was no social media, there was no internet, and those individuals, they had an opportunity to observe me and they knew who I was, they knew, you know, what I liked, what I didn't like for the most part, they knew my gifts and my gaps. And so that advice, you know, from those trusted people uh and people that, you know, were you know in my life, I'm sure the same for you. Their advice, whether it be, you know, good, bad, or indifferent, it was targeted and it could be focused, and I could seek them out. It could still be bad though. It could still be bad. It could still be bad. It's just I think what you're not right.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Not right, bad is dramatic, baby, but the it's just the scope of where of what was coming our way was a lot smaller. Yeah. It was a great way of saying it.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

It was the scope of what it was. So now I think our listeners, and depending on if you were born in the 1900s or just after that, uh, 1900s. So you have people that you might go to and trust, and you have the algorithm, you have the social media coming at you with try this, do this. This is what's cool, this is what's smart, this is what and so what how do you know how to filter through what is good or bad advice?

SPEAKER_01 9:52

And even uh with AI and chat, you and I both use Chat GPT all the time. Yeah. But even then, I like me, you'll see things like that doesn't really fit. No, that doesn't work. So even when you think I am pulling from the source, right? I'm going to get the answer. Yeah. Even then you gotta use that filter.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Yeah. Well, you know, I'm thinking about just in my day-to-day, and as I'm learning more about artificial intelligence and, you know, algorithms are a form of that, and social media is built on that and when we're interactive. But it's it's interesting because you said, well, we know, well, some of our listeners may not know this, but you know, artificial intelligence, you know, Chat GPT, Copilot, whatever you're using, Claude, whatever, it hallucinates.

unknown 10:39

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

It doesn't know you, and it's it's leaned in based on all the other data that it's getting to tell you ask it a question, and it's gonna be bright and shiny and say, excellent question, Patty. You're a star. That's an excellent question. How smart you are.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

You have got you're on the right track, Patty. When I might not be You might not be on the right track. I'm not even on a track.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yes. I'm not even on a track.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

No, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Well, here's the thing though there's a theme here that I think is so interesting about yes, these, you know, the tools and the social and all the things it's good. It's it's great, but it has to come through a filter, a human filter. Yes. And so it goes back to seeking advice if you're solely relying on an inadimate thing that a lot of people are pouring thoughts into and it's disseminating, uh not good. Yeah. Might not be good. It needs a filter.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

That's our word of this podcast, I think, is filter.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Filter, yeah. So, you know, as we kind of think about this whole shift in like, you know, how we used to get information and then now where we are currently in our world, there's all this social, you know, there are um you and I talked about like, you know, maybe some questions, key questions that you can start to ask yourself about to filter, is it good advice? No matter where it comes from. So um I um we talked about this, so I'm gonna share the first, what I'll call the first big question. Sure. And as you're taking in advice, is the advice about you or is the advice about them very important? Can it be trusted? You know, I I think that is so key because like for those of us that, you know, have to, you know, teach other people or we work with leaders about giving feedback, you know, feedback they say is a gift. Well, who is the gift for, right? Are are you giving me this feedback because you're trying to help me? Or is this really you're trying to hurt me, you know, or whatever. Like who is giving the the the advice, you know, and so is it about them or is it about you? And it reminds me, I um was watching this series on Netflix called Platon. No, it's not on Netflix, it's on um Apple TV called Platonic. I've got to watch it. It is so it's so funny. So it's Seth Rogan and Rose Byrne, and they are college friends who, you know, I don't think they ever dated, but they're they're friends, they're platonic friends. And uh Seth Rogan's character is getting married, and so they're having a bachelor party. So Rose's character and Seth's character, they're getting together, and they have a friend come in from out of town, and the friend, his nickname is Wildcard.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Wildcard guy for a bachelor's.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Yeah, he's he's the right one. But when he came in, he started like, you know, giving all this advice, and this is what you should be doing, and you know, talking about all these things. And I was like, his name is Wildcard. So I mean, you know, if you're getting advice, is it coming from Wildcard?

SPEAKER_01 13:49

If it's coming from Wildcard, you might I don't that's not gonna be good.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

I don't know if that's good.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Wildcard, you know. Well, you know, and one other thing that you mentioned um is I'm sure Wildcard, his intentions were good, but we maybe we bring ourselves to any advice we give. And that's true for anybody. Like if we're asking for advice, that's true, that person's bringing themselves. So even if your example, they may not be trying to undermine you. Yeah. It's just yeah, I'm gonna bring all my experiences, I'm gonna bring what's in, you know, in my life. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Bring it in. That's right. Well, well, as the advice giver, you have a responsibility, is what you're saying. Don't be wild card. Don't be a wild card. Don't be a wild card.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Don't be a wild card. We don't want it. Don't do it, don't do it. We don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Can't want it. Can't want it. What about uh your big question? If you're thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Right. I think is one of the big things is is it timely? Is it relevant? And is it true? And I think um I want to start, I'm gonna just touch on the true thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Because I mean, think of all the stuff we've been talking about here.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Of is it true? You gotta think there, especially with your anonymous places that you're getting advice. Yeah. You know, if you're getting like, you know, last night I'm getting these, if you don't get this pillow, your neck's gonna be broken in about a few months.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Yeah, you're gonna be sleep deprived and then your neck's gonna be kind of die. Yeah, it's gonna be bad. Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Well, but where's that coming from? Well, it's coming from somebody, an influencer who is promoting the pillow. So that's a silly example, but um, it's not it's it happens. And even the other thing that happened to me, you probably bought that pillow.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

You probably have it.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

I better have it. I better have it.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Yesterday, the algorithm knew that I am uh I've been I'm Cowboys fans. Yeah, y'all. I've I mean, I've given up on the Cowboys. I hate to say, I shouldn't say that publicly. My the my boys are gonna, you know, they're gonna be calling me right now. But so I have a lot of other teams I like. I like the Chiefs. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I've been kind of watching, and I, you know, the algorithm knows I like the Chiefs. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh TikTok, which half the time on TikTok, you get stuff, but it's not true. Christian McCaffrey, who's like, for those of you who aren't football people, he's like the top running back. Okay. Yeah. The Chiefs have have traded for Christian McCaffrey. I'm like, oh my God. You were like, oh my word. They're going to be great next year. It's going to be great. So I quickly had to go over, look over to Google, check news for Christian McCaffrey. Okay. No, there is no news. It's all, it's not true.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

It's not good advice.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

And that's a silly one. Where and I say that, but the behavior is true.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

You saw it, I knew it was weird. And you were like, Is it congruent?

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Yeah. It's what you were saying. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

So I do think for um when you're taking in and assessing information with your filter, that's going to be step one.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Is it true? Where was the source? Just because somebody said it doesn't mean it is true. That's right. You know, so you've got to, even somebody, there's like, you know, brand name people out there that are saying stuff that is just not true. So I think that's step one in your filter.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

We got to pause real quick.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

So first of all, I think the first big question we said was, you know, is the advice about them or is it truly about me? And then you're talking about is it relevant? Is it um relatable? Is it, you know, connected? Is it true? Is it true? Is it true? And what you did was you got information and then you went and checked another source. But the source you went to that most of us can trust that's going to be unbiased, is the Google. Well, depending and again, you gotta look where I thought there was nothing there on that.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

So new. Yeah, there was nothing there. It's not it's not true.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

But you could also call a human.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

That yeah, maybe. If you got the right human on the other end, they might they might say, Yeah, I think they did Knam. So that is uh that that's step one. I think also like um, is it timely and relevant? Yeah, and I'll mention a couple of things there, and this is true and as a parent, you know this. I experienced it, you did too. Sometimes parents will give advice that fit their situation. So those of us, yeah, we're gonna say those of us who are 50 plus, you have friends who, when it comes to career, yeah, they started at one company and they worked their way up, stayed with it, stayed loyal, got the retire, or they're gonna retire from there. Yeah, they're gonna get some people are getting a pension these days. What the heck? Okay. A pension. That mindset, who I mean, who has that? So, but that mindset of you stay loyal and then you will earn your gold prize at the end. Yeah. Well, when it comes to careers, if you grew up in that environment and you're giving advice to your 24-year-old, yeah, let me tell you, it's a whole different world. Yeah, and it just doesn't fit. So back to is it relevant? Is it is it timely?

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Probably no. That doesn't mean as a parent there's not some like there's something in there. What advice? Maybe how to build a good relationship with your manager. Yeah. Okay, they got that. Yeah. The other thing I would say in terms of relevance, I'm I'm kind of relying on career here, is if that's a good example. Have been in, you've worked in a an accounting firm, let's say, for 15 years and done very well there. And I am a creative digital artist. And you're telling me this is how it works, this is what you need to do. Yeah. Based on your experience in that industry, it just not the same. There's a lot of freelancers, it's just a whole different game. Yeah. So back to the filter. Yeah. Is it true? Is it relevant? And is it timely? Yeah. It doesn't mean that if you're talking to a human, that you disregard everything they say. That's right. But there might be some things. Now, when it comes to our online advice, then especially is it true? You might need to go.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Yeah, you need to triangulate a bit, is what we talk about in my work environment. Like, you know, check some other sources.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Right? Ones that, let's, as we kind of recap here, right? That can be trusted. It's it's about, not about them.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

You know, not it's not for clicks.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

It's not for clicks, right? I'm not, you know, I'm not getting paid for this. Oh, exactly. Right. And then is it relevant? Is it timely? Can it be trusted?

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Right? I love that.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Um, there's another big question. Does this advice that you're getting or the information you're receiving, does it align with who you are, who I am, my values, my goals, my my wellness, even.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Uh, you know, I in my feeds, you know, I'll get a lot of things because I'm I'm obviously looking at, you know, healthy lifestyles and and you know, eating well and all these things. And so when I say, you know, not only does it align with who I am, my values, my goals, my wellness, is I'll get all kinds of things that, oh, um, if you're, you know, this or that and you're on this med or that med, you know, take these gummies. You know, they're they're gonna give you all the nutrients you need. Not those gummies. Not those gummies. I don't want to have to pay anybody, so I'm not gonna say the name of the gummies. Don't say it. Don't say it. Yeah, take these gummies. You know, they're nutrients. It's like eating a whole fistful of broccoli, and I'm like, that's disgusting. Yeah. But I bought them.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Well, I'm gonna need to hear about those after this is over.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

I'm gonna tell you what, it didn't help my wellness. It did not help my wellness. In fact, it probably bumped up against who I am and my values.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Let me tell you. But anyway, I will tell you that does the advice align with who you are, your values, your goals, and your wellness? You know, it's important to point out that initially, when you get this advice and we're putting it through the right filters, it may not feel great. Exactly. Right? It may take you out. Out of your comfort zone. It may be um advice that makes you step back and evaluate, but you know, listeners and Mark, it doesn't mean it's bad.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

You you it may not feel good, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:16

But it doesn't mean and I don't know about you, but I think about some of the best advice I've gotten. Yeah. I didn't really love it at the time.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah. Some of the best advice I've gotten didn't feel great at the time.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Right. Because you want what you want. Yeah. I want you to give me easy advice. I don't have to do anything hard. You know, and that it's funny, this kind of reminds me, this is a little bit of a bunny trail, but it reminds me, we talk about advice that makes you uncomfortable. Yeah. I don't know if any listeners, if y'all have read The Uncool by Cameron Crow.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

I love Cameron Crowe.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

He it's he it's a great book. He does good work. And he is, for those of you that don't know, he is a really successful writer of like amazing, like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, uh, Jerry Maguire, almost famous. Um, and this book is kind of his life story, but it really features when he was this young writer at the Rolling Stone magazine, at Rolling Stone magazine. And it it talks about, I mean, he has all these interviews with these amazing artists at the time.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

You know, uh Bob Dylan and Joni Mitchell and the Eagles when they were starting out. So Todd Rungren, on and on and on, Alman Brothers. And so he's built, he's like a kid. He's like 17 years old. The story's amazing. Teenager. Teenager. On the road, yeah. On the road, and he's building up these, you know, uh this relationships, and it's a beautiful story.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

But he told the story of he had finally got, you're gonna, guys, it's I'm gonna bring this back. This is relevant. So hang with me here. Yeah, yeah. He wanted to interview Led Zeppelin, and so he finally gets Jimmy Page did not want to do the interview with Rolling Stone. He finally gets him to do it. After, like, as a kid, though, it's probably tried for two plus years. Yeah, it becomes a cover. Led Zeppelin is on the cover of Rolling Stone. It's one of the best-selling issues. He is on Cloud9. He thinks he has reached the pinnacle.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

And he is now, he will be has success that you'll he'll just it'll never top this.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

So he's over the moon, and then Jan Werner, who was the founder, co-founder of Rolling Stone magazine and and editor at the time, calls him in and says, I just want you to know that article was not a quality article that you wrote.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

And he's like best-selling articles of all time. It was a you know bestseller.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

And he in this, so the editor goes on to say, you basically repeated whatever the band wanted you to write. As an artist and as a writer, it's your job to interpret the story, tell give your perspective. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you experience? That's what it means to be a great writer. Wow. And he talked about the time he was devastated.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Probably pissed.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Yes, I'm sure he was. Yeah. And he already thought he had just had the biggest success, goes home, is so depressed. But he talked about it was the best advice he ever received, and it really shaped him as a writer going forward. And he said he still thinks of it today. And I don't know how Cameron Crow, he's probably 60s. But it's a great story. I thought, you know, when we were talking about advice, yeah. Yeah, it just stuck out because I just finished that book. And at the time I was thinking, you know, that's a really important lesson for all of us. Yeah. Because he could have ignored it. I got success. Yeah. I did great. Yeah. It was the, you know, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

You don't know. But he he took it in, accepted it, even though it made him very uncomfortable. And like you said, who gave the advice? Jan Warner, who was the he's the big guy at Rolling Stone. He was the co-founder. He was the editor. So it's the equivalent of the CEO at a company calling you in and saying it really wasn't that good. Yeah. I know you got a lot, I got a lot of acclamation, a lot of applause.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

But what happens is I love this because, you know, let's let's pretend that we, you know, were talking to Cameron Crowe right after he got that.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Did where was the advice coming from? Was it about Jan, the his his boss, or was it for Cameron's betterment?

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah. Okay. Both, I think, because uh I think um listen to me, I'm now I'm psychoanalyzing these people. Well, yeah, I don't know. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

We're just gonna go there because it's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

My speculation is uh the editor did it because he wanted the quality of the writing to be better, but he also knew how talented this young writer was and thought you you you're gonna have to learn this to go on and be successful.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Well, it's both balance, but it's a balance. Yes, it is it's a balance. I love that. And then, you know, let's think about in that situation, Cameron Crow, you know, was probably sitting there, but but did did he respect him? Was it timely? Was it relevant? Could he trust that what he was saying? At some point he probably got to that, right? Yeah. And it did make him feel uncomfortable, you know. It probably, you know, made him angry, but that's where he was.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

I know. Very, very good, very good, I think, relevant, you know, application of what we've been trying to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yeah. So if you're trying to figure out, I think just to kind of put a bow on all these things that Mark and I have been talking about, is what are some kind of common ways you can filter and decide, is this good advice or is it not? And I think does it come from a place of knowledge and experience? Um, I also think that something, and this is you talking about just the story we were just talking about, does this person have my best interest at heart?

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

And that's why, you know, we talk about lot with parents, yeah, with siblings sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Those that sometimes that's the one you resist the most.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Mom, come on. Yeah. We don't want to hear that. But if that person is coming, has your best interest at heart, doesn't mean everything they say to you is right. Yeah. But it might be, what are they trying to say to me?

SPEAKER_02 28:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

What is the underlying message?

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Is it timely? Does it fit my situation? Yeah. Does it help me be a better person?

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

You know, all those things. Does it the other thing that I think is very important, does it nudge accountability?

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Because often we are so good at you need to be doing that, and you need me doing that. We are the best at knowing what everybody else needs to be doing, but our own accountability, yeah, it's hard. And if and sometimes advice will make you uncomfortable, it will also push you, like this is what you need to do. And so I think if any of those things are true, then it it means there's something there for me. And I think rarely advice, I don't ever think of advice as prescriptive. Like Mark, you need to go do this, this, this, this.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

It's more directionally, I'm trying to say something to you.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Um, and you know, we can have our whole separate episode on giving good advice, I suppose. That's another topic.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

I think so. I think we could. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

But I think, you know, for you know, if you can kind of figure out like where is this coming from and how does it fit me, even though even if you might need to do a little translation.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Yeah. I I I think so. I definitely think so. Though those are all good. And as I was listening to you, um, I was going through in my head, and it it makes me a little emotional because I'm thinking about advice that I got in my life.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

And I the advice that I got from, you know, my mom, you know, who's passed away, and my grandmother, and you know, from my dad and and other people, that has stuck with me to this day. And maybe at the time I rolled my eyes or I kind of flew by it, but the the wisdom that the ancestors gave me, right? It it is it has held the test of time, no matter what, in my life.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

I and and I think you're bringing up an important thing there, and that is about people who have your best interest at heart.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

Is um it may not be literal, but they're what were they trying to say to me? It's beautiful to have that and to have that memory. Yeah. Um, and and not advice can be one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, really.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

It's good.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

Really good.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

So do we want to talk about the advice that's changed us?

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yes, I'd like to before I spiral down in the house.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

How did I get it?

SPEAKER_00 31:08

A little bit of memory lane.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

A little bit. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

Yeah, no, this is a part of the conversation that, you know, I've really been looking forward to. And um, you know, being able to share some advice that I've gotten in my life that I want to share with others and hopefully. That was good. It was good. Oh, it was good. It was good advice. And I'll and I'll tell you why here. So here, let me set it up for you real quickly. So uh I was working at this company and we were having like a leadership retreat, and we'd, you know, gone off somewhere, um, somewhere great, it was like Lake Tahoe, somewhere like that. And the editor-in-chief of a really famous magazine was speaking to us about thinking out of the box and you know, um being bold with change. And one of the people in attendance asked this leader, and it kind of I think he was kind of scripted, and it threw him off the question. And it was like, Well, what is good leadership look like? And so he paused and he thought for a minute.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Hard question.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Yeah. And um he thought for a minute and then he says, Well, I I don't know. And I remember the moment just like I was still there, and he said, Well, all I can really tell you is that at the end of the day, people want to know if they're following you or they're taking advice from you, can you be trusted? Do you care about them and are you willing to help them? Can you be trusted? Do you care about them and if you're willing to help them? And out of all I don't remember anything else he talked about, but that has stuck with me years ago. Oh. More 15, 18 years now? Wow. And what it has become is my whole philosophy around leadership, you know, lead on purpose, trust, empathy, and service. Right. And it is the way I think about leadership, it's the way that I try to navigate through life. Whenever I'm coaching someone, I come back to the principles of in the situation, where's the trust? Where was the empathy, and where is the willing to help the service? And so, yeah, I mean, that that gentleman doesn't even know how impactful what he said was to me, but it was some of the great advice I didn't ask for that I received.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Love that. And lesson to all of us little small sentences, little things you say just can have a big ripple effect and you don't even know it. Yeah, it's true. I think that's extraordinary.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

How about you? What is some good advice that that changed you?

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Oh goodness. I've I've had been fortunate to have a lot of good advice. The if I had to narrow it down to I want to actually do two, Mark, but by the same person.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

That's okay. That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

I had the good fortune to kind of be a little bit mentored by someone who's a nationally known person, uh, very been very successful in multiple businesses. And the thing she said to me one day, I was I was starting to, I had started my business, but I wanted to take it to the next level and I wanted to write a book. I had all these big dreams. Yeah. And she said to me, Ain't nobody coming. I'm like, okay, what she meant. Yeah. And she went on to explain no one is going to come rescue you. No one's going to come save you. You are going to have to figure it out yourself. Yeah. And don't expect anything except that. And it was kind of like it's funny. I kind of knew it, but it was like you're talking about a message of accountability.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Yeah. Like that was a nudge.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

You are at the plate. Yeah. Right. If you're doing something like starting a business or trying to do something different, you got to know.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

You got to rely on yourself and not that you don't get help from others, but you can't assume somebody's going to come knocking on your door. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Ain't nobody coming.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

Ain't nobody coming.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

It's up to you. Well, it goes back to, you know, in um in a previous episode where we were talking about change. It's a great story where you talked about one of your friends who um their child was going to a school that was really helpful to the child and and the family, and the school was going to close. Yeah. And your friend said, Well, if it's going to close, well, I can't let it close. So that means it must be up to me. Gotta do something. Ain't nobody else coming.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Ain't nobody else coming. And I think that uh for me gave it a little bit of a kick in the butt, honestly. Yeah. Of just you gotta do that. And the second thing, this is gonna be short. I know I just had one. No, but for her also was you gotta know your why and don't forget it. Now we hear that all the time. Know your why, your why. Yeah. And like I remember saying to her, um, I want to write a book.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Why? Well, it's on my bucket list. Why?

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Why?

SPEAKER_01 35:55

She did the typical for those of you that do the kind of work market I do, you know the five whys.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

And um, but she pushed me to really get down to, well, why do you want to do it?

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

And um, and then then you have your measure of success.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

You know, back to um, you know, um some of the other people that have really stayed true to, you know, knowing their why. Yeah. Um and I think those two things probably those are big ones.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Those are big. Those are big and great.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Yeah, they're big and great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

I love that. I love that. I think we've done good work with this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

I think we have.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

And hopefully. And I think, like I said, there's a lot of different tangents to it. We could talk about how you give good advice and all.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

Yeah. But we should. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

And we should. I hope so.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah, maybe we could talk about an episode where it's about giving good advice, and you know, maybe it's that's paired with maybe giving good feedback to people. You know, sure.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

That's on I know we got it. We both want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

That's right. So what is from this good conversation? What's what's your big takeaway? My big takeaway. Yeah, what are you taking away?

SPEAKER_01 37:09

My big takeaway is the flip of some of the things we've talked about, and that is to get good advice, you have to ask good questions.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

Oh, a powerful patty question.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

You do.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

Boom.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

And it just kind of has hit me as we're talking about this. Yeah. If you're rolling in, it's a little bit like asking the question of Chat GPT. You're gonna have useless information. Right. And I think asking the questions you need to know advice on.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Preach and teach, Patty. Go ahead. No, no, preach and teach. Preach and teach.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

I just think asking the right questions means you're going to a better chance of getting advice you can really take and use.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

And that probably, I'm gonna go in a limb and say asking the right questions probably isn't Mark, what should I do? Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

What should I do, Mark? Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Um, you know, you've got to be more specific. What am I looking for for you to help me with?

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

And I think if you can do that, you have a better chance. Talk about that filter. Yeah. That is a that is a human filter we can bring.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

In addition to just, you know, when you're looking for the the fool's gold, right? You know, maybe you need to make sure you're bringing the shaker.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

It's good. What's yours? Uh for me, it is the advice that you get may not feel good at the time.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

But it doesn't mean that it's bad advice.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

So important.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

That that really kind of sticks with me and is important, and I think about advice that I've gotten in my life that sometimes I had to go and walk away, you know, and think about. And at the end of the day, I might not have liked it, but it's made me better.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

You know, I think that's that's really important. It's really important.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Love it.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

Yeah. Well, um, like I said, I think we've done good work here.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Yeah. I think we've done good work in listeners.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

It is. Listeners, I hope um that you've enjoyed it. I I know that uh we really, when we we bring these topics, we're really, really thinking about something that you can use, you know, to help you work and live better. Um hopefully you've enjoyed this conversation and you're leaving a little bit less tired of uh bad advice and you know what to do about it. Yeah. Um, you know that we are not anti-advice. Advice is important and it's good. Very, yeah. Um, we are pro-advice. Advice is valuable and it's important, you know, that we seek out, um, as we like to say, wise counsel. Yeah. You know, but bring, as you just said, Patty, your unique filter and really be discerning. So well, listeners, if you enjoyed this conversation and would like to hear more conversations like this, you can find us on Spotify or Apple and just search for Aren't You Tired Of, and we're there waiting for you. Uh, you can also join the Aren't You Tired Of community on Aren't You Tired Of underscore social on Instagram. What else, Patty?

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Um, we would love it if you would subscribe. As Mark mentioned, subscribe, please leave a review. Yeah. Give us a rating, give us your feedback, questions. You can email us if you want to email us at podcast at patty b. Johnson, you can DM us, you can send us a message on LinkedIn. However, is easy. Um, some of you, we know you, you know, give us a call. Tell us, send us a text. Hey, this is a question. This is something we want you to talk about. I've already, we've already received some great input on topics that we're super excited about. So thank you, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

I'm I actually I'll tell you what, listeners, um, don't hesitate to reach out. Like, yeah, there's people we know that are following and and cheering us on and listening, but I've started to hear from some people I don't know. And they're like, hey, I'm I'm listening to you from California. And I'm like, hey, keep listening. Tell a friend.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Tell the friend. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Absolutely. Well, Patty, always I sometimes I forget, but I want to say thank you for you. Allowing me to have this time with you. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Same. All right. Thank you all. Have a great week.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Take care.