Always Putting Yourself Last: Why Am I Always Last on My Own List?

You show up for everyone else—but are you always at the bottom of your own list?

In this episode of Aren’t Ya Tired Of…?, Patti and Mark explore the habits and patterns of always putting yourself last—and the toll it takes on you. What looks like helpfulness or dependability can actually be driven by extreme responsibility, guilt, approval-seeking, and the pressure to make everything perfect - often at your own expense.

They break down how to recognize it, why it matters, and what to do about it—so you can stop running on empty and start showing up differently.

Because if nothing changes, you pay the price.

Please subscribe and share this with anyone who needs to hear this conversation! Check out Aren't Ya Tired Of on YouTube, and follow us on Instagram at arentyatiredof_social.  Send your topic suggestions to podcast@pattibjohnson.com or through DM on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well, hello. We are back, and we are talking about something that we perceive uh we might all be tired of. And that is with so many things going on in our lives right now, sometimes we end up putting ourselves last on our own to-do list. Right. And so, you know, today, listeners, as we're talking about this topic, uh, we want you to make sure that you're able to hear this conversation and take action in some of the following ways. One, um, notice where you might be defaulting to everyone else's priorities, right? And intentionally move yourself higher on your own list this week. Uh pause in real time and ask, uh, is this mine to take on before you automatically say yes? Um set a boundary, a visible boundary, something specific you'll say or you'll do differently and actually hold yourself on that boundary when tested. And you'll want to replace guilt with a practical reframe. Putting yourself first is not selfish. No, definitely. It's not selfish. It's how you stay effective and sustainable.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

So uh today uh we'd like to welcome you to this version of Aren't You Tired Of? Uh, the podcast where we talk about things that we're tired of and what we're going to do to get better, to thrive, to work, and live well. So I'm Mark Benton and I'm here with my co-host, Patty Johnson.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Hi, everybody. We're so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah. And, you know, Patty, I I will ask you this. Um when's the last time that um you like made a to-do list? When was the last time you did that?

SPEAKER_03 2:01

This morning.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

I make a to-do list all the time. But I think what you're talking about is, you know, our tactical to-do lists is okay. Boom, boom, boom. And I think there's a couple of layers of that. One is, is anything on that list related to you? And I think you're, yeah, I feel like I hear you giving these examples, it's also just the way you live your life. Am I at the bottom of the list? Is every time I'm thinking about what needs to be done and what's on my mind, yeah, is it well, I'll get to me in a minute.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah. Well, I I think one of the images that comes in my head is I, you know, I make a list and and I actually learned a technique that many of our listeners probably know too, is it's an integrated list. It might have work things on it, not all my work things, but my work things and my personal things, like maybe for the day or for, you know, in the next three days. And I have been notorious sometimes that I will scratch out my own personal thing or or move it down, right? Because I I put something else in front of it. For sure. And then I'm I'm not pleased with myself, you know, later when I'm like, you still didn't get done your own thing.

SPEAKER_03 3:08

Yeah. And you're bringing up to me, Mark, the if you lift it up. I mean, I think what we're trying to get at here is you are not placing your needs, your interests, your priorities high enough on the list. It's everything else. Everybody else. Yeah. And I think um, you know, I love the analogy of when we take a flight and you get the safety instructions.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

What is the first thing they say to you if you have to put oxygen on? Where do you put it? Yourself first. Yeah. Because you cannot help anyone else. You cannot do anything unless you take care of yourself. And I think for mental health awareness month, um, this is the month that we all talk about. And man, there is a toll if you do not put on your oxygen mask first. And it's physical and it's mental. And that's one of the reasons we want to talk about this this month is that if you are putting yourself last over and over and over again, you're going to pay a price for it. We want you to move up that list.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Yeah. You know, we want you to move up the list. We want you to move up the list because remember, our mission is about uh talking about things that we're probably tired of and how to come up with solutions, realistic, simple ways to help you work and live well. And if we're on message and we are on progress with that, uh, this would be an absolute topic that we are bringing because it's it's important to you and me, and and we're always talking about that. I know when we are, you know, having our planning conversations and talking, I always love, Patty, the way that you will say, Okay, I got a hard stop at this time because I'm going to do this thing. Yeah. Or I'm going to go do that thing. Because one of the things I've learned in in my career is that we all only have so much time in the day and in the course of life. And when you put something in front of something else, right, you don't get more time.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

No.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Right. So it's about the priorities. And, you know, a lot of times this topic about, you know, I'm not putting myself first, whatever, some people might code that as, you know, well, I do that because I'm a people pleaser.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Right. But I I don't know that being a people pleaser and then actually just not being on the top of your own list. Those two things are not the same.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

They're not the same. Yeah. I think there are a lot of reasons, and we'll talk about some of them. You know, why you always draw up to the bottom of your list. And I don't want you to picture Norx bringing up the people pleaser. I don't want you to picture somebody who's like, oh, I'm just here to serve you. I want, I want everybody else to be happy. There, that that is one of the reasons why. But it's also the high performer, uh the perfectionist. Like, I need your approval. I'm gonna keep working at it. Consequently, I'm so focused on your approving of me that I, my own needs, what matters to me is dropping, dropping, dropping down the list.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

So if I'm if I'm listening and learning deeply in this moment, that is what the people pleasing is about because it's putting other people's needs in front of my own. And and I do that maybe in a way um because actually, you know, the behavior, it might be because I'm getting something from it.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

Maybe maybe I'm getting something from it.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Right. But um I I do want to be clear that it's not the reason why you might be lower on your list. You might legit have something that again, we talked, you only have so much time. I'm prioritizing this thing over the other thing. Right. Right, because of prioritization for whatever reason. But what we want to take a step back and talk about is if you're constantly pushing your things down to the bottom of your list and not getting them done, what where is that leaving you? For me, it it really makes me frustrated. Yeah. Yeah, with myself. And then sometimes exhausted. And then sometimes I'm just plain, you know, tired because it sometimes I'll get mad at others. Yeah. It may not be them, or resent, it may not be them. It may be my own actions and behaviors, but I might displace it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

And I think and you said, like you said, think about the young parent, um, the person who is taking care of their parents and kids and or nieces, nephews, all those time can be a factor, but the the truth is you cannot keep yourself at the bottom list and keep going. So it almost you got to figure out a way to still get a breather for yourself. And I also think how many people, you know, 40 plus, you've been going uh nonstop for so long. And I'll have conversations, people like, I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. Like I know I need to do more for myself. Yeah, I have lost what is fun for me. I d I've been so busy, so life so full of obligations that I don't know the answer anymore. We hope you figure that out because that'll be an important part of moving yourself up the list.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Yeah. It's it's very important. And I think you brought up a point for those of us that you know have our parents, uh, you know, whether they're, you know, children that you know we were blessed with or children that we chose, when you start to pour into that responsibility, it is quite easy to, you know, make different decisions, right? You know, from when I didn't have children to having children now, I am very, very much in a different place where, well, no, I I can't put this thing for me first because, you know, you know, this one's sick or this one has something that they need to do. And that's important, you know, and and I signed up for this.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Sometimes you can't, right? You can't control that. But I think if that is the way you're living, of this uh managing everybody else's reactions, feelings, happiness, yeah. Um, that brings uh, you know, a term that you know we hear in mental health is emotional labor. And just the physical work of that, you have this invisible workload that is literally on your shoulders all the time. And sometimes it's out of obligation. Yeah. Sometimes it's out of I want approval. Yeah. Uh and sometimes it's because my situation calls, like you said, I am overwhelmed with all that I have in my life. Those all can be factors and putting yourself last, but you got to figure out what is causing me to do that and how do I deal with this this emotional labor?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Yeah. I I think that that term emotional labor is is really important because just think labor, right? Yes. You know, um, child labor. Um and when I say that, I mean like child birth.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

I've been through labor. So you don't act like you know because you know I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

I didn't say I do. I didn't say I do. But yes, labor. If you birthed a child, if you have given birth, right? That labor and that experience, right? So now emotional. Okay, so like I guess if you're out there and you've given birth, childbirth, right? Yeah, imagine now what that felt like and then the emotion of like, let me put that into emotion and the heaviness and the weight of all that emotional labor. I mean, that that's a really big one. And I think what happens is we we get into these patterns over time slowly, right? Where we let the emotional labor, it just starts building, building, building slowly, and we don't even know. And, you know, uh it's what we say yes to. And what we say yes to, I'm just thinking, you know, out loud here, it's not always people. It it might be situations and circumstances that we're saying yes to. And we've got to learn how to, you know, really take a step back and think about that, you know, because there's a cost to it.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Yes. And you made the comment when we were talking about this, that, you know, it you can also get rewarded for always doing that. Because I have found, I've had some of my girlfriends, we've had conversations about this. The sometimes the more competent you are, the more you get. Have you noticed at work? Wow, that person is killing it. Okay, and literally barely keeping their head above water, but they're doing it. Let's give them a little bit more. Yeah. In families, in friendships. You know, if you're the one that's always hosting, you're the one that's always asking the family over and you're always That's right. They they're good at it. That's right, uh so it's it can be, you know, kind of that vicious cycle that you're talking about of you've here you are, and and you've created it. It's creating that emotional labor, but yet it's just building. You're building on it, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Well, I mean, and some people, like I remember, you know, my sweet grandmother, she loved a good party. She loved to host a good party, and she loved doing it. And it was um, it was her, it was a gift. She she had a gift at giving a good party and hosting people and making everybody feel welcome. And she loved it, and but she that was her thing, right? That was Granny's thing.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

But there are some people out there that when you were just talking, I'm thinking, you know, I'm I'm the one that's always hosting the holiday dinner, you know, my sibling or are my friends, they won't do it. So it's gonna fall on me if it's gonna get done. What if you are feeling that way, you know, about said situation or holiday or whatever, that's your moment. That's your moment to say, do I?

SPEAKER_03 12:41

What matters to me? What matters to me? Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

Yeah. So I I just think about that. And you know, you used the term, you know, emotional labor. Um, but I think there is some anchoring that we can do between emotional labor and how how does that sit on you talked about like in a work setting or in other settings, um, the high performer.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

It could be in work in a corporate setting. Think about the player on the sports team that is exceptional and can do the things, the the toll that it might take on them because we need you to do all the things on the team. And the pressure's on you. You're doing the work. The pressure, that's the analogy. The pressure's on you. You're reliable, you're high performing, we can count on you. And I'm actually uh experiencing in my own, you know, uh world of you know, work where I have seen leaders say, and I'm tired.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I'm tired right now. You know, there's too much going on, the pace of change. Right. And they keep asking me to do more and putting more on me. And and so what those individuals have been saying to me is, gosh, I haven't been able to go and do this personal thing I wanted to do. Right. And then, you know, if you're, you know, like you were talking about earlier, younger kid, or have responsibilities for aging parents or or whatever, you just the things that you need to do and want to do to help build you and help you feel that things are progressing and moving forward, they just slowly keep going down.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

You know, and I think we're trying to say to you, let's look at all the situations that can cause you to be in that situation. If you're moving down the list, you're moving down the list. I think what we want to do is to help you think about okay, how do you pause and how do you hit reset? Because in all the situations we gave and the examples, hitting reset takes some energy and some work. And I think for me, the key to this discussion is if you are always looking outside in versus inside out, you're going to be exhausted. And that's what you have to change. Because I mean, when I say that, outside in means are you happy? Are you approving with what I'm doing? Am I are you know, are your your whole emotion is based on outside circumstances, outside people. It's not, it's outside in, not inside out. How do I feel?

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

Am I good with this? Do I have the time I need to refresh or do something I enjoy? Yeah, I think that is a good mental model. And what we're talking about, if you are outside an outside in world, if you are living in that world, you got to shift it. So it's more of an inside out. That's not a selfish thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

No, I am um if if you're listening to audio and can't see the video, I'm I'm looking at Patty so intently because I just am like, preach and teach, Patty. Preach and teach. Yes. Let me let me say something you said earlier, and you were talking about, I don't even know because I've been doing this so long and I'm trying to get back to me. I don't even know what I enjoy anymore.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

You know, and I'll be transparent. I I've been thinking that lately, like, how do I kind of get back and get some balance to some things? And but but what do I enjoy?

SPEAKER_03 16:02

Important to know the answer to that. Yeah. You know, and I think one of the questions you and I have laughed about is what did you enjoy when you were 10?

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Um, and you know, uh for me, I was listening to a lot of music even at 10. Uh, you know, I was riding my banana bike around town.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

With the banana seat.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

With the banana seats. Okay. Uh uh. Streamers.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

I was gonna say, didn't have the streamers.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Had the streamers, had a little basket with some flowers on it. You know, but being outside and running around with the friends and so on, you know, uh, and we that's a joke. We're kind of laughing. Yeah. But what did you love then? Because if you don't know, um, I think a part of hitting reset is not only finding the time, but what is it that's going to help me as well as being courageous enough back to you said on some of those examples of now's your time. Like I I may not do that this year. I'm not gonna be the host this year.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Mark, would you love to, cousin Mark? How about you? Would you like to host everybody?

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Um, and you know, you it's hitting reset, but you it's also knowing what matters to me. What do I want?

SPEAKER_00 17:16

Yeah. Yeah. You know? I I like what you're saying is it's to put yourself first and to take that step back. It's it's not selfish.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

It is not.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

It's not selfish. No. If it's done with the right intent, if if it's about, I have been giving, I've been giving authentically. I've been pouring in because I enjoyed it, but now I gotta step back and I gotta do a little something for me.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

Yes. That's a hard thing, I think, for people to in selfishness, you know, you can feel like no matter who you are, it could it could be like, but I gotta provide for my family. I've gotta uh I've gotta make sure that, you know, my dad's taken care of. All those things that are beautiful things that you want to do. It's not mutually exclusive. It doesn't mean, well, I can, you know, if I do those things, I can't do anything for myself.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Right.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

You know, and those two things are to me, they go together. And I'm curious, you know, this concept, we've heard it a lot, you know, servant leadership, give for to your community, all those things and that kind of that tension between that and feeling selfish. You know, how do you how do you put those two together?

SPEAKER_00 18:24

You know, I the whole tradition and thinking of, you know, uh servant leadership. We used to hear about it. Um, you know, if you're in a faith-based setting, they talk about, you know, servant leadership. And, you know, if, you know, uh they talk about um, you know, Jesus and he was a servant leader and and you know, and think about um, you know, other uh faith characters, you know, and how they taught and led and and all of that, and that servant leadership. And I think sometimes also I'll I'll speak to the listener that's that's you know hearing this and and they're like, yeah, I mean that that's a model, you know, because of my faith and what I believe, no matter you know, what that faith is, that that's who I'm supposed to be. But does it over-index itself? It can and be void. And and I'm wondering about it's not selfish to put yourself first. And so instead of servant leadership, I'm just wondering about could we normalize a concept of becoming a balanced servant?

unknown 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Yeah. And I think too, even outside of the, you know, a faithful um model is or a faith-based model, yeah. You know, being a good friend, always being being a good good mother, a good father, a good uncle, aunt, you know, you put others first. And sometimes in life you have to. I mean, there are times in life when you have to. If you live there full time, you know, then you're gonna be so depleted. And we keep, you know, got to go back to the you know, the airline safety uh instructions. Yeah, you know, you have to nurture yourself if you're ever gonna be a support and nurture others.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

So good. This is this is powerful for me. I I'm there's a whole bunch of thoughts running through my head, but you know, what so what can we do about being last, you know, on our own to-do list? And I I think there's, you know, someone may be listening and they're like, okay, I get it, you two. You know, I see myself. Yeah, I got it. I have this issue. Yep, I got this issue. And so I'm I'm wondering how we start to get into it, you know, and and how we actually start taking those tangible, um, simple steps.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Do you have a thought there?

SPEAKER_03 20:32

I have a couple, and by the way, we we recognize this topic is not an easy, oh, I'm just gonna put my put me at the top of my to-do list starting tomorrow. We recognize that. But I think there are uh a couple of things that that come to mind. One of them is asking yourself, what matters to me in this situation? I want to be a good friend. I this person needs me. Um, you know, what what does this situation call for uh without throwing any of your personal interests and time out the window? What does it call for? What what it what matters to me here? The second one, boy, you and I've talked about this. Yeah. Um Mel Robbins, did you read the let them theory? We've talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

My wife Shelly has the book and it's sitting, and she's reading it now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

Oh, just now, okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yeah, she's reading it.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

I read it a while ago. And there's all kinds of pros and cons, and we should I'd love to talk to Shelly about it sometime.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

But one thing that really stuck with me that I think is important is do not take on responsibility for other people's actions and views that are not your own. I've got to let them, okay. They're making a decision different than maybe the different than what I would make.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Um, okay. That's that's on them. And not because one of the things we do, I know for me, I take on all the stuff. And it creates that putting yourself lower down the list. So I think that um not taking on other people's issues and making them your own.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

Um so if you're at the bottom of the list because other people aren't, you know, maybe they aren't, you know, contributing and doing their part, or you have a a friend who's wonderful but is also very needy. Yeah. Okay, some boundaries. You know, how how can I be a great friend to this person? But I cannot go chat with them every night and and talk about their day and everything that went wrong. So I think that you know, two things. Let them um again, let let other people own their lives. And then I think secondly, is ask yourself, what matters to me here? You know, and and those are two that come to mind. We could talk about more, but those are a couple.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

I think that's good. It's it's like what I hear you saying is you know, stop trying to change everyone else. You you have to start by changing yourself.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

You you do, you do.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

And so that I think that's one practical thing. The, you know, because we we're standing around sometimes waiting for you, oh, they'll just start asking less of me. If I set them up this time, that that you know, they'll they'll ask less of me. Or um, someone is gonna notice that I have been hosting this thing year after year, and they're gonna step up. They're gonna they're gonna do it. They're gonna raise their hand and say, I'll do it. They're gonna do it. Right, not gonna happen. Um, or we wait for someone to change their expectations. Oh no, I never expected you to do this or that or the other thing for me. You're off the hook. I'm good. Not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Not gonna happen. So you're you can't do that. So what that kind of leads me into is um let them, I you know, I love that, you know, let them be them. You don't have to do that, but um check your boundaries. I I can't tell you enough about times where either I'm talking with someone or I'm sitting, you know, in a situation and I'm like compelled to help or compelled to do and and put off something that I needed to do or even promised someone else I would do, right? And what's my motivation? And and I've I've actually gotten into a practice where I'm checking my boundaries, you know.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

I think that is really important. And I think related to that, the other thing is look at have you set up a system in your life that puts you at the bottom of the list.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

So if you are, and some of these, some of these, I could do a little check mark next to you, you probably could too, Mark. If you are the cruise director for your family vacations and events, that's the cruise director. Uh you listen to friends for an hour, and not one question to you of how are you? How are things? Yes, you stay late to fix the work of your somebody on your team, yeah, and it's happened repeatedly, stuff they should have done, and you're the one up there late, you know, fixing it. You gotta be willing to take a step back and look at your system. If you are surrounded by um by this, I hope this doesn't sound like anyway. If you're surrounded, if you have a lot of takers versus givers, then you just gotta realize this is a system. You have to realize that. You have to realize it.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

And takers don't always know they're taking.

SPEAKER_03 25:06

No, they don't. And you gotta realize I had a friend of mine say uh not too long ago, she said, I've just realized I want to reevaluate and I want to spend time with people that fill my bucket in addition to me filling their bucket. Those are the relationships that matter to me. And I say that only because you have to understand, have you set up the system that and and sometimes it's not because you because the people around you are bad people. Yeah. They've just assumed that's yeah, that's the way you want it. And you have to really look at your system to see.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Yeah. Your system, and I hear you saying, um, assess who's around you. Yeah. Right. Um, I love, I love this. And uh I I have a note here that says, um, you know, when we're trying to set those boundaries and assess who's around us and what we're we're agreeing to, um, when do I say yes? When do I say no? What actually matters to me today? Where do I need to show up differently? Yeah. I actually have a little sticky note that sits on the bottom of my monitor at my home office and it says, My yes is valuable.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

My yes is valuable. And it and it's been there for a long time, but I'll often look at it and it reminds me the reason why it's there, you know, is because I'm saying, if you say yes, that yes is valuable. You know, and you don't have to be the cruise director. If some of you know this reference from an old sitcom called The Love Boat, you don't have to be the Julie McCoy.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

She was the cruise director, right? Right. You don't have to be the Julie McCoy. Um, I hope some of you listeners that have know that reference are smiling and laughing a little bit, but um, my yes is valuable, Patty. Your yes is valuable.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Because it's your when you your yes means you're giving of your time, yeah, your thoughts, yourself. And I I think the example you gave of the person who's calling you at the last minute and wants to talk for an hour and you're late for something else, you know, there's a lot of ways you can say, you can talk for a few minutes and say, I I do have to go.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Um, but you know, some encouraging thoughts. Sometimes there's a situation that requires, you know, it's important and critical, but not everything.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

And um back to where we started this, if if that, if putting yourself first feels really guilt, makes you feel guilty. Yeah, that right there is something you really need to look closely at. Why are you doing that? Well, what's causing you to do that?

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Do you remember we were on the phone? Um, maybe it was last week, could have been earlier this week, and I I had a situation that was happening, and you and I were getting ready to talk. And and I was like, Can you hold on a second? Which I never have to like, you know, I have to step away. Hang on. So I had to go take care of something. And um I came back and I was mad. Remember, I was mad. And I was like, and you were like, pause. You were like, time out. No, tell me what's going on. And I I told you about the situation, and you were like, Well, why do you feel guilty about that? You're absolutely sitting in the right place.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

And yeah, it's like, that's not you were you're kind of like, this isn't really my problem to solve, is it?

SPEAKER_00 28:20

You were like, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

It is not. You're like, okay, yeah, well, yeah, alrighty then.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

But I felt guilty for another 15, 20 minutes, right? Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Well, you brought it up again and a little bit later. You know, but I'm thinking about that thing. But that's a perfect example, Mark. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

You know, uh, where, you know, and I wonder sometimes too, back to our system and how we operate. Yeah, sometimes we want to save. We want to save people, we want to make it easier for them.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Um, we, you know, we're, you know, the ones. We're we we fix stuff. Yeah. We make stuff better.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

And if you're wired that way, like we are, yeah, that's another, another man, all this stuff gets in your this is dang hard.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

It's hard, right? It is hard. You know, it but it's it's like I want to save others. I need to save myself.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

You save yourself, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:08

You do. Yeah. Yeah. So um, you know, we we we could really talk about this a lot more. Um, but I'm interested, first of all, I appreciate having this conversation with you. Yes. I really do. And I hope, listeners, um, you are taking away some good nuggets. And I'm I'm wondering, Patty, what is something that you'd want listeners to take away from this conversation?

SPEAKER_02 29:32

Right.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

Um I would say making this change of not putting yourself last is an inside job. It starts with you being willing to put yourself higher on the list of a higher priority. Others are not going to do it for you. And there might be some consequences of you doing that. Um, because you're changing some patterns and you might change some relationships.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah. And but if you might you might lose some relationships. You might.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

Or they might change. They might change. They might change. But if we know enough to know I mean, life is hard. Relationships are hard. It is hard. It it is taxing. And we know that to get your way through it and have joy and a good life and all those things, if you do not give yourself the time, attention to be higher on the list, you've just made it harder for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

You have. You have. You have. You really have. Um that's excellent. I I think that's a a good takeaway. I'm I'm fathoming that and and it's still marinating in my head. It's swimming in my head, what you just said. It's it's excellent. Um, I'm I'm gonna say something that you talked about um in a previous episode, and you were talking about some great advice that you had gotten. And uh you you said that the person that you were talking to said, um, one thing I want you to know, Patty, is ain't nobody coming.

unknown 31:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Ain't nobody coming. And what the context was is if it's gonna be, you're gonna have to do it. Right. You're gonna have to do it.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

Things that matter to you, yeah. You've got you're gonna have to step up to the plate and take responsibility and accountability for it.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

I think the biggest thing um, you know, as we talk about that, that I I think listeners will struggle with, I struggle with, is guilt.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

Or not uh, oh, I don't want to change that relationship or oh, I and for me, I struggle or I want to do the right thing. That is my biggest mental obstacle. I want to do the right thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:52

And it it the right thing is also considering what matters to you.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Well, I I think it is what matters to you always coming from a place of um trying to be, you know, a balanced servant.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

Yeah, balanced servant is a really good, I think a really good way to put it.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

And and that's important. Uh, you know, listeners, like Patty said, you know, it's it's mental health awareness. And uh by we are not mental health professionals, but we we know a few things about a few things from the standpoint of like some of you, many of you, we're living it too.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Mm-hmm. Right. We are.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

And uh you might be tired of it. Uh you might get tired of it. And we want to make sure that, you know, in these conversations and you know, specifically this one, that we're helping you thrive and and work and live well.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you guys, we hope that you all will listen and subscribe. You can find us on Apple and on Spotify. Um, you can also join our social community on um Aren't You Tired Of underscore social on Instagram. Please you can DM us on Instagram, LinkedIn, um, Facebook with your ideas, suggestions. Um, we're just so grateful. And we hope that this week it will be a week that you think about how can I move myself up the list? And you stop for a minute and think, what do I really want? What matters to me, it's not selfish. It is gonna be part of your happiness and contentment the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Oh, I love that. That's great.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Thank you all. Have a great week.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Thanks. Take care. Bye.