Your Questions Answered - What Should I Do?

What should you do if your manager consistently ignores your work-schedule boundaries? Or you keep bringing your own issues into the advice you give others? Or you need more tips for how to practice giving presentations? This episode is built around your questions and issues.

Patti and Mark answer your questions about becoming a better speaker, setting expectations with your manager, taking the very first step toward a meaningful change, separating your own issues from advice you give your kids, and navigating a workplace culture where you don't feel you can be yourself. Real questions, practical ideas, and the kind of conversation that reminds you that you're not the only one.

Please leave a review, subscribe, and share this with anyone who needs to hear this conversation! Check out Aren't Ya Tired Of on YouTube, and follow us on Instagram at arentyatiredof_social.  Send your topic suggestions to podcast@pattibjohnson.com or through DM on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome to Aren't You Tired Of. Uh Mark and I appreciate the questions you've sent in. And this is a great episode. We want to talk about things you're tired of and what to do about them. And these are your reader questions that say, hey, I got some follow-ups to some of the prior episodes.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

So we promised we would follow up. We promised. Here we are. I love that we uh can take a little time and do that.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Yeah. So first question is on our episode where we talked about giving presentations and not being stressed about them, we kept talking about practice and how practice will make you better and better.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Can you give me some more examples of how we can practice so I can be a better speaker?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Hmm. You know, I think one of the things in this age where we can video ourselves, I think you do that. I mean, I think that was one of the points that we love, yeah. Yeah, we talked about videoing yourself and, you know, really looking at, you know, your mannerisms, how do you speak? Are you clear? And really, really putting yourself in that environment. I think that can help you. I I go back to practice makes perfect and or practice makes better. And, you know, I think that's one way to just really get comfortable. Get comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

You know, I think one other idea that I don't think I mentioned on the episode, but um Marta Steele, who is, you know, a really great speaker, she took improv class and helped her think on her feet. And one of our prior guests, Katie Keogh, she talked about improv and how she had done that. And I think um she was also a great speaker. Um that might be an kind of just an off-the-wall way, because you know, if you know, and and I have never taken an improv class, but I know enough to know you do not have a script. It is, but you know, think about yes and and and you got to think on your feet. And I think part of being a good speaker is being more comfortable speaking on your feet. So practice, practice video um is a great way and finding some unique ways to, you know, whether it's an improv class, it's it's Toastmasters, it's whatever it may be, just get out there. Yeah. So that's one. I agree with that. Uh, second question. On our bad managers episode, we talked about the Miranda Priestley's and um The Devil Wears Prada. And the Devil Wears Prada.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Um, the question came in of what about a manager that doesn't respect your boundaries? He's texting me and emailing me, calling me all the time. How do I handle it?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Oh, it's hard. It's hard because the power differential's off. Yeah. You know, like, you know, but here's what I would say. Um, gosh, we talk about boundaries a lot. Um every episode. Yeah, it's important because when you're tired of something, you got to figure out why you're tired of it and what you're gonna do about it. And uh so I would say um to that listener and any listener that's struggling with this, you wow, I'm gonna say it. You know what you're gonna say. You teach people how to treat you. Yeah. And I think one of the things I personally learned in setting boundaries uh is uh you gotta know when you are when your boundaries are being your boundary walls are being breached. You have to know that moment and decide what you're gonna do. And when you if you pick up the phone um when they call and you're always responsive, then you're teaching them that that's what you're gonna do. You're fine with it. Um so you shouldn't call. I'll say this super quick too. If they have that expectation and you decide, I'm not picking up, right? Um, be reasonable about it. You know, um, you know, if it's reasonable to pick up, but you gotta be rigid on this because you you do a little crack and a break and then you lower the boundary. So and when they tell you, well, why didn't you pick up? Why, well, that's the time that I spend with so-and-so. But I'm available in these times.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

You know, and so you just have to really be mindful about what you're gonna do and what you're not gonna do, and and don't make it a habit.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

And I think too, you're talking about if you're changing behavior. Yeah. Like if you've been picking up all the time, you just made to be proactive and have a conversation of Well, you know, I I'm trying to I'm trying to, you know, handle my boundaries a little bit better. Yes. I want to make sure I don't know if um if you are like if you're emailing me and texting me, if you're expecting immediate response. Sometimes that's hard for me to do. And I have worked with people who they have that if it's in my head, I gotta get it out. And and I I can think of a situation where it wasn't me, but it was somebody else who their their manager basically said, Oh gosh, don't, I didn't mean for you to respond immediately. I just I had once it's on my mind, I'm sending it out. Yeah. So then you're the one that's like whenever the end of your work day is or whatever, and it's like, hey, if it's an emergency, call me by all means.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

You know what though, I also go into one of my my coaching points that I always make. You also have to declare your intent, right? For sure. If you're a manager or a leader or supervisor that, like, oh, I just had to get it off my head, I do not expect you to respond tonight.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

And for sure. So you need to declare your intent. But I think maybe what this listener is talking about is um it's 6 30 in the morning and they're calling, or it's eight o'clock at night and they're calling, you know, to talk work and all these things. Yeah. And so that's where I think you have to really decide this is out of the bounds.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yeah, exactly. And you got to meet have the conversation. How can we how can we work together here on this? Um, I think that's one. Um okay, next question. Next question. This will maybe a little harder one, but in the Snoop and Martha episode, uh, we talked about the importance of continuing to evolve and do something different. Question is, I want to do that. How what's the first step I can take? This is something you've thought a lot about, Mark. I know for you. What would be a way somebody could say, I do want to be a little different. I want to try something a little bit different.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Not be the same person I've always been. How what's the first step?

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Uh-huh. Yeah. In that Snoop and Martha episode, we used both of those characters because they were very uniquely themselves, but they have, you know, created a friendship, you know, and a partnership and helped each other. And they both stepped out of what people may have, you know, the box that people may have put them in. I I think for me personally, what I learned is to uh be, well, I'll just say it, for me, it was about being brave. And it was about not letting other people situations define me and and what I wanted. And it was actually very freeing, yeah, you know, to start that journey. And um, you have to have others around you that support you and and understand you and can be advisors to you. So that that's the advice I give is that you you gotta decide, you know, are you willing to make the change? Because it's not something that's gonna happen overnight. You gotta take the steps and and be focused in it.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

I think too, no, and this is more me commenting on your journey, yeah, is that you talk about in COVID, you had time to think about what is it that I want? And I think, you know, sometimes it's just I know I'm in a rut. I know I'm in a situation that feels tired and it's not really me. Well, maybe the first step too is thinking about what might that look like. Yeah. If I'm if I were really living the life I want, or if I'm wanting to do things differently, where are you feeling that? Is it is it work? Is it personal? Is it what is it? So um, yeah, that's a that's a hard question, but the fact that you're asking the question, a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

It's a start. It's a start. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Um, okay, next question. In the bad advice issue, we talked about not bringing yourself as a parent into the advice you give your kids. That's right. Yeah. How do you make that shift? You've you've thought about that a lot, Mark.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah, I've I thought about this a lot. And in a previous episode, we were talking about um in in our graduation episode, we were talking about how you need to make sure that the advice you give is not putting your own burden or hopes and dreams and what you want, you know, on said person, you know, your child, your niece, your nephew, mint m mentee, whoever this is. And I talked about being more of an ask advisor than a tell advisor. So being an ask advisor is very Socratic, meaning asking a lot of questions questions, like, well, what would you think that would look like? And um, if you've been thinking through that, why is that important to you? And and those types of things. And so um, I think in giving advice, uh be an advice giver that is inquisitive and curious to help someone explore.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Right. And I think too, and it's almost like, you know, those of you that have been through any kind of coaching um training or anything like that, is it's kind of a lot of it is that and learning to maybe there are times what would you be be open to. If they ask you, what would you do? Yeah. Okay. That's one thing. I also think advice from parents, sometimes it's out of fear.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

It's like it may not be I want you to do everything that why I did it. Yeah. I'm afraid that if you don't get this degree, this will happen. I'm afraid if you don't live close to me, I can't protect you. Whatever it is. You know, I think that is um I think it's important. I think it's for healthy for those of us who are parents or you have care for people that are that are younger, they're the aunt, the uncle.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Where why am I wanting to give this advice? Where's it coming from?

SPEAKER_01 9:24

I agree. And and Patty, I would say it's not a bad thing to impart your wisdom. I just think allow yourself. I think the best advice is advice that explores. Yeah, exactly. And it's possible and a good balance.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

If you're gonna give some wisdom advice, whatever, yeah. Having with a little exploration is a good thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Office politics. Boy, we talked about a lot of the characters in office politics. The question is, but I am in an environment that's very formal and structured, and it makes me feel like I have to talk in corporate speak, and I cannot really be myself or say what I think.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Oh, wow. What is your thought on this one?

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Well, I have to say I have seen some people who have been themselves and they are not the same as the environment, have been very successful.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

So I think I w what were they doing? Can you say like one or two things that you think was there?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Yeah, this is an example from a long time ago of uh back when um there were very few women in the room. Sometimes it was me and one other person who was may more senior than me. And I and at that time a lot of women were trying to be like the men. Yeah. You know, very and Marie was funny, brought herself in, her sense of humor, yeah, would bring MMs into the partner meeting, pass them out, stuff you just didn't do.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

And everyone loved her and she was respected and everything. And that's an old example. But I think um, don't be so sure you can't speak out. And I also think if you're in a bunch of corporate speak, gobbledygoop, everybody knows gobbledygoop. And there's a lot of it out there. There's a lot of corporate speak.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Try it. Experiment a little bit of just don't assume you cannot be yourself or be more open and transparent and say what you think. Because maybe maybe you have some assumptions that aren't fair that aren't really fair.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

I I really love that. And um, I've actually been on Instagram and there's a bunch of funny um content uh uh people that will do like, you know, corporate corporate patty, you know, corporate. Maybe we need to do one of those. We need to probably do that. But what I would say is that I also, when I hear the corporate speak, one of the the tactics that I do is, um, let me see if I am hearing that. I I maybe I need to say it more simply for myself.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

And I'll say it in a very simple way, um, without all that. And I'm like, did I hear that right? And it's almost sometimes where you're saying it without saying it, like, you could have said that different. Or or we we just are using, you're doing too much. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

You are.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

I think that's great. And I think too, if you anybody who's, you know, communications expert, that is one of the things. Like, what are you saying?

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Simplify it. Yeah. Get it down. So I would encourage this person, try talking in a simpler way. Don't assume just because you are, you know, in a in a world of a lot of corporate speak that you have to do the same thing. So that that's one. Okay, last question before we wrap up. And that is, um, Mark, your favorite topic, boundaries. We have not done how many, I know we've done 15 or 16 episodes, maybe more. You have you have said the word boundaries in every one of them. Yeah. I think. And I know that's one of the things you feel really important. Really important. The question is, you talk about boundaries a lot and the importance of boundaries. What's a first step to start to create boundaries that are fair and fair to the people around you? Yeah. Work and home.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

I I appreciate the question. I have been on a journey for um a good portion of 10 years to set um good, healthy boundaries. Uh, and by that, listeners, I'll just simply say that uh it was that I was letting others um, I was diminishing myself or letting others and their needs and their what they wanted to do, I was just cowering to it. Whatever you say, you know, I'll do that. Pleasing? Pleasing, definitely pleasing. And that was a lot of it, um, you know, trying to please others. And what happened was I I had to step back um and just think about first step, why do I do this?

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Here you go.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Why, why was I doing it? And, you know, and it did come down to me not wanting to disappoint, me feeling like I needed to um say yes. But, you know, I've said in a previous episode, and and I say this a lot, and I actually have a little note next to my um computer that says, my yes is valuable. Yeah. Right. What I say yes, what I say yes to is valuable. And so I think the first step is understanding why do you do it?

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Yeah. Well, we say in every episode, self-awareness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Greatest gift.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Why am I doing this? What is causing me to? And I think we've said that on probably every topic. And I think that is, you know, why can I not establish my own boundaries? And I think that's the start. That's the first start and first step, rather. It's a great one. So with that, those are all time. We have questions for today. That went fast. That was rapid fire. Uh, but we appreciate your questions. Send them in for us. We love them. And um, we hope that maybe some of these little questions gave you some extra tips. We hope so. Y'all. Uh, and follow us, listen to us on Apple Spotify, leave a review. We'd love it. See you all soon. Have a great week.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Take care.