Thinking Graduation Season Isn't for You Anymore?

Graduation season isn’t just for graduates. It’s for all of us. It has a way of making us stop and ask: Am I living the life I thought I would? And is it still the life I want now?

In this episode of Aren't Ya Tired Of?, we unpack the graduation advice that still matters. Mark and Patti talk about graduation memories, life’s “cliff moments,” pressure to have it all figured out, what we’re really wired to do, and what we’d say to our younger selves - now that we’ve lived a little more life.

Because maybe it’s not too late to reset your direction, rethink what matters, or stop being so hard on yourself. No cap and gown required.

Please subscribe and share this with anyone who needs to hear this conversation! Check out Aren't Ya Tired Of on YouTube, and follow us on Instagram at arentyatiredof_social.  Send your topic suggestions to podcast@pattibjohnson.com or through DM on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to Aren't You Tardov Podcast with my co-host Mark Benton. Hey. I'm Patty Johnson. Y'all, it's graduation season. It is if you are on socials, you're seeing all of the graduates. You're in Target. They've got all the graduation cards are out. And you may think, well, I don't have a new graduate or I'm not graduating. Why are we talking about this? You know, graduation is one of those times in life that you think, what do I want to do next? Yeah. What's important to me? And you have just, and of course you're in graduation, you have things just your life's wide open. That's right. But we want to think, hey, we should all be doing that. We all have those times, you know?

SPEAKER_04 0:46

I think so. I I think graduation time shouldn't just be for the graduate. There are messages and changes and rites of passage that I think we can all learn from.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Agree. So we're going to talk a little bit about what's what would we what would our commencement speech be to ourselves right now that we can take and go use? So I'm curious for you, Mark. Yeah. You picture back to either high school or college graduation. What little thought is floating through your mind?

SPEAKER_04 1:11

About my high school graduation.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Or college, anyway.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

Yeah, well, high college graduation was what you expect for me. You know, it just, you know, you're you got there, you're going across the stage. What I think a memorable thing is about my high school graduation is uh our class president um um I won't say his name, but um, he got into a little altercation before commencement, um, and so was detained and was not able to be there for his speech. And so I was actually um president of a student body, so student council. He was our Mr.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

BMOC.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

I know. But here's the thing. So uh our principal said, Can you give the speech? And I was like this happened. Like this happened 15 minutes before we started walking.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Holy smokes.

SPEAKER_04 1:56

Right. So I had to get up there and make the welcome speech impromptu, right, right in the moment. And it was nuts. It was wild, right? Um We are gathered here today. Friends, cousins, aunties, neighbors, welcome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 2:14

Don't remember, obviously, don't remember what I said because I probably blacked out, but yeah, that that was funny.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

That is funny that was funny. Yeah. Well, I was one of four speakers at my graduation, but it was short and I knew it ahead of time. Okay. So there's no stress. No stress. No stress. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

In terms of my high school, it's funny, my high school graduation, I have this image, and they were all of I grew up in a small town, Ponka City, Oklahoma. I have this image of a big carload of girls, probably at AW. Uh-huh. I think. And you do you ever have those times in your life when you like think, I'm gonna make a mental snapshot of this moment and I'm not gonna forget it. Yeah. I did that. Yeah. Um that and I remember that night. I remember being like, things are never gonna be the same again. And I was accurate on that. I also remember thinking, I got this thing all figured out.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

I knew I knew exactly what I was doing. Clueless. Had no idea it was clueless.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

It's interesting you talk about that mental shot because I can't remember what I said in that high school um welcome speech. That's pretty good. But I have a I have a snapshot of the crowd. Like I see it. I remember that.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

See, that's a great memory. That's a great memory. So we want to take those memories and say, okay, yeah, well, how many of us are doing what we thought we'd be doing? Yeah. What kind of would we be talking about in our commencement speech to ourselves? And before I jump, before we jump into that commencement speech, uh, it was funny. I I want to just tell y'all about this book I've been reading.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

And do you remember Jim Collins? Yeah, Jim Collins. He did the Good to Great, yeah. 25 years ago, 20 years ago. Has it been that long ago?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

It has been a long time, but I can remember there was a season where everybody was quoting good to great. It's like, this is how you're gonna be good to great. And good to great quotes and good and you know, in good to great, they said. So he was everywhere. He's written a new book and done a little research, and there were a few little concepts in that that I think are kind of relevant to this. And one of them is that we have a number of cliffs in our lives.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Cliffs, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Cliffs. And cliffs can be happy cliffs, like a graduation. Yeah, probably happy. Yeah, you know, after you gave the speech, you're like, hey, woo, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. You're happy. Yeah. Um, but there are also cliffs of uh like empty nesting. We're we have an episode where we're talking about that in one of our other uh episodes. Yeah. And it could be loss of a loved one, it could be end of a relationship, it could be you've been in a great big job, and then your job gets eliminated and your whole identity. So we have a many, many cliffs in life and graduation's one of them.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

And after that cliff, there's fog. And he describes fog as that period of kind of uncertainty or lack of footing. Like, I I don't feel like I know exactly what I'm going to do next. Yeah. Graduation's one of those times. But I thought, you know, that's a good kind of context for the fog's okay. Yeah. And kind of set us up in graduation as we think about what we would say to ourselves in commencement speech.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

That's a great setup for a commencement speech.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Well, I think it kind of clicked with me. We've been talking about graduation. I was reading this book, and I thought, you know, that's a good, a good way to think about it. So I'm curious, like, if you were giving your own commencement speech now, if you're jumping off the cliff, right, no matter what's going on in your life right now, yeah, what what would you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_04 5:29

Yeah, what would I say to myself? Well, um, I think that one thing that comes to mind immediately, and this runs through my head a lot based on where I am in life and the things, you know, you know, we uh my wife and I, we are empty nesters. Uh we're uh we have um an elderly parent that lives with us, and it's easy for me to just kind of lock into all that and just say this is what it is. Yeah. So one of the things I think the I'm probably right at the edge of a cliff is what's next. Yeah. And and looking at what's next with anticipation, um, with confidence. Um and I know that I don't have um certainty about things, but I think one of the the points that I would make is where can you get clarity on things? And so that that's one big thing that comes right now that I don't have certainty about some things, but I'm certainly trying to find clarity. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Or what you are certain about. That's really yeah, you're you're dealing with you got you got in other words, your graduation speech or convincing to be how do you figure out that big next cliff of life? Yeah, and how do you make that leap? Yeah, I got it. Um Mark and I are gonna go back and forth and hopefully give you some some things you might think about. I'd be curious, all of you listeners, think of what you would be saying to yourself, right, as we're doing this. Um okay, I'm gonna mention the great Alyssa Liu again. And if you listen, you're a regular podcast listener, you will know Mark and I. This is probably about the third time we've talked about Alyssa. Yeah, she's the um ice skating Olympian gold medalist and uh young, 20 or 21 now, maybe. And she was asked this question recently in an interview, and I really was what advice would you give yourself? Okay. It wasn't commencement speech per se, but it's what advice would you give yourself when you were younger? And she said, I probably wouldn't give myself any advice. I would just say you'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

And I thought that's her vibe. That that is that's that's what keeps her blood pressure very low. Low.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

It is, yeah. I don't know how it's so low. But I kind of feel that way too. Yeah. I mean, if I were talking to myself, yeah, uh, even though I thought I probably had it all figured out when I was graduating in high school for sure. But you know, sometimes things go differently than we think they'll go.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

But if you have that that belief, like I'll I'll deal with this. I will figure this out, that confidence. Yeah, I thought um that was one that really resonated with me.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

I think that that really makes sense because I I think it it goes back into kind of what I was saying is like I don't have certainty about a lot of things, you know, just life in general and um technology changes and just you know how we relate and how we engage. So but what I I try to get to is it it's gonna work out. I I mean we've lived enough, you know, to know that things will work out. Yeah, they do work out. Um maybe not as you planned.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

But they but they do. Sometimes better than you plan. Sometimes better than you plan. And that's what I think makes everything about this opportunity, you know, like especially for graduates, listeners, if you have someone who's graduating or knows somebody, this just there's almost a jealousy I have. It's like they're they're starting out new.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Oh wide open spaces, which I know scares them half to death. I know it scared me half death. I'm like, oh, you know, what am I doing? Yeah. Um okay, I'll give one. Yeah. A little lighter. You know how when you're in high school, especially college, your friends are you're hanging with your friends. Yes. All that probably too much, right? You know, it's just a constant, what are the friends doing? Where are you going? What are you doing? And I think, you know, sometimes as we get we start adulting, yeah. I mean, you just get too busy. Yeah. Oh, the couch doesn't look very good. I don't think I want to have people over. Yeah. You know, and I think that losing that sense of, hey, you want to go do this? Let's go do that. The spontaneity? The spontaneity and and making time for friends. You know, I think that's one thing I would say is don't let life's obligations become so heavy that you don't go hang out with your friends.

SPEAKER_04 9:44

You know what I mean? I I think that that's important. And and to that, what comes to mind for me is having different people in your circle.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

You know, people that think differently from you, people that have different experiences. I I remember I had um a good friend in in college that um wasn't born in the United States and had a great perspective on life and living, and um, you know, his family situation was very different, you know, from mine, and I really learned a lot from him. Uh, that I think if that he wasn't someone that I probably would have been friends with, you know, if I hadn't, you know, been in a dorm situation and you're around all these different people. So I think the other advice I would give is the importance of, you know, being um in a place and being open to learning just all different kinds of things and then continuing that learning journey, you know, as long as as you have memory, you know?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yeah. I love that. I love that. And and you're taking like make time for friends and a lot of them. Yeah. Not that are they don't have to all be just like you, yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Um, okay, let's do a couple more here. I would do a couple more uh little commencement speeches, which see you don't you wish you'd had these tips. I wish I had to. When you'd had to go up, yes. We could have slipped these two.

SPEAKER_04 11:08

I wish somebody would have just pushed me maybe a little index card and had a little few full bullets on it. I could have talked for him, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

You could have done it. You know, there are this is there's so many good commencement speeches out there right now. I've been seeing, you know, Eric Church. Do you know who Eric Church is? He's a country singer. I I'm not a big fan. Some of my friends are big.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

He killed it at UNC. Oh, really? He went up with his guitar.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

And talked about how the five strings of life and had to play the little song.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

He played, he did a little melody and brought a little bit. But you know what? Here's the thing I like about that, listeners. Um, I I haven't listened to Eric Church. I do know who he is now that he's bringing him up. But yeah, but he used what he knew to bring different stories. Yes. And and bring different learning. And and I I think that that's something that when you get to a point in your life where you know this is why I was created.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

This is who I am. This is who I am, this is why I was created. And I'm doing that thing that just brings me joy, brings me energy. Uh, that is such a valuable gift because I think some people come to it early, and some people, it it might take them a lifetime. And then I think unfortunately, maybe some people never get there. They never get there. And I so that's important.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

It is important. And I think those, um, I I would encourage you um go listen to some of those. I mean, they were so inspiring, some of those graduation speeches. I'm kind of going off a tangent there. But um, okay, a couple other lessons. Well, let's talk about um one of mine. I don't know if y'all can relate to this, but stop being so dad-blasted, self-critical. Oh. And I think it's hard on myself inside my head.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

You know, oh, not enough this, not enough that. Yeah. Oh, you should be doing more that. And, you know, and I think um, I've talked before on this podcast about perfectionist tendencies and far from perfect. But, you know, you just when you have those, and I still work on that, like to stop, stop. And I think, but especially when you're as a younger female coming into the business world, I was really um a lot of lot of like self-talk and critical talk. And so I think that would be one thing I would say is that to stop it, if I again I know listeners, if you have some of those those habits that you think you would say to your younger self, don't do that to yourself.

SPEAKER_04 13:31

Yeah. You know, one of the things that that's an important one, uh, and I think we can all benefit from it and learn from it. I I I too, you know, um have been critical of myself. I I used to have a leader that would always say, um, be kinder to yourself. Yeah. Be kinder to yourself. And um uh recently, I I don't say this out loud, so uh, but you're about to yeah, I know. Y'all y'all are the first to hear this. So I I I think in my head, I'm like, what would today mark tell then Mark?

SPEAKER_01 14:06

That's the question.

SPEAKER_04 14:07

Right. What would today mark tell then Mark? And and I'm learning from that, you know, and so I I've not been shy. Um, and I absolutely endorse um people seeking tools and support for their mental health. And so, you know, I have a therapist um has made me a better person. And we talk a lot about what now Mark would talk and say to then Mark to be able to pull forward to do different, right? And so one of the things I know I end up telling my, you know, two sons a lot is, you know, when they're having a question around, you know, this decision, that decision, you know, because they're both in two different stages. One is newly married, yeah, you know, and and living um, you know, as a newlywed and and having that. The other one has been, you know, graduated from college for about a year and trying to figure out, you know, his way in the world. And so they're in two different places. And I find being in that space with them, trying to share learnings with them, but also I I try to do a big Socratic method with them. Instead of just, oh, this is what you should do, this is where you should go. Yeah. I really try to say, well, what do you think about it? And what what what do you think that would be the impact of? And and what do you know now that you didn't know? And and I think, listeners, I would say if you have someone in your life, you know, that that comes to you for advice, getting to a place of being more of an ask versus a tell person is so helpful to help people build their own connections and ways of being.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Their own muscle.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Yeah, because when we when we are more tell and we tell people what's next and what to do, it it's it's great and it's helpful, but it might not really be setting them up for success. And so I really try to focus on being more of an ask person. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Well, and I think we'll talk a minute about advice we give to our kids, and I think we've touched on some things there too, for sure. Um, but you're mentioning something that that I would put on my list. Yeah. I don't know if I can say this right clearly, but I kind of learned begin with the this sounds end in mind. We're doing like a real going back to Covey and all that. Yeah. What is the end game you want? Yeah. And then say, I'm gonna figure out how to make that work instead of all, especially when you're younger, all those little bitty decisions. Well, what about this? Well, what about that? Well, yeah, if I don't do this and if I don't do that, they feel huge. But instead of saying, like, okay, but this is what I want. Okay. And I, you know, I have many examples in my life. I know when uh Jim and I were dating, I was in Houston. He was in Dallas. My career was going really well in Houston. Um, and Jim had two kids, and and after, you know, I met them, we started like it was all of a sudden like I gotta come back to Dallas. It's a no-brainer. And I knew, and people were like, you know, career-wise, you're gonna that's gonna not, that's kind of a mistake for you. And I really didn't care because I thought, I'll figure I'll figure it out. And it was Dallas is where it should be. Um you know, let's the kids are there, and it was that mindset of we'll make it work. And as it turned out, came out a lot better than if I'd stayed in Houston.

SPEAKER_04 17:17

I think it worked out for you. I think it did. I think it did. You know, Patty, it comes back to something that I was saying earlier, and I think it makes the point, listeners, um, around this certainty over clarity, excuse me, over certainty. Yes. And you you said, you know, you kind of have the end in mind, right? But to get to whatever that end is, and that end may change a bit, you know, it may look different. Yeah. You can't always be certain around all the things that are gonna happen. Back to what you were talking about. You couldn't have been sure and certain about, well, am I gonna get a good job? And and am I gonna be able to, you know, are we gonna find a place to live and where would that be and all the things? But you can get to, I'm clear on a couple of things. And and I want to pull out something you said. I'm clear that I've met, you know, this man and his family, and this is where, you know, they are. I'm clear that I want to go there.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

That's the best place for me to be.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

If given my overall goals in life. And I I can relate to what you said too, Mark, about like you talked about you're kind of, you feel like I'm approaching a cliff. There's all a lot of change.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Well, you mentioned the clarity and certainty issue too. And so I think encourage listeners to say, get, you know, what are the things that you're really clear on? Yeah. And then just say, I'm gonna figure the rest of it out. Yeah. Because so many decisions when you are 25, 30 feel monumental. Like I can't leave this job, I can't go do this, I can't, you know, I can't change this thing. Um well, maybe you can. You know, you gotta think if those if you're gonna if you want the things that really matter, you know, then you're gonna have to sell, figure some other stuff out.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

Well, and I think in this conversation, and especially in this season of graduation, we have to be okay to embrace the F-word. Failure.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

We might need to embrace two F words. But I'm with you.

SPEAKER_04 19:18

Yeah. You have to. Yeah, you have to be okay with failure because um uh and I'm not trying to be trite um or flip when I say this, but you know, it this didn't go well. I failed, right? But um nobody died, you know, um, not the end of the world, you know, and it's that whole adage, I think it's it's an Asian adage of, you know, um fall seven times, get up eight. And I and I think there's something to that around um that I think I'm coming to, you know, kind of talking out loud here about embracing ambiguity. And I think if I was gonna talk to, you know, a group of people or listeners, you know, you're sitting, you know, in a position to, you know, um have wisdom, you know, shared with someone like getting comfortable with ambiguity, I think is a a core life skill.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yeah, I totally. And I think too, failure, don't look at failure so short term. Yeah. You know, I think it's so funny. I'm thinking of this story. You know, talking about end in mind, I, you know, I also had, you know, decided at one point I was in this big job at Accenture. I was like working like a maniac trying to protect my schedule.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Boys were younger, kind of want to start a business. I thought, back to end in mind. Yeah. I thought this is the only way I can have career ambition and also have some control in my life. And so I'm gonna put these two together and I'm gonna do it. And um, and so talking about fair in the short term, I can remember I had been a big job in Accenture. I'd had a big team, I had an assistant, I had all the trappings, right? My first client, the meeting is at the meeting is at the hill the a holiday in conference room in a very, I won't say a very small town in the Dallas Fort Worth. And I am in there by myself trying to figure out how to connect to the projector.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

And I remember thinking, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_01 21:16

This is what how far have I fallen? What am I doing?

SPEAKER_02 21:20

There was nobody to call, nobody to do, I mean, I figured out figured out.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

And I did. Yeah. I got we got it figured out. But I can remember back to if you if I had just looked at that day, I would have thought, what in the world? And but over time it worked, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:38

But what what was in that moment? Like, what was your biggest learning? Was it that I had all these, I'll call them trappings. You know, I had all the things. And it what it sounds like it was a humbling moment.

unknown 21:48

It was a humbling moment.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

It was like a humbling moment. In one of our prior episodes, one of the best advice I got was Ain't nobody coming, ain't nobody coming, holiday in.

SPEAKER_04 21:58

Listen, you could have called the front. Desk if you wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Ain't nobody coming, ain't nobody to call. Right. You know what I'm saying? Right. And um, so I think your point of you gotta be a little you gotta have a little longer horizon than, oh man, that just didn't go well, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Or the sometimes people will take a job and they'll be, oh, but yet it set them up for knowing, uh, but the next thing is what I really want.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

So you know, one thing that comes to mind, do we have time for Yeah, probably time to shift years? But I was gonna say, one of the things that comes to mind is um being okay in the moment, um, to know that you don't have to have it all at once. I I know based on my generation, you know, kind of a kid of the 80s, and these younger generations behind, you know, us, uh, you know, they just have a different way of working and preference and and looking at life. And there was this um between these generations, because you got all these generations in the workplace right now, there was a little bit of um oh uh friction, right? In, you know, if if you're traditionally, you know, find yourself as being a Gen Xer, right? It's you know, you know, I ain't got no time for no jibba jabba, you know, you need all this feedback, or you, you know, you're you're you're worried about this, or you know, you're you're worried about your well-being. Like nobody asked me about my well-being. But I think the the lesson I have come to learn is being able to step back and say, you know, I'm gonna say this and it may not make any sense, but everything is not everything. Oh. You know, just being able to not take it all so seriously, to be willing to learn, as I said earlier, and just realizing that, you know, you can learn from the most odd and unusual places and things.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Yeah, you absolutely can. You absolutely can. And I think too, you know, we're kind of getting into this topic of okay, well, are you where you want to be now? That's a big topic. Okay. Yeah. But um it graduation season is kind of when you think about it. You think about what were you, you know, if we're are we doing what we thought? I'm not, I had no clue I could even do what I did. Did you? No. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Doing what I do now, doing this right now, I never saw it.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

Never saw it. But in chunks, it came in chunks. It did. You know, I can do this, you can do that. Ah, what about that? Yep. And it's okay. And I think that's for I talk about advice for new graduates, which we'll in a minute. But I think that's important. The other thing that really I'm talking about this this Jim Collins book again. The other concept that really kind of I think is interesting for us and listeners to think about is he talks about how what we're encoded to do.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

And it's not what are you good at, but it's what are you encoded to do, meaning what are you intrinsically just love doing and it just fills you up.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

And um I've been listening to um Sally Field. She's been the actress. Yeah. And, you know, she is in the a Remarkably Bright Creatures, which a lot of people have read that book and it's a movie now, but it's it's an incredible book about and you won't get into it.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

But so she's been doing a lot more interviews than she normally does. And and Sally Field said she was talking about how she was in her, she was a high school student in the late 50s.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

And how it in the late 50s, you know, women were you had to smile, you didn't say anything out of you were supportive, you were kind, you were, you know, all of that. And then she got to be in a high school play.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

And in the play, she got to be angry, she got to be a different person. It talked about how she just came alive. Yeah. And she goes, I knew that's what I was meant to do. And you know, some of us don't have those kind of moments. Um, you may have had it in your graduation speech. You may have thought, I am meant yes, to have to talk to the people.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

I am meant to talk to the people. Yes. And yeah, I agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

And so the he talks about how if you're encoded that like if you're looking at a window and what you're encoded to do is all these constellations, right? If you look out the window and you see a lot of constellations, you're like, I'm in alignment with what I'm supposed to be doing. If you look out the window and it is, there's there are no constellations. Like for you, Mark, I'm gonna go ahead and limb and say, if you were looking out the window and you were had become a CPA given all your talents and gifts, yeah, the window might have been it's it might not be your thing.

SPEAKER_04 26:20

Yeah, I would have been staring staring out that window for days.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

You were not encoded.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

No, no. And you know, people that do that, um, they they have I have had CPAs um help me out greatly. They're opening. They're they're desperately need a step. But I think the point that you're making is uh if I if I'm tracking is what I feel like I'm encoded to do and I found along the way is be in a position where I'm able to help others get to clarity.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

See, that's period.

SPEAKER_04 26:55

You know, now now it's that connection and communication. Period. But you know, it it shows up in different places, but being in a position where someone comes to you or you're asked to help them figure out that right next step to get to clarity is what I feel like, you know, I was born to do. And I can be having the worst day, right? For whatever reason. And, you know, I'm needing to coach someone because they're coming to me for, you know, advice or guidance, or it's a situation that just presents itself, and it can be the worst day. And I noted that after those types of conversations, I'm lifted. Yeah. You know. So I think that's how you you know about this encoding. You know, it's like the thing that you do that just lifts you.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Exactly. And I would encourage listeners, think back to when you were in high school, your college. When did those events happen for you?

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Did when what period of of life did you feel I am encoded to do this? And um I'll give you one of my personal examples on this, let's shift to gra and you know, tips to new graduates. But yeah, when I was in college, I was in a sorority, and we could talk about the pros and cons of sororities, but I was in one and it was a good experience for me.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

And I was the membership chairman Rush Chairman. And what of course I was. But the the and so I spent the summer getting to know the alums and who's coming through. But it was figuring out along with my my colleague uh friend Carol who needs to meet who. Mark's coming through and he loves he's into golf.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Okay, who in our house should meet Mark? And we made three people. And it has an intricate little map. We made the rush week fun. All the the upper classmen hated rush week. Yeah. Hated it, and we made it fun. We gave him breaks, we did we completely revamped how we did it, played games to learn. And um I college was not perfect for me. I had, you know, I had all kinds of like getting used to it and I was immature and everything. Yeah. But it was for me, it was one of those times, I think back on it now, I was encoded to do not sorority stuff, but do what was happening that week. And it went on to affect my career and everything like that. So I would encourage listeners, what were those little stories that you think of that tells you when you were encoded to do certain things? And maybe it will help you think about what's next.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

What cliff is next? I love that. You know, and if you're listening to this, you're walking or you're driving, uh, whatever you're doing and you're listening to this, you know, take take two or three minutes and and think about that. Because I don't know that we always stuck it. Really? What am I encoded to do? To do. I love that. It's powerful.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Let's let's wrap up with any quick advice that we would give um those graduates, those people who have graduates, friends, families, neighbors. What advice we give graduates today that um, not looking back at ourselves, but yeah, what about today? Uh AI, the world's changing.

SPEAKER_04 30:04

One of the things that I would say, and I hope this for all of you that um are graduating um or have a graduate, no matter what age you are, if you're gonna listen to the speech.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Especially if you're giving it well, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:17

If if if if I get the invitation. Um, but listen to the speech. I I I had a season and a run, and we have more coming up in a year or so where more people are graduating. And I have just found that, you know, those events can be long and sometimes they can be a little hard, you know, you're sitting on these hard seats or whatever. And I actually use it as a learning experience and and I've been able to sit and listen to some great speakers, right? So I hope that all your speakers are great, but listen to the speech and and don't just take it as, okay, this is what's coming up. But what what things can you pull from the speech and and put and put it into memory and try to do it, right? Because whoever that person is, they probably spent a lot of time. They didn't just get, you know, tapped on the shoulder eight minutes before, you know, they needed to do do the the um procession. Um, they've been preparing that. And so they want you to take away something, you know, from their words. And so what is your no, do, and believe, you know, from hearing what they have to say? And that that's my advice in general. Um, I could say a lot of things, but that that's your moment, right? And that's their moment to impart. And so honor that moment. Got it.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

I I think that's a great one. I I think um mine would be I'm gonna tie back to something that we talked about in a prior episode of bad advice. And that is if you are the parent, the aunt, the uncle, the older neighbor, the grandparent, whatever. When you're giving advice, number one, use what Mark suggests, ask questions, help them figure it out. But secondly, don't give advice based on your own life experience or to fill uh a gap that you might fill.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Um, I mean, how many um how many parents do you see out there expecting their kid to be the star of the football team and they didn't make the team in middle school? That's right. So it's like closing whatever gap you feel and make sure your advice is really for that child who has certain gifts and talents, not reliving your life. I think that's a big one, and you see it a lot, you know?

SPEAKER_04 32:21

Yeah, that I mean, I I think I was guilty of it, and I'll just say this quickly that that's the reason why I went to being more of an ass than a tell.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

So for sure.

SPEAKER_04 32:29

That's why, you know, because I was like, this can't really be about me. This has to be your own path. But I can I can honor that and and hold the space to help you. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Absolutely, absolutely. Well, we're almost out of time. I want to just really quickly uh we're gonna wrap up. What's the one takeaway you would encourage listeners to do based on this conversation? The most important.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

Yeah, I I think the one thing I would say is that it's so important during these seasons of change and and um uh forthcoming that that you really I I love what you said about you had this memory of a whole bunch of friends together and you were at, you know, the AW. You know, I love that. Um I have that snapshot in my brain of you know that moment. I I see all those people and we graduated outside. So it was, you know, sun was setting. It was beautiful. And I had that snapshot. Um take snapshot moments, you know, in your life for learning and self-reflection. Spend time to do that. That's my biggest takeaway for our listeners that we spend more time reflecting and thinking about what we want, what's important, and where we're trying to go.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Mine's kind of related to yours, also is is make a little time. Take some time this weekend.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Go, you know, sit on the patio with a glass of wine, a cup of coffee. What were you, what have you learned since you were graduating? Are you where you want to be? Yeah. You're probably a different person than when a lot different. Um, what are you encoded to do?

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Um, and do some reflecting on those. And when did you feel everything was in alignment? All the consolations were in the frame out of the window for me. And I think think about those things and let this graduation season be a time for you to reset and think about what's next for you. The cliff, your cliff, make it a happy cliff, a good cliff. That's my that's my closest thing. So, Mark, tell us how what can listeners do in terms of staying in touch with us and hanging out.

SPEAKER_04 34:24

Well, you can find us on Instagram at Aren't You Tired Of, and it's not you, it's Y A, Aren't You Tired Of, underscore social. Uh, so that's on Instagram. Uh, you can listen to our episodes on Apple and Spotify, and you can send us um, you know, um I'll say it, slide into our DMs. Let us know what uh you would like to hear or if we've said something or there's a topic that comes up, we'd love to hear from you. Whenever we do, um, we try to bring those topics back up and we will always respond. Yes. Uh so that's that's great. And I think um we'd love for you to like, subscribe, and listen.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Listen, and leave us a review on our on the podcast. We would love that too. Thank you all. Have a great week. Enjoy the graduation season, even if you're not a new graduate or you don't have a graduate. And we look forward to seeing you next time. All right. Thanks, everybody. Take care. Bye.